Here's an old article for you all, dear readers, while we get used to this new system and get some new ones up. Ceev is confused by this whole thing and Mekla is off somewhere shopping, I'm sure. She probably doesn't even know it's been implemented yet. So of course, I'm the only one working. And it's late. HAVE AN ARTICLE. TAKE IT.

THE JEDI ROBES by Phasion Medden. We break down the outfits of the Jedi in this issue. We found this old holo of the famous Jedi Mister Mace Windu and I am here to try to figure out exactly what purpose all these things they had served. I mean, the Jedi wear robes now, sure. But they're much lighter and the outfits are less... I don't know, pouchy...? So let's get into it and see what we can figure out from this ol' shot of Master Windu.

The BROWN robe. Like I said the last issue, what's with all the BROWN and TAN? Are those the official colors of the Jedi or something? Are they all little dirt children who rise from the ground to hug trees and eradicate baddies with their mean powers of nature? Huh? Seriously. Someone get these warriors of peace some COLOR. At least I've seen a little in their wardrobe lately -- like Corran Horn and his green robes. I'll let those pass even though they're another nature-related color. At least they aren't boring on the eyes like BROWN. As for Mace, he looked good in brown, but that doesn't mean all those other Jedi did too.

Plus, did I mention those robes are HUGE? How do those help in a fight? I know they make you look all serious and angsty and things, but when you have to actually fight... what do you do with it? Some Jedi, please tell me. I really wonder about this kind of stuff.

Don't even get me started on the TAN robing and skirt combo thing. I already had my say about the TAN. So let's move on to the WHITE pants. Now this here, was like a normality in those times. WHITE pants. I said it, yeah. Do you know how dirty those would get with all that Jedi business going on? (...no, not that kind of business) At least part of the pants are tucked into the BOOTS(!), which is one of the only very good pieces of this outfit. Jedi have kriffing cool boots.

The belt. I don't have much to complain about that. It's simple, it's useful. I'll say that's the next best thing next to the boots. But if I find some old holo of some old school Jedi who has a black belt and brown boots or something of the sort, I will personally go back in time and kick their huttling backends to two weeks from now -- so that in two weeks I can go back and beat them up again. MATCH YOUR SHOES AND BELTS, PEOPLE BEINGS, THANKS.

Now I have to bring attention to this lightsaber in particular. When I went back and looked at old records and data from this period, I found out that all of the Jedi had blue and green lightsabers, while all the Sith had red. Mace had a purple lightsaber.

If he was still alive today, I would fear him. Because he was hardcore enough to be like, "Hey Council, I'm gonna hook me up with a different color than you tools have. Thanks."

PURPLE!

Anyways, that's that for those old Jedi robes. If you know any Jedi, please do the galaxy a favor and tell them to spice up their wardrobe a bit, hmm? It's not the old days anymore, Jedi can get married and all that jazz. And those old dusty brown rags sure ain't gonna do much for picking up members of the opposite gender, yeah? (Or the same, depending on your taste.)