After that day, Jack found the courage to venture out of the house. Chloe would send him on small errands. Because of that he stood in the grocery store in the meat department. He was trying to choose some steaks for dinner and found he couldn't. He didn't know how long he had been standing there picking up one piece of meat after another.

Dropping the piece of meat, Jack felt his attention drawn to a girl she looked about ten years old. She was having a whispered conversation with a man, “That's him. Daddy, I know it is.”

“How could you know that, Jen? You were barely conscious,” the man said, holding on to her shoulder trying to pull her away. The girl shook off his hand.

“I know. How could I forget him? He saved me. I'll prove it to you.” Jack heard her soft tread and a tug on his sleeve, “Excuse me, Mister. Do you remember me?”

Jack turned and looked at her. She looked familiar but he could not place her, “No, yes. I'm not sure.” His brow creased.

“It was at the mall where there was that gas attack. You took off your mask and gave it to me. Then you carried me outside. My mom died but you saved me.” The girl grabbed his hand and squeezed.

Feeling tears in his eyes, Jack tried to speak “I..” he swallowed, “Yes, that was me.” He closed his eyes, “I am glad you all right. Excuse me, I have to go.” He tried to leave but she still held his hand.

“Mister, I know you couldn't save everyone, but thank you for choosing me. I just want you to know that I am thankful for what you did. I am going to do something someday to make what you did worthwhile. I just wanted to say thank you.” The little girl dropped his hand and walked away. After a few steps, she stopped and turned back, smiled at him one more time, and left with her father.

Jack watched her go, he realized that all he knew about her was her name. One of the thousands, maybe millions, of lives he had saved, but at what cost? Tony, Michelle, his unborn child and Teri. Were all of their lives worth that one little girl's?

He could feel the dam breaking and his control slipping. His basket clattered to the floor and the next thing Jack knew, he sat outside Chloe's house. No matter how hard he tried, he could not remember driving home.

Tears coursed down his cheeks. Jack knew that he should go inside before someone saw him, but he lacked the strength. Instead he grabbed his phone and pushed speed dial one.

Chloe's voice answered, “Hello?”

Jack tried to speak but only managed her name, “Chloe.”

She could tell by his voice that he was in anguish. “Where are you Jack?”

Swallowing, he managed one word, “Outside.”

He could hear the relief in her voice when she spoke again, “I'll be right there.”

Hanging up the phone, Jack closed his eyes. She was coming. Everything would be all right. The car door opened and she was there. Chloe was there.

Helping him into the house and into his room, Chloe laid him down and took off his shoes, covering him with an afghan she had made for him while he was in China. With each stitch she was able to believe that he was coming home. She had known it was stupid. She assumed that he would probably never see it, but she had to do something those twenty months or she would have gone crazy.

Tucking it around him, she turned to leave when he grabbed her hand, “Don't leave me alone in the dark. I...” he swallowed, “I couldn't stand it tonight. Do for me what I did for you that night Morris left.”

Nodding, Chloe climbed onto the bed beside him. She was about to lay down when he laid his head in her lap. Leaning back against the headboard, she waited for him to speak.

“Do you remember the nerve gas at the mall? I was ordered to allow the terrorists to release the gas and let all those people die. I...” Jack closed his eyes as the little girl swam before his vision, “I couldn't just sit back and let all those people die. I couldn't stop it from being released. On the way outside, I saw all those people dying and I could do nothing to save them. I had on a mask – I was safe and they were all dying because of me. In the food court, there was this little girl. She was so young, I couldn't let her die, not if I could save her. I had to save one of them. I covered her face with my mask, picking her up. I took her outside and she lived.” Opening his eyes, Jack looked at Chloe. “Today at the store, that little girl was there. Jen, her name was Jen. She thanked me for saving her life.”

“Sh, sh, Jack, don't worry about it, don't think about it. It was not your fault that those people died.” She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner.

“I was there and I killed her mother because I couldn't stop those men in time. I failed that little girl and she thanked me.” The tears started again but he made no noise.

Chloe knew he was hurting and had been since he shot Curtis that day or maybe for a lot longer. This man had been through so much and now his pain threatened to overwhelm him. She reached out her hand and hesitantly touched his cheek, catching his tears. “It's all right to cry, Jack. There is nothing to be ashamed of or wrong with your tears. They prove you are not a monster. You’re a man, Jack nothing more or less. You serve your country and have given them more than they had a right to take. Those tears prove you are still alive, that you are Jack.”

Jack closed his eyes at her touch. “Chloe, I have given everything to this country. I was willing to give my life, but what has it got me? Nothing: my wife and unborn child were killed. I could not protect them. I alienated my daughter – she wouldn't even talk to me and then I caused the deaths of my three friends. I held Tony in my arms as he died. And for what?”

Chloe felt tears in her eyes. “For Kim and her children, for that little girl and everyone who is living their lives because you saved them. Jack, you are a hero, you’re my hero. Anyone who has done the things you have could be nothing but that.”

Her fingers gently traced the tracks of tears and she leaned down, touching her lips gently to his. The contact was brief and sweet for them both. Jack closed his eyes. How long had it been since someone touched him like that? Before China, at least. Chloe smiled and said the words she had waited for so long to say, “I love you, Jack.”

He went on and she was not sure if he heard the words or chose to ignore then like he did each time she said them. “All I ever did was do what they told me to do. Then they cast me off and

left me in that hole. All I wanted was for people to be safe, for Kim to be safe, and now I can't do it anymore. I can't protect anyone. Not even myself from the nightmares and the memories.” Jack wept, his hands fisted the blanket as he struggle to find some control. But it was gone, he shattering into so many pieces and Chloe helped that she could help put them back together with her love.

A small girl's words did what the Chinese failed to do. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Jack fell asleep. His breathing was even and relaxed. Maybe he could begin again now that he hit bottom.

24 JC 24

They woke the next morning tangled together. When he opened his eyes, she smiled at him, “I love you, Jack.”

“Don't say that Chloe, I'm cursed. Everyone who loves me or I love dies or is maimed in some way. Teri, Tony, Michelle, David, Ryan, Curtis and Claudia all died because of their involvement with me. Kim, Audrey, Chase, Kate and so many others were hurt because I couldn't protect them. I can't let you any closer; it would kill me if I lost you, Chloe. Only you are holding back the tide.”

Her arms tightened at his words. “I love you, Jack. I have for a very long time. Nothing has happened to me and nothing will. Just let yourself love again, Jack. Nothing that happened was your fault. Stop listening to Heller's words. They are not true.”

He closed his eyes. He wanted to believe her words and let himself love her, but it was too big of a price to pay if he lost her.

Climbing out of bed, she said again, “I love you and there is nothing you can do to stop me from feeling this way.” Gathering her things, she left the room. After changing her clothes, she left the house for work without another word.

Jack stared at the door which Chloe had disappeared through. Why could she not understand? He loved her too much, and if anything happened to her he would die. Closing his eyes, he drew a deep breath, willing himself to fall asleep. His cell phone rang, jerking him from his half doze. Opening it up, he said, “Chloe, I 'm not talking to you right now.”

There was silence and then the voice spoke, “Jack, it's Kate. Can you meet me? There's a coffee shop around the corner from where you live. I am only in town for a few hours.” He was about to make an excuse when she said, “Jack this is important.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “When?” was all he said, knowing that she would not give up.

“Twenty minutes.” Kate replied.

“See you then.” Jack closed the phone and rested his head in his hands. Sighing heavily, he changed his clothes and headed to the coffee shop.

When he arrived, Kate was already there, seated at a table. Jack sat down across from her and waited. “Chloe called me. She thought that I could help you. I need to tell you something. Jack, you never hurt me,not really,” Kate said when she finally spoke.

“Kate, don't lie to me. I am toxic.” Jake said shaking his head.

“Don't do this to yourself, Jack. I'm fine. Nothing happened to me because I was involved with you. If I had not met you, my sister would still be a terrorist and that day would still have happened. Only I would be dead. I am alive because of you, and so is most of Los Angeles, many times over.”

She looked at Jack, but he would not meet her eyes. “What happened after that day was not all your fault. Neither of us was ready for the relationship we had. You were still grieving and in my own way, I was too. The two of us grabbed onto each other in a storm and held on, but once it was over there was nothing left to keep us together and we fell apart. You are not cursed, Jack. Let Chloe love you. You are hurting her and yourself more by pushing her away. Let yourself out of prison, Jack, you have committed no crime. You deserve her love and so does she.”

“Kate, I don't know if I can. Look what happened to Audrey. What would I do if that happened to Chloe or the baby? I love her so much. It would kill me.”

“Jack, I've seen Audrey. She is not totally better but she is one the road to recovery. The damage was not as bad as it seemed. Once they flushed the drugs out of her system, the doctors found out that she was mentally fine. They had beaten her and she is still afraid, but in time she will be fine. Jack, what happened to her was not your fault. She was not even in China looking for you. My husband works at DoD and he said that she was in China for some negotiations about a treaty to share some technology.”

Kate paused to gauge his response to her words. “When she was there, she was contacted by someone who had information about your location. She contacted Chloe, who told her the information was wrong but Audrey ignored her. Audrey said that she wanted to find you so she could move on with her life. She was engaged to a senator hopeful at the time. She went for her own reasons. You bear no guilt about her internment. Let that go, it was not your fault.

“I don't blame you for what happened and neither does Audrey. We loved you, Jack, but that was in the past. Let go of your fear or it will destroy you and Chloe faster than any possible threat.”

Kate stood and held out her hand to him. He stood and hugged her. When their bodies met, he pulled away and looked down. She noticed his gaze rested on her stomach. Kate was very pregnant.

She laughed at the wonder on his face. “Yes, Jack. I'm happy. After us I met a man and got married. This is my second child. It's a boy and we are planning to name him Jack after you. Please be happy, you are such a good man. Love her, Jack.”

She kissed his cheek, “Please do it for Chloe. If you love her, you need to find a way to make it work or you will lose her – only it will not be to death, but to someone else.”

Jack watched her walk away and for the first time he wondered if there might be a chance for him and Chloe.