Childfree Community

From the WTF Files...

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:14:23 GMT

This woman of 72 spent £30,000 on six courses of IVF... and she's STILL trying for a baby

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1199527/This-woman-72-spent-30-000-courses-IVF--shes-STILL-trying-baby.html;jsessionid=C7DE1CB8363E173A02D07B79440E63F4

Under cut for the Linkaphobics...

At the age of 72, she is old enough to know better.

But it seems Jenny Brown cannot be deflected from her determination to give birth.

Miss Brown, who has never had a long-term relationship, has already spent £30,000 in the United States and Italy trying to conceive and is now prepared to travel abroad again to clinics that still offer IVF treatment to women her age.

If she is successful - with what will be her seventh course of IVF - she will become the oldest mother in the world.

Critics point out that she will also be old enough to be the child's great-grandmother.

They also say she could leave any child she had orphaned as an infant.

But Miss Brown replied: 'Any mother can die at any age. Look at Jade Goody.

'I hope to live to 100, but I'll ask one of my younger friends to be a guardian in case.'

She added: 'People ask me how a child would feel having a mum of my age. I hope they'll find it special. I'll tell them I tried for a long time, and how wonderful it was to have them.

'I know it'll be hard work. It'll change my life completely and I'm prepared for that.'

Miss Brown, who lives in a threebedroom flat in London, said she had always wanted a child but spent her younger years devoted to academia, achieving degrees in medical sciences and zoology.

'I'd always had it in the back of my mind that when the time was right I'd like to have a child,' she said.

'But my studies meant that children kept getting delayed. The right time finally came in my early fifties and since then I've been attempting - and failing - with IVF.'

She added: 'I never married. I saw so many friends' marriages fail that I decided to stay single and raise a child myself. I had a few relationships but nothing serious.'

After first advertising for a sperm donor 20 years ago, Miss Brown initially tried to have a child using her own eggs, but the attempt failed as doctors said the eggs had deteriorated because of her age.

Since then, using savings and the income she makes from renting out five rooms in a house she owns, Miss Brown has had six IVF treatments, costing around £5,000 each, in Italy and America.

Now she is appealing for women aged between 20 and 35 to come

forward as possible egg donors as she does not want to use a surrogate.

She explained: 'It's important that I carry the baby myself because I believe that even if I get pregnant with a donated egg I will pass genetic material on to the baby while I carry it in the womb.

'I believe the baby will look more like me that way.'

Miss Brown will now apply to have treatment at clinics in Bulgaria, Romania, Spain and India - where a woman of 70 recently became the world's oldest mother of IVF twins. She has ignored criticism from anyone who says her decision is irresponsible, including Patricia Scott, a hospital midwife who said: 'A woman is not meant to get pregnant after the menopause.

'She is at high risk of preeclampsia, miscarriage and diabetes. She also won't have enough energy to care for the child properly and is ultimately being irresponsible.'

Clinical psychologist Dr Funke Baffour added: 'It seems Jenny has set herself the goal of becoming a mum and will never give up on her aim.

'It's impossible to appreciate just how exhausting it can be to give children the care and amusement they need unless you've had children of your own.'

But Miss Brown said: 'I know there are risks, like high blood pressure, but I'll take medical advice and doctors will be able to see if there is anything going wrong with scans.

'I've been criticised by a lot by people who say I'm doing it for my own purposes, or that I want to relive my childhood.

'Others say the child won't like the fact its friends' mothers will be a lot younger. The possible objections are endless - but really it's just unusual and people don't like unusual things.'

She added: 'I have babysat young children and been with friends who have babies and I know it's hard work, but I get on very well with children.

'I'm aware you are often up all night with a crying baby and I am up for that. I like a challenge.'

Another reason to not have kids.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:47:15 GMT

I love my friend to death, but her parenting skills.. sometimes makes me wonder.

I went over there Friday to help her move out the crib and get her kid a "big girl bed" it was just a small plastic bed, which I thought was amazing for a 2.5 year old. Anyway we had to go to the store for parts and my friend is so ready to get her kid out of diapers. She buys her some big girl panties to begin the transition.

We go home and as soon as were home the kid wants to big girl underwear on. So mom puts the panties on her and tells her "You tell mommy when you need to go potty, ok"? I immediately tell her that that's not going to work. But she lets her wear the panties anyway. Not 5 minutes later, kid pees panties. Mom goes on about "You were supposed to tell me!" She puts on another pair of panties. 10 minutes later mom asks kid if she needs to pee and of course kid says no. 2 minutes later, another pair of wet panties and a "You were supposed to tell me"! 3rd pair of panties goes on. These last about 15 minutes before the kid wets them. And yet another round of "You were supposed to tell me"! I kept telling my friend that you can't expect a 2.5 year old to know when they have to pee and you're basically going to have to do the whole "sit on the potty till you pee" routine. And since the kid is going through the terrible 2s right now, that's not going to work. Mom had to put pull ups back on her and it took 2 of us to get the pull ups back on because the kid was screaming bloody murder because she didn't want to wear them.

Yet another thing I won't have to worry about by being child free. No pee to clean up and no trying to potty train a kid.

Some charity advertising

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:00:57 GMT

Through the charity rating site GiveWell I foud a charity called Population Services International (PSI).
One of their main foci is the promotion of reproductive health, family planning and STD prevention. Since this is an issue I deeply care about, I'd like to spread the word.
They rank #4 in GiveWell's latest review. Of course they have their shortcomings, but at least they provide the information necessary to evaluate their effectiveness, which many better-known organizations don't.
If you have something to give, this might be a good cause to give it to. I just reallocated my monthly charity budget to them.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 01:50:39 GMT

So I was reading People magazine and I came to an article on Peter Facinelli (from Nurse Jackie & Twilight) and he was asked five questions. Here's one that reminded me of you guys:

1. How do you unwind?

His answer: Taking a hot bath is always nice, especially when it's with my wife. We usually have 15-20 minutes before the kids start pounding on the door! It gives us time to be in the same space, relax and really connect.

Aw. Well, childfree couples can probably spend as long as they want in there, right? :)

Tips for getting sterilized.

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 21:58:52 GMT

A person messaged me about my experience and advice for getting the essure at the age I am (23).
With the support of many CF lj members and CF_hardcore, I've listed 4 big tips that will help ensure one to get sterilized. (In my case the essure).

There are a few things you should consider to help ensure you chances of getting sterilized at a reasonable price:

1. Insurance research. Try to find insurance plans that cover sterilization procedures with low or no deductibles. Beware of plans with high deductibles, then you might be paying for most of it out of pocket yourself.

2. Doctor research. Depending on where you live, the amount of available doctors willing to do sterilizations procedures will vary. This part will require you to make phone calls to various doctors' offices. Ask them if they are willing to perfom the Essure on a 21 year old patient. This way, you save time and money (on useless copays).

3. Essure.com offers you a feature that searches for doctors in your area that do Essure procedures.

4. Online resources. Check out cf_resources for doctor information in your area. Find people online who live in your area and that have had sterilization procedures. They can give you great advice. :)

5. Don't be discouraged if you face a lot of hurdles in your quest. Vent your frustrations, but keep on trucking. If you are feeling down because you got rejected or are dealing with discouragement from loved ones, tell us! We can empathize with you and encourage you on your quest! We understand and will give you our support. We are your cheerleaders :)

Don't be discouraged! We are here to understand, support and love!
And thank you all for being there for me! :)

xposted

IKEA for individuals

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:10:28 GMT

I first posted this on an asexuality community, but I got my head bitten off, told I was obviously bitter, single and childless (ah, no rejoicing on all counts actually) and I realised that everyone took themselves waaayyyyy too seriously. Or, at least, more seriously than me. Which actually, isn't too hard *grins* It actually inspires me to write a bit of a piss take about asexuality. But I best don my best fire proof pants before then!

Anyway, I digress - here's the post on IKEA... it's meant to be a little tongue in cheek....

IKEA FOR INDIVIDUALS

If ever there was a place to make those of us who are solitary beasts by nature rejoice in our lifestyle choice, then surely experiencing weekend shopping in IKEA would be it!

For the uninitiated, IKEA is a large, sprawling swedish furniture and homeware store that, on the weekend, can be likened to hell on earth. While I actually like their products and often buy things from there from time to time, I usually try to go during the week to avoid the madding crowds.

Put simply, It is people watching nirvana. That's if you can find a parking space somewhere amid the swarming mass of people carriers and SUVs, all of whom are waiting to pounce, glowering, on the first available spot because THEY have children and I do not.

Inside: Unhappy couples throwing bitchy one liners to each other. Men dragging their feet (and their bottom lips) behind their overly enthusiastic partner's shopping frenzy. Women screaming at their other half who had wandered off in desperation among the kitchen appliances. Screaming, crying, badly behaved children running amok amid the sofas, covered in snot and various forms of confectionary. Toddlers throwing tantrums, families walking three or four abreast in the aisles, seemingly oblivious to the rest of the universe (and that their child has just vomited on the circular hesse display rug)

It is, for me, anyway, the absolute antithesis of coupledom, marriage, family and the antidote to any lingering desire to spawn progeny that I might once have ever possessed. If ever I should falter momentarily in my resolve to remain childfree - perhaps, whilst staring at one of my adorable nieces and feel the slightest twitch in my ovaries - all I have to do is go back to IKEA and sigh contentedly that the only thing I leave with is a packet of tealight candles and a strangely shaped plastic containerthat I'll never use.

There really should be sociological studies on the place.

I don't make the rules, I just enforce 'em!

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 05:17:48 GMT

An unrelated recent post kinda reminded me of this...

I work at a bookstore in an airport, and there's regular automated announcements that say "please do not leave luggage unattended. security staff will confiscate any unattended luggage". Me and a former co-worker would usually speak in unison with the announcement, except that we'd always replace "luggage" with "children".

Fun at the grocery store

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 02:45:42 GMT

It's a Saturday, the place was the usual madhouse of under-supervised crotch droppings, annoying teens and asshole breeders. No less than 3 adults had to be threatened with police intervention if they did not stop their kids from pestering my service dog.

Interfering with a working SD is a felony. And I would press charges, I don't care how young the kid is. If they're above the age of criminal responsibility, their ass is going to be charged.

Two parents are walking with their daughter, who is 4. They point out, "Oh look, a doggy!" and the kid comes running over. I place myself between her and my dog and say, "Do not touch the dog!" in a mean adult voice.

Moo and Duh immediately start yelling at me for telling their kid not to touch the dog. Duh said, and I quote, "She's only four, she doesn't know better!"

And I said, "But you're not four and you do know better. Keep your kid away from my dog or I will call the police and have you arrested for felony interference with a service dog."

They went to complain to the store manager, using choice insults like, "Fat and lazy isn't a disability, blah blah."

The manager told them to leave. And not to come back. He then apologized to me, explained that in the future an employee would accompany me around the store to handle the problem customers and children and assist me in my shopping.

Now, keep in mind I had to fight to get my dog in the store 8 years ago, with my first SD. I politely called ahead the first time, asked to meet with the manager on duty. Supplied the ADA and Dept. of Justice handouts, gave him the number for the DOJ so he could ask his questions while I was there to help clarify.

Once he understood the SD legislation, he bent over backwards to have his staff trained. Every shopping experience there has been wonderful. The deli counter saves meat and cheese ends for my dog and they send them home with me. The butcher dept. saves shin bones and cuts of meat they can't use and sends them home with me. The staff know me and my dog(s) by name and greet us, make sure we get help if we need it. They truly welcome me as a customer and follow me to help, NOT because they're afraid the dog will misbehave.

But it took time to develop a relationship like that. And it's a battle with almost every store I frequent at first. I take the time to visit, hand out materials, engage in productive dialogue about SDs and disabled rights. My work has made it easier for those who come after me.

It was so, so damn nice to have that work pay off in such a way. My right to shop unmolested was honored. That's never, ever happened before.

--

Also, I saw an awesome parent. Her toddler was screaming and whining for some toy, but when he whined or screamed, she simply said, "I'm sorry, I don't understand you when you do that."

Most parents quake in fear and terror when Junior starts Epic Tantrum of Doom. But she handled it calmly and rationally without giving in. There was no placating the toddler with what he wanted. She just kept repeating that she couldn't understand him when he did that and kept shopping. Since he couldn't make himself understood with whining and screaming, he quickly calmed down and said he wanted X.

He didn't get it. Even when he asked nicely. But she DID give him a "token" to put with his others, so he could save up to "buy" X item with good behavior.

It was fucking awesome. Tantrum stopped, bad behavior NOT rewarded, good behavior awarded, and child was happy because he got -something- even if it wasn't what he wanted right that second.

So not only is he learning that tantrums and whining get him nowhere, he's also learning about delayed gratification and waiting for what he wants, as well as the value of earning it. We were in the same check out lane and I complimented her on what a great idea it was, and she beamed at me. Most people think she's "horrible" for doing that, but it works.

She's teaching the child about actions, consequences and manners in one fell swoop.

Then we joked about how I train my dogs through the same methods. Ignore bad, reward good. (Operant conditioning.)

Turns out she's a Skinner fan, too.

More parents need a class in Skinner before popping out crotch logs. :D

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 02:01:48 GMT

So as not to make two posts, I'll add my update here since some of you asked for it: I contacted DFPS (Texas CPS) yesterday and today by phone, but all I got was a recorded message telling me to contact 9-1-1 if it was an immediate emergency or call back on Monday. Since the kids were all inside their house, I figured it didn't really count as an immediate emergency. So far, I'm opened a complaint on the DFPS website, with my phone number and name so they can call me back on Monday. I'm also going to call again on Monday to see if someone can't come out that day.

In the meantime, I'm keeping as close an eye as I can on my neighbor, waiting for the young one to come outside unattended or come over here so I CAN call the police and have immediate action taken. So far, they've kept inside their house all yesterday and all day today, so I don't know if she's mad at me, trying to avoid me, or what, but I have a feeling it's because of what happened yesterday. I'll let you guys know if anything else happens, and when they finally do come to talk to her I'll fill you in, don't worry ;)

----------

What would you like to know about the childfree lifestlye? For instance, would you like to see a piece explaning how to handle being bingo'd? Do you want more information on where to find a doctor willing to perform sterilization procedures, or how you can convince your current doctor to do it for you? How about how to deal with friends having kids and changing entirely?

I ask because my little sister is a writer, and after talking to her about this community and how the childfree mindset is more wide-spread than I thought, she got the idea to pitch to her boss about writing a 3-month piece on the childfree lifestyle and the adversity they face on a daily basis. It hasn't been approved yet (and I don't think I'm allowed to tell you the name of the magazine just yet, either, sorry) but she wants to come up with some solid ideas to present to her boss so it's more likely to be approved.

So give me any questions you have about how to handle things, what you wish you had known before you found out the hard way, what kind of nonsense you put up with from people who don't seem to understand our mindsets, anything! And thanks in advance :)

curious

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:04:15 GMT

FYI guys, my camera is here.

out of curiosity, is it illegal to post pictures/videos of the vandals on the intarwebz?

texas state laws apply to me, i googled it, and got nothing. if not, i'm looking forward to sharing the wank. i opened my door yesterday to get my package at the office and they were spraying rocks by the handful at my window :/

i chose a couple of the blurriest ones so no one can see who the snoflakes are or identify where they live.

this is where i had just heard the bang and the yelling and turned the cam toward the screaming.

then the geniuses decided to come back for another round, but saw me looking out the window and started to run.

i got on video (which i haven't figured out how to edit yet) the biggest girl in the pink dress flatly DENYING banging on my door. i went out on my back patio and the following conversation occurred:
"did you guys knock on my door?"
girl: no.
"did you see who knocked on my door?"
girl: we were over there *points to where i was just snapping photos of them with my camera*
"ok."

i go back inside. 30 seconds later, another banging and screaming, and they attempted to run, but i was still near the backporch so i stepped out and took another photo.

"for your information, this is a video camera, and i just recorded you knocking on my door. if you do it again, i will call the police." and again in spanish just in case she didn't understand.

Idiot Parents From Around The World

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 23:03:44 GMT

So. I lurk here a lot. Childfree, etc etc. I read the entries, sometimes comment ... but I almost never have anything post-worthy.

Until today. I have AOL, which has a welcome screen that has news blurbs. Mostly, I ignore it. But today, I see this.

"Mother blames pool for pregnant teen"

I almost instantly go "That can't mean what I think it means." So I click the link.

I was wrong.

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/07/10/pregnant-by-swimming/?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl3|link6|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parentdish.com%2F2009%2F07%2F10%2Fpregnant-by-swimming%2F

The pool can be a dangerous place: Kids can get sunburned or slip on the wet deck. But can the pool get you pregnant?

Magdalena Kwiatkowska of Poland thinks you can. She is suing an Egyptian hotel because she claims her 13-year-old daughter became impregnated after swimming in its pool during their recent holiday. Ms.Kwiatkowska says that there must have been errant sperm floating around just waiting to implant themselves in an unsuspecting female taking a dip. She swears that her daughter did not meet any boys during their vacation, so the mysterious sperm in the pool had to be the culprit.

Surely this lawsuit will be thrown out of court on inconceivable (pun intended) grounds. First off, wouldn't the chlorine kill any random sperm? But even further, did Ms. Kwiatkowska follow every moment of her vacationing daughter to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she spent absolutely no time with anyone of the opposite sex during their Egyptian holiday?

The only reassuring thing about this story, perhaps, is that frivolous lawsuits are not exclusively an American thing.

The comments section is full of, for a wonder, sensible people, all mocking this mother's lack of intelligence and parenting skills.

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:05:13 GMT

To update on my sister's status: the surgery went well, there was a problem with her blood pressure that kept her there an extra day, but she's home now. My other sister and my parents are there at her house now taking care of her, while I'm babysitting for the second day in a row (hurray.)

And let me just say, while I do love my nephew, after watching him for two days in a row, I have NO IDEA why someone would voluntarily do this on a DAILY BASIS. Chasing it around the house, constantly stopping it from crawling up the stairs, pulling everything from pennies to CAR KEYS out of its mouth, having it CLING to your leg anytime you try to go to the bathroom or get a soda or move more than 2 inches away from you, feeding them purple colored milk, hiding the dog because it keeps trying to LICK the dog... I don't understand the appeal of kids AT ALL. And I have a feeling parents find this kind of stuff cute.

But anyway, I would have gladly taken him today 1000x over for this reason alone:

Remember the neighbor who let her son walk to my house 4 times during the course of the day? Well, like I said, I took my 1 1/2 year old nephew to my house while everyone else is taking care of my sister, so they wouldn't have to worry about him screaming or crying or anything while my sister is trying to recover. I took him out in the front yard to run around, and wouldn't you know, there's the kid again from the other day again, in his front yard, totally unattended. So I'm trying my best to ignore him, but he wanders over to us, anyway. Okay, fine, maybe my nephew will have a playmate for a little while, whatever.

They were playing well together I guess, and after about 15 minutes, the mother finally mosies outside and sees us, and slowly strolls over. No "OMG there you are!" no concern, nothing. Mind you, her other children are nowhere to be seen, which I guessed meant she had left them inside, totally unattended. Which I suppose safer then leaving them outside unattended? Anyway, she just starts talking to me about my nephew, asking his name, age, all that nonsense. Out of nowhere, her kid BOLTS for my front door, and the mother says NOTHING as he grabs the handle to open it. Genius me turned the handle up because I just had a -feeling- the kid would try to get in (I pictured him smelling another kid being in my house and running over to find him, the same way I have to fend off male dogs when my dog is in heat, lol) so he couldn't reach it. My nephew runs right after him, and I'm thinking he thinks it's a game or something, until he grabs the kid's hand, smacks it, and declares nice and loud for everyone to hear, "NO! NAUGHTY! TIME OUT NOW!" To which my neighbor's kid started to cry, but then sat down right where he was as if he was accepting his punishment.

I BUSTED out laughing as my nephew stands there looking at us, triumphantly, like he's just cured cancer or something. My neighbor then asks in a horrified voice, "Aren't you going to punish him for hitting Jayden (or however it's spelled)?" to which I replied, "No, I'm not going to punish him for disciplining your kid. SOMEONE needs to do it, although it's pretty pathetic that a 1 year old is doing a better job than you are." And then I turned, picked up my nephew, went inside and shut the door. I don't care that she's probably pissed at me, and I'm elated to think this might put an end to all this bullshit.

Ruined a perfectly good book

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:47:14 GMT

I picked up this book the other day at the library, and thought it would be a good one. It wasn't. The story was from the mother's perspective, and it was all about how her daughter had been popular, but now she wasn't, and how she didn't have any friends anymore and she was miserable and the mother couldn't do anything about it. Meanwhile, the mother had quit her job to devote her time to being a full time mother and wife and her relationship with her husband, which used to be fabulous, went down the drain because of it. The thing that made me finally close the book was the mother talking about how when she talks to her husband, she exaggerates every small issue to the point that "he would focus only on the exaggeration and ignore the actual issue".

It just.. ugh. Made me shudder. I can't believe anyone could live a life that is so consumed by someone else. This woman had no identity beyond being a mother. It was completely creepy.

Bummer in favorite book series

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:04:14 GMT

I'm very fond of the Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes series by Laurie R. King. I was a bit dubious when the pair eloped at the end of the second book but continued contentedly enough; somehow it worked - lovely relationship between those two and unsullied by children...until now. At the end of the most recent book (The Language of Bees, if memory serves - I'm having to remember since I don't yet own a copy) the two have just gotten saddled with Holmes's granddaughter (the child of his illegitimate son, long story, never mind). I groaned a bit when I read that. Crap on a cracker, King! Why'd you have to go and do that to me? I do have some hope - it was hinted that this was going to be a temporary arrangement. Gawd, I hope so. Ideally, kid will be gone between now and the beginning of the next story, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Luckily the kid is not an infant and Mrs. Hudson and Mycroft are still around so my favorite pair can still go off and have "Action, Adventure And Really Wild Things," (yep, Hitchhiker's quote) leaving kid with the aforementioned. King is now on my temporary "I am NOT happy with you" list; this is a very entertaining childfree couple - why screw it up with a kid, even if it isn't theirs? Christ, I hope she doesn't get all breederbrained and give 'em "one of their own." I just can't picture it, and besides, talk about bringing the adventures to a (literal) screeching halt.

Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks this way; I personally agreed with the following exchange from a fanfic written by someone calling herself LizBee. Emphasis is mine:

Later, over lunch she said, with a slight hint of hesitation, “I want to keep my own surname. Do you mind?”

“Not at all. How else would I address you?”

“Fair point.”

He waited until the waiter had refilled her wineglass before saying, “Children?”

“Absolutely not.”

Holmes laughed.

“Really,” added Russell. “I'd be a horrible mother, and your interest in our offspring would only extend as far as subjecting it to minor psychological and chemical experiments.”

Holmes couldn't disagree.

“In any case, my doctors aren't even sure I can have children. If you're having dynastic visions, Holmes, I recommend finding yourself another wife.”

“That,” he said, “won't be a problem.”

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:46:24 GMT

http://www.kansas.com/entertainment/all/story/884631.html

Interesting article.

Who's never drinking Evian water again now?

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:24:08 GMT

I don't like the stuff to begin with. Something about it is just nasty. But, they were just talking on the news about bottled water, and then showed some new commercial Evian came up with. "How does drinking Evian water make you feel?" Then you see a bunch of CGed babies on roller skates dancing hip hop. *shudder* They couldn't do the exact same commercial with teenagers or adults. No, they had to do it with a bunch of creepy looking babies.

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 04:08:20 GMT

I know I just posted yesterday, but I am so beyond pissed off right now.

(I'll be so proud if I just did an lj-cut successfully!)

Anyway, my younger sister Brooklynn is having major surgery tomorrow. My brother, my parents and I went over with my brother-in-law/her husband around 9:00 PM to get her checked in, situated and comfortable. She was admitted to the OR wing of the hospital, and there are locked doors that you have to be buzzed in to get through. Right at those doors is a BIG sign that clearly states in big, bold lettering: NO CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 13 BEYOND THESE DOORS. And you would figure anyone who unlocked the doors would send little kids away right there, right?

WRONG. The ENTIRE time we were there, we saw about a dozen kids, definitely under the age of 13, all over the wing. Three in particular, who all looked to be under 8, were running up and down the hallway where my sister's room was, playing fucking tag. IN A HOSPITAL WITH SICK PEOPLE. Both of their parents were there, but neither was a patient; they were visiting what sounded like one of the parents' fathers. Not ONCE did a nurse come over to shut them up or kick them out, not ONCE did either of their parents say something, even when the girl in the group started screaming bloody murder that her brothers were hitting her. At one point, the little girl actually went over to her mom, who was half standing in the door frame to the room, and started pulling at her pants and whining very loudly about wanting something to drink, and the mother actually put her hand over the kid's mouth and told her to shut up while she was talking. This shit went on for an HOUR straight!

I was so fucking irritated, and I could tell my sister was, too (she and her husband are also "childfree," and my sister has absolutely no tolerance for kids who misbehave like that at all) so eventually, my brother-in-law and I went over to the nurse's station and asked them if they could boot the kids from the OR ward. The one nurse said that they were there visiting their grandfather, and that it was okay, they were just worried about him and to try and ignore them. How the fuck do you ignore a pack of screaming banshees? I told her there was a sign at the front doors that clearly stated no kids under 13, and she shrugged and said no one follows that rule. When I asked her why they even have the fucking thing posted, she shrugged again and just walked away. The whole time we're talking, you can clearly hear the kids all screaming and running up and down the hallways. Another nurse came over, who was listening to the conversation, and ask if we wanted a new room. My brother-in-law said that they shouldn't have to move, the kids needed to be removed, why should they be put out when they're following the rules? In the end, when the doctor came to see my sister about 10 minutes later, HE made the kids leave and actually had a nurse escort them and their parents to the door, to which of course, the mother whined that they were visiting their verrrry siiiick grandfather and how unfair it was that they were being separated from him. The doctor just rolled his eyes and went on doing his thing.

It's a HOSPITAL, for christ's sake, why the fuck are you bringing your kids there, where there are very sick people, and then letting them run around SCREAMING through the hallways? Why are you ignoring the sign that clearly says no kids under 13? Do you think you're some kind of exception to the rules? Why do you even have your kids out so god damn late? It was past 10:00 before they were kicked out, and the parents didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon!

There's a reason my youngest sister didn't come with us tonight: because she wasn't going to bring her kid to a hospital so late at night, and then risk him crying or screaming while there were sick people there. She's leaving him with me tomorrow so she can be there with my sister for the surgery. A novel idea, huh? Leave your fucking brats at home with a babysister! This is not a new invention, people, if my sister can do it, so can you!

Ugh, I just needed to vent >:(

Population and Sustainability

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:31:40 GMT

Hi there, I'm new around these parts, although I've occasionally lurked for years. 20, known I haven't wanted children for years, currently frustrated by the lack of cooperation on the part of my doctors to have any kind of permanent birth control. I'm sure you've heard it all before!

The reason I'm posting, and I hope this hasn't been linked here before, is a fabulous article I read in Scientific American called Population and Sustainability by Robert Engelman. The whole article can be read here: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=population-and-sustainability but I've copy-pasted the most relevant and interesting part ie, the last two pages. The whole article is definitely worth a read though! Emphasis is my own.

The Zen of Population
Mostly ignored in the environmental debates about population and consumption is that nearly all the world’s nations agreed to an altogether different approach to the problem of growth 15 years ago, one that bases positive demographic outcomes on decisions individuals make in their own self-interest. (If only something comparable could be imagined to shrink consumption.) The strategy that 179 nations signed onto at a U.N. conference in Cairo in 1994 was: forget population control and instead help every woman bear a child in good health when she wants one.

That approach, which powerfully supports reproductive liberty, might sound counterintuitive for shrinking population growth, like handing a teenager the keys to the family car without so much as a lecture. But the evidence suggests that what women want—and have always wanted—is not so much to have more children as to have more for a smaller number of children they can reliably raise to healthy adulthood. Women left to their own devices, contraceptive or otherwise, would collectively “control” population while acting on their own intentions.

More than 200 million women in developing countries are sexually active without effective modern contraception even though they do not want to be pregnant anytime soon, according to the Guttmacher Institute, a reproductive health research group. By the best estimates, some 80 million pregnancies around the world are unintended. Although the numbers aren’t strictly comparable—many unplanned pregnancies end in abortion—the unintended pregnancies exceed the 78 million by which world population grows every year.

In the U.S., which is well informed and spends nearly 20 cents per dollar of economic activity on health care, nearly one out of every two pregnancies is unintended. That proportion has not changed much for decades. In every nation, rich and poor, in which a choice of contraceptives is available and is backed up by reasonably accessible safe abortion for when contraception fails, women have two or fewer children. Furthermore, educating girls reduces birthrates. Worldwide, according to a calculation provided for this article by demographers at the International Institute for Applied Systems Analysis in Austria, women with no schooling have an average of 4.5 children, whereas those with a few years of primary school have just three. Women who complete one or two years of secondary school have an average of 1.9 children apiece—a figure that over time leads to a decreasing population. With one or two years of college, the average childbearing rate falls even further, to 1.7. And when women enter the workforce, start businesses, inherit assets and otherwise interact with men on an equal footing, their desire for more than a couple of children fades even more dramatically.

True, old-style population control seems to have helped slow population growth in China. The country’s leaders brag that their one-child policy has spared the world’s climate 300 million greenhouse gas emitters, the population equivalent of a U.S. that never happened. But most of the drop in Chinese fertility occurred before that coercive policy went into effect in 1979, as the government brought women by the millions into farm and industry collectives and provided them with the family planning they needed to stay on the job. Many developing countries—from Thailand and Colombia to Iran—have experienced comparable declines in family size by getting better family-planning services and educational opportunities to more women and girls in more places.

With President Obama in the White House and Democrats dominant in Congress, the signs are good that the U.S. will support the kind of development abroad and reproductive health at home most likely to encourage slower population growth. Like almost all politicians, however, Obama never mentions population or the way it bridges problems from health and education all the way to food, energy security and climate change.

Bringing population back into the public conversation is risky, but the world has come a long way in understanding that the subject is only one part of most of today’s problems and that “population control” can’t really control population. Handing control of their lives and their bodies to women—the right thing to do for countless other reasons—can. There is no reason to fear the discussion.

The current TIME article about marriage

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:33:53 GMT

Has anyone else read the July 13 TIME magazine cover article about marriage? I thought it was an excellent article, until the last couple of paragraphs. The author concluded that people are too selfish to stay married unless they have children to raise, and therefore we should all return to the grand old principle that marriage's main purpose of marriage is procreation. BLECH!

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 05:42:06 GMT

Hello all! I'm Nako, and I'm new here; I'm 22 and I cannot possibly imagine myself ever having children: a) I'm an actor, and being one doesn't tend to lead to the kind of lifestyle that could reasonably support a family; b) I hate responsibility and c) kids terrify me.

Few things grate on my nerves more than children who don't seem to have been taught manners, especially in the field of public behavior (you don't run around screaming in public, for example).

So imagine my glee when Studio Movie Grill (a local chain of restaurant/movie theatres) established a new rule where small children are not allowed into PG-13- or R-rated movies after 6:00 at night! Period, paragraph, no exceptions.

Since that covers about 90% of the movies I see there, I'm ecstatic.

childless bitch

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 20:36:31 GMT

Before I found this community, I used to get my laughs from the Childless Bitch blogger on Momlogic.com.

Linkage:
http://www.momlogic.com/bloggers/childless_bitch/stories/

Her latest post under the cut!

It's the big 4th of July weekend and you know what that means...backyard barbecues, food, fun, and the big, banging, booming explosions of...your children. Not at ALL what the founding fathers had in mind. While you're excited to be celebrating independence, guess what? I celebrate mine every day.

Thanks to some cruel twist of fate, you and I somehow ended up at the same cookout. You're excited to finally be surrounded by people your own age, and I'm excited to drink free alcohol. Here's how we can both make the most of our 'holiday':

1. If you brought it, you feed it. Timmy's grubby, booger-caked fingers are sloshing around in the appetizers, and I think he just dropped a Lego in my layer dip. Am I the only responsible adult worried about food contamination? Step away from the table, kid.

2. The backyard is not your child's trash can. In this age of environmental consciousness, your kid is worse than global warming. If he opens one more can, takes one sip, then leaves it for you to fetch, I'm calling the EPA. Is he training for a job as a soda taster?

3. The dog understands not to come in the house when wet. What's wrong with your animal?

4. Despite its patriotic shape, your Jell-O Fruit Salad does not belong at the same table as my Barefoot Contessa Salad. There's a homeless shelter down the street accepting donations. I'm sure the hungry hobos would salute your flag.

5. By the looks of your $5 Old Navy American flag T-shirt, it's obvious you don't care when your kid spills a plate of beans on you. For those of us who still have our looks, please instruct your child on how to properly eat a watermelon, corn-on-the-cob or all things without a straw. My suggestion? A trough.

6. Here's a fun game for all you moms out there! Try holding a grown-up conversation without including the words 'band' and 'camp.' Whoever wins gets the Berry Bloom Citronella candle you won't stop gabbing about.

7. Uh oh. Tubby's got his T-shirt on in the pool. Hey, Mom, if he's not training for competitive eating, time to take away that fourth foot-long.

8. There's only one way to teach kids about fireworks safety -- learn by doing. The Pyro Pulverizer was just named the Phantom Fireworks Teacher of the Year. Kids can still function with eight fingers, and those missing digits are a great reminder of their own stupidity.

9. Your child is not at camp -- so guess what? You're the counselor! Put down that wine cooler, pull the arts and crafts Caboodle out of your Trader Joe's tote, and get to entertaining!

10. Just because your little Yankee Doodle has a life-threatening food allergy doesn't give you right to insult the host and bring your own spread. The invite said one, shareable dish, not the soy-based-sh** you showed up with.

Just remember, Mommy Dearest...these are not the words of a childless bitch, these are the words of a patriot!

To the red, white and blue!
-CB

P.S. America, you certainly are the land of the brave. And I am the land of the free. Free of children.

The floor is not a trash can!

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:36:44 GMT

Okie dokie.

So my entire extended family had a big picnic on the fourth of July in one of those parks with the shelters and grills. It was a huge park, so no surprise, there were dozens of other families there. No big deal. It's the fourth of July, time for family, and you certainly can't leave the kids at home. Overall, beautiful day, great food, had plenty of fun with my family (even the littlest cousins), and the family at the site nearest us was very friendly and polite.

Sadly, bathrooms at places like this are never nice. And it was probably the fault of the park rangers that there was no trash can in the women's bathroom shack (I really hate it when there aren't garbage cans IN the stalls of women's bathrooms, and wonder what the people setting up bathrooms are thinking when this happens). But still, there were garbage cans near all of the shelters and a few along the parking lots and roads. It would only take about a minute to find a trash can and carry whatever you wanted to throw away over to it and well, throw it away!

So of course, I have to go to the bathroom and take my little cousin with me. As I sit down, I notice that there is a diaper. On the ground. And it doesn't look like it was accidentally dropped or left there in a hurry It was crammed between these two stone divider things, so whoever changed the baby had put it there on purpose. There was also one just lying in the handicap stall. It was SO NASTY. Not only do people go in there to pee, but a lot of younger kids (like five to ten year olds) were using the sinks to fill water balloons. Someone could get sick from that! There were two garbage cans within 30 seconds walk to the bathroom! I mean, you know you're going out to someplace that doesn't have luxury accommodations, if you're going to bring your baby, at least bring some plastic bags to put the diaper in in case the garbage can isn't readily available. People aren't allowed to let their dogs poop every where. Why leave a baby's poop everywhere?

Also, one more reason I know I'm not cut out to care for kids: later on, my younger cousins conned some of the older ones into buying them fireworks. Okay, no big deal. So while my two younger teenage cousins (aged 14 and 15, which is still probably too young to play with fireworks) began to set them up, I had to CONSTANTLY be dragging the younger ones away. They weren't just standing too close to the fireworks, they had their faces hovering over the fireworks as my cousins were trying to light them. Did I mention this was all taking place in the middle of the street? And the minute I got them back onto the sidewalk, one would run back over, or the firework would go off, and they'd start it all over again. One kid (who was the main problem) said 'You're going to make such a good mommy one day.' My response? 'No, having to deal with you is why I will not become any kind of mommy one day.'

God, kids are dumb. And parents are nasty.

Rugrats and Retail

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:57:21 GMT

I work at a bookstore and, as a result, encounter more than my fair share of other people’s children whenever I’m there. For some reason parents seem to believe that our bookstore doubles as a playground because I can’t recall ever hearing a parent yell at their child for running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Today I was at the cash register and a mother with three kids came in. In front of the registers we have some large bouncy balls displayed. They have glitter in them so they immediately get children’s (and many adults’) attention. Of course, the children are not content with just holding a ball. One of the kids in the aforementioned family (probably eight years-old) started bouncing one of the balls. His mother told him nonchalantly to be careful. What does the kid do? Oh, but of course he bounces the ball even higher this time and it flies over some shelving we have in front of the registers and nearly hits one of my coworkers (I could have hugged her for the death glare she gave the family—and I am not a “huggy” individual). Rather than become extremely embarrassed the kid and mother brushed it off with some chuckles. Great message you're sending, lady.

I also had a father come in today with two kids and he said he didn’t know what reading level his youngest child was at so he asked me to get all the required reading books for the kid so that he could find the right level. Okayyy…Then he was so pleased with my help that he asked me to find six other books (after finding four for the eldest) so that his kid could choose a couple he liked. Mind you, the summer reading section at our store is set up alphabetically by title. This is not neuroscience, folks. Most of the books he was looking for were right there in front of him. Again, it wasn’t hard for me to get the books but there are other people in the store who need help finding things not for summer reading and have already tried to find the items on their own. This just took up time I could have spent helping someone else. The guy was extremely friendly, don’t get me wrong, but the message he was sending his children was not a good one: “Don’t bother helping yourself when someone else can do it.” Granted, it’s my job to help people and I don’t typically mind but this man was teaching another generation to be completely helpless.

One more rant. On the fourth of July I was also working and put up a couple of plastic shelves on a display and put some puzzles and books on top of said shelves. I walked past them about an hour or so later and I saw that they had been taken down and were being played with by a young child (4 years-old maybe) whose mother was sitting right in front of her, reading a book. It took me next to no time to put the shelves up but it’s the principle. We are a business—do not take apart our displays. I just couldn’t fathom someone thinking that was acceptable. There are plenty of plush toys in the kids’ section of the store to play with (also a nuisance). Why disassemble things that are not meant to be moved? Or why permit it?

It’s really disheartening the lessons parents are bestowing upon their children. I’ve seen children knock over stacks of books and quickly run away. It infuriates me but then I realize it’s really no surprise considering I see numerous parents leave stacks of books where they don’t belong and then complain when an item isn't where the computer says it should be.

Sorry, I realize this was a relatively lengthy post but I can only vent to my co-workers so much and nearly all of them have kids so I cannot fully express my lack of enthusiasm for the little ones in such an obvious manner when speaking with them.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:37:43 GMT

So I'm relatively new to both this group and Livejournal as a whole. My friend Aimee (*waves* hi Ames!) introduced me to this group after we both discovered we were vehemently childfree. I think it's fantastic that we are able to find our own little slice of the internet to commiserate while the rest of the world looks at us like we should be pitied or locked up for not desiring kids of our own. I've recently taken to telling people I'm incapable of having children (because, truly, I am incapable of having children be in my care without maiming somebody, so it's technically not a lie) and the amount of "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that!" and "God has a plan for you, maybe you should adopt!"'s I get are beyond sickening. I feel I should mention that I don't hate children just because they are children, although some breeds (like the entitled brats of the world) disgust me, along with their parents. My younger sister actually has a child, my nephew, whom I absolutely adore.. but then again, my little sister is one of the rare parents who you know, actually takes care of her kid. He's not even 2 years old yet, but that kid has manners. If only there were more kids like him.. but I digress. Anyway, I'm glad to know that at least I can be amongst those who understand my feelings once in awhile here!

Anyway, to not be totally off-topic, the reason I decided to finally post tonight was because my fuckhead of a neighbor displayed her stellar parenting skills again this evening, and I thought I'd share yet another reason why parents are ruining the generation behind us:

I live in a tight community of townhouses, and I happen to share my "house" with a single mother of three young children. Now, before I discovered she had children (which took, oh, 30 seconds before one came tearing across the yard screaming about the other one stealing his precious piece of paper or something) I actually thought she was a pretty cool chick, and I was attracted to her. She spoiled that about 2 minutes into our conversation, after one of the sprogs came running out, when she proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes telling me everything wonderful about her kids ranging from how GENIOUS they are because they were potty trained 2 weeks before babycenter.com said they should be to how horrible their father is for not wanting anything to do with them since he found a new girlfriend (I can give you a few guesses as to why he picked her over you, if you'd like)

Well, she doesn't have a job that I can see - and sorry, I don't count "stay-at-home mom" as a job, I don't think watching Oprah all day while your offspring pulls the house apart counts as a "job." - so one would think she'd be able to keep an eye on her kids, at least while they're at home. Not so! Not once, not twice, not even three times, folks, but FOUR TIMES today, her youngest one managed to get out the front door (probably by opening it, you lazy ass excuse for a parent) make it over to my house, opening my front door, and making it halfway into my hallway before I caught them and told them to scram. The fourth time, the mongrel actually grabbed for a very expensive African artifact I have displayed in my living room right next to the entrance hallway, and almost knocked it right off of it's display table. Let me tell you, if that kid broke it, he'd be broken in two pieces before his mother knew what happened to him.

By the fourth time, I learned my lesson and locked the door. Thankfully, I don't think he ever came back. But the mother never once seemed concerned - the child can't be any older than 2 or 3, by the way, it doesn't speak English yet, just makes noises that sound like words - has yet to apologize for the incidents, never once thanked me for bringing the mongrel back TWICE (by the third time, I just punted him out the door and wished him luck) and just kind of sighed and threw her hair back whining about how people don't understand how hard it is to be a single parent. Yeah, okay cupcake, whatever you want. Just keep them the fuck out of my house please!

So there you are. This is what I deal with on a daily friggin basis. I work from home, so I can't escape the situation. I've only been here two months, but I'm about to sell this place and move.

Oh, and nice to meet all of you!

From Fail Blog

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 02:06:39 GMT

see more Fail Blog

I would call this a win, though. I have a sign that reads "Pets welcome--children must be leashed."