Current mood:	pessimistic
Current music:	"Dead Babies" - Alice Cooper

To All Who Are Offended by Our Terminology:

We will cease and desist calling children crotch droppings, sprogs, vagina vomit, yard apes, larvae, etc.; mothers moos, entitlemoos, cows, sows, etc.; fathers duhs, sperm donors and other well-deserved pejoratives when the well-behaved child becomes the norm instead of the aberration in society. If you are so upset by our ire, I would suggest you take a look at the horror stories posted in childfree, cf_hardcore and other childfree forums around the Internet. See for yourself exactly what sorts of incidents cause us to have such a dim view of children. Some of the stories illuminate the reprehensible behavior that prompts our disgust. Occasionally, there is a story about a good child, a rarity so precious as to elicit comment. How can you then accuse us of bigotry?

If you are so avid about making the world a child-friendly place, you should train your children to act appropriately and if they can't act appropriately, remove them from the scene. Realize that small children do not belong in certain settings and do not bring them there. If a child cannot sit quietly for long periods of time, do not bring it to a theater and ruin the entertainment for all around you. Children do not belong in restaurants above a McDonalds or Chuck E Cheese until they are able to sit in one place, converse without shrieking and eat without annoying others. They should also not be inflicted upon people in situations where they are trying to concentrate, such as libraries, most office workplaces and museums.

Before the inevitable whine of “but how will they learn unless we take them to those places” escapes your lips, I would suggest that when your child becomes noisy or fidgety, remove it from the scene. Before the equally inevitable whine of “I paid for the ticket, meal or whatever entrance fee; why should I have to leave” resounds, I would suggest that good parenting requires personal sacrifices. Good parenting also consists of making sure your offspring do not negatively impact others. You want to be known as a good parent don't you? You don't want to be merely considered a breeder, do you?

If the good parents are willing to enlist the textbook rotten moos and duhs into properly socializing their crotch droppings, they will take away our ammunition for hatred. Peer pressure can be more powerful than any other force. Some of us would delight in that prospect. We would then be able to chit chat in our childfree forums about the state-of-the-art electronics, fabulous vacations, stylish clothes, spur-of-the-moment activities and a myriad of other things we can afford because we're not shelling out tens of thousands of dollars a year on offspring. We can all rhapsodize about the gourmet meals we feast on regularly at fine restaurants because we don't have to worry about some finicky child's eating habits. We will also be able to discuss the lovely ambiance of said restaurants because there would be a decided lack of ill-behaved children in them.

Speaking of all the money you are spending on your children, do you really think you're getting your money's worth if other people, even other parents, find your offspring to be obnoxious? You might think your getting quality if you spend Lexus-sized amounts of money, but you're certainly not if your child is as reliable and socially attractive as a used Yugo. Do you also think the rest of the world exists to accommodate your child? It does not. The world doesn't exist to accommodate any of us. Our task as arguably intelligent creatures is to adapt to our surroundings. It's your job as a parent to navigate your child toward higher levels of independence and self-sufficiency. Your child is entitled only to what you are able to provide for it. Society only owes you and your offspring the same courtesy you show us. If your child is a horrible little brat, we do not have to put up with it by virtue of it being a child. You as a parent, on the other hand, do have to deal with it in ways that show the child that being a jerk is unacceptable and that do not subject others to its jerkiness. If strangers look askance at your squalling brood, take the hint that they are not behaving properly.

Some of you feel that society should do everything it can to protect your child. Yet when society admonishes you for allowing bad behavior, you say they have no right to tell you how to raise it. You can't have it both ways. If you subscribe to the concept of it taking a village to raise a child, then let the village have its say and do something proactive when someone takes issue with your child's behavior. We will then refrain from further comment as you whisk Junior away to properly chastise and correct him. If you think all it takes is a family to raise a child, then you are solely responsible for keeping all the bad things away from your little darlings and keep them in your own home, thank you very much. You are solely responsible for them turning out well or turning out badly. You cannot blame TV, games, music or other popular scapegoats for your failings as a parent. Don't ask the rest of us to give up our adult oriented entertainments for the sake of your child. It's not our responsibility. Most of the time, the needs of the many (other patrons, diners, neighbors) outweigh the needs of the few (your family) or the one (your child).

Don't give us a sob story about any pitiful circumstances surrounding your family either. We don't care if your husband left you or if your child has ADHD or the affliction of the moment. You chose to have that child and all the glorious or horrible possibilities that entails so suck it up and deal with it. There are too many options for not getting pregnant or for getting rid of a pregnancy or for getting rid of a child. Don't even think of bringing up the “it's against my religion” argument about birth control or abortion. Religion is a choice as well.

Childfree people have been accused of bigotry because we use terminology to evoke our anger with people who simply breed and don't parent. There is a world of difference between hatred based on something someone cannot control, such as race or sexual orientation, and hating someone for something entirely within their control: their actions. Since your minor children are under your control or should be, you again are responsible for their actions. Those who breed do not control their children; those who parent do. If you cannot see the difference, you are beyond the grasp of logic.

Yes, we will tolerate your children when they become tolerable. We will respect them when their actions are respectable.

[Feel free to cross post, link or otherwise use to your fed-up hearts' desires with proper attribution.]