Six Truly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of.

This is BEAUTIFUL.

Except now I feel guilty because I'm a lefty

I love my mom. She CAN be a parent.

What I don't like is how she doesn't even ask if I have plans or mind baby-sitting my soon-to-be-ten brother. She never asks if I'm available to do it. She just gets up and LEAVES him there. And then, during the day when I'm stuck with him--sometimes ruining premade plans that, yes, I'd mentioned to her quite a few times--he gets whatever he wants, no matter what reason I protest it. Most common example: he wants ice cream. Only thirty minutes before dinner will be ready.

...

And I can say no all I want, but he'll call Mom and immediately she'll let him have it. And then she bitches at ME about giving him ice cream and spoiling his supper. And things are worse when he has friends over, because they pick up on that he doesn't get punished and I have no real authority.

I can't wait to move out into my own apartment. Then, she can't just dump him on me because I WILL lock the door and lock him out. I am more than happy to baby-sit if I'm ASKED first.

Anybody else annoyed by the Google ad involving being in love with someone in Paris? They fall in love and get married and all, and then, but of course, what has to come next? THEY HAVE TO HAVE A BABY! Duh! People can't just fall in love and get married and live happily ever after!

( I'll post it here )

Hello there!

I apologize if this has been posted before- I took a quick peek through the archives but would love to post a thread of my own.

For the past four years or so, I have been on the Yasmin birth control continuously... that is, I do not take a week off every month to have the hormone withdrawal/period. This is absolutely wonderful- honestly, who loves having a period every month? Not me. Added bonus is that I am way more even-keeled emotionally and can better deal with stress, etc.

That being said, I am very, very bad at remembering to take my pills every night. I've tried lots of things- phone alarm, daily pill case thing, taping it above my bed- and I still will often take it at weird times of the day or forget entirely. I remember reading that you are technically "covered" for around 36 hours since your last pill (BUT I AM NOT SURE SO NO ONE DO ANYTHING SILLY!) but the 99% efficacy is only guaranteed if you take it as recommended.

I should add that my boyfriend and I also use the pull-out method in conjunction with the pills (because we are both quite paranoid when it comes to... "parasitic infections.") However, my concern remains that one day I am going to forget a pill and the combination of an intrepid sperm and a cruel, malicious egg will result in... surprise! pregnancy. I also feel kinda bad that he has to do this because I'd imagine it's not that fun. :/

I have been considering getting an IUD for a while now because a) it'd be great to not have to think about taking pills every day, b) it'd probably be slightly more reliable than the way I am doing it now since I have clearly demonstrated that my pill times can be a bit eccentric and c) I like the idea of less chemicals and scary side effects than the pill. However, the prospect of having periods again REALLY sucks and I have heard some equally weird side-effect horror stories for IUDs.

Any thoughts? Thanks guys, I appreciate your input! :)

Hello. The following article describes a pattern of behavior that is one of the reasons I am glad I decided to never have children (even if it might not have been a big reason at the time I made my decision 30 years ago). It discusses student attitudes toward their increasing tendency to be ignorant:

http://www.freep.com/article/20100207/NEWS06/2070509/1008/Students-attitudes-a-major-obstacle-to-learning-prof-says

I could never have coped with children growing up to have this entitled attitude, which I'm sure they would have no matter what I did to try to prevent it because they would have copied their friends. Worse still, I might have ended up as one of these parents --- not caring that my children were unpleasant ignoramuses as long as they got what they wanted. What a world!

Yesterday, my partner's coworker got a phone call while at work.

Apparently, the person babysitting her four year old son had a big mean dog. The owner *knew* the dog didn't like kids, and the dog ended up mauling him in the face.

He had to have over a hundred stitches and they gave him a bunch of morphine. Now that poor kid is going to be scarred for life.

My heart broke for him; when I was three, I was mauled in the face by a dog. Its a scary experience.

Stories like this always make me so angry.

Even the nicest of dogs should not be around kids under six; they cannot be trusted together, ever ever, don't care, ever. Kids are dumb, dogs are dumb, the two should not mix until the kids are old enough to understand how to behave around an animal. And ya know what? Its the adult dog-owners responsibility to make sure this shit doesn't happen. That babysitter was an irresponsible fuckwit, who had (older) kids of her own in the house with a dog who hates kids. And how terrible is it that she knew that and *still* let someone else's kid in the house around the animal?

I know this isn't directly related to being childfree, but this is one of those situations where I think, "yet another reason why I couldn't deal with being a parent: trauma."

I feel really terrible for his coworker. She's definitely a good parent. She thought she could trust this person with her kid and look what happens. I sincerely hope she sues for every penny she can get.

I'm the only one I know of that doesn't have baby rabies. Even single chicks I know talk about when they'll have kids, and even have thought of names. It's very annoying. I just wish more people would fess up that it's hard work, and not as rewarding as they think it is.

So, I was out for a walk with my long-term (3+ years so far) CF boyfriend. He had had enough of people and society in general so we headed for the largest park in Toronto, High Park, 400+ acres. It was a bitterly cold winter day so we figured we'd find fewer people outside. By and large, we were correct.

In wandering the park aimlessly, we came upon the tennis courts (?) which for the winter had been converted into outdoor ice pads. Complete with a portable tarp-and-pole garage to cover the Zamboni ice cleaner! Delighted and intrigued, we wandered closer...

One side of the ice pads had an impromptu shinny game going on, and the other side had a thin crowd of pleasure skaters. Predictably, we saw a little bundled-up sprogling pushing around one of those tube "skating tutor" support frames, but as she moved away from us, another figure emerged into sight...

...a mother, on ice skates, pushing a massive 6-wheeled double baby stroller around!! On the ice!!

"Oh boy," said my other half. "Let's go, I've seen enough."

(I love my sweetie dearly. He loathes kids and only starts to tolerate them once they hit their late teens. I'm twisting his arm to come join this group...he's considering it...)

so today at the restaurant, there was a kid in a highchair staring this guy across the way down as he ate his food.. after about two minutes, the kid started making the most godawful noises while blubbering out bits of soggy crackers and the guy looked a bit irked.. so i asked him how he was doing.. and in a whisper he asks me if i can relocate the thing in the highchair.. i had to explain that i wasn't allowed to just up and move a stranger's kid, even though there are plenty of times it seemed necessary.. and he just looked so damn to defeated that i had to add "but don't worry, if it gets loose we can do whatever we want with it.."   ...we couldn't shut the thing up, but at least we had a laugh!

Somebody on another community posted a link to an organization that does free eye exams for people without insurance. This was very exciting for me, because my eyes are very bad (bad astigmatism and -15ish diopter). Then I go to the link and find out it's state dependent and my state only does it for CHILDREN.

Because working adults should live as legally blind if they're poor, but children deserve care. Sorry, but I can't see my bootstraps. >:(

I recently vaguely posted about this in a comment in another entry, but I just remembered a time during my freshman year of college when I had a pregnant breeder roommate.

When I first got to college, they put me in a "party dorm" where I was just driven insane. After about two months, I complained to the residential services that I needed to move. So, they moved me in to another dorm...with a pregnant roommate. She got pregnant after a month of college, but she wanted to try to go to finish school anyway.

I didn't care that she was pregnant, and I never judged her for that. If she just took care of her crap and did whatever she wanted/needed to do, then whatever. It wasn't really my business. But she just had this "holier than thou" attitude that I just don't even.

Being pregnant and dealing with your business is one thing. I don't really judge women who have unplanned pregnancies because, well, stuff happens when you least expect it, and people make mistakes. But trying to force people to change to your idea of "happy" is something else. I hated how she treated me, especially when I never judged her.

She tried to "change" me into "a better person." She tried to get me to be more extroverted, when I'm just introverted and I keep to myself. She tried to force me to go to church and believe in her god when I'm just simply not religious. She just thought I was a MISERABLE person for not being EXACTLY LIKE HER. It really hurt that she was so judgmental of me, but I never was of her.

But the most hysterical "critique" I got from her was from the fact that I wasn't dating anybody, and I wasn't sexually active at the time.

She told me that I needed to find a guy and have some sex.

It was SO FREAKING HARD for me to remain my composure and not to laugh hysterically with her telling me this, while she was holding her pregnant belly. I did tell her I didn't plan on having children (I didn't know that "CF" was a term at the time), and she just said that I would "change my mind." So, a huge bingoer she was. But really, I couldn't believe she had the gall to tell ANYBODY that they should have more sex.

She never got to graduate college, but she married her boyfriend and is taking care of her kid. She always talked about how "wonderful" it was to be pregnant, but she seemed pretty miserable with her kid was kicking the crap out of her, so I'm skeptical of her "happiness" now. I really think she just tries too hard to convince people (and she's probably trying to convince herself).

I graduated college recently, I'm on my way to getting a career, and though I've been through some crap, I got through it in one piece and dealt with it. I've been doing well despite everything, but, LOL, I didn't have to get a boyfriend, get laid, have babies, or go to church to be happy.

I guess I'm just SO FREAKING MISERABLE.

Edit: I changed the term "unwanted pregnancy" to "unplanned" to prevent confusion. Her pregnancy was unplanned, but she wanted to keep the baby. She was an anti-choicer, too...*eyeroll*.

Hey everyone --

I've been in this community for about two months, and this is my first time coming out of lurking to post! I decided to post because my boyfriend occasionally looks at FoxNews.com, along with CNN and MSNBC, to see what all the news sites are saying about the same event, etc. He came across this article today: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,584936,00.html

( Wtf )

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/entertainment-discussion/the-2nd-annual-super-bowl-of-advertising-live-chat-2-7-10/t.58385961_1/

Gaia Online has a thread to discuss the advertisements which appear during the Superbowl. One of these ads is an Pro-Liar ad by Focus on the Family. As far as I'm aware the Superbowl is not supposed to air advocacy ads and I'm pretty sure they refused to air an ad by Planned Parenthood, so they are also showing bias towards the Forced-Birth movement. So join this thread to register your disgust at the FotM ad.

X-posted to cf_hardcore

Borked html fixed now?

I'm going to try to phrase this right, but its hard:

I read this book recently (The Mommy Myth)...okay, about half of this book. Its written more for women who are mothers (which kinda bored me) but made some really interesting points. In parts of it, it talked about society's expectations of women and how we're expected to rise to the role of motherhood. It also talked about how in many ways, society devalues women who choose not to become mothers.

1) Do you feel that society values parents over non-parents?
2) If yes, do you feel that this is more true for women, or do you feel that it is equal for both sexes?

Bonus Points!
Any anecdotes that tie into any of the above questions would be cool.

Edited.

...but, with all the baby names posts, I have to ask it.

Do any of you have baby names planned out?

I know how ridiculous the premise may sound, especially if the answer ends up being a resounding no, but I don't think it's that unthinkable or shocking to think that some of us might. I know for me, as a writer, as a roleplayer, as a gamer in general, and frankly, just as a human (because I think naming things is a part of human nature) I'll admit that I've put some idle thought into the question. I know a lot of people that do want kids, that have mentioned baby names, that I have in turn occasionally then criticized or complimented. One retort I always get is: "Well, what names do you have in mind?" "Um, well, hmm... let me think about that for a minute..."

I also name my computers (after anime characters), hard drives (after philosophers), and flash drives (after writers). I, in general, just like naming stuff.

( For the curious )

I thought this was a funny-yet-scary-yet-honest article on what pregnancy is really like, and how people who have already had or have never had children will not talk about the reality of the painful, depressing, and outright gross aspects of it.  You might want to pass it on to friends who think that pregnancy is the best thing ever, because it is a huge reality check.  An amusing one, if you have no intention of getting pregnant. 

Hi, people. I actually can't remember if I've ever posted here- commented, yes, but not sure on the actually posts.

Anyways, I am a fence-sitter at the moment- I like (well-behaved) kids, and like a lot of people, I just always assumed I'd have them 'someday'. But the more I think about it, the more I question it- I can't remember how I found this comm, but I thought it was great from day 1. I'm not cf_hc material, because I do generally LIKE kids.

My older sister has 3 boys- 10 year old twins and a 6 year old. I love my nephews to death. But being with them is completely exhausting! Babysitting, or even being in the same house with them can only last a few hours, or I go nuts. My sister is PNB for the most part, but while she tries to teach them and discipline them, sometimes the kids are just being brats, and there is nothing to do- the kids just get more upset the more you try to do anything. My sis and BiL do remove the kids from public places when they throw tantrums or are being obnoxious, though, Thankfully.

I work with quite a few people who have kids, and quite a few who don't- some who want them someday, and some who don't. I also work with some people who can't understand WHY anybody would NOT want babies. We all run into those. At the time, I considered myself childless- I just presented it to an associate as an alternative lifestyle. She was fine with people loving who they wanted, but balked at the childfree thing. I found it interesting- she went away still confused, but at least with food for thought.

Now, I have health problems- ADD, reflux, horomon sensitivity, joint issues- pregnancy would make those all worse, and I don't want to pass any of those traits on. My BF of 5 years has major mental/emotional issues (depression, ADD, anxiety), and not only should those not be passed on, but I can barely handle taking care of him, never mind kids.

So, back to the point- The other day I was at dinner with my family at my sister's house. Her kids were being a little rowdy, not eating, pestering each other, dancing about...but since they weren't screaming, and they are in their own home, and they'd been good most of the day, it was just let go. And I could understand that- they were just trying to burn off some energy, etc...I didn't like it, but I understood. After one of them (singing and 'moonwalking' about) made his exit, my mom saw the look on my face- it was a 'what the hell/no I can't kill him/ is it over yet' type of thing. She asked what was up, and I said "Yeah...no babies. I am SO not having kids". My mom, brother, SiL, and BiL all said nothing...not shocked, just nothing to add. My sister, in the most cheerfully sarcastic voice ever said "But Treyvana! They're SO much fun! :-DD" We LOLd, and dinner went on.

It was just nice to know that my family may not flip out seriously should I ever tell them that I'm never having kids. I love kids...but I really love kids when I can give them BACK.

 I am just a few years shy of fifty and now, looking back, I am very, very glad I listened to my own counsel and did not have children. You know some people get kind of depressed that they are getting older, but what is great, as a woman, is you just don't get those stupid questions or statements that you should have kids. It's great! Cheers to perimenopause and beyond!

Now, I never had a desire to have children. Never. I babysat only once and it was a disaster - they had absolutely NO SNACKS in that house so what do you expect? Quality child care?

Then a friend of a friend got pregnant at 15, had the kid by 16 and I saw her interact with her child when I was 17 and it wasn't pretty. She was stressed to the max and the poor kid paid for it.

Fast forward to my early and mid twenties, I worked for a girl's group home where some of the teens were pregnant. That was a huge eye opener and made me realize more fully the enormity that is proper child rearing. It is 24/7 day in day out planning, caring, feeding, teething, crankifying work. And it's unpaid.

Then I got married and got all the stupid "when are you having kids" questions and comments. I was just finished college and trying to build a career so kids were not in the equation. I did, however, make a promise to myself to visit this question at my mid thirties and then, that was it, one way or another. I did this more for the pacification of intrusive family members and my then husband.

Well I ended up getting very ill with a chronic disease that made hanging on to my career alone extremely challenging. Then my mid thirties came around. I decided to do some more research - I asked those people who had children some very pointed questions in regards to child rearing and health. If they were me, would they still have kids. All of them said "No". In fact, all of them said, that if they had to do it over again, knowing what they know now, no, they would not have kids.

I thanked them all for their honesty and made sure they knew I would not repeat our private conversation. I wanted to make it as safe as possible so they could be as honest as possible. They were and I appreciated that very much.

So I decided to not have kids as I would have been the one raising them 23.5 out of 24 hours a day as my now ex-husband was a child himself and incredibly irresponsible and selfish. I knew I should not have married him. I didn't go with my intuition on that one. But I did go with my informed decision to not have kids and I am glad I did for there have been so many things that have gone sideways that having a kid and making them go through would have been so hard on them. You never know what life will hand you as the years go by.

The most hilarious and retarded comment I hear is that people want to have kids to look after them in their old age. Yeah? Well keep dreamin' cause I worked in long term care and looked after my own parent with dementia and those kids who actually look after the parent all the way through, well honey, it's like winning the lottery. Most adult kids just buggar off and leave old Ma or Pops to twist in the wind. I have seen it time and time again and the one adult kid that does do the caregiving gets ground into the earth by the demands. We do have things arranged now in our society to care for the aged and disabled, their called long term care homes and for most of us, that's where we are going, like it or not. That's just the facts of life people.

I have never asked someone when they were having kids. Never. I had never been so intrusive and nosy. If a friend wanted kids I supported them in their decision. Those who didn't support me are not in my inner circle, not even close.

So life goes on and there are soon going to be 9 billion people on the earth, good jobs are scarce, most of the world's population lives in poverty and hunger. If we would look after our existing human family then maybe life might be a little better for everyone already here. I could go on and on but suffice to say, that you have to be true to your calling. I never wanted kids and when I was little I played with one of those dolls that wet themselves, you know, you put the little bottle of water in their mouth and the water goes right through to the diaper so you have to change it? Yeah, that got pretty old pretty fast and I left that dollie in the corner but played a lot with my Chrissy doll - the one with the hair that you could make shorter or longer. LOVED her! *laughing* She had the prettiest red/auburn hair that was mesmerizing in the sunlight. :)

Been a lurker for a while now but only just worked up the courage to finally join. I couldn't find anything policy-wise on introductory posts, so I hope this isn't out of line.

( I'm not sure how lengthy this will be )


I guess the real kicker was when my favorite uncle--the kind of uncle who likes to tease, is always there to lend an ear, tells you you're beautiful when you feel ugly--showed me an antique bassinet he wanted to fix up for me. After I had explained that I would never have children. He told me he thinks I'm too pretty to escape having children, which I don't understand at all because even if that were true looks don't really have anything to do with it. It was just upsetting to have a trusting confidant completely dismiss my values that way.

Anyway, that is all, and I apologize for how long this is!

My ex just drunk-texted me, asking if I was still happy with my decision to not have children. This is the ex who perpetually let me know that I was broken and needed to be fixed because I didn't want kids, and was became the gaping chasm that eventually ended our relationship after twelve years of being together.

I texted her back that yes, it was the right decision for me and my circumstance. It's not exactly a conversation best typed out in 160 characters or less, but it will have to do for now.

We haven't been together for six years now. Why this has come up now I have no idea, but I'm suspecting a shitstorm on the horizon.

I do want to thank you all for showing me that I'm not alone, nor am I broken because I don't want to have kids. It's helped my mental health a lot.