Not much of an update, but still...

Class continues to kick everyone's ass, mine included. But I'm loving it - I miss law. Oh, I don't miss practicing law, but I miss being around it - doing the research and having to work my brain around the ways lawyers think and just listening to legal talk. Reminds me of my childhood. I think I learned more about law at the dinner table (my father was a lawyer) than I did in law school.

I'm doing better on feeling like a human being. I'm maybe 87.5 percent there. The meds seem to be working on the anxiety, but they aren't making much of a dent in the depression. I'm far more used to dealing with the depression than with the anxiety, so if things don't improve from here I can probably manage. I do still have some nagging physical things that I wish I could get my doc to take seriously. I have another appointment next Thursday, maybe then I can convince him that my arm pain is not all in my head.

I hope I'm still losing weight - I've finally gotten my appetite back. Instead of forcing myself to eat two meals I'm now happily eating 3x/day. Mostly, I'm not eating junk. Still don't have much of an appetite, but at least I'm not feeling nauseated most of the time.

My muse has even made a comeback - sort of, kind of, almost, maybe. I'm picking up from a story I dropped, unfinished, nearly a year ago. I finally figured out which character had to die for the story to proceed. (A year ago, when I left it, it was a love triangle and I couldn't decide which of the two men was going to be written out. Then I decided maybe I was going to kill my OFC off. Then I just gave up and watched "Doubt".)

And finally, a quiz, snagged from goddess_loki

( this was pretty darn accurate )

First I need to thank all of you for your comments and e-mails. All the positive thoughts have helped enormously.
It is still a steep uphill battle, but I'm thinking more positively today.

I've been watching accounts of BiPolar episodes on YouTube and other places by noted personalities. Stephen Fry, Richard Dryfuss and others. It is quite a help hearing how others have gotten through times like this; it is empowering

It is really the meds portion that is confusing me though. I guess I will have to cave and go to the doctors if this keeps up to get a change of prescription. But I can not and will not agree to ever go back to the Mental Health Hospital which is what happened the last time, [ I was off my meds then though]. I know too much inside information about the place [my Aunt works there] to ever allow myself to stay another night.

Anyways, I am going for a walk  and maybe I'll venture to even see a friend and get a hug.

My deepest Thanks to you all again.

*hugs f-list*

Criminal Minds writer Andrew Wilder is celebrating his birthday today. Please come and sign his birthday card if you haven't already:

http://criminalmindsfanatic.blogspot.com/2008/08/criminal-minds-birthday-card-for-andrew.html

Shaking someone's hand? Good. The two handed shake, a bit overkill, but fine. Kissing my cheek when you're a sales man, we've only met once, and I'm alone in the office? Not good. Weirdo. Also, if you're trying to suck up to someone, I am not the right person. While I do have influence as far as technology is concerned, I do nothing about ladders and sundries.

*rolls eyes*

Had friends over for dinner on Saturday, with the added bonus of the fact that cleaning for company means the house is nice and shiny now. Mostly. My bedroom needs work. We made zuchinni grinders and salad and homemade vanilla ice cream, and had a blast. I fell asleep part way through Star Wars, but Jen and Scott stayed up and watched all three. Insane people.

I've been on a Buffy kick the last couple of days. It's been ages since I watched any eps, but I watched everything from Welcome to the Hell Mouth through Angel yesterday and the day before. I love that show. Sometimes I forget how awesome it is. Did I ever mention that I sleep with a stake next to my bed, thanks to that show (and my sis, who made it for me)

As if Physician Who wasn't a bad enough translation, I just got a Google Alert for a movie entitled Hedwig and the Red-Faced Little Ways.

So I found this right now at the journal of the lovely teelke  !
Maybe you have the time to fill this out for me ♥
Name:
Birthday:
Location:
Likes:
Dislikes:
TV shows:
Ships:
Movies:
Celebs:
Your favorite word/phrase:

I am heading for a crash. I can feel it.
I am doing everything in my power to stop it. I just have to keep my mind occupied and I've set my alarm twice a day so I force myself to take my pills. It is the staying away from recreational self-medication that is proving the most difficult.

I'm really not sure how to stop this though, it is the first time I can feel myself slipping.

Slipping.

Slipping.

I'm rotating between watching Chicago Hope and Sherlock Holmes. reading 100Years of Solitude, Sherlock Holmes, Aristotle's complete works and Faust and pacing. Well, I'm pretty much pacing while watching the TV and reading.

And now we have descended into the world of Marylin Manson.

'Redeemer' is a very very appropriate song at the moment

NO I am not being emo, this is serious, and really really fucked up.

Between work and the Olympics - mostly the latter - I haven't been around here much.

I'm in class all this week at work. That's the good news. The not-as-good news is that my boss is also in the class. (Actually, I love my boss even if he does look an awful lot like Rocky Carroll, so it's kind of nice to know someone in the class. But still... he's my boss.) The class is on food and drug law. I may not be the only person with a law degree amongst the students. One of the guys in my breakout group (which my boss is also in) certainly knows enough legalese to make me think he's studied law.

While I was watching far too much television this weekend I made time to watch most of "Elmo in Grouchland" (Oh, I need a Huxley icon, which means I need Huxley caps, which means I am the Little Red Hen of fandom again. *sigh*) and a little tiny bit of "The Doctor". Fortunately, one of the two scenes I managed to watch in "The Doctor" included singing (and dancing, sorta) to "The Witchdoctor". Unfortunately, really really unfortunately, he has a beard in that movie. WTF is it with the facial hair, anyway? I do not think I will be capping "The Doctor" despite Christine Lahti's and Adam Arkin's presence therein. (And Adam Arkin was so young!)

My ticket for Wilmington came today! Yay! A ticket for an event I will actually get to! (I got my ticket for the Oregon concert awhile back, but it's beyond unlikely that I'll get to that one.)

"The Tempest" is less than 3 weeks away and I have less than no desire to attend. This is equal parts depression and reluctance (if not outright fear) to face the unknown. I haven't been to NYC in over 20 years, and that was a daytrip from Chicago - I learned Newark Airport and the Port Authority bus station on that trip. But this one is Penn Station and the subway. (I suppose I could take a cab, but that's at least as intimidating.) To go back to my favorite refrain... if it weren't for the Front. Row. Seat..... *sigh*

That's about it from Just Outside The Beltway. I'm still waiting for the anti-depressants to start working. This is the only one that's ever helped; hopefully, it will do as well this go-round as it did several years ago (and maybe this time it won't plateau?). I'm still not convinced that I am healthy, but my doctor seems to think that things are primarily depression-related and I'm trying to trust him. (I wonder if it would be easier or harder to do that if he looked like Geiger instead of like Bill Nye the Science Guy?)

Criminal Minds: "Mayhem" - When an SUV carrying members of the BAU explodes, the rest of the team fights to save their colleagues and catch the terrorists responsible for the bombing, on the fourth season premiere of CRIMINAL MINDS, Wednesday, Sept. 24 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. Michael Steger ("90210") guest stars.

SERIES REGULARS:
David Rossi................................ Joe Mantegna
Aaron Hotchner....................... Thomas Gibson
Emily Prentiss........................... Paget Brewster
Derek Morgan.......................... Shemar Moore
Dr. Spencer Reid........... Matthew Gray Gubler
Jennifer............................................ A.J. Cook
Garcia................................. Kirsten Vangsness

GUEST CAST:
Sam.......................................... Michael Steger
Kate Joyner.............................. Sienna Guillory
Detective Brustin.......................... Jack McGee
TV News Reporter................... Monica Young
Lisa Bartleby................................ Moe Daniels
Shelly........................................... Amie Farrell
ESU One.................................... Geoff Reeves
Captain Warner............................ Greg Collins
ESU Two................................ Brandon Hirsch
Ben Abner................................ Adoni Maropis
Colm Lagan..................................... Joe Basile
Detective Cooper....................... Erik Palladino
Dr. Shore..................................... Loren Lester

WRITTEN BY: Simon Mirren, one of the series' co-executive producers
DIRECTED BY: Edward Allen Bernero

http://criminalmindsfanatic.blogspot.com/

Holy crap I hate moving! Holy crap I love my new apartment!

Thanks to Michelle and jn_oscargrouch (and chellebelle23's TARDIS of a Prius), I got everything over to the new place in relatively few trips on Friday and Saturday. I got a decent amount unpacked, giant chunk of cash spent at Target, paint purchased from an angry man at Home Depot, bed set up, and still somehow managed to go see Tropic Thunder on Saturday night. (Reward for getting through all of that while fighting a cold. Also it is still weird to pay for movies made by my old employer. I got really spoiled with free screenings. Also I have to keep reminding myself my old boss screwed me over; the company actually treated me exceedingly well.) Yesterday Rochelle and I painted half the living room and the first coat of the accent wall in my bedroom before cooling off in the pool and retreating to Michelle's for hours of Rock Band with her and Kirk as well as lots and lots and lots of food.

Violet loves the new place because lots of doggies live in the complex, so she gets to see them all the time. In fact, I know some doggies' names but not their owners', so I guess this is what it's like to live in a complex where everyone has kids and you're just known as Violet's mom or whatever. I am so glad the kittens aren't old enough to come home yet, because it's hard enough keeping Violet out of paint (futile, as evidenced by the caramel-colored streaks on her fur), I can't imagine what kittens would be doing! Still, it is going to be a nice place for kittens. Birds come and land in the plants right outside the big living room window, which of course isn't something I love, but kittens definitely will. I will have to buy one of those window ledge thingies for them to chill on.

I can't stress how tired I am today. People give me work to do and I somehow do it, but it's a struggle. I really want to work on my book in my free time (Ink's first draft is nearly finished WHAT!) but I barely have the mental capacity to write about how tired I am. And I was going to take it easy tonight, but tomorrow they're going to install my blinds, which means I have to get at least that wall in the living room completely painted tonight. I wish I would have known or I would have frigging started with that wall yesterday. Alas! At least it's smaller!

Here are some other things I don't have the energy to do right now:

• Read all the materials my grad school just sent me (probably important)
  
• Respond to your email, lulubellnyc, without just saying "!!!! OMG I KNOW SO TRUE AGREED"
• Work on my other ongoing writing project
• Look at creative/dirt-cheap ways to hang curtains on the widest window in the entire world (thoughts, guys?)
• Order a wireless router so that there is more than one place in my apartment I can access the internet
• Making this entry exciting

ETA: Clearly I am soooo braindead I only thanked Rochelle's car, but not Rochelle herself. I'm a terrible friend and deserve to be kicked. Rochelle totally helped me move, let me borrow her car, carried the heavy stuff when my cold made me woozy, and helped me paint. She rocks! However, I think much of this was an elaborate ruse just to use my new pool.

So I've been at Fish Camp since Thursday morning. I left Wednesday, though, and stayed at my brother's house for the night. I'm honestly not one of those people who enjoys things like Fish Camp, but I actually had a blast.

We got back yesterday at about 4 or so, and then I had to move everything into my dorm. It's all in here, but its kind of scattered around the place. That's on top of the fact that whoever helped me set up my bed into a loft, didn't do it right, so when it started breaking last night I had to pull the mattress into the center of the room on the floor, where it remains for now. I'm not particularly excited. Lol.

I did manage to get both my computer and laptop up and working, though, and that's really the only important things. Everything else can wait. Lol :)

Basically, I've missed anything that's gone on in LJ in about the past week. So... anything I need to know?

Yeah, so, last night.
I watched Chris Noth's last Law and Order Ep.
Sorta-kinda-but-not-disappointed. I thought it was fitting.

I then proceeded to watch 3 more Sherlock eps, which means I am now done with the first series.
It is beautifully done! I love Brett's little quick smiles which Watson describes so well in the books; it is like Holmes walked right out of the words and onto the screen.

Besides that, I also watched a few interviews with Brett and read that he was bipolar.

It makes me feel very strange when I hear things like that. Like seriously, I'm very isolated in my world, and I can count on one hand the number of people in my real life that know I am bipolar, and it is less than that who believe it. It is hard sometimes. But this also means that anytime I hear of someone that is it is like I latch on to them anyway I can because they just know what it is like.

It is kind of pathetic.

I went to a group once, but that just sent me off my meds and into some weird frenzy sending me back to the hospital.

Hell, it has only been 2 years since I was diagnosed, but I can remember events in my youth that were signs from about the age of 9. In all the years that stand ahead of me it better get easier. Looking at those pills ever morning is scary sometimes.

Anyways enough of that, today is a good day, and I will be practicing for my last driving test which is on my birthday. After I think I might go out to dinner with an old boyfriend and his wife. They are back in town visiting from Australia. I think a Chicago Hope marathon might be in order later too. I should probably download the rest of the series sometime soon. At least the rest of the Jamey Sheridan eps.

Wow, I am so rambling.

Cheers

Jeremy Brett is MY Sherlock Holmes. The man is brilliant and amazing. I have a lot to say about that, but at the moment
I'm currently on an excursion to the other side of the law. I'm in a really good state but for really bad reasons, figure that out if you want.

I just wanted to post something because I haven't been around lately.
LOL had to use this icon.
More to come later.
More Sherlock to watch.

*runs off to the TV*

Criminal Minds: Please sign the birthday card for Criminal Minds writer Andrew Wilder on the blog.

Thanks!

http://criminalmindsfanatic.blogspot.com/

Ouch! I was exposed to something that might cause eye and ear cancer. Thank God I just listened for about 5 seconds and I had my camera at hand, because I transfered some photos to my harddrive yesterday, so I watched for only about 20 seconds. I wanted to share this though...

I am working on my term paper (Yay me!) - or better said was working, because I probably won't continue once I've posted this (so un-yay me!) - when I turned around for a second to have a look at my muted TV. I shouldn't have switched on the sound, I mean, just from looking at these two I knew it only could be something horrible.

I thought oceans77  might write about this before I do, but it looks like she isn't home yet. Or didn't plan to write about it...

A few years ago - 2000 and following to be exact - we were "working" as extras on our favourite TV sitcom a couple of times. It was a great experience: meeting our favourite actor/actress, being able to watch the filming and take part in it and even getting some money for it. Not much, but it was nice anyway. We talked to one of the makeup guys a lot and ran into him on another occasion (it would take too long to explain when and why), exchanged phonenumbers and adresses and he provided us with some more or less inside information :-) So that was pretty cool. He stopped working for the show in 2002 and we never heard from or saw him again. Well we DID see him on TV a few years later, but that's a totally different and (for him) rather embarassing story.

Anyway, because we were sort of acquaintance, we obviously decided to send him a christmas card once. It must have been in 2001 (the post stamp isn't clearly visible), because we didn't know him before and had no reason to contact him later. None of us remembers sending him the card in the first place. But we obviously did, because when I met oceans77 for lunch today she presented something she recently got in the mail. A christmas card... “...returned to sender because the addressee could not be found at this address”. We sent that card in 2001 !!! Where on earth did that envelope got stuck? And why didn’t the post company just discarded it, when they discovered it somewhere after all this time? Didn’t anyone think that it’s really pathetic to return something to sender after almost seven years? Seven years! It’s ridiculous really and I always doubted this “letter took a century to be delivered” reports. But now I’ve got proof. These things really happen. Unbelievable…

 

People like him make the Olympics special, not some expressionless swim robot.