I was at the mall today and was having some clothing tailored, so I decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court.  Being a Saturday it was crowded, and they are already putting up Christmas decorations (it's not even Halloween yet, people!) but it was lively and I could deal with the incompetence of the food service people. 

I sat at the only table that was available nearby to me, a large round one that seated 8, but I figured if anyone asked they would be more than welcome to join me.  I was already 1/3 of the way through my lunch, and I felt I could easily finish up rather quickly.  Sure enough, a family wanders by--all six of them.  Dad, mom, and four kids under 10.  The kids looked reasonably well-behaved and weren't drooling on themselves, so I offered them the other seats at the table.  Nice thing to do, with so many people crowding the mall, hmmm? 

Mom--apparently the only person in the family with a penis--confers with dad (who may as well have been wearing a taffeta for all he mattered) and she looks at me with all sincerity and says, "How do we know you're not a sick pedophile?"  Okay... WHAT.  THE.  HELL.  Crowded mall food court, I politely offer my table to you and your family since I'm taken with a brief feeling of kindness with all the Christmas decorations up--and you accuse me of WHAT?  In PUBLIC, no less?

I stood up and I stared down at her stupid fat face and yelled, "How dare you have the audacity to even suggest I would be anything less than law-abiding you accusatory cow!  Consider my offer rescinded!  Now begone!"  And with that I waved my hand at them dismissively.  Suddenly it seemed to dawn on her that they had nowhere necessarily to go, and she tried making a pathetic backhanded apology with the standard "Well you can't be too careful these days" and "How was I to know what kind of person you are" excuses.  I took great delight in eating slowly, enjoying the large table to myself (no one approached it after that display), and keeping a watchful eye on the hapless family who did not find a table for another 7 minutes. 

And you know what?  It was my fault, ultimately.  I tried showing irresponsible parents the slightest glimpse of kindness, and they repay my considerate overture with heinous accusations and lies.  I share this as a lesson to everyone here--as a reminder that even decent looking parents with apparently well-behaved kids are still a threat to an innocent childfree person doing nothing more than being polite.  No reasonable human being would make that kind of slanderous assault on another person's character unless they themselves were guilty of some crime themselves.  Still, I was able to conclude my business at the mall adequately and despite the parents (who in retrospect are likely child molesters themselves) interruption of my day I had a very good day all things considered.