it's the new

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 08:03:46 GMT

"biz you never post here anymore" y-yeah, well. Here's a drabble I wrote for eizra, who now plays Hei at campfuckudie.

It's cold.

"Whenever we meet," Li agrees, "it usually is." He continues to fine-tune the dials, finding the measurement that they share, and aims the telescope at one-sixty degrees, then forty to the right. Hei would be as dense as the other man pretends to be if he still thought to ask why Li insists on being so precise.

"I can see you," Li finally murmurs. Hei's hand reaches out like a shot and pulls Li down harshly to him, biting out you can see me down here.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 04:08:51 GMT

Schmaltzy
- Because bad sappy gay ninja pseudo-porn just does not exist. Intended for campfuckudie because screwfate and betteruchiha get to have all the fun, the bastards. And this sucks, but.

( Their love is so... not really all that hotly described. Um. )

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 01:30:53 GMT

That one sentence of fic meme, damn it all, proved to be something I could do easily. Ergo, I push the results on over here.

Tue, 31 May 2005 02:41:02 GMT

Job Description
- Haku is more than willing to pay the bills. 170 words, written for naruto100 and harukami.

( 10.50 a trick. )

Mon, 30 May 2005 02:42:43 GMT

So apparently I wrote something very very tiny and somewhat very very naughty for sadieko on Easter.

POST FIVE SENTENCES AND CALL IT A LEGITIMATE ENTRY? WHY NOT. Jesus would be proud. Shikamaru/Neji.

Shikamaru feels like an absolute twit. "This-" he pulls at the ball of cotton on his ass - "is the stupidest kink you've ever had."

"Shut up," Neji says, straightening Shikamaru's ears. "Bunnies don't talk."

"They don't deliver 'eggs of sex,' either."

Neji smirks and runs his hand up Shikamaru's thigh, brushing lightly over the fur-clad crotch and leaving his fingertips to linger on Shikamaru's personal carrot. "You can't prove that."

Tue, 03 May 2005 23:41:35 GMT

Your Momma
- Innuendo. How ever will you survive it. Silly twenty-eight word drabble for theavatar100.

( Is this funny? No. )

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 01:29:45 GMT

We were stoned. That is the only reasonable, excusable explanation.

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 22:13:32 GMT

For naruto100. Wee.

Title: Six Inches.
Word Count: 137! Woo!
Challenge: Prom.
Characters: Sasuke, as he is just everyone's bitch.

( They'd get little crowns, too. )

Erlack. I need to write some AF drabbles in celebration of the new (horrifically bad) book, too. I loves my Irish boy genius, yes I do. D:

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 01:00:39 GMT

For my wonderful deathnote100. <3

Title: Imitable Acts
Word Count: 65 (OHOHO)
Notes: A non-challenge, very gay entry.

( I had to. D: )

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 03:55:34 GMT

For my own darling child, deathnote100.

Title: Ask Ms. Manners
Challenge: Childhood.
Word count: 134. That's a perfect drabble ~~plus thirty-four~~! I win!
Note: This... is really horrible. Hi-ho!

( 'Please observe: The correct use of a soup spoon.' )

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 02:21:53 GMT

Be Mine
- "Valentine's Day is merely a commercial endeavor constructed to aid in my continuing hatred of all mankind." Well, yes, but it's also about love. Naruto/Sasuke, PG. Originally done for a temps_mort's challenge.

( L is for the way you look at me... )

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 00:40:29 GMT

For challenge number thirteen over at deathnote100.

Title: Stop.
Challenge: #13, In The End ~~it doesn't even maaattteer~~.
Wordcount: 100. Aiaiaiai!
Spoilers: None! :O

"Well," says Raito, awkwardly.

L twitches.

"Well," says Raito again, "well, well."

L stops.

Raito holds the pillow like it's a thousand pound burden. He finds that he can't straighten out his back. "I didn't think you'd let me do it," his voice cracks. "You weren't supposed to -"

He'd never done it with his own hands before.

"It's all part of the plan," he remembers, faintly. "It's going according to plan. Now nothing can - I can create my - no one can stop me -"

Raito stops himself, just stops, and puts his head in one shaking hand. Behind him, Ryuk grins, agreeing. "No one."

And, uh, the same MP3 I gave them: Poe's "Rose."

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 02:29:57 GMT

First of two Sakura-centered tid-bits for calophi, who bought me paid user time. Done in three minutes, and it sucks, BUT IT IS MY LOVE THAT COUNTS. <3

---

"Sakura," Sasuke says. He looks at the ground, at that tree, at the box in his hands - anything but 'her.' Even now it's... embarrassing.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto agrees, and after Sasuke says nothing else, Naruto pokes him.

"Ah - I have," Sasuke stops. "I mean, it's nothing important, or like I went out and... it's just - it's only -"

"Happy Birthday, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheers, and he helps Sasuke blindly thrust the package forward.

Ten seconds goes by before the impassive recipient takes it. "Nice job, Sasuke," Kakashi says. "No, really. Maybe, next time, you can even get through practicing without Naruto's help."

"Shut up," Sasuke mutters. "I'll get it right."

"Eventually," Naruto adds.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 04:34:15 GMT

darkeyedwolf is a bad influence on me. A quick little ficlet for her.

Kid's Stuff
- "Won't someone think of the children?" For shame, Kakashi-sensei. You're a bad, bad teacher. (Kakashi/Sasuke. No, seriously.)

Sasuke looked from the object in his hands to Kakashi's face and back again. And again. And again. His thoughts just kept derailing and refused to connect. This made no sense.

Clearing his throat in what was meant to be a threatening manner, Sasuke tried again. "You bought me porn," he said. It wasn't a question. Sasuke was currently holding the very essence of hentai, courtesy of a teacher, in his hands.

His bare hands at that. Steel wool and bleach would have to be found. The sooner, the better.

Lazily flipping a page, Kakashi barely looked up from his own copy of Icha Icha Shota to reply. "Yes," he said, "I did."

Sasuke's mind trembled, threatening to break apart again, but Sasuke kept himself together. He was nothing if not stubborn and determined. "You bought me porn," he hissed. "You bought me, your student, pornography. Pornography with -" he opened the book at random to prove his point, but then died a little in his soul upon seeing...

"- with... sex," he finished, albeit lamely.

"Yes," Kakashi said again, and if this wasn't Kakashi-fucking-sensei Sasuke could have sworn he'd seen the shadow of a wink in the one visible eye.

"Of course I'd give you pornography with sex in it," he continued, matter of factly. He'd shut his own book and was suddenly looking at Sasuke with an incredible, raw intensity. "I got it with you in mind. And it's good porn, I'll have you know. Very well done, though the content could be questioned. Not everyone enjoys shota," he admitted, and then he placed his hand on Sasuke's knee, "but I think that you would, Sasuke."

Sasuke mentally sputtered and coughed for nearly a minute before dying out all together. "I see," he finally choked out. He didn't. "So is that why you bought your student porn?"

Sasuke was sure he saw Kakashi grin behind his mask. "No," Kakashi said, "there was a two-for-one sale and Iruka wouldn't have anything to do with it."

Durr hurr.

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 23:26:48 GMT

sadieko started it.

---

When Kakashi had begun to stumble all over the topic of menstruation, Sakura could have killed herself. Or perhaps Naruto, who was looking at her with an undisguised amount of awe. Or even Sasuke, who was turning green at the very thought of her system and looking like he wanted nothing else than to saturate his mind with bleach for a month.

"And the cramps," Kakashi held his chin thoughtfully, as if remembering something from long ago. Rin had been such a PMS bitch. "Sakura will most likely be having those. Teamwork might be suffering later on because of them, even."

Yes, homicide was looking very nice right now.

"Kakashi-sensei," she said, slowly and carefully (no, her teeth were not grinding. Not. At. Fucking. All.), "it's not quite... that bad."

"Of course it is," Naruto shuddered. "You pour blood out of your -"

Sasuke made a gagging noise in the background, but by now Sakura was too angry to pay attention to such petty things.

"Naruto, if you do not shut up this very minute, I swear I'll-"

Naruto's morbid curiosity could not be conquered. "And do you actually stick something up your-"

Kakashi turned away from the delightful conversation to watch Sasuke run for the closest bathroom. Well, there went the rebuilding of the Uchiha clan. Sasuke was apparently disgusted by vaginae.

Like there was any doubt.

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 20:53:43 GMT

Oh, My Pain!
- "You just don't understand!" Sasuke never did figure out he was an angst whore. PG, numbersgohere wordcount. Parody.

Glistening metal. Sticky blood. Sweat and tears made the cut sting, literal salt in the wound. Sasuke's breathing was raspy, the pain making him nauseous and dizzy, but again he gripped the kunai like it was a lifeline, slicing across an open expanse of milk-pale skin.

This was home to him. This was relief. This act took him away from everything, away from revenge, his brother, his insecurities, his teammates, his sensei -

"Yo," Kakashi waved from the door. "I think I left my book - oh." A cold eye fixated itself on the bloody arm. "I'm sorry, I seemed to be interrupting something."

Sasuke glared. "Get out."

Kakashi gave this request all due consideration. "No," he said immediately. "No, I think not. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He walked purposely over to the boy, each step implying that Sasuke's melodrama would, in other circumstances, have bored him to tears.

"No!" Sasuke cried, slapping Kakashi's hands away. "You wouldn't understand! This is my only release!"

Kakashi dutifully hit him upside the head. "The only release you're allowed is beating someone to a pulp. Up and at 'em."

"Leave me alone!" Sasuke whined. Kakashi was unimpressed. Sasuke's righteous teenage angst had shriveled up the moment he began to pout. "The kunai knows my pain."

Kakashi gave a long, annoyed sigh. "I'll make you know pain in a minute," and he threw the protesting boy over his shoulder and made a beeline for the bathroom. Honestly, he muttered as he haphazardly tossed his student into the tub, Sasuke had always seemed much too strong to resort to this kind of thing.

Sasuke whimpered. His day had been ruined, but at least he could still write dark poetry.

In response to this. Hilarious.

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 18:57:22 GMT

This was originally for the gender-switch challenge at deathnote100, but I completely forgot to post it. :D;;

Three days into what Raito would have called "somewhat necessary treatment" and Ryuuka "hilarious," had the Death Note still been in the young man's possession, Raito began to notice something strange about who he was handcuffed too.

L never, ever took off his shirt in his presence. Ever. He would only change when Raito could no longer keep his eyes open late at night, or when the solid and non-transparent shower curtain was fully obscuring him from view. At all times, a shirt that was loose to the point of being ludicrous hid L from the world.

Raito had long since come to couple L with several, severe mental deficiencies, however, so it never truly bothered him... at least until early one morning, when he accidentally tripped over the small footstool L had next to him while trying to get a better look at the newspaper held awkwardly in L's hands. His fall was softened by L's chest.

L's... rather ample chest. To their mutual horror, Raito's palms had struck fleshy gold.

"Well," L breathed. Raito could only blink, dazed. "This is certainly awkward."

"..." Raito's mouth flapped uselessly. All vocabulary had left him. Somewhere in his brain, he could actually feel his hormones exploding.

"Raito-kun? You're not... overly upset, are you?" L looked as calm as he - she ever was. Apparently, she'd been expecting, perhaps even planning for, a discovery like this for some time.

Raito couldn't have even stopped his mouth if he'd wanted to. "Are these C's?" he gasped.

Raito's father was not pleased to hear of his son's broken fingers.

Also, this is the greatest thing ever. Massively disturbing.

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 19:11:48 GMT

NaNo survey taken from quackkwak/softcover.

NaNo ID:
Bizzle
NaNo since:
2003
Working title:
After changing it for the tenth time, Diablerie. But only because it was today's word of the day, which says much about my creativity.
WIP Genre:
Uh. Um. None.

AT THE START: DO YOU...
Have an Outline?
KIND OF.
Scene-by-scene?
I'D LIKE TO DO THAT TODAY, BUT HOMEWORK. ;-;
Know how it starts?
YES. :D
Know how it ends?
UH. HM. KIND OF.
Have your climax in order?
Yes, actually.
Know your main characters yet?
I PET THEM MADLY.
Have a particular tone in mind?
I'll worry about having a style, period, first.
Plan to Draw on your own experiences?
Ahahaha. No.

IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE:
Funny?
It wouldn't be Biz if I didn't try.
Serious?
It will have to be, though I'm not sure if I can do that.
Sad?
Ditto. Well, it's writing experience (tm), so I won't fret.
Semi-Autobiographical?
Again, ahahahaha no.
Based on another story?
Undoubtedly and unintentionally, most likely.
Influenced by any authors/current publications?
~~Yes, because I suck~~ NO. NOT AT ALL.

HOW HAVE MUCH YOU PLANNED? HAVE YOU USED:
A paper journal?
Yes. It's a teeny tiny adorable one with a maroon cover.
Pens?
I like pencils.
Multicolored pens?
No, as that may or may not be retarded.
A computer?
OH, NOOOOO.
Index cards?
No, that's what the mini-notebook is for.
Lists? Character list?
Yep. With little blurbs on each one.
Bulleted lists?
What quackkwak said. What list isn't bulleted?
Plot Charts?
No. Haven't had the time.
Character Charts?
Yeah. Kind of.
Character formulas?
The hell are those?
Favorite writing resource:
Dictionary.com. My GOD. <3

ODDS AND ENDS
A line you would like to use:
"And then they did some things, but those things may not be written out because good gracious, fifty-thousand words, right here! My heavens, the excitement. Would you like a spot of tea?"
A scene you would like to include:
Two of the main characters' backstory together, but probably not.
A concept you would like to explore:
How to have subtext.
A cliche you would like to avoid:
Making everyone gay. None of them are. Really. ~~Well.~~
A character you would like to use:
Karl WithNoLastName. He has a fur-lined parka and his family tends to be incestuous. Good for him.

FORWARD THINKING
Do you expect to be able to complete it?
No. FUCK YOU HOMEWORK.
Do you intend to complete it?
I really, really want to.
Could you ever try to publish it?
If I didn't think it was an overused plot, ~~sure~~ ~~maybe~~ no.
What do you expect to get out of this month of frantic writing?
A lot of frustration as I choose between NaNo, homework, All State, or the scholarship-winning short story I could be writing right now. >:/

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 22:18:53 GMT

I R MINDLESS FLUFF, HEAR ME ROAR.

War of Affections
- "A slight touch of friendly malice and amusement towards those we love keeps our affections for them from turning flat." You can fight each other, tooth and nail, but one should at least always have the curtousy to snuggle. Mindless, mindless Naruto/Sasuke, which I am utterly gay for as a pairing.

Love is just another battlefield for those who don't know when to put their weapons down. Domestically speaking, war had never started so easily.

On the first night, Naruto had the audacity to want to cuddle afterward. What he got was a fist in the eye for his trouble and the quick, angry departure of his bedmate. Sasuke had seemed to have taken great personal offense at Naruto's sickening affection and opted to stalk off to the stiff couch just down the hall, lest his dignity be again assaulted by something so obviously beneath him.

Naruto wiggled under the covers, slightly distressed - but mostly annoyed and indignant - and strained his mind to come up with a solution for Sasuke's snuggling phobia. Around midnight he had it, so he grinned like a fox - quite as mad as one, too, Sasuke says in a bitterly affectionate tone sometimes - and rolled over to go to sleep, content in his brilliance.

On the second night, Sasuke was tackled before he'd even gotten his breathe back from the sex. He was then "sentenced to the cuddling of a lifetime," courtesy of Naruto, "because that's what we're supposed to do, bastard." Ignoring his words, Sasuke expertly rolled Naruto over so fast that, before he even knew it, Sasuke was on top and pinning him; while nice, it was not according to plan. Sasuke smirked down at him, fingers tapping Naruto's trapped wrists mockingly. Naruto tried to seethe, but could only manage a disappointed pout. Before rolling off, Sasuke gently nipped Naruto's nose just to get him pissed (it worked magnificently), and proceeded to sashay stark naked into the living room, victorious yet again.

Naruto howled like a monkey and leapt up to bash that stupid fucking assface's head in with a pillow, the fucking insensitive jerk.

On the third night, after a brief conference with Shikamaru that ended with a forced agreement to never speak of sex with Sasuke ever, ever again, Naruto switched to a different tactic. He waited until their hips had stilled - and Sasuke had stopped arching his back while clawing mindlessly away at Naruto's own, which hurt a fucking lot - before launching his assault. Naruto attacked Sasuke's lips, mouth open, tongue rough and pawing like a cat. Sasuke weakly protested and batted away the hands petting his chest, but Naruto would not be beaten. He nuzzled Sasuke's sweat-glazed throat and parted the other's still trembling thighs with his own, piteously whining.

"Freak," Sasuke breathed, but was content to be ravished.

After he collapsed a second, and then a third time - Naruto had the stamina of ten men, which was Sasuke would never, ever admit to being turned on by - Sasuke wasn't even able to summon the energy to narrow his eyes when Naruto put an arm around his heaving chest and gave a victorious grunt. Too tired to move or to even blink, Sasuke realized what Naruto's plan had been all along.

"Bastard," Sasuke's throat rasped, and in Naruto's arms he swore his revenge.

On the fourth night, there was no sex. They just gravitated slowly into bed and the ended up meeting somewhere in the middle. Both waited for the other to make a move first, and of course Naruto did, so Sasuke thoroughly beat him with a pillow when he saw that single audacious arm daring to creep forward and around him.

And that, that was the last fucking straw for Naruto, who was only trying to show that he cared for the "fucking ice prick." Without so much as a warning growl, Naruto tackled his lover and bit him square on the nose in a fit of passionate rage. Furious, and rightly so, Sasuke did not take this sitting down. He shoved Naruto off of him and began to scratch the hell out of everything he could get his fingernails into, mentally registering Naruto's shrieks of "icicle up your fucking ASS" and adding his own of "brain the size of a fucking pea!"

When all was lovingly said and done - and a lot more ass kicking was done than affections said, boys being boys - both sat as far apart as two people could on a worn-out queen sized bed with the middle sagging to the floor, pointedly not looking at each other. The silence stretched on for minutes, and while they usually would have let it hang into the dawn and flavor the morning coffee, Naruto decided to be the bigger man this time around.

"You're such a frigid bastard," he whined, and kicked at Sasuke under the blankets. Right, not exactly an apology, but it was the thought that counted.

Sasuke seemed unimpressed. "Deal with it. I don't like when you attempt to smother me."

"With affection, dammit!" Naruto screamed, though he knew it was useless. Sasuke would never listen to him. Sasuke would never understand. Naruto liked showing love, Sasuke... preferred to be an ass, obviously. He didn't give good morning kisses, he didn't give farewell hugs, he didn't say "I love you" out of the blue. That was just the way Sasuke was.

And sometimes Naruto hated him for it, but also found it endearing. The complexity of their weird little coupling made his head hurt and his heart sigh and damn it, he hated acting like some whiny little girl. It reminded him too much of Sasuke.

"Whatever," said whiny little girl muttered, then looked over at the alarm clock on the bedside table with a slight frown. "It's getting late and I have a mission tomorrow. I'm going to sleep, if you've got nothing else to start a fist fight over."

Naruto moodily swung his ankle over Sasuke's and stabbed at the bastard's pale, bare feet with his toenails in annoyance. "Whatever, dickhead." Typical of the asshole to avoid their issues.

Sasuke pulled his feet away and sunk into the hideous orange down comforter Naruto'd bought them nearly a month ago, ignoring the insult. "G'night, Naruto."

"Yeah. Right. Night." This sucked.

He'd counted sheep, cracks in the ceiling, and the dogs and cats he could sense roaming around the neighborhood outside, but Sasuke still couldn't fall asleep. Something kept nagging him at the back of this mind, and despite his attempts at ignoring it, it was forcing him to make a few choices. Faced with no sleep, Sasuke had no choice but to make them.

He cared for Naruto, no matter how much he wished that wasn't true or denied it. Naruto awoke something within him long since blackened and shriveled, and Sasuke... he found himself taken with it, he could grudgingly admit. The man could make anything in life look good and welcoming again, even a life without revenge or ultimate power. Naruto could make anything right again, and didn't Sasuke owe him for that? His life had been saved by that conviction of Naruto's, in more ways than one.

Someone who cared enough about him like that did, admittedly, deserve more. Shit. He was going to have to do it, and he'd like doing to, if he was completely honest with himself.

Which he wasn't, yet. Step by tiny step, first.

Gathering up a bit of resolution, Sasuke leaned over to poke Naruto in the shoulder. "Hey, dumbass," he whispered.

Naruto rolled over to face him, irritated. "What? I'm trying to sleep here, bastard."

Sasuke said nothing and just flopped his arm around Naruto's back to better snuggle in. "You're a fucking idiot, so be glad that I like you," drifted between them, unsaid.

"Er," Naruto said, articulate as always, and stared.

Sasuke just pressed his face into Naruto's warm neck and sighed. Twit.

Game, set, battle won. When he finally realized this, Naruto's heart simultaneously stopped and soared. His bastard did care, he thought affectionately, after all.

Turning on to his other side, Naruto curved his hand around the small of Sasuke's back like a true victor. Ha, he'd known it all along.

Really.

On the new first day, the morning after, Naruto attempted to hold hands in public. Appropriately prompted, Sasuke furiously tore three of his fingernails off for it.

One battle may have been won, but certainly not the war.

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 01:51:04 GMT

For impulsedriven.

Naruto, G, Sasuke and Naruto.

And the prompt word was...

Legion.

Ten. Twenty. A hundred. Sasuke didn't know how many clones of himself Naruto could make.

A thousand? Ten thousand? Sasuke didn't even know if there were any real limits to his power.

One. Two. Three. Half a dozen promises never to let go.

Equals. Partners. Both. Friendship can't be limited.

I obviously lack the skills to type shit out. >:/

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 00:46:22 GMT

Title: Not Shampoo
Pairings? Very, very unsubtle Naruto/Sasuke.
Notes: For the Adverse Weather challenge over at naruto100, despite being 155 words. Written because I like breaking minds and sadieko just needed a drabble.

Sakura wouldn't even look at them, which was very, very understandable.

"Sakura-chan, please!" Naruto begged, and he at least had the curtousy to tug a sheet over himself before following her into his freezing, messy kitchen. "It was an accident. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong -"

Saying nothing, Sakura only turned to try and make Naruto explode with just a glare.

Sasuke, with his shorts barely pulled on, still managed to present himself as calm and collected as ever. "Sakura, we're sorry. Naruto just has really bad aim. He didn't -"

In a flash, Sakura had him by his throat and was lifting him three inches up from the floor.

"I have semen in my hair," she hissed, and dropped him soundly on his ass. "And it's Naruto's semen. I'm killing you both slowly and pain-ful-ly." She cracked a knuckle on each syllable.

Behind his lop-sided table, Naruto whimpered. This was why he never bottomed.

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 22:45:58 GMT

Was bored and unwilling to do homework. Therefore, ficlet.

Naruto, R, WTF-inducing.

Naruto realized something was very, very wrong when he woke up naked. It wouldn't have been so weird if it were summer - Konoha's heat was oppressive then, during the nights - but he distinctly remembered cursing at the coldness in his apartment before falling asleep that night. He didn't even have his sleeping hat on, only shackles and electrodes, and even Sasuke was in the nude as he was being anally probed next to -

Wait.

"Sasuke, you pervert!" Naruto screamed.

Sasuke just glared like it'd freeze Hell over if he tried hard enough. "Like this was my idea," he growled, then winced. Fuck, that thing was cold.

Naruto blanched. "They're... they're not going to do that to ME, right?"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders, at least to the extent that his bonds would let him. "Probably." The priceless look on Naruto's face was almost worth the discomfort in his ass.

"Damn," Naruto swore, "and I'm not even the gay one."

Sasuke nearly grinned. "True, that. So, after we get out of here, want to fuck?"

"Of course," Naruto leered. "When don't I?"

Then Sakura woke up screaming in a cold, cold sweat.

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 22:26:56 GMT

OMF, update.

Knowledge Is Power
- "And Artemis is weak." Not even you can know everything, Arty.

Artemis' intellect had always been two things: alarming on some deep, primal scale for many who had made his aqauntence, and, fortunately for Artemis and the company he kept, resolute in its brilliance. He knew, he'd always know, and knowing everything was what counted. His astounding mind could be depended upon in all situations to pull him from any incoming danger that life could throw at him. In short, Artemis Fowl the Second's brain was a consistent, dependable tool that even Jeeves and Holmes would have respectfully defered to, and so the fashion would be, forevermore.

At least that's what Artemis had thought, though the possibilty of being wrong had, of course, crossed his mind once or twice. Traitorous thoughts. Artemis cursed himself and his egotism quietly, then wiped the blood from his lips.

Leveling his gun at the half-crazed Juliet, Artemis knew that, this time, he didn't know. He tried to clear his mind - tried not to think of Holly lying broken and dead before him. Of Domovoi leaping in front of him for one last, final time. Of Juliet's last sane look before Spiro's injection flowed into her brain, bubbling the blood and water around it as she screamed in anguish and confusion.

He didn't know what to do.

He didn't know.

I POST MULTI-CHAPTER FIC YES.

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 03:17:24 GMT

Embrangle
- In which love is told to blossom and everyone plays the part of the manure. It's Naruto/Sasuke, cleverly disguised as Shikamaru/Ino, cleverly disguised as Sakura/Lee. ir brilliant yes.

He had gotten three hours worth of cloud watching before Ino came up and kicked him - a new record.

"Listen up, you dolt," she said, leaning over to purposely block the view. She looked like a hungry black Mamba looming across the sky. Not a good sign. "You've got to help me with something, okay?"

Shikamaru groaned and rolled over on to his stomach. Shit. From experience, he knew there'd be no getting rid of her. Move along, clouds, the day has been blown.

"It's Saturday," he whined. "Chores are done and my missions are finished -" and Shikamaru almost managed to dodge Ino's impatient punch.

"It's important," Ino whined back. She didn't seem to be moved by Shikamaru's annoyed look and tender rubbing of his eye.

And as she began explaining, much to his chagrin, Shikamaru almost thought to explain to Ino that days off meant just that - days off from everything, including obnoxious teammates - but knew better immediately. Between the usual weeks it took to persuade Ino to leave him out of her schemes or to stoically - and unhelpfully - go along with whatever plot she had cooked up this time, the latter had always seemed to require the least amount of energy in the long run. Besides, Ino had managed to successfully punch him in the face once already, and pain was such a bother. And really, her plans were never usually that bad.

Belatedly, Shikamaru would realize that he had been a foolishly optimistic twit.

"And he actually came right out and asked for my help," Ino finished, looking exceptionally pleased with herself. It was probably the first time such a thing had ever happened, and for good reason. Ino was notorious for her horrible personal advice. Admittedly, she could turn "any frown upside down," but suitable, mild advice seemed just out of her reach. Like anything and everything else with her, it had to be done intensively, with working-to-the-bone work ethic, and preferably with much fellow teammate and villager torture involved. Her last plot had even involved the Hokage, three academy students, and a trapdoor placed right next to the market fish stall. Chouji had smelled like rotten seafood for days.

Reluctantly sitting up as straight as he was willing to, Shikamaru mentally shook his head. Having listened to her wanted favor, Shikamaru realized that he really had been stupid to go along with it, at least up to this point. He made a mental note to start putting in actual effort to avoid Ino from now on.

"I'm not helping you set them up," he muttered. "At least not that way. It would be useless and wasted effort. Sakura would never be fooled like that."

Ino wasn't listening. Sweeping her hair away from her face in what she thought was a world-weary gesture, she sighed. "Lee may be a total weirdo, but I just couldn't not help him!"

Double negative, Shikamaru thought absently, but didn't mention it. If one black eye was a bother, two would be downright unpleasurable.

With one recently manicured nail, judging from the shine, Ino poked him in what could almost be called an affectionately annoyed, manner. "Admit it, you want to help. He's been chasing her since FOREVER and she's finally showing some interest back. How can you resist? The timing is perfect!"

Shikamaru grunted and turned to look at a fascinating blade of grass. He honestly didn't care for blossoming teenage romances, and all though Ino had something that could almost resemble a point, he didn't want to be responsible for the creation of one. Maybe he could just let Ino beat him enough to slip into unconsciousness, then he'd finally get time off from her constant -

"Shikamaru!" Ino screamed, kicking at him again. "Dammit, think of a plan for me!"

Shikamaru stared at her for a second or two, then made up his mind and flopped back on to the grass. "Ow," he said, finally remembering to say it, and seeing Ino preparing to kick again out of the corner of his eye, he mumbled, "Fine, fine. I'm thinking."

"Oh," was all Ino said. She sat down on to the grass next to him and waited. If Shikamaru was thinking, then she could be patient. For a while, anyway.

Twenty minutes later, after even the slowest cloud had fully passed them overhead, Shikamaru had thought enough. "All right, this is what I have, and if you don't like it, tough."

Ino liked it. She left, satisfied.

Watching her swaying form slowly disappear, Shikamaru quietly apologized to everyone in the village and went back to his cloud gazing with mild worry weighing down his mind. Sakura, if she ever found out who had planned this, would murder him.

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 03:41:26 GMT

Because I clearly need more things to occupy my time with.

( 'The Cattleman and the Virgin Heiress.' )