The Canon Sue Report
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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| Friday, July 10th, 2009 | 4:49 pm
[bandazgeek]
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My first Canon Stu spork, so be genteel!
I don't think this Stu has been sporked before; I google-fu'd it and I couldn't find anything. Also this may be somewhat subject to debate, given that the symptoms are not as severe as some of the other Stus we've seen in here. I mean, I think he's a Stu, but I'm just saying, YMMV. Title of Work: "North" Author: Written by Alan Zweibel, directed by Rob Reiner ( Click here if the title doesn't speak for itself ) Current Mood:  bouncy | | Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | 7:45 pm
[gondolinchick01]
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Xena: Warrior Princess
I might be going a little easy on this since Xena was one of the bastions of my childhood. Even now if I'm feeling down I’ll pop in one of my XWP DVDs and revel in the extremely anachronistic silliness. Still, I acknowledge that she’s a complete Mary-Sue in just about every possible way, so I decided to write up a report. Title of Work: Xena: Warrior Princess Author: Various, the show was Rob Tapert’s brainchild Full Name, including titles: Xena, Warrior Princess Full Species(es): Human/possibly half goddess (more on that later.) Hair Colour (include adjectives): Dark brown Eye Colour: Blue Unusual Markings/Colourations: Well, she did get some pretty cool mendhi in that one India arc… Special Possessions/Pets: Her sword, chakram and improbable leather armor as well as a horse named Argo. Annoying Sidekicks: Gabrielle the perky blonde sidekick/girlfriend/PR manager, Joxer the obnoxious-yet-endearing hero wannabe. Picks up a few temporary others in later seasons, like her daughter Eve, Amarice the Amazon chick and Eli the horrible Jesus rip-off. ( Spoilers for... uh, Greek mythology? And the show, of course. ) | | Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 | 3:01 pm
[topazlily]
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Epic Stu On The Road To Underachievement
Title of Work: The Road to Underfall. First volume of what was meant to be a trilogy, but ended up being a septology. As usual. I haven’t read the rest of the series and I don’t want to. (To be fair, it might well get better as it goes along and the author gets more practice.) Author: Mike Jefferies. Full Name, including titles: Thane/Thanehand (this fantasy world’s naming system appears to consist of simply running all your names together). Keeper of the Hollow. Full Species: Stuis Epicus Genericii Hair Colour (include adjectives): Blond. Eye Colour: Pale blue. Unusual Markings/Colourations: None. Special Possessions/Pets: A flock of magic owls who obey only him, because he’s the Chosen One. A pack of wild dogs (“Border Runners”) who obey only him, because he’s the Chosen One. An extra-speshul stallion, Esteron (son of some kind of horse god), who was thought untameable until Thane did the trick, and who obeys only him because... well, you know the drill. A silk scarf given him by his mother and embroidered by his girlfriend, which glows through the Power of Love, As Is Foretold In The Prophecy (no, really). A speshul, unbreakable dagger, a gift from the previous greatest swordsman in all Elundium after Thane defeated him. A sword presented to him in honour of his rescue of Elionbel (see below). The story’s rather pathetic McGuffin, a letter from the King to the Keeper of the remote fortress of Underfall. We are told that it would be literally the end of the world were this message to fall into the wrong hands... but actually it’s pointless. A pity, considering that Thane’s quest to deliver it comprises about nine-tenths of the book. Annoying Sidekicks: Kyot/Kyotorm, his, well, sidekick. Elionbel, a beautiful girl whom he rescues from the Orc-substitutes (“Nightbeasts”) and who is passionately in love with him, though her father forbids her to wed Thane because of his common blood. Nevian, Master of Magic, a wizard. Various other stock characters I can’t be bothered listing. Annoying Origin: Elundium. I’m not sure what Elundium is. If it’s a world it’s awfully small, and if it’s a country it’s odd that it doesn’t seem to have any borders or neighbours or anything. Thane is the grandson of Thoron/Thoronhand, a legendary war-hero and errand-rider. (In this scenario it is possible to be a world-famous postman, like in that Kevin Costner film.) Alas! Thoron’s heirs have fallen on evil days, due to the evil schemes of evil people of evilness. Annoying Way of Ruining the Story:Thane’s general awesomeness gets extensive coverage– at the expense of such insignificant little details as plot (doesn’t make sense), characterization (paper-thin, even by fantasy standards) and world-building (there seems to be exactly one city in the entire world). It’s not that this book’s terrible, though. There’s some nice imagery and some scenes that are quite well done; I think the author isn’t so much untalented as lazy. I hate to say this, but The Road To Underfall would probably have been more fun if it had been a total cliché-fest. Instead, it’s an uneasy blend of fantasy stereotypes and badly-explained original elements. Annoying Special Abilities: Straight out of the Fantasy Chosen One Box: Ability to “just know” things. Ability to awe all other characters, including those much older and more experienced than he is. Ability to become a swordmaster in a few weeks (after which he can mow down hordes of enemies). Ability to communicate with animals and make dangerous wild creatures obey him. Ability to grow up perfectly healthy on a starvation diet. “Ability” to not be afraid of the dark. Prophetic dreaming. Endless supply of Deus Ex Machinae to get him out of tight spots. And finally, of course, he is the One Foretold in the Prophecy, destined to defeat Krulshards, the less-than-terrifyingly-named Master of Darkness. Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: For a supposedly heroic character Thane’s quite passive. Mostly, stuff just happens to him. When he does take initiative he generally does something dumb to the point of being suicidal, but always wins out through a.) his mad fighting skills, b.) magic, c.) the help of his animal buddies or d.) luck, after which everyone for miles around applauds his intelligence and courage. It’s as tedious as it sounds. Redeeming Qualities (Reasons the Sue might not be annoying to someone else): Well, within the limits of Sueness he’s bearable, I guess. I mean, at least he’s shown to be a decent sort of person, so it’s not one of those books where the hero is supposed to be wonderful because the author says so, even though he’s a creep. And he must appeal to some people, because The Road to Underfall has a number of glowing Amazon reviews: “a brilliant read”, “an excellent fantasy novel to be placed up with the greats”, and even (I swear I am not making this up) “quite possibly the greatest fantasy ever written...if you have not read this book you haven't really lived.” ...Takes all sorts, I suppose. Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:( Oliver Twist thought HE had a raw deal... )( Every little thing he does is magic... ) Current Mood:  cynical | | Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | 5:21 pm
[pgirl1986]
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My first Stu
Greetings, long time lurker here to report my first canon-Stu, so I hope I get it right. He's from the Cartoon A.T.O.M.. It's not a very high-brow or intelligent series, and most characters are pretty flat, but the animation's pretty good, it doesn't seem to take itself to seriously most of the time and it's just so much fun to watch. It just suffers from a huge Stu as the main character. Title of Work: A.T.O.M. (Alpha Teens On Machines)
Author: Distributed by Jetix
Full Name, including titles: Axel Manning
Full Species(es): Corvus Angstalotus
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Brown
Eye Colour: Gray
Unusual Markings/Colourations: A chunk out of his eyebrow, fanon made it a scar.
Special Possessions/Pets: Lessee..... two flying cars, a super-duper motorcycle/Jetpack, rocket-powered skateboard, Special 'Jo-Lan'-scrolls and sword.... Admittedly, most of the team have vehicles and gadgets (It's made to push a toy-line), but he gets the brunt of them.
Annoying Sidekicks: At his worst, the entire Alpha Team. ( Ah shut UP Axel ) | | Saturday, June 13th, 2009 | 11:14 pm
[sterling_95] |
Right Royal Stu
Title of Work: Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (Princess Diaries movieverse)
Author: Shonda Rimes, Garry Marshall (Meg Cabot created The Princess Diaries but had nothing to do with the second movie)
Full Name, including titles: Lord Nicholas Deveraux
Full Species(es): Human aristocrat. Royal Gary Stu extraordinaire. Bad boy poser
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Dark blond
Eye Colour: Blue
( Spoilers for PD2 ) Current Mood: annoyed | 1:05 am
[xlineartx]
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Damian al Ghul Wayne
Title of Work: He appears in most of the current Batman titles Author: Grant Morrison brought him into continuity Full Name, including titles: Damian al Ghul Wayne, Robin V, possibly Ibn al Xu’ffasch (Son of the Bat) Full Species(es): Long-lost highly skilled assassin son of Batman ( Damian Wayne, ladies and gentlemen ) | | Monday, June 8th, 2009 | 8:01 pm
[orthent] |
Thirteen Reasons to Speak Ill of the (Fictional) Dead
Would there be any objections here to a sporking of Hannah Baker from Thirteen Reasons Why? Jay Asher, the author, clearly wants us to think her a beautiful noble person, but I can't be the only reader to find her the most spineless, passive, whiny, spiteful teen ninny since Bella Swan. On the other hand, I'm chary of mocking a book on such a serious subject (teen suicide). | | Sunday, June 7th, 2009 | 5:16 am
[sterling_95] |
Has anyone reported Robert Langdon yet?
I've looked in the archives, but I didn't see Robert Langdon from the Dan Brown novels in any reports. The character is one of the biggest Gary Stus I have ever seen (he's incredibly young, athletic and hot, yet somehow is an expert on everything from ancient theology to nuclear physics!), At best, he's used as the mouthpiece for the author's massive infodumps, but given that the information that he gives is A. Frequently incorrect and/or poorly supported B. Used to show up the policeman/scientist/theologian/historian he's talking to, and even though the other person usually has had a LIFETIME of study and experience in their field, they are unable to counter Langdon's brilliance Plus Dan Brown plain sucks, so I would really like to see his pet Stu get roasted | | Saturday, June 6th, 2009 | 10:12 pm
[mossygirl]
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Marnie 'Mary Sue' Isherwood
Been lurking for a while, but I finally decided to join because of my latest reading material. Title of Work: The Raging Quiet Author: Sherryl Jordan ( Marnie 'Mary Sue' Isherwood ) Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence | | Sunday, May 31st, 2009 | 3:50 pm
[aura_wings12]
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| 2:54 pm
[aura_wings12]
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Has anyone reported Kim Possible, Jean Grey or Emma Frost? I've looked back a while and I haven't seen any of those. Current Mood:  blank | | Monday, May 4th, 2009 | 5:52 pm
[dainty_rsmarter]
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I'm new and I come bearing gifts!
Hey, all!
I love your community. Everything about it.
I admit that I joined it just to spork this character, though. Once upon a time, see, I stumbled upon a list of "100 Books You Have to Read" or something to the like, and the title alone had me interested. I also thought the concept sounded really keen, so I picked it up.
While it's a pleasant enough read, though certainly not something I'd consider one of the greatest books I've ever read as the list had lead me to believe - I would have enjoyed it quite more, though, if the main character, the title character, in fact, didn't strike me as being a total, blaring, Mary-Sue.
So, with that, I bring you...
Title of Work: The Time Traveler's Wife
Author: Audrey Niffenegger
( Cut, because I do a lot of ranting 'cause I'm kind of a jerk )
I'd like to state for the record, that I'd actually love for someone to disagree with me, here...I wanted to like this book! I wanted to like Clare! Maybe I'm just much too dense and missing the glorious, deep meaning this novel didn't deliver to me? Maybe? Maybe?!
Anyway, It's good to be here :D
Current Mood: amusedCurrent Music: Light's Out -Santogold | | Thursday, April 30th, 2009 | 3:28 pm
[gabzillaz]
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Question
I would like to know if anybody did (or is planning to do) a report for Bella Swan from Twilight. Thanks! | 1:24 am
[terrene70]
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When the eyes of the ranger are upon you....
Title of Work: Walker, Texas Ranger Author: Television Full Name, including titles: Cordell Walker, Texas ranger Full Species(es): Chuck Norris Hair Colour (include adjectives): Ass-whooping Brown Eye Colour: Kung fu blue Unusual Markings/Colourations: His horrible scruffy beard. Special Possessions/Pets: Guns Annoying Sidekicks: A blond woman who he is supposed to be romantically involved with but there is zero romance or chemistry, three fellow rangers, a Wilford Brimley wannabe, and whatever damsel in distress the episode calls for. Annoying Origin: Texas Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: He is the story. Annoying Special Abilities: He can do, I dunno, ANYTHING. He can shoot, he can roundhouse you to the face, he can fix cars (cause he used to race, of course), he can run a school and teach children to STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS! He slices, he dices, he can do fucking anything better than anyone. Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: I have nothing against Chuck Norris's existence. Redeeming Qualities: (Reasons the Sue might not be annoying to someone else). Chuck Norris' narcissism is the only thing that makes this show entertaining. Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying: (Please make sure this is properly accredited to author, so we're not violating copyright). An ill woman stumbles out of a trailer and a group of gruff men grab her and say "Look, it's Pocahontas!" Then the woman's husband and friend come over and a fight ensues. Husband and friend are losing but then Chuck Norris busts in AND KICKS ASS. Wait, that's not annoying, that's awesome. | | Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 | 10:29 pm
[topazlily]
|
Crystals Are A Sue's Best Friend...
Title of Work: Crystal Line. (Sequel to “The Crystal Singer” and “Killashandra”, which I haven’t read and which may be brilliant for all I know to the contrary.) Author: Anne “Where did I leave the plot?” McCaffrey. Full Name, including titles: Killashandra Ree. Full Species: Sueia Melodica Narcissistica Hair Colour (include adjectives): “Sun-bleached”. Eye Colour: N/a, surprisingly. Unusual Markings/Colourations: None. Special Possessions/Pets: See “Annoying Sidekicks”. They’re interchangeable. Annoying Sidekicks: Lars Dahl Doormat, her lover and mining-partner, who gives a whole new meaning to “long-suffering” by putting up with her for one hundred and twenty-three years. Brendan, a sentient “brain-ship”. A bunch of hot males she picks up on a fishing trip. Donalla, a young girl whose life she saves. Lanzecki, the Guild Master, whose death she causes, because she knows (through a dazzling Sueian leap of logic) he wants to be left to die in a storm. She’s right, of course. A liquid alien life-form known (and I’m not making this up) as the “Jewel Junk”. Annoying Origin: She wanted to be an opera singer, but it didn’t work out, so she ran away to the crystal-mining world of Ballybran. Honestly, it really is called that. Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: *shrugs* Story? It’s just “this happens... and then this happens... and then this happens...” ...and most of “this” is Killashandra and friends mining crystal, talking about mining crystal, eating gourmet dishes of the future, taking baths in “Radiant Fluid” (yes, even water gets the smeerp treatment), holidaying on exotic resort worlds, then coming back to Ballybran to mine more crystal and start the whole cycle over again. The one issue that might have driven the plot doesn’t really come to the fore until near the end of the book, where it soon gets resolved via a blatant deus ex machina. So, basically, if you extracted Killashandra and made someone else the protagonist, nothing much would change. Which is a pity, because the background is quite interesting. Annoying Special Abilities: Her special singing power enables her to track down the precious “Ballybran Crystals”, which are used for just about everything in the future. She’s not the only Crystal Singer, but she is, naturally, the best. Like other Crystal Singers, she is infected with a “Ballybran symbiote” which gives her ultra-fast healing abilities and makes her immune to disease. And semi-immortal. And incredibly attractive. Not only that, but she has a fantastic head for alchohol. Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: Well, she’s self-centred and generally obnoxious. And boring- half her dialogue (and that of the rest of the cast) consists of shoptalk about crystals and crystal-cutting. Oh, and the author hasn’t forgotten to give her the obligatory Source of Angst™. You see, her abilities come at a Terrible Price®... which might have been a redeeming quality if dealt with properly, but it isn’t. Redeeming Qualities: Now and then Killashandra has to face the consequences of being such a pain in the neck... but never for very long. Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying:( Mary Sue uses *gasp* the search function!
)( Doormat wants to have a career of his own... ) Current Mood: accomplished | | Saturday, April 18th, 2009 | 4:52 pm
[animefan19]
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Wesley Crusher
Not sure if he's been posted here before, but what the hell? Title of Work: Star Trek-The Next Generation
Author: Gene WESLEY Roddenberry
Full Name, including titles: acting ensign Wesley Crusher, later upgraded to full ensign
Full Species(es): child prodigy, snotty stu
Hair Colour (include adjectives): brown
Eye Colour: I think they’re brown
Unusual Markings/Colourations: None that I know of.
Special Possessions/Pets: A huge knowledge of starships.
Annoying Sidekicks: None that I know of.
Annoying Origin: Arrived on the Enterprise with his mother and gained the respect of every member of the Enterprise.
Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: He’s constantly saving the day. In The Game, he’s the only one who even thinks to analyze the device that came onboard the ship, because no one else on the ship was smart enough to do so. Everyone talks about how mature he is, when he has the maturity level of a two year old.
Annoying Special Abilities: Wesley’s intelligence surpasses everyone else on the ship and at times even surpasses Data’s.
Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: He upstages all the experienced members of the Enterprise and was even able to use technology that was already used in the time of TOS which makes everyone congratulate him. He goes on and on about how he feels like no one takes him seriously and when a true outcast is assigned to the ship (Barclay), Wesley leads the teasing. In the third season opener, Wesley throws a tantrum worthy of a two year old, despite the fact that it was his choice to stay on the Enterprise, and his mother apologizes for it. The thing is these faults wouldn’t irritate me so much if Wesley would just get called out on them.
Redeeming Qualities: (Reasons the Sue might not be annoying to someone else). I haven’t really seen this episode, but I heard that Wesley made this huge mistake that got a local cadet killed and was called out on this.
Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying: (Please make sure this is properly accredited to author, so we're not violating copyright).
( Wesley's the only member who can figure out that Data is Lore, because the other crew members are so incredibly stupid. ) Current Mood: angryCurrent Music: #1 Crush-Garbage | | Thursday, April 16th, 2009 | 11:28 pm
[gao828h_k]
 |
Possible Canon sues for someone to spork
Exhibit 1: Okay I'm not quite sure if anyone's familiar with this character but it's Makedde Vanderwall (yeah the name's a handful) from those crime fiction books by model turned author Tara Moss. Basically she's a very attractive model who also becomes a investigator (similar to Tara Moss) Exhibit 2: Shirou Emiya, I'm not sure about this given his annoying ideology maybe his flaw as it causes him to do stupid things (taking a blow for a well-armoured fighter) and saying stupid things (girls aren't suppose to fight). But what do you think? | | Wednesday, April 8th, 2009 | 5:34 pm
[venusrain]
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Micaiah, Sue of the Dawn
I don't care if she's been reported already. This is Micaiah we're talking about. She needs this like I need Ritalin. Title of Work: Fire Emblem: Radient Dawn Author: Intellegent Systems Full Name, including titles: Micaiah, Silver-Haired Maiden, Maiden of Dawn, General of Daein ( Behold, the FE Sue! )My loathing for her is eternal and makes me biased. I'd love to hear from anyone who thinks differently of her. Current Mood: frustrated | | Thursday, March 12th, 2009 | 1:18 pm
[animefan19]
|
Kate Austen (Lost)
Title of Work: Lost Author: J.J. Abrams Full Name, including titles: Katherine Anne Austin, Kate, Freckles, Annie, Joan Hart, Monica Callis, Katherine Dodd, Maggie Ryan, Lucy Full Species(es): Puella angstia, Mulier bitchia, Pseudocanonica Hair Colour (include adjectives): brown (If I see one more Sue with brown hair, I'm dying my hair red) Eye Colour: I'm not really sure, but I think they're green. Unusual Markings/Colourations: For someone who's been on an island as long as she as, her skin looks pretty pale. Special Possessions/Pets: Jack and Sawyer's hearts and a criminal record Annoying Sidekicks: Sun seems to qualify. Can't forget about Aaron. Annoying Origin: She killed her father because he was a part of her. Then she ran from the law for three years, until she was caught and boarded the plane as a prisoner. Lucky for her, the plane crashed on the island. Annoying Way of Ruining the Story: She centers Jack and Sawyer's lives completely around her. Every mistake she's ever made is not her fault (according to the story). Kate has the two hottest guys on the island after her and constantly goes back and forth between the two. Can't forget the glare she had when Jack kissed Juliet. Let's not forget that Kate was involved with Sawyer at the time. Annoying Special Abilities: She can use a gun, she's an excellent tracker, she's the only one who can see Jack's potential as a leader, and she can take care of a baby! Is there anything this woman can't do?! Miscellaneous Reasons The Sue Should Not Exist: She should, but did they have to Sue her up completely?! Redeeming Qualities: (Reasons the Sue might not be annoying to someone else). She's hot, she's tough and she wasn't as Sueish in the earlier seasons. Small snippet of Sue Being Annoying: (Please make sure this is properly accredited to author, so we're not violating copyright). ( See this scene where Kate doesn't want Juliet anywhere near Jack, despite the fact that she's involved with Sawyer at the time. ) Current Mood: aggravatedCurrent Music: My Immortal-Evanescence | | Monday, January 5th, 2009 | 11:55 pm
[levikitty]
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Leafpool, the kitty sue!
Title of Work: Warriors (Specifically, the New Prophecy and Power of Three arcs) Author: Erin Hunter (A pseudonym for three four authors who take turns writing the books) Full Name, including titles: Leafpool, the ThunderClan Medicine Cat (Basically, a doctor and priest rolled into one) Full Species(es): Felis Catus SueusHair Colour (include adjectives): Described as a "Light brown tabby she-cat" Eye Colour: Amber Unusual Markings/Colourations: I'm pretty sure her paws and stomach are white, but that's it Special Possessions/Pets: None Annoying Sidekicks: Jayfeather, her apprentice (and there's a 99.9% chance he and his siblings are her kits, yet to be revealed in an upcoming "saw it from book one" plot twist). Despite being the sidekick, Jayfeather actually has something resembling character development. ( How one little kitten became a ginormous plot and realism bending sue ) |
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