Quick update [26 Jul 2008|11:33pm] harmonybear [ mood | sore ] [ music | TV ] Last night was fun though it turned out being just me, Glen, and Andre - and Andre left before 10. Glen and I got to making babies on the couch.... on FaceBook that is. I'm definitely back into an obsessive phase - Mamma Mia is definitely high on the list still, but have been happily diving into NCIS as a break from it :-P to hell with channel 10 I'll find my own ways of seeing the end of the season. Seriously, ten, you've lost me as a viewer. Cote de Pablo (Ziva on NCIS) is now my new love (though is love the right word?) I adore Ziva and Cote plays her beautifully. Yes I am happily obsessed and this will continue for who knows how long. My timing, healthwise, is horrible as always - noticed a couple days ago with a bump on my hand. Thought nothing of it, figured it was a bite, and forgot about it. Next day I woke up with more bumps. Was itchy all yesterday (everywhere, bumps or no!) but put it down to power of suggestion. Today? Still itchy as all hell, sinus problems, headache that didn't let up all day and is escalating with migraine symptoms, and a cough. I need to clean the house tomorrow, start back at uni on Monday, and have a braille lesson on Tuesday! My body screwing me over for the win :-P Am going to have to call Misty's this week. So far we have *drumroll* Me, Glen, Mitch, Maz, Rachel, Rachel, Nicole, possibly Nicole's mother, and I think I've asked one or two others + waiting to hear back. I really have to get numbers and ring ahead of time *makes note* So it was just Glen and me in the house last night, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking he was going to kill me. And here's why! Had a dream that the mafia wanted me to kill someone, I said sure why not then went on vacation to visit my parents. I didn't kill whoever it was, they met me when I was about to board my plane (tiny private one at that!) and said that since I didn't do what they asked and since I knew too much they'd have to kill me. But I should head home and enjoy myself as they weren't going to kill me straight away and I wouldn't know when it was coming. I boarded the plane and then woke up. My first thought? Glen was working for the mafia and was standing outside my door with a giant knife :-P I then went back to sleep lmao. I think I might call it a night and try to sleep in tomorrow - I've been getting about an hour too little a night lately and I'd really like to catch up :| So off I go to dream non-mafia-but-totally-NCIS-dreams :-P But not the dream that was a NCIS and Hellraiser crossover because dear *insert deity of your choice here* I do NOT need that one again, Pinhead and Gibbs going up against each other is lose-lose. ...Now I want Pinhead. Somehow I think Gibbs is a safer choice at night :-P Must find another Hellraiser dvd I need a new Pinhead fix real soon... Someone shut me up I just keep rambling :| post comment

7/25/08 [25 Jul 2008|10:06pm] barlights Uv pink lemonade vodka, raspberry lemonade, ice. awesome. 1 comment|post comment

[25 Jul 2008|04:23pm] barlights missions: - purchase shoes - return chocolate maower - get crazy drunk - eat something at some point - homework - draw post comment

ice crush drugs [23 Jul 2008|02:46pm] barlights [ music | weakerthans ] ice crush drugs Originally uploaded by ear hat slack on my third cigarette, it clicked. chaos to the left, order to the right. a storm that didn't actually exist was playing itself out on leaves at the top of the trees while the staccato beat of cars on their respective sides of the median pounded away. guess which side i was watching. on the left: wilco, lightning, ryan, god, my hair, wicked minds and idle hands on the right: love and hate, two way traffic, the english language, gravity post comment

A related Golden Girls post [24 Jul 2008|01:31am] harmonybear [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Tom & Jerry ] As a tribute to Estelle Getty I decided cheesecake and ice cream were in order and I made a point of staying up to catch the show - strangely enough I saw it last night for the first time in weeks too. Now the food was great, and the episode was touching - ( Cut for rambling ) And now that I've totally screwed my sleeping schedule I think I may head to bed. I'm beyond woozy right now as I was up until about 4am yesterday (called Mom, very glad I did and got to speak to her for the first time in about 4 months, but I wish I could make things better and make her heal faster - I don't know when I'll hear from her next as she's not up to the net and I loathe the phone more than she does). Am amazed I got as much done today as I did - made a call about getting a referral to see about getting another</i? eye test at a place that might give me cheap glasses - went shopping - was *very* stressed out by 2 dogs on the way home - Prince was great but the first dog was going out of its mind trying to get to him, and we encountered the second one while crossing the road. Got half way up my street before I realized I was completely out of breath from it. Made a point of stopping the boy and praising him like crazy for being so good ignoring the first one - it stressed him out too as he did the whole body shake as soon as we turned the corner. Tomorrow I'm staying home - the only exception is if someone *cough*Mitch*cough* takes me to the X Files movie and that's doubtful. We'll probably see it soon enough but I don't think it'll be tomorrow. So that leaves cooking and resting as my plans. Anyhow - bed sounds so very good. post comment

Answer in three words or a Giant Panda will eat you. [22 Jul 2008|10:08pm] uncut_diamond ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 15 comments|post comment

Sad news [23 Jul 2008|10:55am] harmonybear [ mood | sad ] [ music | TV ] Estelle Getty died - another comic great gone. Last night was the first night I got the chance to watch the Golden Girls in weeks :/ I don't even have words right now. 2 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2008|07:51pm] uncut_diamond ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 5 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2008|03:03am] barlights It's nights like these that leave me wondering if I've already left. I don't mean up and moving myself from one place to another like I've done so many times before, but rather to another level, another microcosm, turning off the Trans-Can without a shoulder check, to somewhere in the north of Manitoba. Where it's wild. Unplanned. Savage. Somewhere on the shield where the land, the food, the water, and that life, is all free for those who can find it,. It's the place where me time is any time and a serene moment is whatever time is spent stopping around and breathing. As for tonight as it is, I can't help my light a cigarette (butt, death stick, faggot, and other ugly words) while looking up at the sky. It's full of stars, and the constellations that we made up to try to make sense of it all. Forget the constellations. Forget the bureaucracy, the encyclopedias, the dewey decimal system. Take everything as it is, as the moment, the feeling, the little itch inside that makes it seem like a little part of you just came alive, instead of dying. Life isn't only a slow deterioration of the body. Being born isn't only for those being born. It's a myth that new brain cells stop growing at any point in our lives. Just a lie to enable complacency. Something born of hedonists. Sure as hell I'm not becoming one. I'll take a little work, a little sun, a little salting, until I die. Give me wrinkles, skin cancer, and rough feet, that'll see everything that's worth it and then some. Fuck your life. Your life consists of a white picket fence, a small dog, kids that'll grow up to be fuck ups, and two until-I-die's. It's a life with a polyester suit, a bowling-lane yellow shirt, and a tie with some pattern that goes well with any solid colour. Ha, yeah right. That's for me. Excusez-Là. (-j) 2 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2008|12:22am] barlights http://barlights.livejournal.com/tag/mutations people are taking this thing a person wrote in my lj and re-writing it but still trying to keep some sense of it intact in some aspect. so far my favourite re-writing is m's, it's absolutely a piece of art. though i don't hate my second one alltogether, either... it's amazing having such a talented group of friends. i really appreciate this, guys. ... now if only johnny would write one... i love the world my livejournal has going on in it. 6 comments|post comment

[21 Jul 2008|08:15pm] barlights The days when I imagine where you are and what you do with your time now are the hardest. Hardest in the sense that I already know. I was there. I saw it. I’m the one that had to carry you down to the riverbed. You felt light, as if filled with relief. It was finally a moment, not so much in your life, when the weight of the world was gone. I didn’t want to believe it was because you were gone, but I know it’s true. I recognized it before I even got there; I stumbled through the door as I absorbed the world, your world, because someone had to. It was heavy on my chest; I thought it was sitting on yours too, that it was what was keeping you from breathing. I was such a fool. I laid your heavy head down on the rocks in the riverbed and walked away from you. For good this time. Forever. If you wander from the river and get lost, keep moving. Keep moving through the heartache, the burn, and the loneliness. Cut a piece of your hair and drop it down. Watch the air sweep it, take it away, farther from this place. It might glow red like the sunset in June. The thought of it almost reminds me of the pool surrounding you on the ground. Almost as if you belonged there. There is some kind of beauty to be found in your death. It’s uniform. If you would have walked along the cliffs you could have seen everything that's ever been. If you fell in you would have saw everything that ever will be. You turned your back on it to see everything that is, and then you refused to accept. Let it be. You won’t find the answers here or really anywhere near here. Maybe you’ll find it someday when you’re standing in a green field; maybe someday when the blood stains wash away. The smell of ammonia takes you farther from here. You build your walls up high. You think you’re fucking untouchable now. Concrete just seals your fate not your escape. It’s not enough Really. It will never be enough. I still miss you. (-m) 2 comments|post comment

like most of the population, I loved The Dark Knight. [21 Jul 2008|09:40pm] spaced_oddity [ mood | calm ] My weekend was a busy one and involved a visit to Port Dover, as well as seeing The Dark Knight with friends that I have not seen for weeks. I am of the opinion that The Dark Knight is AWESOME, so my opinion isn't too unique. However, I need to see it again because the last half hour was ruined by the fact that I had to pee really badly. This just gives me an excuse to see it again. ( The Dark Knight: Not really spoilers, but LJ-cutting still ) And here's a meme, as I was tagged by unicornhime: A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people. ( I changed two questions. Try to guess which ones. ) I tag captain__hook, opiumgaze, elecktrik, rebel_waltz, boxseat, miss_jaffacake, bri_cheese, and irisamelia. I'm giving Psych a try, and so far I like it because it involves mysteries and a super-observant detective with a delightful sense of humour, along with his reluctant-but-adorable partner. 10 comments|post comment

[21 Jul 2008|06:21pm] uncut_diamond ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 5 comments|post comment

[21 Jul 2008|03:20am] barlights The nights watching you write for the practice of writing are the slow ones. Smoking all the while. You don't know I'm watching, there's no way you would know. Your room is a cloud of haze, sheltering your motives and dialogue, permeating everything with the unshakable scent of you, it never leaves. Take one out. Light. Inhale and roll your shoulders. Writing in-between the margins; where you do your best, your plot development, your commentary on what we used to be. You can write for hours without breaking pace. That includes stopping to soften the blows. Erasing the substance; you mumble there's no point to the everyday, then you'll stumble next to the sink, glancing at the build up of dirt and extra soap and feeling the cool tile floor. Stay ahwile and avoid your own gaze, it'll only cause you uneasiness. When you catch your eyes, you're visibly shaken. Keep moving through the motions, the fear and exhaustion. Cut yourself on what you were writing and swear softly. Look around and clear your paper. Ignore the drops of blood that you know I'll appreciate. Relocate to the bathroom, sitting in the tub. I don't deserve to see this. There is some kind of lesson to be found in this exercise. In your destruction of what you created. When you turn on the shower, you erase everything that's ever been. You keep writing and erase everything else that will ever be. Lean over your typewriter on it's tiny table on porcelain, lean back in your waterlogged wooden chair and being again. Light another. You don't need to read what you've written to keep track of the story. Write with ink running down your hands and ashes everywhere. Bent cigarette hanging out of your mouth. Ashtray on the ledge of the tub. Blood speckling the fixtures. Words washing down the drain past your untied shoes, you turn off the shower. Open the curtain. Step out with water on the tips of your hair, your head bowed. You need it. Again. You need it. (-h) 2 comments|post comment

[21 Jul 2008|03:00am] barlights The days when I imagine whats going to happen when I sneak off are the entertaining ones. Sneaking off is the phrase. I don't make big bangs and in a place like this, there's nothing to bang on. This is the land of the great, expansive nothingness and it is everything to leave. When I leave. Slump. Chase myself into the Elysian Fields. Turn up in the in-between place; the no worry place, the no sadness place, the no fear place. You can walk for days without meeting anyone you know. That includes any deities you may or may not have recognized before you got here. If you recognized someone before you got here, then you'll probably stumble into the sweet grass, smelling the lemon tinge of it and feeling the peace of the idyllic scenery. Stay awhile friend and forget the desire to move, it'll only cause you discomfort. If you wander and a stranger you meet, keep moving. Keep moving through the weeds, the thorns and bramble. Cut a branch from the lopsided tree and make a staff. Sweep it in front of you to clear the brush. Ignore the pricks of blood that look like chicken pox around your ankles. Plant yourself in the uneven ground. You belong here. There is some kind of beauty to be found in either choice. Measure the ugliness. If you walk along the cliffs you can see everything that's ever been. If you fall in you'll see everything that ever will be. Turn your back on it and see everything that is, and then runaway. Let it be. You don't need to eat from the tree of sadness to escape the things that scare you. Eat from the tree of forgetting and be happy instead. Walk out of the fields and blot the blood. Wash the smell of lemon from your fingers and then build a fence. A tall one. Make a gate and put a lock on it. Throw the key into the other side. You don't need it. Seriously. You don't need it. (-k) post comment

Another quick update [20 Jul 2008|05:31pm] harmonybear [ mood | hungry ] [ music | TV ] Let it be known I am obsessed with Mamma Mia and really not going to fight it. I LOVE the movie! Mix ABBA with a ton of celebrities I like? Win and double win. Predisposition to musicals is not helping :-P I saw it with Mum on Wednesday while I was visiting - then I saw it with Maz and Glen again yesterday - and there are already plans to see it again with Maz and a fourth time with Nicole. Is there anyone else that wants to go? I'm more than happy to come keep you company for it! I've been checking out clips and have found a couple downloads for it but I haven't decided yet if I'll grab it or not -- part of me wants to wait for this on DVD but the other part is screaming MORE NOW! Yesterday was great even if rushed and strange with Connex (then again, it's Connex) feel bad not going to Kristy's drinks thing but in the end it would have knocked me right out, and as my stomach had issues with lunch (nothing to do with the food, all to do with my stomach) was probably for the best anyhow. Today has been very quiet - I had planned to go to the store for a few things but realized that I CAN'T make some of what I want until I buy a pot first. So I decided I'd just make up pasta sauce tonight - will make up a batch of mashed potato possibly tomorrow, and will be making soup as soon as I have everything I need. What have I done other than sat around online so far? Cleaned the girls cage and vacuumed the house, unpacked, and did the laundry. Going to cook very shortly. Oh and here's a bad way to wake up - Cocoa woke me when he decided to wander and sit next to my TV/dvd in my room - so mostly asleep I scooped him up to get him off there and back into bed... only to catch his claw in my mouth - I now have a 1" or longer scratch straight across my top lip. It's making it quite hard to eat and it keeps tingling :-P might drop by the drug store tomorrow and see if they can recommend something - can't exactly put antiseptic cream on it given it's just about in my mouth. Right I really do need to cook before I start snacking and forgo dinner entirely. 1 comment|post comment

[19 Jul 2008|12:58am] barlights Everyday I wonder what life is going to be like when I'm gone. Gone in the literal sense of me taking off -- leaving this place which is both H-E-Double Hockey Sticks and Eden's Lovechild at the same time neither one of them -- not the spiritual sense. When I leave. Bugger-off. Cash out. Move to that great place in my head with no guilt, no worry, no sadness, and no fear. Where the Boss is nothing but an afterthought and his son a cosmic joke. Don't even get me started on that other guy. As a side note, I can't help but think of Heaven as a dive bar (last call at 2am). Full of animals too stupid to do anything meaningful, mould that only knows how to grow bigger and meaner, and a handful of people dishing out drinks to keep everyone oblivious and pacified. Hell is a greasy spoon. People eat fast, people smoke fast. People leave fast all the time. It's the only way to live, and yet, it's a death sentence. You pump your veins full of cheap food just to stay up, but then it turns out you're destroying your only ride out of here and what the fuck do you do. Over with pie a la mode. Blink and you'll miss it, but you'll never miss it. It isn't memorable. There's no meaning. I sure as fuck don't want either option. The only thing worth doing is breaking out, getting on the road and running away. Seeing everything you can and then the rest, doing everything you want and then some. Fuck death. Death is a white picket fence with no gate. Death is a guy in a sharp suit and a comfortable pair of shoes convincing you what you're doing is wrong. Death wants to nail you with 309 monthly payments of the things that actually matter. Fuck that guy. Seriously. FUCK him. (-h) 2 comments|post comment

making me feel foolish for being my own awesome self is not good customer service :( [18 Jul 2008|08:18pm] spaced_oddity [ mood | bored ] [ music | "I Cannot Believe My Eyes" - Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog ] Two incidents in which cashiers made me feel like an ass this week: 1) In the LCBO on Monday, my music taste was unintentionally ridiculed by two strangers. I was humming along to "Something Stupid" (the Nicole Kidman and Robbie Williams version) while standing in line, and the guy in front of me went to pay for his stuff. He shook his head at the cashier and said, "God, this music. Awful." I mean, way to shoot down my cheerful humming, dude. The cashier laughed and said, "I know, right? This whole mix CD is crappy. They put a James Bond theme on here. Who puts a James Bond theme on a mix CD?" I sadly looked at the floor and shuffled my feet awkwardly as I went to pay, for I'd just burned a CD earlier that day that had "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbage on it. SHUT UP CASHIER, IT'S A GREAT SONG. 2) The cashier at the Second Cup pretended to reject my coupon today and I fell for it. :( Then he laughed at me. A conversation ensued. Somehow, I ended up mentioning Sherlock Holmes and he exclaimed how utterly boring he found the one story he'd listened to in an audio book. I felt awkward - it's always uncomfortable when someone says how much they dislike something you've just said you like - and said, "Oh I guess I just like Victorian gay things." And then the cashier realized I felt embarrassed and added, "But I like House." That does not heal my wounded pride, cashier. At least you tried, though. Last.fm now has a big ugly face that is as dumb as a butt. If you recognize that quote, high five, I like using it whenever I can. Seriously, though. Last.fm is just UGLY now. Dr. Horrible has encouraged me to pull out my HIMYM DVDs and watch various Barney-filled episodes again. This song is my favourite, btw. yay harmonies ♥ AAAAAAAA;LSKFJSHD;F DARK KNIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 comment|post comment

Quickie [19 Jul 2008|12:02am] harmonybear [ mood | tired ] [ music | The People's Court ] Caused a car crash tonight on my way to meet Maz - if the guy had not stopped to let me cross (I had the lights, he was turning) he would not have been run into. No one hurt but definitely damage to the cars - can't believe people are in so much of a rush to get home they don't stop to think. Dinner and Jimeoin was great. Tomorrow is lunch and a movie with Maz and Glen - still not sure how this got arranged lmao and I'm beyond dead right now I need sleep. Am thinking of a pizza night next weekend - $5 for pizza and $5 for Guide Dogs - and hopefully a Misty's lunch with a group the weekend after that - anyone interested in either? post comment

[18 Jul 2008|09:40pm] barlights Sometimes I wonder what life would be like after I'm gone. Not gone in the literal sense of me taking off, leaving this place which is both H-E-Double Hockey Sticks and Eden's Lovechild and at the same time neither of them, but in the spiritual sense. When I expire. Kick-off. Sell up. Move to that great place in the country with no rent, no food, no water and no worries. Where the Boss moves in strange ways and his son does nothing but hang around, and who knows what that other fuck is doing or even who he is. Not to get sidetracked, but I can't help but think of Heaven (12 miles, Enjoy Your Stay) as a farm. Full of animals too stupid to do anything meaningful, crops which only know how to grow older and then die, and a handful of people running the show that haven't got a fucking clue. Hell is the city. People live fast, people die fast. People go fast all the time. Its the only way to survive, and yet its a death sentence. You pump your veins full of jet fuel just to keep up, but then it turns out you're setting the pace and what the fuck do you do. Over in a heartbeat. Blink and you'll miss it, but you'll never miss it. It wasn't memorable. No meaning. I sure as fuck don't want either option. The only thing worth doing is kicking back, getting on the road and staying there. Seeing everything you can and then the rest, doing everything you want and then some. Fuck death. Death is a car showroom with a wide range of tractors and minivans and fuck all else. Death is a guy with a greasy comb-over and a fake smile wondering how much he can cheat you out of today. Death wants to sell you all the options but leave you stranded without warranty. Fuck that guy. Seriously. FUCK him. (-v) post comment

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