had enough yet amanda?

Glitter Graphics

My Birthday, same shit different year...i'm wishing wit all my ser that toni goes to work tomorrow, i dont think i can deal with another day of this. I can't even convince myself to be in a good mood... i just get depressed when i'm faced frente a frente with what my life is at 23 living day to day with a man quien de seguro prefiriria estar con su x vieja que conmigo.. que hasta en mi cara la ldefiende y habla de lo tanto q la aprecia.  no se si es que no ve lo que yo pienso q eh hecho por el simplemente porque estamos juntos o porque deverdad no me quiere a mi mas o igual q a ella.  Me arde el corazon con pensar q el todavia pueda quererla y q talvez piensa en esos tiempos q tuvieron. Aunque se q lo hace con solo pensar en cosas pequenas q talvez ni se de cuenta el q lo veo y siento.. como cuando toca la cancion 'stand by me' o se pone una rola de los acosta... es cuando noto la diferencia por mas pequena q sea.

11.26.. ya llevo tres y sepa cuantas mas faltan...porfin siento q estoy disfrutando mi cumpleanos aunque sea a media noche. No se pa q tomo el dia libre este hombre si nomas se la paso durmiendo y cuando porfin desperto fue solamente para ver una pelicula cachondona y pa estar fisgando a las viejas.. y lo q mas molesta es lo descarado q es.. sin disimulo bien q casi se la jala cuando salen las viejas encueradas.. no puedo sacarme de la mente la envidia el coraje q siento con solo pensar q de q sirve los siete anos q eh pasado con el si todavia esta enamorado con esa tipa..voluntary.heartbreak es lo q es porque mas culpa tengo yo por estar aqui de pendeja.

ahora q hago...es la pregunta, como puedo amar a alguen q ni siquiera ha olvidado con la q estuvo y si no hubiera tenido esos problemas con la policia en los q tuvo q hirce pa mexico..todavia estuviera con ella?? no se si yo mismo aguantaria la verdad de esa respuesta. es una verdad q no puedo enfrentar. una verdad q yo misma me puedo contestar pero q yo misma niego por el miedo q tengo de admitirlo. que no es feliz conmigo...que ni yo misma soy feliz conmigo..que soy gorda y fea q que si no stuviera yo con yazmin aqui seguramente ya hubiera buscadola y regresado a la relacion. bien q dijo q la vio en savalot un dia creo ya estaba embarazada y por eso no simplemente fue a reunirse. lo que con tanto engano yo perdi me tienes que de nuevo a amar y aperdonar.....porq sera q aunque llevemos una decada juntos todavia siento como si nunca lo conquistare.

hasta con la vieja mas barata q me encontrado..la cucaracha..bien q le traia o trae ganas.. bien q me lo dijo bien q si lo hubiera pelado o alamejor si lo hizo y hasta estuvieron juntos..no me extranaria de niguno de los dos ..son un par de bellacos descarados...me siento asquerosa no se asco por ellos o asco conmigo misma por dejarme volverma a mi madre. igual de gorda, selfish, and fea..

ahora lo unico q queda es aceptar mi verdad y decidir cambiar porque si me quedo esperando a q el se de cuenta de como es y lo que perderia ya no tiene razon.. si me toca ser madre soltera y responder por mi hija yo sola es lo q debo hacer pero tampoco debo ponerla en la situacion de crecer en un hogar donde sus padres nunca se sienten a gusto y el carino es falso q asi se siente falso y q el amor no esta..mejor estar solas y valientes y valerse uno mismo sola...

ahora  aver si tengo el valor.. bueno a dejar de teclar q ya son mas de las doce y el cumpleanos ya se acabo.. bendito sea dios

OH MY GOD! I spent all day staring at a screen, to come home and stare at a screen to make voice overs, how does that work out? Anyway . . .my eyes need a rest!

Ah, this morning's breakfast was like none I've had before...not because of the food but because of the view.

My favorite toilet bitch is one I met only 3 weeks ago, and have seen him 3 times since.  He is an attractive boy but utterly filthy and I only make him filthier!

Today, as I ate the breakfast he bought Me, I had him serve as a foot slave as I ate.  That isn't so unusual for even the most inexperienced Mistress, so this was not to a seasoned pro such as Myself either.  There most definitely was a catch... isn't there always?

You see, I am not known for wearing shoes most of the time and that leads to the most blackened soles you have seen,  I'm surprised I never did this before with the result I had this morning.    The filth must have been worse than ever!

I had the slave do a very good job cleaning the blech black from my soles by the use of just his teeth.  It is most pleasurable, not only as a sorce of sadistic entertainment, but as a sensation...prrrr.

He worked so diligently as he was in near tears from the filth, taste, humiliation and degradation that I soon started to notice hi mouth and chin were covered in saliva that resembled Tammy Fay Baker's mascara stained streaks.  His tongue had turned black like a child who has been sucking a jawbreaker.

This ended as I came to the close of the meal, but the session continued well beyond.  The following play was not for the weak of stomach, nor faint of heart, and is most disgusting as he is a toilet.  Even this half of the session was the same old act but taken to a whole new level today.

We must have been unusually extra synced to each other today.  By the end of the scene he and I were so into our respective headspaces that he was crying while shouting out something in Korean and I swear to god I understood it.

After we stopped and before he hit the shower I asked i\im if I was mistaken or did I accurately understand what he was saying despite our language barrier.  I asked him, "Were you just praying for forgiveness for being so fithy in Korean.".   I was right; he was.

Unfortunately, I had an appointment for an interview for a documentary at noon, and he had arrived late so we didn't have time for as much of a cool down/after care as usual.  I had to rush him out after our most hardcore of 3 very intense sessions together.

Wow!  What a way to start the day.

Have you ever gone so deep in play, so hardcore, that you not only have tears but there is no need to speak the same languages?  You have come to a point so connected that you could probably speak in tongues and still communicate clearly with each other.

Damn you energy fairy and your serious lack of presence. I would totally lose faith in you if you hadn't shown me a glimmer of hope on Tuesday.

yup its true.

i dont know if he likes me tho. i fear i'm not intelligent enough for him, and he doesnt talk much

Found 8/17 in Avondale Estates. She was shot in the back, side and leg and most likely thrown in the ravine to die. Gracie's story is here:
http://www.animalactionrescue.org/avoiceforgracie.htm

Please if you recognize her or know who might have done this to her, please contact the website so they can catch the bastards who killed her.

Welcome to the world, Evan Cole!

Congrats to Oz & Shannon!

--J

A showing of erotic imagery, including fotos by Yours Truly (I'll be in some really good company):



This is the first of five stops this exhibition will be making-- next stop: 12 Septembre at The Mark!

Come see!

--J

--J

 My cat!

You freakish perverts.

Anyway, since we got the Mainecoone we dubbed Fizzgig I have had the distinct impression that he is a reincarnated pervert with kink tendencies.
Not that I am a huge proponent of the whole belief that if you screw up in life you come back as a lesser being and work your way up the animal chain again, but seriously, I think he is.

First off, he hovers in front of my bedroom and bathroom, stealing every chance to sneak in and watch me when he can. And I mean sit there and stare, especially at my boobs. It was so disconcerning for me at one point that I won't let him in the bedroom anymore. Now he waits til I sit on the toilet to rub all over me, talk to me, etc. He also likes to watch me get out of the shower and dry off. The guys in the house think it's fun to let him in when I shut the door.

When I am fully clothed, he is not nearly so affectionate.

Next would be the Sado-Masochistic portion. You can see that he likes when he's inflicting pain. He loves to be aggressive and doesn't back down..our little napoleon. Oddly, he doesn't like when people are loud. In fact, if we fight around here, he's in the middle pretty much yelling his opinion for us all to shut up. As soon as the fight is over, he's fine.
He also loves receiving it rough. A nice petting, a simple scratch is never enough. He doesn't like the rubber cat hair brush. He likes the spikey metal brush. He likes to have his ears pulled on, his fur yanked on, his cheeks dug not just scratched. If you don't, he yells at you or looks at you like you are an idiot.  The harder you go the louder he purrs. 

*edit* And this morning I noticed while in the bathroom that he was fixated on wrestling something on the floor. That something was my discarded bra. He was biting and attacking the straps and flipping it around and going bonkers over it. I took my shower, climbed out and he was *still* attacking my bra. Perhaps he was a cross dresser, or really hated taking them off a woman (as most men I know hate wrestling with them)? 

In our other cat you can look at him and know he's a cat, through and through.
Fizzie is just sometimes creepy, in a very amusing way.

I have a henna party that I am artisting at.
I am excited, let me tell you.
Why, you may ask?

Because I am doing a mommy-to-be's belly. An 8 1/2 months along belly.
*squee*
And her hands.
And her friends hands.

I created what I (in a biased fashion) believe to be a beautiful stork-red raspberry leaf-lotus motif for her to have swift, easy and healthy delivery and recovery.

In addition to performing I am henna and painting people this weekend.
I made fresh henna but I hate this crop as it doesn't sift or strain well. I don't know what happened in Yemen in the summer of 2006 but it made some really tough shit come out of the ground.

But it stains well.
So well in fact that my palms are the color of Bart Simpson from trying to strain it. lol
There isn't even a way I can work it into a design.
It's just....

...funny.

Big City Burlesque Dragon*Con Cabaret
A 2.5 hour show Saturday at midnight at Hyatt International Ballroom
Big City Burlesque hosts panels for the Costuming Track at Dragon*Con
When Burlesque was King – 2:30–3:30 pm, Friday
Learn the basics of burlesque in this 101 class.
Mariott Room M103–M105

It's Burlesque, Not Drag – 5:30–6:30 pm, Saturday
A more in depth look at burlesque – the costumes, hair and makeup. Demonstrations will include a glove peel, plus makeup and hair magic by King Rouge.
Mariott Room M103–M105

You can also catch our Merch table in the band/performers area if you want to get signed photographs of the BCBV ladies as well as our guests:

Ruby Rocket
Indra
Tonyette

So I'm finally catching some Fringe shows since I was a little too busy last week.

On Monday I was @lice in www.onderland. It's a dance and mixed media adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. I rather enjoyed it, some very good dance. I particularly liked the languorous, and sensual dance they did to represent the caterpillar, it was two girls tied together with a cloth and they tended to roll and move across the floor. They provided blinkie mouth pieces for the audience to throw into their mouths on the appearance of the Cheshire cat. It was pretty cool to look back at the audience in dark with blinking smiles. They couldn't hardly have found more attractive Alice, shapely and rather buxom, easy on the eyes, as they say. ;)

Last night I caught Thoroughly Stupid Things (or the Continuous Importance of Being Earnest). This is like a little English comedy, of sorts. But it has drag queens and kings and a bunch of confused sexuality and resulting frustration. It's one of the funniest things I've seen in quite some time. The text it witty and quick.

Once I have a chance to go through the galleries, I will have some more detailed images of the Treasures Of The Sea ensembles from the C14 fashion show. In the meantime, Joe Traina has posted a few of his favorites to his Model Mayhem portfolio:

WARNING-PASTIES

Shell, Pearl and Coral (post-striptease), modeled by Johnny Munster, Josie Nutter, and Aurora Natrix

Pearl (post-striptease) and Seafoam (pre-striptease), modeled by Josie Nutter and Bellum Vitae

Coral, Seahorse, Shell and Ocean, modeled by Aurora Natrix, Acid Poptart, Johnny Munster and Twigglet

(Makeup for all photos was designed by Nautika.)

I also posted the video of our portion of the fashion show on YouTube. Go here to see the Treasures Of The Sea Ensembles in action. I apologize in advance for the poor quality of the YouTube transmission; the actual video looks so much better.

(Music for our segment was produced by DJ Hardware.)

For those who are interested, I also posted the Ragdoll and Kambriel portions of the fashion show on YouTube.