buddhists: My First Offering

aurorawyndancer (

aurorawyndancer) wrote in

buddhists,
@ 2006-08-07 10:32:00

Current mood:

cheerful

My First Offering
Clarity

Random thoughts, inspirations, and deep moments of understanding, like staring at a lake for hours intently trying to see through to the bottom, and for brief moments, the ripples, and the sunlight, and the focus of eyes work together and for just one instant the bottom is glimpsed through clear shining waters... and then before the vision is completely memorized or understood... it is gone... and then waiting again for the next moment, to see more. This is the results of 3 days of intentional fasting, and 2 days of unintentional fasting thanks to the Mother of all Stomach viruses, but an intentional choice to make the most of it, and continue meditating. Things that have played like snippets of poetry inside me ~~

If I allow myself to become upset, hurt, angry, bitter, pissed off, over the actions, choices, decisions, words, directions of others... then I am truly giving up control over the one and only thing I have ever truly had control - myself.

Why do I hold on to my attachments? Allowing the absurdities, details and dramas of daily life to disturb my inner peace and tranquility... when none of those things really matter at all. In the grand scheme of things - is it really worth losing my centered mind, and the tranquility of my soul over trivialities that no one will remember when I am gone... and I will scarcely remember next month?

Everything is choice. Attitude, emotions, thoughts, attachments, Love, pain, anger, fear, frustration, tranquility, peace, centeredness, compassion, actions, reactions, words, principles, habits, behaviors... EVERYTHING is choice.

I have chosen to be in denial about this for too long, and chosen to not take responsiblities for all my choices - seeing life as though the world has made my choices for me, or I have had no choices.

Nine Why's ~
Why do I Love the way that I Love?
Why do I choose to feel guilt?
Why do I lose centeredness and faith in the face of challenges?
Why do I come back to centeredness and faith intentionally in facing challenges?
Why do I choose to have faith?
Why are people drawn to me?
Why do people fall in love with me and so quickly want to be "With" me?
Why do I allow myself to make unwise choices in haste?
Why do I not live what I believe with the dedication I should?

We believe we walk our chosen paths, but in truth, we rarely walk at all. Rather we daily stand in a new crossroads, looking down as far as we can see in each direction, wondering which way to turn, choosing, taking a few steps, only to face a new dawn and a new crossroads in the morning.

To Love with all that we are is a truly great human adventure. To Love without attachment or expectations for Self - is Divine. To learn to Love in both ways at once is Enlightenment.

Be not of the Earth and body solely. Be not of the Heavens and Spirit alone. Embrace both at once, and Know Your Sacredness in All Ways.

The ultimate outcome of any given choice is not within my hands to control. My hands only hold the choice to use all the wisdom, compassion, and Love I possess when making any given choice. My heart holds the Faith that my hands can then let go.

Beauty is in all things, even in the darkest times. Even when we cannot see it, it is there, we need only look within and remember.

Beyond this world, there is another, and beyond that, another, and another, and another. Beyond this life, there is another, and beyond that another, and another, and another. Know that, but BE in this World now, and in BE in this Life now. The others do not matter now.

I have lived a life of cycles believing Happiness came from outside myself - searching always for that perfect Love, that ultimate Joy in other people, in circumstances, in environments.   A new situation (person, relationship, job, house, place, thing), would come into my life, and I would be ecstatically happy for a while. Then Change would happen - Change to the situation - or Change to my perceptions of the situation - and happiness would begin to fade, erode - to be replaced by disappointment, confusion, fear, anger - denial - a need to fight to hold onto it, a need to deny the Change was happening. Until finally the situation would be full of only negativity, no longer a source of Happiness at all. And rather than understand anything, I would bail. Run from it, get out of or away from the situation. Spend a period of time bemoaning my "fate", not understanding why I could never find real Happiness, or Love. Thinking the universe had it in for me, or I just didn't deserve to be Happy or Loved. I would never learn from the cycles.

Enduring Happiness and Love will never come from any situation outside of myself. I do not need these cycles anymore.   Love and Joy come first and foremost from within, from knowing Who I am and What I am. Love and Happiness dwell within me, and I can choose to experience them, support and encourage them, and embrace them. Then I can choose to be Open and let Love and Joy pour out of me like a great Light to the world around me, to the lives of people I interact with, to the stranger I pass in the store, to the clerk at gas station, to my co-worker who has lost his mother to cancer, to my children, to my friends and lovers. When I let that Love and Joy pour out of me from within, flowing freely from a source so powerful it cannot be used up, that source is Awareness of the flame of Love that is what I am lifetime through lifetime, each time only learning how to Be that flame more completely, and how to share that Flame more unconditionally.

I do not need to search for Happiness or Love, I do not need other situations to bring Happiness or Love to me. I can choose to embrace and free the Flame within me, and let it pour out into the world. The more the Joy and Love within me pours out, the more I have to give, and the more returns back with interest. But the return is not necessary, it's just a nice bonus.   It is like a flow of Chi through me, from a connection to what is truly so much greater than myself. I am not the Source, but the Source is within me. I am not the Chi, the Love, the Joy, but the Chi, Love & Joy flow through me - illuminating from within - radiating out - offering that Chi, that Love, and that Joy to all, not from me, but through me. I am only an instrument.

I chose to be the instrument.   I chose to find my Joy and Love within. I chose to be Aware of the Source. I chose to be Open and allow the Source to pour through me, without conditions.

I chose to acknowledge my cycles and patterns and lessons. I chose to release them, I no longer need them.
I chose to remain firmly seated within a calm, centered, and tranquil mind - no matter the circumstances around me.
I chose to not allow my tranquility to be affected by situations.
I chose to let go of attachments.
I chose to let go of guilt.
I chose to recognize that EVERYTHING is choice, and I chose to take responsibility for ALL my choices.
I chose to embrace Faith.
I chose to be perfectly fulfilled within the consciousness of my own divine Flame.
I chose to be Happy, Aware of Beauty, and to BE Love.
I chose to keep a childlike innocence and sense of Wonder.
I chose to be the instrument.

Our eyes are never so open, as the moment we look within. Our sight is never so clear, as the moment we allow ourselves to see what is there. Clarity.

**Somewhat new to this community - this is my first posting. Fairly new to Buddism (at least in this incarnation). My spirituality to date has been a combination of WitchCraft, NeoPaganism, and Taoism, and specifically Celtic in my early years, and now a devotee of Isis.

Recently have felt a drawing to Buddism, a calling within of sorts. And not so random leadings toward it. Some friends after a long night of discussions on spirituality, commented that I should take a rather long test on spiritual beliefs that is supposed to tell you what your personal beliefs most accurately line up with, as far as religions. Neo-Paganism, Taoism, and Unitarian Universalist were #2, 3, and 4 respectively. But #1, surprisingly was something I had never heard of - Mahayana Buddism. I found it intriguing that what I considered to be my own personal beliefs developed from my own meditations and experiences over time, would align with a path I had no exposure to. And so a new journey begins, and I came across this Community and have been fascinated by the variety of thoughts.**

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	*laughing at self* aurorawyndancer 2006-08-07 05:40 pm UTC (link)
	for any who noticed, I somehow posted this twice for a bit, but I think I have managed to finally delete the duplicate. Also, I had to laugh when I saw that I have managed to misspell Buddhism through my first entry. Ah to be imperfect is a blessing to humor. (Reply to this)

porksound
2006-08-07 05:57 pm UTC (link)

"and then waiting again for the next moment, to see more."

we learn through dharma practice that though these moments are worthwhile for wisdom they are no more preferable than the moments spent looking through the murky waters. It is the sitting and the looking that's worthwhile, if that's what you're doing... if you go off and have a sandwich, that then would be as profound or inspiring as the clarity of your water.

cheers.

p

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	aurorawyndancer 2006-08-07 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	smiles well said! It just happened that what I was doing was looking through, waiting for clear waters, searching for wisdom. And now, I'm at work, taking a break, reading about meditation, and happy. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	gr8snood 2006-08-07 06:30 pm UTC (link)
	Welcome! :) Being able to laugh at oneself is a wonderful gift...I know it's helped me get over my ego many times. (Reply to this)

	lcsdove 2006-08-07 06:48 pm UTC (link)
	I too am new to the Buddhist way. I have been interested for many years as I have studied various paths and ways. I claim the label of Eclectic Pagan because I practice a little of this and a little of that. My life has been a little hectic and Buddha reached to me. I experienced my first Tibetan Buddhist meditation Saturday and can not put into words my experience. (Reply to this)

gillan
2006-08-07 08:27 pm UTC (link)

Be careful. A lot of people come to Buddhism seeking happiness and light and joy, but there's darkness there too. Life is suffering, that's the First Noble Truth. We can strive to eliminate the bad habits and attachments that lead to us creating unnecessary suffering for ourselves, but even that aside there's still pain.

Love isn't just Joy. It's also Sadness and Loneliness and Frustration and Anger and all the things that make us human - the things we feel that everyone around the world feels too. And truly experiencing life as it is doesn't mean turning away from the pain towards the pleasure, but accepting the pain for what it is and acknowledging it.

Not everything is a choice. The things we experience now and the circumstances that arise based on past causes are not things we can choose. Nor are our emotional reactions or thoughts in response to those circumstances things we can control (though what arises in the face of circumstances changes as we train). But are we aware of those thoughts and emotions? How do we respond to them? These we can control, and we learn to be aware and make the right choice through following the Eightfold Path. We don't choose our karma, but we can choose not to be a slave to it.

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	bhavanibbana 2006-08-07 09:27 pm UTC (link)
	Always pissing on parades... Tsk, tsk. (Reply to this)(Parent)

aurorawyndancer
2006-08-07 09:50 pm UTC (link)

With respect and compassion -- Thank you for your words of caution.

However, I do not agree with you.

I do not come to Buddhism seeking happiness or light or joy - Because I already have those things in abundance. I come to learn and study the wisdom of another path, for what I can learn from it. If I come across things within it that help me grow wonderful. If I come across things within it that I have already grown beyond, there is no loss in that time, I have still learned something.

Life is Not Suffering - though I once thought it was. I once thought I suffered greatly. Now I do not. Each experience is another opportunity to experience. The physical sensation of pain in the nerve-ending is a response of the physical body. It does not cause me suffering, it is just communicating that some part of my body may need attention. The emotional sensations of anger, pain, hurt, frustration, loneliness, sadness - those are not any part of Love. Love knows no pain, anger, hurt, etc. Love is Joy. What creates those other emotional responses that make us all human is attachments and expectations. When we let go of our attachments and expectations of our human conception of what Love is, there is no suffering where Love is concerned. Those emotional sensations do not cause me suffering, they are just a communication that some part of my spirit may need attention.

I do not seek to follow the Eightfold Path, only to learn about it. I follow my own Path. Everything for me is choice. I chose to be born into this life, to learn the lessons I am here to learn, to share these experiences with others, to grow, to Love, to become closer to the Source, to be an instrument. I choose every moment of everyday, every thought, every awareness or lack of awareness, every emotion, every action.

I may not choose to pull out into an intersection and be hit by a truck, but that may still happen, because Life just happens, and it is out of my control. I choose to be ok with that, I choose to not suffer, I choose to simply Be.

I am not concerned with Karma. What is done, is done - it is beyond my control, but at some point I chose it, and so I accept it. I let go of the Past.

"The ultimate outcome of any given choice is not within my hands to control. My hands only hold the choice to use all the wisdom, compassion, and Love I possess when making any given choice. My heart holds the Faith that my hands can then let go." I let go of the Future.

Do I understand and accept that there is darkness there too? Of course there is darkness - Darkness & Light complement each other and together create the Whole that is the Source. I simply chose to acknowledge and respect it as a part of that Whole. Do I run away from pain to only seek pleasure? No, for pain and pleasure are all in our perceptions, wrapped up in our physical selves. Sometimes we experience pain or pleasure, and the experience of those things in the moment does not cause suffering. It is the choice of holding onto them that causes our discomfort. I can experience either or neither or both, but only by my choosing do I suffer.

*grins* no one can "piss on my parade" without my permission. My Happiness within is no less now than it was before. And I'm glad for the comment, I learned from it.

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	bhavanibbana 2006-08-07 10:14 pm UTC (link)
	I come to learn and study the wisdom of another path, for what I can learn from it. If I come across things within it that help me grow wonderful. If I come across things within it that I have already grown beyond, there is no loss in that time, I have still learned something. Mmm, cherry-picking, eh? Good luck with that. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

aurorawyndancer
2006-08-07 10:54 pm UTC (link)

Thank you :). So far it has served me well. Though I do not see it in the negative connotation that the phrase "cherry-picking" carries. To quote three wise people I have enjoyed learning from -

Osho ~ Buddism, Christianity, Islam - These are the three "super-highways" of spirituality. Simply come onto the Path and follow along with the millions of others also following. The road is laid out for you, the doctrines and dogmas are in place. You learn and follow. They are blessed and good paths these super highways, and there is much to learn from each. But to follow the Tao - is to not follow at all. One must not be afraid to venture off the highway, out into the wilderness, and forge one's own Path. The Tao is not a super highway. It is a deer trail in the woods, it is the path left by the bird in flight.

Nathan (one of my sweethearts) ~ I follow a Use-It or Lose-It spirituality. If it is useful - I use it. If not - I lose it.

The best fruit salads have a little of everything in them. The greatest wisdom is being open to ALL possible wisdom, and then deciding for yourself.

Blessings to you,
Aurora

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	bhavanibbana 2006-08-07 11:09 pm UTC (link)
	Just remember, there is more to a cherry tree than just cherries. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

aurorawyndancer
2006-08-07 11:17 pm UTC (link)

*nods*... but of course :). A lifetime spent searching for the perfect cherry blossom would not be wasted.

Thank you for reminding me. The tree itself is more than the sum of it's fruits. The tree is strong and beautiful, full of life and vitality, giving shade and is well worthy of its life, even if it never bore a single cherry. I will remember to honor the tree. I just prefer to spend my days among many trees.

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porksound
2006-08-07 10:50 pm UTC (link)

in the interest of learning, an not to be confrontational, I offer the following:

You say you are seeking to learn about this other path... but that you are not here to learn about Karma or the eiht fold path... with much repsect i offer that it follows from your words that you are not at all interested in the dharma then... again not being difficult or disrespectful, and you say you are looking to buddhism to learn, so... I thought I'd mention, Buddhism is ALL ABOUT karma (as it needs to be properly understood) and the eight fold path...

and, again, just for educational purposes, Karma is not realy just about the past... if it were it would be steeped in regret (which it isn't... at least not buddhist karma) but it is about understanding how the display of experience is filtered by ego and understanding how to be sure one chooses skillful actions to result in less and less of it...

I want to honestly you are welcome, etc. I am not raising these comments in order to be dismissive or condescending...

May you find peace and the causes for peace

p

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aurorawyndancer
2006-08-07 11:12 pm UTC (link)

Thank you Porksound :) I do not take this confrontationally at all, but welcome your wisdom and experience. I appreciate your thoughtfullness in helping me learn.

Perhaps I am not clearly communicating what I mean. I am seeking to learn about this other path, I AM seeking to learn ABOUT Karma, and Dharma, and the Eightfold path. But I am not necessarily seeking to follow them as my own Path. I am not concerned about Karma, meaning - I do not worry or fret about Karma ~ I simply accept it for what it is - but I DO want to learn more about it, and what different great spirits have thought about it. I suppose to it would be more clear to say I want to learn more about the teachings of Buddhism, the Beauty and Art of it, to learn what it has to teach me about spirit, and then incorporate the things I learn that resonate within me as Truth into what I already understand of Truth, as I walk my own path.

The Eightfold Path is beautiful, but I'm already in trouble since I don't agree with the first Noble Truth. *smiles* I suppose you could see it this way - I am in the study not of Buddhism - but of Buddha. Not of Taoism, but of Tao. Not of Christianity, but of Yeshua. Not of Eqypt, but of Isis. Not of the Gnostics, but of Gnosis. Not of the Mystery religions, but of the Mystery! Doctrines, Histories, Dogmas have much to teach us, from all times and places. Many enlightened minds have shared with us pieces of their enlightment. So that someday when we ourselves stumble in our searching upon the Path to enlightenment - we would recognize the terrain. But there are many Paths. I am not looking to adopt or follow one given Path. I am forging my own.

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	porksound 2006-08-07 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	cheers... i personally feel this doesn't work well.. but it's my personal feeling... so it's not so important... hehehe Thanks yyou for taking the time to explain yourself. much love p (Reply to this)(Parent)

	hensen 2006-08-07 10:24 pm UTC (link)
	Welcome. I skipped to the bit you said on love. Heart Warming. Thankyou. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	aurorawyndancer 2006-08-07 10:55 pm UTC (link)
	Glad to have warmed your heart. You are welcome, and thank you :) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	beginnermind 2006-08-07 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	Just watch the ripples never frozen or empty bottomless summer (Reply to this)(Thread)

	aurorawyndancer 2006-08-07 10:55 pm UTC (link)
	That is beautiful, thank you. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	beginnermind 2006-08-07 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	Sorry, that was stupid of me. I should have written: I watch the ripples never frozen or empty bottomless summer That's a MUCH better poem, sharing not preaching. Sorry for my carelessness.:) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	aurorawyndancer 2006-08-07 11:14 pm UTC (link)
	laughs, feeling very merry... It was beautiful either way, both ways. It is your spirit within the poem that you were sharing that was beautiful. The words simply let the spirit be shared. Nothing stupid or careless about it. Thank you for sharing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	beginnermind 2006-08-07 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I'm glad.grin (Reply to this)(Parent)

sima_zhongda
2006-08-08 12:37 am UTC (link)

Nothing wrong with sampling things, is there? I think that to be really complete in one's religion/self/spirituality/what have you, you've got to get a sense for what's out there. Personally, I walk a path between shamanism and Buddhism, with a bit of Kemet thrown in there, myself- which makes me a big poo-poo head to some people. I'm also queer, and that upsets them, too, so let them think what they may. If it causes me trouble or consequences, then it does, and I'll have to work it off, just like I've got to work off being such an asshole.

That life is suffering means to me that bumps in the road will happen; we've got to deal and move on. And, as you know, having a human existence- there are always bumps even if they're not physical pain or a deep, keening emotional anguish.

As for love, love is joy, I suppose, but being human and loving often encompasses some other very human emotions. I truly love my partner but that doesn't mean that I don't get grumbly at him when he forgets to put up the bathmat, or that he doesn't get cold and annoyed in the middle of the night when I've hogged all of the blankets. To me, that's love, that's experiencing it in its entirety, and that's OK.

In any case, we do get some people through here who aren't just browsing, but who actually seek to become Buddhists and then they get upset when we tell them that there's alot more to it than sitting around humming "Om," or that Buddhist tradition doesn't agree with what they find moral. All that aside, welcome to the community~

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