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Entry tags:	super special #5 californian girls

Someone already started snarking this book recently, but I was encouraged to go ahead and post anyway. Since I just finished snarking the book, I figured I'd go ahead and post the first installment of SS#5: California Girls!



California Girls! Here's the cover, courtesy dibbly fresh:




This is, by far, probably my all time favorite Super Special and it is chock full of snark worthy stuff. My book is very loved, as in I must have read this book a good amount of times.

Anyway, the cover…

Mary Anne is sporting her pre “makeover” look and for some reason has pigtails, though they aren’t in braids. She’s sporting her famous caftan, and appears to be applying sunscreen (how fitting!). Dawn and Kristy are playing catch with one of the biggest beach balls I’ve ever seen and Kristy’s got some really hot legs in this pic. Dawn’s hair is STILL not the LONG blond that we’re told it is and apparently borrowed the costume from Blind Melon’s “No Rain” and turned it into a swimsuit. Jessi is actually looking pretty cute, and Mal is actually looking hot in this cover – look at those legs! She looks like she could be almost 6 feet tall! Claud has the classic side ponytail, and Stacey is the only one wearing a bikini, and it’s very skimpy. Stacey looks like she’s at least 16, and almost reminds me of a Wakefield twin here (well, when in Cali…perhaps they made a quick visit to Sweet Valley?)

Prologue: The Jack O’Lottery Jackpot

Dawn greets us with the following: “It all started when our state’s Jack-O’-Lottery jackpot climbed to 23 million dollars.” Jack-‘O-Lottery? Seriously, could AMM not think of a better name? It sounds like Jacko the Wacko went on an Irish holiday, or Halloween took over their state lottery. Was the Connecticut State Lottery too boring? I live in St. Louis, and we have the Missouri State Lottery and the Illinois State Lottery. Pretty simple, eh?

Anywho, Dawn fangirls about how much freakin’ money 23 million is (try 230 million Dawn…just wait for the powerball). Claudia somehow persuaded her father to buy lottery tickets for her (Dawn thinks it so unfair that kids can’t gamble...look Dawn, I know you smoke it up with you mom on the weekends and you think it’s okay but honestly, it’s not that unfair) and supposedly has been doing this forever (riiiight) and the BSC gals always made fun of her (how nice!). But when it hit 23 million, suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore and they all wanted tickets. They get Dawn’s mom to buy them and all agree to split 7 ways if they win, which would be 3 million dollars a piece. Dawn says they could afford to be women of leisure for the rest of their lives (um…methinks not. After taxes, it’ll probably be closer to 2 mil and if we’ve learned any lessons from Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer, you can spend it just as fast as you receive it. Just remember that “nationwide is on your side”).

So the drawing is on a Friday, so they of course have a sleepover at Dawn’s house. The girls are SO sure with 7 tickets that they surely would win (forget the other like 700,000 people who also bought tickets). But they have to sit through the ten o’clock news first. Oh, the horror. At one point Kristy yells “Oh, who cares about world peace? When are they going to announce the winning ticket?”

Nice Kristy. Way to set your priorities.

Okay, so here comes the real ridiculous part of the plot. Dawn ends up having six of the seven winning numbers which apparently means they’ve won a prize.

They do? Since when? Last I checked, if you don’t have the right powerball, you don’t win. How can I get in on this “Jack ‘O Lottery” jackpot?

They win TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. Riiiiight. Which apparently = $1,428.57 each. Before taxes of course…wait, they are going to mention taxes right? *sigh*

Dawn mentions that they conveniently have two weeks off next month and could use their winnings for a fine trip to Cali. So with a check in with Jack Schafer, and an uber eager group of baby-sitters it was all settled: California, here they come!

Chapter 1: Dawn

Mary Anne is so excited about the upcoming trip to Cali that she’s packing a week beforehand. Dawn teases her, but Mary Anne is firm about not wanting to forget anything (‘cause you know, she only has about a thousand dollars to spend and we all know that Cali doesn’t have stores or anything where she could buy something should she forget something).

The girls ride their bikes to the Kishi’s for a BSC meeting and Dawn specifically mentions riding them straight into the garage (really? Do the Kishi’s not have any cars?) because they didn’t want them to get stolen. LOL.

So now we come to the point in the book where we get the whole schpeil about the BSC and how it began and blah, blah, blah I don’t care to read about Kristy’s Great Idea again. Although this little bit is gold: “Unlike Kristy, who is just average looking and doesn’t care about clothes, Claudia is absolutely gorgeous and wears wild clothes…for instance, on the day of this meeting she was wearing a red shirt with Mexican hats and cactus plants printed on it, and blue-and-white striped pants held up by polka-dotted suspenders. On her head was what looked like an engineers cap (it matched her pants), and dangling from her ears were miniature cowboy boots, which she’d made herself.”

Wha-wha-she was wearing what?! I’m suddenly picturing Claudia hosting “Shining Time Station” on Cinco de Mayo.

Apparently sophistication = sparkly nail polish, and Stacey’s clothes are about as wild as Claudia’s. Oh yeah? What’s our good friend Anastasia wearing today? “On this particular day, Stacey was wearing wide-legged, cropped pants; her Hard Rock Café t-shirt; and high topped running shoes.” Um…change the pants to jeans and the shoes to Keds and that = Kristy. Verdict? How about no freakin’ way close to how wild Claud’s outfit is?


Everyone laughs at poor MA when Dawn explains that she was packing, and that’s why they were almost late. Nice step-sister. Dawn mentions visiting Hollywood and MA flips out (OMG! She might meet Cam Geary!). Claud takes this point to gloat about how they all doubted her buying lottery tickets and thought she was stupid. Stacey says not stupid, just frivolous (because most 13 year olds are able to throw that word into everyday conversation). Claud don’t know what that means, but whatever it is, it paid off. In the words of Claud, “Oh, my lord. How are we going to wait until next Saturday?” It’s okay Claud, just one more page.

Chapter 2: Jessi

Jessi writes a postcard to Becca and Squirt (‘cause he’s so bright that he can already read) and her normal loopy handwriting is even worse, because for some reason Jessi decides the best time to write a note to her siblings is during a time that the plane hits some turbulence. So freakin’ annoying. I’ve been flying on airplanes since I was about 2 months old and you do not hit turbulence the entire time, in fact, planes are relatively smooth most of the time. I’m more likely to have shitty handwriting trying to write in a car or a train than on a plane.

OMG, the plane is HUGE! Nine seats across! (That’s 2-5-2…and pretty typical for longer non-commuter type flights). Kristy makes some comment about how all planes smell the same and MA about freaks out because she’s already freakin’ out about the flight and is about to pull a major Margo Pike moment if Kristy mentions anything gross.

Mallory suggests playing hangman to Jessi and Jessi suggests perhaps saving it for later since it’s a five hour flight and all, and they’ve only been on the plane, oh five MINUTES.

Stacey asks about the on-flight movie and apparently it’s Alfred Hitchcock’s “Vertigo.” Huh? Checks copyright on book. Okay, book was written in 1990. “Vertigo” came out in 1958. I decided to check and see what movies came out in 1989 and I really think “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” would have been more appropriate. Honestly, I remember on-air movies being stuff that was relatively new, like were not on VHS yet (yes, this is pre-DVDs) but were out of the theatres because advertisers wanted to promote the films before going onto VHS. Seriously, “Vertigo?” How about “Troop Beverly Hills,” also released in 1989? (Also a personal fav of mine).

Okay, back to the plot. MA is afraid of crashing, and oh wait, they aren’t in the air yet! Okay, a quick takeoff and now they’re being served lunch. Choices are spaghetti or chicken, and everyone chooses spaghetti except Dawn (wait a minute, is chicken on Dawn’s uber California health fanatic tofu is awesome diet?) and Stacey (is chicken healthier than pasta or something? Are they serving alfredo sauce?).

Jessi mentions how first class gets to eat off of real plates and stuff and Mary Anne thinks that it “so fresh.” It’s like, so fresh and so clean clean ya’ll.

Claud mentions wanting to go to Knott’s Berry Farm and Jessi is all like, WTF? Why do you want to go to a berry farm? *sigh* Dawn is nice about it though and says it’s an amusement park.

We get into major California sight seeing conversation. Jessi wants to go a wax museum, Mal wants to see stars’ homes, Kristy wants to know if there’s a sports hall of fame (hey Kristy, there’s this place called Cooperstown in New York. Go.), Stacey wants to visit Grauman’s Chinese Theatre (just like on I Love Lucy ‘cause all middle school kids in the 80’s watched it…*cough*), and Jessi mentions wanting to see the San Diego Zoo and Dawn spoils her fun by pointing out that San Diego is too far from LA. Cali’s a big state.

MA becomes miss tour guide and spouts off all of this info about LA and Hollywood. (Seriously, why was the in-flight movie NOT “Troop Beverly Hills?” SO damn appropriate!).

Dawn’s dad is nice and patient, because you know Claud brought about four suitcases and they were in the baggage claim for hours.

Jessi is excited because she will get to meet up with Derek, a sitting charge (damn, it only took 2 chapters to mention a sitting charge!) who is an actor on the show “P.S. 162.”

They get to Dawn’s dad’s place and…Carol, the evil bitch who Jack was probably seeing before he and Sharon got divorced is there. Dawn is not pleased.

But whatever, they’re in Cali!

Chapter 3: Kristy

Kristy writes a postcard and comments in it that she’s used half of it to just write their names (hey Kristy, they get it, you could have erased a line or two to talk about your trip, eh?). She makes a point to say Dawn’s house is really nice…oh, and so is her dad. Nice of you to mention it Kristy!

Jet-lag! Oh come on girls it’s only three hours! I’ve been making the Midwest-Cali trip for years and I get over it fast. Now if it was Europe and it was 6-8 hours, sure. But Kristy talks about their “poor confused bodies.” Oh please. You’re young, get over it!

But this leads to everyone being groggy and okay with staying in that day. Which leads to a call from Sunny which leads to a BSC meets the We <3 Kids Club meeting.

Kristy, of course, is dying to see how they run, as baby-sitting clubs naturally were HER idea. Oh, and she says it: “”I was already beginning to feel…funny. I knew there was no reason to feel competitive but, well, I did feel that I had sort of invented baby-sitting clubs, and that I knew best.” Ohhhhh…I can’t wait for this!

So we meet Sunny Winslow, Maggie Blume and Jill Henderson. And Kristy freaks out because they don’t have officers (strike #1). They don’t have a club notebook (strike #2). They do have an appointment book and Kid-Kits “just like yours” Jill says (reverse those strikes).

They get a call for a sitting job and no one is available. So, they end up offering the job to Mary Anne and she accepts. Kristy is appalled. She learns that they don’t hold regular meetings, and that their clients can call any one of their houses. Hmmph.

Turns out that the sitting charge MA agreed to sit for has asthma and she flips. Oh dear, come on, it’s not like she's an invalid or something!

The We <3 Kids Club gets another call to sit for some kids named Erick and Ryan. Kristy, wanting to prove herself as the ultimate baby-sitter, agrees to sit for them, despite the warnings that they are terrors (you go girl!).

Chapter 4: Dawn

Dan writes to her mom and Richard and is all like yeah, things are going great and then….there’s Carol. Okay, seriously, I know her parents are divorced but would you really talk about a new girlfriend in a postcard?

It’s Monday, they are all over their jet-lag and Dawn is glad to be home-er, well her second home (it’s okay Dawn, you’ll be moving back later). But she insists that she will be returning to Stoneybrook and that a part of the reason she wouldn’t want to move back to Cali is because of…Carol.

OMG, Carol is ALWAYS there. When she shows up on Monday to offer to drive the girls wherever they want to go because Jack’s at work, Dawn’s all like “go away bitch, Mrs. Bruen can hook us up.” Mrs. Bruen hears this and is like, “aw hells no. That ain’t my job.”

Everyone but MA wants to go to the beach, so the beach wins. Dawn’s in a pretty pissy mood about Carol until they arrive at the beach.

Stacey is fascinated by the surfers, and Carol mentions that she could take a class if she wanted, and Dawn is appalled. “Surfing is very dangerous!” she cries. Carol says “not if you learn properly.” Stacey is hooked, and after trying to convince the others to join her, ends up walking over to the surfing class area by herself.

Claudia, meanwhile, is staring at some gorgeous dude who is reading a book. Claud comments that she’d love to see what he’s reading about, and Carol says,” why don’t you go ask him?” And Dawn is all like, what nerve! Honestly Dawn, it’s not that bad of an idea. If Claud likes they guy, why shouldn’t she introduce herself?

They are then distracted by Stacey’s surfing class. Dawn notices that Stacey has clearly caught the “surfing bug,” which makes me think of images of some cute little bug riding a surfboard and Stacey running around going, “look at him, isn’t he cute?”

Carol suggests that Claud invite the “gorgeous boy” over for lunch…blasphemy! And she does! And we learn his name is Terry. He lives nearby, both parents are lawyers and he loves school (perfect match for Claud, no?).

After lunch, Claud joins Terry over at his spot in the sand and they talk. Mallory moans that EVERY girl on the beach is blond. Right. Let’s see: Kristy, Claudia, Mary Anne and Jessi are not blond. In fact, in your little group the only blonds are Dawn and Stacey. STFU Mal. She still moans about wanting to be a blond and when she mentions possibly dying her hair Carol just smiles and Dawn is appalled. Well, what did you expect Dawn? She’s not Mal’s mother, nor is she yours. Besides, it’s not like Mal was at the store contemplating purchasing hair dye.

Dawn introduces Stacey to some of her surfing friends and she’s thrilled. Dawn says the day was pleasant enough, but she felt unsettled.

Chapter 5: Stacey

Stacey writes a postcard to Laine, ‘cause they are still friends in this book. I’m sure Laine would find some reason to call Stacey’s surfing craze lame.

Dawn is annoyed because Carol is once again offering to cart all of her friends around town – what nerve! I mean, she actually smiled when Mal suggested dying her hair! I would have smiled too, because the thought is ridiculous.

So Stacey luvs surfing. I don’t really get this plot. It’s missing something…ah yes, where’s the hot surfing instructor that Stacey has a crush on? Anyone? No?

Dawn, Kristy and Claud ride bikes to the mall (why the mall? Couldn’t they at least have gone window shopping in Beverly Hills? That’s more of a tourist type thing). MA meanwhile, is being totally lame and staying home with her pamphlets so she can officially become the walking tour guide of southern California.

Mal and Jessi actually take Carol up on her offer to drive them somewhere and go to Hollywood so that Mal can visit the Max Factor Museum of Beauty. Okay, they gets points for at least wanting to go to Hollywood, but a beauty museum? Oh wait, it’s Mal.

Stacey meets up with Dawn’s surfer friends: Paul (the driver), Alana, Rosemary and Carter. Paul drives a bit fast, as Stacey says the ride was “scary but exhilarating,” but once Stacey gets to the beach she’s all about making out with the hot surfer dude – oh wait, she actually wants to surf. For some reason.

Stacey rides in a wave that Dan, her instructor says is way too big for her but it’s too late. Will Stacey die and become the infamous surfer ghost of Palo City? No, she’s okay. And totally impressed with herself (is this anything new?).

After her class she joins Dawn’s friends and coincidence of coincidences, runs into Terry, Claud’s current object of affection. Terry’s disappointed that Claud’s not there (I guess Stacey’s bikini wasn’t skimpy enough today) and Stacey offers to give him Dawn’s phone number.

Uh, what? Way to just give out a phone number that isn’t yours, or even Claud’s!

Mr. Schafer shows that he’s truly a dad when Stacey comes back to the house and he’s not happy (well, I forgot to mention that Paul’s convertible has doors that don’t open so Stacey had to hop out of the back of the car – nice). Dawn reassures her dad that he knows all of the kids and their parents and he finally caves, mentioning that he’s playing tennis with Carter’s dad in a couple of weeks. Stacey’s saved.

The girls share their stories of the day, while MA presents a list of “Things We Have To Do in CA.” It’s gonna be a busy rest of the trip then, MA’s had ALL day to fawn over her list.

Chapter 6: Claudia

Claud writes a horribly misspelled postcard to her parents, which I’m sure they love. Claud doesn’t have anything interesting to say, except that it would be really cool (not distant?) if they got skylights.

Anyway, Claud can’t talk to them about Terry, who calls the house thanks to one Anastasia McGill. The phone rings and Jeff races for it, to which Dawn jokes about him having a girlfriend and Mr. Schafer says no, Jeff’s hoping it’s a friend calling to say that he’s got Grateful Dead tickets. Stacey laughs, saying “Jeff’s a Deadhead?” and Claud is really confused (she’s obviously not a Deadhead. I do find it amusing that Jeff is into the GD though, not exactly a popular band for his age group. Then again, I’m a Beatles fan and I wasn’t alive when they were together so, whatever).

Anyway, it’s for Claud and she assumes it’s her parents but it’s actually Terry! He wants to take Claud out and she is caught so off guard she’s like “sure,” and before you know it, she’s going on a date the next day.

Claud pulls Stacey aside, tells her it was Terry, and before Claud can scold her Stacey is all like “Wow, I can’t believe he called so soon!” Claud stands her ground though and tells Stacey she had no right to give him the Schafers number and butt into her business (amen, sista!). But Stacey isn’t listening and is wanting to know details…are they going out? What are you going to wear? And before you know it, Stacey’s got Claud thinking about outfits and looking good for her date. So much for scolding the bitch.

Claud picks a sundress, and apparently is the only one left at the house when Terry and his mom pick her up for her date the next day. Claud’s nervous, but Terry’s mom keeps the conversation going asking Claud questions (maybe mom should go on the whole date!)

So she drops them off at the mall (Claud makes a point to mention that it’s a different one than the one she, Dawn and Kristy went to) and says she’ll be back at four and Claud flips wondering what they’re going to do for four hours (well…oh wait, they are 13. Nevermind).

They go to an Italian restaurant and Claud panics because the entire menu is in Italian (what kind of mall is this? None of the malls I know have restaurants that fancy in them). But Terry saves the day saying that the “fettucini alfredo” is really good and Claud decides that’s safe. Has Claud never been to an Italian restaurant? I mean, fettucini is pretty common…I’m pretty sure spaghetti would have been somewhere on the menu. And as Jessi pointed out earlier, Claud ordered spaghetti on the plane because she absolutely loves it.

So then, after this Italian feast, they see a foreign film that is in Italian, with English subtitles. What? Do 13 year old boys actually want to see foreign films? The 13 year olds I know would want to see I don’t know, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle or something like that. This whole date is so weird.

Naturally, Claud didn’t get the movie, but she pretends anyway. And Terry’s impressed and in total luv.

Claud gets back to the house and vents to Carol that she isn’t good enough for him. Says she feels like she’s playing a game, letting him think she’s this smart person (well, you kind of are Claud).

Carol starts to mention that some girls change their personality to make a relationship work, which Dawn interrupts and says it’s stupid but before Carol can explain herself Claud is already thinking that it’s good advice. *sigh*

Chapter 7: Mary Anne

Mary Anne writes a postcard to Logan and tells him he’ll never believe what she did today (Logan: you became the walking tour guide of Cali?)…she baby-sat! Well of course she did, these girls can’t go on a single trip without some baby-sitting!

MA sits for Stephie Robertson, aka MA junior. Stephie’s mom died right after she was born, she has an over-protective dad, and an influx of baby-sitters. Stephie normally has a regular nannie, but she had a family emergency so Stephie’s dad had been busy lining up sitters in her absence.

MA arrives and Lisa Meri, Stephie’s morning sitter is there. MA asks Lisa about Stephie’s asthma and tries her best not to freak out (dude, it’s just asthma!).

MA walks into Stephie’s room and notes that it looks just like hers did when she was a kid. You know, pink bunnies, storybook characters adorning the walls like Little Bo Peep (no Humpty Dumpty though). MA mentions that her room used to look like hers and that her dad decorated it, which gets Stephie’s attention. When MA mentions her mom died when she was young, Stephie’s like me too! And then they find other things in common and Stephie is all excited and wants to go bike riding and MA freaks because of the asthma thing (even though she’s been told that Stephie’s attacks are connected to emotions, not physical things). Stephie convinces MA to go for a walk in the park, which they pack a picnic lunch and have great bonding time talking about their overprotective dads. Stephie is so happy she wants MA to sit again. MA has nothing else to do on vacation, right?

Chapter 8: Mallory

This chapter is funny because apparently I attempted to mimic Mallory’s signature on the postcard page as I have written her name in pen twice on it. I guess I liked Mal at the time.

Anyway, Mal writes her parents and fills them in on the fun but leaves out her obsession with makeup and hair dye. Interesting tidbit though, it’s address to “Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Pike.” Um, I thought his name was John? (checks Complete Guide – yep, it is). Maybe Daniel is Mal’s read dad? Ooops…

Everyone is going in different directions: Jessi, to see Derek on the set of P.S. 612, Stacey’s surfin’, Claud’s freakin’ out about her date, and MA is baby-sitting.

That left, Dawn, Kristy and Mal to utilize Carol’s services (go ahead, think of it as you like) and Mal to give us a lesson on the words dibble, fresh, distant and stale. In case you didn’t already know, all mean cool in some way or form except for stale, which means awful.

Carol asks what they want to do and Dawn says, “Stars’ homes. Beverly Hills. Hollywood. You can’t come to California and not look around for, like, Lucille Ball’s home.”

Which brings me to my theory…all kids in Stoneybrook love “I Love Lucy!”

Mal, however, wants to know if they can go to the mall they passed the other day (okay, seriously, I know Washington Mall sucks, but another mall? Couldn’t they have just gone to New York for a day and saved a whole lot more money if all they wanted to do was shop?).

Mal points out it’s a BIG mall. Has an ice skating rink in it even (so does the mall by me, but it’s still a mall) and on top of that MA would kill them if they went to visit stars’ homes without her. (Okay, agreed. MA would probably cry a river if she heard they went without her).

Mal fangirls about how big the mall is. Dawn and Kristy are like “let’s go skating!” so they go ice skating. Then play video games. Then Carol suggests getting food. Oh, and Jeff is with them because he and his friend got into a fight over who is the biggest Deadhead. LOL.

They eat at a health food place; Carol’s treat and as soon as they are done Mal says she’s off to the makeup counters and bolts.

Mal enters the cosmetics area and is in total heaven. Lipstick, mascara, blush, powder…Mal is practically salivating at the possibilities.

The girl at the counter asks if she needs help and Mal says she wants a complete makeover. The gal is overjoyed (“a sale!”) though I’m surprised that she is so excited over an 11 year old. Honestly, I remember being turned down for makeovers at the mall because I was “too young.”

Anyway, Mal mentions dying her hair blonde and the gal suggests wash-out dye, in case her par-I mean, in case she doesn’t like it.’

Okay, haha. She’s a brunette/redhead. Wash-out blond hair dye? Are you kidding me? Does not exist. Must bleach hair to get it lighter if it’s darker. Wash-out dye wouldn’t make her a blond, and if it did, it wouldn’t wash-out and make her a redhead again.

So Mal spends some ridiculous amount of money on hair dye and make-up. Afterwards she claims she only has $6.28 left to spend. Damn! How much was all of that? Assuming they had about $1500 each, subtract $500 for the airfare…did she spend $500+ on makeup? CRAZY!

Back at the Schafer ranch, Jessi asks about what Mal bought and she tells her make-up and hair dye, but makes a point to mention that it washes out. Then she goes into the bathroom to dye her hair, and comes out as a blonde (riiiight. With temporary dye).

Jessi sums it up the best: “Mallory Pike, it is not you.” Touche.

Coming up next, Claud's in love, Stacey's surfs and Mal shows off her fabulous blonde hair...