Super Special #1 Babysitters On Board! Ch 16-20
Okay, here's the next installment of this snark and I'll link it so that you can reread if you need to because it's been so long since my last post. (sorry!)

Ch 1-5
Ch 6-10
Ch 11-15

Ch 16- Dawn
So Dawn runs into Parker at the hotel and he asks her if she wants to spend her first day at the Magic Kingdom with him. Well of course the answer is obviously yes! She asks Kristy’s mom for permission and of course it’s yes. And now they’re letting a twelve year old traipse around the Magic Kingdom. With a boy. Let’s just hope they don’t get freaky behind a couple of mechanical Dutch children on It’s A Small World. Claudia plays Barbie and dresses Dawn in one of her outfits, it’s actually not too shabs: a white tank top under lavender overalls, lavender push-down socks, lavender high-top sneakers, and a beaded Indian belt, which we looped droopily twice around my middle. In my hair we put lavender-and-white clips that looked like birds. I do however draw the line at the bird clips. Dawn was pretty stoked because she thinks she looks like hot shit. She meets up with Parker and they set out for the Magic Kingdom. Dawn is prepared to be disappointed because she’s been to Disneyland millions of times and this is probably going to be the SOS.

Parker is famazed at Disney like any normal person would be and Dawn is being a party pooper until Parker calls her out on it (WIN!). So Dawn tries to be more enthusiastic and is all “yaaaay, shopping and movies….” But Parker wants to go straight to the rides and immediately wants to go on Space Mountain. Dawn is now thinking “oh fan-fucking-tastic, I gotta pretend to be excited to go on a ride I’ve ridden nine times at Disneyland”. So she party poops all the way to the ride where they have to wait 20 minutes in line (ah this was before the wonderful invention of the Fast Pass) and then they finally make it in and an attendant straps them in. First of all, we’re called cast members, not attendants. Second of all, has AMM actually ridden Space Mountain at Disney World? Because of her description and the fact that I don’t like rollercoasters, I’ve always been scared to death to ride that ride and I actually just recently rode it two summers ago for the first time due to peer pressure from my friends. It was not at all how she described. Dawn was convinced they were all gonna die by either the car flying off the track or her barfing, or her face was going to be permanently smashed in. So don’t go by AMM’s description of Space Mountain. I thought it was fine, and this is coming from the girl who’s scared to death of rollercoasters. Well they get off the ride and it seems like Dawn needs medical attention what with the shaky legs and the urging to vomit and all. So Parker, being the concerned twelve year old boy that he is, gets them sodas and makes Dawn wait until hers is sort of flat before she sips it. She then felt better but not good enough for another ride so they start walking around shopping for the perfect souvenir. Dawn only has eight bucks left to blow so she decided to get a glass unicorn charm for her antique bracelet. Parker buys a tee-shirt and Dawn decides that boys don’t care so much about souvenirs.

They start walking around some more until- dun dun duuuuun! They run into Parker’s family! The parents dump the little boys off on Dawn and Parker for an hour because he can’t say no. The little boys want to ride Thunder Mountain, but are nervous because it looks scary. At least they’re not riding it at night because I swear they crank up the juice and the ride goes like eight times faster. But they all go on it, fun was had, Parker doesn’t hate his step-brothers anymore, and Dawn does the told you so dance. Everything was fun times until Dawn sees that her bracelet and charm are missing and then starts crying. But then when they get back to the hotel Parker surprises her with another unicorn charm and she starts blubbering again and he kisses her cheek. And that’s where it ends. Awkward……

Ch 17- Mallory
Mallory’s still living her spy life but is getting frustrated by it because she can’t find out any more info on the people she originally stalked. She gets another opportunity at the Magic Kingdom where her parents let her wander around by herself. For the love of tacos, she’s ten years old! The first time my parents let me wander around Disney World without them, with my little sister, was when I was turning fifteen that month! I cannot get over the blatant lack of parenting that goes on in this book. But I digress. This chapter’s pretty boring, Mallory makes some spy attempts but they really aren’t worth mentioning. But then gasp! Guess who Mal sees! None other than Alexandra, aka Mary Anne’s hot piece of ass. She sees her with some friends, a younger looking boy and an older couple. Mallory pees with excitement and then follows them to ride Peter Pan’s Flight. She gets bored because none of them are talking, but then the second she caps her pen, they start talkin! By process of elimination, or them actually saying “brother, sister, mom, daddy”, Mallory figures out that the boy is Alex’s brother, and the older couple are her parents. Not only that, her parents are Viv and Vernon Carmody the famous husband and wife singing team. Whoa. My mind is blown. Mallory then wonders why Alex is such a liar and then sprints off to find Mary Anne and tell her the dirty gossip she just found out.

Ch 18- Mary Anne
So Mary Anne is exhausted after chasing around the Pikes at Disney that day. All she wanted to do was go back to the hotel and sleep but Mallory was buzzing around her like a gnat with “important information!”. But before that, she had to go to a club meeting cause the cult don’t take no vay-cays! M.A. is shocked, literally shocked to see that Kristy, Dawn and Claud’s room is neat and that Kristy and Dawn were smiling…. at each other. It just blows the mind, doesn’t it? So they enter the room and Claudia simply asks what’s wrong, Stacey simply replies that they’re tired and M.A. jumps in to bite Claud’s head off to remind everyone that they’re babysitting. Then Dawn jumps in with her two cents by saying “touchy, touchy!” Although she is correct, she does not feel M.A.’s prepubescent wrath, because M.A. said she would only let Dawn get away with that comment.

So they start the meeting, Claudia is still mourning the loss of the mini fridge and they discuss the kids. There’s nothing really to discuss except that they’re having fun and Karen has a ghostly companion and no one knows what to do about it. Um I know what to do, ignore her. They all then discuss how they all keep missing the parades. WTF, how can they miss the parades? Everyone and their mom is usually out on the sidewalk at the parade time and pre-fast pass, if you didn’t wait that long in line, it means that a parade is about to go down. Those are two key signs. I remember one time my sister and I rode Malestrom three consecutive times at Epcot because everyone was out at the lake watching Illuminations. I bet the ‘Brook group is the one that’s most likely to go up to a cast member and ask what time the three o’clock parade starts. Kristy then asks if they thought of gifts again. Dawn suggests cement planters shaped like turtles and Kristy basically calls her a dumbass because how are they supposed to get them on the plane. Mary Anne suggests personalized key chains and Kristy spazzes no because they have Mickey Mouse on them. Because God forbid you go to Disney and don’t get anything with Mickey on it. M.A. then snits “what did you think of?” She says nothing good. Well hello, of course Kristy doesn’t really have to think about it. That’s what her minions are for. Kristy orders them to think more and Mary Anne falls asleep. She didn’t wake up until Stacey shook her arm and told her that their break was over. They go back to their rooms and Mallory bounces over to M.A. saying that they have about 15-20 mins cause Vanessa just went in the bathroom. I hope someone has the Oust ready.

Mallory then spills Alexandra Carmody’s dirty secret about her having a family. M.A. is shocked, shocked I tell you! She then does not sleep that night but decides that she’s going to confront Alex the next day. So the next day comes and M.A. sees Alex in the lobby and proceeds to call her out on her shit. Alex starts to cry, but M.A.’s heart of stone is not affected. I’m really confused by this because since when has Mary Anne grown a pair? She thinks she’s done now with Alex, but oh no, she’s not! Alex tags along with M.A. Margo and Claire, even with M.A. ignoring her. They finally get rid of her when they come out of Space Mountain and Margo barfs all over Alex’s shoes. M.A. is now happy to be rid of her. Well damn, if she’d thrown Margo in the tea cups that morning, M.A. would have been rid of Alex a hell of a lot sooner. Perhaps she’ll use it for tomorrow if it happens again.

Ch 19- Byron
So we’re back to Byron writing another journal entry, because really, there can’t be too many of those. Byron states that Disney World is awesome (which is true) because David Michael is allowed to hang out with them. Surprisingly, the Pike parents show some skills when they don’t allow the boys to run around Disney unsupervised. So instead, Stacey is watching them. I use the term “watching them” loosely because she said she didn’t care what they did as long as it wasn’t illegal. She then sets the rule of if they wanna go on rollercoasters, they cannot eat before they go on them. Oh Stacey you silly goose, you can still dry heave even if you don’t eat. So they ride the rides and finally make it over to Pirates of the Caribbean where I’m shocked to find the ride accurately described. So they get off the ride and discuss their favorite parts which I think that may or may not lead to future career choices, Nicky was obsessed with the fire and was it real (arsonist, magician, Gob), Jordan liked the gun fight (gang leader, tours in Westside Story), and David Michael liked the drunk pirate (drunk looter). Jordan then starts singing gross songs until they realize they are in pirate heaven, aka, the gift shop where the ride lets off. So they each buy something so they’ll have a collection and then Byron declares them awesome enough start treasure hunting. And Nicky still thinks they’re going to find the stowaway. He’s on his own with that one says Byron.

So he pulls out the pirate map and then pulls out the Magic Kingdom map and after no reasoning whatsoever, they decide to look on Tom Sawyer’s Island. Adam slyly suggests that they split up, but unfortunately for him, Stacey’s more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won’t quit and quickly veto’s that idea. They head over and start searching. After looking for what seems like minutes, Byron shrieks out that he found treasure. It was a really old bracelet and Byron thinks it was from a jewel raided town in the Caribbean. Yeah, because you really find stuff like that in central Florida. Stacey looks at it and states that it’s Dawn’s bracelet that she lost earlier. Well that’s ridiculously convenient. Nicky’s then all bummed because they didn’t find the stowaway. Byron wonders that how they were going to find him in the middle of Disney is beyond him. Right. Just like finding pirate treasure isn’t. So they go back to the hotel, Byron gives Dawn the bracelet, she bawls again (I think someone’s getting her first period!) and Byron’s scared that she’s gonna kiss him. Much to his relief she doesn’t and the boys decide to stop looking for buried treasure but Byron just can’t give up the map.

Ch 20- Karen
Karen is so sad because they are leaving. She’s happy, but so sad. In more ways than you know Karen. So anyways, Karen is ridiculously excited that she’s going to eat breakfast with the Disney characters where we find a ghostie error! And this one has always bugged me because Karen is so fucking adamant about people knowing she’s got two families. So I give you: “Mommy and Daddy and Andrew and David Michael and I were going to go on a steamboat called the Empress Lilly and eat breakfast.” Since when was Lisa on this trip? But back to the action at hand. They all go on, get nametags, Karen prattles on about her ghost and then the kids eat all the chocolate doughnuts. Just then a man walked into the room and asked if it was anyone’s birthday. Some kid stood up and said it was his. He was turning eight and his name was Tomas. Everyone sang to him. Then the man asked if there was any other birthdays in the house. So the attention whore that is Karen, jumps up and is all “ME! ME! ME! IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” Watson’s all “wtf it’s not your birthday!” but it was too late because the dude already came over. He asks how old she is, Karen says she’s turning seven. David Michael snorted (win!) and Karen thought it was rude of him.

And I now give you this passage: I beamed. I loved it. I loved being right in the middle of things, with everyone thinking about me. I didn’t care that it wasn’t my birthday. It was probably my only chance ever to have about a hundred people sing to me. Um, wrong Karen. You’ll probably have that on your very own episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen. I bet after Watson cuts her off from his credit cards, she’ll turn to stripping as a career. But it won’t be demeaning because she loves all that attention. Pink glasses for pole dancing, blue glasses for lap dances! So then Watson’s all “you told a lie, I should make you wait outside, but I won’t because it’s our last day of vacation.” And then as an after thought he goes “Besides, everyone thinks it’s your birthday.” Karen’s then all “sorry! My ghost made me do it!” but Watson says nothing about that lie which now makes me think this bitch is going to get of scott free. And she knew it was a lie too. Karen’s then scared that she lied about the ghost making her do it because now the ghost might come and kick her ass. Which I hope it does, but sadly does not. Karen and David Michael then fight, the Disney characters came out and no one eats because they are too excited.

So after breakfast they head over to the Magic Kingdom and on to Fantasyland to ride the carousel. Andrew has to go to the bathroom so Watson leaves and takes him, Elizabeth chases after David Michael and Karen bends down to pull her socks up. Her ass is now lost which serves her right after her little escapade that she pulled that morning. She’s now yelling for Elizabeth and a popcorn vender comes over to try and help, he asks what Elizabeth was wearing and Karen says a pink dress but she wasn’t too sure because she was so excited at breakfast that she couldn’t pay attention. Except to herself of course. So they reach the carousel and Elizabeth was the first person they saw and she was wearing jeans and a yellow shirt. She didn’t seem too frantic that Karen was missing and was pretty much, “oh I was hoping you’d find your way here.” Karen also then decides her hitchhiking ghost is friendly and wants him to come back to the ‘Brook and become bff with Ben Brewer.

To be continued. :D