reaperfox

• 12:07 PONYCON POWERS ACTIVATE #
• 13:46 wow, goddamn it. I hate when 'Scrubs' is serious because it always, ALWAYS makes me cry. #

reaperfox

• 10:20 Ponycon, I am DONE. Ponies sorted. Art half-done. Packing... not so much. Okay, so I'm not "DONE" so much as 'sick of ponies'. YAY PONYCON! #

reaperfox

• 15:59 I'm getting to that stage where I'm regretting ever collecting My Little Ponies. Jeeze! #

rosepuppet

[	mood	|	crazy	]
[	music	|	Dope Stars	]

well well...
Hello there folks, I am here now, at University, in a state of utter confusion and overwhelmedness.  There is so much to take on board, I really don't know how to form it all into a coherent statement...  My brain is mashed and fucked by all the change.
Apart from anything else, there is the missing of Bristol, my old flat, my friends, family, routine, familiar places and peoples.  Even the familiarity of the disorder I peppered my life with.  Its all behind and over 200 miles away, physically anyway.  All of you and everything I did and did not get round to doing before I left is also on my mind.  Thankyou for sending me off with so much love.
My room in halls is a strange souless affair with a neon-lit en suite and a cold, thin, plasticky double bed.  Why did I think that a 4 tog duvet would be enough?  Why did I think lots of things...  I arrived with only half of what I packed as the car my mum hired was far too small for any real amount of stuff.  We jettisoned things in ultraspeedy fashion on Saturday morning, I left all my art stuff, thick duvets and most of my clothes.  I left all my fun books, DVDs, CDs, cushions, fairylights, UV stuff, cutlery, cooking equipment, plates and miscellanous bits.  So I am cold at night and borrowing knives by day.
I am living in a block with 6 others, none of which are mature students really, nor scientists (the info on that was a lie...) so I am with mostly young arts and crafts students.  Most are recreational menthol smokers and quite sensible, aprt from the freshers drinking thing that everyone new does anyway.  I have not drunk much at all, as its expensive and not worth it in my books.  Small, medicinal and social quantities of Jagermeister only...
On the first day my mum and I moved my stuff in, unpacked, went off walking the coast, found a nudist beach and one of us skinny-dipped with the old tanned naked guys (it was not me, there's a clue!)  I felt pretty cool and numb to everything, I think the emotion had overloaded and burnt out my panic receptors at that point.  Went out for introductory drinks with the other freshers that night, struggled to find any scientists, but got found by a young goth, immaculately dressed and hatted.  Same hair dye and predilection for bloodletting, though I think he doesn't know how seriously I take all that stuff (its not always lighthearted fun...)  anyway, not much apart from worry, tea and loud noises outside that night.  I started missing Bristol then.  Dreamed of being attacked and dismembered by a naked deformed evil dwarf, in the woods.  It was VERY realistic.  Joy.
Next day, I fell apart after my gym induction,  Realised how much I'd left behind and couldn't stop crying.  Got stuck in my own head and curled up like a prawn in lemon juice, suddenly feeling very much like a useless and eternally mentally disordered patient.  BT helped by charging me 180 squid to leave thier services.  The bastards.  I found  myself unable to fathom anything from internet connections, to forms and finances, to how to speak.  It was a shitty afternoon.
avoiding the evening Pirate Party, I stayed in and talked to people.  Had some Jager, put on facial hair and lab coat, smoked outside socially til I located another mature student on my course (he is 32, yay!)  and he showed me his photos of plants, butterflies and him handling dormice.  Good focused bloke, he is wise and experienced in ecology, a position to aim for in life, not to mention he'd lived in Canada!
Ended up happier come 3am, my housemates thought I was shagging the goth just cos I let him use my room freely and we were discussing evil things.  They don't get that nearly all my Bristol mates are male, and that does not mean anything.  If they wanna believe we are doing weird kinky sex then they can, at least I get kudos for being wild and let off the hook for not wanting to drink or add to the alcohol funds...  (I can't really even if I wanted to, thanks to BT.) 
Today, finally, I got to meet people.  I saw the councellor in the morning, booked appointment, signed up with doctors, had intro talks for sciences...

Must go, got company

Love you all in the most wrong way possible....