Being bipolar at work.


Monday July 13 - 12:02

Can't work. Unable to.
Countryboy is having fun inside my head.
No matter how much I try to fight it, he's there. I just can't focus on what I'm doing. I long for the guy but I don't know where to find some courage to actually move my ass and go up to him. Too afraid of making a fool out of myself? Might be. A part of me tells me that he likes me - I guess it's the irrational one - but the other one screams no. The signals he sent look positive to me, but what if it was just out of good manners?
WTH being in love is harder and more tiring that working 24/7.
Or maybe it's not love and I'm just hungry for human contact... Hungry for MOAR lol
Sorri gaiz for being like this but once again, 'tis my journal. Accept or gtfo.



Tuesday July 14 - 9:20

I had a panic attack yesterday night. The thought of death was literally haunting me. So i decided. Screw my rational side, next time I'm there I'm going to say hi and maybe give him my number, if the place is not too crowded. If I die tomorrow, what kind of life can I say I lived? Did do what I truly wanted to? I don't want regrets. Not anymore.

14:57

Friendship or love?
Saturday I wanted to act, but the blue carebear just asked for a movie night. Should I stay or should I go? ROFL sorry, it sounded too good. I had to. Anyway, I don't want to let him down, but at the same time I want to meet Paul. HALP.


Mom just told me that maybe we're going tomorrow. Granny equal Paul equal OMG.

Q.4
ドライブデートするなら？
What if you went on a driving date?
A. 自分で運転します！
I'll do the driving myself!
B. 彼女に運転してもらうのっていいかも～
I'll let the gilrfriend do the driving and I'll gladly take the passenger seat~

<<二宮和也 - B>>運転したいって言えば任せるよ。そのほうがシチュエーションが多くなるからね。だってさ、ドライブデートそのものはストイックなデートだと思わない？運転してるだけだもん（笑）。その目的がよくわからない。好きなデートは...家デート。彼女が映画が見たいと言えば行くけどね。
Ninomiya Kazunari - B
Generally speaking, I like entrusting the driving to someone else. It's because the situation is usually better that way. But you know, if that driving date became a stoic date, wouldn't it be unsatisfactory? Especially if it's because of the driving itself (laughs). I really don't know the purpose of that. The date that I like would be...a date at home. But if the girlfriend wants to see a movie then I'll go with her.

<<櫻井翔 - A>>Aだけど、免許を特っている彼女のほうがもろもろ助かる。眠くなったりしたら運転を代わってもらえるしね。そういうフレキシブルな行動ができるといいな。別に絶対に免許を特っていてほしいとも思わないけど。あと、オレが運転中、彼女が助手席で寝てるのってイヤじゃなくて、むしろ好きかも（笑）。
Sakurai Sho - A
I choose A, but it would better if the girlfriend had a license and would help me out. If I become sleepy then I'll let her replace me. I find that sort of flexible behavior a good thing. If the person I'm with has a license there'd be nothing particularly special about it, but I wouldn't expect it. Then if while I'm driving and the girlfriend falls asleep on the passenger seat, I'll like it instead of thinking it's unpleasant (laughs).

<<松本潤 - B>>車も運転も好きだから自分で運転するだろうけど、彼女がしたいって言えばそれもいいし、こだわるない。かのじょが運転席でオレが助手席でも問題ないよ。そのときの気分によってBGMも違ってくると思うけど、オレの車はスピーカーにMP3もつなげるし、ハードにもたくさん曲も聴けるよ。
Matsumoto Jun - B
I guess I can do the driving myself since I like cars and driving, but if the girlfriend says that she wants to do it then that's fine as well, it's nothing to fuss about. It's also not a problem if she's in the driver's seat and I'm in the passenger's seat. I think that the feeling at that time can also differ because of the BGM [background music], and even though I don't play MP3 in my car's speakers, it won't be difficult to convince me to listen to a lot of music.

<<大野智 - B>>自分が運転をしたいけど免許を特ってないから、彼女にしてもらう（笑）。免許があったら便利だろうなって思うけど、免許を取りたいってまだ思わない。別に彼女が運転してて横に蓙ってることも恥ずかしくないよ...だって、免許ないもん（笑）。もし、免許を特っていたら運転を代わったりしてもいいよ。
Ohno Satoshi - B
I'd like to do the driving but because I don't have a license in particular, the girlfriend can do it (laughs). Having a license would probably be convenient but I don't expect to get one anytime soon. It's not really embarrassing for me if the girlfriend is driving and sitting across me...because I don't have a license (laughs).Supposing I did have a license, it will be good to have my turn in driving.

<<相葉雅紀 - A>>...（時問をかけて考え）僕がハンドルを握ります。少し遠くまでのドライブになったとして、運転を交代できなくても問題ないよ。ただし、目的地で彼女が運転したいと言えば運転してもいいし、助手席に蓙るのもテレはない。状況次第で代わったりしてもいいね。彼女が運転免許を特ってる、特ってないもこだわりはないよ。
Aiba Masaki - A
(It took a while for him to think) I'll be the one to handle it. May it be for a short or even for a long distance, it's not a problem even if there's no shift in driving for a while. However, if we arrive and she says that she wants to drive then it's alright, and I'll be in the passenger seat without feeling awkward. It's also good if we exchange depending on the circumstances. Whether or not the girlfriend has a driver's license is no trouble at all.


This 蓙 kinda melted my brain, which I drank back in my skull. Coz in both my sources, it translated to "mat" or "matting." and I'm like, WHY THE HELL WOULD ARASHI TALK ABOUT EFFING MATS IN DRIVING? I thought it was the flooring of the car, but anyway I just made a personal assumption of what it meant because it won't make sense if left alone. So, yeah, one inaccuracy revealed. :)))))))))

By the way, because I'm slowly getting addicted to this love-hate relationship with translating, I thought of an ultimate project that I will have to prepare for. I'm kinda hyped about it even if it requires hella lotsa useless work (yes, useless, and you'll know why hahaha). Eeeee. <3 <3 <3
I'm just gathering the materials for it and then whoosh! I'll be off to start it. xDDDD

I watched all of Miss No Good, and while I love Rainie, and Will Pan might be my current favorite guy ever, i wasnt all about it.

Rainie's clothes were fine, but the wig was horrid, and her cutesy little baby voice grated on my nerves, and PLEASE DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE MANNERISMS. THE FACES. AAAAAAAH.

It did hold my attention once I tortured myself got through the first episode, and I was having a ball in the middle - especially after Rainie got her makeover, and I at least didnt have to deal with the wig.

But then, by the last three episodes, i was done. We had hit the point where everybody is in love and OH LOOK A CONVENIENT PLOT TWIST TO KEEP THEM APART comes along, and I wanted to bang my head against a table. I fastforwarded through 60 to 70% of the last three episodes, because I didnt care about the secondaries (and the ones I did care about got way too little screen time), and I just wanted to get to the happy ending, dammit.

So! What should I watch next? I have many things downloaded, and some that are on my more immediate list, but im not sure im in the mood for any of those. So! A poll!


Poll #1429671
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Next drama?

I could also finish watching one of these:

It's like I live a thousand lifetimes
Still looking for the one that feels right

--

Not their best performance, I think. I've tried looking for high quality music videos for this song but the good one wasn't allowed to be embedded. I love this song ever since I've heard it waaaaay back. Westlife used to be one of my favourite bands but now, I think they're more of my favourite bands to listen to. Their ballads are amazing in any way.

I went for their concert back in '01 and it was the very first concert that I've attended! :D

Alright, off to crash my RJ..again.

I found this book at Tokyo Hands today. It comes with an envelope because you're supposed to send it to someone but instead of doing that I want to share it with all of you here on LJ.

It's easy to be consumed by loneliness. It's easy to get lost. It's easy to falter. It's easy to doubt. It's easy to be dragged down by our worries, our fears, our disappointments, frustrations, struggles......

It's so easy; too easy.

Which is why we all need a reminder once in a while.

I want you all to remember that....

Each and every one of you is important.
Each and every one of you is irreplaceable.
Each and every one of you is worth so much.
Each and every one of you makes this world a better place.
Each and every one of you has so much going for you.
Each and every one of you is special.
Each and every one of you is a beautiful miracle.

( For all the lovely people on my f-list. )

Take care everyone <33

♥ and ∞

ARASHI ALL THE BEST 1999-2009 IS UNAVAIBLE EVERYWHERE T_T
I WANT IT SO MUCHHH !!
YESASIA HMV CDJPAN PLEASEEE RE -STOCKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!

as nana chan 's suggestion , i created a face book acc XD~~~
you can add me friend if you want :))
i thinks i will keep spamming this more than here at lj =))

Kei Saganagi | Tạo phù hiệu của bạn

I haven't actually lost my brain. After 4 weeks of no uni, I find it extremely hard to fall into the studying pattern. My results came out today...

I have 1 supplementary exam. It's Chemistry. GAY CHEMISTRY!!!!

I was happy to pass almost everything, but I was disappointed when I saw my Biosphere marks. SO FREAKING CLOSE TO A CREDIT!!!! I got a credit (just a few marks away from Distinction) for Cell Biology and Genetics since I had heaps of time and the right mindset for that subject. I passed Statistical Design and Analysis by 1 mark.

It's no surprise that my Stats and Chem marks are so bad since I had those two exams on the same day. I spent a lot of time on Chemistry, and 4 hours on Stats, I still passed stats with no effort. o_O Now I must study my ass off till Monday. GREAT!!! And if I don't pass this. I must repeat all 13 session of 3 hours pracs along with 3 excruciatingly painful lectures per week. Don't you just HATE university?

OH yeahz, I've been patiently waiting for MR.BRAIN. I'm like, in love with that drama. Makes me wanna study neuroscience.

Oh and I must repeat myself. Kikuchi Fuma is like the most adorable little thing ever!!!! I've never been this obsessed with a kid before. >__< UWAH!!!! 

And and and~~~ Takaki Yuya has grown up nicely. As in he doesn't look like a skinny little stick from a few years ago anymore. =DDDD

Uniwersytet Mikołaja Kopernika.
Kierunek: Praca socjalna (tak, to ten moment, w którym można zacząć się śmiać).
Ja i Toruń. Toruń i ja.

Pieprzenie, że nigdzie się nie dostanę, mogłam sobie w buty wsadzić, bo się jednak dostałam wszędzie. Ten kierunek to wina mojego własnego upośledzenia i zignorowania możliwości wyznaczenia priorytetu pomiędzy kierunkami, jakie wybrałam. Moja wina, to muszę bawić się w tej piaskownicy.
Ale nie jest źle.
A Szczecin nich pocałuje się w dupę - ogłaszanie wyników pierwszego naboru 23 lipca nie jest fajne.

~*~

Z informacji ciekawszych - Animatsuri opłacone, więc jedziemy. Niestety tym razem bez Kiraczka :(
No ale cieszę się; na tym konwencie pewnie będzie trochę więcej znanych osób, niż na Kone, bo Warszawa to nie takie zadupie jak Szczecin. Mazowsze, hmm :)
A później może Piernicon. Mam nadzieję, że będę miała jeszcze na niego pieniądze, ale chciałabym jechać, bo byłyby z nami Blanka i Kluska. Trzeba będzie zadbać o odpowiednie tło, które możnaby sprzedać rodzicom ("No wiesz, mamusiu... Warto choć trochę poznać miasto, w którym spędzi się następne lata, nie sądzisz?).

 Mnet Scandal. Nickhun couple is ♡

Alors,je vais essayer d'écrire en francais^.^
Pour moi c'est umm.. l'ambiance de Paris?
Il n'y a rien que j'aime en particulier.(Par example un lieu ou un plat favori)
J'aime Paris et la France en général,c'est un de mes pays favoris.
J'espére que j'aurais la chance d'y aller encore dans la futur.
^.^

In english:
So,I will try writing in french.
For me it's umm... the feel of Paris.(Paris feeling)
There isn't anything I like in particular.(For example a favorite place or food)
I love Paris and France generally,it's one of my favorite countries.
I hope that I can go there in the future again.
(or something like thatXDXD)

Finally decided to open a graphics community of sorts at every_love. Ah, the things you do when you need an outlet for your, er, antsy-ness. My old icons/wallpapers from here have also been archived there. I bet my f-list is rejoicing right now because, finally, my graphics posts won't be clogging their pages, rofl. :P

For those who have friended this journal only for the icons (aka, not mutual friends :P), you can go ahead and unfriend this eljay and just watch that community, instead. *_*

[109] icons
[109] DBSK (AADBSKS3 storybook preview, TSC/Mirotic concerts, Dome pamhplet, mags)
[45] Junsu
[8] Jaejoong
[8] Yoochun
[5] Yunho
[2] Changmin
[16] Yoosu
[12] Jaesu
[5] Minsu
[3] Jaesuchun
[2] Yunjae
[2] Jaemin
[2] Hyuksu
[1] Hosu
[1] Yunchun

Preview:


here@every_love

And now, to eat a midnight snack. *_*

Uh yeahz, it's currently 1:44AM and I'm up drawing and grinning like a manwoman while watching the NYCboys jacket shoot. Initially I was not interested, but that group has 4 people I really like. So I decided to fall with the flow. =D Kikuchi is just way too adorable for his own good, it's alright, he's only a 94 baby. If only I have a younger brother...I'll spoil him like crazy.ToT

I got into fashion even more recently. Due to the shortage of money, I've somehow dragged myself into making my own clothes. I'm enjoying it very much. However, learning off your own parent is a big pain in the butt. My mum yells at every little thing I do, and she ends up doing most of it in the end cuz she can't stand me doing things the crappy way. But if one does not make mistakes, how are they supposed to learn???

Oh and I walked into LV, Gucci, and Tiff&Co. the other day to shop for my friend's brithday presents, and BAM! there were only Asian fobs in all three shops. I remember a conversation with a friend (Edward):

Me: I'm not into brands.
Edward: You're not Asian!!!!

That's true, Asians are really into brands. But to call me "not Asian"? Hmm~ meh~ I just can't see the worth in spending an excess amount of money on branded stuff. Despite the quality.

I want a DS so bad right now.