There's nothing like a parent to remind you that you're a worthless and talentless piece of shit. My computer is confiscated. My parents might divorce. I'm not getting anywhere. She even had the guts to bring up Emmy. I feel like...fuck, I don't even know how I feel. Maybe like, when someone is drowning and their lungs are filled with saline water and there's this last second of consciousness...it kind of feels like that, but perpetually. A very very long second. Like everything is just too fucking overwhelming and getting to me all at once and I just feel like breaking but instead and take it all and struggle to stay in one piece because that's what's expected of me. Because when I cry she yells and it makes me cry more so she yells louder.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to buy a yellow umbrella, just like in Harold and Maude.

I was at Wal-Mart while mom got her hair done, and I was looking at the toys (how did you think I built that Pokemon collection?) when I saw the new Bratz dolls. The new male Bratz dolls. I lol'ed for a good five minutes when I spotted one with questionable virility and a haircut/chin reminescent of none other than Morrissey. I should have bought it, it was epic. Since it was a Bratz Kidz (I think?) I could have named it Jesse-aka-miniMoz. It would have been perfect.

I believe that lovers should be tied together
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
Left there to drown
Left there to drown
In their innocence

Last night I decided I was being delusional. I like that word, "delusional". I remember JK Rowling using it to describe the Harry/Hermione shippers. Delusional. Seeing things that aren't there. Life is not a script, there's no subtext. There's just what actions show and what is not shown, well, doesn't exist. It's, as they say, "all in good fun". So I'll keep doing what I do best - pretending everything is one big joke and taking whatever I can get from it. Not that I'm complaining! I live in a nice little bubble, all comfy and warm and full of sugar-coated fanfiction that is anything but harmful. Have fun in the real world, I like Long Island bandporn better.

I finally got around coding my portfolio; I found a nice template for a start, so that gives me more time to work on the graphics...how about a Flash banner? Could look nice.

*WARNING* EXTREME Cap Lock ahead:

I FINALLY HAVE MY RADIO:ACTIVE ALBUM!!!!
N THE CD IS IN YELLOW!! MY FAVE COLOUR OF ALL COLORS =]
ITS FATE... HAHA

Why all this death everywhere? I know it's summer and you're all bored and such, but please, can't we all just be happy?

I had a great day today, even though I would've been happier doing what I had previously planned this weekend. Uhuh. The Vikinga Market was fun, but I didn't have any money so I couldn't buy anything. I found a really neat necklace with a bird in a cage, but it costed too much and mom wouldn't buy it for me.

It's been hot for days now! I normally don't really mind the sun and nice wheater, but when it's hot and sunny for days & days I begin to get a little tired of it. It's not fun having to shower everyday, especially not when you have to do it at mom's because you can't shower at your own place. Annoying, yes.

I've seen three movies this week. The Dark Kinght on Saturday, which was excellent, Mamma Mia! on Monday, which was fine, but quite dissapointing, and The X-Files 2: I Want to Believe today.

TDK + MM < XF2, WITHOUT. A FUCKING. QUESTION.

note: i re-posted this because my first one got messed up, i think.

( MY REVIEW. LET THE FLAIL AND SPOILERS BEGIN. )

*breathes*

That was one of the longest 2.5hrs spent in the movies EVER.
Got me nauseated at one point and even a slight headache after that.
But thankfully, dearest was there to get rid of those unwanted feelings. :)))

Yes dear, we shall re-watch it again at watch-movies.net sometime next week, okays?

Update! So I am now in London. The weather is so beautiful here! Not too warm, and not too cold, but that will probably change within 2-4 hours. It is very unpredictable! So guess what guys, I won an icon contest at Amelie's amazing community Macarons, I can post there for 1 week!! And I'm also Saturday Social's member of the month! So I recieve posting access for 2 weeks!! feel really blessed! Now, If you aren't a member of both communities, please do join! Without further ado, I present to you, the first of many, and I assure you MANY icon posts!

I'm listening to Straylight Run while I eat vegetable chips. Fucking vegetable chips. That's like, dried vegetables. Beans, sweet potatoes, eggplants. I should probably make public apologies to Cath, who I mocked for drinking herbal tea. I might as well buy a pair of moccassins and adopt a baby goat. Being eighteen doesn't do me any good.

I'm slightly (okay, very) offended by how David starts his questions with "do you still...?" like I'm statistically unable to be stable with anything. I'm ike, stability itself. The poster girl for commitment. Okay, far from it - but it's still horribly insulting! Exactly a year ago I realized there was still something alive and beating inside my chest and then BAM! things got really screwed up and they keep going into that general direction of screwed up-ness (think broken dam and river-to-waterfall kind of analogy) and seriously, can you blame me for being confused? There's nothing more depressing then being asked about things so casually, so mockingly, when you've spent so much time trying to figure it out and deal with it. Seriously. So fuck you, Dave. Why do I even tell him these things? He sucks at relationships even more than I do. He's the emo version of Brian Kinney. Who is he kidding.

Tonight I'm having a love affair with Facebook. I found the most amazing groups ever: "I Want To Have Sex With Jesse Lacey While He Sings To Me", "I Love Brand New So Much, I Named My Shoes Jesse Lacey", "All I Have To Say Is, Jesse Lacey", and my personal favorite, "Jesse Lacey probably has hot buttsex with Kevin Devine and I'm okay with it", which I joined. I also found "People for Beautiful Music (aka, we all want to have sex with Conor Oberst)", "I Find the Resemblance Between Emo Spiderman and Conor Oberst Scary", "The acoustic guitar was invented so Conor Oberst could play it", "I don't care if he's a woman, I love Conor Oberst" and "Petition to give Conor Oberst a hug". All very entertaining.

I need to find a pair of pants and a pillow. Soon.

We just got to Seattle for NIN. Still no computer.

Okay so I am about to sound soo srs bsns but...
As some of you might know, Michael Cera came to my dad's restaurant today.
My sister came into my dad's office where I was sitting at the computer (on Twatlight of course). She was freaking out b/c she thought she saw Mikey C. false alarm. She leaves and comes back a minute later totally calm and says that it really is him. I was all stop lying foo' and checked the ~security cameras~ it was indeed him, wearing a green t-shirt. My first thought? OMG MICHEAL CERA! Second thought post to twatlight (because ilu bbs). I had to pee so I went to the bathroom and hit a little girl with the door and went to tell my sister. When I am at my dad's restaurant everything seems to be funny/make me and sten laugh. My sister just finishing taking his order (he was sitting at the counter) he smiled at me as if I was about to say hi. I smiled back and then totally ignored him and told sten about how I almost killed a 3 yr old. I felt totally rude afterward b/c my dad told him about me and my sister so he knew about me and how I am my dad's daughter. It was just so weird and I was way to nervous to do anything and when I was about to go and say hi and ask him for a picture he was walking out the door. I felt horrible. I should have talked to him but I was srsly so fucking nervous. :( Hopefully he comes again. OMG NO I JUST REMEMBERED I AM GOING TO KOSOVO ON MONDAY FOR TWO WEEKS!!! NOOOO!!
WHOA LONG POST. Sorry guys.
BTW He is so cute.

I'VE ALMOST SURVIVED TWO WEEEEEEEEKS!!
this week flew by pretty quickly anyway. and i think it is because i was recovering from hangovers 3 times this week. and i made new friends! :D happyhappy.
okay shit. and then now i realise i actually spent a lot of money this week as well. ohno.
so, TMY is coming back on tuesdayyyy. so i gotta get through the weekend, settle banking and mail stuff on monday, and by the time i wake up on tuesday, get some food and its the airrrrrrport!! haha, okay. was rather excitied! but TMY isnt. -.-
okay, there better not be any changes in your air ticket or obviously i'm going to get damn pissed.
edinburgh next thurs and i have mixed emotions about it.
 
ANYWAY, purpose of today's post is to share some entertainment. the way girls squeeeeeeze their boobies for men these days. chicken fillets, nubra AS FILLETS, scotchtape, AND STILL NOT ENOUGH. after watching the episode, i think i too now have hope in squeezing out some cleavage. LOL. why is it that only girls with MAJORLY OBVIOUS BOOBIES are considered beautiful! *shakes head*

女人我最大, 2307
watch part 1 and 2 will do!
http://www.xiaoli.cc/video/detail/665/xI0ktrIYkYI0

ohman, i really want people like isaac to watch but i doubt he'd understand the chinese. why no english subs!! hah

"oh my god cassie, write something and post it already!"

sorry! writer's block is a bitch. but my lj looked dead. and i'm bored. so here's a random post for you.

~ i'm not dying. i'm just a dumbass probably. ha. but yeah, went to the doctor yesterday, nothing physically wrong with me. so yay. one less thing to worry about.

~ school starts back august 5th. cassie will be a senior. oh no! i don't want to start my last year yet! but i do want summer to end, its boring. and i seem to be able to write better at school when i should be working than i can at home with nothing to do.

~ really need to get my schedule for my classes at the local college. if they don't send it within the next week i'm gonna have to go down there and see what the hell is going on. plus i don't know when those classes start. i know its after the high school starts, but i don't know the exact date

~ still having money problems. and i have to go buy school clothes & shit like notebooks & sharpies & stuff. (yes, sharpies are an essential for school. ... don't judge me!)

~ going to get my hair cut & colored thursday. yay-ness. i'm getting red streaks again, and i'm gonna get it really short again. can't wait!

~ uh... guess thats it xD. i promise i'll get something productive done soon!

OHMYGOD. I have my first big job/project. Adina Adina Adina, you are my new goddess! I accepted to do it for free because it's my first commercial website, and it's going to be EVERYWHERE. Oh my god. I need to finish my portfolio by next Thursday so I have a homepage. WORK NOW!

Survival kit:
- oatmeal cookies with raisins
- Long Island bandporn music (Brand New, Straylight Run, Taking Back Sunday)
- patience

I was looking at Kevine Devine's website. If you check out 'WarMaking 2005', the last work (a collage) is something I'm absolutely in love with in a "wish I'd thought of it" way. It's called "Garden of Forking Paths" and I'm jealous. There you go.

I was looking for Jesse + tambourine videos or pictures or virtually anything (WHICH I FOUND), and ended up finding a preview of a new Brand New song/idea in the works and omg do I love this man (and his plaid shirt, and the way he sways when he plays guitar, and how he closes his eyes when he sings, and his screaming, and...) If he ever got close to him I'd probably come up with something as stupid as "do you still live with your parents?" and make it sound like an invitation to elope and live in a stupid house in a stupid part of the province. I'd settle down for a guy in a plaid shirt. I admit it. Committed to the plaid.

I also really want this shirt. If I order everything I want, it's 18$ + 24$ + 12$ + shipping, total being over 54$, more like 70$, which isn't that bad. I know I've been all "I need to buy less t-shirts" lately, but my Warped shopping spree changed everything. And besides, there's nothung better than cute people saying "I like your shirt" when they really mean "we like the same band".

Holy fuck, Belle & Sebastian covered "The Boy With The Thorn In His Side". I LOVE YOU LIMEWIRE. <333

I went out to buy food with my mom and came back with a huge metallic inflatable unicorn head. We also stopped to get our NYC tickets. I snagged a booklet about Australia just because it has the most adorable picture of koalas I'd ever seen on the cover. So yeah, I know I'm supposed to get married in Disney World (or Disneyland, it's closer to AFI!) but I could always spend half of the honeymoon in Australia and the other half in Japan, yo.

I wrote more postcards than hooks
I read more maps than books
Feel like every chance to leave
is another chance I should have took

I don't know whether I was dreaming or awake, but I felt horrible pain in my left ear and jaw, kind of an otitis + hurting wisdom teeth combo. I'm pretty sure I passed out because you can't just fall asleep normally after feeling that. That makes it the third time I wake up crying in the past month. Now I'm starting to wonder if I haven't been cursed. No, seriously. I was Wiccan for enough years to know about these things. I think I have a spell to find out whether or not I'm under a curse. Call me crazy or supersticious, but I'm going to try it. It's not normal to have such realistic dreams and to feel so much pain for no medical reason. Can't be all psychological, can it? Ugh. If it is, I'm more fucked than I thought.

In slightly more sane-sounding news, I'm thinking of buying this shirt (obviously) and this shirt as well. Approval pls? I'll probably end up making a custom Bright Eyes t-shirt this year; I just need the patience to work on a design. From there Adina can tell me how to get it done. She wants to go to Concordia, mwaha. And she wants to become a band manager! We could totally team up. Yesss.

William Beckett is ridiculously cute. Not hot, not pretty, not sexy, not beautiful. Well, maybe he is, but it's not what I'm talking about. He's CUTE. He makes the cutest faces ever. Gah. Goal in life: get to talk to him again, face to face this time. Headlining tour in the fall, I heard? Be there be there be there.

Guess the thing I'm trying to tell you
is that it's best kid if you're true blue.