....I will have a real update tomorrow, once I find out about the Austin job I am pretty sure I am not going to get...

Got this 10 things from Yukie.  Thought I'd give it a whirl.

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

01✖ Take me back to Japan! I want to live with you guys again, as a real roomie!

02✖ I dunno if I'm ready to go that far with you...but I'm afraid that I have already gotten your hopes up.

03✖ Please go see a doctor. I know you feel healthy, but I worry that it will all come crashing down if you don't change your habits.

04✖ I really have trouble respecting you anymore. You're more f**ked up and I don't understand your popularity. You remind me a lot of someone else over there...

05✖ Please help me get closer to you?

06✖ I am not going to pursue public school education as a career. Drop it now.

07✖ If you want me that badly, are you willing to accept the reality that I need to be pampered good and proper? I'm expensive.

08✖ This thing that's being planned isn't all about you. So stop making it seem that way.

09✖ How come you never do these sorts of things for me?

10✖ I wish you'd tell me what you want for your birthday.

 

09 things about yourself:

01✖ I love cats and dislike children.

02✖ My favorite snack is Haribo Gold gummi bears and salad Pretz.

03✖ I used to play piano, but always was scolded for being too whimsical and only playing the things I wanted.

04✖ I am a very jealous person.

05✖ I have terrible, horrible vision. Seriously.

06✖ I love surprises and presents. <3

07✖ I have a soft spot for older men who are fatherly figures with glasses and ambiguous alliances.

08✖ I am a total slob.

09✖ I love, love taking Benedryl pills. It clears up my face and helps me sleep. <3

 

08 ways to win your heart

01✖ Being adventurous.

02✖ Buying me treats. <3 (I am a material girl~)

03✖ An appreciation for health.

04✖ Doesn't let others do the thinking for them. (You slaves of the mass media!)

05✖ Cares about personal appearance, willing to have some sense of style.

06✖ Loves Billy Joel.

07✖ Will read my writing.

08✖ Must. Love. CATS.

 

07 things that cross your mind a lot

01✖ "I need to record."

02✖ "I need to find more ways to make some money."

03✖ “Ooh, I wanna buy that..."

04✖ “<censored for children>"

05✖ “Can I get a little credit here?"

06✖ “Kyuchan/Priss!!!! <3 <3 <3"

07✖ “I need to lose more weight/tone up more."

 

06 things you do before you fall asleep

01✖ Check e-mail.

02✖ Get Kyuchan in bed with me.

03✖ Brush teeth

04✖ Talk on the phone/Skype with someone.

05✖ Set alarm clock.

06✖ Get a drink.

 

05 people who mean a lot

01✖ Julie (annelise13 )

02✖ Tiffany ( tigtogtiffy )

03✖ Billy (madtexan )

04✖ Shawn (corvus_rex )

05✖ Lucien (and Cody! Must do six! Sorry!!)

 

04 things you're wearing right now

01✖ Panties.

02✖ T-shirt

03✖ Contacts

04✖ Nailpolish

 

03 songs that you listen to often (currently)

01✖ Zanzibar by Billy Joel

02✖ Bend and Break by Keane

03✖ Allegro Cantabile by Suemitsu and the SUEMITH

 

02 things you want to do before you die

01✖ Create a gigantic kitty no-kill shelter.

02✖ Travel and shop throughout all of Asia and Europe.

01 confession

01✖ I have wanted to end my life three times since I moved back from Japan. But luckily, I am too frightened and love my kitties too much to ever do anything about that.

Crisis averted from my last post, though I had to do a system restore. At least I didn't lose anything important. Scanning every couple of days though to make sure I don't get a repeat issue.

Not much else going on, have three tests like I said before, one in Soils and then Japanese tests the other two school days. I think after that I'll go and catch up on watching and all.

I have taken on a second job at an accessories store, but it's about 10 miles from where I live and they are only giving me six-hour shifts at a measly $7 an hour. I figure this could at least keep me busy and hold me over until I find something better, as I don't have to give a lot of notice should I decide to quit.

This pisses off my parents for some reason--s'not like I'm still not looking, and I still have an inkling of hope for the Austin job yet...and even so, the important thing is I am still looking. I am still working at ULTA too, but they are giving me lame 4-hour shifts only a few times a week too. So they're both coming out about the same.

Thoughts?

Poll #1275634 Should Melissa just work ULTA for now?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What should I do?

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT CLICK ON ANY POPUP OR LINK THAT ASKS YOU TO UPDATE TO "(NORTONS) ANTIVIRUS 2009"!!!!(not even to click the 'no' button!!)

If you get such a popup, either scan your computer or look for how to get rid of the possible trojan program that could allow the virus to get in your computer. This is instructions to get rid of it if installed(or you can do a search of your own).

Stupid me didn't know about this nasty virus and clicked on what I thought was a valid update. I knew something was up when my computer started locking up after it rebooted, no matter what I did. So now instead of playing games or taking a fun break off from homework like I originally planned, I have to use my brother's computer and try to fix my computer. I'm talking to a friend in KY who helped me tons while I was there, and he's gonna help me tomorrow more. Hopefully I can get out of this without having to spend tons of money. -__________-

After this, then I have three tests next week, one in soils and two in Japanese... :/

So I finally called the place I interviewed at, seeing what is taking them so long to get back to me. Turns out they interviewed someone after me that they liked a little bit more, so they are giving them a second interview first, and then will get back with me on Monday after that interview takes place.

In the meantime, I am going to take a position with Charming Charlie's over at the Rim to keep me busy. The orientation is tomorrow and I will ask all the questions/give all my necessary demands for employment so I make sure it's worth my gas money. Sigh.

Tonight and tomorrow I will be putting in more job applications. I would really love to have that one job, but I can't take my chances, can I? Damn it. I wish something would give a little.

McCain's 'Keating Five' scandal documentary(courtesy of the Obama campaign), for which he was the most involved(via his wife) but got only a vocal reprimand. Something I'm surprised wasn't covered until now, but I guess both parties in all campaigns are starting to do the really nasty crap-slinging for the next month. Must remember to mute my tv on commercials now... -_-



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Other news is school is going well, though being really busy. Managed to eke out a B on my Radioactivity test, but have two tests right away next week again, on top of the homework from Soils lab and Japanese. Maybe after that I can begin my watching once more, but more then likely then I'll be saddled with more homework to do. :/ It's fun and something I wanted to do once again, but it just seems cumbersome to do all the work.

I did get to watch the 1900 Galveston Hurricane special on the weather channel last night, was really interesting to watch, but I still have to question why people would want to live on barrier islands. They're perhaps a few feet above sea level, mostly made of sand that easily erodes(no matter how much concrete and buildings you slop on top of them), and they're mostly to protect mainland coasts until they migrate towards the coast. New Orleans perhaps I can understand because most of the levees are stronger post-Katrina, but until they put more stock in replenishing the wetlands to keep the delta-land from sinking, it's not entirely safe either. But barrier islands, as the 1900 Galveston hurricane and Ike last month showed, are not safe to build on, esp in a hurricane- and major-storm-prone environment. It's like people who build their homes on CA Pacific coastlines and then wonder why the homes eventually fall into the ocean when storms undercut the cliff sides.

I'm seriously, seriously getting fed up. I am frustrated, and I don't know what at specifically--I am so very busy, but at the same time, I am accomplishing nothing. I have yet to hear back about that job interview--come Tuesday, I will be calling them and seeing what the big deal is--but I fear the worst at this point. Which is a crying shame, because the interview went so well--I thought I had finally gotten something!

Ah well, back to the job hunt, I suppose.

Additionally, I'm continuing that horrible struggle with my own sense of self-worth. I come off as so confident and certain of everything--and I usually am. But when I find myself not being busy, I start doubting myself--why aren't I busy? I'm better than this, I can do anything! I've never struggled to find work before, and even with the onslaught of voice-acting work I am doing, only 5-10% of it is paying me. For the longest time, all I needed to be happy with the voice acting was a sense of a job well done--but lately, all of the personal drama going on with people over there--all of which has nothing to do with me--has been wearing and tearing on me.

When I was in Japan, when I was working a great deal--it was so easy to separate myself and realize that the VAA is a miniscule part of who I am--in fact, it's not even all that much of who I am at all--it's a vehicle for my creativity, and now it's starting to make me cranky. I start taking it out on people who have nothing to do with the problems either.

It's that paradox of wanting to be included, but wanting to remain independent. I have always taken such great care to avoid being part of any clique on the VAA. Mainly because I fear it would limit me as an actress, and I don't want to have any "friends" cater to me in receiving any of the roles I get. It makes me happy to feel that I have earned each and every single role I have been given--including those that have precast me as something. I know for certain that it has never been because I sucked up to someone. It's always because I have annoyed them until they give it to me coughMisaHayasecoughcough.

But...that feeling of being an outsider with everyone starts to wear and tear on you after a while. People I thought were bosom friends blow me off for people that are willing to make that step and take that risk into joining a clique (note that I mention cliques here without any negative tone--I think it takes a brave person to fork over that trust with a group of people). It hurts a lot, that feeling of being so low on the totem pole--that feeling of not belonging anywhere.

It wouldn't be so unbearable if I had a circle of bosom friends available to me in real life right now. At work I have a few girls I get along with, but I am most certainly not part of any of the cliques that have formed. I am one of their top employees, I am their Head Prestige Consultant, but I am most definitely independent there, as much as I love Lehua and Stacy to death, we're never around at the same time to develop that bond...althoug Lehua and I have exchanged phone numbers and have texted a few times. All of my inner circle is in Austin, and it's taking me forever and a half to finally lock a job up there. But I will keep trying. It's just so tiring having this feeling of loneliness, although I am in a country where I speak the language fluently and there really shouldn't be any sort of barrier between me and having a healthy social life right now!

I want someone to gush to--someone to talk to about Gossip Girl and Project Runway. Someone who can squee over HRG from Heroes with me, someone who loves to shop like me...someone who loves to be adventurous and try new things. Someone who cares about their health and appearance like I do...they all don't have to be the same person. In fact, I want a group of people. I want that inner circle. I want those friends who can help me not sweat this small stuff.

I need a life. A real life.

Okay, time to move on from my adoooorable PreCure 5 layout to something more...erm...universal.

But now I need icons. Help! Not too much anime stuff, please. Things like the icon I have here are great, and I know I want at least one Cuddy icon, one Blair icon...