Will Porter/Various 2/025. Longing
Title: Understanding
Character: Will Porter
Prompt Set: Various 2
Prompt: 025. Longing
Rating/Warnings: PG
Author's Notes: Shy and Will have a late night talk.


The light was on in the living room. Will knew that meant one thing: Shy was up again. Blinking at the clock, he saw that it was a little before three o'clock in the morning and wondered what was bothering the kid tonight. He had to get up to go to the bathroom, anyway, so he might as well see if Shy was battling insomnia or simply wanted to play another tennis match on his Wii. Will couldn't help smiling as he thought about what had happened the last time he'd interrupted one of Shy's games. Despite the wake up call he'd received, he'd started seeing Shy in a different light and actually found himself respecting him a little more. It was this thought he had in mind when he headed out of the bathroom and into the living room. Instead of seeing their boy playing his videogame, however, he saw Shy curled up on the sofa, his head on his knees, shoulders shaking as he cried. Will didn't know what could be wrong, but he wanted to find out.

Without a word, he took seat on the couch next to the boy. Startled, Shy jumped and raised his head.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Will asked, putting a hand on Shy's knee.

"Nothing," Shy said quickly, wiping at his face as if to banish the evidence of his tears. "Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't," Will assured him. "I had to use the little lumberjack's room." He smiled and wiped away a trace of tears that Shy had missed.

"Oh, okay," Shy said with a sniffle.

"So, what's up?" Will asked again.

"Nothing." Shy eyes started to water again as he said it, and he leaned his head against Will's shoulder. "I'm a horrible person, that's all."

"No, you're not," Will shushed him, stroking his hair. "You're one of the sweetest people I know. Try again."

"I'm serious, Will," was the firm response. It made Will frown because he rarely heard Shy this serious when he wasn't angry. But he didn't sound angry. He sounded hurt.

"Is it something to do with me? Are you upset about the other day?"

Please say no.

"No, that's not it," Shy said, much to Will's relief. "It's something I've done."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Shy started crying again and a momentary look of panic flickered across Will's face. "Oh, baby, what is it?"

"I...I d-don't want you to kill me..." Shy said softly.

Will hugged him closer and kissed his hair. "There will be no killing. I promise."

Shy slipped an arm around Will's waist and hugged him silently for a few long moments. It was enough time for Will to wonder if the kid had decided to leave again. Just as he was about to ask, Shy raised his head and looked at Will with the most mournful expression he'd ever seen on his face.

"I have feelings for someone besides Orli," Shy said softly. "And you," he added.

Will wanted to say, "You have feelings for me?" but that thought was fleeting once he focused on the first part of that statement. He'd thought he'd feel anger at those words, but what he mainly felt was disappointment.

"And you want to leave us for this other person?" Will asked softly.

"What? No," Shy said quickly. It wasn't until that moment that he knew how much he wanted to stay right where he was. "I just... I feel awful. I promised Orlando he'd be the only one I love and I've gone and fallen for someone else, too."

Will wasn't sure what to say to that. He wondered who it could be and how Shy could want anyone besides Orli. That might have seemed ridiculous in light of how jealous Will had been about Shy before, or how his own feelings for the younger man were growing, but his husband was a point of pride with him. Damn it, if anyone was going to love Orli, they should only love him, period.

"Go on. Say it," Shy said, breaking through Will's thoughts.

"Say what?"

"Whatever that face you're making means." Shy sat all the way up, the sadness in his eyes replaced by defiance. "Tell me I'm a horrible person for loving two people but only being with one."

Will opened his mouth to speak. He was going to tell Shy that maybe he was being unfair to both himself and the person he wasn't with. Instead, he said, "I've done the same thing."

The surprise on Shy's face made Will smile, and he gave his leg a squeeze. Shy didn't have to ask Will to continue. The question in his eyes made it clear he wanted details.

"When Orli and I were first engaged, we met one of the most incredible people we could ever hope to meet."

"That other guy you and Orli told me about?" Shy asked in a small voice.

"Uh huh," Will nodded. "I fell in love with him. I still love him. But we aren't together because he can't be with us all the time."

"I remember you telling me about him," Shy nodded, "but I didn't think you still loved him like that." At Will's nod, Shy frowned. "There's a difference, though. I can be with this guy if I wanted. I just... I can't help missing him, but it's not enough to make me leave Orli. Should I just stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Loving him. Should I just stop?" Shy repeated.

The question made Will smile in spite of himself. "Is that possible?"

"I dunno. Can you just stop loving someone else?"

"I don't think so," Will said gently gently. ""And the fact that you're having trouble with this is proof."

Shy sighed and leaned against Will again. "What should I do?"

"Be honest with Orli. No matter how much you think it's going to hurt him, keeping the truth from him is worse."

"Are you sure about that?" Shy looked skeptical. "What if he gets mad?"

"Then let him get mad. And you show him that you're not going to let that stop you from loving him."

Shy snorted. "It'll take a lot more than him yelling at me to make me stop."

Will smiled at that and stroked Shy's hair. "Honey, what is it about this other person that made you fall in love?"

"It's when I took my break from you guys," Shy admitted. "I met him online and we started talking and..." Shy sighed. "God, he's lovely, Will. He reminds me of Orli in so many ways, but there are different things about them both that I love and admire. I never thought in a million years he'd want me. I started talking to him because I needed some advice and things just went from there."

Will frowned. "Wait a minute. Is it the guy I saw you flirting with online?"

Shy swallowed hard. "Yes," he said, his voice very small.

"Are you sure it's love and not just infatuation?"

"Are you?" Shy countered. "Why do you think you love me? You're just in love with the fact that I look like the guy you already love."

"Shy, you make Orli very happy, and when you weren't here, I missed you almost as badly as he did."

"That's how I feel about Tom." Shy chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before continuing. "And I feel like shit because I had to make a choice that I knew would hurt him. Plus, if I tell Orli--"

"When you tell Orli," Will corrected him.

"When I tell Orli, I'm going to hurt him, too." He paused and nuzzled Will's neck. "Are you sure I have to tell him?"

"Honey, if he ever found out about it and knew that I knew, he'd be a lot more upset. Trust me on this."

There were a few minutes of silence before Shy sniffed and cuddled closer to Will. "Do you mind if we just sit here a little longer?"

"Of course not," Will murmured, stroking Shy's hair.

"And will you still like me even after Orli hates me?"

Will tsked and gave Shy a gentle kiss to the temple. "Baby, there is nothing in this world that could ever make Orlando hate you. Have a little faith in him, all right?"

Shy nodded. "I will."