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[26 Jul 2008|04:21pm] cbauman I'm cool with writing things in public. I've ran this blog for sometime. And I'm writing for numerous places. I'm just not cool with who I was in the past. Things change. People change. Ideas change. I've fought, and I'm still fighting, to make things better and the last thing I need is my past coming up and making things worse. The point is, there are things archived on this journal I no longer believe in. They're not who I am. At the same time, I like to keep the "back in the day" things in my life around for me to look back on. So I'm going to start fresh with this journal. I'm just going to give you guys fresh stuff that's on my mind. I want to take my old entries and make them private. Maybe I'll share somethings from back then, but for the most part much of my old stuff is corny anyways. I'm a writer of a much stronger caliber and I'd rather be associated with what I do now. 1: bleeding words

The Wait Is Over [26 Jul 2008|03:27pm] 72love I waited and I watched. Food Battle 2008 is depressing. I wanted Anthony to win, but no... Ian had to take everything with his pink donut! Man! Anthony's churros should have won. Well now after the wait .. It's 3:23 in the morning and the same old.. my eyes aren't shut yet. Fuck feelings that make me stay up all night leaving me to think of nothing but reality. I need my dreams back God.. please give it back. I want my happy moments again. Where have they gone? words

Waiting [26 Jul 2008|01:51pm] 72love I'm staying up because I can't sleep. Now I'm just waiting for the Smosh video to come out. FOOD BATTLE 2008! I want Anthony Padilla to win! hahahaha!!! I'm also waiting for it to be six in the morning so I can go across to Ateneo and run for a while. My head hurts from irregular sleeping of two days. Two hours of fucking sleep? What the hell has gotten into me. That's why I'm blogging haha I would write you all poetry to whoever's reading but hell I can't even think straight. So if anyone reads this and wants to go running with me at six in the morning in Ateneo, you're welcome to join me, but I'm pretty angry at myself in a thousand ways then one so I'm going all out tomorrow. That means I'm not going to stop until I pass out or something. words

[26 Jul 2008|01:38pm] girlbleeding [ mood | calm ] So. A random number called my cell and I answered it, simply because the call said it was from New Jersey and I'm in full TH concert fangirl mode. Turns out, the insurance on my car is almost up! Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, I don't HAVE a car. But, thanks random recorded message! :-P words

The things you do when you can't sleep. [26 Jul 2008|05:07am] girlbleeding [ mood | exhausted ] Like, I don't know, patrol the Tokio Hotel America message boards about the NJ concert. LOLZ! Apparently, there is a fanaction in place for the NJ Tokio Hotel concert and I am SO joining in if it actually happens. It's fairly simple. For schreitokiolove and cinniminjade's benefit, it basically consists of a piece of black paper with Bill's star drawn on it in either silver sharpie, or glitter, if you prefer. We'll then hold it up during "1000 Oceans". If they happen to NOT play that song, we'll hold it up during the encore. LOL! It's so doofy but, I don't care. If it happens, I want in, simple as that. I even have a picture of Bill's star and I plan to get black paper and glitter with my next paycheck. XD Apparently, people on the boards are bringing supplies so, if I can't get it, I won't worry. But, I kind of want to be as fangirly as possible and get the stuff myself. XD And do you know WHY Bill's star? Because it's at the STARland Ballroom. DUR!!! *is astounded by the geekery* Plus, we're hoping Bill will be awed and do a shirtlift. Call us optimistic. XD Anyhoo, besides that, I also found a PDF on the boards for flyers they would like people to pass out promoting the board. I'll see about that and I'll post the PDF if anyone's interested. Just let me know. XD So, there ya go. That's just an example of stupid effin' things you do at almost 5 in the morning when you are having problems sleeping. Luckily, NOW I'm exhausted and incoherent so, yes, time for bed. Also, if I wasn't excited about the concert before, I am now officially so excited I feel like bouncing around my room like an idiot to "Pocketful of Sunshine". ARGH!!! WHY CAN'T IT BE CONCERT TIME NAU!!! *headdesk* 4: bleeding words

prattle prattle prattle about a most fantastic visit [26 Jul 2008|02:49am] deadskie13 [ mood | okay ] [ music | Black Math--The White Stripes ] Lots of fun things occured while John was visiting. And what I mean is, everyone did a whole lot of nothing. We just sat around and were a family, and it was very very nice. I miss doing such things. A lot. Simple things, like sitting in the same room with someone, and conversing--or, not saying anything at all. Living with my mom and Grandmother is a lot like living by myself. This isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, so much the way in which things are. And at any rate, I like it lots when people visit--you'd think that I wouldn't, but I do. When other people are around, it takes a bit of the pressure off. It isn't just me and them, I mean--it's a whole lot of everyone, instead. And so I'm not quite so antsy. I find myself not needing to check and double check things quite so much. I'm not so worried about the oven or the door, or any number of little things that are plugged in. I don't worry about everything going wrong and adding up--I don't give myself the luxery of driving myself nuts. I think the reason being is, is that other people force me to live in the present-tense. Figure I can worry about all that other stuff, later. But when you have someone about who you haven't seen in so very long--well, for that moment in time, they're all that matters. And it's just great, really. How those who mean the most can give you a reason to live, simply by existing. And it's quite nice to forget about yourself, too. Sometimes, I need a diversion from myself. At the same time, I hate it when people visit, because it always means that they're going to leave. Always always always. And so for a brief moment in time I was contemplating the thoughts of a five-year-old, and I thought it would be quite great if John forgot something--something of importance, that way he'd have to come back. But then again, I didn't want him to have to back-track, and I didn't want to have to go to the post office, either. (God, that would be the most depressing trip ever. To go to the post office all alone, with nothing but his name and address scribbled upon some box.) And anyways, he didn't forget anything. ( What happens when nothing happens at all. ) 2: bleeding words

msn conversation [26 Jul 2008|11:03am] leejean Thinking back, the 2 face pics he offered must be 2 different persons. The first teeny little one is of an older guy - fair and quite dishy in a responsible husband kind of way. The second one is a teeny bit bigger but the guy is younger and tanned, all chin and teeth but obviously tried hard with his hair.  There's no picture in the profile, and lots of 'prefer not to say'. Must be another one of those discreet type. Of course the pics and profile were reluctantly given up. I suppose a couple can be together 10years and agreed to hunt separately from the beginning. It's also possible that they'd use condom each and every time they have penetrative sex with others and with each other. Unfortunately the guy logged off before I could pump for more information.  I need more practice leading people on. words

Been a while [25 Jul 2008|11:29pm] frostbite02 Wow I havent posted in a while. Well whats new? My computer crashed....so I'm now dependant on my sisters computer. My Sara has come back online. (God I've missed her) and I've been rping like mad. I'm still on the job hunt...blah and I still havent found anything. (Wal-mart didnt work out so well) Personally I'm in between feeling like shit and being completely happy that I'm talking with Sara again, I completely adore her, and I dunno I guess I dont express it that much but I do. I love her. I would do anything for her, god I love her. And lets get off that topic...before I start talking about how much I want to -show- her how much I love her. I'm watching Blade Trinity and ugh Ryan Reynolds is so hot... I want to eat him up mmmmmmmm chicken wings. words

[25 Jul 2008|06:30pm] byondbordm so my jumpstart interview went really well except for the fact that im not work study which means i dont get paid, so the dude is worried about the time commitment and no salary. im hoping i can find a way to work it into my schedule. i got offered an internship at make a wish that im going to do for the rest of summer. i have two interviews next week. one for the bookstore. one for the preschool at csun. (i think i may have messed that one up from the phone conversation) ortho appointment thursday morning. hopefully i will keep my retainer in for the rest of the week and not let them know that i dont wear it. words

[26 Jul 2008|07:17am] leejean What kind of person would hit a child, or old person, or ...well, hit someone else? Is it still a person? 1: bleeding words

Warped in the rain..... [25 Jul 2008|05:10pm] takingbacktyler [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Permanent Holiday-Bulding a catastraphy ] i went to warped tour.  pretty sweet if i do say so myself. it rained alot and we were in a tornado warning. but the show stops for noone. We got backstage, Pretty sweet. The empty space is left from where i went away The pages are left blank full of things i wanted to say The cards are left on the table and the lights were left on The nights cold air slips down my throat where was i when i was gone Where do the good boys go when its time to see another side Where do the victims go who face adversity and social pesticides We raised our fists eyes in a trance The rain fell and we all did our dance The sun never broke and we were content To find the solutions to the solution we seemed hell bent The thunder made a thunderous cry Even the trees that stand mighty have to die As the water drips down our face and falls to the ground We live for a moment but a moment without sound The birds stop chirping and the thunder gives way The trees stop and whats left is a light sway The air becomes heavy so tense indeed A thousand supressed faces face reality with a seige In this moment time stands still In this moment we dont know the word kill In this moment we dont fear or despise This moment lives in a childs eyes  words

[26 Jul 2008|01:48am] memai69 [ music | L'Arc~en~Ciel - Yuki no Ashiato. ] đúng đúng kẻ nhát gan là tao đây. 2: bleeding words

moments in existence [25 Jul 2008|11:15am] mattbdat [ mood | aggravated ] exist to fail or fail to exist never trust anyone, ever, for any reason trust little people even less, they are hard to follow i followed a rabbit down a hole and found a tea party. the tea was laced with something. everyone staggered, swayed and was eventually discovered behind the gun store naked and bleeding. its 11ish i need a drink words

The Finished Product [25 Jul 2008|09:38am] spyderzero So that's the finished stereo/Zune thing. The pictures and everything are here Enjoy! words

Tomorrow night at Slimes! [25 Jul 2008|03:31pm] alixandrea [ mood | excited ] Don't forget you can buy tickets at a special knock-down price of just £7.50 by visiting http://www.texaschainsaw.co.uk/ 3: bleeding words

God Is In The Rain [27 Jul 2008|04:38am] nemoria [ mood | cheerful ] *sigh* i cannot being to express how much i love the rain, and what it does to my soul. I feel clean, and refreshed, and relaxed, and all those other things that i have not felt in months. And while i am sure that the good things happening to me are not brought by the rain, I cant help but feeling that they are gifts to me. As soon as the rain started many good things happened. Shit and its only been raining for a day and a half. I went to the house that we are planning to buy with our family friend (and contractor) so that he could take a look at it and let me know if it was in too bad of shape for us to take on. He said absolutely not. The only real problem is with the foundation, and its only going to take $15 - 20K to fix it. Which is AWESOME! i thought it was going to be at least $50K to get it done. Then later that night when erik and I are at the house, i get a text message saying that they just dropped the price of this house from $216K to $175K. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! i just about died! now... for those who dont know. this house is in the historical district of san marcos. Its 2 story, about 3000+ sq.ft. victorian style, built in 1901. And in the back of the house as a separate building is what used to be the carraige house, which is now a 3 car garage with workshop, and a 1bed 1bath apartment that goes over the top. All of the house and the apartment is hardwood floors. 15ft. vaulted celings and fireplaces. It is simply the most awesome house i have ever set my eyes on. The other houses in the area are listed for between $600 - 750K. this one was a forclosure. so its dirt fucking cheap. and the price just dropped!!! *dies* Then... i get up yesterday morning... drive into san marcos, and BOOM got a job. That easy. :) walked in unemployed, walked out starting work on monday! :) Now i know for sure i can go to school, and get that house!!! Anders said that as long as we both had jobs we could have it! I havent been this happy in a very long time. Soon.... very soon... everything will be as it should be again. Two cars, a huge ass house, my education, and i have a job!!! So i come home yesterday and dance in the rain for like 20 minutes. :) I have to say thank you to the rain. It brings such wonderful things to me.i know i sound insane, but i have always thought that the rain brings me gifts. Its gods way of saying hey. i see you and i dont hate you. (sometimes i think god does hate me) So while there are plenty of things in my life that need a lot of work, I am content with where i am, and the rain reminds me of that. It reminds me to take soem time out and to remember what is good, and right with the world. It helps me to grow, just like the plants. It clears my thoughts and cleanses my soul. And just when i feel as though I should give up and move on the rain comes and washes everything away. words

[25 Jul 2008|04:51pm] leejean   words

Indignation 2008: Calendar of Events [25 Jul 2008|04:45pm] leejean Welcome reception Friday, 1 August 2008, 7 pm, at 72-13 Ancestors on the beach - an art exhibition by Jimmy Ong Friday 1 August 2008 to Wednesday 20 August 2008. Time: 6-10pm (Tue-Fri), 12-10pm (Sat+Sun), closed on Mon and public holidays, at Post Museum From fag to friend, a forum by the Queer-straight alliance Saturday, 2 August 2008, 3:00 pm, at 72-13 From classoom to comics, by Otto Fong Saturday, 2 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 Adlus night hike Saturday, 2 August 2008, 11:30 pm to dawn, start location to be advised. REGISTER Cruising through history Sunday, 3 August 2008, 3 pm, at the Post Museum Silence and aching hearts Private event. REGISTER Tuesday, 5 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 Tong bu tong 2 - Another tribe Rated M18 Wednesday, 6 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 ContraDiction IV Rated M18 Thursday, 7 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 The Unofficial Pink Picnic Saturday, 9 August 2008, 4:30 pm, Botanic Gardens Symphony Lake Brain surgery - what’s inside the heads of homophobes? Tuesday, 12 August 2008, 7:30, at 72-13 Too often ignored: The science of sexual orientation Wednesday, 13 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 My wife, my kids… Friday, 15 August, 7:30 pm, at Post Museum Heartbreak heroes: Four Malaysians on surviving love, loss and a hostel in Singapore Private event. REGISTER Saturday, 16 August 2008, 3 pm, at 72-13 TheBearProject Charity Art Show Saturday, 16 August 2008, 7 pm, at Play Queer women within feminist Singapore Saturday, 16 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at 72-13 Is HIV becoming an Asian disease? Tuesday, 19 August 2008, 7:30 pm, at Post Museum http://www.plu.sg/indignation/ words

The hell?! [24 Jul 2008|11:08pm] girlbleeding [ mood | sore ] So, an emo post was coming. Work was stressful, annoying, and too long and exercising was painful (my feet STILL hurt). But, then, there was this: Thanks EvelynKaulitz43 for the gif and yaoisex for posting it. HOW CAN I BE UNHAPPY IN THE FACE OF THAT??!!! It's far too impossible. For me, that is. Maybe not you. But, of course, maybe you're dead inside. LOL! XD Also, TWO EFFIN WEEKS UNTIL MY FIRST EVER TOKIO HOTEL CONCERT!!! I am still so nervous. I keep thinking about random things like, what if schreitokiolove and cinniminjade don't like me? What if I forget to put on deodorant (yes, for seriously)? What if I'm not bringing enough money? What if I REALLY have to go to the bathroom and the Port-A-Potties aren't big enough? What if I pass out? Yeah, I don't know. I just can't seem to help it. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. Trust me, I'm worried over crazier things, I just don't want to go into them. XD Alright, I have to go to bed. I have A LOT of comments I want to answer but, if I don't go to bed and relax my feet, I may have to jump off the roof of our townhouse. Goodnight all! XD 1: bleeding words

a love which cannot be explained [25 Jul 2008|10:44am] leejean Anatolia was in political crisis almost all of Rumi’s life, which possibly guided people of all faiths toward his circle in order to taste the honey of his counsel. But his word changed in depth and meaning after Jalaluddin met the wandering dervish, the king in a patched robe, a lover of Islam and the Prophet Mohammad, Shamsuddin of Tabriz, during the fringe of winter in 1244.   ( Read more... ) words

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