Brian was sitting in his office at Kinnetik, trying his hardest to concentrate on the latest account for Brown Athletics. This was it. If they could get this right, the payday would be huge, and the next rung up the ladder of success. He looked up from his monstrous pile of papers and his eyes fell upon the latest Taylor masterpiece he had purchased. It was an abstract. If he looked at it long enough, though, he could see a couple dancing in the midst of swirls of color and light. He sighed. What was happening to him?

      You're becoming a stepford-fag, Kinney.

      NO, he wasn't. Brian Kinney wasn't a sap. He didn't do romance, or flowers, or little white, picket fences. He screwed who he wanted, when he wanted. However, lately, it seemed the the only person he'd been wanting to screw was a little blond artist who seemed to perpetually smell of paint, vanilla, and a little something extra that was all him. Why did he love that so much?

You're finally there
When your heart starts to wear
Cuz you know how this ends
Passion fades, you pretend
So you're walking away
To let perfection remain
You'll never see this unwind
Your love frozen in time

               Brian was pulled out of his thoughts by his phone ringing.

            “Kinney,” he said simply.

           “Hey, Brian, I'm picking up some stuff for dinner so we don't have to get take-out again for the third time this week, what sounds good to you?” he heard Justin say over the phone.

           God, dinner at home with the wife. A vision flashed before his eyes of him sitting in front of the TV with a bot-belly, sipping a beer and watching the game while Justin fixed dinner in the kitchen and yelling at two screaming brats. Was that to be his future? He didn't even like football!

           “Uh, sorry Sunshine. I think I've got plans tonight. Babylon has a lot going on right now, and they need me there to run things. Maybe another night,” he said vaguely but then continued, “but we could always go together and party 'til dawn like the old days,” he said with a wicked smile in his voice.

           “Oh...ok. I don't think I'd be able to, Brian. Linds has me helping out at the gallery tomorrow morning, and then I'm going to go see my sister and mother for lunch. We can do it some other night though,” he said, the disappointment in his voice seeping into every word he spoke.

           Brian sighed. He wasn't going to win this one, no matter what he said.

           “I suppose Babylon can survive without me being there for one night. Cook whatever you want and surprise me. Whatever it is, it'll be great,” he said with a sense of resignation.

            He heard the Sunshine return to his voice as he started talking about what he was going to cook. They finished their conversation shortly after that and Brian sat back in his chair and stared at the artist's painting. When did it come to this?

You try your best to take it slow
But it feels good to lose control
It's moving faster everyday
You wish it could just stay this way
But you know it won't

You're finally there
When your heart starts to wear
Cuz you know how this ends
Passion fades, you pretend
So you're walking away
To let perfection remain
You'll never see this unwind
Your love frozen in time

      Brian couldn't deny it anymore, not even to himself. Justin had known it for years, as had just about everyone else. He loved the kid. Man. He was a man now. He wasn't the 17 year old kid he'd picked up outside a club five years ago. He was a strong, independent man who knew himself so much better than Brian had ever known himself. He loved that he was so wise beyond his twenty-two years. How could he possibly make someone as incredible as Justin happy for the rest of their lives? He couldn't. He would eventually screw up, hurt him, and then he'd lose him. He couldn't stand the thought of watching him walk away because he'd screwed things up again. He couldn't stand the pain in those gorgeous blue orbs of his, and knowing he'd put it there. He'd seen it plenty of times over the years.

      It would be best if he just walked away. Cut the cord quick and easy. The pain would be pretty intense at first, but it would level off eventually, and Justin would find someone new, someone better for him. Is that what he wanted? If it would make him happy, then absolutely. He'd always known Justin would be better off without him, anyway. From the first night almost. Dear god, what was he saying? Who was he kidding, anyway?

It hurts now but it will hurt more later
It hurts now but it will hurt more later
Hurt more later
Much more much later

Alla Fine