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BJD_30 Minute Fiction

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[Mar. 9th, 2007|04:08 pm]
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bjd_30minfic

[fastfeetnella]
[Tags|, ]
[mood | sick]

Challenge: 1 What if your doll came to life
Title:  What the heck?
Rating (G through NC-17):  G
Dolls: Fleur(mythdoll Yue)
Author's Notes:  I did think about a little bit but not like how I ended up writing it. Sorry that it's not as refined as most of the other pieces are, I'm still young and learning better ways to write. I didn't use all the time writing, I did format the story better. Any comments and criticism would be nice. Please forgive spelling errors.

Nella wakes up to a clicking sound. She opens her eyes slowly and sees that she had fallen asleep at the computer. The screen is glowing and the clicking sounds almost like typing keys. 

How's that possible? I didn't know I wrote in my sleep. And since when do I fall asleep at the compy? Internet usually keeps me awake.
She felt one finger lifted up and hit a key, then another key. She could hear someone panting hard, like they were exercising too hard.

"Why... do...I...have...too..be...so...small!" a female voice cried. The voice sounded awfully like what she had always imagined her BJD, Fleur would sound, if she could talk. Nella turned her head to where the voice was coming from and sure enough, there was little Fleur, grasping Nella's index finger with both hands and trying to type an email.

"Fleur, what do you think you're doing?" she tried not to suprise her. She wasn't surprised, as this had to be a dream. How else could the imbole resin doll be moving and talking?

"Nella! You're awake! I....I...This....., this is a dream, this isn't happening, you're asleep in bed. Yes, yes, it's all a dream." Fleur slputtered out.

"Of course it's a dream, Fleur. You're not really alive, you can't be, your just a doll."

"Just a doll! Why I never! I am not just a doll and I'll tell you, this is not a dream! I'm really moving and talking and I writing Aleria a reply to that letter she wrote!"

"Okay," Nella said skeptically, not believing it for an instant, "Then why are you using my finger to type? Couldn't you just use your own fingers?"

"No way, have you seen how big those keys are? My whole hand is just two keys!"

"Then why aren't you writing her reply on paper, since she sent you a letter? Wouldn't that be easier? You do have pencils that fit your hand."

"Because that would mean going up the three flights of stairs! It would take me hours to just get to the paper and one of the other family members could be up by then! Plus, email is faster and snailmail, even magic snailmail."

"Fleur, we're all alone at home. Sister is away with friends and the parental figures are on vacation."

"They are?" she asked.

"They are," Nella replied.

"Can you write this then? It takes forever to move your hand," Fleur asked hopefully.

"I bet it does. Now get off the keyboard, and just tell me what to write."

"Okay, start with......."


It's kinda short but I like it at least.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]zagzagael
2007-03-09 11:26 pm (UTC)

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*laughs*

That was really, really fun! Well done - I liked how Fleur tried at first to say it WAS a dream but then got all indignant!
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfeetnella
2007-03-09 11:40 pm (UTC)

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Thank you! I'm someone other than me likes it! That's exactly what she would too.
[User Picture]From: [info]synarthrosis
2007-03-10 02:30 am (UTC)

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That was really cute. I especially love the introduction to your little Fleur "Why... do...I...have...too..be...so...small!" a female voice cried. That really sets the tone for the whole piece and you keep her cheeky tone consistent through the whole work. It flowed smoothly and was an enjoyable read. And certainly if your story is complet--whether five sentences or five volumes--there's no need to look for a reason to make it longer just for the sake of length!
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfeetnella
2007-03-10 03:05 am (UTC)

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Thank you! I'm glad people liked it enouhg to comment. *smile*
[User Picture]From: [info]kamimura
2007-03-10 05:19 am (UTC)

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this was really entertaining and a fun read :) i love the quick dialogue, and i think you characterized your doll very well!
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfeetnella
2007-03-10 02:00 pm (UTC)

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Thank you!
[User Picture]From: [info]chibisweetloli
2007-03-21 04:39 pm (UTC)

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I love the dialogue, it goes by very quickly and naturally. I think you represented Fleur very well. ^_^
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfeetnella
2007-03-21 06:49 pm (UTC)

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Thank you!