Wow, Emmett and his crew got here early. I didn't realize they were going to decorate the downstairs of the loft with the theme of yellow roses. I guess the ladies get them anyway.

Gus is fed and trailing around with Emmett and Nanny G...

I was lying in bed until you smacked my ass before kissing it and told me I had to haul it out of bed. You led me into our bathtub and woke me 'up' under the waterfall. :stretches: THAT was a great way to face the morning.

But fuck, now the cleaner too? There are all these people here.

Oh, um, Dusty... Shit. He was very sweet showing up with flowers that he wanted to arrange himself for Lindsay, but yeah. Eighteen years old. I guess he's just legal for peeling. You were wearing your 'reserved judgment' face, but he was very sweet to me. (Maybe that's why the reserved judgment.) He seems really crushed on her.

Let's go out to Starbucks. You can have an espresso and read the paper and I'll have a Chai Latte and one of those maple iced things.

I have something I need to drop off afterwards at Deb's. A work of 'art' but not my own. It's a velvet painting of a cat from our antiquing day near the house. Since you paid for it (while asking me if I'd lost my fucking mind), it's from both of us. You know Deb will love it. She rescued us both, Brian, so we could finally find each other. I think she represents what a mother should be: nosy, pushy with food...will take you in any rainy night, no questions asked.

Just so you know, Gus heard us last night when he got up for some juice.

He asked me why I made all those funny sounds (no cracks, Brian, because you know you are just as loud).

I couldn't think of what to say and then decided to be honest.

I said, your Daddy was making me happy.

Justin, There are no words that can express just what last night meant to me.

I'm convinced. No more bullshit backing away (it's not a promise, but as close as I can give).

Today I think both of Gus' fathers should meet him for dinner with Nanny G. Do you want to call and arrange a night out at the Liberty Diner. (Gus' favorite food emporium -- he's young, he'll learn.)

I'm not sure what it is, Sunshine, but when the Kinney men are with you we can't help but smile.

What are you up to today? Any chance for a "private" luncheon? Those always contain my favorite form of protein and my staff seems to think I'm more approachable during the afternoon.

BTW--Any news on your studio work? I hope Kinnetik isn't robbing you from creating Taylor masterpieces.

BTW (take two) -- Did you get your semester grades back yet? We could make dinner a celebration. I won't cringe at your carb intake and we can give Gus an easy to use camera so he and Nanny G can take pics while we're in Europe. That way he'll know we're interested in what he's doing. They can download them and e-mail them to us and we'll do the same in reverse.

Thank you for being there and knowing what to say. I know I got all my words twisted but you seemed to help smooth them out.

We must have done something right because Lindsay actually thanked us because she didn't know how to comfort Gus.

I don't know how you do it. We're his natural parents but you come in and have dig us out of this mess.

It's obvious how much you love Gus and when you told him that story about how love is a circle because it never ends it always comes back where it belongs like the bracelet I saw Gus smile. He may still be just a toddler but he seemed to understand that you meant we'd always love him.

He liked see the letters representing all our names side by side, but I did have to think fast when he asked where his Mommy's name was.

Good thing you chimed in with, "This is special for boys."

Justin, I think it's time I faced the fact that I'm going to be a parent much more than I planned. If you're in this for the long haul I need to know because I won't disappoint Gus.

I'm feeling torn between wanting two different lives and they don't seem to coincide. I'm just glad we're heading out to Europe soon. The escape, even if it includes some not-to-strenuous work, will do me good -- and you, too (if you still want to go).

I'm bringing much more baggage to the table than even I thought I had. I don't like doing this but I if you need the door unlocked it's okay.

Just know that no matter what, I'll always...forget it, no pressure.

Brian, just checked and I had a voice mail from Gus last night and didn't see it until now. Fuck!

He said, "Jussin, hi, it's me, Gus. You and Daddy can't make a baby. So that means you still want me, right?"

Shit, Brian, Mel must have fucking TOLD him about being pregnant!

I'm sorry I...

Brian, it's just that Ethan's boy toy showed up one night with roses. I destroyed them, fucking up my hands, crying because...because I'd lost you.

I'd lost the man I loved, over bullshit reasons, not seeing that you loved me all along.

And now you give me this...?

I love you.

I'm sorry I fucked up--you're perfect, it's perfect!

Please come down and finish this beautiful meal you had delivered (I'm glad you didn't risk cooking, your hands are bad enough from the flowers).

I'm wearing my bracelet.

You made the roses mean something.

Come down stairs. I lit the candles. I'm waiting.

Sunshine, I know you're still brainstorming with my [currently] brain-dead ad execs on the kiddie clothing line's new name and tag line.

Go home! Shower and get dressed. I'll be there at 8:00 PM and DO NOT LEAVE THE BEDROOM/UPSTAIRS SPACE.

Lindsay called and said that Gus had a great time with Gena after school today. Apparently Nanny G signed Gus up for a toddler program at the library. They fucking sing and dance and read stories. Who ever heard of singing and dancing at the library. And what's worse, they're encouraging Gus to sing.

Hey, twat, forget the "Sir" shit, except, of course, when I am THE master of all, in our private kingdom.

Justin, on a more serious note, are you comfortable with everything that's changed in our lives over the past few months. I want to make sure that you're not making decisions that you're having second thoughts about. You're young and I don't want you to feel obligated or in some strange way, indebted to me, or Gus. I'll understand if you want to get out, or back off from some of our commitments.

I have a mother-fucker of a headache. Where's the recipe for your alcoholic granny's poison potion?

Gus is up and singing (oh shit) badly. He must get his musical inclination (sans talent) from Lindsay.

How can you sleep through that!

I'm pitching the final boards to Eyeconics tomorrow and I think we need to work on the tween line. I want to change their name and make it hotter. Teens don't want to wear something their parents would even approach. Marketing said if the parents like it, the kids fucking hate it -- even if they're hetero.

Can you bring Gus to day care and then meet me at Kinnetik? We need to work on a plan for Brown Athletics otherwise we'll have no reason to head across the Atlantic.

Tonight, NO drama. You, me, peace, quiet (well maybe not so quiet).

Oh my god! Gena just buzzed. Lindsay must have called her. I guess you don't have to do the day care run.

If you get your ass out of bed and help me focus we can head out together.

Fuck, I need a shower after Nanny G takes over.

I just heard from Jonathan Roberts again. He said I/we (I want you there if you don't have any other commitments) have to be at his office at 1:00 PM for a lengthy meeting. They'll have lunch for us. "Ms. Marcus and Ms. Peterson will also be in attendance." Something's brewing and it's not the fucking coffee yet, which I need more than air right now.

Some of our advisors must be interested in purchasing a tub like ours because they seem immensely curious about our experience last night. All I can think of is, "It was wet -- very, very wet." (In more ways than one.) Do you want to tackle the details Sunshine?

This morning I need to get to Kinnetik. If you can get there at some point to work on Eyeconics and the clothing line that would be great, but if you want to stay home and set up your studio that might be more productive. Let me know.

I'm heading into the shower ALONE. You are so lazy for such a youngster. Where's that youthful energy?

So Sunshine, are you ready to move into "our" loft. It's practically a fucking mansion, filled with every design and furniture indulgence in the modern world. This afternoon the movers are bringing over the few possessions at the house that we're keeping and the rest of the clothes that don't cost more than the furniture to replace (mostly yours).

Gena has Mondays and Tuesdays off, so we have to fend for ourselves in the kitchen. Think you can help, or should we stop at the diner on the way to Kinnetik.

After breakfast it's off meet my new tween model and I do want you AND Murph there. Seeing is believing and I'm always a man of action.

BTW -- Your advisory board has been visiting my journal ever since...have I been that fucking transparent?

Maybe Murph should have worded it better, the reason why he liked the drawings you faxed him this morning before we headed out with Gus:

"This Marco looks a little like a younger Brian."

Murph told me that the boss wants to meet Marco when he comes in to sign the contracts tomorrow.

Just remember, Brian, that nothing happened. And what I told you last night:

I didn't choose him, I chose you.

Okay, you saw the sketches I made while I was out, raised a brow and said, "Looks like you got very close to nature, Sunshine."

I stuck them in a folder. NOT because I'm hiding them from you, but Gus is around. And because Gus is around, I'm going to explain what happened here. I don't want to wait since you might be slightly, um, 'curious.'

His name is Marco and he's the grounds keeper next door. He saw me sketching and...well, let's just say he suggested he would be happy to model for me.

I shrugged and let him. As you saw from the sketches, he was beautiful.

So I sketched him, and yes, he was interested (as you probably noticed from the work) but I packed up my stuff after I was done, thanked him (he looked a little surprised and disappointed), and headed home to you and Gus.

I'm a little afraid I'll hear about how I'm sacrificing my youthful opportunities, so here's the truth. Yes, I would have fucked him if there was no you, no you to come home to, no you I'm in love with.

And maybe tonight since I feel slightly aggressive you might allow me inside the man I love. Because right after I imagined topping him, I saw your face when I'm buried, safe, working to please you.

I woke up a few minutes ago from our incredible night of sucking, fucking, massaging with hands and tongues. You'll definitely have some alternate career options if you decide art isn't enough. Although you were pretty fucking artistic last night.

Looking at the clock I was surprised that Sonny Boy was still asleep and when I went into his room he was gone. That woke me the fuck up!

I ran downstairs, which after last night wasn't easy, and there he was, eating pancakes shaped like fucking Mickey Mouse heads with "Nanny G" by his side reading him a story about some kids making pancakes. What the fuck!

I knew I gave her the key and the alarm combination but I didn't tell her she needed to be here at the crack of dawn. Is she a mind reader? She said, "Children wake up early and it's my first day." Then she shrugged and went back to reading while she nodded towards the kitchen.

I went in and there was a pot of coffee with a note card in front that read, "Justin gave me the recipe for your special blend. G"

I think we should bring Gus and "our" nanny to the loft and show them around. Then will do some kid-friendly activities. At the same time we have to start bringing some clothes to the loft. Your car is one of the best purchases I've made lately.

There's another addition in my life that's pretty fucking amazing, but I don't know how I was lucky enough to get him. And no money changed hands.

I gave our advisors a glimpse of the newly renovated loft on my journal here: http://justin-alone.livejournal.com/27263.html

YOU get to write about the dinner, which I'm sure should be interesting. Which I also have to start preparing soon. I want to do a stir fry, so lots of chopping...

Should we serve warmed Sake with dinner or some wine?

Tonight Gus sleeps under our roof again!

My back is fucking killing me since we woke up this morning. No age cracks!

It was worth it, though. You made me hot just from the sounds you made as I pulled each of those ocean blue beads out. You notice I found a shade that matches your eyes -- and people say I'm not romantic.

What's your schedule today? It's your last day, right?

How about we celebrate by checking out the loft and then heading home for din-din with Sonny Boy, Mommie Dearest and the Nanny. One big happy, fucking family. Maybe we should invite your Mommy and Deb -- then we can leave the room with Sonny Boy and leave the ladies all cackle with each other.

Is your passport still handy? It better be! Brown Athletics wants Kinnetik and they're going international so they want me to scout out some locations in their new worldwide market.

I won't force you to go, but I'm asking -- not just for your artistic eye but because I want you with me. We'll be away for almost two weeks. We won't leave until after your show opens.

What do you say?

It might be a good way to distract us both from all the shit that's going on in our lives.

If things work out tomorrow night this could be a good opportunity for Gena to supervise some of the initial construction on the house, and she can stay at the loft since her space will be worked on first. She can get to know Gus in small doses as well so he can get used to her before she actually cares for him for full evenings or days once we're home.

Last night your extreme gratitude for my little surprise was more than welcome. That's the kind of gratitude I can receive and give frequently and willingly. You were fucking hot! I love when you dance for me, in public AND in private.

This morning I have a meeting with the ugly Eyeconics bitch to show her some "preliminary" boards. Murph expanded on your amazing ideas. I'd like you to attend the meeting if you can be there. No pressure if you're busy.

That meeting is immediately followed by the teen/tween clothing line. This is an initial meet and greet. Shmoozing and getting to know them and what they want, then I tell them what they need. If you can be there for that too it would be great since they'll see that I have a young artist on board who can "relate" to their line, having just grown out of it. (It's good business practice, not an insult.)

Then we'll meet Mrs. Heartley for lunch at the diner. God, I hate that name. I hope she uses her first name once we meet her. She's not YOUR nanny anymore, you'll be her boss.

If I remember correctly your classes are this afternoon, as is your studio time. I could have totally fucked that up. It's hard enough to keep my own calendar without having to worry about yours. And aren't we hauling some of your work to Sidney today?

Lindsay left two more voice mails last night -- she wants me to "support" her as she begins the single life again. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but she's admitted more than once, since Gus was born, that things would have been much different for her if I would have been willing to pitch for the other team. What do you think?

I have NOT told her there's only one member of my own team I'm pitching to now.

I called our old part-time housekeeper, Mrs. Heartley, and drove into a bad part of Pittsburgh to meet her. She's fallen on hard times since my asshole father fired her because she spoke up for me when I came out.

Mom couldn't afford her when she and Molly found a town house, so since then she's been doing temporary maid service.

Brian, growing up, she was wonderful with me and Molly. She never hit us or raised her voice. She always listened to us, gave us lots of hugs, and yeah, corny, but baked us a lot of cookies. If my parents had to stay out late at a party somewhere, she stayed over to watch us.

When I was bashed, she came to the hospital to see me. She just sat there, knitting, and at one point I asked her how long she'd known I was gay. She laughed and said just from all the illustrations on my walls, she'd known for a very long time.

I raised the topic of having a possible part-time? housekeeper and cook and you kind of queened out and assumed I meant I didn't want to take on you and Gus, so I hope you will consider this. I was thinking we could hire her to take care of the house. She could move into the bedroom they are working on now over the stables next to my studio, so we'd have our privacy.

Also, she'd be great with Gus, and we'd have another adult to make sure he was safe when he stayed with us. (I noticed the new locks on the doors to the pool room, good idea since he's too young to go in there unsupervised.)

Even if you don't like this idea, maybe you could meet with her and assist her in finding stable employment. She's a really good person and it bothered me seeing her living in such a shitty apartment.

I can drive myself. You're taking this bossy bottom/partner shit and really showing you have balls. For the moment it's hot, but don't get too used to it. If you recall last night, I'm still the top.

The doctor better not want any tests that would knock me out. It's just a Maalox chaser a few times a day. That can't be bad, I'm a busy business man. It sounds normal to me.

Last night you were brilliant -- both in the men's room (later the bedroom) and at the table. Does Michael always spill everything to you when you bring up fucking comics? If he said, "It's like when Superwoman wanted a kid without a father and..." I was going to scream, "We're in the fucking real world!"

When I spoke to the Professor while we were playing pool he confessed that he spoke to an attorney without Michael knowing it to make sure that Michael is protected where the interests of his child are concerned. He had the attorney draw up a paper stating that Michael will retain all parental rights to the child and must be in agreement should Mel want to leave town, even for a vacation, with the kid. She'll have to sign it, or no sperm deposit.

He's pretty sure Michael will be thrilled with the agreement, since all he talks about is being a hands-on father and teasing Ben about being Uncle Ben, like the fucking rice. After I rolled my eyes I did let him know that I appreciated his candor.

Get this -- he and Michael both think that Mel has turned her back on Gus because she never really felt like his parent. Like she was on fucking borrowed time where Gus was concerned -- and where Linds was concerned, too. Neither of us knew what the hell that was supposed to mean. I never intended to sue for reinstatement of my parental rights, but now I'm ready.

Kinnetik is up and running (although it could use some spit and polish when the dust settles after construction) and the loft is almost ready to move back into to -- then we start on the house.

The PIFA show at the Sidney Bloom Gallery is in two weeks.

Everything seems in order.

Oh, and there's one more thing I forgot to mention. The Art Department at Kinnetik could use a boost of REAL talent. I spoke to Murph about this and he agrees that enlisting the help of someone who will already be under the insurance policy and can offer part-time help when in school and full-time help during the summer would be an ideal choice -- especially since he has more talent than anyone else in the fucking northeast.

We want you!