The FOOBiverse!'s Journal

Sunday, 22 November 2009
I don't believe we've had a strip that reminds us that Lynn sees playing in autumn leaves as something that should be declared a capital offence yet this year; that means we're probably about to.

I'm close; it's Lynn whining about how the New Media (in the form of a mildly silly and gross video game) are corrupting our children, destroying our morals and bruising fruit.

Saturday, 21 November 2009
We've yet to vilify John this week so I should think he's about to say something that's both insensitive and silly.

Maybe tomorrow; today, we've got to have something that's both cute and disturbing.

Panel 1: We start off with New-ruin Mike sticking his index fingers in a jar of strawberry jam.

Panel 2: As he walks down the hall with his fingers raised in the air so as to not spill the jam, he attracts Farley's attention.

Panel 3: He sticks his jam-covered fingers in Lizzie's ears. The possibilty that his idiotic stunt could destroy her hearing will be denounced by the ignorant.

Panel 4: As she starts to try to clean out her ears, Farley sniffs the air.

Panel 5: Mike laughs as Farley licks the jam out of Lizzie's ears. The possibility that Farley might not stop until he gets to Lizzie's gooey interior doesn't occur to the idiot child or irresponsible buffoon cartoonist.

Summary: This seems harmless enough on the surface but could easily have turned catastrophic. Given the right stimulus, doggie kisses could turn into a mauling in a flash.

A letter to Lalo Alcaraz
Senior Alcaraz did a strip about snarking. I happened across it and decided to respond to it.

http://www.gocomics.com/lacucaracha/2009/11/15/

( Read More )

Friday. 20 November 2009
We're probably in for a new-ruin that has a mildly better Elly feel mildly worse because Mike has more crud coming out of his nose (if we're lucky) than his clay monster head.

I wish; it's Connie, the saboteur friend making Elly feel bad about herself.

Panel 1: As Connie pours a nice cup of tea, she asks a seated Elly if she's enjoying her writing course; Elly says that she is but she's missed a few classes.

Panel 2: it seems that it's a week since Mike wished he was magic; that's because she mentions that both Lizzie and she were sick the previous week. She also mentions that a few weeks before that, John had a meeting and they couldn't find a sitter.

Panel 3: She tells Connie that things like that are so frustrating because this is something she wants to do; she, you see, wants to WRITE.

Panel 4: Connie asks her if she's done her Christmas newsletter yet.

Panel 5: As Elly sighs in despair, Connie says that good friends ask good questions. If that's so, what sort of friend makes someone feel worse about something?

Summary: The official line is "Connie doesn't seem to realize that she's not being a good friend at all; a better friend would have picked up on what Elly was saying and tried to reassure her. Since Connie is self-absorbed and dim, she screwed up and antagonized Elly without even seeing what she did wrong." My personal opinion is that Connie could have told her that she doesn't need a degree to write despite what the Man (or a train-loving man) says.

Family politics take chilling turn...
I am so tempted to explain to the authors that this article, from the UK's answer to The Onion, is a bit late as LJ has been using her strip to tell this story in North America for 30 years.

Family politics take chilling turn as mothers start making martyrdom videos

This one too, to a lesser extent:
Chore inflation index shows emptying dishwasher now just as much of a pain as washing dishes

Thursday, 19 November 2009
It seems to me that today's strip might be the one in which Elly tells Mike that he doesn't have to be magic to make her feel better; if so, let us all mark time on the fact that she's a slightly better parent in the reprints than she is in the new-ruins.

Panel 1: As Bleary-eyed-red-nosed Elly drives Mike home from KidKraft, he asks her "You still sick, Mom? You look pale; have you got a fever, Mom?" because he's pretending he's Marcus Welby and that's what the TV doctors say.

Panel 2: Mike, who actually talks like a six-year-old, hangs his head as he wishes that he was magic and could make her feel better.

Panel 3: She smiles, hugs him with enough force to make him stick out his tongue and tells him that he already has.

Summary: She isn't going to feel better for much longer; not only is she ensured that she's probably going to be sick enough to miss her next class and thus be forced to quit, she's also got to nursemaid Mike through a bout of whatever she's got.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Now that Elly has done housework she shouldn't have because John is too dim to get someone in to look after her and keep her from taking poor care of herself, let's see what other daft thing she does today. Perhaps she'll decide she's well enough to go to the store after all and infect a bunch of people.

Well, I came close; she's at Mike's craft school and infecting small children.

Panel 1: As our story begins, we see button-nosed Michael at the Kidkraft craft class cutting a piece of paper with what I hope are safety scissors as the propellor-bunned teacher tells him that his mother is here. His yelling MOM doesn't seem to have been noticed by the girl holding the punchcards.

Panel 2: He holds up a mildly revolting clay sculpture and tells her that it's a monster head with a giant-mega wart on the side. She seems to be turned off but it's hard to tell what her reaction is.

Panel 3: He's quite pleased with how when he pulls at the wart, a whole bunch of crud comes out and asks her if she thinks it's cool or what; Elly is clearly not enthused but can't quite find the words to express her disgust.

Panel 4: As Elly gets his coat, he tells her that he WAS going to make something REALLY gross but they wouldn't let him. Her reaction: gobsmacked.

Summary: Since Elly is still contagious, he'll get to make a lot of gross things in the next few days; so will the other children she's infected because she and John were too dim to make arrangements for him. Also, Lynn thinks boys like gross things because that's the deal with men.

Hi everyone, I'm killing two birds with one stone, and writing my April-centric foe-fic for NaNoWriMo this month. I'm nearing a crucial point in my story, and was wondering if you would be willing to help me look for, and confirm, the dates of the final appearances of the more major secondary characters in the comic strip? For example, I know the last time we saw the community of Mtigwaki and the characters from there with the exception of the Cranes, was when Liz left after Paul "cheated" on her. That would be in January 2007. Warren stopped showing up after his "jump for joy" when Liz told him that she would date him in late 2007, I think.

In short, I'm looking for the last appearances of people who have shown up in the strip over the years, but who were not at the wedding. They would be people like Kourtney, Becky, Duncan, Gerald, Jeremy, Shannon, Luis, Eva, and so on.

People who I can think of that were at the wedding for at least part of the time, and who actually was drawn (Anthony's parents don't count): All of the Pattersons, Connie, Annie, Lawrence, Nick, Francoise, Anthony, the Cranes, Shawna-Marie, Dawn, Candace, Gordon, Tracey....anyone else I'm missing?

Many thanks for the help! Now, I have to move on my word count! I'm already behind...

Coffee Talk, the week of 16 November 2009
I expect that any letters that might contradict whatever criticism of Sunday's atrocity actually appears will go out of the way to miss the point; this is because the people will focus on the doggie kiss and, well, not even allow the abuse to register as it is too alien to their experience. Since their minds cannot handle Elly's evil, we are expected not to do so either.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009
If I understand

spotts1701 correctly, today's strip depicts Elly doing a load or five of clothes and thus ensuring that she shares the germ-laden love because she's too stupid to actually rest.

Panel 1: As Elly gets out of bed, she thought-bubbles that she hasn't been sick in ages and isn't used to staying in bed; this must mean that last January was ages ago.

Panel 2: As she walks downstairs, she tells herself that she could do some laundry, pay some bills or write a bit more for her class. This is quite a change from the self-pitying woman who wanted her mommy, that's for sure.

Panel 3: As she puts a load of clothes in, she coughs into the water and hopes that this bug will go away soon.

Panel 4: As she puts her face on the pile of clothes and ensures that her family gets sick too, she thinks that it's a good thing that she's taking care of herself. Will she think it's a good thing that she has to take care of them? Somehow, I doubt it.

Summary: Lynn clearly meant to create a strip that shows Elly being conscientious; what she did create is a strip that has a stupid woman witlessly making her life harder and her family sick because she's too dumb to rest.

Monday, 16 November 2009
I have no idea when the next two strips in sequence will appear; for all we know, we could spend most of the week watching Elly feel sorry for herself and deal with the feel-better thing next Saturday.

ETA: Elly indeed wants her mommy.

Panel 1: A bleary-eyed and self-pitying Elly thought-bubbles that when Mike and Lizzie are sick, she takes their temperatures, reads them stories and rocks them to sleep.
Panel 2: She follows that by reminding us that when John is sick, she rubs his back, brings him stuff and keeps the kids quiet.
Panel 3: She blows her nose with such force the words SNIVEL-HONK-PHWEET-SNUFFLE materialize out of thin air.
Panel 4: Since nobody is there for her despite her having to drop everything for them, she yells that she wants her mom.
Summary: The real problem I have with this first-year strip is something that

howtheduck pointed out; in the original, Elly simply had a brief summer cold, not the God-damned polka-dot plague. Its alteration here only serves to make John into a more repulsive human being....which, I believe, is the point.

A conversation with my wife
[My wife] Oh my God, I just saw a few seconds of Mrs. Washington Goes to Smith?

[Me] I'm sorry!

[My wife] No, you don't understand. Cybill Shepherd is in it... and she's turned into Elly Patterson!

[Me] My God....

[My wife] It's worse -- do you know what this means? Back during Moonlighting when she was ostensibly hot?

[Me] Yes?

[My wife] SHE WAS LIZ!

[Me] ...I'm posting this to Binky Betsy.

[My wife] I understand.

Sunday, 15 November 2009
Let's see what sort of oddity greets us today; if we're "lucky", Farley might actually appear to plug that plushie that arrived a quarter-century too late to do Lynn much good.

It's a new-ruin that reminds me of how much I hate it when I guess right; this is not a strip for those of you with weak constitutions.

Panel 1: As our story begins, we see Farley chewing on a plastic frog.

Panel 2: He does so so noisily, it attracts an angered Elly's attention.

Panel 3: She scares him out of a year's growth by yelling his name. You will notice that she's barefoot for some reason; this becomes important later.

Panel 4: She then screams AAAUGH and reminds us that he's chewed up Lizzie's new bath toy.

Panel 5: He doesn't understand what she means when she yells "Bad dog; you're a bad, bad dog" but he does know that she's upset with him.

Panel 6: She then bellows that he has his own toys to chew to bits and tells him to look at them; since she doesn't know the blindest thing about dogs, she actually thinks he understands the words as well as her angry tone of voice.

Panel 7: She then curses at him.

Panel 8: And then tells him to lie-down-do-you-hear-me-lie-down.

Panel 9: She then thought-bubbles "My gosh....and after all that..."

Panel 10: "...he still kisses my feet."

Summary: This is, of course, because she doesn't know an appeasement posture when she sees one; after all, she grew up without pets and thus will never quite understand what she's doing wrong.

Saturday, 14 November 2009
We're obviously in for a new-ruin that has a sick-as-a-dog Elly be forced to race around after her rambunctious imbecile children only to have John come home and spout a bromide about her needing to rest; Lynn can do it because she has the technology and the backing of Kool-Aid drinkers who will cluck, chuckle and simper about being made to parent solo when sick. That's because Lynn's viewpoint on the subject hasn't changed since she had Mike whine that Elly can't get sick 'cause she's a mother and has to wait on him hand and foot.

It's a classic chunk of martyrdom that has Elly point out how long she can be sick.

Panel 1: A freaked-out John tells Elly that he's sorry she isn't feeling well.

Panel 2: He reminds her that he took Lizzie to the sitter and Mike is in something called craft class.

Panel 3: He then says that he can pick Lizzie up on his way home but there's no way he can get down to collect Mike.

Panel 4: A bleary-eyed Elly says that that means she can be sick until 11:45.

Summary: This is because Lynn wants us to believe that a moderatley prosperous dentist's wife couldn't afford to have hired someone to come in and do all the joe-boy jobs when she's feeling sick. It amazes me that the Kool-Aid Quaffers never realized that we should have spent Foob history discussing the quality of the Pattersons' domestic help.

Friday, 13 November 2009
It's fairly clear that we're probably in for a strip that shows us that poor, put-upon Elly can't rely on her family when SHE'S ill despite being their rock when they're running insanely-high fevers.

Damn it but I hate being right.

Panel 1: As Elly lays down on the couch, John shoos the kids away from her and tells them to give her a break because she isn't feeling well.

Panel 2: As they walk down the hall, he explains that she needs a good rest so she's going to bed early.

Panel 3: He then tells her that tomorrow, she's going to relax and take it easy because she's got a day off, m'kay?? Mike says that he does too.

Panel 4: Elly suddenly remembers that the teachers have a professional development day tomorrow; Mike tells her not to worry....

Panel 5: ....because if they bust something, they'll do it quietly; since her face is frozen in the Bug-Eyed Glare of Existential Horror, that doesn't reassure her.

Summary: Like I said, Elly simply cannot rely on John to really handle the kids nor can she expect them to give her a break despite being ill; that's because she's the creation of a woman who is pissed off at her husband and children because their real world demands got in the way of her need to be a self-absorbed jerk.

ETA: On an unrelated note, someone was inspired to write a song about Lynn based on the interview she had with Strombo. Also, the new banner reminds us that John still knows how to have fun.

Thursday, 12 November 2009
It seems that we're about to be hit over the head with the inane concept that Elly's writing career has to be put on hold because of her children's refusal to play fair and act like tiny adults. At least it's not because Farley won't admit that he's a man in a dog suit.

It's worse; she repeats history by having Elly's hopes dashed for medical reasons.

Panel 1: Elly thought-bubbles that dinner's done, the kids are ready for bed and her class starts in 45 minutes as she kisses John good night and tells him "See you later."

Panel 2: John says that that was a HOT kiss and tries to stop her from leaving; she misinterprets the look of concern on his face as an invitation for more kissing and says "Not now, John; I've got to go."

Panel 3: He says that she has a temperature and asks if she's sure she's OK. She says that she's fine except for being a little tired.

Panel 4: Lynn betrays her lack of real knowledge by saying that Elly is running a fever of 104 degrees and how that means that she's staying home. In real life, she'd be hallucinating and being rushed to the ICU. She wouldn't be whining about wanting to go to school sick and infecting others.

Panel 5: She also wouldn't be allowed within 50 metres of Mike, who we see telling her that, since she WANTS to go to school, she must be sick.

Summary: Lynn simply tried too hard to make Elly sick enough to not be able to keep up again; if Elly's fever were merely 100, it would be less of a strain on credulity. As it stands, we'll end up watching her fail to keep up after having missed this class because all the serious writers have no desire to help a busy mother who has no help and no time to herself.

ETA: Lynn finally put as many Remembrance Day strips as she could in the Classic Content section.

Older FOOB I don't get

http://www.amureprints.com/Detail.asp?ImageID=114264

Eh? What's the joke here? Why the gobsmacked expressoin?

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