The latest gems from Shadow Star
Hi all :D Some of you may know me from last year or so, or from certain MarySues with cavernous cleaveage. >> Since then, I've been dragged into helping approve the little bundles of angst joy that come our way. We've had a slight influx of half a dozen members or so recently, and a few accompanying characters. Out of the new members that have submitted characters...well, one was great, one was mediocre (sent back for more tinkering, but not bad enough for here) and two were...well, you'll see. D: I'm debating which are going to go up on SS for Dummies. >>

First off, we have the gypsy princess. I kid you not. My comments in brackets.

Persona Name:Syeira
Age:19
Sex:Female
Species:Human
If other:
Appearance:She's small busted and has long legs her pale skin has a light blush,her corn flower colored hair keep in a pony tail,wide blue-green colored eyes,she's 5'0" and 99lb.Her clothing is always bright,red dress with flower design on it and boots with the same design, and light pink tight.A purple sash around her waist.

Guild & Rank:Gypsy Princess [Since we rarely give royals out to first characters, I guess this was the next best thing. Except, when did we have gypsies, let alone when did they have a royal heiarchy?]

Personality: [Oh, look, the cardboard cutout character's personality ran away. D:]

Parents:Father Shea King of the Gypsy,Mother Bevin Queen of the Gypsy
Siblings:None
Other Familial Ties:N/A

Biography:Syeira was born to Shea King of the Gypsy and Bevin Queen of the Gypsy [Except, she's not. Keep reading, it gets worse.] she's there only child,she's been schooled in the arts of both song and dance,her father loved and care for her and thinks of her as his little bird,when she was 14 teen she found she had magical trick as she calls it she could make fire out of nothing.Leaning how to use it she had found her calling in the clan,from far and wide people came to see the fire starter. [Uh, except that fire magic isn't really that unusual. I myself play a human who acts as a living fire outlet. >>]

Syeira is now 19 teen and she has mastered the magic [...in five years!] but she fills theres more but her clan frown on unknown teachings,one night as she walked to her wagon she over heard her mother and father taking finding out that she sould have been taken to a Guild when she was 14 teen hearing this she counfronted her mother and father,and they told her that she was defant na dthat her mother and father where not her parent they had found her when she was just a baby and her real mother they had buyed and they had fell in love with her they could not have a child so they took her as ther child. [SHOCK! Haven't I seen this soap opera before?]

* * *

Pets
Pet name(s):JiJi [It occurs to me now that this is the name of the cat from Kiki's Delivery Service.]
Pet type(s): Wynd
Pet description(s):Brown with black wings.

* * *
Bond
"Randomized Bond"
Bond name:
Status: Standing as a bond-to-be
If in waiting for a bond, would you accept a royal if we chose you?: Yes
Color(s) & Appearance:
Personality:
Ability:
I All So have Pic for the bio


Hasn't replied to the 'please make this better so my eyes don't bleed' rejection note. >>

And for number two, Miss six paragraphs of weapons and two lines on appearance. Again, my notes in brackets.

Persona_Name: Katrina Lamaguchi [This mostly cracks me up as I translated that name into 'llama-mouth'. Lesson number one, don't use Japanese names around the Japanese-major mod unless you want them to be taken apart. >>]
Age: Immortal [Uh, no, that's a lifespan, not an age.]
Gender: Female
Species: Wylraen Elf
Loyalty: Neutral
Appearance: Katrina was a knight. Her light, fluid steps and the clothing she wore proved this. Her armor was as of a brilliant white with a mild bit of relfection to it. Over this, she wore a flowing white jacket, also trimmed with silver, that reached to her ankles and closed around her waste by a silver belt.

On her wrists were a pair of silvery blue gantlets which seemed to catch more shadow than light. They were made of star metal, or meteorite. [A metal which we don't have, nor do we intend on having if twinky speshulness is all it's going to be good for.] The metal could be shaped like clay, the color and appearance changing according to her whim. Currently, the gantlets were covered in the relief form of different animals. The creatures upon it would seem to move as Katrina's anger was sparked. When they came into play, the gantlets would bind with her white armor, giving it a hint of dark blue and silver. [Magical Item 1: Speshul shape-changing gauntlets of nonexistant metal.]

Opposing to the white and silver theme was the inside lining of the robe, which was of an olive color. This coloring was rarely seen, [...Olive is a rare color? News to me. And the rest of the mods.] so it was logical that the reasoning behind it was hard to come by. Still, the secrets of the jacket were worth noting.

The first was an ability for the fabric to blend into its backgrounds as long as Katirina was standing still and was covered by the cloak. This was, in some cases, difficult to perform, but it was there
should she need to hide. The next was the cloak served as a mild protection from the elements, mostly things like rain, heat, cold. This was so Katrina could move in her armor at any time of the year and still be comfortable in it. The final property of the lining of the robe was it severed as a sort of bag of holding. Two pockets on either side allowed her to hold a limited number of supplies, and it was mostly used to carry weapons she did not wish to show she had, but she carried other items inside the pockets. [Magical Item 2: Jacket of invisibility with two bags of holding. Right.]

Her skin has a strange, translucent silvery color, almost as if it holds the moonlight within it. Katrina also has eyes that are icy blue, they were able to see very far. [Sorry, only D&D elves get darkvision, dear.] Katrina carried what could be called an arsenal of weapons with her. Experienced in using many different kinds of weapons, she has taken on a few as her favorites. Her weapon of choice was a mage staff, made of a strong, nearly indestructible metal, and then painted to look like wood. A well hidden trigger on the button released a foot long blade at the base of it. [Magical Item 3: An indestructible mage staff with hidden blade a la a cane-sword, carried by someone who is not a mage.]

Also with her was a scimitar, named Equinus. The blade was enchanted to fight on its own using whistles thrown by the wielder. [Because otherwise, she's not going to have enough hands for all these twinky items, and then where would we be?] The blade will not stop fighting until Katrina drops. The blade was made as a companion for a curved dagger Katrina has carried with her for years. This dagger was used to call upon her horse, Starlight. The weapons were created by different smiths, and differences in the quality can be found, but they compliment each other perfectly. [That line just slays me. Literally and painfully.] The sheaths of both weapons were made of polished tortoise shell and decorating them, in raised brass, was a herd of running horses. The handles of the dagger and the sword are shaped like the head of a horse and this too is made of brass. [Magical items 3 and 4: An enchanted blade that can fight if you whistle at it, and another enchanted blade that can call a horse. Now that's talent.]

A new weapon to her collection was the double-bladed ax, Hiro. The hilt had been laced with metal so it could not be easily cut in two. [I.e., another indescrutable weapon?] The blade was made of a light, but sturdy Faerie steel [Amazing that, as we don't have fae.] to give the weapon style and strength. As with most of her weapons, this one was enchanted. [As with most of her weapons, it was promptly rejected.] The first was to make the blade more durable, so it would keep its fine edge and the Raptor would not have to worry about it breaking. The second enchantment was that it could double the strength of the wielder while the weapon was being handled. For Katrina, who relied on speed over strength, this weapon
became formidable in her hands. [Magical Item 5: Axe made of nonexistant metal with twinky enhancements. Because lordy knows this girl can't have any weaknesses.]

One of her most devastating weapons, and the one most likely to be seen, was a Victorian style dueling pistol named Dublian. [A gun. In the middle of a fantasy setting. WTF, yo?!] The weapon was reformed from a powerful cane [...and how does one make a *gun* from a *cane*?] that the Raptor came into possession of recently. The pistol was solid black in color, but, various detailed engravings in it show off the true silver nature of the weapon. The weapon was an alloy of a strong metal and silver, but a spell had been placed on it to make the gun and its bullets indestructible. [Another indescrutible weapon? Didn't see THAT coming.] The bullets themselves were given powers derived of the cane. Any being, other than the Raptor and her heralds, who touched the weapon or was struck by the bullets would be taken over by a great wave of fear and then have their life force stripped from them. There were ways out of this, but Katrina did not encounter resistance's against the element of pure fear often. [Fear is an element? The Chaosian elementals are going to be all over that.] There were other powers in this deadly weapon, [There's MORE?!] but only Katrina could reach them. [All who are surprised, shoot yourself in a painful but nonlethal place now. Let's see, magical item 6: A gun. Which is 'nuff said, but it's indestructible, sucks life force AND operates on an uncounterable element. You lose at life, dearie.]

Occasional, Katrina could be found with a finely made Elven composite long bow. [Because what D&D elf can resist the cliche of the longbow? The one in my RL campaign certainly couldn't >>] Made of a golden colored wood and carved with intricate leaf designs, it was primely used in war to shoot enemies from a distance. She was not well known for her ability to shoot a standing target. Probably bad luck was blamed for this one, but she did try in the various archery tournaments she had been in. Still, her skill with the bow in the middle of a massive battle could not be underestimated. [She's a bad shot, but not really. Amazingly enough, this one isn't enchanted or indestructible. Must be why she doesn't use it much. -_-]

Guild: Other
Rank: i am not in a guild for now

Personality: I have basically described it in the appearance list. [So...your personality consists of a bunch of twinky weapons. Well, I'm not surprised.]

Mother: Kari Dukkering: She was killed during a Battle when Katrina was a mear Infant. [I want to know why she has a different name from her mother, especially when....] Father: Katrina does not know who he is.
Siblings: She does not know of any siblings because when she was able to leave her homeland, [...which is where?] she left everything behind..

Pet_name: Starlight
Pet_species: Horse
Pet_description: As stated above with the weapons' list, the horse headed dagger was able to call upon her horse, Starlight. This Arabian stallion was of a light gray, almost white, color and was very deserving of his name. Using the light of starts on clear nights, the horse was able to travel great distances in a very short period of time. [Sweet Irotana, even the horse is twinky.] At other times, Starlight was able to travel swiftly over land without tiring quickly. Nearly as chaotic as Katrina, Starlight loved the thrill of battle and eagerly charged into any engagement in his path.


I warned the mods not to let me reject this one, otherwise she was gonna end up naked and unarmed. They didn't listen to me. D: She hasn't replied to her long and detailed rejection, either. >>;