damned_colonial just announced the Geek Feminism wiki. Thought some folks here might be interested!

Hi, folks,

I'm very happy to see the progress Project Backup is making, and I think it a fantastically proactive approach to a persistent and nasty problem.

My question has to do with other arenas that might be helped by a Project Backup approach to life: specifically, professional conferences in library-IT-related areas. If you'd be interested in some of my firsthand experiences and reflections thereupon, try this or this or this or this or this (warning: they're pretty tame, but there's still a chance that one or two will be triggering).

There have recently been some blog posts in libraryland suggesting a middle-of-the-road IT con, aimed at people who have grown beyond needing to be handheld through fluffy Web 2.0 stuff but don't yet have the chops for the existing straight-up library-IT conferences. I think this is a good idea... but given my experiences, I think the point needs to be made strongly and forcefully that sexist behavior won't fly in this context. I also think Project Backup would be helpful infrastructure for such a conference.

So is it okay if I mention Project Backup in this context? Is there anything special I should say or do to avoid coloring outside the lines?

It's a one in a million chance that the woman who backed me up last week reads this comm, but here's what happened:

It's a little after noon on a bright, sunny day and I'm walking to work. As I pass a coffeeshop, with several other people sitting at outside tables, a shirtless, middle-aged, disheveled guy, mumbling something slurred, steps out to block my way. "Excuse me," I say, and try to move around him. He moves aggressively to block my way. It's a narrow sidewalk; I can't get around him without stepping out into traffic and getting hit by a car.

He says "Can I see your passport?" and reaches out for me, or possibly my purse. I am literally stunned-- it's broad daylight, there are people around, it's a busy street-- but I can't get around him, I sure as hell don't want to turn my back and walk away. I start yelling at him to get the fuck out of my way and he doesn't even blink, which is creepy in and of itself-- I mean we're in public. Most people, even aggressive panhandlers or whatever, have enough of a self-preservation instinct to back the hell off when a woman starts yelling "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME."

And all of a sudden a black car pulls up to the curb and I see a woman in the drivers' seat. She honks her horn, but in the heat of the moment I don't realize that she's reaching over to unlock the door of her car so I can get in-- all that I see is that, since she's stopped in the street, I can step off the sidewalk, zip around the guy blocking my way, walk away *fast*, and hop on the bus waiting at the end of the block. Which I did. I didn't even realize that she was stopping for *me* until two blocks away.

So:

Dear short-haired brunette in a black car (?) --

I didn't get a very good look at you, but thank you so much for the backup. If I hadn't been so stunned about being accosted in *broad daylight* on a busy street in front of a handful of other people (none of whom did *anything* except sit there frozen like statues-- not even to pull out their cellphones-- even when I was yelling "Let me past, don't you touch me...") then I probably would have hopped in your car and accepted a ride. But I sincerely appreciate the offer. And I'm kinda impressed with you. :) You couldn't have heard me yelling for more than a few seconds, but you clearly were perceptive and decisive enough to realize I wasn't just kidding around-- you didn't think to yourself, "Well, I bet those other people will do something about it, none of my business," and you *did* something about it. And you helped me get out of a bad situation. So thanks.

I should end this by saying "I hope I'm in a situation where I can offer my help someday" but honestly, I wish we lived in a world where I'd never have to. But if I have to, I hope I can be as quick-thinking and decisive as you were. Thanks, brunette in a black car.

-- Sincerely, Tall brunette in a red top with a silver purse

Just in the vein of talking and sharing and encouraging, I thought I'd mention this.

I was on the train to a friend's house last night, and a woman got on and was crying a little. I couldn't easily get to her at the time, but when I got off the train I asked her if she was okay, thinking that if she needed I could make sure she had money for a taxi or something.

She said that she'd seen her daughter for the first time in years that day, and that the daughter's father wouldn't let his daughter go home with her mum (the woman I was talking to). She said that she was okay, just a bit upset and that her husband was picking her up at the other end.

I wished her well and said that I was sorry that it had happened, that I hoped that with her family's help they'd be able to make something work.

One of the things that I want to mention about this is that here in Australia, our racism is insidious and obvious all at once, and that if the woman I spoke to had been a white woman, I am sure others would have gone to speak to her. But because she was indigenous she was invisible. There is a strong tendency to turn a blind eye to the indigenous people in our community, and I didn't want to be one of those people. I didn't want to hesitate and not back her up if she needed it.

I heeded the backup call today. Nothing dramatic involving daring rescue while swinging in using, as for example, a chandelier. But it's mine so here I am with the sharing.
( Though we can pretend I had a heroic theme song, if that helps )

I've read through the other posts and the FAQ, and I just wanted to address a possible issue and add some encouragement: don't be afraid to back-up "tough"-looking women!

I'm a 6' tall woman with a mohawk and a leather jacket practically sewn on, and while that gives me a slight edge as back-up, it seems to rather hinder* being on the receiving end. People seem to assume that I can handle harassment better than others who are smaller or dress in a more waif-ish style, which isn't true. I've been in many uncomfortable (and some downright scary) situations where I would have loved back-up, but I either couldn't make eye-contact with or was summed up and dismissed by nearby women.

So I'm asking you, dear Back Up, to remember that strength comes in numbers, not just muscles and height. You may feel silly backing up someone bigger or more bad-ass, but I guarantee they won't think you're silly at all.




* And it's made worse, I feel, by the special breed of asshole that deliberately seeks out strong women to threaten and intimidate.

Hey Back Up girls (and gentlemen in the Auxillary)!

I have been officially instated as part of the cosplay staff for San Japan 1.5, and would love to see the Project have a presence at the convention. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do things such as man tables, since I'll be sitting at the cosplay table for most of the convention.

However, if some kind and enterprising soul is also attending San Jap and would like to drop of some flyers, buttons and other informational material, I don't think the cosplay director would mind if I set them on one corner of the table.

Anyone besides me attending?

I just want to know what others are doing at their cons. Do you have buttons, do you talk to officals, what. I'm brand new staff at Anime Detour, and I really love this, and want to support it, and thus want to know what others have done and what their experiences are.

Are we going to have a presence here? Formal or Informal?

I'm probably going to be volunteering at the PRISM Comics booth and will see if they're amenable to me leaving a few buttons and PDFs in their freebies area.

I know it's most likely too late to officially do anything (I should've spoken up sooner; I've kind of got an in with the organizers, but the date's sneaking up on me and I didn't think), but will there be a Back Up Project presence at this convention?

I mean, my partner and I'll be there, but we're only two people. I'd be willing to order and pass out buttons with the flyers, certainly, but... I'd just like to know if there'll be others there. (I'd kind of like to organize a meetup....)

Oh, right, should probably introduce myself - you can call me Molly. Not my real name, but I kind of prefer it... no jokes about me being married to Tarzan with this one. (And yeah, that should make it obvious what my real name is. XD)

Does anyone have experience with Cafe Press orders to Canada? I'm just wondering if buttons ordered today would get here in time for a convention that's a month off.

Yes, I'm concom; no, I don't think we're doing anything official to endorse this project, as I only just heard about it recently and the deadline for our program book has come and gone. As a convention-goer I'll be wearing a button, explaining it to anyone who asks, and giving buttons to anyone who wants one. I'll put out flyers on the free table too.

Heya, folks! Chiming in to let you know that our plans for A-Kon 2008 are going ahead with only minor alterations (substituting the buttons with stickers) - if you're attending, be sure to stop by telophase's booth in the Artist's Alley (you'll have to find it yourself on Friday, no one's quite sure where it's going to be) to pick up a sticker/flyer combo of your very own.


We'll probably have extra flyers (PDF version here if anyone's interested) and stickers at the end of the con - I'll be offering up surplus to the community at large so watch this space for updates, yes?

So, in response to nos4a2no9's (honestly far more impressive) backing-up story, which all of you should read and go give props to her for, vito_excalibur asked me to share mine.

Sharing it brings up another issue, however. For the purposes of this post, I have to decline to tell you what event this occurred at. For one, I am staff for that event, which brings up all kinds of other issues; for another, it's a small event, which means that for many people, outing the event would be about the same as outing the person it happened to. For purposes of setting, however, suffice it to say it was a small (250-300 people) weekend-long festival held at a state park group camp.


On the one hand, I was proud and righteous in my anger. On the other, I was sorry that we couldn't do more for her, and a little ashamed that "my" story of the backing-up was only the telling. In fairness, there's a reason we have a security team - and our security team does take harassment and violence against women seriously. However, there's little to no chance she ever would have reported it to a pack of strangers, much less strange men. So I still feel like I did my part in backing up one woman who needed it.

This raises a question, people of backupproject : how are strategies different when a domestic violence situation comes to festival or con?

nos4a2no9 is a hero of the revolution.

Read about her seriously putting her own self on the line to back another woman up. That's awesome.

I added a whole bunch of links to the website. Please do let me know of others you think belong there!

Change Happens: the SAFER blog has a post up about "bystander training". Check it out! Some of the linked stuff is really good, too.

I have a situation to throw out to the community, to see where it can fit into the project. This project is primarily focused on women who do not know the woman they are helping, but what about backing up people you know? More specifically, how would friends address friends who are not backing up someone on the grounds that they "have said yes in the past" or another reason?

I ask this because I often am the victim of unwelcome attentions, but people have trouble breaking through my personal Someone Else's Problem field and helping me, even when they are friends who personally know me. I'm not sure whether it's because I frequently exude the attitude of You Touch Me I Hurt You, or because nine times out of ten I am the rescuer, not the rescuee. Take the following situation for example:

Creepy Guy was following me around at convention. This was my first convention, so I was at first oblivious from the sheer "OMG look over there this is awesome I'm having so much fun" factor. When I did notice him following me, I tried to shake him, but to no avail. I didn't want to go back to my room (God forbid he knew where I slept), but none of my friends seemed to realize anything was going on. The guy finally confronted me, and because I believe in not being an asshole to people I barely know, I attempted to carry on a conversation while simultaneously blasting all of the Get Away From Me vibes I could. Finally, I had to flat-out tell him that I didn't appreciate him following me. After the situation was over, I turned to my friends, who had been standing there watching the whole thing.

"Hey," I said, "I could have used a little bit of help there."

"Oh," Friend said. "Well, you looked like you were handling yourself. Besides, I know you, and he was cute."

I want to stop and focus on that sentence for a minute. "I know you." The source of this is that I am a bisexual, polyamorous, sex-positive person. Many of my straight, monogamous friends regard me as this sort of hippie-type free-love person who really doesn't care who she sleeps with. This couldn't be farther from the truth: I'm poly, not easy. But the fact remains that when I get into a situation that I would like to be helped out of, my friends often disregard this situation as, "Oh, Fara is just trying to get laid again. She does that sometimes, you see - she likes having con sex. It's hella fun for her. Just ignore it, if she doesn't like the guy/girl, we won't see him/her again."

I guess I'm just trying to point out that backing up strangers is all well and good, but just because you know a person and you know that they've accepted offers of casual sex before doesn't mean you should back them up any less. If they seem skeeved out, it doesn't matter if they're the most sex-positive person you know, they still shouldn't be left to deal with the problem on their own.

hey all! I am thinking of links to add to the links list on the website.

So far here is what I have come up with:
Equality Now: http://www.equalitynow.org/
Women for Women International: http://www.womenforwomen.org/

but there must be more I am not thinking of or not familiar with, with particular focuses on women-supporting-women, male allies, women in sf, women in comics, etc. suggestions welcome!

edit: I am reading the links that coffeeandink put up this morning, and was thinking I should add at least "Beside My Sister, Facing the Enemy" to our links list -- there are still two links on that post I haven't read yet -- opinions from other folks?

Hey all! The first version of the FAQ is now up on the website. Huge, huge thanks to desdenova for putting it together.

as always, open to comment!

The Details

A-kon Website
When: May 30 + 31, June 1
Where: Dallas, Texas
What: Anime Convention

The very, very rough Plan

telophase has a table in Artist's Alley and is working with rachelmanija and I to make up a couple hundred buttons and quarter-page flyers for distribution (the buttons'll be attached to the flyers, see).

If you'd like to chip in for costs, have a table in the AA or dealer's room and would like buttons to distribute, have an idea/comment/question, or just want to let folks know you'll be attending the con, leave a note in the comments.