NOTE: I will warn you, this is going to be a bit of a long ramble of love, I have a lot on my mind and I thought, if I wrote it all down into words that maybe I would be able to think more about things to talk with Stuart rather than love all day long, no doubt, that I will later tonight or tomorrow... but I hope that I won't be ranting as much as I am now.
Recently, when talking to Stuart online since we stopped playing Guild Wars as often as we used too, I am talking a lot more about love and also being a lot more quiet than usual with him online. It gets sort of hard when I want to talk to him about something, but I usually get concerned that I will upset him or make him angry, even bored if I talk about something he isn't interested in. So usually, I repeat the phrases 'ilove you' and 'i am sorry' over and over. Hell, I don't know how many times I have used them in ONE sentence, I guess it is getting a bit crazy now.
A lot of things crop up into my mind, the way I treated him before we were together, what will happen in the future, hell even what will happen the next time I see him, but for once, I wish that I could start a long conversation with him online as well as offline. I mean, I CAN talk about things.. I just melt.. well I don't know how I can explain it, I just want to talk about love and think about him..
I really really wish I could try harder. It isn't that I am not trying, but eventually, when I run out of things to say, I just talk about that.
I am going to get better soon, but I think the only thing that will help, will be seeing him longer than 2 days a week when we go back to college.
*sighs* rant over, I really hope that will help my mind and that I can discuss something OTHER with stuart.. but I don't think I will.