Replacing Fantasies with Reality and Understanding

Introduction

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 08:37:03 GMT

So after being called a sexist, racist, and colonialist on interracial for dating an Asian woman, your friendly neighbourhood mod came on the scene and told me that this is the place to go if I'm looking for serious insight into Asian/Caucasian relationships. This is fine by me as I'm not sure I really want to have to earn my B.A. in gender politics before I marry my girlfriend.

Which brings me to an important point: in real life, nobody cares if I'm dating an Asian woman. In fact, when I met my girlfriend's mother she told me spend lots of time at her daughter's house because she needs someone to "look after her" ;-) In my hometown of Vancouver, Canada, we have so many Asian/Caucasian pairings nobody looks twice.

Which makes me wonder, is it just the internet where this matter is politicized? Or is this more appropriately an American phenomenon? And why is there such a backlash against WM/AF relationships?

Funny film on Asian Dating

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 07:06:33 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63bWYFGBTuE

An Asian guy on Campus tries to figure out why White guys are getting Asian girls, and he can't get a date.

Sure, it plays up the stereotypes, but it's funny nonetheless.

Still checking out the related films. I'm on dial-up, so you know this was worth the wait.

Boing!

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:14:23 GMT

Michelle Wie turns 18 today.

That is all.

A question from an American girl

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 05:35:13 GMT

Hello everyone~

My nickname is Rin, so please feel free to call me by that name. Hopefully I can be more helpful in the community then just asking questions.

I have a lot to ask but I am still not sure what is and isn't allowed. I'm tired and did not read the rules thoroughly. I would rather wait and be safe then get in trouble, so until then~!

Sincerely,
Rin

Advice to a Canadian guy pursuing a Japanese girl

Mon, 21 May 2007 03:02:58 GMT

I recently came across this on a message board completely unrelated to interracial dating (in the "unrelated tangents" forum, of course). After I wrote my response, I thought that it might also be good to post it here too. This community has been pretty quiet lately.

Quote:
I'm thinking of going out with a Japanese woman. Her culture is Japanese, she lives in Canada (most of the year) but she hasn't for long and her English isn't very strong.

The above just to underscore my dilemma: Are there certain faux pas or easily misunderstood actions I should watch out for in regards to our cultural differences?

All my concerns are in the form of "X is normal in Canada but is considered extremely crude/rude/offensive in Japan". Also I'm curious about "Y action is considered a big affirmation of desire in Japan but is hardly of note in Canada". Of course, the reverse questions (where the assumption of concervativeness goes to Canada instead of Japan) would also be on-topic.

My reply:

Asian women aren't mystical creatures who are far removed from women who originate elsewhere in the world. Western-style chivalry should work just fine. Treat her like a unique woman first and consider her "Japanese-ness" as a far distant second.

If she's conservative and traditional, you might need to be a little more mindful of your manners than you are used to being, but you don't need to adhere to any arcane etiquette from the feudal samurai era. I don't think there are any magical no-nos you can make. There isn't some simple, seemingly innocent, common Canadian thing you can say or do that will make her suddenly announce that you have dishonored her ancestors and you are forever forbidden from entrance to her panties. Just behave yourself like you would with any other woman (if you are an asshole with other women, now is a good time to change). Let her set the level of discourse. That means don't start making any dirty jokes until she does and then don't try to one-up her.

In Asia, physical contact between men and women is a bit of a bigger deal than in western countries. I think Japan is rather less touchy-feely than most. It's ok to offer your hand to her when it's chivalrously appropriate (when she's getting out of a car, etc.), but don't grab at her. Just make it clear that it's an ok option for her to grab you. If she's not that conservative and traditional (you already know that or you'll figure it out soon enough), then you can be a little freer with the physical contact (if that's how you normally act with the Canadian girls you date).

I can't tell you when it is or isn't the right time to kiss her. You just have to figure that out on your own. Odds are very good that you will have to make that first move and she probably won't be nice enough to make it blindingly obvious that the time is right. The good news is that the body language cues shouldn't be much different from Canadian girls, the bad news is that cultural cues can get in the way (she might shyly avoid eye contact a lot more than you are used to which means the animal part of your brain that picks up on things like pupil dilation will have less data to work with). Unless you happened to hit things off so well that you spent the whole night talking and baring your souls to each other without realizing how late it has gotten, it's a safe bet that the end of the first date may be sooner than her ideal time if she's a really traditional woman. A lot of younger women in their early 20s and younger are less strict about that kind of thing, but some older women still prefer a slower pace (and regardless of her age, she can go against the trend set by the majority of her peers: remember that you are dating one woman who happens to be Japanese, you aren't dating "all Japanese women"). Figuring out when, if ever, that first kiss happens is all on your shoulders. The only real advice I can give you is this: you don't need to do anything weird. Just kiss her the way you would kiss any other woman. She's going to want romance like any other woman would, so if the mood is right, don't kill it by asking permission or announcing that you would like to kiss her. Just lean in and do it but don't sneak up on her, make sure she sees it coming, unless she has specifically mentioned earlier that she thinks a kiss should be a surprise (and if she's volunteering information about what kind of kisses she likes, you're probably waiting too long). And don't try to swallow her head in one bite.

For her weaker English: Speak clearly and try not to use a lot of unusual slang that she doesn't know. Try to speak in full but short sentences. Phrase your questions using traditional grammar (i.e. "Are you hungry?" or "Do you like this song?") instead of just using intonation to make a statement into a question, such as "You like this song?" That kind of sentence can sound like a statement to native speakers of a lot of Asian languages (that might not be a problem because Japanese is an atonal language, but students with tonal first languages like Chinese, Vietnamese, or Thai have trouble recognizing a question from your tone of voice because tonal languages use syntax to show questions). Don't finish her sentences for her if she pauses to think of a word. That's really annoying and doesn't make her think that you're on the same wavelength or reading her mind. Wait for her to say something like "How do you say...?" before you jump in. Some people just need to take a moment to focus on pronunciation even when they know the words they want to say. Be patient and don't interrupt.

Most, if not all, of this advice isn't specific to Japanese women and that's my main point. Japanese women aren't fundamentally different from other women. Just be a gentlemen like I hope you have been with the Canadian women you have dated. You are dating her, not Japan or Japanese culture. Talk about her, not Japan. It's fine to use differences between Japan and Canada as conversation topics, but remember to focus everything through her. What does she find different? What does she think of this or that? Make it about her. Showing a genuine and sincere interest in her personally is the best compliment you can give her and it isn't something that she can humbly dismiss as simple flirtatious flattery.

If you are more interested in dating "a Japanese girl" than you are in dating "this specific girl who happens to come from Japan", then don't even ask her out.

---------------

So, are there any thoughts from the community about my reply? Was I right on the mark or way off base? Somewhere in between? I don't have a lot of personal experience with Japanese people. Two of my friends married Japanese girls, but I haven't really spent a lot of time with them in person or talked a lot about their courtships (since I am in Southeast Asia and one of those friends is in New York City and the other bounces back and forth between Japan and California). My main experience has been with people from China and Southeast Asia and the general consensus here seems to be that Japanese people are, in fact, different from everyone else (but I'm pretty sure that's just a result of prejudice against the Japanese). Anyone have any additional insights to offer or want to tell me that I'm an ignorant cracker?

Greetings!

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 14:25:08 GMT

Hello! I'm Keila and I'd like to introduce myself.
I am a pale, pale white American girl living in Japan with a really awesome Japanese boyfriend. I wouldn't say I have an Asian 'fetish' as I would be willing to date any nice guy from any race who asked me out, it's just that my boyfriend beat any other guy from any race to it. ^_^

I really, really, really like my boyfriend, and he is totally cool with me being not Japanese. His friends are cool with me too. And his mother LOVES me. So I have no issues with his side of the family, which is where most issues come up from (Japanese mothers or fathers wanting their sons to marry Japanese, meanwhile a daughter wanting to marry a foreigner isn't so bad in most situations).

It's MY side of the family who has the issues. Well... my mother at least. She told me to my face (over webcam) when I told her about my boyfriend, "Congrats! ^_^ I hope it all goes well!" Then she told my little sister (who told me), behind my back, "I hope it's not serious. He's Japanese." She's also told me she would never accept me having an African-American or Middle Eastern boyfriend or husband when we talked about me dating. She's somewhat racist, but never raised us in those belifs (thank goodness).

At frist when I heard about this I was mad, not unreasonably. She probably thinks that he'll try to turn me into a 'submissive, the man comes first' kind of girl. Like hell he would be able to! I wouldn't let him! He's even told me he would never want me like that, he loves my spunk. ^_^ So she has nothing to worry about. And my opinion is that I spent 22 years of my life (I'm 24) trying to make her happy, and now, I'm going to concentrate on making myself happy, and if that means a boyfriend or husband of an 'unapproved race' then oh well.

Apparently couples like mine are gaining some... popularity here. There's a Japanese TV show called "Watashi no Okusan wa Gaikokujin" or "My Wife is a Foreigner" where they feature foreign women who married Japanese guys for love and are living in Japan. Of the women featured, so far, none are Korean or Chinese, which make up like... 90% of foreign wives in Japan. They are all obviously foreign. The shorts on the couples include how they met, any obsticles they had to overcome (one American women was rejected by her boyfriends mother and aunt, until she charmed his grandmother, then they accepted her), and what they've done to try and 'fit in' in Japanese life. Then they interview the couple, then have a video segment where they give the wife money for an 'enkai', or party, where she makes a dish from her country (one American ex-GI who married Japanese guy made beer battered ribs). It's interesting, but rather superficial.

And... I think I'll shall stop there as it is late, my parents are arriving tomorrow, and I think I may be becoming annoying... Thanks for letting me rant!

Traditional Dance!

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 17:11:21 GMT

I'm going back to the Philippines in February for my Grandparents 50th Anniversary. My mom just told me that every family is going to do something special like talent. So I have to come up with something just my mom and I. I was thinking a traditional dance. She doesn't want to do the tinikling. I mentioned the dance with the Coconuts the Maglalatik dance. I went on youtube.com and found some videos. It's a dance for guys to do but it should be fun if my mom and I did it. Does anyone have any sugguestions? I have to learn a dance in less than 4 months and find some good music. I'm not sure how I feel about the traditional music for the dancing but I did see some dances and they made there own version of it w/ new music. I already ordered the coconuts online from tatak.com. Not sure what to wear though.

So i'm asking for any suggestions for dances, clothes, music...anything for a hidden talent or something for two people.

Thanks!

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 15:21:25 GMT

It was my daugters (Lily) first day at Nursery today.
She looked so grown up, smartly dressed in her uniform.

So I'll Introduce Myself!

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 04:59:35 GMT

Hi, I'm obviously new to this community. I found it while searching for interracial couples.

My name is Emily and I am 18 years old. I was adopted by two Caucasian parents when I was 5 months old from Seoul, South Korea, so I haven't been that exposed to Korean culture. My mom did try to get me into some fan dancing lessons and I took the 5 Drum Dance, but that's been about it. I started dating a Caucasian guy in 2004 named Ben who is 19. Some people make fun of him saying he has an "Asian fetish" or is obssessed with Asia, just because he wants to learn to some cultural things about Korea and Japan. I love him all the same. We've been together for 2 years now. Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself!

Ben with our chinchilla, Pokey.

Me with our hamster PigPig.

Us at my high school graduation.

Us before/at my prom.

us just being...us.

Intro

Thu, 25 May 2006 04:51:58 GMT

Hi everyone *wave*

I stumbled across this community when I was looking at couple communities...
My name is Vi (i'm chinese/vietnamese) and I'm 26 (i know.. old huh? LOL). I'm dating a white guy name Dave, who's turning 25 (yea, i'm also a cradle snatcher too.. lol.. but look at the bright side I also have a toyboy! LOL). We are from Sydney down in Aussieland (Australia). We are completely opposites and there are days where we sit there and look at each other and can't believe we have been together for over 3 years... we have our ups and downs but mostly ups.

I'm interested in meeting other people who are in interracial relationships :D

ps. cool community :D

Fixed

Mon, 01 May 2006 18:08:34 GMT

Well, he said he didn't mean to post it here....

So, how do you respond to racist garbage like this?

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 22:32:59 GMT

I posted an innocent enough ad on CraigsList, and I got spammed with this cut and paste FAQ, apparently from a site called AsianAvenue (I haven't looked it up). No commentary was attached to it. Apparently the person who sent it thought it spoke for itself. Of course, in this case, the ad itself didn't mention my race - the sender must have assumed I was white, in fact, the ad was kind of questioning the assumptions some people bitching about ISO SAF type ads were making (Since none of those ads mentioned the submissive quiet woman stereotype as a desirable quality).

I have my own thoughts about this racist piece of trash, based as it clearly is on the racist underpinnings of your typical Ethnic Studies department at your typical college, but I'll save them for later. Although I should share at some point that I was treated once to a "Paper" that used the "Orientalism" term to refer to Shakira's popularity, along with enormous other piles of rubbish that a true fan like myself would probably smack the author for saying. (How a Colombian/Lebanese woman being true to her own culture and adamantly directing her own career is translated into exploitation by white men is something that can only make sense in the rarified atmosphere of academia. I think they don't get enough oxygen up there.)

What is Asiaphilia?
Asiaphilia is the objectification and exotification of Asian culture, including Asian women and Asian men. Often this is done without the perpetrator being conscious of it. On the contrary, he may think that his "preference" for Asian women is a form of flattery and tribute to the Asian culture. But what he has done is created an "other." This "other" is something that he can admire from a distance, that he does not have to engage in full. Essentially he is taking a culture and stripping it of its inherent worth, creating a perception of that culture that serves only him, and is beneficial to only him. He takes what is trendy or convenient and leaves the rest as carnage. This is a false and damaging appreciation of another culture. Most Asiaphiles will defend themselves on that assertion by saying that they have developed interpersonal relatinships with the Asian women they are with, making that women more than a "perception," into a "reality." While this is not a complete fallacy, these relationships more often than not are built on foundations of fetishization. It is very evident from the statement of alleged Asiaphiles on AsianAvenue that they approach women based strictly on a racialized perceptions. Clear examples of this come from members like Asian_Lover who say that "Asian girls are more educated and always dress nice," or Ilikecuteasians who asserts that Asain women have that "cute little Asian accent, and that `exotic` factor." These stereotypes are hamful to our community because it paints us as objects first and humans second, not to mention that these perceptions are complete fabrications of white male fantasy.

Where does Asiaphilia come from?
Contrary to popular belief, Asiaphilia, known in academic circles as "Orientalism," is not simply about innocent preference, like a man preferring blondes to redheads. Asiaphilia is insidiously rooted in colonialism and white supremacy. White men are distinctly responsible for colonialism and white supremacy. This separates white male Asiaphilia from that of all other non-Asians who "prefer" Asians as mates. When white men manifest their desire for Asian women or culture, they are revisiting hundreds of years of oppressive behavior. This prolonged position of dominance in society has created a mentality of entitlement for white men. White men feel that they are not only entitled to the percieved loots of Asian culture, but they feel they are entitled to pick and choose from that culture, as if they were shopping for heritage. The exotification of Asia comes from Western dominance and white supremacy. Thus when white men engage in Asiaphilia, the ramifications and power dynamics are completely different (though no less harmful) than if a black man or white women engages in it. The images of the docile, exotic, mysterious, dangerous, yet strangely alluring Asia is a white male concoction. This image was created to subordinate Asia and create a separatist mentaility to Asian people. Asia was the exotic "other." This mentality justified imperialism and most other injustices against the East at the hands of the West. It is ironic that white men think in order to break that separatist mentality they should engage in the very stereotypes that created the "otherness."

Who can be an Asiaphile?
An Asiaphile can be any non-Asian person who "appreciates" Asian culture at a superficial or patronizing level (some would argue that non-Asians can only appreaciate Asian culture at a superficial or patronizing level). However, as stated previously, white men created the perceptions that birthed Asiaphilia as we know it. Thus their engagement in Asiaphilia has much deeper ramifications. However, this is not to skirt the issue with black men, white women, and all other non-Asians who cruise AAve looking for the perfect manifestation of the exotic Asia created by white men. You're equally disgusting.

Why is this issue important?
Although this issue is embarrassing to white men, we are not here to ridicule them per se. This issue is completely pertinent to the topic of Asian American/Canadian community. This is why Asian Avenue exists, to provide community (or so they say). Community is important because it gives us a sense of ourselves, it gives us a rallying point from which to share our experiences as a non-dominant culture. Community empowers us. It is essential to our identity formation. There is no social or political progress without a sense of community first. Asiaphilia is detrimental to the community, because it perpetuates stereotypes and thus perpetuates the oppression against our people. It cuts at the fabric of our community. It plays off of our colonized mindsets.

So, what are your thoughts about this hit piece in favor of "keeping to your own kind" and blaming an entire race (indeed all non-asians) for the mis-stated history of people who are not even necessarily their ancestors?

Okay, I JUST Might be prejudicing the thread here a bit....

Introduction

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 08:52:08 GMT

I'm not exactly sure if I'm in the right place, but I'm an asian dating a non asian.

Hi. My name is Michelle Zhang. I am 18 years old, and if you couldn't tell by my last name I am fully and completely Chinese. I am 18 years old and I'm engaged to the most wonderful Jewish man to ever live. We've known each other since third grade, been friends since sixth, and have been dating since eleventh grade.

I guess this whole asian fetish thing never really struck me in any way. My fiance does have a thing for asians, but that's not the reason he loves me.

No one really stares or gives us second glances, but I do notice that the whole "asian" thing is always brought up with our parents. Both parents.

It's mainly strange for my parents, me being the first person EVER in my family being raised in America (not born though. that will be my children. ^_^) so it's odd for my family to see me date a "non-chinese boy."

My parents are totally cool with him, though they don't know we're engaged. Of course if he was an asian we probably still wouldn't tell my parents because they would freak out regardless, but his parents know and fully support it.

I think it's just the area I live in where these kind of relationships are more accepted.

I'm really interested in seeing how other people's experiences have been.

'ello

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 18:03:07 GMT

Heya ^^ My names Jessi, I'm caucasian and I'm currently dating an asian :)
He's Japanese/Phillipino born in Manilla Phlippenes. I'm very happy with him but we often receive alot of stares. I'm about 5"6 blue eyes blonde hair and athleticly built, hes bout 5"9 black hair brown eyes and real lean. I'm a little confused as to why so many people stare, is it because we're so diffrent? Or could it be other reasons?

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:36:31 GMT

There's an interesting thread in the vietnamese LJ community that I think might be of interest to the people in this group. If you aren't already monitoring the vietnamese community, you can check out the thread here:

http://community.livejournal.com/vietnamese/320900.html

Short summary: It's about Asian girls just automatically assuming they won't have Asian husbands later in life.

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 23:49:09 GMT

Hi, my name is Ile, I'm new! I found this community through one of my asian friends. w00t!

I'm 17 years old, and I'm Hispanic. However, I've been so thoroughly Americanized that even hispanics can't tell I'm Hispanic. But even more so, everyone can outwardly tell that I am completely into East Asian culture, and for years I've been labeled the name (which I also see a lot in this community) "Asian Wannabe".

Since elementary school, I've had a deep interest especially in Japanese culture, all beginning with anime (Sailor Moon, etc). Since then, I got into the music (J-Rock especially) and my sister had been teaching me Japanese. By the time I got into high school, I got to skip a year of Japanese study and was immediatly at the top of my class. For every year of high school, I was captain of our school's National Japan Bowl Competition team, a competition hosted by Washington D.C. and Tokyo, Japan that is televised in Japan. I've also studied abroad in Japan for six weeks this past summer, so now I have a loving Japanese family who tell me that Ehime, Japan is my hometown.

But it's not only Japanese that I'm into. I happen to live in a town called Annandale, a.k.a "Seoul" because it is seriously Korea-Town, USA. Just by growing up here, I've learned to fluently read and write in Korean (well, my sister taught me that, too, but being surrounded by Koreans and Korean stores helps!) In northern Virginia, we have mostly all Koreans and Viets, and barely any Japanese at all, which makes my interest a peculiar one.

But also, people have been noticing my romantic interest to be especially in Asian guys. Outside of having bajillions of Asian friends, I haven't really thought to myself that part of what I was looking for in a guy was his Asianness. It's not true. Others think that may be so because I tend to think that, well, lots of asian guys are hot. I can't help who I'm attracted to, and I've had my share of non-Asian crushes. ^^ I happen to be into this Viet guy right now, who I think may also be interested in me, and I hope this can work out. Gyar. Especially recently, I've been discovering how increasingly attracted I'm getting into Asian guys. Woah. ... >.> I'll just have to get used to the "Asian Wannabe" name calling-- it's not like it's a dis, anyways!

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:39:37 GMT

hey everybody ! i'm new so ..i guess i'll introduce myself
my name is jenny
i'm supositively 100% chinese, with huge unconventional eyes.
I'm currently dating a latino , hot!!
My parents doesnt know about him cuz i think they'll freak. Plus he's not asian, my parents prefer me marrying another asian. its so stupid

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 01:39:45 GMT

Hi everyone ♥

I'm new here as well. the name's Emily, and I'm bisexual. I like Asian men more than any other races, though with women I don't have the same thing. Sometimes I find myself going wtf? But that's the fact of the matter. Who knows what's going on in this insane hormone-raged head. Oh, and I'm a whitey. Scottish-Austrian, mostly.

I'm currently trying to get this boy at school - I think he's Korean? - so we'll see how that goes. I've seen him around for ages, and he's so handsome. I'm really into lots of Asian things, so I do hope that he sees I like him for his presentation and personality, not just because he's Asian. I don't want to scare him off. anyhow.

Nice to meet you!

Disparity in Asian/White Couples (Or, Why is it always a White Guy?)

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 00:59:46 GMT

This is about 10 years old now, but it still offers a lot of insights. There is a lot of opinion in it, but also some hard numbers.

http://faqs.jmas.co.jp/FAQs/intercultural-couples/asian-white-disparity

It offers many different explanations for why the white male/Asian female couple is so much more common than their Asian male/white female counterparts. Not all of them apply to all couples and some of them even seem kind of shallow (at times, insultingly so), but some of you may see yourselves in this.

I know that I personally found a few things that apply to me and my girlfriend. For example, the height thing. We're practically caricatures of our races. She's very slim and petite for an Asian girl and I'm HUGE next to her. The height/build thing definitely applies in our case. I love being able to pick her up and toss her in the air and she loves the whole gentle giant/restrained power thing I have going on.

What do you think?

man, people are out of control!

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 20:37:15 GMT

this is old but i just came across it:

TARANTINO ORDERED TO STAY 500 FEET AWAY FROM ASIAN WOMEN
Judge issues restraining order after viewing "Kill Bill: Volume 1"

Hollywood - Writer/director Quentin Tarantino has been ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from all women of Asian descent by a judge who viewed his new film, "Kill Bill, Volume 1."Based on an "evident and disturbing cultural fetish," the court order was issued by Judge Harold Anderson of Federal District Court in Los Angeles.
"This court finds that defendant Quentin Tarantino poses a threat to the emotional well being of Asian and Asian-American women with whom he comes into contact," Anderson wrote. "In my many years, I have never seen such an extreme example of cultural fetishization and stalker-like fascination with a foreign culture – particularly the role of women in it."
The 90-day temporary restraining order requires Tarantino to flee to at least a 500-foot radius whenever he sees an Asian woman.
________________

here for the rest:

http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2003/11/03/tarantino-ordered-to-stay-500-feet-away-from-asian-women/

Wannabe Asian?

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 07:00:54 GMT

Hi. I thought I'd introduce myself.

My name is Maria. I'm white, 18 years old. I've spent much of my life deeply involved in Asian culture. I love Japan especially, and I've studied the language and culture for four years now. I just entered university, and I'm majoring in Asian Studies, focusing mainly on Japan.

There are two things that bother me about my personal image. The first is that because not only do I love Asian culture, I tend to prefer the company of Asians. My roommate is Japanese, my boyfriend is Japanese, and most of my friends are Japanese or Korean. Because of this, most of my American friends say I'm a "wannabe Asian". A Chinese-American girl even told me I had an Asian fetish the other day! The funny thing is, most of my Asian friends have told me, "Maria, I think your heart is Asian," and have been kind about my interest in their culture. I have no idea why I fit in better with my Asian friends, but I do. I can't control the people I feel comfortable hanging around with. And if the people I tend to like to hang out with are mostly Asian, why does this make me a wannabe Asian? The negative stigma bothers me.

Number two: A lot of older adults, upon hearing that I'm a Japanese major, ask me if I want to marry a Japanese man. I have no idea why they ask me this based solely on my major. These are generally strangers who know nothing about me except my major. I had, in the past, replied that I didn't really care either way. I just recently started dating a guy from Kobe, and our relationship is going swimmingly. The only thing is, I have to put up with people accusing me of being a wannabe Asian all over again, or of having an Asian fetish. It seems that when people see me and Takashi together, they remark that it was only a matter of time that I dated an Asian.

It feels good to be able to rant to other people who understand how it feels to be in my shoes. I love my country very much. I'm proud to be an American and I am proud of my background (I'm Greek and French-Canadian). So why, why, why do I constantly feel like I'm being accused of being a wannabe?

where do "white" people stand in the politically correct world

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 04:18:59 GMT

i'm in the east asian program at my university and i learn a lot about asian culture which brings a lot of various topics to mind. i also recently watched an episode of law and order SVU about white supremists that made my blood boil (as that topic ALWAYS does) AND i had a debate about being "white" or something else with some family yesterday (read the details in my comment to someone else's post if your interested - i forget whose) SO....i've been thinking about this A LOT recently.
i'm "white" and encounter racism quite frequently although it's not like what you see on tv - hateful racist remarks thrown towards others. i'm not going to go into any examples right now because that isn't my issue at the moment. why is it that people assume that because i'm white i don't feel an injustice of eqaulity? every "minority" (if you can still call it that) race claims to desire racial eqaulity but i don't think that's true. if it was then the same standards that apply to minority races would also apply to white people. it is considered offensive to some people to say "black". you should say aferican-american. NO ONE can say red when they refer to native americans or canadians. you don't say yellow. etc. i know that white people are caucasian but rarely anyone ever says that (unless the news has to give a description of someone).
i don't REALLY know what my point is other than that i don't like that it always seems to be white vs. everyone else. the whole reason i came here to write this was because the last post i read, someone commented as all other races as "people of colour". hey! i have a colour too! who came up with white anyway? that should really only refer to albinos. i don't take offensive to being called white. i call myself white. but i don't like that someone would say that i don't have colour. granted, it's very pale, but it IS there! look at like, jessica simpson... SHE has colour. or someone more natural perhaps...
in general, i'm just frustrated by racism a lot lately.

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 19:07:27 GMT

Ok, a little bit of setting of the stage: I'm a giant white guy (6' tall, just under 200 pounds, broad shoulders) and my girlfriend is a tiny Asian woman (5' tall, about 90 pounds soaking wet in a sweater). I prefer Asian women, but not to the extent that I pursue them exclusively. That's just my preference. I was happy to find this group (although a different name would be a bit less embarrassing to include in my profile) because it's always kind of bugged me that some people make a big deal out of it. If you say you prefer redheads, no one cares. "Gentlemen prefer blondes"? No one bats an eye. But if I say "I like Asian women" people ask "Do you have some kind of fetish?" or some joke about "ancient Chinese secrets" (of course, the most disturbing are the people who do have a fetish and agree a little too enthusiastically). I didn't really set out to find an Asian girlfriend, but I saw her and I thought "Wow, she's really cute. I probably don't stand a chance but what do I have to lose?" I started talking with her, we hit things off, and I asked her out. We've been together ever since.

I had an incredible weekend with her, but there were a few things that bugged me that I wanted to rant about. Whenever we go out, there is always at least one person who gives us a dirty look but this last weekend, I saw it a lot more. We stopped to get something to eat at a Chinese restaurant that she had eaten at once before. Our Chinese waitress was rather rude (in a "here you go, now I'm outta here" kind of way) during the few brief moments we saw her. My girlfriend wrote it off by saying that Chinese people are rude anyway (like Parisians, I guess). I've noticed a lot of people giving us dirty looks when we're together with the dirtiest looks of all generally coming from single Asian men and Asian women who are with Asian men. Oddly, the men in Asian couples don't seem to care. I'm guessing the single guys feel like I'm robbing them somehow and the guys in couples don't care because they already have a woman of their own.

This whole "interracial" thing just seems so weird to me because I never learned to think of Asians (or Hispanics for that matter) as a separate race. My hometown was almost entirely caucasian (of German, Polish, or French-Canadian ancestry) with a few Asians and Chippewa Indians. I learned all my "races are different" stuff from television, but if you watched TV in the 1980s it seemed to be basically "black people" and "everyone else". I watched M.A.S.H. and saw someone named Kim and they were "Korean". Soon Tek Oh is "Korean". Bruce Lee was "Chinese". Gedde Watanabe is "Japanese". Chico was "Puerto Rican". Those are nationalities. My friend Bryan (like most of my friends) was "Polish" and the two sides of my family were "French" and "German". I just didn't see how coming from Korea made someone a different race any more than coming from Poland. But, Arnold and Willis Jackson were "black" and B.A. Barracus was "black". "Black" was a race, but all the different kinds of Asian were just nationalities to me. Polacks come from Poland. If there was a country called "Bland" where the "Blacks" came from, I probably wouldn't have figured out that they were a different race either. I think I was twelve the first time I ever heard anyone refer to an Asian as "not white" and I just said "Huh? Then what is she? She isn't black." I think that may have been around the same time that I saw "White (other than Hispanic)" and "Hispanic" as options on a form.

I consider myself lucky that I never really learned to think in racial distinctions like that. I feel kind of weird being around people who do think that way. I feel like I'm doing something completely normal, like making a PB&J sandwich, and running into people who see it and say "EEeeww, you mix peanut butter and jelly together? That's gross!" I'm just constantly amazed that people find this unacceptable (or at least unusual). I don't really have anything new to add to what has been said here many times before this. I guess I just wanted to say "me too" to the community.

waves

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 23:21:51 GMT

I'm a new member, and hopeful! :)

I am white (mostly) and my husband of 7 years is Filipino American. I am also an African American Studies major and maintainter of ap_racism.

I'd love to chat more about Asian American/interracial issues-- especially the socio-political position of Asian American men and the imbalance in white-Asian relationships by gender. If anyone has any other Asian American forums to recommend, I am all ears!

Thanks.

Asian Political Influence

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 21:17:30 GMT

Asian Political Influence Grows in U.S. By SARA KUGLER, Associated Press Writer
Thu Sep 29, 1:57 PM ET

NEW YORK - Mayor Michael Bloomberg quietly slipped away from City Hall one morning last week to meet with York Chan, the powerful community leader known as the "mayor of Chinatown." A day earlier, Chan sat down with Fernando Ferrer, the Democrat challenging Bloomberg in November.

"Two candidates in 24 hours — that never happened before," Chan said during an interview in his office above bustling Mott Street in the heart of the Chinese neighborhood. "They used to ignore us."

Further Reading
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050929/ap_on_re_us/mayor_s_race_asians

Replacing Fantasies with Reality and Understanding

Introduction

Funny film on Asian Dating

Boing!

A question from an American girl

Advice to a Canadian guy pursuing a Japanese girl

Greetings!

Traditional Dance!

So I'll Introduce Myself!

Intro

Fixed

So, how do you respond to racist garbage like this?

Introduction

'ello

Disparity in Asian/White Couples (Or, Why is it always a White Guy?)

man, people are out of control!

Wannabe Asian?

where do "white" people stand in the politically correct world

*waves*

Asian Political Influence

waves