| User pics |
[26 Nov 2009|12:55pm] |
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I notice we don't have a user pic any more any suggestions? :)
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| question for you all |
[23 Nov 2009|12:27am] |
what reasons make you classify yourself as asexual?
this isn't a bashing or whatever, im just curious. I consider myself asexual in almost every aspect. including relationships. I dont like relationships because the modern day one includes a sexual component. I also wish I was neither girl nor boy so that i couldnt be looked at in any sexual manner.
do you think that's odd?
is it really REALLY possible for there to be relationships that have no sex?????
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| Trans Asexuals on Hormones |
[21 Nov 2009|06:22pm] |
Hey folks, question for a part of the community, plus an introduction.
( First, a little background info on me )
At any rate, backstory aside.
I am a female-to-male transsexual. For those not in the know, the biggest part of transition for many trans men is the hormone testosterone. It has tons of awesome effects (and a few not-so-awesome side effects) for people with female bodies who would like them to be male bodies, but one of the things it reportedly does is dramatically increase sex drive. I've just started mine, and I don't really feel any different. Granted, I just had the first shot on Thursday, but the effects on mood are supposed to be pretty immediate.
So what I'm curious to know is, well, firstly, any other trans men in the comm? If so, if you've started testosterone, did you notice any changes in your sex drive? More, less, the same, different targets? I'm curious about the other side of things, too, since I've heard that a lot of trans women experience a drop in sex drive when they start the estrogen.
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| Living with the mistake |
[21 Nov 2009|12:34pm] |
Just a need to vent for the first time to some people that can understand. A little racy, but not profane or dirty.
( Read more... )
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[21 Nov 2009|09:20pm] |
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hi all,
so this is a random thought today.
So i enjoy writing stories that always at some point involve sex scenes of some description. When i write these i don't have a problem with it. So i was thinking that maybe this is my sexual outlet instead of actually having sex.
anyway i'm just sharing my random thought
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| Hi, I think this is my first post... |
[20 Nov 2009|04:53pm] |
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Hi everyone! I don't think I've posted here before, but I'm cross-posting from my own journal today. It's just a snapshot of my life, I suppose.
My new coworker yesterday asked why I didn't marry. I told her I just wasn't interested in it. This confused her for some reason. I tried to tell her that I regarded marriage and dating in the same way that I regarded clogging and joining the military: I have nothing against those things, I'm just not interested in devoting my time to activities that I have no personal motivation to pursue. She found this "interesting" but was still confused. When replied to her questions that I was neither straight nor gay, she was further confused so I just left it at that. I just emphasized that I was not interested in pursuing relationships.
Why is asexuality such a confusing idea to some people? I understand amusicality fairly well, one of my dear friends is amusical. She just doesn't like music, its all noise to her. It's not a hard concept and shouldn't even be that interesting. We can't all like everything. I have no true aversion to sexuality itself, and I don't care what people's sexuality is so long as it does not involve raping people or involve children or animals. I'm just simply not interested in romance or sexual relationships for myself. I don't see people sexually any more than rocks or swans, and I'd just be bored out of my skull. I like chatting with people and doing activities, but even then I get bored with people quickly. I think I like humans only in small doses. By some people's reckoning, I could be considered antisocial, but that's whats strange about it. I really do like people, especially when discussing films, books, or just life in general. I just don't like spending a great deal of time with those people, not when it interferes with my other activities. If I spend 30 minutes of my day engaged with a good conversation with someone it enriches me--when it goes beyond that, like for half a day, I'm exhausted and I'm just sick of being around them.
And don't get me started on the rugrats. I like kids if other people have them and they are well-behaved, I just don't want them for myself. I mean, I like horses too, but I don't want to own one. Why do some people equate liking something with owning something. Hell, I love tigers too, maybe I should just buy a tiger to prove how much I love it, and look down on people who don't own one by calling them a "tiger-hater".
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| Because I'm honestly curious. . . . |
[20 Nov 2009|05:47pm] |
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Hey, all. Longtime lurker, first time poster.
I'm an asexual writer, and I know I'm far from the only one around here. How do the rest of you approach writing romantic/sexual relationships?
It's something I've been grappling with a lot lately -- I knew when I plotted the novel I'm working on now that the working out of a messy, romantic relationship between two of the members of my ensemble cast would have an effect on many of the major events of the story. I also knew that trying to avoid it would hurt aspects of the story and characters massively. I didn't realize just how difficult I'd find trying to write in one of their viewpoints while the two of them were in the same room.
While obviously characters aren't their writers, it does help to understand them as fully as you can, and for me this has resulted in a couple of awkward conversations with friends about various aspects of romance. There was a post a couple of days past about being asexual and touch-hungry, and I'm a bit like that myself (I like the texture of hair, and the feel of someone's shoulders the crook of my arm when I give them a hug, for instance) and have tried to incorporate those details about just wanting to touch and be touched into the story whenever they make sense, but I'm never quite sure if works when I'm using their viewpoints, since I don't have those feelings, let alone experiences myself, and am hyper-aware that most of my audience does have those feelings, and I think it's really slowing the story down this time.
Do the rest of you wind up second-guessing yourselves, possibly to the point of irritation for those around you who you're willing to share your writing with?
Cheers!
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| First post here |
[19 Nov 2009|04:17pm] |
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Hey there. I'm new here. Ah. Hi?
Crossposted from my journal. I'm ... fairly new to the idea of being asexual, but it seems to fit very well. I think. But ... it seems to come with problems. Any ideas?
( Asexual and touch-hungry )
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| Question Time! |
[18 Nov 2009|02:57pm] |
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Hey guys!
Curious asexual question time:
How do you feel about children?
Since sex is directly linked to procreating, I'm curious about personal opinions. I've seen a lot of posts and comments about people never wanting to have children and I'm wondering about the overall view.
As a demi-sexual, as I most closely relate myself to, I wouldn't mind having children - perhaps adopting or maybe even becoming pregnant.
What about you guys?
No children never?
Would you adopt?
Pregnancy?
Surrogates?
Only puppies and kittens, please?
And if they are on here, any asexuals who are parents would be an interesting view or sexuals with asexual partners and have children.
Thanks guys!
EDIT: Oh my goodness! I don't think I was expecting all the responses! I was planning, and was on my way on replying to each one individually but this is starting to look like an impossible task xD Thanks so much for the responses guys!
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| AVEN is down: an update |
[18 Nov 2009|01:22pm] |
Hello aces! I'm Lumikko on the AVEN forums, one of the many lurkers.
The reason I am posting here is that, as you probably know, AVEN is down. I thought you should know that somebody is updating the AVEN Twitter account regarding this. The last update, from about 12 hours ago, states: "AVEN's still down; doing another backup. If it isn't up by 12AM PST, I'll be putting in some long hours tomorrow to get it back."
AVEN on Twitter is here:
http://twitter.com/asexuality
That is all. Hope to see you back on the site soon!
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| I get to say what should matter to you, duh! |
[17 Nov 2009|04:28pm] |
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This is cross-posted to my journal.
So. On YouTube, yet another opinionated ball of refuse has decided to make her opinion known. (Er, I'm assuming she's female from the feminine username, but I don't really care. I just picked one.) My channel received this lovely comment:
I watched your video entitled letters to an asexual and the points you bring up are just something that comes with being a minority... no i am not joking. If you are different from other people, especially in a way that people haven't heard about or just don't care looking up then you are going to get questioned by it. For example if you are a asexual and people find? out then at first you're likely to be bombarded with questions, almost always stupid questions like how you could do such a thing and then you're probably going to hear about how they could never do such a thing. The best way to avoid this is to not speak of it unless it is brought up. You are never going to educate people on such a subject in a way that they can understand, so the question is just this, do you want to spend a lot of time trying to educate all with gatherings and videos or would you rather spend a little time occasionally explaining it to people who just so happened to ask?
You can see my response and more . . . ( under the cut. )
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| A great post I found. |
[16 Nov 2009|03:12am] |
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It's possible that some of you may have seen this before, but I'd like to share it anyway. I'm sure it will be new to someone.
http://oak.cats.ohiou.edu/~lb122098/fourthsexuality.html
Reading this made me feel lots better. It's EXACTLY how I feel, other than the kids bit. I do want a child someday.
And I'm wondering, do any of you think sex could be compared to a drug? Certainly it's a natural function, but I think it's grossly overused.
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| Lost Loves. |
[15 Nov 2009|03:17am] |
was wondering if anyone has been here too. Feeling really depressed right now. can't sleep and can feel certain genetic issues creeping up.
Ok, I dated a girl for 4 years, she left me for one of my friends and its been 5 years since.
I still have times where I want to break down and cry.
Shes the only person Ive ever wanted to have intercourse with. and trust me I have had offers but the answers in my head have gone from when I was younger of Why to now Eww NO.
Im 30 a virgin. looking at being alone for the rest of my life. and the only person I was willing to meet part way gave her virginity to an A**hole and I would still take her back. I am more screwed up than I thought or Is this somewhat normal for our kind. sorry. for dumping on here. Ive ben a lurking on this group for a long time.
The oher thing is that a lot of women have gone out of there way to hurt me because I wouldn't have sex with them. and others have started to refere to me as the trophy
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| Romantic Attraction. |
[09 Nov 2009|08:10pm] |
Hey, everyone.
I guess this is sort of a follow-up post to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) eyespurgedblind's previous entry. The feelings expressed there were something that I could empathize with. I've identified as asexual since high school, which is about for six years now I think. And since then, I've never really understood what other asexuals mean by "romantic attraction." I really don't consider myself "aromantic" or "romantic" just because I don't know what either of those terms means. I'd like to see how people define it individually for themselves, because it has baffled me for some time now.
Thanks!
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| An interesting article about asexuality |
[08 Nov 2009|07:34pm] |
Are there asexuals among us? On the possibility of a "fourth" sexual orientation
But actually, some scientists believe that there may be a fourth sexual orientation in our species, one characterized by the absence of desire and no sexual interest in males or females, only a complete and lifelong lacuna of sexual attraction toward any human being (or non-human being). Such people are regarded as asexuals. Unlike bisexuals, who are attracted to both males and females, asexuals are equally indifferent to and uninterested in having sex with either gender. So imagine being a teenager waiting for your sexual identity to express itself, waiting patiently for some intoxicating bolus of lasciviousness to render you as dumbly carnal as your peers, and it just doesn’t happen. These individuals aren’t simply celibate, which is a lifestyle choice. Rather, sex to them is just so ... boring.
( You can follow the link or read the whole article behind the link )
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| Ignorance |
[07 Nov 2009|08:32pm] |
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As many of you know, I do asexuality awareness videos on YouTube (channel swankivy). Not too long ago I posted a video in association with a person who contacted me wanting to spread the word about an online petition designed to get people to support the addition of "asexual" and "pansexual" to the "sexual orientation" options for social networking sites. Increase of legitimacy, yo.
The other day some jerk posted this comment on my petition video:
"there's no such thing as asexuality. asexuality is just an excuse to give someone, who has become too afraid to admit their sexual attraction, confidence. it's so much easier to answer 'i'm asexual,' than to be judged for a sexual attraction to something socially abnormal."
My response was this:
"Wow, good job! Did you come up with this yourself, or did you take troll lessons? That's so special! ^__^ "
I think there was a time when I would have taken great care to explain to this person what an ignorant statement that was and try to set him/her straight on the issues. But this smelled so stupid to me--was so blatantly reeking with DELIBERATE INSENSITIVITY and SELF-INFLICTED TUNNEL VISION--that I just plain could not believe someone would say it for real. After all, I go out of my way to make the information available, and I explain in this video (as well as several others) what asexuality is. It was appalling to me that someone really could watch it and come up with "What? There isn't a such thing. You're probably just afraid to admit you're attracted to little boys, dogs, or members of your own sex."
I think I've reached a point in my awareness attempts where I'm resigned that some people don't WANT to understand, and that I can't make them. You know what they say . . . you can lead a horse to water. . . .
This isn't to say I feel defeated or despondent about it. Far from it. I think it's pretty special that I've played the part I have . . . that I have over 300 subscribers on my channel who apparently want to regularly hear some girl talk about NOT sex on the Internet . . . that I got to be one of the voices on an asexuality-related feature-length documentary on the movement . . . that I get thank-yous and supportive comments every single day. But I think I've just discovered there is a point after which I'm wasting my breath and keystrokes. Some of these people WANT to watch me melt down and get frustrated at their lack of understanding. Some of them just get pleasure out of trying to make me feel I am making no difference at all.
I think their worst punishment is having to be themselves.
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| Pressure on an Asexual in a Modern Society |
[06 Nov 2009|06:10pm] |
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Hello. I'm honestly think this is my first post. I'm a 25-year-old virgin whose never really actively sought out a boyfriend, nor do I feel like I really need one. I guess it helps that I'm sort of an big introvert and have really low testosterone. Not to be tmi, but all of my female friends masterbate and the like, and find it weird that I don't really care about my body in that way. I'm much more interested in finding someone that's sort of a friend but with snuggling benefits? I know that sounds cheesy, but that's the closest I can describe it. I wouldn't mind being monogamous with another individual, boy or girl, as long as I can get close to them, and we have a lot in common. I mean in the way of always knowing I can come home to someone, and that they won't dedicate their attention to another. Nothing of it really has to do with sex, of course. It's an emotional bond. I'm sure this would be the definition of a soul mate.
Granted I'm not saying I could never have sex, it's just on the list of priorites and importance of relationships, it's at the bottom of my list, easily. I'm much more stimulated in the way of mental and emotional connection. I'm an artist, so when I really get into it, there's my masterbation and eventual climax towards the piece's completion lol. Any other asexual artists else feel this way?
Recently I admit, I've been going through an identity crises the past two years or so, and letting other people influence me. I thought it was just me 'growing up' but it was more of a sort of supression.. Amist that I felt like I needed a boyfriend, and needed to be more social in order to create normalcy for myself, because I wasn't feeling much of anything else, and hell, everyone else was doing it. My art was suffering during this time, too.
I eventually got accepted into a private art institute, and I actually had problems producing genuine art, even if it's for the classroom, I still get a lot out of it, and want it to express who I am. I found myself stumbling in the place that I've always wanted to be. Gradually though, like someone recovering from any other trauma, I'm regaining myself, and my art. There was a point where I was actually trying to 'sexualize' myself, and it only left me feeling empty. I wouldn't take back the experience, because I learned from it, but it's been a difficult time of confusion. Recently I know that I'm getting back on track, because a friend I meant recently said "Are you asexual? You don't seem like a very sexual creature". And somehow that put my mind at ease. I always want to leave my options open, but I think I could only do something with another person if I was genuinely in love.
Anyone have similar stories of confusion, or openness?
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| Do you feel asexuals are part of the LGBT community or not really? |
[02 Nov 2009|08:11pm] |
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Question for all of you: As asexuals, do you feel part of the LGBT community? Do other people see you as part of the LGBT community? If so, do you wish they didn't? If not, do you wish they did? A little context: I think of myself as bi-asexual, but offline, people read me differently. The people who think I'm straight figure that if you're not interested in sleeping with women, you must be straight. Period. The people who think I'm gay know that I'm somewhat aesthetically attracted to women, and think sexual orientation is all in the mind, is therefore not defined by whether you have a significant other or not, so they conclude I must be lesbian, or at least bi. Part of me wishes that asexuality would be considered part of the LGBT label/community, because I feel asexuals have a lot of the same issues that queer people do (having to figure out out their own identity, coming out, etc), and because I doubt the asexual community would even have come up with the label 'asexual' or thought of ourselves as a 'community' if it hadn't been for the gay rights movement. On the other hand, many non-asexual gay people I know don't see asexuality as part of the LGBT community at all. They're very positive and accepting of asexual people, they just can't imagine not wanting to have sex, and see asexuality as a drastically different phenomenon from homosexuality. Similarly, I know some straight-asexuals who (although supportive of gay rights both in their politics and in their personal values) don't want to be considered part of the gay community because they're only attracted to opposite-gender people, and/or (espeically if they live in very conservative states) don't want to experience the discrimination that gays in their area face, or feel that they'll be more effective 'allies' to the gay community if others see them as straight. I'd love to hear from both gay/bi-asexuals and straight-asexuals on this.
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| Don't want to be lonely |
[31 Oct 2009|07:31pm] |
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So, I'm on and English study abroad program.
In my classes we've had to read several books that are about getting married (Pride and Prejudice) or, alternatively, books about living a long lonely loveless life (The Story of Lucy Gault). All this has made me very depressed. I've found the study abroad progrm stressful for several reasons, but this is just compounding it.
I feel like I need someone in my life. Frankly, I feel like I need a man to replace my father. Sorry if that sounds screwed up. The problem is, though, that I see relationships in terms of exchange. I don't think I'll be able to find a man who will love and support me if I can't give him a sexual relationship or children. I've had a boyfriend for a year. He makes me very happy, but I know we can't stay together because he wants a sexual relationship and, one day, children.
I used to think that I was aromantic and didn't crave companionship like that, but, as I said, all these books about marriage have been wearing on my mind. I'm a very solitary person and have trouble socializing, so when I do manage to make a personal connection it's very important, and now that I've seen what it's like I don't want to lose it.
Do other asexuals worry about this sort of thing? Is it possible to have a long term asexual non-reproductive relationship?
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asexuality