ArtofSlavery

Lighthearted question (I know the answer)

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 18:31:34 GMT

Hello everyone,

I've traditionally been hesitant to post to email lists or communities, but this one (artofslavery email list, and by extension LiveJournal) seems special, and it's a good time to work with a core issue of mine, and *include myself* smiles. So...

On a day when I woke up lazily late, at the cabin S (my husband) and I own in the Sierra 300 miles away from L (the One I serve, who feels like "Master" in my heart even though he hasn't accepted the title) instead of the usual 75 miles, when the focus yesterday and today is on husband's mother's birthday, all his siblings and their kids and our kids and all ... with no cellphone access so I cannot even receive the usual text messages from L during his intense workshop weekend back 300 miles away ...

On a morning such as this, do I still have to do my standing assignments (1-create a moment when all the dishes are done; 2-have my "tea"--meditation and text him that I did it) ? ? ?

LOL, I'd better get going and do 'em

:-)

P.S. Yes, I know the answer. I welcome comments anyway! just to open dialogue and communication with all you wonderful people!

Japanese Rope Bondage

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:12:11 GMT

Hello

I have been a member of this community for some time but have never posted as I have always been too shy to do so, though I have from time to time commented on other's posts. I am posting this seeking some advice and suggestions.

I have been set a task by my Master of researching the origins and practices of Japanese Rope Bondage. It was originially intended to be a short essay, set by Him as a task to help me improve my knowledge and memory, but over the past week I have become so engrossed in the topic that He has given me permission to turn it into a more indepth project of the subject with a longer deadline.

The reason I am posting here is to ask for advice from anyone who can direct me to good websites for my research. I also would like to ask for recommendations of good books on the topic, though I will not be using them as part of my research as we live three flights from a bookstore and I could not order it in time to arrive to use. I would like, however, to give Master a book, one with pictures, with my essay as a thank you to Him for allowing me to carry out this piece of work.

I appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thank you.

I have crossposted this quite a lot so I apologise to anyone who has it appear on their friends page several times.

O quote for the day

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 00:24:22 GMT

OK, this is a good example of the kind of existential meaning this book has for me. Read carefully: it's deep!

Upon leaving O at Roissy after the first week, Rene tells her not to forget him, to which the omniscient author offers this:

"Oh, how could she forget him? He was the hand that blindfolded her, the whip weilded by the valet Pierre, he was the chain aboverher head, the unknown man who came down on her, and all the voices which gave her orders were his voice. Was she growing weary? No. By dint of being defiled and desecrated, it seems that she must have grown used to outrages, by dint of being caressed, to caresses, if not to the whip by dint of being whipped. A terrible surfeit of pain and pleasure should have by slow degrees cast upon her benumbing banks, into a state bordering on sleep or somnambulism. On the contrary, the bodice which held her straight, the chains which kept her submissive, her refuge of silence -- these may have been responsible in part -- as was the constant spectacle of girls being handed over and used as she was, and even when they were not, the spectacle of the constantly available bodies. Also the spectacle and awareness of her own body. Daily and, so to speak, ceremoniously soiled with saliva and sperm, she felt herself literally to be the repository of impurity, the sink mentioned in the Scriptures. And yet those parts of her body most constantly offended, having become less sensitive, at the same time seemed to her to have become more beautiful and, as it were, ennobled: her mouth closed upon anonymous members, the tips of her breasts constantly fondled by hands, and between her quartered thighs the twin, contiguous paths wantonly ploughed. That she should have been ennobled and gained in dignity through being prostituted was a source of surprise, and yet dignity was indeed the right term. She was illuminated by it, as though from within, and her bearing bespoke calm, while on her face could be detected the serenity and imperceptible smile that one surmises rather than actually sees in the eyes of hermits."

Whew! Doesn't that just support, enchant, and ennoble the submissive journey? Isn't it beyond words? This is the depth of understanding I see in Pauline Reage, Anne Desclos, or whoever it was. It has been suggested that she wrote these words in an effort to keep her Sadistic lover interested. It has been accused that she wrote from fantasy, not experience. What better evidence is there that this woman knew the truth, the secret to the submissive heart? Who is qualified to accuse her of not understanding the truth of BDSM, when her words clearly underscore the reason we do what we do. It speaks to me as only a great orator would, it touches my heart as only a great poet could.

If we are to say that these words are any less truthful because they were not written from experience (and what proof do we have of that, when so litlle is known about the author?) then is it fair to say that the Curies, or Edison, or Salk, or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. were doomed to defeat simply because their vision started out as simply a dream? Time and experience have shown this is not the case. Let us give deference, then, to a great mind and perhaps even a spiritual leader. This is the kind of inspiration which makes a dreamer into a sage.

He needs me, He needs me not...(revised version)

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 02:26:15 GMT

Master and I had a fabulous weekend. He started me with a fabuluos interrogation scene, where in I was tied to a chair and beaten until I begged him to stop and honestly answer his (real) question. Being pierced in the labia, having tabasco slathered on my poor vagina and clit, and being tied to a tree. Taking a bike ride in the woods, where we stopped and I got a spanking, we collected clover flowers for tea, and I kneeled to be his toilet before we turned around to go back. Never mind putting me on the wooden horse out in the cold rain until I cried, then shutting me in the closet alone to clutch at his dirty laundry and sob until the sadness and abandonment were all gone....embedded in all this activity, there were moments, several of them, when all I had to do was think of something, and there he was, doing it.

It seems more and more lately that we have a mental connection. It's gone from fortuitous accidents or educated guesses to plain uncanny. Without being able to report exact events, take my word for it, sometimes my mouth drops open. This kind of telepathic connection is unusual in any case, but especially considering the fact that we only see each other one or two (sometimes three) weekends a month. Our connection is growing stronger, my devotion is growing by leaps and bounds, and I want to lose myself to him more every day, but I still feel like me.

It seems to me that the connection between Master and slave has the potential to be very deep. Not that it should be or is always telepathic. But a master and a slave can have, by virtue of their distinct differences, a leaning toward compatibility by virtue of their perceived roles. They are each other's complements. Male and female, top and bottom, user and used, passive and aggressive, peas in a pod, pieces in a puzzle, fitting together perfectly.

I feel closer to Master than I have to any vanilla or BDSM partner ever, yet we are very different. I have always had a great need for physical closeness (not just sexual, either) and no one has ever been able to satisfy that need except him. We come from very different backgrounds, even different generations, yet have so much in common. Yes, I am married, and I love my husband with a very strong love and have great respect for him, but the connection isn't the same. We are partners and friends, but operate more like a corporation than as one entity. I love him dearly, but our relationship is more about the children. I feel a much stronger personal devotion to Master because he feeds the darkest parts of me, connects with me physically as well as mentally, challenges me, accepts me, encourages me in service and desire.

This devotion I feel is returned in full. Master treats me well, with respect during downtime, with force and demand when our roles are at the forefront. He makes me feel needed and valuable. No matter how calm or sweet it gets between us, though, I never forget I am slave, and may be used or punished without reason or provocation. Our "scenes" are more like extensions of ourselves, a swell in the day, and they are part and parcel of our life together (broken as it is). They run along almost continuously and in a real-time context, not so much roleplay as events. My position as his servant is constantly reinforced, yet so is my place at his side.

Yet, despite our need for each other, both of us are nevertheless keenly independent creatures. That's not hard to imagine for him, being a dom, but I think it foreign to imagine a slave who is independent at her very foundation, yet craves to be controlled and lose her freedom. However, I have found that this matters little, as my slavish nature comes out when I am with him. It is a part of my self-esteem to have the control it takes to serve him and do a good job at it. Performing the tasks he wants takes self-control. Being able to take control, however discreetly, is an essential part of being a good slave, so this independence is important for my success in all of my roles. The point is, I have an identity outside of my slavery, as much as I would wish to shed it. Yet Master and I both feel that the relationship wouldn't be the same if I didn't know who I was without him first.

Master, for his part, is opinionated, headstrong, and independent, and not just of other people but of social constraints, as am I. As "normal" as we appear in our vanilla lives, and as differently raised as we were, we both have very unconventional views on things from dress to sexual mores. We were talking the other night, and I was asking him how I could be so independent and yet want to give up control to him, even to the point of losing my life. I think I feel that one must know and own oneself in order to be able to give it freely, and fully.

At this point, I spoke of my feelings of utter devotion to Master, but told him that there had been two times when I had considered leaving him at the beginning, adding that I was very glad now that I had not! And we both agreed that each of us could, if necessary, live without the other, that neither of us would fall apart if something happened to the relationship. There is no doubt that we both need each other in a very deep and lasting way. We feed each other, support each other's every need, including both our needs for other playmates, on occasion. Yet, we would not "die" without each other. We both have enough inner resolve that we would be able to move on.

I think this independence of mind and spirit are essential to being a complete person, and that being a complete person is necessary to a truly fulfilling relationship. For, how can one partner fulfill the other's needs if either of them is incomplete?

As soon as Master told me that, that he could live without me, something changed within me. A peace came over me. Don't get me wrong. I am still utterly in love and devoted to him in every way. There never was any fear or jealousy of losing him to another sub. But my respect for him increased with this new knowledge, that HE DOESN'T NEED ME. The fact that he spends so much time on me, keeping in touch when we're apart, creating wonderful experiences for me, keeping me near and available when we are together, is now even more valuable to me because of his statement of independence. He stays with me and fills my need for physical affection and companionship, yet doesn't cling like a puppy. He seeks me out because I please him, not because he can't live without me.

I mean, after all, who really wants someone who can't function without you? Some doms might, perhaps, want a sub with no identity, but I feel that most of them would value more highly the attentions of a sub whose attentions they had to win, or at least direct from their own agenda, someone who could stand on his/her own if necessary. Everyone enjoys a good challenge. I believe all of us want someone who respects themselves, someone whom we can, because of this, respect in return.

And this, my friends, was one of the greatest realizations of my life. I love my master for many things, but he is the greater figure because I respect him, and I respect him even more now with the knowledge that he doesn't need me. It seems paradoxical, but most of life is a mystery, revealed to us in tiny bits, like tiny streams of light coming in through a crack under the blindfold. And one day, that blindfold will be torn away, and we will be bathed in enlightenment. Until then, I am content whenever the blindfold comes off even for a moment.

bdsm survey -- Update

Sun, 13 May 2007 03:47:01 GMT

Thank you for your support! I actually penned this notice months ago and DID make a survey. Five people responded, that's it. Then the whole thing disappeared, results and all. I wonder if the polls you can create here on LJ are meant to be temporary...

If everyone would just think about their childhoods and maybe write something in response, it might be better that a poll. I wonder this: how many of us had "normal" childhoods, and how many were "kinked" and how? That's basically it. I got really particular with my questions last time, asking about religion, family history, sexual history, etc., but people can get offended when you ask pointed questions like that.

My experience was very different from anyone else's I'm sure. I was raised by very licentious parents who were very open-minded about sex and drugs. We talked about everything from the time I was too young to understand it. So I had a head start in embracing my sexuality.

But I was molested twice at the ages of six and seven. I don't feel it screwed me up...I have no anger, fears, hang-ups, etc., that I know of...in fact, it seemed to be a very positive thing for me (go figure) because it taught me to love oral sex (giving) and the whole aspect of forced sex and slavery were inherent in what I was forced to do, so it really made me the slave I am today. I wonder how many vanilla women would be happier if they had a submissive side they would let flower.

These experiences led me to be comfortable with and experiment with sex early (although I didn't lose my virginity till 16.5 years old) but ironically it wasn't until I was in my thirties that I really "came out". I told my husband some of it, but he wasn't into it, and I kept it light. He would spank me sometimes, but most of it was all in my head. He also wasn't as highly sexed as I was (another biproduct of being molested, or just having a rutting father?)...After several small vanilla affairs, hubby realized he had to "let me go" and do this, and then I sort of angled into the bdsm world by accident on the internet, and my life exploded. I dabbled some, had a couple of "masters" (wannabes, let me tell you) and then one day....

Well, you have to read my journal from the beginning, but basically, my master found me in person, in a vanilla situation. We both had profiles on collarme but neither of us had ever seen the other's profile. You know, my fantasies were always about faceless men, using me, not caring about me, but the reality is, you can't do this with someone who doesn't care about you. That is bad self-esteem.

And that's another thing. I've always thought highly of myself. I think I have excellent self-esteem. My husband thought (used to think) that I was doing this (slavery, letting men beat me and use me) because of low self-esteem...quite the contrary! I do this because it makes me feel good, really good! And now, having a Master, not just a Dom, not just any man, who uses me in a context of safety and love, is like God dropped a huge treasure chest on me and said, "here, have it!" and I am! I'm a hedonist, and proud of it.

Another part of this is religion. Religion is very important to many people. It dictates their lives in many cases. I wasn't raised with any religion, but my mom was always talking about spiritual stuff and reading Ayn Rand and talking about Jesus very casually, so I was never committed to a God or religion, but open-minded about it. My father and his side of the family are agnostics way back. We pretty much felt that you have to have personal accountability in everything you do. So I don't feel guilty over what I do, or like I'm going to hell, because I'm good to my husband and children; they never suffer. I'm honest with hubby and he supports me in what I do (though he doesn't understand it exactly), I'm there when they need me, hubby fills in when I'm gone, etc. I wonder if people raised in a fundamentalist household ever get to this stage...

It seems like they would. The roles of husband and wife are clearly laid out in the Bible. That's the perfect source for a M/s relationship. I think the M/s relationship is one of the most natural, exciting, fulfilling relationships one can ever experience. It's better than mountain-climbing or going to Europe. It's better than chocolate, or cigarettes...it's better than sex!

I basically am in a quandry as to whether my proclivities to be a sub/slave are natural or acquired. It's the old nature/nurture debate. My father was highly sexed...maybe it's genetic. I'm a woman...maybe being sub is just the natural state of a woman (though dommes would disagree with me, but my theory on that is they are influenced by feminism, indirectly and subconsciously, of course). I was molested, maybe that's where I got the idea, though many people who had a dick shoved in their mouth when they were six would never suck one again without lots of therapy (I've never had a minute of therapy, by the way) let alone let themselves be tied down and mouth-fucked.

When I was eight my mother told me she was going to spank me and I got hot. Now where did that come from? No one who molested me ever spanked me or threated me with physical harm, although I was made to stand with my hands against the wall as "punishment"....(that word is so hot). I masturbated from a very young age. I thought it was because of my early sexual experiences, but my daughter did it from the age of four and she was never molested...(yes, I'm sure!).

The whole thing is very confusing. I would love to know if there are people who might know why we do this. I think it's natural, but it's suppressed and not taught. People have to find it on their own. I think we should teach it. I think people would be happier if they could find their sexual "niche" but it takes years! to do it alone (easier now with the internet, though) and by then you're married and have children! To wit, me!

There. I didn't mean to write a biography, especially not at 11:30 pm, but it's a subject that really intrigues me. I'm posting it as a journal entry, too, so all you brave ones, come out and let's hear your story.

-glory

Discussion: Financial Aspects in an M/s relationship

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:05:54 GMT

Hi There Everyone!

A topic was surfaced this weekend where a few of us were bantaring on the
ideals of "Finance" in a M/s relationship.

sooo i thought it would make for a great topic here.

Some questions:

- This weekend i enjoyed kicking back and reading during my down time and
on the airplane the book written by Viola Johnson being "To Love, To Obey,
To Serve: The Diary of an Old Guard slave"...one quote from that book that
caught my eye on this topic is as follows: "The care and feeding of a
Dominant is expensive"...How does this quote speak to you?
- How are finances handled in your M/s relationship or for your household?
- Does your Dominant equivalent handle Your finances being that you are
submissive or slave?
- How might they handle them?
- Is it a form of a control?
- What signs would there be that this could be abused? How could it be
abused?
- If your Dominant equivalent handls Your finances, do they have a
contingency set up in case of the ending of a relationship?
- How far are you willing to turn over the control of your finances?
- Why would you not turn over the ideals of your finances?
- Is financial management of a slave or submissive the same as Micro
Management or is it a form of micromanagement?
- Multiple member or multi-slave/submissive households versus Finances?
How do you handle? How have you seen it handled? Does each member share
finances? For those in this dynamic how does it work for you?

and that is all that is coming to this sleep deprived pretty head...lol...As
always, please feel free to expand as much or as little as you'd like and/or
to cover things i might not have covered.

Huggggggs,
lara who is catching up on a gadzillion emails! lol

New Book: A Pound of Flesh

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:03:39 GMT

Hi Everyone - For those that might be interested in checking out...Here's some info on a newer book. You can purchase via Susan Wright's website and/or Amazon and/or other equivalent places.

whooo hooo..my Sir won the first one for me at a MAsT Metro New York Bar Night fund raiser and i really enjoyed reading and am looking forward to my 2nd one coming in which is on order.

Thanks,

lara

---------

It's out! The sequel of TO SERVE AND SUBMIT has hit the bookstores:

A POUND OF FLESH
by Susan Wright
Genre: Fantasy
Roc (Penguin Books)
Trade Paperback
ISBN: 0451461274

Between dominance and subservience lies a power no amount of pain or pleasure can extinguish: Freedom.

Marja was once Lexander's pleasure slave – until the master found himself enslaved by her love. Together, they have vowed to free all slaves by destroying pleasure houses throughout the world. But this undertaking requires Marja to disguise herself as a slave once more and infiltrate one training house after another to sow the seeds of revolution - and risk losing the man she loves in the process.

Order online at: www.susanwright.info

Also - TO SERVE AND SUBMIT is now available in mass market paperback!

Excerpt from A POUND OF FLESH:

That night, I retired alone to Silveta's old sleeping closet. The dark wooden walls and ceiling reminded me of Birgir; it was here that he had raped and beat me. It was here that I could have killed Birgir, if I had been more ruthless, forestalling the horror of the recent battle.

The bed and table were the same, but Silveta's embossed chests and caskets were gone, likely moved to the solar she now shared with Jens. But the familiar fur blanket beckoned me, and I crawled in gratefully as I had done the first night I had slept here at Silveta's behest.

Lexander returned very late, having made preparations to depart at sunrise. He did not tell me, but I knew the knaar was ready to go with all the oarsmen sleeping onboard to guard the cargo. Lexander had completed everything with excessive haste, for reasons of his own.

The olfs drifted away when Lexander appeared, setting the candle in the wall. Seeing that I was awake, he pulled back the fur, revealing me naked and waiting for him. His eyes devoured me.

Yet I had to tell him. "I'm going to the Auldland with you, Lexander."

"Let's not speak of that, Marja. Not now."

His lips met mine, softly at first, then urgently as if he could never get enough. Flesh pressed against flesh, heating and moistening as we kissed. I caressed his smooth skin, pulling him down to lay against me. He was no longer my master, but I could let my submissive desires run free when we joined together. I could surrender to him completely knowing that he would never hurt me.

I opened my mind and my emotions to him, as I did with the olfs. I hid nothing, exposing every part of my being. We merged together as he sank into me, to that very core of me that was always accepting, embracing whatever was desired.

He could see that I longed to please him, even if it meant disavowing my own wishes. And that satisfied him. For he was distraught at the thought of leaving me. I could feel it now, despite his outward certainty that I should stay behind. He longed to be with me, but he had yielded to a deep-seated fear that I couldn't penetrate.

We rocked together, rising to the highest pitch, losing ourselves in each other. I didn't know where I ended and he began as our passion weaved us together. We cried out, our voices mingling as one.

I forgot all else, sleeping in his arms. Lexander woke me by brushing the strands of hair from my face. The candle had burned out, leaving us in darkness. But as always I felt the coming dawn.

There was the whisper softness of silk around my wrist, and then it tightened. "What?" I murmured, pulling against it.

"Hush," he whispered. "I must claim you as my own."

With a quick turn, he secured my wrist to the post at the head of the bed. My arm was outstretched, and tugging showed me that I was held fast. He quickly tied my other wrist to the other post.

He had never bound me in this way, and it sent a thrill through me. I was exposed, displayed for his delight. He caressed me with his hands then kissed my face. Languidly, he moved lower, molding his full lips against every part of me. My neck, shoulders, breasts and ribs, then lower to my belly and hips, down each leg to the tender flesh behind my knees. I lost myself in his lips.

Since I could not touch him, I could only feel what he did to me. I became pure sensation.

He spread my legs wide and kissed me there, where he entered me, licking slowly and surely, driving me to madness. I writhed and jerked against my bonds, but they held tight. I was forced to receive, only accept, and I surrendered to him again and again.

Lexander finally took his own satisfaction when I was limp and long past awareness of myself. He claimed me for himself, driving into me deeper.

When he was done, my body was thrumming. My mind was far away, gone astray in bliss. He kissed my lips, and I responded with every fiber of my being. I had never felt such fulfillment, such abandon.

He tossed the fur over me, and the blessed warmth made me drowse. The clink of the lock on the door was a distant annoyance, something to be ignored in my suffusion.

The clink of the lock...

I fought my languid contentment. A tug on my wrists showed me that I was still tied. And Lexander was gone.

He had left without untying me. He would sail away in the knaar for the Auldland, leaving me here with Silveta.

"No, Lexander!" I cried out.

He would give the key to Silveta with instructions to release me once he was safely gone. Would she come sooner, remembering her promise to me? Could she, when Lexander requested otherwise? During our long search for a warband, Silveta had served Lexander, relying on him and doing as he said. It was natural for Lexander to call out obedience in others. He always would have that power.

Silveta would obey him. I hated her for it, though I could not blame her.

I tugged at the bindings on my wrist, gasping as they refused to give. So soft, yet so strong. I strained against them, willing them to part. But Lexander knew his craft, and I was held fast...

###

New Book: Manual Creation

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 02:02:18 GMT

Hi Everyone,

Another new book that was on display and for sale at the South Plains leatherfest was as follows:

"Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/s Household by Master Fire"

i couldn't help but purchase this one for my library as i always enjoy the new thoughts on the ideals of M/s dynamics. It seemed to have some rather interesting thoughts in it. Once i get through the whole thing i will post more thoughts....i am such a book slut! giggles

The link for more information from Amazon is as follows:

http://www.amazon.com/Manual-Creation-Defining-Structure-Household/dp/1887895817/ref=pd_ys_qtk_rvi/103-1810028-7089444

Book Description
Master Fire has written an intimate and revealing look into her personal life as a Master. She has deliciously chronicled her thoughts and actions on Mastery and consensual slavery. Every aspect of slave management and life is addressed; from finances to protocols. She lists her thoughts and rationales for her actions as well as how she wants her needs and preferences addressed by those who serve her.

Thanks,

lara

Power Exchange Publication

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 01:58:13 GMT

Hey There ya'll...Check out the new publication entitled :"Power Exchange".

The link is: www.powerexchangemagazine.com

Enjoy!

lara

Suspension Bondage ???

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:06:53 GMT

Anyone know of any good books, sites, or other (free) resources on suspension bondage? I've seen lots of good pictures of women tied up and hanging, but no one can tell me how to do this!

Grace and Chivalry

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 20:51:22 GMT

Rachael Ray had a man on today talking about chivalry: Is it dead? they asked. To find out, they did an experiment where this man held doors, offered to carry packages, hail cabs, etc. for strange women on the street. Many of them were shocked at his kindness, but most were appreciative. Rachael was trying to point out that chivalry is a lost art, and yet we appreciate it.

I feel this way about female grace. My master teaches me how to walk like a model, stand erect, eat politely, speak softly, not shout through the house to him, not use curse words, etc, and I love it. These are qualities we have little use for now, and it shows. Women were taught years ago to be like men, and now they are brash and ungraceful. How many of us have been in a public setting and listened with grating nerves to a loud-mouthed woman whom we wanted to tell to shut up? I say something valuable has been lost in our society, and perhaps the realm of D/s is one way to gain it back.

As a submissive, I must walk, talk, and act as my master wants while in His presence, but I extend this to my life outside of His home. I want to grow as a graceful woman, beautiful and worthy of male, indeed both male and female, admiration. I want people to see me go by and think, WOW. I want my children to grow up with these values. I want my daughter to take pride in herself and her appearance, and I must be the example for that.

These new skills, call them "finishing," if you want, make me feel beautiful and increase my self-esteem. I believe we should all aspire to something higher in life, whether it is in our education or station. Thanks to Master for teaching me that lesson.

To Everything There is a Season

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 14:29:13 GMT

I cried this morning. Coming home after a weekend with Master is unsettling. There are kids and a husband and jobs and cars and money worries. But more importantly, there is my place in it all. I have to adjust back to being in control after being Master's little girl. It is difficult.

I cried this weekend with Master. It has never happened before. I don't cry very much. Usually only when I am having PMS. Pain has never made me cry, but then I never have as much pain as when I am with Master, and those clover clamps are EVIL!!!!!!!

I have been wanting to cry, partly because it is a turn-on for me to see pictures of women who've been crying, on their knees with a cock in their mouths and a tear stain running down their faces. I think many men are turned on by it, too. For me, it has something to do with being taken, used, pushed, etc. The rape fantasy is a good example. The taking over of a woman by a man is just the hottest thing I can think of.

Master liked it, too. He was so sweet to me...he let me cry, told me to cry it all out. Hugged me, stroked me, told me it was all right. I think he liked it that I had finally let my guard down.

But I'm home now. I'm the Mom. I have a job to go to. I have decisions to make. And I have a complex relationship with my loving, vanilla husband, who is a brilliant man and father to my wonderful children. And a friend to me. But not a daddy.

This is confusing for me. It takes me several hours, maybe even a whole day, to really let go and give myself over to Master. Sometimes I slip, as when after dinner He asked what was for dessert and I said, "I think we'll have it later."......OOPS!!!!! Well, you can imagine what happened. We had it right then, because I don't make the decisions, HE does! DUH!!!!

Today is Monday. I am back at home and now I must make decisions and it's hard to make that change. Change is good, but adjustment takes time. I got into a discussion with hubby over money and kids (isn't that what it's always about....) and I actually started to cry! He wondered what was wrong with me. I couldn't tell him exactly, because he wouldn't understand how comforting it is not to have to make any of your own decisions, not even when to eat, take a shower, or smoke a cigarette.

Of course it is more complex than that. Here, we have a partnership. We work together (or try to) and make decisions jointly. OK. That's OK. But if you're going to do that, then do it. Don't go and do things and tell me later. And why do I even care? Why doesn't He make all the decisions and tell me later? Because that's not how it is in our family. That's never how it was. Not how I wanted it to be. I wanted us to do this together. I enjoyed the balance of power.

But now that I have Master and this other life, I am developing another side to me. It felt good to get away and be Master's little girl, and I'm not ready to go back. I want to stay at home with my Daddy and have Him tell me when to get dressed, to sit on the floor at His feet and have Him rub my head, to stroke and kiss His feet and bring Him coffee. To make His breakfast and clean the kitchen and be told what to do next.

But I can't. I have responsibilities here that were in place long before I met my Master, long before I even knew how submissive I am. All this time I've been acting like a feminatzi in a power suit, and all the time underneath was a frightened little girl crying to get out. Master has unleashed her. Now I have to deal with it. We all do.

But this is real life. Life is good, they say, and I know it to be true. Master gives me an outlet for a side of me I had put away, forgotten about, or not even realized existed. So now I have another child to take care of. *Sigh*

Everything good takes time. Anything worth doing is hard. I wouldn't trade any of it. I love everyone and everything in my life. I just have a little bit more than most. Just another ball to juggle. I can do it. I am strong.

And when I see Master again, he will open me like a trunkful of treasures and take out that little girl hiding in the corner. He will use her and comfort her and love her where she is now, mingled with that woman who wants to suck His Cock and cook His meals and clean His house, and the balance will be just right, for a few days at least. And that person who is Me will learn to walk that tightrope, because life is not simple, but if you do it right, it can be good.

We are here but for an instant.
Life is for learning.
To everything, there is a season.

Objectification: Sister to Humiliation

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 22:15:38 GMT

This entry is explicitly for Master. He asked me to write about humiliation, which is a subject I have written on before, but one which continues to be a mystery to me. Try as I might to understand it, I cannot. Nor can I explain what it is, or how it works, at least not to my own satisfaction.

I do notice that objectification (something I dearly love) has strong elements of humiliation, in other words, when Master tells me I am to be turned into something other than a woman, like a baby or an animal, and I think about what will be required, it does several things to me. It makes me hot, yes, oh, yes, but there is more to it. There is a flush of something...embarrassment, fear, distaste, maybe; my eyes get big and I stare into space as if someone just told me my dog died, and what I'm really thinking is, "I have to do that?" It feels as if something has been taken away from me. Pride? Independence? Dignity? Perhaps all of those. Perhaps more.

It has, I think, to do with being "stripped", laid bare. We as humans have learned to have many layers, from our clothing to our public personae, to protect us. Becoming a slave means (to me, at least) that these layers must be taken away. We as slaves must tell our deepest thoughts, fears, and desires to our masters, so that they can know us completely and be able to reach in and work with us, molding us around their wishes and needs, like a piece of clay. That is scary.

When a person is stripped of his/her clothing, the first thing we feel is embarrassment. That is because we are chiefly mental beings and rely on social structure to understand the world and our place in it. Clothing is a means of protection against the weather, but also against the judgement of others. This judgement can be harsh enough to cause pain, and it is this we fear most, unless we are just really, really different.

The second thing we feel when stripped is the wind and sun on our skin. This reinforces and brings to mind our nakedness in a very physical way. I do yoga, which is considered a way to connect with the Infinite Universal Being ("God" if you like) by starting with this mortal coil of ours. The body is our way of processing information about the world, but it also creates desires and pain. It is something to overcome, and in so doing, as we control our bodies, we can then turn inward and learn to control our minds and consciousnesses. So, the focus inevitably turns inward, no matter where we start.

Back to the point; when we feel naked, we feel vulnerable. This causes us to be afraid for our well-being, and this is where the master comes in. He can hurt us, make us feel fear, give us tenderness, etc. But the ball is in His court, and we want it this way. It is in our nature as subs to want to be opened this way so that we can give of ourselves with nothing barring the way.

But this kind of openness is fearful because of our training in a cruel world, and it creates fear which will, of course, be overcome, and then we will find ourselves safe and loved by the very one who opened us in the first place. This is the "end" of humiliation, its "raison d'etre." It allows us to connect more deeply with our master than we ever have with another human being.

Baby play is one example. We have been taught from infancy not to soil ourselves, that it is "dirty" and embarrassing, and not proper behavior. We have put that all away. Playing baby to my Daddy is exciting for me, because it allows me to go backward in my development and slough off the ritual and protocol of adulthood. But to do this I must make a mental effort to reject the rules placed on me by society. It is a good exercise, but also very comforting. I can just BE. I don't have to talk, walk, or hold my bladder (unless we're potty training!). I can be touched and held while being completely passive and receptive. I can depend upon my Daddy to take care of all of my needs. I can even suck my thumb without being looked at as if I were crazy. And Master can feel fulfilled by being able to meet all my needs in very simple ways.

There are similarities here to a certain kind of subspace, that being a focused and receptive state of being. But unlike being a slave, I don't have to be "at attention" when I'm a baby. I can take in what He's giving and doing, without having to give back, soaking it in like a sponge, floating. It is a very secure feeling.

Being an animal is a bit higher on the intensity scale. Animals don't talk, so there is no way to express a thought, indeed, no need to have any thoughts. Animals are not spoken to politely or carefully, although they are spoken to lovingly at times, but usually are given commands. Horses and dogs are trained to exhibit behaviors on command and, when they don't, they are given negative reinforcement so they will learn the behavior. Being an animal turns me on hugely because I am no longer treated as a person. All decorum is stripped. I am to be at attention, but must act quickly and correctly, must be at the ready. I am not asked for my opinion, but am given things to wear or do. I am examined and commented upon. My humanity does not matter. No respect is given me (save the usual bit about safety, and of course I always know my master loves me). I am on display. I must forget all about how silly I look doing these things. What matters is how I please my master. It would be embarrassing, but it is my purpose, and therefore it is fulfilling. But, being human after all, there is always a grain of something that makes me feel just a little...humiliated, is it?

Yet I love doing this for Master, being his footstool, or table, robot, work of art, or whatever. These are all ways to give of myself to meet His needs. Just being something for Him without all the little rules about how people must act, or how people should treat each other, is so simple, yet so huge. I want to give him everything, and to Hell with social convention. To Hell with my opinions, fears, embarrassment, to Hell with politeness and dignity. I want to just BE. To be what He wants me to be. That makes me feel the best I ever feel during my day. Because in the end, I am loved and valued above anything else in His life, and there is no greater form of esteem than that.

Branding

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:30:28 GMT

Anyone know anything about branding, how to do it oneself? We don't have any shops here. Info, please?

Too Comfortable

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 02:33:10 GMT

I'd been thinking lately that Master was being awfully kind, accomodating, forgiving, and not as inclined to require much or punish me lately. After only four months, it seemed as if the spark was going out of the relationship, in other words, it was becoming "too comfortable." Some would see this as a blessing, but not me.

I didn't call him last night, as I have been nearly every night since we met. I had the time, I just spent it reading journals instead. I was "stealing time" from Him.

I felt guilty about it, but my rationalization was, to call Him every night and sometimes twice a day was too much...that we would run out of things to say. I feared we'd get "vanilla-ized" this way. I didn't want to use that word with Him.

So I wrote him an email, telling Him I was feeling the distance and wishing for some distance submission (we do not live together, as you have surmised by now). I suggested ways He might Dom me from afar, things He might require of me. He came back with ideas of His own. I was ecstatic. His pussy blushed with warmth at the thought of new requirements, possibilities for service and punishment!

When I called Him tonight, I confessed that I had been feeling "too comfortable" lately. He said He had, too! How refreshing. Again, we are on the same page. He is in my mind. He IS my mind.

I am looking forward to thinking of Him and serving Him several times a day in sexy, if uncomfortable or inconvenient, ways. It is another chance for me to show my devotion to Him, even if I can't do it in person.

Therapy for a Wild World

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:38:45 GMT

The excerpt below is from correspondence I had with an old friend I know from our college days, to whom I just revealed my "other life". She is submissive, IMO, as far as I know mostly vanilla, though she has her own kinks, but she has little or no experience with BDSM. She wrote me asking some questions after reading my post, "The Holistic Pain Slut." I wanted to give her an explanation of the ideas and concepts involved, and try to relate my motivations for the things I do. The title is hers (she put it in the subject line to her email). Pretty perceptive, no?

From her:

>I am trying to figure out something and I hope I am on the right
>track. Are these encounters a bit like going through one of the
>worst days of your life and then suddenly there is resolution or an
>end to the nightmare? Or, is it a bit like role playing a feeling
>you have or desire that you have that is bad so you need to have it
>beaten out of you to get rid of it? It's just an observation so
>correct me if I am wrong. And another thought, since the pain is so
>close to sexual pleasure does it sometimes replace the sexual
>pleasure only when you are in a state where you need someone to hurt
>you instead of pleasure you? I am willing to understand all this
>so I can get better acquainted with it and be more knowledgeable. I
>like your stories. They are eye-opening.
>Love, XXX

My reply:

"Those are good questions. I'm not sure I can answer them properly. I only know that being forced and hurt are sexual turn-ons for me, at least that's how it started. A lot of it is like role playing...the rape fantasy and all that. But this master is different. He is much like a father. He wants to control me in certain ways, to use me sexually for His pleasure (and mine!), but he also wants to make me better. For instance, he wants me to walk tall with my shoulders back in high heels, seductively, which gives Him pleasure to watch, but also increases my self-esteem as a woman and sexual being. He wants me to stop using four-letter words, which increases my dignity both in my own eyes and in those of others. He asks me, no makes me, to do things which I wouldn't do for myself alone, and because He pleases me so, makes me want to do these things. It started sexually and has grown into a holistic, whole-person project.

Sometimes it is like going through a bad day and coming out good in the end. As I mention in my pain slut entry, it is as if Master takes me apart and puts me back together. I enjoy the pain from a sexual standpoint, for what reason I can't say, except that I was forced to perform sexual acts under threat of punishment when I was very young; perhaps I am reliving those experiences and trying to purge it. I certainly don't feel like a bad person who needs correction, except in little things sometimes, which we all do. It isn't that I want to be beaten to be punished for something wrong I did; I enjoy being beaten. I like the feeling of being helpless, not being able to get away, being used and hurt for a man's perverted desires. This turns me on. But the M/s relationship I have extends beyond the sexual. I think all male-female relationships need this sexual element to be pure. Like a student to his teacher, there must be some kind of connection in order for the learner to gain from the leader. I feel happier, more complete, when I have someone to give myself to in such a deep way. It is a sacrifice of sorts, though not one I begrudge. It is one I have sought out.

I have played with other men, been their toy, taken pain from them, worshiped their cocks, obeyed their orders, served them. That was how I started, from a merely sexual standpoint. And although they appreciated it, it wasn't like this. This one is my true master. We are very intimate, although He is a very private person and doesn't reveal everything to me. For instance, He went out of town today and told me he was going with "someone," but didn't tell me who. I don't mind. He needs privacy. It is part of his comfort, and I want Him to be comfortable. I trust Him implicitly with everything. I trust Him to tell me if He is going to become involved with another girl, but I know He isn't interested in anyone but me, except for occasional play, and only with me present. He does currently have one submissive He might like to bring to play with us. I know I can trust Him because He has always been honest with me, and has always been comfortable with my honesty, which can be brutal, but more...I know what kind of a person He is. He is very humble. He always exhibits the utmost ethical behavior. I can tell by how he acts and talks, his demeanor, how He holds Himself, how He treats me, how He relates to others, and the things He demands of me. He is like a father, or a god. I see Him that way. He is one of the greatest men I have ever known.

I believe the male-female dynamic should be in a dominant-submissive format, but only if the two partners can handle it. The man needs to be very strong and able to spend time thinking and working on the woman, considering her needs, not just her personal needs and wishes, not just sexually, but as a whole person in society. It is a huge responsibility. In return, He needs someone who can support and cater to His needs as well. But she needs to be strong and ready to bend her will to His. The relationship is cooperative, symbiotic. Like a housewife, or stay-at-home mom, she needs to be present domestically, mentally, emotionally, and physically, so that when he comes home from work she can serve His needs and make Him feel loved, comforted, and respected, and He will return this in full measure if He is a good man/husband/master. He might refuse her certain things or place restrictions on her activities, dress, food, activity levels, even her speech. He might make her do her hair a certain way, make her wear uncomfortable things, such as butt plugs, high heels, chastity belts. These things keep her conscious of His presence and power/control over her at all times, but also keep her cognizant of his attention to her. She is always in His mind. She is the jewel He comes home to. She is his little girl, slut, or whore, depending on His mood. In this way, he caters to her needs and keeps her "on her toes." He might punish her for wrongdoing. The rules are clear to them both. These things might be small or large in nature, but it is all sexually charged. That is the major component of their relationship, the basis, which leads naturally to all others. Did you read my essay called, "The Marks of a Good Master"? Remember my comment about not being allowed to be lazy? That is, in my opinion, the greatest downfall of all relationships. The partners get lazy and forget that their main focus in life is each other. The sexual spark goes out of the relationship, and with it their interest and respect in each other. This should not be allowed to happen. It is mainly up to the man to keep this order and so it is a hard job. A man must be mature and responsible to do it. I have friends who live like this, but without the BDSM element (no spanking, no pain, but lots of sex). It works. They are blissfully happy.

As far as the pain, sometimes it is arousing, sometimes not, but always sexual. Even after the pain, I remember it. It is as if He reaches INTO me, grabbing me from the inside, pushing and forcing His way in, and that is a deep connection. I love it. I get aroused later thinking about it. I get aroused anticipating it. It isn't that I want to be hurt for hurt's sake. There is good pain and bad pain. For instance, I would not like it at all if he stepped on my toe really hard or burned me with a hot pan, something of that nature. Or if he punched me in the stomach. What I like to receive, and what He likes to give, is erotic pain. It is usually in some form which reminisces of "punishment", such as spanking or whipping, or has a sexual link, such as clamps on my nipples or a plug in my ass. This reinforces His position "over" me, as an authority figure, but also reinforces my role as a sexual being. The two together are magical. I worship Him, even in my postures. Whenever I come into His presence, I am to kneel down, and place my forehead on the floor, arms outstretched toward Him. This is my greeting. It says, "Hello, Master, welcome, I am glad to see you, what can I do for You, I am Your slave, What do You require?" Can you imagine greeting your husband that way when he comes home from work? Naked?

Of course, you can't because of the kids. That is one element that we do not have to deal with. I go to His house and it is just me and Him. I leave everything behind. If we had kids it would be different, but there would always be that element of Dominance/submission. I would still have requirements. He would punish me at night for infractions during the day. This would keep me sharp and attentive, but also sexually ripe at all times, ready for His attentions, ready to please Him. Do you see how that works? There would be a fairly rigid structure and it would spill over into the kids. They would have limits and see the hierarchy. There would be less fighting. We as parents would support each other (he would lay down the limits and I would reinforce) and parenting would be easier. At least, that 's what I imagine. :)

Don't get me wrong. My needs are met, too. He doesn't just order me around and never listen to my side of the story. I am allowed to express any opinion, even in disagreement, if it is done at the right time and with respect. But a good man deserves respect. And what about me? I have His respect, but I need it in a different way. I trust Him not to hurt me (really, as in injury). If I were sick He would probably give me respite in my duties until I was better. He likes to talk to me, he values my brain, wants me to read and educate myself, he cares about my physical and social well-being. (He loves my yoga poses...even a sexual element there, which makes me want to do it even more!) Even as a wife and mother, he wants me to be the best I can be and never interferes with my life here at home.

Every M/s relationship is different. It depends on the particular needs and tastes of the people involved. Not all submissives are slaves, but I need a deeper level of service and commitment so I choose to identify as a slave. I am highly sexual and so is Master. He pleases me and I want to please Him back, to the utmost and highest level possible. In my other life I must be dominant, and in fact in many areas I do consider myself to be dominant, but with Him I am 98% submissive. This doesn't mean I am an automaton. I sometimes disagree with things he says or wants me to do, but it is my place to accept it and move on. If my disagreement is very strong, I can express my opinion, but His decision is final.

Of course, we have not really lived it 24/7, so I don't know how I would feel living under these constraints all the time, but He is fair and wise and reasonable, and I tend to think I would adjust. If not, I might get in trouble some for disobedience or disrespect, but being punished is part of the fun. What good in life comes without a price? If He didn't take me in hand, I wouldn't respect Him and the structure would fall apart.

I hope I have illuminated some of it for you. I think you probably can relate to a lot of what I am saying. Tell me what you think.

Love you.

glory"

She wrote back:

"I am glad you went in depth about your relationship. I feel enlightened now and more informed. It certainly is different from the kind of partnership one usually expects. However, I like the idea of becoming a better person and getting in touch with who you really are. It is not all that different from how the Bible explains a husband and a wife relationship. The husband makes a lot of the decisions and the wife is submissive to his needs and to how things are done. At the same time the husband holds his wife above all else and she in turn gives him all the love and support and tenderness he needs. "

Can I hear an "AMEN" ?

The Holistic Pain Slut

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:04:11 GMT

Master is so considerate. I asked him if he wouldn't mark me this week because I have a massage appt, so he didn't hang me up in the garage and beat me as he usually does. No, yesterday he used a new little slapper we just got on my freshly shaven pussy, as I wore a ring gag with clover clamps attached to it and my nipples (I love sub-shop.com!). He beat me 265 times, making me hold my ankles in the air and receive his attention. I kept thinking, "It's only pain, it's only pain"...that's my new mantra.

But when he hit my already sore, aching, tender left nipple with that thing, I broke form. I moaned piteously and pulled into the fetal position, closing my legs and turning away from him. He didn't say anything. He waited. I knew my time allowance was finite, but I just couldn't bring myself to unfurl right away. After about fifteen or twenty seconds, I realized I had stolen enough time, and soon Master would probably make me sorry I had taken too long, but I was ready to cry. Still, in deference to what I knew were his wishes, I turned back over and opened myself up again. I was whimpering a little. My eyes were closed and I know I had this look on my face like a bad little girl who just got punished and is angry with her daddy but knows she better not say anything or it will get worse. I knew if he hit me again I would cry. He didn't hit me again. Not that day. He beckoned me up to his embrace, held me, and kissed me, and told me I was a good girl.

What a sweet Daddy he is.

What I love most about these kinds of encounters is being broken down and put back together. It has been stated more than once, by better people than me. Painful submission is like being taken apart and rebuilt. It is a gift, something only a confident Daddy/Master can do for his girl. I have often wondered what the reasons are for this. Sometimes I think I like the challenge of overcoming the pain. It makes me feel strong and powerful. In another sense, taking pain from another is the ultimate giving of oneself. I'm sure there are deeper, psychological reasons, too. Am I reliving some ghost from my past? Trying to change it and fix it by experiencing it and conquering it over and over again? Most definitely! I think all of these things are true, for me at least, and perhaps for other submissives and pain sluts.

Is it abnormal, or sick? I don't worry about that. It feels right to me. I try to be honest with myself and others (to a fault sometimes). I feel like it's the only way to be real. Healing through truth. We all have ghosts and skeletons. I'm not afraid to look them in the face. Most people live under a mask all the time. They are rarely themselves, especially in public, but also to family, even to themselves. They suppress memories. They get angry and they don't know why. Some people go to therapy. Some commit murders to try to purge the pain. Some shut down and stop feeling. And then there are those who travel to the other end of that spectrum: they become pain sluts.

But I'm not thinking about therapy when I'm hanging on Master's hook. I'm simply doing what I enjoy, and doing it in a context of service. It is a great turn-on to me to serve even against my own comfort. It is comforting to be paid attention to, even painful attention. It is affirming to be appreciated for that sacrifice. It gives me a great sense of achievement to overcome physical pain and discomfort to please another person. But not just any other person. One who pleases me back. One who appreciates me. One who loves me. One who needs me as much as I need Him. That brings it full circle, makes it complete. That is the holistic nature of painful service.

Puppies and Ponies

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 21:01:51 GMT

What is the difference between puppies and ponies?

Puppies get to sit at their owners' feet and have their heads
rubbed.

Puppies get to play fetch.

Puppies whine and bark.

Puppies get called to come with the snap and point of fingers.

Puppies are viewed as sweet companions.

Ponies, however, are not.

Ponies are for work and show.

Ponies are restrained, whipped, and trained.

Ponies are handled rather than loved.

Ponies are held and pushed to a standard.

Ponies are large, heavy animals which require harsher treatment
and fewer rewards.

Ponies are beautiful.

The Mark of a Good Master

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 18:09:00 GMT

I watched "What Women Want" last night for the first time. It is a movie about a selfish, chauvanistic man (played by Mel Gibson) who, through a fortuitous accident in the tub with a hair dryer, gets shocked and falls and hits his head. When he wakes up, he can mysteriously hear all women's thoughts. The plot is built around his job with an advertising firm. He is "the best", or so he thinks, and is lined up for a promotion. But his boss hires a woman instead, because the company wants to market to the largest target group in the country: women. The man (let's call him Jack, since I can't remember his name) is a womanizer who thinks he knows women, but finds through this experience that he has a lot to learn.
The plot starts out in his childhood. He was surrounded by women growing up. His mother was a dancer in Las Vegas (the kind with feather headdresses and pasties) and he was the center of a lot of female attention. This led him to become an egomaniac who loves women for their looks and what they can do for HIM. He is described as a "Man's Man" by the narrator (a woman), and though he has a circle of male friends who all seem to look up to him, the truth is, he isn't really a "Man's Man" in the true definition of the term. He lies too much, which takes away from his honor.

As the movie progresses, after the shock of being able to hear women's thoughts, he figures out that he can use this ability to get what He wants, but he does this by lying and duplicitousness. In some cases, he steals ideas from the new female promotee to make himself look good on the job, and it works. But when he starts to fall in love with the new woman, after starting a relationship with a very delicate submissive woman (I can just tell), he ends up telling the sub he's gay to break up with her without hurting her feelings. He does this because he hears her thinking, "Please, just tell me you're gay." So he is able to tie up the loose ends of that relationship and move on to bigger fish, primarily the one sitting in his chair at work.

The movie is humorous in parts and very cute in ways, but I had a lot of trouble with Jack's getting what he wants while supposedly giving women what they want. So, the question of what women want, though touched on, was not really answered. And Jack was no example of a good man, at least until the end when he manages to go through a character change and try to redeem himself. But all his successes are on the shoulders of women he has used.

Which brings me here. I have thoughts on these topics which I would like to discuss, but not so much on what women want as what they need, whether they realize it or not, and how a good master facilitates that. I would like also to come to a clearer understanding of the man-woman dynamic, the morality of relating to another human being, what is natural and what is good, all in a context of BDSM, which is, of course, my favorite topic of all.

The phrase "Man's Man" led me to really think about what a MAN is, or should be. My husband (yes, I am married, and not to my Master) was a boy scout when he was young, and he sometimes lists the boyscout virtues: a boyscout should be: Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent. That's a good list, but it's only a start. We should all aspire to these virtues, at the very least. But being a good man, beyond that a good master, means a lot more.

We all know that having and keeping a woman (and/or a family) involves a huge amount of responsibility. A good husband/father must be able to take on this responsibility, both in his professional life and personal life. He must be successful at his job, to provide security to himself there so that he can provide for his family. He must be fairly good at interpersonal realtionships, so he can be liked and respected by his colleagues, his wife, and his children. He should be good at making money, to provide security. A master must be able to do all this, and more. He must be "beyond the pale".

A true master must be, as they say, a "Man's Man." But what does this mean? Well, he must first fulfill all of the above, for these are minor requirements. But a master must exceed these requirements. He should be educated, and not necessarily at an Ivy League school. Self-education is just as impressive. He must be respected by other men, be able to lead and inspire confidence (also called emotional strength), he must be confident in himself and his leadership, he must not listen to gossip, yet he must be able to take criticism and use it to better himself. He must be more concerned with the welfare of those around him (slave, wife, children, colleagues, friends, etc.) than he is for himself. Strangely, he must have a very strong ego while maintaining a calm humility (or humbleness, if you like). He must be able to control without being viewed as "controlling." He must be honest and possess honor. With these traits, he can be the rock, the foundation on which to lay good relationships and a good life for himself and those of whom he has charge.

It has been discussed in other forums and journals how a master must be a very confident person, so confident as to be awe-inspiring. He must able to take a woman to places she might be afraid to go. He must lead her there with confidence. He has to be able to push her beyond her comfort zone, lay down rules, punish her sometimes, and not lose confidence when she gets angry or starts to cry. He has to know when to be tender and give rewards. He has to be ever cognizant of her needs as well as his own, and he has to walk the line of meeting her needs as well as his. It is a constant dance of decision-making. He cannot be afraid of "stepping over" her boundaries...he must forge ahead and be ready to correct his own mistakes as well as hers. He must be strong, but also be able to bend. The hard part is knowing when to bend.

Let me just put in a plug here for the other half of the D/s-M/s unit. A sub must also be strong. Submissiveness is not for the weak at heart. A sub must endure physical pain or discomfort, but also emotional turmoil at times, as she is deprived (in some cases) of decision-making (although some view this as a blessing), she must be always open and available, physically and mentally, to the teachings and attentions, and other deprivations, her master chooses to give her. She must be always "at the ready" for whatever type of service her master requires of her. And although this is a sub's nature, just as it is a mother's nature to give to her children, that doesn't always make it easy. But the best relationships are where each partner gives to the other one. It is a balanced, harmonious, symbiotic relationship which makes both partners happy. How can a slave make her master happy, after all, if she herself is miserable?

This is a question we should ask of all relationships, even vanilla ones. Many marriages become stagnant or unhappy because the partners begin to forget to serve the other one. They start to "take each other for granted", assuming that the other one will always be there for them no matter how bad things get. Well, we've all seen how that turns out.

I feel any relationship should be an ongoing, uphill process. This doesn't mean it should get harder. To the contrary, as it goes on, and the partners learn each other, it should only get easier. But the challenge should never go out of it. This is what I think it means when people speak of "that spark". I find the M/s dynamic to be the best kind of balance, because as the master continues to put demands on the slave, he keeps her sharp. She lives by rules that are meant to be followed. If they are not, a swift punishment will follow. She is not allowed to become lazy. This is good. None of us should ever become lazy, whether it is in our physical life (i.e., fitness), mental (i.e., education), spiritual (i.e., meditation/service), interpersonal, sexual, etc, etc, etc. We should always strive to climb higher and higher. And I do subscribe to the idea that submission is a form of spirituality, but that's a topic for another essay.

The master, by his very nature and the nature of the M/s relationship, is also not allowed to become stagnant. He must be ever vigilant, thinking up new ways to challenge and extend the slave's service. This is perhaps the greatest aspect of Mastering I can think of, because it comes on top of all the other requirements, and yet it is essential. If the Master becomes lazy, so does the slave, and the whole structure will fall apart. Soon they will become bored with each other and slip into "vanilla" life. In other words, Hell.

Any relationship takes work. Good relationships are built on many things, responsibility, trust, and mutual respect being not the least of them. These are things many Doms seem to forget about. I think some men think that domming a woman is as easy as tying her up, slapping her around, and fucking her hard. That might excite a new subbie the first few times, but it is flat and won't last. Many slaves enjoy the physical challenge of a beating, but few would enjoy being stood against a wall, punched in the face, and sent straight to bed. This has no return for the slave. A slave is there to serve, but she must be taken care of to be able to serve fully; therefore her needs must be met as well as the Master's, and this involves more than aftercare.

Slaves are people (as much as we enjoy being objects!) and as such they deserve to be treated with decency. Don't get me wrong. I am a huge pain slut, and love to be used, humiliated, and objectified ("rode hard and put away wet," as they say in West Virginia) but if I didn't think my Master appreciated what I do for him, I'd begin to feel really used, in a bad way, undervalued as a person. I believe Master respects me even as he pisses in my mouth. I know this because of the way he treats me when we aren't "scening". There is tenderness and love, as there should be. I trust him not to hurt me even though his whip is bruising and welting my skin and I'm screaming and crying for him to stop. He takes responsibility for my well-being, emotionally, physically, and socially (he wouldn't send me out naked in cold weather, for example, or give me in use to someone he doesn't trust). This isn't to say he only does what I want. That wouldn't be any kind of M/s dynamic. I would hate that! No, Master does what he wants, but the magic of it is, he wants precisely the same things I want. That's a good match.

I didn't always think like this. I was in an abusive relationship for two years, but I didn't see it until it was over, and that was his doing, not mine (thank God he left me!). I didn't have much of a father. I grew up around women mostly, or crazy, impotent men like my grandfather. I had no strong male influences except my uncle and I only met him twice before I lived with him for one summer after my freshman year of college. Not enough time to learn the male virtues.

I am learning them now. My master is all the things I have described and more. I enjoy serving him because he takes care of me, not just sexually (and that's a hard job, believe me!) but emotionally and mentally. He leads, guides, and protects me like the father I never had. He brings out qualities in me I never imagined I had. He commands my respect, but not by his orders or his demeanor, compelling as they are. No, he IS a Man's Man, a leader among men. He is uncompromising in his ethics, has high standards, and that in itself makes me feel like a prize.

If I could give one gift to my sister subs, it would be a master like the one who happened to find me at work that night four months ago, the one who knew what I was without any hints from me, the one who has led, protected, and shaped me, and will continue to shape me, into a better person for as long as he owns me. If I could have chosen my own father, I would have picked Master... except that then, I couldn't be his fucktoy.... Nah.

Psychology of BDSM Survey

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:43:31 GMT

Hello, everyone. I want to know what makes us BDSM-ers "tick". I have always wanted to see a scientific study done, but Kensey's paltry figures hardly shed any light on why we do this. This survey is optional and for my information only. I am not collecting demographic info for another entity, and I'm not collecting names. I believe BDSM is very natural, and many people have the tendencies who don't know it yet. But I have always been curious if there are any determining factors of BDSM lifestylers, or if it is all by chance. By filling out this survey, you give me (and our brothers and sisters in the lifestyle) a better idea of what causes, if any, there are for our preferences, feelings, and beliefs, and if there are any common threads between us that have made us what we are. Thanks for your support!
-glory

View Poll: Psychology of BDSM Survey

Psychology of BDSM

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:20:24 GMT

Hello, all.

I wonder if it is possible to know what makes us what we are, i.e. Dom, sub, switch, just kinked in general. I want to know if it has anything to do with childhood experiences, how we were raised, genetics, or if it is a completely independent choice, or by happenstance that we come to discover our sexuality thus. To this end, I want to produce a survey, which I have yet to do, and I would love to get as many replies as possible. It will not pass for a scientific study, but it may appease my curiosity a bit, and others out there might be interested, too.

I am in the process of creating it, and finding a way for people to answer it as a form (perhaps a poll?). Please tell all your friends to participate and help me find out why we are like this!

-glory

A Question of Humiliation

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 03:40:43 GMT

A Question of Humiliation

What is humiliation, and how is it achieved? Most will agree that the conditions for humiliation vary from person to person. Why is this, and how is it overcome? Does humiliation have any usefulness in a relationship?

Before we answer these questions, we must examine the meanings of the words involved. The American Heritage Dictionary defines humiliation as a reduction "in grade, rank, or status; deprivation of an office or dignity." Most slaves are stripped of their clothing, treated like animals by being made to wear a collar, crawl instead of walk, take food from a bowl on the floor, etc. Many of them are also deprived of speaking "privileges" or the ability to make decisions regarding their clothing and food. These are just a few examples of how, when a person becomes a slave, he/she is "bumped down" several notches in status, being considered "below" the master in rank, and how a slave might experience a loss of dignity by exhibiting certain "uncivilized" behaviors.

But what is dignity, then, and how do we experience it, or its loss? The dictionary defines dignity with words like "self-respect, inherent nobility and worth, respect, and honor." So the idea is, if I had any self-respect or if Master respected me, I wouldn't be naked on Master's floor eating from a bowl? Hardly. Most slaves relish their "inferior" positions as part of their service, love doing whatever their master orders, and benefit from this service directly. Far from destroying self-worth, with the right master, slavery enhances it.

The truth is, each Master/slave relationship is different as is each slave's experience, so I can only speak to my own and try to give support to others like me. I, personally, am a very hard person to humiliate, so this is an exploration of what humiliation means to me. I am hoping it will help other "hard-core" slaves to an understanding.

For a long time, I thought humiliation was equal to embarrassment, and I think many people still do. They use embarrassment as their principal means of humiliating their sub/slave. You've probably read accounts of people who take their sub out in ugly clothes or have him/her walk around with "slut" written on her forehead. This kind of public shame, though embarrassing and shame-inspiring, is not the kernel of humiliation.

To me, humiliation must involve being "knocked down" or made to feel inferior. The word is very close to "humility", which religious leaders have taught is a blessed trait; "Blessed are the meek". In other words, do not put yourself above others. (This also speaks to pride.) But humiliation goes a step further. It is also deeper than mere embarrassment, which merely causes someone to feel "self-conscious or ill-at-ease."

For me, it usually happens just when I've gotten comfortable. Sometimes Master lets me eat with him at table. Part of my training is to be more dignified in my comportment (when I'm not crawling around on the floor). On one occasion, we were having dinnertime conversation, and for a few moments I felt very...vanilla. I was relaxed and began to speak freely, until He called me down three times for talking with food in my mouth. It was only a little, I thought. How could He tell? I wondered if I would be punished, but more so, I hoped he wasn't too disappointed with me.

Certainly I felt embarrassed by my lack of manners in front of someone whose opinion I esteem so highly, but the humiliation of it was that I was made to feel like a child. Everyone knows you don't talk with your mouth full! This reinforced my lack of rank and knocked some of the pride out of me. As we continued to eat and talk (after swallowing) I asked a question about Master's finances without thinking. He suddenly stopped talking, looked at me with disbelief at my indiscretion, and said, "I'm not going to tell you that," as if to say, "Everyone knows you don't ask questions like that."

Now that made me feel stupid. It put me in my "place" -- below Master, yet also made me feel unworthy of his esteem and ready to do anything to buy it back. It was silly of me to assume such familiarity. I could have been punished for that as well, but the humiliation of His disapproval was a harsher sting. Yet his fatherly approach bonded me to him, causing me to try harder to please. This is an obvious benefit of humiliation, but it must be done in the context of a loving relationship.

I was raised in a very open household. My mother ran naked almost constantly and we spoke very openly of private and sexual matters. There was no emphasis on table manners; in fact, we hardly ever at at table and often ate with our fingers, whether it was finger food or not. Dignity wasn't a quality I was encouraged in. We lived like hippies, sitting on the floor, raising our voices, and using a lot of vulgar language.

So for me, having to go naked and crawl and eat on the floor isn't humiliating. It feels like home. But losing Master's esteem is very humiliating. Since I don't embarrass easily, it takes this emotional reinforcement of my lowered status to knock me down. One would think the regular protocol of being a slave would be humiliating enough, but not for me. When I am on the floor, kissing Master's shoes, or being led by the hair, I "should" be made to feel "lower", but instead I relish the chance to give Master my obedience. This is where I want to be. So, to me, these acts are an expression of my devotion and service, and a way for me to return Master's love and attention. It is when Master talks "down" to me that I feel truly humiliated, or when I must ask permission to do things I normally do automatically, like light a cigarette or use the bathroom. These are all subtle but effective means of humiliation; they all remind me of my rank and place as Master's servant.

Humiliation also involves losing the "right" to act autonomously. There are several scenes in The Marketplace where Sharon, the self-proclaimed "pleasure slave" is used sexually by Jack, the dirty, unrefined stableman. The owners do this to her on purpose, and also force her to do hard labor and deny her the tools to groom herself to perfection. She is insulted by this treatment because she thinks of herself as talented and beautiful, and feels she deserves to be serving the master and mistress, not the common workers. This is the type of humiliation I refer to. Sharon is lowered in status in many ways, and they all make her feel her lack of power. But by taking her pride, they teach her a valuable lesson in humility.

I think the most powerful humiliation techniques are where the slave's lack of power is accentuated, as in decision-making, especially in regard to preferences. Of course, this structure is already in place, wherein normal things like smoking are considered a privilege. If Master made me do or say something I felt was below me, though, this would strike against my dignity. If He forced me to sexually service someone I found undesirable, for example, this would be very humiliating, but I would do it, even be aroused by it, because I want to do whatever he tells me, even if it hurts. My subservience, my obedience, my lack of rank, my lack of power, these are what turn me on. But only because I have the utmost trust and confidence in Him not to abuse me (in the true sense of the word).

Though consistent humiliation makes one appreciate the smallest freedoms and kindnesses, it is a psychological slap in the face if used sparingly. It takes one's pride away for a few moments. It can be a tool for growth and bonding between a master and slave, but it can also be a source of strife. One must be careful not to push the envelope too far. If Master made me feel undignified in public or showed a lack of respect for me in front of someone else by, say, insulting my intelligence, this would anger me and put the relationship in peril. Or, if He denied me something I considered a right or a need, such as food, warmth, safety, etc., I would lose my confidence in Him and we would have real "issues".

But I know Master loves and esteems me, because no matter how harshly he treats me, He always follows up with "aftercare," love and tenderness. He tells me he loves me, he tells me I'm smart, he encourages me to read, write, and educate myself, and always makes sure I am safe, healthy, happy, and secure. Like a protective father, He watches over me. Because I know that His love and respect underlie all our exchanges, it doesn't matter how far he knocks me down, because He always manages to lift me up in the end.

This is why I am so happy to serve Him, and His support is why I am able to make Him so happy, too. The relationship is symbiotic, mutual, reciprocal, and complete.

I actually enjoy Master's little lessons in humility. Each one teaches me something about myself; it expands my limits and thus my usefulness as a slave. My growth as a person is mirrored in my success as His slave, and that is, after all, the purpose of life, isn't it?

-glory

Discussion: Begging

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:41:38 GMT

Hey ya'll,

Any thoughts or experiences in the ideals of "begging"..

Ever done it...

Ever experienced it

Is it a good or not so good slave quality to have...and why?

How does it make you feel?

Does your Owners enjoy or not enjoy? Why?

Any suggestions on how to cultivate your skills in the art of begging?

Does it teach humility?

Is it erotic?

and of course any other thoughts you might have on the concept of "begging"..

Hugggggggs,
lara

Discussion: Humility versus Spirituality

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:37:57 GMT

Hi There Everyone,

i would enjoy hearing everyone's thoughts on the ideals of "Humility" and how this might and/or might not factor into your ideals of being a slave.

Humility versus Spirituality. In many cases, in Christianity for instance, there is no place for excessive pride and ego or arrogance, nor is there a place for excessive pride and ego or arrogance in the life and heart of a slave.

What is your ideals of Humlity versus Christianity versus Buddhism versus the life of a Nun or even say the life of those in a monestary.

Are there any correlations you might be able to see of some good qualities of those that are called to a Spiritual Service to those that are called to the BDSM Life of slavery or submission.

Are they any good qualities that you can see from say for instance the life of a nun or any other spiritual caling that might be good qualities for a BDSM slave to have or cultivate.

What does Humility mean to you?

This is pretty much a wide open topic as i'm sure i didn't even touch the surface or give it justice...but as always...please feel free to expand as much or as little as you'd like.

lara

Quote - Confidence makes a Master

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 18:09:23 GMT

"Confidence makes a Master - The confidence that a Master has to wield
extends further than to the end of a whip. Certainly, the admission that
one is a sadist, and has the right to enjoy sadistic activity is part of
Master's character. Sadism though, is only one of the ways that dominance
is exercised, albeit a noticeable one. Confidence shows itself in one's
ability to do what one likes, to order others to do one's bidding, and to
enjoy the results of one's control over others. By culture and ethics, we
often feel that to allow others to serve us is somehow wrong. It takes
ownership of one's mastery to sit back while another obeys.

~The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella - pg. 53

sooo what do ya'll think? How does this speak to you?

Huggggs,
lara