Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Anxiety/Panic Support Community's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, August 23rd, 2008
4:13 pm [magnolia44]	My first day of college is on Monday, and it's Saturday. I also just got a new job, and my first day is on Tuesday morning before school. I feel like it's all really surreal, and it's not really going to happen, like I'm not really going to be in classes on Monday-Friday. I'm really nervous.  I talked to my mom about everything, and she put everything into perspective saying I've been just sitting around the house for 3 months over the summer, no job, no school, really no interaction with anyone, and that's what I've gotten comfortable with and now that everything is starting up, of course I'm going to have panic and anxiety. She gave me CDs and it's a 15 week program for anxiety and depression, and I just started the first CD today.  It's really crazy to hear it, because I can now identify with so many other people, who feel exactly the same as me, same fears, same way of thinking. I'm really hopeful that everything will settle down in a few weeks and I will get comfortable with my new busy schedule and total new environment at college.  I'm using today and tomorrow as just days to relax, and clear my head and get ready for everything.  The thing that's really making me anxious is that I don't have anything to wear to school.  But then, they're just clothes right? (Comment on this)
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
8:46 pm [magnolia44]	today... today i had orientation for college.  every freshman was there in the gym, and i had locked myself in the bathroom crying, because i couldn't handle it.  i actually left early, and i probably missed some important stuff.  i feel like such a loser  (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 3rd, 2008
7:42 pm [rocks4change]	My entire life (19 years) I've spent loving boys, chasing after them and being genuinely sexually attracted to them. Last year, I had the honor of falling in love with my current boyfriend. He's amazing...but like many boys...had some confusion when it came to truly committing to me. We ended up breaking up for about a month...after I got some extensive knee surgery. I was heartbroken. Here was the boy that I was genuinely in love with...breaking my heart. He flipped back and forth between wanting to get back together and not, and started dating another girl. I was forced to be bed ridden and try to not think about him loving someone else. God, it hurts to even write about the pain I went through during that time. Thanks to my knee surgery I was forced to withdraw from school this semester and I'm now stuck at home. A home that isn't filled with love at all. My parents hate each other and it's basically your typical Civil War deal. A house divided. My mom and I vs. My dad and my brother. My dad threw his own version of a bitch fit and has made the past 3 months very hard for me. School (I was hopefully going to take some minimesters) hasn't worked out so I have to wait until summer to take classes. While my boyfriend and I have gotten back together...my feelings haven't been bounding out of the ground. They've been guarded and while I know I still love him...I'm scared. To answer your question, yes, we have had sex. Pretty good sex too. ha. Anyway. I've been going through a lot of changes and have pretty much hit a depression of monumental proportions. I don't really see my friends because I'm stuck at home and Physical Therapy has been really hard. But for the past two weeks...things have gotten even more confusing. I've always noticed characteristics of other girls. Boobs. Hair. Ass. Judged them against my own. It's normal I know. But lately...I've been scared that these noticings have been more because I'm attracted to them or because they're noticings. I'm terrified that I'm gay or Bi or something. They're confusing thoughts and I feel myself testing my head everywhere I go. When I watched American Pie: American Wedding..I wasn't turned on by the Strippers. Merely curious about whether their boobs looked like mine. I watched and looked for signs that I was turned on by the scenes...but I wasn't. In fact, I was completely turned on by my boyfriend who had just had wisdom teeth surgery and was puffy cheeked. These thoughts are getting obsessive though. I think about boobs and I can't get them out of my head. These thoughts aren't gratifying...merely troubling and I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind. I don't have control over my own head anymore. I'm even afraid that my attraction to men is waning because Channing Tatum (god love him) isn't turning me on like he used to. I know that I might be stuck in some version of a major freak out but I really need help. Someone to talk to and maybe give me advice. I talked to my mom and she said it's natural to be curious and that many women go through a phase where they wonder about their sexual orientation. Please. Help. The thoughts are making me feel so anxious. I just want to get rid of them. I'm terrified that these thoughts are going to become gratifying in some way and all I really want is to go back to the way I used to be. In control of my mind. I'm not taking any medications ( I just stopped taking the pill because it was altering my mood too much) and I'm looking for a good therapist. HELP. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
9:13 pm [lil_flirty_one]	Wanna Share Some News Hey there beautiful people , yesterday was in fact a good day . I had to drive from tampa to tallahassee which is a 4 hour trip for me , all though i did not make the trip alone i did however drive the 4 hours without taking a xanax. In fact i didnt take a xanax on the way back so i in fact made a 8 hour trip without it. I finally took one at approx midnight just to unwind . I am so proud of myself , then I went without one till 8pm . Unfortunately i got one of those headaches , (maybe withdrawal) so i had to take half (.25). I just wanted to share some good news and maybe give those who are having tough times with this beast a glimmer of hope that you can conquer it one tiny step at a time . I have been going through panic attacks for 3 years off and on lately more on. But I'm determined to get my life back and i am here to offer a ear to anyone who needs it. I have a habit of bringing a little humor to it , and it is not as bad , i have decided not to dwell on it i want to be in control and not have it control me , i know that sounds easier said than done and i have my off days just like everyone else but i pick myself and start the next day like yesterday did not exists. with much luv and respect your fellow pani-maniac...(wink) Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
8:38 am [evilnstuff]	Introduction Hello!  I just joined, I'm 39, female and have anxiety and panic issues/attacks or whatever you call them.  I don't have a therapist, unless you can consider medication that, and thought this would be a good place to be able to let loose when I have an, errrrr occurrence.  I think I have always had anxiety - looking back it's easy to spot, but it was after events caused by my ex (starting from before I divorced him), that they became a real problem in  my life, getting in the way of a "normal" day.  Thankfully, I can talk to my mom much of the time, and it soothes me to the point I don't have to pop a pill, but she cannot always be there, ya know.  I'm angered that "he" did this to me, I have a hard time excepting even happiness when it's right in front of my face, and I'm afraid that I will loose people I love because of this.  I hate the feelings it causes me, like I want to jump out of my skin - like it's crawling.  Sometimes I can't even make it to the smokeshop to buy cigarettes or sometimes even food, I have to have my S/O do it for me.  This is ridiculous and very unsettling. I keep telling myself that I have to do this that or the other to make myself better, but I can't seem to get myself to do what I think it is I should do.  I know I have problems, I know there are things I can do to help, but why can't I seem to do anything? Current Mood: anxious (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
6:39 pm [msangel]	he's gone. he's really, really gone. wow.  what a waste of a few months. i should have never let him back into my life.  i was doing just fine.  really, i was.  he said, above all things, i want to be your friend this time.  he wasn't.  he said, i never want to hurt you again.  but he did.  this all shall pass.  hopefully, i'll be over it soon.  being hung up and hurt over the same guy for the second time sucks.  Suddenly my age and the fact that i am still single is bothering me.  it never really bothered me before.  angel, how do you expect to find someone if all you do is push them away?  i do not know.  angel, you broke things off with HIM.  you can't possibly expect him to call or come over now.  but i do, i did.  i want to break things off with him then i want him to come back on his own and then i'll feel better and i'll tell myself, he must really love me cause he comes back everytime i break up with him.  oh yes, it's true ~ self-esteem doesn't live here full-time.  only some of the time.  i must test everyone.  test!  test!  testing....you are part of an emotionally grueling test to see if angel can trust you or not.  to pass, you must stay and endure every exhausting, pathetic, desperate, dramatic experiment that angel throws at you.  she has to be really, really sure that you like her.  She has to be really, really sure that you care about her and love her and believe in her and you'll never leave and your eyes will never stray and you'll think about her during the day, and you'll call her when you say you will and you want to hang out with her instead of your friends and you will make her feel beautiful and you will never leave her.   sadly, she will make sure that you fail the test, so she can be a victim, alone and isolated.  this is very important to her because it means that she will never have to be close to anyone.  never  have to trust anyone.  and YOU must let her live this twisted lie or she will push you away next. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
10:14 am [mrshannibal]	anxiety once again i am visited by an old friend don't know the length of the visit or the reason but it's here anxiety it doesn't knock on my door hasn't since we first met it overwhelms me - makes me shake turns my stomach leaving me confused and torn i rush around - willing it to leave trying to hide i don't want to be held by this i am cornered - it envelopes me tearing me between fear, depression and mania i am at a loss for words - i can feel my strength waning and i struggle to hold back to hold onto sanity but it holds me Current Mood: anxious Current Music: "dont stop the dance" (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 21st, 2006
1:20 pm [mrshannibal]	these anxieties/mania seems to be climbing on top of me... i feel like my brain/head/mind is moving at incredible speeds, and yet - physically? i am moving slowly and i can't seem to function physically... i barely managed to eat a complete lunch... this derealization feeling is for the shits right about now... not pleasant at all... so i am going home, taking a klonopin and laying down cuz really - that would be the safest place for me to be right about now... more tomorrow... (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 12th, 2006
2:35 pm [lemonbox]	Save The Furries! I don't know if this is okay, but I didn't find that is was written as forbidden? I've become a foster parent for two kittie families of BARC. Until last night I had 2 nursing mothers & 6 babies(3 each). As of 12:48am this morning, I lost one. I spent all of yesterday & last night with her, but she just wasn't strong enough. One of my kittie families is very sick. They contracted some sort of virus inside the shelter before I picked them up.... now they are battling for their lives. One of the kittens seemed healthy, & I seperated her out immidiately. She is doing well & has been adopted(so to speak) by my own kitties. The remaining kitten & it's mother are very sick. Not doing well at all! The mother is coughing & sneezing & is absolutely dripping mucus. Very dehydrated. She is pretty miserable. She has stopped eating & as a result has stopped producing milk for the baby. We'd essentially been force feeding her, but this stresses her out so, it's almost not worth it. The baby is very hopefull, & can be coaxed to eat goats milk & wet cat food. She still isn't intaking enough. She's catching her mother's illness. Her dehydration has reached a level that causes horrible diarreah. This means that none of the benifits of her eating is sticking. They both need medication, IV fluids, & much much more. BARC can/will only cover this for a moment. They will provide some of the IV fluids & medication. These animinals need much much more. I'm asking all of you now, please help me! I'm requesting donations from anyone & everyone. Anything you can give. Everything helps! Without this vital assistance, they will die too! When making a donation, if you'd like updates on these babies... Comment in your contact info. We can send you pictures & info of their(hopefull) progress. Thank you! if donate button fails, you can donate via paypal to friendsoffurries@yahoo.com X-Posted (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
2:52 pm [nightspawn]	Pimping a new community Can you find some lighheartedness is the darkness? How about some funny in the crazy? Maybe some quips from the journal of an anxiety filled life? I think you have the idea. emmabuggles, our mighty (community) creator and moderator, put it like this; "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it" "I have started this community for people who want to find any positives in their mental illness. It is for jokes, quips and stories. Also, feel free to post purely to be cheered up if your down (but please don't write too much about how ~blah~ you're feeling... keep it short or lj-cut it!). It is not for taking mentall ilness lightly. Mental Illness is serious and debilitating. It is horrific to be taken over by." So, if you'd like to help each other in finding or sharing some humor or bright spots in your insanity, join us at defy_the_beasts Cool name, huh? Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Monday, May 8th, 2006
1:20 pm [nightspawn]	Injecting a bit of levity Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack. Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?! Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies? Lusty: they don't exist. Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too. Ziggy: Right before the invasion Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
8:50 pm [saywa]	Whhhhy oh whhhhy!! Why is it that when I don't feel well physically (for REAL not due to anxiety symptoms) I start to flip out. Since Saturday afternoon I've felt awful. I've just felt all around droopy and my stomach is a mess. I don't know if it's something I ate or if I caught a stomach bug. I automatically jump to the worst possible scenario. "I'm pregnant (even though I'm on my period RIGHT NOW) or I'm dying or I've had a cyst burst" or something stupid. Then I get all worked up and I feel worse. BLAH! Why can't I just be sick and not worry myself to death?! Not to mention the thought of actually throwing up terrifies me. I'm such a hypochondriac. Does anyone else do this to themselves? Do you have anything that makes you feel better? Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 31st, 2005
8:55 am [mrshannibal]	this morning's dream: i am at a house down the street near the bowling alley...there are several people in the house - most are friends...children running around, lots of food, beverages, what nots and a couple of dogs...the celebration is my birthday and at first i am fine with it...but then it becomes too much for me to handle, and i want to leave...i still want the party to continue, but i don't want to be there anymore...i hear someone say a couple of people are coming to play some live music and i want to be gone before they arrive...someone brings out the cake with a bunch of candles and everyone sings as i blow out the candles...the anxiety is overwhelming now, so i get up and literally walk out he front door...it's sunny and bright outside and i want to run and hide...i walk along the side of the house and look for a place when i see more people arrive with food and ice cream...a couple of young girls come up to me and smile, then go off to a nearby park and play...i walk around the house only to discover the side door is another entrance to the house and people can see me...i walk around a monster truck in the driveway and just stand there, hoping not to be found...i hear singing and the musicians are sitting in the front yard playing and singing... i have nowhere to go... then i woke up... i am almost certain this has a lot to do with going out tonite with everyone and celebrating the new year when i'd much rather stay at home and watch movies and not really do anything at all...i want to get past this feeling, but it's so damn hard... thanks for letting me share (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
9:33 am [mrshannibal]	hey folks buddy (that's my dog) and i want to wish you and yours a most wonderfully joyous christmas and a fantabulous new year... sincerely, ^_^ <---- (me) ()^_^() <---- (buddy) (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 26th, 2005
5:12 am [ash1ar]	A question .... I posted this on a few poetry journals but i'm posting it here too because I know a lot of you write and publish your work on livejournal. Hello poetry folks. I'm working on a paper for one of my classes and i'm making all of you my research. If you would be so kind as to answer any or all of these questions, it would be most kind of you. I'm writing about Modernist poets, poetry, and poetics. All of you are THE modern poets of the day, weather your able or willing to believe that or not. So here are my questions... Why do post your work publicly online for no charge? What style of poetry do you write? (IE: What is your normal or preferred topic) What form do you write in if any? And why or why not? Do you have any classical training in writing poetry, or writing in general, and if so what is that background? If you have poets that you admire who you feel have influenced and maybe even show their presence in your own work, let me know which poet(s) and how you are able to see elements of their influence in your own work. Answer as few or as many as you can do so easily. Or if one in particular interests you, answer to that one exclusivly, or if you have a better question to pose along those lines, by all means post it. THank you in advance for your help. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Duran Duran - Come Undone (La Fin De Siecle) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
1:34 pm [k0rdell]	My Story I want to start this off by saying that I'm very lucky. Things could have been much worse for me and I could have been stuck with a much less understanding family and things could have been much uglier. I'm very aware that what I've had to deal with pales in comparison to what many here have to deal with on a daily basis, and I'm inspired every time I read one of your stories. But after many years, I think I'm finally comfortable enough to share my story. With the people in anxietypanic and perhaps even those on my friends list. It's not an epic by any means but I think it's something I need to do. If you're interested: ( Please read on ) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
11:35 am [acousticub]	Some things better some things worse So I am doing a lot better with my issues of fear over my relationship. I have been working through some stuff in therapy and with Jay and am on medication. I have been put on Abilify and Lamictal and I notice it helping my symptoms, but it is also making me tired and dizzy during the day. I take it in the morning and I know its the Lamictal doing it because I recently went up in dose and that’s when I noticed a debilitating lack of focus and drowsiness, a full body fatigue and depression sets in. I cant concentrate on my work at all. Then around 11 am it subsides and I start to sweat and get a little energized, yet still unfocused. I am not worrying about what Jay is doing and feel comfortable with my relationship, but I definitely feel moody and feel physical side effects. The change around 11am is probably due to the prednisone kicking in, but I'm just not sure, my guess is that its the Abilify that is helping me and the Lamictal is not. I also know that my internal therapeutic work is going really well and maybe I don’t need drugs, but I'm just not sure. I hate the side effects of the Prednisone, and am suspicious of the Lamictal, but I need the Prednisone for now for respiratory illness and if I go off it I have to step down. The Lamictal may be just a matter of giving it a chance to level off. I'm scared of what will happen when I go up in dosage on Friday. So, I feel better in some ways but some of the side effects are torturous. Not to mention it seems to make ejaculation even more difficult than it already was, which does not help my obsession with being sexually "broken" I just don’t know what’s helping and what’s hurting, but at least I feel some freedom from my insane panic and worry over my love life and feel more comfortable with my partner, He is happier with me as well, but dealing with the side effects are no picnic for him either. I guess its a bumpy road to recovery. Has anyone had experiences like this. Can you offer any insight? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
9:57 am [cosmicchic]	Just a note to find out how people live finacially with agoraphobia. How much do you rely on other people for daily activities and money. If not too private, could you also say your age. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 29th, 2005
10:54 am [cosmicchic]	I am experimenting with Cammomile tea. I have an organic garden and the most productive and beautiful cammomile plant has come up this year. i must have thrown some seeds sometime. I have been infusing about 6 fresh flower heads and drinking it before bed. I get so tired I can't hold my eyes open in front of the tv and this is not usual for me. I have started drinking the tea before getting ready for bed then drink it and wait until my eyelids say bedtime. Today I am going to drink about 5 cups throughout the day to see how it effects my overall anxiety. Have been terribly emotional and depressed lately. Seriously depressed. Another entry. So will let you know how Cammomile (fresh, organic) tea goes. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
10:18 am [acousticub]	Just dont know I am completley overwhelmed with emotion. Every time I try to focus on work, I start to cry and am filled with pain and fear. I'm not sure why, but I have been trying to refocus my thoughts about my pain on coming from childhood abandonment instead of trying to blame it on what I'm going through now. I realize my pain does not come from my partner not giving enough, he gives me a lot. Maybe this realization is causing this intense pain. It may also be that we had a three way experince last night and although it was nice, as always it brought up all these issues over my sexual performance, and whether the guy liked my partner better. I'm confused casue it seemd like a good healthy experience, but it stirred up so much in me. Why couldnt I just enjoy what was going on like they did, I have to always have "issues" about everything. they kept telling me to relax and not worry about my performance, but I just cant stop. I dont know what to do anymore, everything is pain and I'm causing my partner stress and I just dont want it anymore. I just dont want it to hurt anymore. Its very difficult to be here at work. I just want to go home and curl up in bed and cry. (2 Comments |Comment on this)