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Anti-Shur'tugal - Debate and Discussion
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| Not going to be subtle, I'm making fun of Inheritance. Nothing substantial here. |
[15 Jul 2009|12:44am] |
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The below is the worst written of Eragon's (non)adventures since Brisingr. The below adds absolutely nothing in constructive criticism or critique, it's nothing but a long brick of hateful bashing....
I'm an aspiring writer, so I've decided to write an Eragon fan fiction using Paolini's writing style! What exactly is his style?
Firstly: no sentence will be without several adjectives and adverbs
Secondly: dialogue will be beautiful and stilted
Thirdly: if I'm about to use a word that isn't three syllables I'll open up my electronic thesaurus and find a replacement, then add an adjective to it
Fourthly: lots of dialogue that, while totally innocent, can be construed as something sexual (warned again)
Fifthly: objects and scenes will be described with lots of similes... expect the likes of "mice darting in and out of a hole" (and another warning, some of these similes won't make any sense at all)
Sixthly: info dump
Oh, and aside from terrible writing there's some vulgar language. *shrug*
... and sometimes I just throw things in there just to be mean, you'll spot them
This is probably a poor comedic attempt, but after browsing 300 of the entries behind this one I found there wasn't anything intelligent I could add to this livejournal group. Most of the valid critiquing has been done, and I can't think of anything to add to it.... so I'll just make fun of the book! This is going to be a conversation between Eragon and Roran that never took place, and realize that the conversation is basically a bunch I've read about all scrunched together. Now I've only read Eragon, I have Eldest, but I ended up reading the first few pages and losing interest in it. See, I knew that Eragon was written by a kid and for some reason I was able to look past its faults. Years later I pick up Eldest and I just couldn't get through it... then I found this beautiful site and I realized the series is rubbish.
*ahem* Let me open my thesaurus....
So without any supplementary temporizations....
Eragon bounded from the tent like a cat from a tub of water, and as his bare body met the biting cold air of the frosty Îüåå´r planes, his chest nipples became hard and rigid and were as curious turtles, their heads poking from their rock hard shells. Upon tasting the frigid climate, his skin died seven times, four from riggling earth worms beneath his feet, two deaths from songbirds singing above, and the seventh death was Roran's horse, which keeled over with a stentorian whinny. When he realized he'd unwittingly drawn power from the creatures around him, a single diamond strolled down from his right eye. In order to keep warm, my body must've preserved itself by drawing out the lives of those poor animals. I must clothe mineself. Eragon thought. Passing into the tent fold like a man passing through a tent fold, Eragon slipped inside and donned his animal-safe silk clothes.
The art of donning clothes was a complex one. A shirt wasn't as simple as slipping it over your head, there were three holes and finding the right one could be tricky. There was a large hole in the center, and two smaller ones at the ends of sleeves. An unskilled shirt donner would likely slide his head into an armsleeve, pull it out and fall into the other... but Eragon was an elf. Out of practice and repition, his head pooked through the top of the shirt like an orb of tangled light hair. Then his arms extended out of the sleeves like rigid snakes. The pants too could be confusing if put on from the wrong end, especially since from the outside it appears as if both feet should immediately leap into the twin holes at the bottom. But Eragon knew that he had to go in from the top, so he threw the pants up and jumped into them, both legs at a time. Sufficiently clothed like a decent person, Eragon stepped back into the Îüåå´r planes, and to his surprise he saw Roran kneeling over his dead horse.
"Eragon!" Roran squawked. "What hath thine done to mine horse?"
"Nothing, cousin, I did nothing to your horse." Eragon denied. "In the same way that I did not condemn Sloan to an eternal purgatory."
"What was that last part?" Roran questioned.
"I said I did nothing to thou horse." Repeated Eragon, and then he looked into the sky, an endless sapphire obscured by bleached white cotton puffs. "Roran, the songs of the dead are the orgasms of war."
"I too wonder such things." Roran added as he stood. "The anthem of battle is the excrement of Galbatorix."
"Aye." Eragon ayed.. "Even we, who were farmboys not three days ago, are supple to the inexorably inexorable flow of time and war. Galbatorix is evil."
"Aye." Roran ayed his agreement. "But let us depart from the inexorable and discuss other things!"
"Like?" Eragon asked.
"We shall talk of our hobbies, our lives outside this war!" Roran declared, his voice filled the plains like a dwarven warcry.
Eragon and Roran were silent.
Eragon: "..."
Roran: "..."
Eragon: "..."
"I killed one hundred and ninety three men single handedly." Roran eloquently boasted.
"Arya is beautiful, even in battle she is like a diamond wedged in excrement. A precious object amidst the filth and turmoil of battle." Eragon vocalized by drawing in the cold morning air and forcing air over his vocal cords.
"Ah, but my Katrina is fairer than any maiden." Roran's voice whipsered.
"Is that a challenge? Then shall we draw and brandish and pound our swords!?" Eragon hopped a little, and ripped his pants off, revealing a purplish bruise that spread across his inner thighs like a fruit.
"Does it go higher...?" Roran vaguely gestured up a vague gesture, vaguely.
"No, but displaying my injuries like this..." Eragon trailed off, and looked at the frost covered grass around him. It crunched when stepped on as the blades of grass grinded against each other in a cacophony that resembled smashing icicles together. "... it reminds me of my time with Brom." Eragon finished.
"Oh?" Roran inquired.
"A nostalgia I haven't felt for some months."
"Nostalgia is the sentimental longing for lamented glories." Roran observed.
"Aye." Eragon agreed. "I remember Brom, and the nights when he would drill me without end. Afterwards my whole body would be sore, front and back alike."
"Similar to how we drilled each other at the farm?" Roran asked.
"No." Eragon rebuked Roran's inadequate comparison. "No, your drilling was enthusiastic, but you were gentle and placid. Brom had an unbridled and raw passion for swordfighting, and when he would drill me with that raw passion, my wrists and arms were bruised by the end of our bout."
"You sound as though you long for his company." Roran replied. Eragon looked to the sky wistfully.
---
So that's pretty much all I'll write, I died a little inside. Totally random, and probably stupid, but I laughed when I wrote it. If any of you laughed at all, mission successful. Eh, I'm obviously new here, so if something as random as this doesn't sit well with you guys, I'll refrain from it in the future.
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| Paolini: Striving to Emulate Tolkien (Comparison) |
[13 Jul 2009|09:59pm] |
Paolini once said "In my writing, I strive for a lyrical beauty somewhere between Tolkien at his best and Seamus Heaney’s translation of Beowulf."
He's mentioned several times that he wanted to reach a 'lyrical beauty' comparable to Tolkien. So I thought it only fair to compare them.
Now, it's hardly fair to compare Tolkien at his best, with all his years of experience, with Paolini's best, with all his lack of experience. So to even the field, I'll compare Paolini's best to an excerpt of a letter Tolkien wrote to his son in 1944. Hardly a masterpiece of literature, right? For fairness, both excerpts feature a very similar topic/event.
( LJ-Cuts Are Like Cats, Or Maybe Mules. )
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| Recommended Reading |
[11 Jul 2009|10:31pm] |
I just re-read the Inheritance Cycle, and I'm craving some REAL fantasy. I've already read Harry Potter, His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings, and Narnia.
I've heard good things about Dragonriders of Pern by Anne McCaffrey, and the Elric series by Michael Moorcock. Any opinions on these? And any other stuff I absolutely need to read?
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| Anti-shirt Urgal - Sketch! |
[11 Jul 2009|05:30pm] |
Hi there. I was hoping someone could locate a detailed description of Urgals for me (I'm pretty sure one was infodumped on us in the first book). I'd like to try my hand at rendering the anti-shirt Urgal. :D I'd look it up myself, but I don't own any of the bricks, and my local library no longer has any copies.
Thanks for the help. :D
( Behold the sketchy goodness! )
On an unrelated note, am I the only one who constantly misspells Shur'tugal as Shur'tubal?
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| The Ancient Language: A Mocumentery |
[11 Jul 2009|11:32am] |
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Blood of Kings - In Elven Lands |
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The Ancient Language The Ancient Language used to be spoken by all living things throughout the world. It used to be just what the name implies - simply a language. However, after magic had wreaked havoc in the world, a race known as The Gray Folk performed a powerful and complicated spell that bonded magic and the ancient language together, so that the former could be performed by speaking the right words in the latter without any confusion and chaos.
Now, here's the catch: Magic wreaked havoc, and all living creatures spoke it. I can imagine that being very chaotic.
But the Gray Folk had this stroke of inspiration, and bonded the magic with the language, so they can use magic by speaking the words, and use language "without any confusion and chaos."
First observation: Since all the creatures spoke the Ancient Language, transforming magic into the language would result in this: Every single creature could use magic, which is known as a destructive thing in the universe. How life formed, how creatures thrived and how societies formed is put to question, since magic was apparently so destructive, it wreaked havoc but overall didn't effect the planet negatively.
( Small Text Adheres LJ's Laws )
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| Running on Empty |
[09 Jul 2009|12:33am] |
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As a long distance runner, the part where Eragon and Narrr-GARHS-Warg run to the dwarf mountains gets a special amount of loathing from me. Using a simple calory calculator, it is easy to see just ridiculous it is. We’re going to have to assume that Eragon Human/Elf super hybrid burns energy like us humans, or else evolution or god(s) really failed us. You need three things for a calory calculator. Weight, the type of activity, and the time spent performing this activity.
-We’re never told Eragon weight, but being the special slender elf I’m going to make Eragon a real lightweight of 60 kg (135 lb.) Yet for some stupid reason he hauls along his sword, armour, a thick book and other random trinkets, so we’ll have to add another 40 kg, giving running Eragon a final weight of 100 kg (220lb)
-Now for the activity. Running is usually broken down into various speeds, as running faster burns more. We get this from the book.
"The further he got from the sentinals, the faster he ran until he sped over the land more quickly than a galloping horse" A horse gallops anywhere between 40km/h (25mph) and 48km/h (30mph,) depending on the type of horse. Regardless, no calory counter I was able to find got anywhere close to those speeds. The best I managed to find was 12 mph, so we’re going to have to work with that. That is the speed the best human marathon runners runners are able to run at for little more than 2 hours. -Now for duration. We’re going to use the first part, since they somehow repeat this impossible feat over and over. "Eragon and Narrr-GARHS-Warg ran for the rest of the day, through the night, and the following day, stopping only to drink and relieve themselves." It sounds like he runs for about a day, so 24 hours. - I plug it into the calculator. A 100kg man running 12 mph for 24 hours burns 56'000 calories. Since he is running faster than a galloping horse, he burns a grand total of 224'000 (12*4=48). I grabbed this excerpt from Wikipedia “If you burn 3,500 cal more than you eat, you lose about 1 pound (0.45 kg) of fat, assuming that only fat is burnt (this is close to 100% since even the waste heat counts toward the 3,500 kcal). However, energy sources can come from catabolism (breaking down) of protein (muscles), and fat may be preferentially saved. The use of different body materials as available must be considered”
Therefore Eragon loses almost 29 kg of body mass, and since he is the slender elf, that is pretty much all muscle. So at the end of the day, Eragon has had a crash course diet, losing almost half his body mass.
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| Question... |
[08 Jul 2009|03:04am] |
Okay guys... this doesn't QUITE relate to the Inheritance series, but we're all fantasy fans here (or most of us are, anyway), so can someone help me out?
The reason I picked up Eragon and started reading the Inheritance series back when it first came out was because the back of the books told me it featured a dragon as one of the main characters. I was highly disappointed though when Saphira really didn't do much in the books though. I've tried looking at other fantasy books that featured dragons, but a lot of times they're either a villain, a stupid beast, or a flying horse for the main character. Or, if the dragon is one of the main characters, it's alongside a human friend. Ugh.
Are there ANY decent novels out there with a dragon as the main character and not any of the other things I mentioned? Xx;
EDIT: Oh wow, I wasn't expecting there to be quite so many books! Thanks for all the suggestions, guys! :D I'll try looking for some next time I head out to the library.
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| Glad I stumbled across this site |
[07 Jul 2009|09:11pm] |
Wow. I just stumbled across this site and I'm really happy that I did. I've always held a special dislike for the inheritance cycle, and its good to find people who don't kiss any ground Paolini has stepped on.
I despise the books for multiple reasons, most of which it seems you guys have covered in depth already, but I'll go through the things that makes me want to head to my nearest book store, pour gasoline over a giant pile of inheritance books, and dance around like a looney while it all burns into oblivion where it belongs.
( Read more... )
( Read more... ).
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
( Read more... ) </div>
</p>
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| Anyone else having this problem with the Eragon rewrite forum? |
[07 Jul 2009|10:19am] |
General Error SQL ERROR [ mysql4 ]
Lost connection to MySQL server at 'reading initial communication packet', system error: 113 [2013]
An sql error occurred while fetching this page. Please contact an administrator if this problem persists.
... Waaaahh I want to rewrite Inhericrap not stare at error messages!
ETA: odd... it seems to be fixed.
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| Galbatorix |
[05 Jul 2009|09:33pm] |
Hey all - not sure if this had been discussed in earlier posts, but I was looking around behindthename.com for names and their meanings (great site btw) and came across:
VERCINGETORIX: Means "king over warriors" from Gaulish ver "on, over" combined with cingeto "marching men, warriors" and rix "king". This name was borne by a chieftain of the Gaulish tribe the Arverni. He led the resistance against Julius Caesar's attempts to conquer Gaul, but he was eventually defeated, brought to Rome, and executed.
Possibly the root of Galbatorix?
Take Care All
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| Eragon: The Other Movie |
[05 Jul 2009|08:02am] |
I finally posted Part II of Eragon: The Other Movie on Youtube. IN HD!!!!! Enjoy:
So, my question is, now that I've managed to get the video up in slightly higher quality, should I do so for Part I?
The other parts are linked below.
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| Obstacle And Objective -- Self-Sustaining Plot. |
[05 Jul 2009|10:40am] |
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Epitath of Twilight |
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(why aren't LJ cuts working?)
What makes a book is not the events within it, but rather what is outside the book is what makes it.
The blurb, which gives a run-down on the plot, by almost always presenting two things:
Objective and Obstacle.
With one gone, the whole story collapses.
If there is only an objective, the story is just a string of events, most of its pages are padding, there is a lack of tension, character development, and consistency is questionable. ( Read more... )( O&O )</div></div>( LJ Cut )Lord of the Rings:
Frodo Baggins had the task of simply dumping the One Ring into the heart of Mount Doom.
Although Sauron wasn't materlized, his presence was everywhere, through his Ringwraiths, and the Orcs and his various minions.
Now, one could say Durza and the Urgals were the agents of Galbatorix's wrath, and therefore, he is a legitimate threat, just as big as Sauron.
Wrong.
1- Orcs and the Ringwraiths were loyal to Sauron, some through power, and some through just living. They never left him till the last moment.
2- He had a reason not to be present, save for being the Eye of Mordor. In the prologue of the Lord of the Rings trilogy 199X movie, Sauron was present, and the Last Alliance of Elves and Men gave one hell of a fight. With him vanquished, there is no longer a reason for him to be physically present--and yet, he was still present--he saw the Ring, he directed his servants, he commanded his armies, and Saruman.
3- He was, simply put, All-Out-Evil. One should never resort to black and white mentality, but Sauron truly abandoned all ties to humanity, and no other word can describe him. He served Middle Earth's Satan, he was a mockery of life, and he commanded lives of thousands through terror from his Dark Throne in Mordor.
No human or mortal creature could be described as "evil", because human beings have motivations.
The motivatation Eragon has to face Galbatorix is that, "He caused a lot of pain, and he won't die out", which is an excuse enough to oppose him, but not one strong enough to slaughter people who are simply doing their duty. Since he is a mentally-deranged kill-happy person, however, and apparently every one of the "Free People" of Alagaesia, that is an excuse enough.
TL;DR version: The stronger the opposition of TEH HEROS, the better the story is. The lack of heroic motivation leads to morally questionable actions of ill nature, and the lack of villain motivation leads to padding and making a story out of nothing. With a proper enemy and a proper hero, the story basically tells itself by itself, and thousands of events that actually make sense will come as inspiration to the writer.</div></div></div>
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| Rewriting Eragon |
[03 Jul 2009|08:09pm] |
We all know, and indeed we all state (with justified reasoning) that Eragon is a load of tut. And it's true.
But Pao-Pao's followers all seem to have it in them that that he's some sort of child prodigy for /starting/ Eragon at the age of 15, and apparently wer al jus jelus and couldn't write anything anywhere near as good as Eragon if given a hundred years. So. Why don't we?
If we rewrite Eragon under a different name, but keeping the basic story (egg found, dragon hatched, empire trying to kill them etc) that argument would be completely irrelevant, made even more so by the fact that many of us here are "young writers", myself included. 'course, we'd change a lot whilst retaining the general jist of it and perhaps use different names for the characters and such ("Galbatorix" is going, sorry xD). And stuff.
I'd probably just set up a blog or forum or something like that were we could plan it and then write it up in order; that's to say if you want to. So. Shall we? :P Until we actually do something we won't be regarded with much credibility... methinks. It's just an idea I had.
Let's knock Pao-Pao's ego down. =)
EDIT:
Due to the popularity that this has got, I've set up a forum to keep everything organised, and we can chat in more detail here:
http://ohshiana.byethost6.com/forum/
This is goanna be fun!
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| Murtagh and Eragon Manip |
[03 Jul 2009|12:40am] |
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I did a bit of a photo manip to show what I thought Murtagh (in Galbatorix's command) and Eragon (post-weird-elf-ritual) would look like. Because the movie failed utterly in replicating them the way I thought they would be. (And I apologize to the actor I used for Eragon. I like him. I'm sorry I used him for a character I despise.)
Any thoughts?
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| Just for funsies! |
[02 Jul 2009|10:40pm] |
I thought it would be a fun exercise/experiment for us to come up with characters that should be in either Twilight or Inheritance to make the issues more believable. It can be someone simple, or with a complicated history.
Conversely, you can take a character from either series and tweak them so that they're a believable people.
( I'll start! )
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| Arya's Portrait |
[02 Jul 2009|10:26pm] |
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In my honest opinion, she's not all that. She looks exotic alright, and maybe it's my anti-Elfitism, but no hormones are rising to yell, 'Ya baby!"
And since I'm not all going to a nerdrage about how little personality Arya has (I probably covered that, or will later), I'll just quote this tidbit from Inheriwiki.com.
"Arya was portrayed by Sienna Guillory in the film version of Eragon. Her portrayal of Arya has been criticized because she had no pointed ears, and her hair color is lighter (due to the director wanting her not confused with Arwen for Lord of the Rings). Also, she appears to be more romantically interested in Eragon than as described in the book."
I rest my case.
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| Hey Guys |
[02 Jul 2009|09:33am] |
Good morning everybody (or afternoon, or night, but where I am, it is morning right now). I've been lurking for the past few days, and discovered this place somewhat by accident. I discovered the excellence that is TvTropes, and decided it would be fun to read their entry on the Inheritance Trilogy Cycle. I was well aware of the Paolini's shortcomings as an author, evidenced by the number of words on my "dictionary list" after reading through Brisingr, and the number of times I had to read any given passage just to wade through the myriad of absurd vocabulary (yes, I made that sentence rather absurd on purpose). What I found at TvTropes, and then from the Epistler, and now here, is just awe-inspiring.
Anyways, the reason I'm here isn't so much my hate for Eragon, because it is rather subdued. The reason I really want to join is that I would like to become a writer.
I have the fantasy's world, plot, major characters, etc, already mapped out in a very detailed way (notebooks full of notes) and have just "finished" chapter four (as well as the three preceeding ones). Humor is what I write best, I like to think, so I came to you (and Absolute Write) for help, because my story is tragic, not really funny. I've also noticed an interesting phenomena when I tried to write. Most of my humorous stories are based on real life events, and thus I can relate them fairly well, but I've never been on a continent-spanning treasure-hunting double-conspiracy-thwarting mission. I guess this is the true genius of the fantasy writer.
I also have a nasty little perfectionist complex, which I fear will cause my story to end up like Tolkien's (not that it will be legendary and genre-defining, but that it will take decades to complete). So speeding up the critiquing/improving process so that I don't finish this book when I'm sixty (I'm 17 now) means I'll need all the help I can get.
So, I give my thanks, to whom ever it is due, for creating and maintaining this place.
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antishurtugal
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