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UGH--I failed, just like I KNEW I WOULD!
I'm so damn pathetic...
This morning I drank a diet coke, but I felt like I was going to faint--plus I had a field trip today. So a friend of mine had a mini box of apple jacks--110 calories a box if any of you ladies are curious-- but i only had at least 10. No more then that. I was hoping it would settle my stomach, but the whole time at the museum all I heard was my stomach growl, and my head spin each time we moved across the exhibit. My friends didn't notice thank god, if they would have it would have been awkward. I told my boyfriend though that I didn't feel good, I told him I didn't eat but said because I wasn't really hungry. He asked me to eat once i got back to the campus, but I 1) had no money and 2) had no motivation to EAT. However on the bus a friend of mine had a ball of some weird mexican candy...she asked me to try it, and i could have said no, but i took a pinch of it. It was like some caramel thing with almonds. REALLY good--but probably loaded with calories.
I got back, was tired, had half a can of gatorade [80 cal per can, so 40 cal?] and went to my classes. I was tempted to skip going to the softball game with friends, wanting to go home and sleep, but I didn't simply because I wanted to avoid going home and binging anyways. I thought I was in the CLEAR! But then my mom picked me up and bought...Burger King. I ordered a chicken sandwhich, only hoping to eat a few pickles and the chicken piece. I ended up eating that, and both pieces of bread...WITH RANCH. I'm such a fatass! I felt sick just knowing that had gone down my throat. I purged every last piece of it, up until the juice that was in it. Thankfully I'm getting better at purging, doing it without making almost no noise at all, and not just sitting there trying to force it up--plus I turn my ipod speakers on so my folks think I'm washing my face or something.
I weighed myself after I purged [or once I calmed down] 126.5 lbs. I went down a pound after eating that garbage they pass off as food. I didn't run today or do crunches, probably do twice as much tomorrow to make up for it, since i get home early. I'm still really sore from my lunges, how fat of me. But I got some more inspiration. A friend of mine told another that she to used to purge, but she wasn't smart about it.
She would purge and then eat more to fill herself up. She didn't restrict or anything, and now she's very big. Then there's one of the track team coaches who is actually VERY big. It's gross. I wonder even how they allow her to coach. I guess the kids think of her as their kinda thinspo I suppose...
Anyways, tomorrow starting a NEW liquid fast, two days only however since I don't know how it will effect me if I go three.
Hope you all are doing better then me!
x0x0x0x0x0x
there is no sweeter taste, then a thin and perfect waist
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anorexicqueen
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