373 is now my fave number [30 Dec 2007|01:18am] [ mood | cheerful ] omg, i just wanna scream with happiness now :D i did soo well girls! i did so well, you'd be really impressed with me. i went to a party tonight and there was SO much booze flowing. cider, lager, beer, wine, vodka, wisky, brown ale and god only knows what else. there was also a table FULL of food. thing is, i didn't touch the alcohol! even though i've been known to have a drink once in a while and drink quite a bit when i do, i didn't touch a drop of it tonight. just said i didn't fancy getting lashed, so i'll just stick to diet cola. so all night i've been drinking diet  cola as if it was alcohol. one glass of diet cola only has like two calories or something. so i could have as many as i wanted. the table was  totally full of food and crap too, but i said i'd eaten before i came so i was stuffed and didn't fancy anything. and when my uncle's girlfriend offered us some christmas cake, which was at like twenty to eleven, i said 'no thanks, not at this time of night, it's twenty to eleven.' so didn't eat the food or the cake or the alcohol. the food on the table was like sausage rolls (i'm vegetarian) salmon sandwiches, there were some egg sandwiches but there's still the carbs in the bread bun etc. and there were vegetable spring rolls, mini pizzas and stuff. so basically, if i did eat anything, i would be overloaded with carbs and have a heart attack from the amount of fat in the foods. in the end, my total calorie consumption for the day was 373 or there abouts, hence why it is my fav number now. i did pretty well restricting today, even though i had only planned to start restricting again on tuesday or wednesday or something. but now that i've started, i'll see what i weigh in the morning and get back on track to loosing the fat i got when i 'ate normally'. since it's sunday tomorow, i have a steady run to do with my sis, housework, ironing and washing to do and plenty business. monday - cleaning, cooking and food avoidance. then on tuesday i think we're spending new years day with my gran and granda O.o meh, i was planning to do coursework. but it'll wait till wednesday. should be easy enough to carry on restricting. so pleased i started restricting again today. it came pretty naturally, and i didn't care that i was lying to my family about when i had eaten and what i might have had. i just have to be thin, and they don't understand it. kind of scared now about what i might weigh when i get up in the morning. hoping it won't be too horrific. so, see you soon ladies. i love you all!! 3 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|03:18am] aim me makeiithotx3 i really need to talk to someone 1 suicide| This is Perfection

ergh. [30 Dec 2007|09:46am] i used to think i was fat, so i got skinny. after i got fat again, which is now, i've been having a hard time convincing myself that i actually am fat, so i can get skinny. this would sound like a cycle, but i just need to get back to skinny and not have a traumatic and stressful event again - unlikely, anyway. so. i want to lose 10 pounds... oh wait. i'm 5'4, 125ish. so! i want to be around 115 pounds by february. i just need some support the second time around, because it's a lot harder. for some unfortunate reason. if you'd like a fasting buddy, or we have similar stats and goals, or if you're just extremely helpful to a 2nd timer, please please please message me. thank you :) 2 suicides| This is Perfection

rant [30 Dec 2007|11:15am] [ mood | miserable ] Oh God, I can't WAIT until I get to move back to my dorm (the 3rd, and they're closed for the holidays). My parents are being sooo annoying and mean.  You know how they can be.  They keep on trying to shove food down my throat and when I give them a perfectly good excuse as to WHY I won't put that crap in my body, they take it personally and start yelling.  At least when I move back I can fast in peace.  Blecch. xoxo 2 suicides| This is Perfection

T-T-Today Junior... [30 Dec 2007|11:17am]  Hey. I haven't posted in a minute so I thought I'd ask a question..if you start smoking, it curbs your appetite and you lose weight right? What happens when you stop? I've seen people just blow up twice their size and have to lose twice as much again. If you don't stop, you get way more dizzy and feel sick. I'd think the symptoms of anorexia get worse when you smoke...its a catch 22...what would you do? 6 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|12:03pm] [ mood | nauseated ] Oka y so it's sunday. On fridayI think I said I was going to go from 120  to 117 and I did. So now Im going to try and get to 115. But..I dont know what to do. I dont feel good at all. I feel like throwing up. Ive been exercising but I havent eaten anything in 2 days. I feel like its hard to breath.My  body aches.And my head feels funny like I might faint or something if I exercise. I hate myself. People go on diets like this all the time and yet my body cant handle this? I dont know what to do. I drank some water and took a shower hoping to make me feel better but it didnt. I cant even take a women a day vitamin cause I think Ill throw up. I want to cry. 5 suicides| This is Perfection

:( [30 Dec 2007|12:46pm] oh dear:S 2 slices of toast already this morning..im just falling apart:( i have had 3 glasses of water so my total calorie intake so far is 220 bah!! no more!! im heading off to the gym soon for about 2 hours i think any tips on what to do when im there to burn the most cals???? xo we are all in this together<333 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|01:27pm] Oooof I Need Such A Rant&Rave Right Now !!!!!!  Mum Keeps On & On At Me About Being Vegetarain & Chuffering That Im Never Home.  GET A LIFE YOURSELF MOTHER!!!!!!!! On The Positive -- I Went To A Grannies Barn Dance Last Night & Must Of Burnt Sooo Many Calories + No Food All Day,Whooooooooooooooop. I Dont Know How The Grandmas Coped,I Know I Was Developing Several Sweat Patches.  Grandmas Must Be Used To These Calorie Burning Exercises As Afterwards They All Piled  Up Ther Plates With Pork Pies,Sausage Rolls,Scones,Brownines,Chicken Drumsticks Etc Etc Etc.... Current Similie For Myself -- Like A Bouncy Beach Ball Ready To Bursttt. I Keep Having That Temptation,To Burst Myself Ha.  Its Nearly NewYear Girls,Ready For The Thinnest & Most Succesful Year. The Futures Bright... The Futures Thin.  Hope Your All Still Smiling Your Cheesy Smiles,Thinking Of You.  xoxo 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|01:55pm] [ mood | curious ]  I am 96 pounds and I can't loose those damn 6 pounds. Can you girlie's give me some ideas on how to loose those last 6 pounds? This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|02:08pm]     hey guys I've been looking at this community for awhile now and u guys really inspired me! Could u give me some tips to loose weight b4 the 22? everyday i only eat a salad (just leaves) and alot of green tea, and i work out for an hour everyday(yeah i know that's nothing). I'm 5"3' and i hate my body! i really just wanna cut it all off! god! plz help me! HW: 148lbs.   CW: 125lbs. GW: 90lbs 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|02:21pm]  hey grlies how are you all tday. i jus woke up its 2.20 pm! haha lazyness im not goin to eat today i had chocolate at 8.15 last night so  i stayed up until 4 am so it wouldnt rest on me. i watched janice dickinsons modleing agency n their figures are amazzzzzzzzzzin. bt get this! the turned one away for being thin :O n e way so im havin a coffee so i can take 2 30mg of ephedrine (because cafiene and ephedrine react and make you burn fat) got work at 7 so i will start getin redi at 4 which is onli 2 n half hours away dont finish work until one so i can do it easy hope ur all doin well ! 2 suicides| This is Perfection

HELP! [30 Dec 2007|02:30pm] [ mood | aggravated ] im not sure if n e one remembers me... but last time i was on here i said i was 144 or 145, I know.. im probably the biggest one here, but i used to be 192, so im doin pretty good. ive been doin terrible ever since x-mas! I'm 147 and i no if i keep this up, ill be old 192 lb girl again! I need excuses to not eat, like "i'm sick", or "I already ate" cuz my friends and family keep pushin food down my throat! HELP! and I need alot of motivation! I'm going down hill! 7 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|02:32pm] [ mood | confused ]  hey im new to this site n its abit confusin, cud u help me? xx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|02:43pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | with you - chris brown ] i think i'm gonna wait until tomorrow to weigh myself because i didn't do too amazing yesterday and i dont wanna discourage myself. i need sleep. none of my jeans fit me anymore, they used to be really tight on me, cuz i like my jeans tight haha and now they barely stay up. remind me to get some new ones..ahaha i dont even know why im posting i dont really have anything to say i hope you all are doing good! what are your plans for the new year? think thin! peace && looove 2 suicides| This is Perfection

Thanks... [30 Dec 2007|03:08pm] [ mood | confused ] To you all who commented on my question. You girls totally rock. I appreciate the POV. So, I have another  "scenario"... I work at a really good but hella greasy restaurant. You'd think I'd get tired of the food, but its so good I just can't stop. I try, but its not working. I'll eat a fry and then another one and another one...until I finally have to pinch (or sometimes hit) to remind myself to quit stuffing my face. I stop for a while but I always go back. And so I've been abusing myself so much a have bruises all over! I can't explain why I'm so battered to my parents or my boy. I have no willpower unless I'm on some sort of pill or 'drug'. What can I do? 3 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|03:41pm] Today's verdict: 112.8 lbs. that's only .2 lbs. from yesterday. and i've already eaten. awell. what can you do. anyway, dumb question. oranges: yes/no? 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|03:58pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Well, so far so good. Walked around an outside mall today and all I've had is a black tea with one splenda and a cigarette. So far so good. New Year's party tomorrow... I'm bringing chips and dip like I was asked. But I truly plan on not eating a single thing. It's gonna be hard, but I can do it So I talked to the bestie, Mike, again last night. Long talk, and he told me a lot about him that I never knew...like the fact that he had a baby sister that dies at the age of two from an asthma attack when he was four. I almost cried. He told me a LOT last night. And he was drinking... and things finally rounded on the subject of me and him. Well, no matter who his girlfriend is, we manage to well, mess around. I'd guess you'd call it friends with benefits... with no limits...gf's, bf's, whatever. So he said that "it's not that I never think of you as girlfriend material..." (which is news to me) and he said maybe when I'm older, when we're both, like, 21 or something. Well, that was weird. Then we were talking about if he ever got me pregnant. I was like "I'm not exactly ready to have a kid with you, I'm 16". Well, I meant that I'm not ready for a kid PERIOD...but it came out "with you...yet". So he said "Oh we will someday". Then he started saying that when we're older, when all his relationships don't work out, we should get married. WELL. I said "Mike, you don't seem to see it... you WILL have a relationship that doesn't work out, don't worry about it". I thought he was saying it as like, a safety, in case I never found the right guy, which is possible, the way things look now. So he said "No, Emily, we're gonna be together, we're meant to be" I didn't know what to say, I always knew that someday we'd end up together, maybe even finally, like, marriage, but I've never said it because, c'mon, that sounds nuts. So many years ahead, but it's a nice fantasy. I never knew he felt like that! I always wondered what was with us, this weird relationship we have, and yes I love him like crazy, and I know he loves me too, but I always thought it was slight LOVE love, mostly best friend, protector love. So that surprised me. I didn't tell him that I've always thought that... I'd sound too crazy. So I doubt the subject will come up again anytime soon... but it's nice to know things are like that. I always always wonder what's up with us, and now I know. He had told me earlier that he was in love with his girlfriend... not something I expected, Mr. doesn't fall in love, Mr. not getting attached. So when that came out... i was shocked. I know we'll still know each other down the road... I'd kept by him the past 8 years, one of very few friends he's actually kept that long. Which is totally reasonable, seeing as the age difference, why we shed friends. But I stayed, and I will. So we WILL know each other then, and we'll see how things are. I probably still will date people, and always have Mikey there. That's the way it goes with us. But yeahh... it's nice. So sorry, ladies, for dragging on. This part was mostly for my own journal, the eating part was for you guys. I'm posting this both on anorexicqueen and my own journal. But I plan on not eating, and I know I'll be okay. I've done well today and I know the rest of the day will be okay....maybe I'll have a banana or and apple. New Year's I'm a little worried about because of temptation this early in my fast. But I'll try hard, and I WILL do it. I believe in myself!! Haha. I feel good. Wish me luck!! <33 Think thin, lovelies. 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|04:35pm] I told another lie today And I got through this day No one saw through my games I know the right words to say Like "I don't feel well" "I ate before I came" Then someone tells me how good I look and for a moment For a moment I am happy But when I'm alone No one hears me cry I need you to know I'm not through the night Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light I need you to know That we'll be okay Together we can make it through another day I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful The day I chose not to eat What I do know is how I changed my life forever I know I should know better There are days when I'm okay And for a moment For a moment I find hope But there are days when I'm not okay And I need your help So I'm letting go I need you to know I'm not through the night Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light I need you to know That we'll be okay Together we can make it through another day You should know you're not on your own These secrets are walls that keep us alone I don't know when but I know now Together we'll make it through somehow Together we'll make it through somehow I need you to know I'm not through the night Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light I need you to know That we'll be okay Together we can make it through another day 5 suicides| This is Perfection

weeding [30 Dec 2007|04:40pm] [ mood | content ]   so i tried this( i made it up but it possibly could exist already)   weeding =  5 step plan before you start fasting to make life a little more bearable   calories you eat: you go down 150 calz a day then 50 calz on the last day befor fast   day 1 = 450 day 2 = 350 day 3 = 250 day 4 = 150 day 5 = 50   Then you start your water fasting for your desired days i only go 3 day...I'm going to try starting tomorrow....no drinking ether ao i made my ana red beaded bracelett its so gorge i'm not happy to go back home to all my old friends and not be skinnny...but now at least i have a NYr resuloution think this girlies and good luck your all so very strong This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|04:49pm] k well, i wanted to fast today so i got my diet coke and gum to last me for the day butt, i had a sudden craving for chips and cheese dip. i had like 150 calories worth of chips and like 150 worth of dip. + there is tons of fat in tht. I need ideas to stop cravingz, does anyone have any ideas. cuz my will power stinks. my diet isnt working so well.. and i think i gained wegiht. I'm 5"7 and 117 lbs, and i wanted to be 113. Peace! and good luck ladies <3 This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|05:05pm] Hey. Its been about a week since I posted. Ive been reading every day and really im sick of all the trolls on here. I haven't wanted to post but I couldn't hold out any longer. Im still 111 lbs. (5'5 feet) And seriously, what is up with all these new girls joining and posting things like 'how do you do it? I ate a biscuit and spat it out' and 'I need tips on how to be anorexic' I don't mean to be harsh, and maybe im just saying all this because ive had a bad day. But im sure what im saying right now is what everyone else has been wanting to say for a while now. If you suffer from an eating disorder, then great. We are all on here to support each other through this, whether we decide to recover or not. Do not come here looking for an eating disorder. This is our sanctuary. The only place where we can come and be our true selfs. Yes we are suffering from an eating disorder. And we want to compare our stats and what we eat and just generally get advice from each other. But don't come looking for an eating disorder. Anorexic queen is not for all you girls to come and lose a quick 7 pounds or whatever. Please don't try to develop an eating disorder. It isn't nice, really. Sorry if I am coming out harsh. I probably wouldn't even say anything if I was having a good day. But Between the trolls and the 'I need tips on how to be anorexic' girls, I haven't wanted to post for almost a week. 2 suicides| This is Perfection

why hello there [30 Dec 2007|05:08pm] for the past few years i have been suffering due to the sudden weight gain i experienced, i went from being a double zero to a four. I always find myself starving myself for days at a time in order to reach my goal weight which is 105 i am currently 5"11 and 125 pounds. Ever since my weight gain, i have acquired so many stretch marks! i now lack the self confidence to wear short-shorts, skirts, bathing suits, or anything that involves showing my body. It is my worst nightmare to be an even fatter tall girl so in order to avoid gaining anymore weight, i am in a constant state of binge eating. 3 suicides| This is Perfection

paint it black. [30 Dec 2007|05:47pm] the subject... just a song i really like. and a song about how i feel. its by the unseen... if anybody wants to listen to it. i been in the community for awhile.. but i don't know if anyone knows i really i am. i mean like my style. i am like punk. my boyfriend has had a mohawk.. i usually am wearing a shit load of black make up sometimes with bright ass colors.. i have had ever color every in my hair. i love the old misfits.. danzig.. and all that shit. but i also like hello kitty and stars and some cute stuff... I HATE PINK THOUGH... just putting that out there. i dress weird.. i don't give a fuck what other people think. i do believe in god though. which is weird cause i use to believe in anarchy.. but it simple does not exist.. trust me. anyways.. i kinda different then most people... i was the bad kid. my sisters are all goody goody. i am the one that automatically failed two classes cause i skipped 85 days in one year. i not some douche though. i think i am pretty fun.. if you get to know me.. not just look at me. but anyways... so people already judge me. and if they don't i usually to loud and crazy. so i am just use to being treated like shit. so on top of my ed. there is all of that.. my family making me feel like i suck.. people at work.. school. everywhere. i don't really care what other people think.. but i do care about what i think.. AND IT SUCKS BEING FAT AND HAVING PEOPLE JUDGE ME AND NOT LIKE ME CAUSE I DIFFERENT. this so long. nobody cares. but i only have two friends. one of which is my boy. sure i go to the club with some other girls and shit but really. i just want people to talk to me and see the real me. i am depressed most of the time but when i out i try to have shit loads of fun. i so glad taylor i met on here has been talking to me on aim and texting me.. she makes me feel good. even though she is like 5 years younger than me.. she is tight ass girl. i just want to say thanks to everyone that has commented me with support and stuff. i love yall and i always here for you if you need me too and i hope you guys will always be here for me too. P.S. i only had soup today. kinda upset.. i ruined my fast.. two and a half days in.. but i am still hungry but i just chugging water. i going to keep going. stay strong chicks. much love. xoxoxoxox -Mallary Ryann 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|05:51pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | 1973 ] It's rough for me right now... I eat most of the time and then purge it again... I even cook myself real meals just to go in the bathroom and spit it all out again I so want to stop this again .. I hate eating right now .. I wish I could just stop !! Can you imagine how hopeless I am right now ? I can't complain...my weight is staying/falling, but I just want to stop purging this often .. it makes me sick ! Have you some advice for me ? I'm really in need of some help ... Hope you're doing better...LoVe y'all <3 3 suicides| This is Perfection

aww [30 Dec 2007|06:38pm] So, I just went to go weigh myself, and my 5 year old brother was playing video games in the next room.  And he said, "You have to eat so you can be strong.  If you don't eat you're going to die."  And I said, "That's okay, I won't die".  And he says, "I don't want you to die.  I want to have a sister." I'm sure my parents told him to say that. Although it was cute, I am by no means giving up.  I'm doing very well, my water and detox juice diet are going fabulously, so I'm happy about that.  And I'm running later tonight! Yaayy!! Does anyone know how many calories having sex burns? "It's the hard that makes it great" xoxo 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|06:49pm] Plz  give me some tips and i need support.  i'm trying to go anorexic.  trying to stop eating (so hard), skip meals (running out of excuses) and trying to fit back into my clothes (which don't fit). help me. any tips????? CW: 120 GW:90 I hate the way i look and i really want to be skinny.  i wanna bod like kiera knightly or victoria beckham.  i really need help. i try to purge but i can't get anything out...  5 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|07:09pm] Totally great today!! 1 cup of black tea with one splenda. One cigarette. One DD's medium coffee with 1 cream and 2 splenda. I usually take 2 cream but cutting cals, I discovered this tastes better!! I looked up coffee with cream on the DD website... it says 70 cals!! Holy shit! A regular coffee with nothing in it has 15 cals. That's so wrong. Coffee shouldn't have any. Man, I'm drinking tea from now on. Or coffee from home. So I think since 2 creams is normal, and I had one, I think I had 35 cals today. I don't know. I guess I should call it 70. Blehhhh Anyways. Good day! They were all eating dinner (the fam) and I sat there and painted my nails. Black. very chic. I'm not goth or anything and I thought I'd try it. Not too bad. So I avoided it!! yay me! Think thin loves 1 suicide| This is Perfection

News... [30 Dec 2007|07:13pm] [ mood | determined ] Maye this isn't the smartest idea and maybe it'll crash and burn along with me, but I have decided to go it alone for a while.  You guys have been great, you really have, and I wish you all the very best in whatever you do, but I need do to this for myself, without help, just to prove myself to, well, myself.  It might be a few months, a few years even before I come back, hell, I might not even come back at all!  I'm not giving up, just starting a new year, a new me, and I don't want any help.  Maybe I'll be what I need.  We'll see! Goodbye girls, temporarily anyway. "You save yourself, or you remain unsaved." - Alice Sebold xxxxx 3 suicides| This is Perfection

helpful? NO [30 Dec 2007|07:35pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Benny Benassi ] I was doing great until my boyfriend started to catch on, he knows and he knows he can feed me. so he does. i hate it so much. he purposely takes me to the movies and buys me ice cream. luckily ice cream is easy to purge. trying to help? doubt it. too bad i love him. my parents aren't helping much either. i'm outty. love love, think thin.  GAIN WEIGHT!   1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|07:41pm] [ mood | depressed ] today ive had 116 calories, but im pretty sure ive burnt off about 1000-1500 today cus i went on a 5 mile run but did some hill training and did 7 hills, i couldnt actually breathe at the end but it was worth it =] i then did some skipping which also knackered me so todays been pretty good. i think ive also got away with not having dinner, so hopefully it will stay that way! even though ive had a pretty good day food wise, i dont know why but i feel so depressed! i just start crying for no reason today =[ it probably didnt help that i couldnt get to sleep last night till about 3 in the morning haha tomorrow, my plan is: cycle to the bus stop go to the gym, 1hour work out swim hard 30 mins go shopping for a bit cycle home from the bus stop also it should be easy to get away with not eating because my mums at work, so i wont have to have breakfast then ill say i had food in town then im going to a new years party in the evening but there's food there so i can tell my mum im having dinner there...then when i get there ill say ive already eaten! PLAN! also, i really dont want to have alcohol because a)it will go straight to my head and ill feel shit and more importantly b)it has loads of calories also i can wiegh myself at the gym tomorrow, so i can work out my goals =] think thin xxxx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

blod? [30 Dec 2007|08:07pm] [ mood | worried ]  damn i had to purge bc i had to tried some deserve i was makin, that is full of cals... , and had to try it so i knew that i was makin it ryt.. bc is really hard to make deserve and i never cook ... lol i decided to make it so my parent don't get suspect about anything...  anyways i can pick one later bring it to my room and throu it away later.. yay!! but i tried it.. so i had to purged.. and besides my mom forced me to eat lunch today... i purged alot... like alot of water.. and then i couldn't purge anymore... i try to do it once again.. and a lil bit of blod came out from my throat.. i'm not gonna lie to u.. i instantly stopped ...this is the first time that happens and i got scared... well... i can't put what i ate in my thighs! they are already big.. and i want to lose weight.. so it was necessary... i don't want that to happen ... not again! luv ya all!! bye(K) 4 suicides| This is Perfection

Phobias [30 Dec 2007|08:24pm] I went to go see one of my doctors today because I got MRSA over vacation and ick.... it was eating holes in my fingers (which was good in a way because I had the excuse of my hands being all disgusting as an excuse to not eat anything that I had to touch so I drank all fruit smoothies, juice, or water the entire time). Somehow my records from years ago when I was diagnosed with my eating disorder came up in the computer instead of my most current ones and I had her print them off for me. Apparently I was originally diagnosed with carnophobia and then sitophobia (fear of meat and fear of food). I would actually start crying and screaming if anyone tried to make me eat and I'd only eat certain things like white toast, cheese pizza from a specific resteraunt, milk, and vanilla ice cream. If anyone asked why I wouldn't eat anything else I told them it would poision me and I'd die (I had some really bad allergies as a kid but to stuff that I wasn't capable of eating or that wasn't always listed on the label, likes hormones used in meat). Later on they changed the diagonsis to anorexia athletica/nervosa. Anyone else dealt with an actual phobia of food? Sometimes I do still get scared that if I eat I won't be able to breathe and I'll collapse and die. I still don't think I'm truly anorexic because in the back of my mind I know I'm a little too skinny and I just think I look fat but I still have to force myself to eat even when I'm so thin all of my bones show. Still, its some type of eating disorder right? I don't want to get flamed because I don't have ana or mia. I'd still like to lose all of this fat but all of the people helping me are getting me to see that my weight is fine and my  body will look amazing as long as my body fat % comes down. 5 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|08:59pm] [ mood | calm ] im baackk! mexico was fun, but i got sunburnt..damn pale skin.. anyways.. i kinda let myself go while i was there.. i didnt follow the rules i set for myself. soo much temptation.. so i wanna fast for at least like tommorrow maybe the next day.. join me? also since i am only able to go on this website when im at my dads.. any of you text? thats like all i do now, so we could like text n stuff. my friends are on their way over so i prolly should go.. ill post tomorrow. good luck to all my ladiesss. 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|09:05pm] [ mood | contemplative ] does anyone have aim??? if so can i have your names?? 2 suicides| This is Perfection

double post [30 Dec 2007|09:11pm] i am so depressed right now.. my mom just brought a bunch of mcdonalds shit home for us.... i ended up eating a double cheese burger... a mc chicken... and some of my moms fries. WTF was i thinking... my sister is taking a shower but as soon as she gets out i am going to throw up all this nasty shit. i am so stupid urgh. i am fucking crying. i hate this. tomorrow i am running all day. ALL FRIKIN DAY. 6 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|09:20pm] god damnit i am such a ditz, i always forget to post things. so just a few random things to say.. i got myself a red bracelet [i think that everyone on this community should get themselves one, it symbolizes anrexia..or something liike that] im so over junk food you dont even know, i just cant even stand to look at it anymore [wich makes me happy] i am drinking as much water possible. questions: does ice really burn calories? is hot or cold water better when attempting to lose weight? does chewing burn calories? ... also i know im not supposed to ask.. but i honestly dont know what to do when it comes to purging.. sorry sorry sorry for breaking the rules. just email me fnklbrrypi@aim.com ... also when you see a post that has no comments, just say something nice to them, people shouldnt have to go un-commented, because we dont want them thinking we dont want them here.. so lets try to be as welcoming as we can be.. kay? also if you want to burn a few calories... *always take the stairs *whenever you have the option walk instead of getting a ride or something [i guess that stuff is pretty obvious, but always keep it in mind] lastly.. i know i already put it on here but heres the link to my thinspo.. http://youtube.com/watch?v=8Ax3Km-YXds i really want to know what you think be honest because i dont want to make another one if you guys arent enjoying them.. anways how are you doing? gotta roll. 15 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|09:21pm] Today I managed to have a good day. I went to my cousins house and, yes I managed to pretend to eat salad but not. The damn salad had all this dressing on it! Geesh whats the point of having healthy salad when your going to make it like 360 cals anyway? But I didnt have any. I was better than this morning. I made a cup of tea (thank you girls for the tip :3 ) But I didnt drink it. I couldnt. I never liked hot tea anyway and thats unfortunatly all I had.  Im scared my mom is catching on. I dont know. And she knows I havent been feeling well and everytime I dont feel well she makes it seem like Im dying and decides to bring me to the doctors. Which my doctor thinks I have anorexia. Which I dont. I dont care what the hell he says. I just hate my effing body and think its better if I starve it.Its my body anyway. Im afraid if I eat now that I wont stop so...Im just not gonna eat until my stomach learns to deal. Which I know it wont but Im stronger than that. I dont need food. I want to make a good example for my sister. She is slightly obese for her age and I know she will get picked on in middle school. (shes in 4th grade) And I never had a good friend child hood.  Sadly I never had a boyfriend and Im 17. I think it's cause all the boys think Im fat.  Im sorry Im ranting Im just so tired of being tired and you guys help me so much with everything.  Im going to go workout now. Love you all. Think thin. 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|10:37pm] Home from Aruba.  I didn't eat one thing all day except on the way home from the airport I had a QUART of chicken noodle soup.  I think it's around 300 cals for the entire thing.  I'm weighing myself tomorrow morning after I haven't in a week.  So nervous.  I think I'm buying the "skinny bitch" book tomorrow and starting the diet after New Years.  Until then, I'm eating EXTREMELY LITTLE.  I will be at my goal weight this Friday, no excuses. xx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

no period [30 Dec 2007|10:37pm] [ mood | irritated ]   I'm doing much better I'm on the last day of weeding before my fast which starts tomorrow I'm excited because i know once i start my fast I'm bound to lose more pounds and won't have to force my self into a pair of skinny jeans that i wore in September. i was 98 pounds and now i have gained wait because my mother was going to get me checked out at a clinic again so i decided that was the best because last time i checked in there i came back 20 pounds more then i was. so 10 pounds wasn't as bad as what could have happened. oh now that I'm 18 she can't mwaaaaaa go me for being 10....woot woot. i have only lost 6 pounds so far and i am still so ashamed to go to new years Eve looking like  blow up cow ready to float away to the never ending land of food that with suffocate me by getting launched in my throat. so i am a month late for my period. so this has never happened and i have never had sex so there is something wrong....grrrrrr from not eating isn't it i ate 150 calz today and I'm going to be working out and going to bed very soon.  This is Perfection

Im new-bie [30 Dec 2007|10:47pm] [ mood | depressed ] Hi everyone, Ill keep this short. I just stumbled accross this Community, I've been a member to proanorexia on Livejournal for over year, but I though this may be a good place to talk to some new people. Stats: H: 5'6" CW: 134 1GW:127 2GW:122 ::lost lost 32 pounds so far :) Today was a bad day, I binged like crazy at work. But i have some people supporting me and Im getting back on it tomm. Running nine miles then starving myself. Maybe munching on some celery and tea to keep my metablosm running. Wish me Luck on that, today was one of the worst days ive had in a long time... 3 suicides| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|11:05pm] I'm back. So.. Things have gotten so horrible weight-wise. I weigh more than I ever have before, and my negative thoughts are just as bad too. I went to college last semester, and I didn't gain the freshman 15, but more like the freshman 8. Which I didn't need. I go to school in San Francisco, so I have to walk everywhere which was very very good for me. My legs got better... not where I want them to be, but they started to look all right. But then, I discovered my alcoholism. Which is just awful and disgusting in terms of calories. Unless I can manage to be like my sister and take her advice. If you don't eat anything all day, you get drunk so much quicker. My sister also jokingly suggested a cocaine diet. Which I am so against... My mom called my eating "out of control" when she thought I couldn't hear, because I binged yesterday. Being home for the holidays is shitty. But once I go back to school... things are changing. The only friends I've made in college are 'worried' about my mentality. One of them, the psych major, keeps messaging me and 'strongly encouraging' me to go to the school counselors and at least get evaluated.. she says I'm an alcoholic, and she thinks I'm clinically depressed, and that I have OCD, and I self-injure and she thinks it's going to lead me into trying hard drugs. [i dont hurt myself because im depressed, or for attention. this much i can assure you.] It's great that people are concerned, but I feel really confused now. I don't want to get rid of this weird eating disorder, and I don't want to stop hurting myself... but I would enjoy being happy for an extended period of time. This is really long but I can't really tell anyone else. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I'm going to a party with a bunch of people I hate, meaning I'll probably get really really wasted and use up a bunch of useless calories. 2008 is the year I am going to reach my goals. H: 5'10 CW: Disgusting. HW: see cw. LW: 130 GW: 105 ps: if anyone wants to im me on aim, let me know in a comment <3 2 suicides| This is Perfection

::Hello:: [30 Dec 2007|11:06pm] [ mood | blah ] Hey! I'm new here! But not to having an eating disorder... I've been struggling with my appearance and weight for over two years now. Anorexia, bulimia, purging, chew and spitting, counting every little calorie, laxatives and various drugs. You name it, I've done it. I'm looking for support, and someone around my stats! ::My Stats:: -5'9 -CW: 118 -LW: 115 -GW: None yet! (Talk to me!) ::Also:: -Vegetarian -Bread, chocolate, and ice cream = My weaknesses (Anyone know about any ways to CUT these cravings!?) -I recently began to CS again. (Chew and spit: Anyone find negative results from it? Gaining? Losing? Please share!) -I DESPISE the whole: Mary-Kate Olsen, Victoria Beckham, and Nichole Richie- obsession! Sorry... ::My name is Victoria and if you would like to chat or become support buddies message me!:: Beauty is pain, XOXO Vicky 2 suicides| This is Perfection

double posting [30 Dec 2007|11:08pm] [ mood | disappointed ] k well i was working on my fasting but ofcoure.. my dad brought burger king home YAY! My weakness.. and I said to myself.. maybe just one frie but I ended up eating a veggie burger fries and an orange pop. Well I want to purge it all up but I think my parents are getting suspicious.. so im just chewing gum and getting crap off my mind by talking to friends. I'm really depressed and disappointed in myself. I wanna go weigh myself but afraid I'll break the damn scale. I literly have no will power and really pissed offf. Tomarrow I'm waking up and talking a 5 mile run and fasting till' i lose all the weight I gained. tthink thin xx 2 suicides| This is Perfection

Happy =] [30 Dec 2007|11:21pm] [ mood | happy ] Hi everyone! After a shit day yesterday (like a million calories!!) i managed to eat nothing today whatsoever! and i dont even eel hungry! so happy with myself! lets see if i can keep it up tomoro!!  love love xxx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

hurray!! [30 Dec 2007|11:26pm] [ mood | chipper ] okay, so I'm double posting, but whatever. I'm just in a really good mood this evening!!  Okay, so when I was younger and began to develop my ED, I tried something called the Hollywood Miracle Diet drink.  Yes, yes, I know, it sounds very hokey.  But I lost 10 pounds in 2 days.  Unfortunately, I gained it back, but still, I lost it.  But anyways, the other night I bought some more - 2 bottles, in the hope that I'll lose more weight.  So, this being day 1 on bottle 1, I've already lost 4-5 lbs, and with more exercise, I think that the numbers will continue to drop.   Most likely, I will gain some of that weight back again, and then I will be absolutely miserable, but whatever.  It's good temporarily.  I'm happy now.  And I'm feeling a little bit giddy because it's been days since I've eaten anything!  And I'm in a much better mood than I have been all day.  I also just saw my boyfriend.  That could also contribute to why I'm feeling happy.  I really love him, he's very supportive of me :)  I mean, he always tells me I'm beautiful and perfect and that he likes me the way I am, but he said that he would support whatever made me happy, and I am happiest when I don't eat and lose lots of weight!! :)  Happy evening, happy empty stomach that's growling at me, lalalalala :) "Fridge pickers wear big knickers" heehehehehehe xoxo 14 suicides| This is Perfection

O well [30 Dec 2007|11:40pm] [ mood | Never too late: 3dg ] Short n sweet. Ate 700 burnt 500. Stil suck. Weigh 125 BLAH must be 120! Tomorrow=200 or less. Txt me at 412 508 2086. Sry my mum to0k away th computr so i gotta use my phone. <3 taylor 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|11:45pm] alright. havent posted in a while but i've been around. i did the sacred heart diet and lost 7 lbs. i did it for a month though... so that really isnt that much. but i think that because it took a little longer to loose i've been able to maintain for the past 2 weeks without the soup. anyways, now that my body isnt so fucking toxic its easier to resist silly cravings. as of this morning i am 123.5 (still 13.5 lbs higher than my lowest weight :( ) but my next goal weight is 116lbs by january 16th. im gunna TRY to post everyday and hoping to get pictures up soon. i hope everyone is doing well. if shit hit the fan over the holidays, dont freak out, they're almost over and we are all strong enough to get to those double digits. good luck loves. 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[30 Dec 2007|11:57pm] not a good day. i didn't get a chance to weigh myself today and on top of that i had to eat as i went to the theatre with my mum. i ordered a nicoise salad but just had a few bites of tuna, lettuce and tomatoes and said i couldn't manage anymore because of this ulcer i still have on my tounge.  i don't think i've gained and my hip bones are looking better but i feel really bloated in my lower abdomen, like all fluidey really strange. i'm thinking about coming off the pill, i keep hearing people saying they drop weight when they do (mainly water, it makes you retain a bit). its probably looking at all the dancers on stage today which is making me feel particularly shit today. i'm staying home tommorow for new years, everyone is out. i was meant to go to london with my friends but i have a cold and really don't want to face alcohol and them trying to shove chips down my throat at the end of the night (or day rather...it ends at noon). its quite sad i'll be alone but i doubt anyone will notice if i fast tommorow - much needed. the exercise hula hoop i asked my brother for for christmas should turn up soon, then i can get some light cardio done in my room and no one will really pick up on it. xx This is Perfection

HELP! [30 Dec 2007|11:59pm] ok so i cant go to the library my printer isnt hooked up and i neeed thinspo to put in my journal for when im not sitting on the pc getting more fat....any suggestions? (oh and i already looked in the magazines we have right now there isnt any thinspo >.<) 1 suicide| This is Perfection

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