| sorry for posting so damn much.. |
[15 Dec 2007|01:19am] |
im in kinda of a shitty mood, i just ate 3 of those nasty microwave pretzels. what the fuck was i thinking? i dont have time to binge.
i need to vent so i have finally learned to use a cut, haha.
( Read more... )
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[15 Dec 2007|03:14am] |
Argh I wanna cry :[
I had a good day (under 300 cals) then I went mad and ate like 45687454 gallons of ice cream. Afterwards I was like wtf have I done?!?!?! I weighed myself and had put on TWO pounds! AARRGH. I purged it all out though, phew.
So anyways I went to bed at 1am (it's 3:15 now) and I was so hungry it hurt and was just lying there thinking about food and hating myself for thinking about it. Grrr! When I don't get sleep I get grumpy and tearful ahha :[
Hope you're all doing better than me xxx
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| introductions |
[15 Dec 2007|03:40am] |
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Hi girls, i'm kind of new here. i joined last week or something and didn't get round to posting, so here i am.
Height: 5"3
Highest Weight: 113lbs (8st 1lb)
Lowest Weight: 97lbs (6st 13lbs)
Current Weight: 104lbs (7st 6lbs)
Goal Weight: 90lbs (6st 6lbs)
I want to lose weight so i can feel better about myself and be as skinny as my younger sister who has a BMI of something like 16.4, she's 5"6 and probably weighs about the same as me, though she doesn't weigh herself as obsessively as i do. I can't go one day without weighing myself. i get so scared if i don't. I probably have OCD with my obsessions including calorie counting, cleaning and housework, cooking, weighing myself every morning and i used to be really obsessive about going on a bike ride at least once a week and cycling at least 4 miles, sometimes 8 miles if i could, but since the dark nights have come in and it's getting really cold, i only cycle when my sister is doing her steady runs for her athletics training.
I've done a few fasts before and as i'm writing this now, i'm starving hungry, despite having a horrible carb binge today. 2 cups of super strong late night coffee are probably to thank for the hunger. i love feeling hungry and i love loosing weight, but i think i could do with some tips from the more experienced girls out there. if you've got any tips you can give, please share them, i'll be really greatful.
hope to be bonding with some of you all in the future and looking forward to posting here.
starve on girls and much love to you all!
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[15 Dec 2007|04:20am] |
FOR FUCK SAKE.
I didn't even eat anything, yet I became sick. I started becoming more and more sick, and because I was being sick, I thought I might as well get everything out, until blood came out.
GRRRR.
My whole body feels horrible. I feel cold. But inside, I have this tingling happiness that I didn't give in!
My friend is actually having a go at me this very moment. I was in the school toilets, making myself sick, and I turn my head and see about 20 people lined up looking at me!
Em arrr beb. says:
hey
Em arrr beb. says:
whats this about you making yourself ?
Em arrr beb. says:
Sick*?
N o w r i n __«3 says:
hiya..
N o w r i n __«3 says:
what about this ?
Em arrr beb. says:
why?
Em arrr beb. says:
you just dont do it
Em arrr beb. says:
its rank.
N o w r i n __«3 says:
it was only a one off i needed to get everything out
Em arrr beb. says:
nowrin just no.
Em arrr beb. says:
definately not at school
Em arrr beb. says:
what did you need to 'get out'?
N o w r i n __«3 says:
yeh i wnt do it agen
She's a great friend, but GRRR. I hate talking about this! Just let me get on with MY LIFE.
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| Detox! |
[15 Dec 2007|08:50am] |
So yesterday I had a family dinner and had to eat like a cow...
Today I'm doing a detox day... liquids, liquids, liquids! :)
I'll be shopping all day with a friend just so I don't have to think about food!
Tomorrow too. Thank God I'm feeling optimistic today!
Look at the big fattie one!
http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/1204/dibujo2et0.jpg
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[15 Dec 2007|09:24am] |
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hey girls...I haven't posted for 2weeks..I'm sorry
but well I was really busy and stuff and you know what ?!
I've reached my goal :D and I got even lower :D
it's so beautiful..
well I know I still nee to loose weight but I'm doing really well right now
hope you're doing great too..stay strong
<3
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| today is a new day.. |
[15 Dec 2007|09:24am] |
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 the fat wont go away |
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so yesterday i had an awful binge.. but today is a new day and i am going to forget i ever binged so badly... but i am going to stay strong and i have some good reverse thinspo right now... for some reason reverse works better for me, haha.[i think it is becus i just like see how fat they are and im like eww i never want to be at that point where there is no hope, im not saying if ur really big there is no hope just like in my eyes i would have trouble gettign motivated]. right now my motivation: the guy that i like [ i know it sounds stupid and i shouldnt just be getting skinny for a guy... but there are more little things but i guess at the moment that is the big thing...
i havent posted my stats in a while so here they are =]]
5'5 or 5'4 ish
CW: 114 lbs.
LW:105lbs.
HW: 125 lbs.
GW1[by christmas hopefully]: 110lbs.
GW2: 105 lbs.
GW3: 100
[i know that my goal weights are not very far apart bt i am treating this like my "first set" of goal weights.. but right now 110 is what i really need]
i am not eating today or tommorrow, then im going ot work out and drink lots of green tea, join me?
( Read more... )
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| ughh stupid cut didnt work |
[15 Dec 2007|09:36am] |
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why i need to be 110 so badly.. besides the guy( Read more... )
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[15 Dec 2007|09:57am] |
Well Im On Fast Day 6 ( 127 lbs - bmi 18.2 ) (Lowest Ever )
I Plan To Carry On Untill Tuesday Wen Im Going To Have Something Tiny
And I Got Out Of Eatin Again Thank God
My Stomache Is Killing Me !!!!!!
Today I Had A " Caramel Maquiatto" From Starbuks :(
Im Going To Try And Burn It Of !!
I Bought Yet Another ED Related Book !!
YAY
Lv U All
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[15 Dec 2007|10:49am] |
i've eate n barely anything all week except once i kinda had a binge which sucked, but the next day i ate nothing except a couple bites of chili ate dinner when i kinda had too, and i burnt 400 cals working out. that next day i didnt lose anything but i didnt gain anything either, prolly cause of the bing :/
i lost 7 and a half pounds since monday, but i still feel so fat. i feel like however much weight i lose im never gonna be happy with how i look. its a problem..
think thin!
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[15 Dec 2007|10:51am] |
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thinspo has been the only thing keeping me going so i hope you dont mind that i am like endlessley posting it.
she is so gorgeous. i wish that was me.
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| more thinspo |
[15 Dec 2007|11:22am] |
just more thinspo, i am putting it under a cut so it takes less room. I NEED TO STAY MOTIVATED!
( Read more... )
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[15 Dec 2007|11:27am] |
http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html
This website is pretty good. It tells you your body fat.
I have 16.7% body fat
I have 8.5 Kilograms of fat and 42.5 Kilograms of lean (muscle, bone, body water).
Day 2 of my detox
W: 111lbs
H: 5'5
I might just do my BMI. Haven't done that for a while.
I love doing my BMI and it says 'under 20 is classified as underweight'. Especially when i have a BMI of 18.
Going to do some crunches now.
xoxo Love
P.S. Added a little BMI chart. I love this chart I think its the best way to measure BMI
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[15 Dec 2007|01:20pm] |
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depressed music coz im fat... |
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hey girlies,,
okay im new to this community..
too embarest to put my stats up just yet... but im HUGE!
i was ment to fast today... but my fucking mother sat me down and watched me eat :(
grr.. well anyways girlies i was wondering if anyone wanted to talk or become fasting buddies :]
*+*+*+* Think__Thin__Girls*+*+*+*
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[15 Dec 2007|01:23pm] |
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So far. Nothing. I got all my xmas shoppin done. And i bought a scale tht measures in kgs. I calculatd n it said i was 128. 8 mre 2 go. must stay strong. Must be 120 by friday. <3
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| hi girlies.. |
[15 Dec 2007|01:33pm] |
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just 2 more days until recovery starts. i'm dreading it SO much.
mostly becuase i dont want to recover. i know what i want and recovery was NEVER going to be in my plans.
but i'm going just to show my parents that its something that can't really be "cured" by therapy and counseling. theres only one way for me to be "normal" and thats to reach my goal weight. simple as that.
so i'm goanna go, gain weight and then i'm goanna come home and i have a plan as to how i'm goanna lose it all again.
while im there, im going to be fed about 1800 cals daily and i will gain about 6 lbs when its all over.
ill be weighed each week after and i plan to just trick them with layers and rolls of coins. simple enough right?
okay, so when i get out my body will be used to eating 1800 cals a day and no excercise. so when i get out i plan to start at 1300 and then decrease at about 50 per week. and do 5 min more excercies each week.
so by the end of about 10 weeks i'll be down to 900 cals a day and 2 hours of excercise. [plus the extra from my new ddr] by the end of those ten weeks, i'll be about 110 or so, and then i keep going until i reach 105 lbs. and each week i'll add another roll of coins or another layer.
anyone whose been to recovery, does this sound like a good plan??
staystrong and think of how beautiful you will all soon be <3
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[15 Dec 2007|01:47pm] |
Right i have made a deal with my self
i can no longer post here until i loose 10 pounds
i've been the same weight for to long
i cant stand it any longer!
i hate my self so much i want to cry when i look in the mirror
if i loose 10 pounds then i will be able to reach my first goal weight by the end of the christmas holidays
so i need to loose 10 pounds before the start of the christmas holidays
so i'm gonna fast for 4 days
and see how that goes
i'm ill atm
so it should be easy to get out of eating for a few days
i'll write next week when i have hopefully lost nearly 10 pounds or a decent amount of weight
hope everyone else is doing well!
love u all so much!
xx
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[15 Dec 2007|02:12pm] |
Yyyech, prissy b****.
Scrawny whore. Got no meat, just ribs.
You're too slight. Losing those pounds of fat.
A twig, look likes we could snap you in half.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You're too lithe. The world is round, you're flat.
So you get stuck down them cracks in footpaths.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
I heard that you were starving, see.
You're a skinny chick, fat-free Stefani.
People see your scrawny white a**, getting ever the more tight, yup.
You're a weedy little scrag. Gotta feed you fast.
Gotta keep your lunch down, gotta bake you chow.
Skin's tight like your bum-bum now. Getting ever the more slight, yup.
You're too slight. Losing those pounds of fat.
A twig, look likes we could snap you in half.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You're too lithe. The world is round, you're flat.
So you get stuck down them cracks in footpaths.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
You eat light food, eating diet peaches.
Not sensible, you noodle creature.
Gross to just want to be more thinner. You frickin' weigh eighty-one.
Prima donna's lithe. Gotta shovel in more.
Gobble cakes et al and some chocolates for you.
Get wide, get your a** expanding. As Gwen Stefan' bites her lunch.
You're too slight. Losing those pounds of fat.
A twig, look likes we could snap you in half.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You're too lithe. The world is round, you're flat.
So you get stuck down them cracks in footpaths.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
Let me hear you say: this chick is cadaverous!
(She"s-a-thin-and-stringy-priss.)
This chick is too slender!
(She's-a-slim-and-skinny-priss.)
Amen! This chick is cadaverous!
(She"s-a-thin-and-stringy-priss.)
This chick is too slender!
(She's-a-slim-and-skinny-priss.)
You're too slight. Losing those pounds of fat.
A twig, look likes we could snap you in half.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You're too lithe. The world is round, you're flat.
So you get stuck down them cracks in footpaths.
Like an $18 crack whore,
You're lank from anorexia!
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up lips.
You? Eww. Asthenic, just a wisp.
You? Eww. Fasting chick, pinched-up
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[15 Dec 2007|02:13pm] |
1: You're fat. Your mirror does show it all.
How could you let yourself
go & destroy your health?
a hundred pounds & five-foot-nine.
You're fat. You really are quite appalled.
But then you'll gorge & splurge
& then you'll have to purge:
a lovely cycle every time.
CHORUS:
Anorexia can be fun, especially if you're bulimic.
Your outfit as a skeleton is all ready for each Halloween.
Anorexia can be fun, especially if you're comedic.
A spew of barf jokes and fingers down your throat:
A belly laugh for every teen.
2: You're fat. The media tells you so.
Just look at all those pix
of all those shapeless chicks.
You've really got to get in gear.
You're fat. Your mirror shows what you know.
You've got to shed those pounds.
You've got to keep them down,
regardless of the news you hear.
CHORUS:
BRIDGE:
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the fattest of them all?
Mirror, mirror on the door,
... oh, what the hell, let's eat some more!
3: You're fat. Your mirror would not tell lies.
It's got to be the way
you see yourself each day
& not the way that others do.
You're fat. But maybe just through your eyes.
& maybe in your brain
you've got deceiving games,
convincing & controlling you.
CHORUS:
CODA:
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
maybe fatness is in the mind's eye of the beholden.
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[15 Dec 2007|03:37pm] |
i just finished exercising for an hour on the treadmil. lost 500 cals.
my head hurts alot, im about to take a shower and go study at barnes and nobles. theres a starbucks in there.
i was wondering what drinks do you guys get at starbucks??
i usally get a non-fat sugar-free french vanilla latte. its about 130 cals i think.
im really glad i exercised today, it has been a week since ive exercised. and when i dont exercise i gain weight or look like i gained weight. i dont look lean.
even when i fast for 5 days and i dont exercise its still not the same. so im glad i got that in today and over with.
i went to the grocery store yesterday and i saw my ex-crush there lol, dont like him anymore.
well he was standing by the exit door and i didnt want to say hi to him cause i dont know if he wanted me too cause i didnt really talk to him in high school that much. but anyways he saw me and as i was leaving he called my name and i was pretending like i didnt know who said that haha and he said hi and everything and gave me a hug. it was a nice run-in. but he got like so tall, and it looked like he gained a little bit of weight. he was one of the pot-heads at our high school and i was an arsty girl so we had no classes together and we didnt really talk that much. but it was nice seeing him. hes not that cute as he was before in highschool. he did say that hes transferring next year to the same university as me so thats cool. maybe ill see him there.
well hope you guys are doing well.
<3
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[15 Dec 2007|03:54pm] |
i should be studying for my final on monday.. but i figured i'd take a break and post something on here..
i went grocery shopping yesterday and bought 40 cal sliced bread, sugar free jello (10 cal), sugar free jelly, rice cakes, 70 cal tuna, and ham/turkey thats like 10 calories a slice. basically i'm in love with this.
i'm doing 215 calories today, 220 tomorrow - i have everything planned out. i actually might go lower than that because i was eating an apple earlier and it just made me nauseous. i hate eating. i'm sick though so i thought it might help? i drank some green tea instead and took dayquil. i'm not getting on my scale til tuesday and i can't wait because it's gonna be lowwwww (i hope) i'm so motivated right now.
i think next year i'm going to end up living with a couple of my friends and one of their current roommates.. i'm about 98% sure shes also ana. she was skeletal last school year (like knees bigger than thighs sort of thing) .. she gained like 15 lbs over the summer, im guessing rehab? i think she looks better now actually. anyway her fridge is filled with basically all the stuff that i buy too, she exercises all the time, buys a bunch of health magazines, and has random weight watcher cookies that she treats herself once a day. definitely ana. i'm actually kind of pumped to live with her next year since we both have the same tendencies.. i kind of want to talk to her about it.. but i'm nervous.. what do you guys think??
think thin xo
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[15 Dec 2007|05:30pm] |
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lullaby - the spill canvas |
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heyyy ladies,
yesterday i didn't do horrible, but i really wanted to go the whole day without eating and i didn't quite manage that. ate a couple bites of my friend's ceasar salad (with chicken ghfdk) and a couple bites of my other friend's sandwich. later on at night i was barely able to stay awake and we hit up starbucks and i ended up getting a vanilla latte. not sure how many cals that is, but i imagine it wasn't the best idea.
woke up to 121.8 though. =] very happy! i've never seen that 1 there before, and even if it is basically 122, i'm glad. im so close to my first goal weight, 120!
haven't eaten today yet- but it's my friend's birthday dinner tonight and i'm not sure how im going to be able to not eat at all, especially since she knows i haven't eaten today. it's hibachi too, so it's all like..oily and garlicy and ghkfjjkfd ughhh kill me. i'll try to get away with eating as little as possible and then go on the eliptical when i get home..?
does anyone know what i could POSSIBLY get at this hibachi restaurant that won't absolutely kill me?!
oh and how many cals are in vodka..?
anyway, i hope you are all doing good =] stay strong ladies!
<33
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| today was so horrible |
[15 Dec 2007|05:56pm] |
my cousins never knew about my anorexia..
untill today.
the came for a nice saturday lunch.. my mum made lots of food..
it was all good untill lunch was served..
they were eating and eating.. and then my mum made chicken and served it whole at the table..
they were stuffing their faces and their plates were filled with food..ver flowing actually. i felt sick, my stomach was turning.
i got up to get water.. i got water and then ran out of the room to be sick.. i didnt force it.. it came naturally..
i then had to go out for a really long walk to clear my head.. i went to the park.. my fave place in the world.. there is this bench and sitting there just makes me happy... my brother found me.. and calmed me down and we talked.. it was nice to know that he was thee.. i felt safe for a really long time.
i came home and told them..
and i felt ill the rest of the day and sat in my room thinking.. for 3 hours.. just sitting on my bed back against the wall.. not talking and eating or drinking..
i have to see the councilors tomorrow.. for a 2 hour session.
why is everything going wrong!! i hate life.. life is just was fat bitch..!!
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[15 Dec 2007|06:55pm] |
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haven't posted in a really long time. Today I did okay... I had breakfast at around 8:30am, and then didn't eat again until 4:30pm. I throw up what I ate. Just now I had some of my roommate's cookies. So not the best, and not the worst. Tomorrow I'll do much better. I'll have breakfast again and then that will be it. I'm aiming to be below 129 by Christmas. Wish me luck. Does anyone want to talk over AIM? My AIM is pandahugsworld!
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| Hi everyone |
[15 Dec 2007|07:30pm] |
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So I'm starting a fast tomorrow and I hope I can stick it out for at least 7 days. I'll be living off of 200ml of orange juice every other day (well I'll try any how) BUT...does anybody at all have any tips on how to not eat but make my parents think that I am??
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| its been a while |
[15 Dec 2007|07:50pm] |
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giant drag wicked games |
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for about a few months ive been eating horribly no healthy, and its been really hurting my bodyimage, and semblance, and i think, now it is time for me to change. I have been feeling like a loser and beyond for a while and im tired of it. i just went excersizing and i feel a little better, and im going to start super fresh tomorrow, for now im going to stick with 500 cals and 1.5 hr excersizing, but im planning a future fast if anyone wishes to join im going to be posting more because, im going to need some friends. So if anyone wishes to contact me thatd be awesome nu_grl_78@yahoo.com
Im not losing faith you shouldnt either. stay always strong and wish me strongest luck
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[15 Dec 2007|09:33pm] |
hello, i'm anna and im anorexic (genuine)
ive been watching your journal for about a month
i think some of you are real stars
looking for a bit of support.
you can root out the fakers, though
one girl? she said she was going into hospital or something after about two days after release
thats the biggest load of shit ever.
& as is idolising kate moss, to the same girl
get a life, you know who you are.
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[15 Dec 2007|09:48pm] |
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Hey girls! Here's a random picture that was taken today ... I have so much "Christmas cheer" here that it's disgusting. :P Hopefully in a month or so I'll be able to post a body shot. But until then ...
Hope you all are doing well!
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[15 Dec 2007|10:27pm] |
hi, my name is Abbie
i'm anorexic and i;ve been attling with it for three years
stats:
CW: 118
LW: 96 (then i went into rehab =/)
HW: 135 (just after rehab)
GW:105
GW2: 100
hope i can supportandbe supported
you look lovely people
hopw i can give help where it is needed.
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| uggg! |
[15 Dec 2007|10:36pm] |
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So yesterday i had my first indoor track meet. And i ran the mile. My time was so bad that im just not gonna say it. I mean i have been sick all week and havent been able to train but still. I could have done wayyyyy better and even my coach told me that. I was sooo depressed about it last night. My mom told me that i should have so chocolate cake....that it would make me feel better. But i resisted. Thankfully. So i went to bed last night and started thinking about alot. Im already eating totally healthy because im sorta a health freak with what i do eat. And i realized that i have to start running 6-7 miles a day again. I used to do that. And i kinda miss doing it. So im hoping that if i run 6-7 miles a day during the week and then on saturday do like kickboxing and circuit training, ill be able to get a wayyy better time for my next race. And im gonna do weight training on mondays and tuesdays. I really wanna do this. I got these bracelets today. And they are beautiful. And in my mind a picture a beautiful skinny girl wearing them with an american eagle tank top and a studded belt. I really want that girl i ppicture to be me. And i really really want to improve my running. But anyways my dreams got crushed today. My family took me out to do christmas shopping today. But we had to go out to eat for both lunch and dinner. So basically i was forced into eating like 2000 cals today. And i couldnt throw it up because im too scared. That prolly sounds stupid but its true. Im think im just gonna go lay down and hope tomorrow is better. It NEEDS to be. w/e. Sometimes i hate this. And i wish i was naturally skinny. But w/e im not. depression sucks
(sorry for the rant : / )
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| Hey girls. |
[15 Dec 2007|10:51pm] |
Hey girls, so I haven't been on here for a few days because I've been in France.
It was a good trip and I go my christmas shopping done, but because we were travelling at weird times I was getting hungry loads.. But I tried not to eat, but I kept getting dizzy and feeling sick on the coach so I needed to eat. Ugh.. :[
I also haven't posted because I've been doing pretty badly..
I finished the 2468 and I only lost 1 lb.
Not good..
I'm 111.8lbs which is totally fat.
I hate being like this, so tomorrow I'm starting a fast.
I've decided that I no longer want to look/feel like this..
It's gross and I really don't like it.
I want to be skinny for Christmas.. :[
It would be lovely..
I just feel.. fat and frumpy and heavy and sick..
So does anyone want to join me on a fast?
I really want to be 105 by Christmas and I'm nearly there, just finding it hard to lose these last couple of lbs.
Love you lots!
xxxxx
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[15 Dec 2007|11:01pm] |
well skinny bitchez im back! after 3 weeks of binging and purging im back!!!!!!!!!!! Mom thinks im a normal fatass again which is good4 her,
I got back on track 2day less than 500cal =)
Plan for tomorrow
b-either 1 poptart or oatmeal
lunch-maybe jello cup
dinner-soup 60 cal.
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[15 Dec 2007|11:24pm] |
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hey guys, haven't posted in a while, but here goes:
sooo i'm home with the family/ they're home with me (they came to stay in my apartment) and i just found out that not only are they here for christmas break...but they're not leaving until Feb.!!!
anyway, they really are trying to make me gain weight...but this is my holiday plan before school starts...basically 2468/0246 restriction, whichever works better and i'm doing something where i wear as many bracelets as the number of pounds i want to lose, and each one can be cut off when i drop a pound. I did this last year and it was great...but i might do what i did last time, which is add a cool new bracelet each pound i lose. haha mine we're pretty string.
but this also helped hide my wrists...which is what my mom always notices for being too thin first.
sooo tomorrow = o cals.
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anorexicqueen