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[14 Nov 2007|12:12am] |
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hey i've been reading everyone's post for a while and i just can't be quite anymore. Half of you are freaking fat ass wannarexics and gross me out completely. Goals like hey i want to weigh 100, ewwww. Im 5'4 and weigh 83.5 and even thats gross. If others want to be come anorexic, gosh just let them. Tell them the tips they want to here. If they want to dig their own grave let them. In the meantime all of you fat people on here quit fucking eating, damn. For those of you who are just too out of control for that, fuck just through it up, maybe you can do that right. I think most of you are fat, disguesting, lazy, ugly people. I hope you all die, slow and painfully. Most of you are so pathetic, I pitty you. Call me a bitch and chew me out, I don't care. I'd rather be a skinny bitch than a fat sweetheart.
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[14 Nov 2007|12:18am] |
i felt real tired today.
i took two laxatives before i went to bed.
this one girl here post and talked about a tea laxative, so im going to go buy that tomorrow, it sounds real interesting a good. i hope it will work.
How many laxatives do you girls take a day?? or how much quanity did you start and then increased?
i exercised today in the morning as usual on the eliptical and burned 1,000 cals. which is GREAT!!
im feeling real lonely lately, sometimes i think i deserve to be alone :-(
i cut myself the other day right near my hip cause of problems again. i used to cut my wrists but not anymore cause my sister freaked out when she saw and she always checks there so i cut where she cant see it.
<333
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[14 Nov 2007|12:46am] |
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Oh My Word.
Yesterday I went to my friends house and I ate one potato chip :) So, it was going well. But then we went out for dinner and her mom is super overprotected and made sure I ate. So I had a salad and 1/2 a grapefruit, which is that bad TT-TT
Today is going well. I had to have breakfast because of the whole vitamin thing. I had oatmeal...200 calories??? Ah, anyway today is parent teacher conferences (that is why is is a half day). Except we get our report cards in December...lol. All I have to do is skip dinner, since I "had lunch"
I am scared to use the scale, so when I fast for three days straight, i shall check. I have decided to bare the nausea that follows the vitamin because I cant stand breakfast... I can do this :D
Think thin, XOXO.
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| Plateau |
[14 Nov 2007|01:12am] |
There's nothing I hate more than when my weight plateau's. It can be so discouraging when the scale doesn't change for 2 days despite fasting and exercise. I'm not new to ana, by any means, and most things about being ana don't bother me anymore... I've gotten used to them and learned how to get past things like hunger pains, feeling weak, etc... but the one thing that will always bother me and discourage me is when my weight plateau's.
It makes me feel really helpless, as if i can't actually control my weight and my body.
My goal is to lose 5 more lbs by next Wed, so wish me luck.
I just have to push through this plateau and believe that my weight will eventually go down. I have to stick it out.
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[14 Nov 2007|01:42am] |
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Regina Spektor - Flowers |
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Hello,
I'm not new, but I may as well be since the last time I was on here was quite some time ago.
I'm in quite a bad place right now, if any of you are in your fist year at university then I hope you can relate to me because I'm finding it such a struggle to keep things under control.
I started uni just over a month ago and just stopped eating and it was so good, I felt so free and light, and if I'm honest, I actually felt better than everyone who was eating.
I'm not a bitch!! I promise! I loath myself so so much its unreal but when I'm starved my brain clearly gets confused and thinks that I'm not repulsive...
But anyway, I went home to see my parents and they were so shocked they force fed me for a week and a half and now I'm massive.
I hate it.
I hate walking around carrying this layer of fat around with me.
I hate sitting down and seeing my legs spread out.
I hate having boobs.
I just really really really hate myself right now for letting myself become this. And nothing can console me unless emptiness and numbers going down on the scale and bones everywhere, and also pain, I like the pain it makes me want to punish myself more just because I'm so stupid. I'm such a fuck up its unreal.
Please girls, I'm looking for support, and also for a few laughs (I hide my misery behind a seriously dry sense of humour... I wish people saw through it and didnt laugh but I guess thats why its there) and just basically some friends who can relate. Talk to me! I'm friendly I promise!
Tell me how you're doing, or what your favourite music is, or just anything :-) I know one of you girlies can cheer me up!
XxX
Also, tomorrow I'm switching from xenadrine efx to hoodia gordonii... good idea or not?
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| update |
[14 Nov 2007|02:37am] |
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Hey ladies! Haven't been on in like a week, but I lost 3lbs which is not amazing, but it is better than nothing. Anyway, hope all is well with everyone.
Think Thin,
Amanda
AIM: Turtle4056 (it's from 1995)
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| im back! |
[14 Nov 2007|03:55am] |
hi every1 doubt ne1ll remember me cuz iv not been on for ages i keep gettin forced to gain loadsa weight n then im stuck back at the start again. actually its worse cuz i was never as fat as this to begin with . i think im actually bout 130lbs which is my personal heaviest but hopefully ill be back where i was soon enuff, especially after every1 1 lookin at my old skinny pics 2day. god that was depressin.
stats:
height- 5'6
heighest weight-130lbs
current weight- 130lbs
lowest weight- 98lbs
goal weight- 84lbs
newho, im goin for a walk, best of luck 2 every1, hope u all achieve ur goals
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[14 Nov 2007|05:05am] |
sorry girls, havn't posted in over a week, i've been really messed this week, i mean the going back on track is going very well so far, but i lost my best friend and i don't know what to do with my life anymore.
my eating plans are going well, but mom started to notice and she keeps tellin me to eat.
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[14 Nov 2007|06:43am] |
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P.O.D. |
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So I thought I could do this, I thought I could eat like a ''normal'' person, but Im desperate now... I'm back.
Yesterday I had a panick attack and ate everything I found... My mother hide the scale so I cannot weight myself every day... And this is killing me...
Why is it so fucking difficult to skip lunch? I just can't! I can't say any excuse... because when i arrive home all my family is eating and I HAVE to eat with them... What should I do?
I know I can skip dinner, but NOT lunch, I need help.
Black coffee for now.
Answers very welcome please, I need some support.
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[14 Nov 2007|08:21am] |
Hey everyone,
How is your day going? Are you being stronge?
thin thin
mae
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[14 Nov 2007|08:57am] |
Yesterday I ate normally...uh WHoa. It was aweful though.....
Morning- bowl of cereal w/ 1/2 cup 1% milk
Lunch- pizza
supper- potato and carrots...
snack-my husband made me eat two oreos....Im so ashamed...
Thats like 850 cals....Its still not considered how much you should have for a normal day....for normal its like 2000 I think....but still
I did 100 situps yesterday and walked for 30 minutes....I just feel like it didnt help at all.
Im still weighing in at 118....*sigh*
This morning I had a small bowl of cereal...that was 160 cals...
I dont plan on eating lunch instead running for 30 minutes and doing 100 situps again
supper-fish and veggies...
That should be around 360 cals for the day....and 4 g of fat or so....
bleh...I just feel real hopeless right now...like Illnever get to 100 lbs....I wanted to drop 18 lbs by thanksgiving...but thats not gonna happen most likely....itll prob only be about 6 lbs....whatever...that would bring me to 113 lbs....thats prgress I guess..but not good enough....
but by christmas I hope to be 100 or less....thats my goal....by christmas.....Im gonna do it.
I will start out breakfasts with something good because I heard metabolism is highest then....so like a bug bowl of fruit and tea/water in the morning
lunch-nothing or a bowl of veggies or something
supper-veggies with fish/chicken....
and that is my plan until christmas...to stay under 500 cals at leat and never go over...and exercise 2 hrs a day.....
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[14 Nov 2007|09:01am] |
hey
i have an exam in 4 and a half hours and i didnt sleep much last night. i am so tired.
stupid brain. stupid thoughts.
does anybody wonder why it happens to us??
like, i know heaps of people who diet and when they have lost some weight they stop. why couldnt i stop???
i need to know how to lose more weight. i wish so hard that i didnt want to lose weight but i do.
xoxo Love
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| another day on ... |
[14 Nov 2007|09:52am] |
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well was doing great alllllll day yesterday and then i got home and binged on rice and biscuits my nan had made during the day .... fucking hell i was so angry at myself .... luckily my nan and grandad went out to the theatre so i was able to purge - no a great idea as i had stopped for 2 weeks ... but i had no other option ... i really wish i hadnt eaten that shit .... after i purged i went to the gym for 2 and half hours and worked my fat arse off ... ive now got blisters underneath my feet due to running and staying on the cross trainer for sooooo long
today im going to make a pack with myself ... no binge food ... anytime i want to binge i will go look at my thinspo box i have in my room (pictures and poems of thinspo ive kept from magazines and the net over the years) ... im going to make myself go to the gym everyday and following this plan -
breakfast - fruit (no grapes too much sugar)
mid morning - green tea
lunch - apple
mid afternoon - coke zero
dinner - 200 cals only (maybe grilled fish with veg or something low fat low carb like that)
snacks - 1 handful of nuts or 1 banana for energy levels
drinks - water ONLY and the odd zero coke and green tea
exercise - at least an hour a day in gym with 200 sit ups
i need to lose 2 stone for xmas and at this rate im not going to make it .... im a size uk 10 and im slowly creeping into the size 12 region and its soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking depressing ... yes some people and my doc says that my weight is right and correct for my height (5'7) but i dont want to be tall and fat .... i want to be tall and slim ... i will lose this fat i will do it ...
my stomach is killing my today cos i took tooooo many laxs last night .... its making all kinds of noises ... i know i shouldnt of taken them but the thought of that food laying in the pit of my stomach really made me feel helpless and felt out of control ...
its now 10am and today ive already has my 100 cals fruit for breakfast which has again made me feel guilty for eating but i know if i dont eat anything in the morning ill end up binging later in the afternoon ...
cant wait to leave work tonight ... so i can go to the gym ... going to go on the cross trainer again for 30 mins and then on the bike for 45 mins then sit ups ... need to have a slim body ... i mean i read 'reveal' last night and if Geri can lose all that weight from having a baby in MAY then so can i - and ive not had a baby so it should be alot easier for me!!!! and even jordan has lost 2 stone in a month from being on an extreme diet and exercise plan ... i mean yes she has money behind her to help her out ... but at the end of the day i can control my food intake and go to the gym and lose the weight for xmas cant i??
just a few questions girlies ....
how much weight can i/you lose sticking to the diet above????
what diets have you been on that have worked???
what sort of exercise do you do???
does anyone take hoodia?? if so what are ur eating patterns like?
what low cal snacks do you all snack on??
is it true that your body goes into a starvation mode if you stop eating - therefore dont lose fat??
thanks for your help everyone xxxx
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| Newbie |
[14 Nov 2007|10:33am] |
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Hey everybody. I've been watching this community for a while and finally decided to join.
I've had anorexia since my sophomore year of high school.It just sort of happened. I had no guidance and it just happened naturally. At that point, I didn't even really know what anorexia was. In fact, I was really against super-skinniness and the modeling standards. But obviously, my views changed pretty radically.
Throughout my childhood, I was always about 10 pounds overweight. My brother and my dad always made fun of me about it. I was that chubby girl who COULD be really pretty if she lost weight.
Well, I did. And it has been worth every moment of hunger pain and suffering, whether it be social suffering or physical suffering.
In my friend group, I was the pretty-but-chubby one. And I guess it is a good self-esteem booster to have a chubby girl around you all the time...so when I lost weight, my friends became super-vicious and jealous. They accused me of being bulimic or doing coke. DEFINITELY not the case. So yeah, that's part of the social suffering that I've had because of this...but you know, fuck them.
Now I'm a freshman in college. This past year, I fell into a major depression and gained weight because of the medication they gave me. I also had nothing to do but sit at home all day and self-medicate with food, since I was in too much despair to leave the house often.
So yeah. I gained weight. And I've been struggling to keep myself out of the pit of depression and to get my weight back down. I never ever ever used to binge or purge. I had the most wonderful self control. But I got into a binge-purge cycle for about 6 months and then stopped. And now I've just been bingeing one day and fasting for the next three. I HATE it. I just want to have a regular eating (or non-eating ;] ) pattern again. Bingeing makes me feel like hell.
Up until now, I've had to go it alone in my anorexia battle. Never looked at support sites or anything until recently. But I'm so off-track right now that I need help from other people who know what I'm going through. I hope we can all support each other.
Oh, btw, stats:
Height: 5'8''
LW: 118
CW: 140 (I KNOW. Repulsive. But keep in mind, I am 5'8''...)
GW: At this point, I'm trying to get to 130. Then 120. Then 110. (Baby steps, you know?)
One day at a time, girls. Good luck.
PS: I'm also vegan. Holla at the vegans! ;)
PPS: I'm on day 2 of my under-300-cals-a-day plan. I was on it before, but I binged on Sunday. :(
I just have to get past these first few days, and it will be smooth sailing from there.
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[14 Nov 2007|11:06am] |
im sorry. second post for today.
i really hate it when nobody listens.
im so depressed at the moment.
tt xoxo Love
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[14 Nov 2007|11:10am] |
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yesterday didn't go so well...im pretty disappointed in myself. My bf surprised me with rye bread and dill dip because unfortunatly he knows i can't resist..and i didn't of course. To add to that, its that time of the month so im bloated, tired and just craving CARBS!!!! sorry, but i just need to vent...with any luck i'll make it to the gym today and hopefully that will help...hope ya'll are doing well! :-)
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| hmm... |
[14 Nov 2007|11:39am] |
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hey girls hows it going ok here i guess i just ate some eggs to try and keep my metabolism going by eating like 5 very small things a day but keep my cals around 400 b/c im stuck at a plateau pretty sure its b/c of my metabolism anyways... when i go to sleep at night i lay in bed for hours tossing and turning and my hands and feet always go numb....does this happen to any of you?? off to exercise! MUAH xoxo
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[14 Nov 2007|12:15pm] |
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hey ladies!
went to the gym today for the first time in ages as, i tore my stomach tissue from throwing up so much when i had a tummy bug so ive had to take it easy, with no exercie. it even hurt just walking down the road! anyway ive lost 2 pounds even though i haven't been going to the gym. its the best feeling in the world!! awwww i love it. im hoping to be able to see my collar bone by xmas - its prob a bit too ambitious but everyone needs to be ambitious!!
hows everyone else doing??
xxxxxxxxxxxx
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| hey lovelies................................ |
[14 Nov 2007|12:35pm] |
Hey everyone,
it's been so long but i've been trying to get myself together, good news though, i've surpassed my goal weight and i'm going for more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!These are my new stats:
HW:235
LW:115
CW;113.5 ORIGINAL GOAL WEIGHT WAS 115 NOW 110
NGW;110
HEIGHT:5'8 ............IT'S BEEN HARD AS HELL. I only took me a year but i've finally made and all I did was cut out sugar, white flour,FRIED FOODS, 400-500 CALS A DAY, and all meats, i'm now vegan.TTYL LOVELIES AND REMEMBER NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD AS THIN. I'LL PUT PIXS UP SOON
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| off school |
[14 Nov 2007|12:54pm] |
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ok i've decided with myself that i no longer am going to force them to let me eat.
i've decided its maybe better i stay away from AQ for a while
i love you guys
but i think i need to sort things out with myself
i leave you guys at 86lbs
once i reach 70 i will be back
who knows that might even be in a couple of weeks.
goodbye
stay strong
you can all do this.
love
xxx
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| Still truckin' |
[14 Nov 2007|01:30pm] |
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Ugh...I just averted a potential disaster. Got a huge craving (I've only had about 300 calories over the past few days) ALMOST gave in. And then I told myself to stop and forced myself to put the food away. And I actually listened to myself. Honestly, my stomach usually never listens to my brain. Ever.
And then I had a sip of 5-calorie-per-can lemonade, and my craving was completely gone. Sometimes even the most intense cravings are easier to conquer than you think, I guess...
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| New |
[14 Nov 2007|01:35pm] |
Hi I am new.
I currently weigh 120.
5'3".
Highest weight was 134. Fucking disgusting.
Lowest weight was 112 about 3 years ago :(
I really want to weigh 110.
But getting down past 119 seems so impossible now...
Well a little about myself, I am vegetarian, I also don't drink milk and I avoid anything with eggs/cheese...You could consider me a loose vegan.
This May I weiged 134lb I was completely uhappy with myself and just kept remebering when I weighed 112lbs....I was extremly depressed and then I pretty much went crazy on myself and lost 14 pounds in two month....
Whenever I look at myself in the mirror I honestly feel so gross and like I am extremly fat and ugh. I just can't take it.
I want to be able to see my hipbones again. I want to feel tiny.
I was doing really well this whole week.
I was at 119 two days ago and my mom took me to cheesecake factory and I hadn't eaten anything all day...
and I ate :(
I am going to see my boyfriend in 5 days (I havent seen him in 3 months)
and I really want to be at 116/117 when I see him...
Going to eat as little possible these next 5 days...
so far today all I had was some steamed broccolli with no butter not nothing and some cooked spinich.
I want some more, but I have to control myself...
I can't....
I really just want to feel normal...
anyone got any tips on how to loose my remaining 10lbs before December?
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[14 Nov 2007|02:08pm] |
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What the fuck I eat bearly anything and I burn 834 cals yesterday.... and I'm fucking the same fucking weight in the morning. Fucking fasting today. I am so fucking pissed. And no exercise today.
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| burned up |
[14 Nov 2007|02:18pm] |
well, if you think your day has been bad just for eating something or forgetting to workout or someone pissed you off..... maybe you should hear how my days went....
I'm staying at a friends house,, and i got a phone call from a friend telling me my mom called and said that there was a fire at the house, she was crying so thats about it that trisha could understand... so after getting that call from trisha, I tried to call my mom and tried to call mrs.geri, no luck.. so had to wait about four more hours just to find out anything, my mom called and talked to me,...
this is what she said...
I was alseep, and so was the dogs, I woke up just to use the restroom and noticed it was a bit foggy in the house. Than went to the kitchen and nothing was wronge there so than she searched the house and headed tords the back, notice smoke was coming from my room, and opened the door, it was pitch black in my room, she couldn't see beyond the door post, so she shut it and called 911. they came, busted my window and allso came throught the house, and got it out, my WHOLE ROOM is distroyed.. all my clothes, books, art work, makeup, shews, EVERYTHING....... kind of sucks.... consittering that i didn't have time really to pack what i wanted before coming to a friends the other day, all i grabbed was a shirt and shorts, toothbrush and hairbrush.. hmmm, go figure, and my birthday is this saturday... so,,,
Crappy day for me,....
I want to cry so bad, i'm fighting it so hard, i hate to let people see me cry...
so,, please forgive me if i dont post for a few days..... I"m sorry.
mae
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| hello ladies |
[14 Nov 2007|04:18pm] |
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complacent |
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hi. im new here and i thought i would tell you about myself.
my name is katelyn
i have had an ED for 6 years
CW: 85 lbs.
LW: 75 lbs.
HW: 115 lbs [gross]
GW: 67 lbs.
[and im five foot two]
i just got home from the hospital after crashing my new rolls royce into a tree. i wouldve gone through the
windsheild but since i only weighed 70 lbs at the time i didnt. once i got to the hospital i had to stay an extra 2
weeks because they said i didnt weigh enough and thats why i gained 10 lbs.
the reason i am ana is because when i was a kid and about until i moved out of my house my mom called me
fat and made fun of me for wearing a medium. it sucked and now she will never be able to call me fat again.
well that is if i ever lose 17 lbs. when people tell me i am too thin i just laugh in their face. because im not. i
need to lose 17 lbs. and im praying i will.
wish you guys the best
love katelyn
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[14 Nov 2007|04:41pm] |
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gah i hate work and school!!!
the stress me out and when i stress out i eat and then that stress' me out then i work out but i can't work out like i would want to because i'm too full and then i feel like throwing up but never can so i just gain weight and then i try to fast and then something happens and i find myslef eating!! i can't take it
i use to have such good self control but now its just gone
gah and my friends are all worried because well i'm almost 17 (Dec. 22) and my well boyfriend is 21 and all of them think that he is going to force me to sleep with him but yeah i don't know cause right now i'm willing to do it just because of the calories i'll burn and then i'll feel bad for going against them and then not eat so its a double win for me but yeah i don't know
but yeah since i'm just getting back into the swing of things i'm going back to my limitations i had when i first became anorexic:
1. can you say WATER! i know i can
2. what is that? desert? i think not
3. more than a pinch of food....well thats more that a pinch of fat on you thighs
4. seconds make u come in last place so don't be confused
5. every time you eat is another set of 300 crunches you have to do
6. just keep moving
7. clean your room and don't eat so you win twice!
8. no one likes to see you eat...even the imaginary people
9. thinking of food? well think of a dude or anything but it
10. think of were it came from and where its going
11. Fasting makes the pounds leave faster
12. if you eat it, it must have color
13. Stay strong and you have your online journal!
thats all that i can remember but yeah okay well stay strong ladies!!! i'm glad to be back
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[14 Nov 2007|05:04pm] |
Hey girls,
I'm pissed today, I was supposed to be liquid fasting today. Wound up BPing. I'm such an idiot.
I'm one pound less than this morning, but I don't care. I need to loose 7 lbs in the next 8/9 days. And that means liquid fasting, plus a day or two of plain water fasting. . . .
Argh, sooo pissed!
I need help with this lol. When I get a new cell, which should be soon, does anyone want to exchange numbers? Talking online gets me motivation and help and all, but when it comes to fasting, it does shit lol. Not the persons fault, its just harder to do when you have school, because you're there all day, unable to get motivation, and then you get home, and are so, . . . "Hungry confused" and go eat rather than get on the computer.
I found some links that are pretty good, thought I'd share them.
Porcelain
Red Bracelet -> we should all make one/get one, w/e
Anorexia School
Anorexia College Plans -> sounds strange, I know, but can be Soooo motivational.
I posted this stuff last night, but no one was on really....
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[14 Nov 2007|06:21pm] |
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FUCK off am i going to the DOCTORS! im fine why dont you just leave me alone and let me eat what and when i want!
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[14 Nov 2007|07:18pm] |
my siser is such a bitch.
i was trying to practice my speech and shes putting the t.v. up so fuckin loud so she wont here me, and im timing myself trying to consentrate on it cause i have to present it tomorrow, and she tells me to shuttup and she puts the t.v. up even louder.
i went up to her and told her to lower it, and we just got into a big physical fight, she hit me first.
shes so rude and has no respect.
i cant believe it, i always do stuff for her and help her with her homework and this is what she does to me.
what the hell.
shes so rude.
i hate it.
and shes my younger sister, and has no respect for me, i always give her respect, whats her problem.
uhggg
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| blah! |
[14 Nov 2007|07:24pm] |
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hey girls hope u are doing ok today fukn sucks pretty much i only worked out half as much as what i normally do b/c i was so sore from yesterday but thats not really an excuse plus i b/p today and ive been really stressed b/c im leaving to go homw back to florida on saturday and i have to drive from washington state and im leaving my b/f to go back to school so were pretty much breaking up and he treats me so good its fucking depressing sorry about the ramble i guess when i go home itll be easier to not want to eat though b/c ill be fuckn depressed i guess thats the only upside and ive been having trouble sleeping b/c my hands and feet go numb throughout the whole night guess its bad circulation im always freezing....ok i guess im done with my rant...love u girls ur what keeps me going xoxox think im going to go have a few drinks since i already had more cals than i should have maybe itll make me feel better and help me sleep...tomorrows a new day : /
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[14 Nov 2007|07:34pm] |
Hey Guys,
I really hope that i got over my plateau today. i've been the exact same weight for the past 3 days, despite fasting. But today i went to a 2 hr jazz class, a 1 hr yoga class and i burned 445 calories at the gym.... so hopefully i'll see a change in the scale tomorrow
if my weight doesn't go down i don't know what i'm gonna do.
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| NEWBIE !!! |
[14 Nov 2007|07:43pm] |
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HEy girlies,
I'm new to the community! I have been dealing with ana for about 7 years now. I'm 23...
5'2
cw:98
gw:90
lw:92
hw:130...cow
just wanted to say hey!!
x0
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[14 Nov 2007|07:49pm] |
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hey everyone,
ive been fasting for 18 hours 49 mins.... am soo hungry! i am going 2 have some raw veg soon.....
had the worst day ever ! failed my maths exam :( am soo upset....i feel sooo helples and fat =[
i need 2 lose abit more weight to cheer me up
keep stong
xo
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[14 Nov 2007|07:52pm] |
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cheerful |
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Gah, I feel like I don't post enough. I used to post all the time.
lol.
Anywayy. I've been doing well.
This ends my 2nd day of fasting and I'm fine.
:D
I have nooo idea where all this will power is coming from. But I'm glad.
But anyway, how has everyone else been doing? Good I hope.
Lets talk.
Aim/myspace/email/msn/text?
:D
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| ugghhh |
[14 Nov 2007|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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I'm such an idiot ..
I'm reading the book called Wasted its really good ! I have such mood swings .. Omg is horrible .. And I have like no patinece left either ......
I heckaa liked this boy like A LOT .. And we hungout a couple times ... and he is hella sweet ...or so I though ... And so Sun night I hungout with him and his friend and we made out in the back of the car (my first kiss) newayss .. We talked the rest of the night afterward and I liked him much . But then the next day he didn't reply to my txt .. And I was getting anoyed .. So he finally replyed at like 8 pm and we talked .. And then I find out (not by him ) he likes this chick .. And she's ugly and has a BF !! And I feel so played .. Ughh I hate guys ! ....
Ps she's fat to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeezzzz
Anyways .. If you want to txt ... email me animalangel707@tmail.com
Or myspace.com/the_next_day
Ily =[ ...
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| i know i said i wasnt gona come on here for a while |
[14 Nov 2007|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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but i had to. I need you girls to help me get through each day.
Girls i'm so depressed.
I have never cried for so long..two hours sitting in a corner of my room wanting to kill myself feeling worthless and weak.
You know how i told you i heard my ex talking to his friends about how they think i have a problem.
Well today i went on msn and he added me!
and he was like 'are you ok, i thought i'd add you because you looked really depressed the other day etc etc'
and i was like 'i'm fine'
then we were talking about other people and he was like 'seriously something is wrong with you'
and I TOLD HIM about everything
WHHHY?
i dont know why i did, but now he is like 'shit i'm so sorry, is it my fault, you're so skinny already, dont get any sknnier please' etc etc
and he was like 'i can help you gain weight healthily and wont force you unlike others'
gahh i felt so shit so i left and he was like 'good luck with recovery' and i said i dont want to recover and left it on that.
I couldnt stop crying..i felt miserable for putting that load on him.
I wana speak to him again though, in some way.
AAAAAAAH!
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[14 Nov 2007|08:07pm] |
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mood |
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i feel so fat today for some reason. but i only ate a little bit of rice and chicken for dinner. probably 200 cals total. but im like so depressed right now because i saw this recent pic of myself and i look HIDEOUS. like, seriously. ugh
i hate this. o yea, i should go take some diet pills. lol
im bored. i wanna escape from life right now tho. nothing is going right. i wish i could like, hault the world and lose thirty pounds, then come back my life would be perfect. cause all i ever think about is food and how i look and weight loss, and all that jazz.
Ya feel me?
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[14 Nov 2007|08:10pm] |
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mood |
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ok....so i wanted to get recover.. and i was eatin 800 cals a day.. then i started to eat alil bit more
and when i ate 1100 cals for 2 days.. and i gained weight, of course i was gonna gain some... i was laying in my bed all day.. why??? bc of the pain after 2 of my wisdom teeth were extracted....
now i'm eatin 500-600 cals a day aprox, and i'm gonna be back on track soon.. bc i really want to lose like 12-14 lbs in 2 weeks..... (bc i have this tour with my class and i wanna look amazing.. so i gave up the idea of recover)
my doubt is... :
a girl from germany is coming to my home.... she arrives at tuesday and she is gonna stay here for like 6 months....
so i dunno if i should tell her about my E.D....
bc germans usually eat alot!!.... their metabolism is so god damn fast!.... and they are always making their kuchen (kind of pie) and all kinds of bread.....and this weird things they eat.. besides she practices alot of excersice so she eats more.. and she won't stop here... i'm a sport girl too.. but i'm tryin to slow myself a lil bit down so i can be lighter.
should i tell her?? maybe she can cover me sometimes.. eat my food... and lie to my friends and tell them that i do eat alot!..... or maybe if i tell her she'll tell my parents... but i don't think that'd happen, bc probably she is gonna be more comfortable with me than with my parents.... i think if i don't tell her she is gonna figure it out by herself, so perhaps she'll tell someone.
ok should I or not??? please suggest me
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| 3rd day |
[14 Nov 2007|08:25pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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I'm 114 pounds according to my scales today. and I havent eaten for three days baby!
I'm definetly going to fast for a week maybe more, I was reading on fadingobsession that you can loose like 2 pounds everyday on a fast! good huh? and all these morons in the 'healthy eating' books say like eat 500 cals less a day and you can loose 1 pound every week! wow every week!? I could loose everything I wanted to loose in 16 weeks! lol this way I could loose it in 16 days, maybe less. so hmm ya maybe I'll do it for 16 days, thats only over two weeks.
I don't feel too hungry today, well I did, when I think of food, but when I'm away from it and at work, I feel okay, but its kind of confusing, I feel hungry but its like copable (is that a word? lol) I can live with it, if you know what I mean, especially if I can loose all that freaking fat weight.
I am sooooo not looking forward to eating again though, yuck, I can't even imagine eating and its only been 3 days...and it feels good as well, to not eat, makes me feel, ummmm powerful?
I think so, can't wait too loose it all! hehe
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| 2 days! |
[14 Nov 2007|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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antm |
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hey ladies, today is day 2 of my fast. yesterday I was feeling pretty sick, I almost passed out twice. this morning I woke up and drank cranberry juice & went to school. all through school I was not hungry, thank god. after school I got a bottle of diet coke & I'm still sippin on it. no food today & its almost 9pm! yay me! 5 more days of this lets hope I keep it up.
xoxo good luck to all of you fasting
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[14 Nov 2007|08:45pm] |
Yes a pretty average day today
The only thing productive was finding out the calorific value for one Wrigley's sugarfree Extra Mints.
One mint is exactly 1.25 calories =)
I'm going to live off those i think and excessive consumption gives laxative effects!
For any of you who didn't know that
well that's that =)
love ya xxxxxxxxx
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| far from perfect |
[14 Nov 2007|08:47pm] |
well im still far from perfect
but i am happy as i am the smallest i have ever been (still fat)
but i weigh the same i did when i was 13 and im like 16
and omg i actually saw 7.13 on the scales - honestly i havent been in the 7 stone category for like 3 1/2 yearss
gosh losin weight is hard but wen u actually do u feel so great
still a long way to go - hoping to be 7.7 by end of month thats like from 111lbs to 106lbs
hopefully i get there
then 100lbs by christmas
oh i was wondering if its hard to be a vegan
i am already a vegi (i eat fish but not much an that would be easy to give up) but was wondering if any of you who are vegans find it hard - reading labels of food its hard to find anything thats vegan
when i suggested the idea to my parents they went mental (liek they did wen i came vegi) and said i should weight til im 21 cause otherwise it could effect my bones or something like that
id like to be vegan (not jsut because it is a great way to lsoe weight) but because i do care about animals,a dn would liek to feel 'pure' because i know i have eaten nothin from an animal
is it worth being vegan? is it hard? could it be bad for me?
thnaks for help everyone it really has been useful
xxx
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[14 Nov 2007|08:52pm] |
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im gonna fast tomorrow, im done with the 2468. i find it easier to fast....is that weird? because once i start eating, its like i cant stop. i did 200 cal perfectly yesterday. but today i had 760 cal...i was suppose to have 400....so of course im super annoyed with myself right now and refuse to weigh myself. so im just gonna fast tomorrow and the next day and then eat a little on sunday...without going overboard, if its possible. hope everyones having a good day. =]
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[14 Nov 2007|09:09pm] |
30 or 40 cals of solids today...
hadn't done this good in months...
:)
i hope im not the only one having a good day.
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| urgh! |
[14 Nov 2007|09:22pm] |
my mum keeps saying im getting a eating disorder
but hello thats the point urgh!
she keeps making me eat and having stresses at me if i dont =[
depressed much
last week i eat 4000 in the whole 7 days
now she forcing me to eat
monday - 1000
tuesday - 800
wednesday- 800
im such a failure
i need some support
anyone please help??
im not gunna eat much all week at this rate ill be getting fatter =[
xxxxx
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[14 Nov 2007|09:33pm] |
hey everyone,
im just feeling really horrible about tomorrow with the damage ive done today. i dont know how to avoid seeing my stomach and feeling fat...i dunno how to escape it. well, i posted some new entries in my journal. ones really long and ones just my current stats and some photos of me if you guys wanna take a look. have a good night girls and hope your day was better than mine...
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| bad week |
[14 Nov 2007|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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Looks like a bunch of the ladies are having a bad day. I account for one of them too. Im feeling absolutely disgusting. I wish I could rip the fat and flesh from my bones. I hate my body. I want to be thin but it's so hard. I did use some help from one girl here and I have been taking an overdosage of my laxatives. Which works really well (my body built up an ammunity to normal dosage). But of course my Mom came home early and I had to eat. There went my no calorie day.. I am so upset. I wish people didn't care whether or not you eat. Im not even near as beautiful and thin as most of your girls and people make comments and make me eat. I need some words of support Im really down on my luck. I hope better for the rest of you.
~eos11
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[14 Nov 2007|09:45pm] |
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Does anybody remember the name of that "quite" well known anorexic Japanese girl? I cannot remember the nickname they used to give her, but I remember it had the word "Pink" in it....
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[14 Nov 2007|09:48pm] |
wow....
i havent been on here for about 2 months?
thats just because of family reasons.
so.. what is everyone up to?
well im going on a 4 day fast. :]
anyone want to join me?
oh yeah my names beth.
if you forgot
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| Two things |
[14 Nov 2007|10:41pm] |
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First off is I got told I exercise too much the other day. So i got online and researched overexercisers so i could prove i wasn't one, but well i just got confused. It said it's normal and healthy to exercise 3-5 times a week for 30 minutes, but overexercisers don't do just that. They skip important events (class, homework, appointments, fun activities) to exercise, they don't exercise for fun but to allow themselves to eat or punish/burn off the calories they did eat, they don't stop when tired and their body acts up, etc. I was like wow i'm all of those. I like to run 4-8 miles everyday, and i never skip more than 2 days a week with no exercise, and i go to a yoga, i skip events to exercise (class, tests, homework, hanging with friends). like tonight was late night southeastern (it's this fun thing where all the college students get together and play games, socialize, eat free food, dance, play video games etc) at the gym and i goton the treadmill and went for 40 minutes with out a break and just stared out of the glass workout room at the people having fun. If my heart hurts or im dizzy im like oh well it just means im doing good keep going push harder, like everything that site said,it all applied to me. but i don't think i exercise too much, i mean 4-8 miles a day and yoga an hour a few times a week and walking a few miles at school everyday. thats what people should do and just don't, right? do you all think i'm an over exerciser or exercise addict? i think it's fine and good and healthy and i never questioned it till my friend said something.
And the other thing. Okay lately I'm just so torn about what to do, recover or not. It'slike seriously tortureous. I keep going back and forth wanting it then not. I keep hurting my friends and family, espically my bf and i hate it. I kind of want to just be like look fuck off im fine i like what i do it's my choice being skinny is more important than you. but then i feel so guilty for hurting them and putting them threw all this pain. but then again when i try to do well it just hurts me. so i go back and forth and im staying about the same weight from the up and down/back and forth little battle. not knowing what i want is the absolute worst. i don't want to get well, but i dont want to hurt them.
please leave opinions on both it'd be greatly appreciated.
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[14 Nov 2007|11:01pm] |
hey girls, i dont really write on here but i figure i might as well start. but for tonight, i only have a few questions so let me know if you have some answers!!
first off, anyone know of any 0 calorie gum? i chew it non stop and its a waste to keep poppin 5 calories all day. it all adds up at the end!
second, for a fast, do you drink fruit juices and teas during the day? how about those v8 splashes or is there too much sugar? any suggestions
thats all i can think of right now, back to my studying!
good luck all ;)
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| =( need a friend |
[14 Nov 2007|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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Anyone want to be my texting buddy? I feel like this fast would be easier to get through if I had someone to talk to... Someone who's going through the same thing. We can motivate each other =) I use msn btw>.<
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anorexicqueen