omigod [03 Nov 2007|12:22am] [ mood | angry ] im so sorry. my sister went on my computer, wwhat a bitchhh. im sooooo soooo sooo sorry. i hope she didnt offend any of you she is just jealous cus she weighs like 400 lbs. and i weigh like nothing good luck to all, and i am sooo sorry 8 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|09:04am] [ mood | sleepy ] im 62.1 kilos this morning which is great but i still need to use the bathroom but i just cant cause im too weak =p  Ne ways my friend is spending the night tonight and she gonna come around 1 pm and were gonna walk to mcdonalds at around 3 and im just gonna get a garden salad and a coke light.mmmmmm yummy. But to be honest im at a point right now where food just scares the crap out of me.no joke. Hope everything goes well today =) This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|09:16am] Hey everyone,      I haven't been on for a while lol, sorry. Update wise, I've been fasting, and no, not alone, and no, not with a buddy, with my best friend. Basically what happened is on Halloween we ate like, 7 different chocolate candy things, felt bad, and she said "Oh man, I'm so going on a fast after this." and I said "Dude, me too!" And we both got the idea to do it together and shit. So....yeah, she has some anorexia problems as well.    But uh, yeah I've lost 3lbs in 3 days! I'm 96.8. At least, thats what my scale says, not sure If I 100% believe is though lol.  We were going to fast till Thursday, but its starting to get hard, both of us live in a family of food, so were are thinking Monday. But, truthfully, I ate some cereal and purged last night, and I feel like a total ass for that. So maybe as punishment, I'll go till Thursday. Wish me luck, and good luck to all of you! 3 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|09:36am] I'm sick!  my mom was like we're going to the gym, then she's like "well your not now." :[[[[ I've had fruit and oranje juice today. All I plan on having is tea, water, and maybe tomatoes. :] 1 suicide| This is Perfection

fast . [03 Nov 2007|09:54am] i need to fast desperately. it so hard for me, truely. i sit there all day chewing nothing but gum and drinking tea and then when dinner rolls around, ive got to fucking eat it. fuck! especially resteraunt dinner, too. not fast food, mind you, because i haven't had that in years, but like regular genuine dinner and its like golden. ugh. anybody know how much calories are in panda express? gag me. candy 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|10:16am] [ mood | rushed ] Quick question. Im kinda in a rush cuz i have to go to basketball practice but i ran the stairs 50 times. Does anyone know how many cals were burned? I ran my upstairs steps n theres 16 of them. Much help need! Thankx! This is Perfection

uh, okay . [03 Nov 2007|10:21am] strange question, but, anybody know how too loose a chest? im currently a 3B & I find when i loose weight, only my stomach shirnks, not muy bust line. it's agrivating and annoying. currently, being 5'6 and 100 pounds, i know with a smaller chest i could lower that weight by much. anybody else have this problem? or have had this problem? or at least any ideas to help? thanks, girls. candy 7 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|10:56am] [ mood | tingly ]  well i had 100 calories  yesterday and not a whole lot the day before and nothing yet today. My body tingles and i get so dizzy, light headed, tingly, and daze out a few seconds everytime i stand, but oh well. This is what i have to do till im 87... ugh i miss those days. wish me luck. 94.4 Lbs today. depressing 2 suicides| This is Perfection

WORRIED [03 Nov 2007|11:46am] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Cold- Cure My Tragedy ] I am sooo worried about him. He seems like he's doing more and more coke, and he tells me he "doesn't have the addictive personality". I can only trust him so much. I mean, I tried to tell him last night, at 2 am, how he's going down the same road my ex did, and I'm going to be so upset if I lose another loved one the same way. He tries t convince me differently, and at one point he said "Don't worry about me. What happens happens, and it's going to be my fault." I actually started crying (not that I think he noticed) and I just said that I didn't want him to end up in that kind of situation and no matter what, I was going to worry. Well, not much of that got through, he was doing coke right then and there. I asked if he was going to do it all that night and he said "Emily, you don't get it. If I save it, I'm going to want it, like all the time". Well, I guess that's where he leaves me. Not only that, but he moved into his new apartment last night, so instead of being 5 min away, he's more like 35-40 min away. I hate it. He's on his permit and he was driving his mom's car home from work with another kid (who is old enough to drive with but believe me, not nearly responsible) and on the way home, they were going to pick up some coke. This is about 11 at night. So I seriously felt sick to my stomach, almost to the point of puking, because I was worried, we know cops profile younger teens, especially boys like them, and if they got pulled over and searched for some reason, it just wouldn't be good. Luckily he made it home safe. But still, I'm worried and I will be, for a good long time. Plus, he wants to get into dealing. Hey, I've warned him. And it's not like I'm his girlfriend, so I'm afraid to push it too much, and I just don't know what to do. 11 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|11:54am] well that's it.  my mum just sat me down and told me she's leaving my dad. getting a divorce.  i hope she's happy. now she'll have to be completely on her own. that's just what she's always wanted.  i told her i hated her.  i never want to talk to her again.  now she has no one to help her get through this. well i don't care. she can fucking die.  i never want to see her ever again. 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|12:03pm] Day three! going strong. just coffee so far today. im not trying to drink to much because normally i get very twitchy and my heart races to fast. im to scared to check my weight. its killing me, cause i NEED to. but its so hard..im scared of the numbers. :/ im fasting as long as i can. and once i break, im going to restrict 300 cals for three days, and then try to fast longer than the last time. its like a game. testing my will power. 4 suicides| This is Perfection

OK..... [03 Nov 2007|12:28pm] [ music | bubbly ] So, i haven't lost any weight. IT SUXS. I think I hit a plateu. Do you guys  know how to get a appetite suppressant? is it in stores or is it from a prescription, then how do i trick my doctor into giving me.   LuV,  Maria 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|12:42pm] [ mood | happy ] I've already lost the 2.6 lbs I gained at the family dinner yesterday. Once again, I'm at my lowest weight =D It's weird... the more thin I get the thinner I want to be. I don't know If you all understand me... Anyways... Have a great weekend everyone! What I do in weekends is just liquids all day and then at night... alcohol! And It doesn't make me gain weight :D 2 suicides| This is Perfection

skinny doesn't mend a broken heart [03 Nov 2007|12:51pm]   I keep finding myself running away from happiness. I think I’m purposely trying to hurt my self. Punish and I can’t stop it anymore. I can’t love. I’ll only love Justin. M and that’s the only person till the day I die. Why did he have to get caught and go to jail. He told me not to go but I did, he told me not to be with Adam but I did and here I am hurt and alone with no one to love me but a man in a jail cell. I hope he thinks of me cause our love was so true. I’m my mind I don’t want to wait for him but my heart stops me from loving another. I’m punishing my self.   So far 180…that all check out my new art peace on being this...its on my journal This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|01:07pm] no breakfast or lunch minimeals yet.  i think im going to eat 1 egg no butter or salt (65 cal) on a slice of whole wheat toast (60 cal) than for lunch,  1 mini plain bagel (120 cal) and 1tbsp of saltless butter (40 cal no fat) dinner will be yogurt (110 cal) and a skinless apple (61 cal)  so thats 456 calories all together i probably wont eat the yogurt so thatll be 346 calories today and i also need some help, i have to go to the fair with my friends tonight any encouraging words to think so i dont tempt myself to eat that greasy fatty carnival  food? much love,  chelsea 2 suicides| This is Perfection

hey girls<3 [03 Nov 2007|01:33pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | silverstein ] i havent been on here in soooo long. tons of hw. not fun. but i did really good this past week. Im more motivated than ever. But i would love someone to talk to... msn - mcrtrapt@hotmail.com aim- h34rt5pur59 yahoo- chao.warriors19 email- chao.warriors19@gmail.com would really like to hear from some of you :)  <3 hope you girls are doing good.  2 suicides| This is Perfection

back to normal? [03 Nov 2007|01:49pm] hey my ladys!! i was doin so great... i lost like 6 pounds... but then i though my ed was goin to deeply... it was the 4th time in october that i was fastin... and the first 2 were for 5 days... so i decided that i was gonna fight against it.. and i started to eat... yesterday i did awesome!! just 3 pieces of fruit (breakfast and snack)...  beans for lunch.. and  6 crackets (110 cals) with an egg...for dinner,..... and then a glass of milk.. but i've been gainin weight =(... i have been eatin well for 3 days know. and i already put on 4 lbs... i'm so embarresed... i'm not proud of myself.... but i know this is good 4 my body... anyways i wanna lose 15 lbs this month in a kind of a healthy way... i'll eat less than a normal person.. will restrict myself.. but i'll eat when i'm hungry.. i won't suffer the pain of it.. is not worth it.. if i had lost those 6 pounds in a healthy way i wouldn't have gained them back... what do u think about my choice??? 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|02:11pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | drivin me wild ] I just went on a shopping erm binge lol I've kinda created this rule that if you go into a shop then you have to spend 100 pound, otherwise its not worth it, and well lets just say I went into 5 shops lol OMG I don't think I've got ANY money left now lol I'm trying to fast now, for umm ever lol I had some toast this morning, I was in a kind of daze though...I just woke up and it was about 9am and just made it and didnt even think untill I'd eaten it all, yuck I don't think I was even hungry. today I've got a really sore throat from purging yesturday so its kind of helping me to stop eating lol and I think I've put on weight, but I need some better scales cus mine are just the crappy number ones (you know, not digital) so I'm going to pretend that there wrong, and really I've been weighing 90kg for a month lol Denial works suprisingly well for me though :P 4 suicides| This is Perfection

change of plans [03 Nov 2007|02:42pm] since i had that very fatning slip up yesterday i've decided to take calories away from my meal plans for today i've just had 1 egg and the toast for breakfast 125 calories  instead of the bready carb filled bagel and butter i will have... 1 skinless apple and 1/2 of soup 130 calories ( used to be 160 ) then for dinner .... skinless apple  60 calories thats 315 calories right there  it used to be 456 141 calorie difference. btw if anybody wants to know, because i've seen this question out there, there is about 3,500 calories in a pound ACK! 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|03:09pm] [ music | When i pretend-jordan pruitt ] hey guys im bored.. anyone want to talk im online right now..mab94@hotmail.co.uk feeling shitty! This is Perfection

back to normal? [03 Nov 2007|03:14pm] [ mood | happy ] i already post like an hour ago it was about my idea of becoming a normal person again and eat normal... i just burnt a bunch of calories...!! my lunch... lol... i ate salat and fried fish, but i didn't ate the fried part.. just the fish... and for breakfast ui had pineapple... and then milk... so i think i had done great so far.. bc i gettin abck to normal.. i'm fighting this yay!!! i'm sweating to much right nw,... i'm goin to take a shower bye! :D This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|03:26pm] [ mood | chipper ] H ey Havent Eaten Anything Yet Today. Had A Coke Zero.I Could Live On That Drink  =] Been Horse Riding.Did Rising Trot For About An Hour! Then Had To Help Out With A Lesson Which Basically Means I Was Running For An Hour Think Ive Burned A Few Cals FitDay.Com Is Being A Knob,I Cant Work The Activities Bit =[ How Are You Girls Doing??? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

cramps can suck dick . [03 Nov 2007|03:26pm] i hate period cramps. bloating, fuck you. ive been sitting here without any food since this morning and i dont feel any better because of bloating. ugg, i guess ill fast through my period and than some to see how this all turns out. i want to loose some pounds by monday and hopefully by the end of the week ill loose major weight. anyone want to fast with me? candy 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|03:49pm] alrighty. so since yesterday ive lost 1.5 pounds. which means im down to 123.5. And ive only had a few pieces of candy today, and nothing else, and i think im doing good. I also think im about to start my period so thats some extra weight, which is a big relief. I can do this. =] 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|03:50pm] It's 15:50pm and I'm done for today :) Already had my ''lunch'' ^^ 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|03:53pm] [ mood | pissed off ] I Just Realise 11 Times 14 Is 154 Not 145! So I Weigh More Than I Thought I Did! =[ xxxxxxxxxx 1 suicide| This is Perfection

feeling hungry!... [03 Nov 2007|04:17pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Vanessa Hudgens, afraid ] Hey girls, I'm feeling so hungry!, but, i'm not gunna eat, started fasting today, i started yesterday, but stopped cause i couldn't take the dizzyness!. I just weighed myself, and i've lost a pound!, i know, pathetic!, but its something!, i'm now 7 stone 13, (112 pounds). Sorry if i'm being pathetic, just because i've lost a pound, but i feel so happy that I'm losing weight, not putting it on!. Anyone want to be fasting buddy's, could do with one right now!. my MSN is, wintersong@hotmail.co.uk. Feel free to add me if you want!. Ok girls, speak later, stay strong!, Amy xx This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|04:42pm] my mum made some stupid brownies today =[ and insisted that i have some. feeling rather gross now. last night was so great, i said to myself Right, youre going to do 500 sit ups before you get to bed. and.. i did! i was so pleased and felt so much better than i have done when i woke up this morning :] im now trying to do an essay on Far from the Madding Crowd. not getting at all far. and it has to be in on monday :S my friend's staying over tonight and i never eat infront of my friends for some reason, so thatll be good. i really want to go back to school feeling light and thin even if i dont look it :[ hope everyones doing well and having a good day. think THIN and NOTHING but THIN This is Perfection

Why? [03 Nov 2007|05:12pm] [ mood | disappointed ] I binged.... I purged.... God help me .......... :.( x 2 suicides| This is Perfection

i need help. [03 Nov 2007|05:46pm] well let's see... height: basically 5'4 current weight: 126lbs lowest weight: 90lbs goal weight: anything <126 i can't take it. i'm so sick of being FAT. my stupid little stomach fat and how my legs rub together slightly when i walk... i used to be good at this, but after being watched like a hawk i can't seem to start it up again. i'm not good at long-term anymore. i'm going to do something about it but i don't know how. if anyone wants to give me some support, you have no idea how much that would mean to me. my fat is breaking me...! water polo finished today, so i don't have to worry about having physical energy. wish me luck? stay strong... & i love you all :) 1 suicide| This is Perfection

OMG [03 Nov 2007|05:53pm] [ mood | aggravated ] Shit!!! Crap!!! Fuck!!! At work today and people at work said that they hadd noticed i had lost weight and that they have never seen me eat, and they thing i may have a problem, so i told them that they are going mad and that i have been on a new diet where i eat braekfast and then i am only eat one other meal, they said that if that is the case then i can have a meal with them, i told them i could not couse i had to go for a meal tonight with my bf and they started to have a go!!!! So i said i have something small with them adn that they eat meat and i don't!!! so i had 1 egg  a spoon of tomatos and a small spoon of mushroom Then i got home and my bf started said that he wanted to do a nice meal for me!! i told him i had eaten in work and he said i was lieing and that i was starting my ED up again!!!! (well i am but he don't need to know that) so we argued and i forced me to eat!!!! 10 wedes 2 cheese things and 4 slice of garlic braed (they were really small) i feel so fat!!! i can't belive twice people had ago at me today!!!! And i could not purge it up couse both where watching me in work and my bf!!! so i went into town and when bf was looking at tops i told him i had to go to lloyds to look at hair die and bought some lax!!!! Ha HA!!! 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|05:58pm]  Mums Cooking Vegtable Stir Fry And Ive Got To Eat It =[ Does Anyone Know Aprox How Many Cals It Is??? Its So Annoying I Could Probaly Starve For Days,I Have The Willpower Its Just My Family =[ Much Love xxxxxxxxx 2 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|06:06pm] no carnival tonight ladies. that mean no greasy fried food temptaion. but i have to go to this big family gathering type of thing for my cousin. and that means rejecting food all night infrount of family. i hope they dont question me. wish me luck! 1 suicide| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|06:35pm] Aiight everyone. I decided to stop worrying about him for a little bit. I just kinda offered sexual actions to him on AIM and it turned out it was his friend. OOPS!! Haha. So I decided I needed a cigarette but then realized I didn't have one. Que lastima! So instead I managed to find a few beers that I'd hidden forever ago! Cracked a few of them open... and I'm good. I know beer has a TON of cals but I just kinda need the buzz right now, lo siento. So tomorrow i'm going back to crazy restrictions and excercise. Yupp. So fuck coke-heads. Who the hell needs 'em? I've been through 2! <333 This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|06:58pm] GAH. i do really well, most of the time but.. i love going out to eat with my boyfriend. i mean, i do purge after but i never feel quite the same. my usual routine is... eat nothing but like an apple throughout the day. then when he wants to go out i eat until im content, and then just purge after. so thats like one meal a day, and i purge it. it works okay. ive been slowly losing weight but i know i could do so much better if i just restricted all the time. my main reason for eating that one meal is, i dont want my body to start fucking up. i dont want my hair to fall out, i dont want my organs to suffer. so i just allow myself like one fruit or vegetable or so in the day and then just purge that one big meal. im sure some food gets left behind but i dont freak over it because i dont want my body to shut down. i just want to be sooo thin with no awful repercussions. anyway. today i had one apple, one piece of pineapple. diet coke. water. then for my big meal i had a veggie burger and fries. purged it. 98% of it came out i think. nothing else tonight. cigarettes and ice cold cold cold water. i neeeeed to start working out more. 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|07:52pm] fuck, fuck, FUCK! ugh i'm so fucking pissed at myself. i am so fucking fat. i hate myself. i seriously want to die. i just ate tons of candy. had pizza and bread earlier. oh my god. and a salad and a cupcake last night. i was doing so fucking well. i was on a two day fast. oh my god, i am going to cry. now i have to fucking go eat soup. please kill me 3 suicides| This is Perfection

tonight during dinner [03 Nov 2007|08:33pm]  my family was  asking why i wasnt eating and telling me im skinny enough they asked the usual questions and assumed the usual things but of course my mom denied anything they asked because of course notttthiing can be wrong with her daughter god! they need to just leave me alone! This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|08:45pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Toby Love- Tengo Un Amor ] I need to get back on track. I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of being disgusting. I'm sick of my body, all of it. So tomorrow I really gotta quit eating. I went through the kitchen and there's not much there I think I'll be tempted to eat. Then I need to run, do crunches, and just...not be fat. I'm so sick of it, I really am. Why do I only have a few really good days then fuck it all up?! I don't get it. Mike should be coming over Thursday night. Pretty sure we'll be getting intimate. So I can't eat until then, I can't. It's not all about him, but sure, he's a big reason. Grr. So wish me luck. Add the myspace myspace.com/onlybadgirlsswallow And AIM me if you want to talk or tell me how much of a fat whore I am EMiLYxTHERESE 4 suicides| This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|08:47pm]  Urgh Eaten So Much. As Soon As I Eat One Thing I Just Want More And More Food =[ Ive Had 588 Cals Today Think Thin Ladies xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 2 suicides| This is Perfection

tattoo [03 Nov 2007|09:36pm] I've been considering getting a tattoo and I know that even though it may not be considered an "Ana" tat by others it will be for me.  I doodle long-stemmed flowers all the time and I'd get one around my hip.  It'd represent her.  Just like the tattoo, she'll be with me always. 2 suicides| This is Perfection

HELP!!!! [03 Nov 2007|10:01pm] [ mood | curious ] Can anyone one tell me how you lose the fat of your hips, i have been trying for ages and nothing is working!!!!! please HELP!! This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|10:23pm] [ mood | drained ] i have a headache.  i'm sick of people on xanga asking how to become anorexic and asking for tips and tricks. I'm sick of actually obese people saying they anorexic or pro ana. I'm sick of anorexia and everyone thinking its a diet. my parents arent telling me whats going on about the whole getting chucked out of school, they came back from bank and couldnt get loan so i dont know.  i think  life is shit 1 suicide| This is Perfection

to long [03 Nov 2007|10:26pm] [ mood | pissed off ] when is everyone gonna give u on me? I dont want recovery i want to be THIN fuck everyone that thinks wats best 4 me whats best for me is that im happy and im not happy except wen i feel the hunger pain So just back the FUCK off Sorry 4 the rnt girls i love yall ur my one and only suport i need to get back on track This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|10:49pm] [ mood | determined ]  I really reallly have gotten off track this week. I took a bunch of diet pills at the beginning of the week, and got really sick, so I lost four pounds, but then I had to STOP taking them for a while, and was having food shoved down my throat all week and gained every ounce back. I purged more than usual, but that aparrently wasnt enough. We also had the whole Trick Or Treat thing, and there was a TON of candy left over. But my friends birthday was this week, so i took it to her house for a sleepover that way everybody else could get RID of itttt and it wouldnt just bee there if I get cravings. Next week will be better. Im getting more pills tonight, and I am going to like destroy all of the binge foods in this house. Im trying really hard to be optimistic after having such a fat week. Im not going to get down about it, because that will just set me back even further. I am going to get back on track, and meet my GW. here we go.  CW: 124 GW1:118 GW2: 112 GW3:106 hope everyone is doing okay.. This is Perfection

[03 Nov 2007|11:59pm] so. restricting is my game, excericise is NOT. i hate it i feel awkward and fat running, in the gym, on the street. i am gross, my asthma hates me. but i am going to attempt a jog tomorrow. BUT I NEED SUPPORT. make me go, make me feel disgusting so i finally fucking purge, eat under 600, or fucking RUN! please please please i hate how i am, i need you girlies to make me work off my ass (literally, ha!) <3. 8 suicides| This is Perfection

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