anorexicqueen: i swear my body just loses weight when i

sayers16 (

sayers16) wrote in

anorexicqueen,
@ 2008-05-10 00:05:00

i swear my body just loses weight when it feels like it.
a couple of weeks ago i lost 6.6pounds in a week.
then i put it all back on because i am a dickhead.
all this week i have stayed below 300cal and i have only lost 3pounds.
so annoying.
it's taking too long.
wow. i suppose i am being a little impatient.
as somebody said a few weeks ago "progress is progress"
haha, ok ill stop acting like a spoilt brat now.
hope everyone is going well.
xoxo

(Post a new comment)

oddlythin
2008-05-09 02:24 pm UTC (link)

Hi everyone...I'm new to this site...I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say, but I've struggled with my ED for over 7 years. I've been in and out of therapy, but I HATE going, and listening to other people instead of myself always backfires. Part of me wants my life back and wants to be happy again, but a stonger, bigger part won't let me bc I know being happy means gaining weight. The discipline and committment it takes to lose weight, exercise endless hours, constantly turn away food you desperately want, avoid ppl and rltnshps bc they only get in the way of what you're trying to accomplish, is exhausting and sad. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't make it stop. It will always win. Every time I decide maybe I'm just too miserable, and I'm wasting my life, I go back into therapy, desperately hoping and wishing that I can be "normal"-eat like a normal person, not count cals, not panic, not obsess, have a job, go to school, have friends and a rltnshp-I realize once I start gaining weight that I will never be "normal" and I have to accept that this is the life I've chosen and this is the sacrifice I have to make. Everyone in life makes sacrifices for what they want, so how is this any different? I'm so jealous when I see girls sitting down to a meal or eating McDonald's or ice cream or candy. I can't even eat fruit bc I'm afraid of the sugar and the effects of the insulin triggering weight gain. I haven't been out to eat in over 5 years. I REFUSE to eat anything prepared by anyone else. I'm almost 24 yrs old and I wear a size 8-10 in girls, yet it's still not enough. Everyone says I look too thin, but they don't see me naked. My thighs are huge. I've never had a problem with my stomach or upper body, but my thighs look like they don't belong on my body. It's depressing and extremely frustrating. I spend 4-8 hours a day working out in a sauna suit with a weighted vest and wrist and ankle weights...until I either pass out or can't move anymore. I take diuertics and laxatives religiously...and am on supplements that do WONDERS for me. I only hang out with fitness competitors, personal trainers, and bodybuilders from the gym, so I know all the tricks and all the good stuff!). When I decide to diet down, I can usually lose 23 lbs in 3.5 weeks. I should be scared bc my liver and kidneys are failing and I've been having heart trouble recently, but even that can't stop me. I wish I could go back to the day it started and make it go away. I don't know when this obsession took over my life and changed who I was. I think a lot about how I'm almost 24 and I've wasted so much of my life that I will never be able to get back. I keep telling myself every day that I'll call a friend, or i'll go hang out w/someone today, but I can never bring myself to do it. No one can get in the way of my attempts to lose weight. I don't think I'll ever be happy. I'm so sick that I'm now on disability from the state. I'm no longer independent. I can't take care of myself. I'm wasting away.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	myaneexperience 2008-05-09 03:18 pm UTC (link)
	Hey love...I think you meant to post this on the main site instead of this girl's entry. Might want to do a copy-and-paste job! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	oddlythin 2008-05-10 12:36 pm UTC (link)
	Ah! I did...I tried several times, but I'm retarded and couldn't figure it out...every time I clicked to comment on the community, it sent me to an actual person...can u tell me how to write on the actual wall? Haha...I'm not very computer-smart! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	myaneexperience 2008-05-10 03:49 pm UTC (link)
	No problem. Go onto the main page, where all of our entries are. At the very top, you should see a link that says "post to the community" (or something like that). If you click that, it should let you do an actual entry. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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