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[09 May 2008|06:32pm] |
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One Little Step Away- Dawn Kinnard |
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Hey chicks & dudes,
So the gym went fabulously for once, managed to burn 700cals, and I just feel so envigorated for once, I think eating the banana before hand made all the difference, cos I jst kept on going!!
All in all a good day, total cals in = 350 total out = 700. so overall -350 for the day. I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow tho...lol..(aching muscles,etc)
enjoy your wkend...xxx
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[09 May 2008|06:00pm] |
Hey sweeties :)
hope everyones day hasn't been too bad.
I unintentionally ended up fasting till 4pm
then i felt ill
so i had a 82kcal cereal bar.
but i've burnt off 120kcal
so thats gone.
mums making me have dinner, so i may just have neg kcal food and a bit of chicken
and purge it.
down 2.5lbs since wednesday :)
not too bad.
just another 40 ish lbs to go
xxxx
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[09 May 2008|12:54pm] |
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I'm back on track after having a weird week filled with ups and downs. This morning I weighed 126.8. I drank 3 ballerina green tea last night and I'm going to drink another glass today. I have 17 more pounds to lose until I reach my gw. I think I can do it :)
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| FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK |
[09 May 2008|05:04pm] |
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 depressed |
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i just binged on 2 cupfulls of specail K.
Its just dry cereal but i am so disapointed. It was like i couldnt control myself. I just needed to eat!
im so stupid
a fat stupid fuck who gets everything wrong. I so fat!!!!!!
there is no way i will ever be thin for prom. Im going to stay fat forever and look like the biggest lard ars forever and ever
GOD I HATE THIS CYCLE!
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[09 May 2008|09:53am] |
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oh fuck.. that didnt work. sorry. how do you guys upload pictures?? cuz aparently photobucket doesnt work..
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[09 May 2008|09:46am] |
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lets hope this works..
stay strong girlies,
xoxo
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[09 May 2008|11:03am] |
Down 7.2 lbs in 4 days! This is the best plan ever! Hehe i am in a very good mood about that, even though everything else is pretty lousy right now. I'm super nervous about the weekend, because i'm going to New York to see family for mother's day, and lately every time i go back i've been gaining weight. I used to lose every time i went home, but something changed starting in March, and i have no idea what. I know we have to go out for dinner and everything to celebrate, but my mom is pretty happy i'm losing weight so she probably won't say anything if i just get like veggie soup and salad if that's an option, but vegan soups are often hard to find at restaurants. We'll just see what happens i guess.
I'm definitely going to stick with this plan for next week, since it seems like it has actually improved my metabolism. who knew? Today is a fasting day, and it would be a lot easier if it weren't so so cold in my office, it's making it hard to drink water! Only 3 lbs away from my next short term goal-- entering the normal weight range. I know it's pathetic that that's an accomplishment for me, but my disorder has always prevented it-- i'm more of a COE type of gal than purely a restricter. It has been 5 days since my last binge!
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| hi! |
[09 May 2008|04:08pm] |
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So today has gone okay. I could have ate alot less.
3 x plain rice cake 87cals
2 handfulls of balance cereal with water 130 cals
a small tuna bagel!!!!! (im so fat) 300cals ???
so yeah, still too many for my liking but i am going to do more exercise.
I burned around 300cals at school from walking and fidgeting and i am going to work out later for an hour or so.
Im going to get out of dinner today, i really dont want it.
Its my step sis's 13th birthday tomorrow so there will be food everywhere :(
This is so shit!!!!!
I need support i really do not want to binge!!!!
xxxxxxx
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[09 May 2008|08:24am] |
so i had a dream last night that i was staying in a hotel with these two girls from my dance team. and one had a giant bag of skittles and i ate a lot of them.. and then i ordered a piece of chocolate cake from room service and ate that whole thing. and then the other girl wanted to go to wendys to get french fries.. but luckily i woke up before we went there. i was all panicy when i woke up and then i realized that it was just a dream and it was a HUGE relief.
the thing is, i went to bed last night really hungry and when i woke up this morning i was really full. i feel like i might have gone to the kitchen and eaten something last night, because ive been known to sleep walk. god that thought scares me. do any of you naturally feel really full when you wake up?
the good news is, the scale said 113 pounds! im not posative because my scale isnt all that accurate but at least its nice to see the numbers go down. that would leave me today, tomorrow, sunday, monday and tuesday to lose three pounds. i think i can do it.. right?
my friend wants me to spend the night at her house tonight.. and i love her to death, it just sucks hanging out with her because we always get high and i binge. and i know i should have the will power to be better than the munchies, and resist food, but mary jane always tuns up my anorexic feelings. like i always feel fatter when i smoke, i always feel hungrier, i always feel bad for myself for not being able to eat the things that my friends do, when im resisting food its literally ALL i can think about so im not even having fun and then i feel much much worse about myself when i binge.. it really sucks. but i kinda blew her off last night, for fear of bingeing, so if i made up another excuse i think she would think i dont like her or something..
sorry for the long post, but i hope you all are doing well
xoxoxo
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[10 May 2008|12:05am] |
i swear my body just loses weight when it feels like it.
a couple of weeks ago i lost 6.6pounds in a week.
then i put it all back on because i am a dickhead.
all this week i have stayed below 300cal and i have only lost 3pounds.
so annoying.
it's taking too long.
wow. i suppose i am being a little impatient.
as somebody said a few weeks ago "progress is progress"
haha, ok ill stop acting like a spoilt brat now.
hope everyone is going well.
xoxo
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| 14 more pounds |
[09 May 2008|07:46am] |
its crazy that my mind has once again clicked back into starve mood
last night i had 150 calories
now i way 98 pounds
14 to go
xoxo
think thin
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| good good... |
[09 May 2008|12:06pm] |
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Madonna- Drowned World |
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Hey everyone, have just finished university for the Summer, yeah!! But have to get stuck into studying for all the exams coming up in the next 3weeks, which is a good excuse to eat as little as possible and stress out so the pds fall off. Sticking to coffee today, had a pack of snack-a-jacks (100cals), but am going to the gym later, so might have a banana or something before-hand to keep my energy up, aiming to burn 500+ cals at least today, ill fill you in on my progress, weight stayed the same, +0.2lbs, but that was due to the ice-cream I had in the park yesterday, we have to treat ourselves sometimes!!
Best of Luck with your day!! :D
A xxx
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[09 May 2008|10:44am] |
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Overpowered - Roisin Murphy |
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I'm so depressed right now.
I gained some weight from yesterday because my mum made me eat 700 calories for dinner and i'm not kidding. She said that if i wouldn't eat i'd be sent to a hospital and i don't want it...
So today i'm going to my grandmother's house and she's probobly going to make me eat something... :(
I don't know what to do.. All those excuses seem they don't work any more.. :(
And later i'm going to eat dinner.. This day is ruined .. I don't want to weight myself tomorrow.. :(
So far today.. one cashew nut and 200 ml. of water.. :) How many calories are in cashew nuts does anyone know?
I wish you all a good day, i know you're doingbetter than me the fat ass I'm going to study now i've some examens in next week.. :(
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| Hey skinnies! |
[09 May 2008|11:29am] |
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 loved |
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Toto - Africa |
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so far so good today.
3 strawberries
water
cup of coffee.
Feeling a bit happy today. :D Last night the boyfriend told me he loved me.
I'm glad im working tonight in the times where my family have dinner :)
If i have to eat anything. It'll be strawberries. Delicious and so low in cal :)
It was such a beautiful day yesterday!! I've never seen so much sun in UK!!
Tanning = good times. But ugh not when i look like this!!
Slowly improving.
Lets keep going skinnies :)
xxx
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[09 May 2008|04:10am] |
I'm so exhausted, but I just can't sleep. I feel like I might have eaten something, only I can't remember what or when. I just have that paranoid feeling like I might have eaten something terribly fattening and I can't remember doing it. Does that ever happen to anyone? I might be losing my mind. Ah, well, par for the course, eh?
I couldn't exercise today. My back just hurt too much. It happened absolutely out of nowhere. I was just standing at the stove, making a cup of tea, and it felt like a wrenching pain on the lower left part of my back. The weird thing is, my mum apparently pulled a muscle in that spot right at that moment, but she was across town at the time. Psychic sympathy pains? Who knows...all I know is that I'm pissed as it stopped me exercising today, on a day where I desperately needed it because all I can see is FAT.
I'm sorry I've been so negative these past few posts...I know I'm usually much more of the bubbly, positive one and such, but it's been a dreadful few days for me.
Today (after I've finally gone to bed and woken back up) will consist of me eating no more than:
-1 pear
-1 salad
-1 yogurt
-1 piece of toast, dry, on thin-sliced wheat bread
-1/2 cup beans
-1 cup celery
-1/2 grapefruit
-1 Hershey's special dark stick OR Special K bar
I refuse to eat anything not on that list, and I certainly refuse to eat more.
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[09 May 2008|07:34am] |
Today is the morning of my fast. I'm already on my first cup of black coffee! I feel really good about today, like nothing can mess me up.
Good luck to everybody today, expecially the girls fasting! We can all do this LY X
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[09 May 2008|07:14am] |
hey hey :)
so yesterday i managed to fast untill dinner,
then my mum made me eat some chicken and half a bag of crisps!!
i've reached my 2lb plateau so i only lost 1/2 lb yesterday.
Decided i'm going to stick to an apple/ two today
as i lost 2lb in a day before.
:)
xxxx
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| Morning |
[09 May 2008|06:45am] |
Yesturday was DAY 1 of my water/liquid fast, and it went horribley wrong! I had;
.Gum
.Juice
.Water
.Ice pop thingy
.Kit Kat chunky
.Snickers
.Mars bar
.Magnum
.Yoghurt
Eughh yes I know I'm a fat cow :(
BUT
Yesturday I was 137.4, and today I was 135.2. So thats a total loss of 2.2lbs, really happy about that (:
Today, I'm planning on having a 100cal youghurt cos I got gym and I can easily work it off, and I'm going for a 30-45 minute run tonight.
Hope today goes well for everyone! Good luck with what your doing!
Ly all <3
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[08 May 2008|10:35pm] |
So today was another failer of epic proportions(sp?)
i started out well, had a nalgene of water with a bit of all bran
organic milk, 1/4 of a glass,
and some berries
than lunch hit, and my teacher decided to
throw an inclass party with pizza and chips:(
i was conrolling reall well, even though the pizza was veggie
and seemed decently low call for pizza i resisted, and had some fruit with dip. Untill my (fake) ana friend came up and started talking about how much cals are in this meal (as if i wasnt already counting in my head) and blah blah blah, now before i go on i should say why i call her fake, well she claims shes ana, yet doesnt lose a pound, but gains many, eats shit non stop, and give up her veggies at dinner (maing her parents mad) but later on eats choc and what not, she onyl started after she found out i have an eating disrder( im more bulimic than ana she found out about the ana first than bulmia and than started becoming bulimic) anyways the whole thing anoyed me somuch that i faked her into eating to shut her up, but in order to do so i hadto eat a pieace of pizza myself, than my forced dinner on me (purged after sohopefully thats good) and than at work everyone forced fries on me
GAH
but thats ok im on track now
tomorrow is a 400 cal day, nothing over, under is fine and im playing a baseball tourny so lots
and lots of excerise!, im gonna run around as much as possible to burn off today!
think thin girlies<3
much love
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[09 May 2008|12:10am] |
while shaving i cut myself and lots of blood started coming out and i was so happy, cause i deserve it.
on another note:
starting tomorrow i am going to do a 4 day apple fast. eating 3 package of subway apples (each 35 cals).
one for morning, evening, and night.
im doing this until tuesday. then on tuesday im going back to eating 500 cals a day.
by may i was supposed to weigh 120, that was my goal, while i was on 500 cal a day, every single day without doing fasts and everything. i was loosing weight and lots of it doing it. than when i started fasting i would do great than binge, and thats why i still weigh between 127-131 all the time. and i just had a MAJOR binge right now and i weighed 132. thats where i told myself to get back on track. after the 4 day apple fast, im doing 500 cals every singe day again, without ANY fasts cause i know it will lead to a binge. and ill keep gaining and loosing and i hate that cause then my whole body messes up and im doing too much shit to it by eating NOTHING one day, than going over 1,000 cals the next day. my body is going crazy on me and i cant deal with this anymore.
literally my stomach is soo bloated and thats never happened to me and its been like this for a week now. even when i dont eat anything, its still like that. when i saw me weigh in at 132 a minute ago, my jaw completly dropped and i took 4 laxatives, and tomorrow i will be starting the 4 day apple fast. after that, no more fasts and i will continue doing 500 cals a day like i used to. thats how i lost most of my weight.
btw while on the 4 day fast i will not be exercising cause whenever i exercise when on fasts, i have no energy afterwards and ill start looking around for food to eat.
it would be great if you guys would join me!!??
xoxo
think thin.
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anorexicqueen