bringing sexy back t(^O^t) !!! ([info]warwolves) wrote in [info]anakalypsis,
@ 2006-10-02 22:55:00
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a cariacture of intimacy
a dream once, you know. the kind where it's everything you don't mean and everything you can't remember. the sky was rising, going farther and farther up until finally i couldn't even touch it, not even on my toes with my arms stretching up, up. fingers straining, up, up.

i want to fly, i really do, but my feet are nailed to the bare boards of yesterday. i want to follow but i can't. can you understand that?

it hurts, it hurts, does it ever go away? does anything ever go away?

i miss you. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you.

god, i miss you.

something's calling me, someone, a song of a song of a song of a song, and i can barely hear it. but i can. i can hear it. so please don't leave me behind again, don't leave me behind, don't leave me behind.

i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you.

when i woke up, for a few throat-choking heart-stopping heart-breaking seconds, i thought i was right. i thought that the sky really had finally left, going away to wherever skies go to.

my heart hurts. it hurts. can't you make it

just

stop

and i had

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[info]temperamental
2006-10-11 07:31 am UTC (link)
and i had said i was sorry but you wouldn't listen, but i was sorry, i've never been more sorry but you need to understand, you need to understand this is real even though everything else can be fake this is real, please, just understand.

i love you so hard my heart bleeds a little. you're like a knife, you know, razorsharp. like your smile when you used to smile at me. why don't you, anymore?

i love you but i can't, i have too many dreams to catch like balloons and you can't fly but i can. you can't follow but you're pulling on my hand so hard it'll rip off and i'm scared of pain i'm scared it's like birds and knives and i hate it.

but without you i can fly. even if i'm nailed to a cross, even if they mock me and laugh. their laughing is sort of like bees and wasps in my brain humming and buzzing but it's alright as long as they don't pop the balloons. i can fly. i can fly.

i love you but i'm supposed to get married i'm supposed to have children i'm supposed to fly higher and higher and higher and the wax isn't supposed to melt but i'll plummet if i stay here, hovering. i'm too smart to die i'm too smart to fall i'm too smart to fly too close to the sun.

that's the problem, don't you get it, i'm too smart for this, i'm too smart this isn't going to work i know that i'm too smart to let this happen to me. i can't bleed to death before i fly or

or i'll be a corpse, a flying corpse and i won't be beautiful anymore.

you want me beautiful, don't you? so you can smile at me, like you used to, because i'm beautiful. mirror mirror on the wall, i'm the fairest of them all.

and you're just

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[info]warwolves
2006-10-11 07:53 am UTC (link)
and you're just lonely, aren't you, you're lonely like me. except i don't think you can be lonely like me, i don't think you've ever been anything but lovely and i've never been anything but lonely.

my fingertips still remember your paper-thin skin and your razorsharp knives, and god, i miss it, i miss you, but you don't understand, you just don't understand.

(stop it. stop it.)

if i come down i'll die and i can't die, i just can't die, i haven't been to france. i need to watch the sun rise and the moon set and the stars can die and i'll never care.

can you hear me? can you hear me screaming, can you pick up the vibrations and the liberations and the lies?

i love you so much, so so so much, and when you love something you have to let it drown. can you swim? the water's turned to syrup and they're pulling us down, but can you swim, love? don't let me drown, love, don't let me drown.

and in such

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[info]temperamental
2006-10-11 07:04 pm UTC (link)
and in such deep waters i don't know if i can get back to the surface i've already fallen, haven't i? i've already fallen and i think i'm sorry i think i'm crying i think i'm laughing, that's why i'm choking and dying and kicking but it's still just black and blue all around me and your hand in mine, holding on so tight it's like a clamp around my throat.

i love you but you've pulled me down. i love you but my feathers are floating all around me now and up to the surface and i'll never make it. i love you but i never wanted to die with you, i'm not crazy.

i'm not.

it's a phase, it's just a phase, see? i can see the light, i can breathe again and you're gone, i'll never see you again and i'm happy.

i can hear the wedding bells ringing and my bride all dressed in white and i can't see her face but she's beautiful, she's so beautiful with her long dark hair and soft hands, touching me, touching my face, touching me everywhere you used to, kissing me too gently. there's no teeth, no strong fingers gripping my face, no arm wrapped tight around my waist so hard so fierce that i can't breathe.

but i'm happy. you'll sink down and down and down and down and wave and shout and scream and i'll watch, i'll watch and i'll wave back and cry for you but i'll be happy.

and that's all

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