A Darn Dilemma

I don't post here often, but I really need some advice. Here is a very annotated version of the dilemma:

My son is 8. He is in second grade. He goes to public school. He is a smart and wonderful kid. But since kindergarten - maybe even preschool, I have heard the whole ADD thing from his teachers. For a long, long time I simply thought "boys will be boys" and that the teachers weren't doing enough to teach to an individual, etc. (I should add, I taught for 6 years, so I do understand pretty welll how public soperate, and that while teachers try to meet the needs of each kid, with overcrowded classes and unrealistsic administrative expectations, it easy for kids to get lost in the shuffle).

But this year, it seems that some of the same problems at school are coming home and he seems lesa and less happy. His class has a token ecomony, so if he gets in trouble, he loses his "friday freetime" - he definitely has less freetime than has it. Other privelages get taken away from him. HIs teahcer tells me he is a constant distraction, needs constamt redirection, etc. Though his math and reading are above average, his writing suffers as he can't seem to get clear and complete thoughts onto paper. His handwriting is pretty bad, too.

At home, he just never listens the first (or second, sometimes third) time you tell him something, so he gets in trouble quite often, especailly from his dad. I feel like the kid is slowly breaking down from not meeting expectations....

so I read a bunch of book about ADD/ADHD and my child really does fit the basic mold. I read books about Indigo children, too. Anything but ADD! I also looked up a lot of alternatives - behavior modification, supplements like fish oil and magnesium, melatonin to help him sleep at night. I am trying to do everything I can to help him settle and concentrate and pay attention and listen and stop getting in trouble, because I really, really, do not want to medicate him.

I think I am going to have him assessed by a therapist soon though (a friend of mine who is a child psychologist recommended this as opposed to just visiting the doctor right off or letting the school do any form of assessment), because part of me wonders if not medicating him is a disservice as well???

I am at a total loss here. I think the whole ADD thing is so overdone and I cringe to think I might be a parent with a kid on ritalin (or whatever they give now), but I feel like my son is hurting and it isn't really his fault - I mean, he doesn't try to not follow directions or be distracted, it just happens....while part of me feels medicating is the easy way out, another part of me doesn't want to see him hurting if the answer is as easy as a pill a day.

so, I want to hear some stories - from those who have been in similar situations - medicators and non medicators. Please help me think this through, share your experiences!

TIA!