Back in 2003, birth certificate rules in the US changed to require that the birth location (i.e. hospital, birth center, home, etc) and type of attendant (i.e. MD, CNM, etc) be recorded. That has allowed the CDC to compile reliable data on the neonatal (first month of life) and infant (first year) mortality rate for infants delivered in various settings in order to determine what type of obstetrics care delivers the best outcomes. The report for 2004 can be found at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr55/nvsr55_14.pdf and the raw data set for 2003-2005 can be found at http://wonder.cdc.gov/lbd-current.html. Amy Tuteur, MD wrote it up over at Science-Based Medicine. The results are quite clear -- the neonatal mortality right with direct-entry midwives (DEM, or CPM as they are now called in some states) at home is triple the rate for certified nurse midwives (CNMs) or MDs in hospitals or birthing centers. The neonatal mortality rates of a homebirth with a CNM is approximately double that in a hospital setting. This dataset and associate reports are US-specific, of course.

And there's one more thing... The Midwives Alliance of North America has compiled an extensive dataset on the safety of midwifery in the US. According to their data access policies, they have not and will not released this dataset publicly in any form. They will only release it to entities that can demonstrate, to their satisfaction, that they will use it for the advancement of midwifery, and back that up with an NDA. I have no idea what's actually in there, of course, but I've never seen anyone lock up data that says they're good.

ETA: Data tends to be rather impervious to insults and imprecations against the messenger(s).

i don`t have much of a memory from my childhood so i don`t have much to base this on but...my kids don`t really seem to want to play. all they want to do is run around bugging me, bringing me things and telling me everything they can imagine, no matter how many times i tell them to go play with their MILLIONS of toys or with each other. It`s like i`m the most amazing toy they have or something. So i figured maybe they were overwhelmed with the amount of toys they had, and i put most of them away. i often take it as a compliment that they must think i`m totally interesting. i know often they get bored but i seem to remember, when i was a kid, going crazy for alone time. Absolutely LOVING time alone, in my bedroom or the basement or just in general. i seem to remember this happening from age four (my little girls are five and three) or at least around there.
I wish i knew what was really going on. if it`s that their room is too small, they just don`t like each other. we get out a lot, at LEAST once a day and we don`t drive (we walk and bus, often with a lot of walking) and we cook and listen to music together and i`m usually good with them being out and around me...sometimes i want a little space. It`s REALLY hard to get them to play for ten minutes in their room (we don`t really have any other rooms for them to play in alone, i live in a two bedroom apartment), nevermind longer than that.
It seems my eldest has slowly been letting her imagination faulter as school tells her what to do on a scheduled basis and she doens`t have to come up with it on her own. her playmates are obsessed with brandname imagineless toys (like hanna montana and tinkerbell) so she no longer makes up her own names or games, even though we don`t really encourage any pop culture in our household. And she spends a few hours a day at her grandma`s place, usually watching t.v. and eating whatever she wants. which would be fun were it not EVERY DAY.
So... i don`t know if this is a normal stage of childhood... if not wanting to do anything but be around me is a sign of great intelligence *smirk* (no, seriously) or if there`s something going on i can correct so they can better enjoy time alone and time with each other. i think it`s important for them to enjoy time with each other, especially imaginative play but when i encourage them to play together or ask them to give me a few moments of space, they often get mad at me and or react like they`re in a time out.

holy crap i have never experience so much flying by the seat of my pants as parenting has made me do!!!!

apologies for x-posting, but I'm in desperate need of help in finding a good neurologist in Minneapolis (preferably at HCMC)

I won't bore you with my symptoms, but I've been to numerous general practice doctors who can't find why I'm always in pain. And, more scary, I'm starting to have trouble controlling my muscles at times which has led to all sorts of spills and near-falls. I would really like to find a neurologist I can trust, preferably at HCMC, who (most importantly) won't blame my physical problems on my mental disorder (yes, you can tell by my frustration that it's happened a lot). I'm a stay at home mom of an autistic 5-year-old. I don't have the luxury of time in finding out what's wrong with me. I'm worried that it could be the beginnings of MS or worse. If you don't have any personal recommendations, could you please pass along any info you do have? My health is seriously failing (as evidenced when I nearly fainted at my sisters' wedding this past weekend) and I just can't run the risk of being less than capable when my son needs me. Thank you so much.

Current Mood: anxious

Okay, so little miss trampledamage turns 5 in December. She's recently taken to pretending to put make-up on (from watching Max and Ruby cartoons, I think). I have no make-up at all because I don't wear it, so there's nothing here she can really play with. I was thinking of getting her some for her birthday (just to play with - not wearing out or anything).

So, lots of questions:

1) When (if at all) did your kids start playing with make-up? Did you set any particular rules around it? Since I'm clueless about the whole thing, is there anything I need to be careful of?


2) Are there any good kids make-up sets, or should I just get my sister to buy some of the real stuff?

thanks heaps, as always :o)

My son is turning two in November and I am in the process of updating his Amazon Wish List for his birthday/Christmas. The older he gets, the more uncertain I become about choosing toys for him. He is speech-delayed, but is a very curious and smart little guy. He loves Mickey Mouse, cars, opening and closing things, and exploring anything he can get his hands on. My mother is going to give him a Cozy Coupe and we have a couple of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse toys to give him ourselves, but I am stuck on suggestions for others. My question is, can you guys suggest some great toys that he will enjoy and also benefit from? I am so lost!

Secondly, he is getting into music and enjoys the couple of kids CDs we have bought. He doesn't like driving around without music on in the car and will let me know it! I am trying to avoid things like Barney and those kids shows that tend to creep parents out (you know what I'm talking about!). We have the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse soundtrack already and a couple of other sing-along CDs, but I am looking for more sing-along and kid music that is more non-traditional, like They Might Be Giants.  We are also Unitarian Universalist so we would like music that aligns with the principles of a liberal religious tradition. I would love to hear what everyone's suggestions are!

Thanks!

(cross-posted for parenting101 )

1. How old are you? 16 but wise beyond my years :D

2. How old is/are your child/children? 4 months

3. Boy/Girl? Boy

4. Did you always want children, and were your children planned? I always wanted to be a mom, just didn't expect to be one so soon because this wasn't planned.

5. Do you ever wish your experiences of parenthood were different? Sometimes because I worry about whether or not I'm doing the right thing because I want my baby to be the best he can be.

6. What do you think your children will be like as adults/older children? I think my little man will be very unique, smart, and just a little bit crazy when he's older because nothing seems to be normal or average in my life.

7. Name three things you wish for your children. I wish that he can handle stress and pressure in better ways then me, that he treats other people the way he wants to be treated, and that he never forgets where he comes from so he never takes for granted the things he has.

8. Which attributes have your children taken from each parent/family member? As of right now, my baby looks nothing like me and a lot like his dad. He's very happy and doesn't cry much unlike me when I was a baby.

9. Did your experience differ from what you expected? How so? It's a lot different from what I thought it was going to be just because I pictured the father being a part of the picture as well.

10. Do you want more children? Yes but way later in life!

My 8 month old seems to eat and sleep an awful lot and I'm just wondering if it's normal. She goes to bed around 7pm every night and she doesn't usually get up until 7 or 8. She has breast milk and cereal when she wakes up and is tired and ready for a nap around 11 and sleeps for about an hour. Then she gets up and has lunch, we usually go for a walk and play for a bit. She is always tired after being up for about 2 hours but I try to keep her up until 3 and she sleeps for about an hour and a half to 2 hours. Then she gets up and has dinner, plays for a while and goes to bed.

All I have to compare her to is my first child who was up several times in the night until she was 2 and didn't eat regular meals but wanted to snack all day. Am I just comparing apples to oranges or is this weird??

My toddler (2.5years) has a tendency to sleepwalk or so it seems. She hasn't slept through the night since she moved out of my bed and into her own about a year ago and that in and of it's self isn't really problematic (her older sister was closer to 4 before she started sleeping through the night) but she seems to suffer from nightmares/night terrors and has started sleep walking as of about a month ago. At least it seems like sleep walking to me. She has no memory of it in the morning, nor does she seem overly aware when it's happening. She wakes up cries for me and starts wandering to my bedroom she can open doors and form sentences but can't answer questions and is clearly not awake when she does it. She'll scream that "it hurts" but be unable to tell us where it hurts. She looks like she's dreaming is the only way I can describe it, eyes are open but not focussed on anything and doesn't respond to us ie: will call for mommy even if mommy is holding her. These episodes last about 15-20 minutes at most (more frequently 5-10) at which point she comes out of them (wakes up?) and will snuggle or nurse briefly and fall back to sleep. They tend to happen when she's over tired or over stimulated but do happen at least once a week (more on some weeks). We thought they were night terrors at first as she'd just wake up screaming but clearly wasn't awake and they'd pass and she'd fall back asleep but 2.5 seems rather old for them to STILL be going on and this getting out of bed, and coming to find me thing is a little unsettling. She's not old enough to open doors to outside and she's very vocal when it happens so I'm not worried she'll get out of the apartment or get into anything but even so it's unnerving.

Anyone else experience this? Time for a visit to the Ped?

Current Mood: concerned

Any tips for giving medicine to a strong and squirmy 2 1/2 year old who hates having anything put into his mouth?

It has to be given in the morning and with food, so that's always going to be after mr trampledamage has gone to work. It's a very thin liquid so these last two times most of it has either already spilled by the time I get it to his mouth or just drips out with his crying.

He bit his lip this morning in the struggle - nothing like seeing your little boy screaming with blood dripping out of his mouth to start your day off right *sigh*


There has to be a better way.

Any suggestions?

Current Mood: stressed

I'm in a quandry and, while I usually talk with my husband about things, I cannot talk to him about this, so I'm hoping that my friends can help. He's incredibly discontented with his life and, at least partially, blames me. I can't help that I got pregnant and bore him a child, like I can't help being disabled and (temporarily) sick. But he's going on about how I'm not fulfilling his needs. Since I've been back from a visit with my parents, I've been trying to be more attentive to him and his sexual needs. Even while I was sick with a fever (and recovering), I've worn skirts almost every day because I know he likes it. The last couple of weeks, I haven't been able to do much, but I even got up early one day and did his laundry and made him pancakes. I'm doing all I can, but I'm struggling with my own difficulties. Does it make me selfish? My counselors say no, but he says I'm always thinking of myself. All I'm trying to do is take care of myself enough so that I can take care of my husband and my children. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know how to cope. WF sometimes says that I'm like a teenager who never grew up, but a teenager doesn't worry so much about her responsibilities (at least most teenagers.) I love him desperately, even if he doesn't always believe it. I want to see him happy, but he makes like it is impossible for me! He sometimes seems to believe that I'm with him out of convenience. How can I convince him that I truly love him and can make him happy? And, he's a cynic; how do I convince him that life offers multiple chances at happiness, not just one?

-Jen (signing my own name because I'm really serious about this)

Current Mood: distressed

I've been trying to potty train my two year old boy. We'll go and sit on the potty for about 10 minutes every hour or so.
But he won't "go" on the potty!
Yesterday, we were getting ready to take a shower, so I put him on the potty while I got the water ready. He sat there, and then told me he didn't have to go. So I said "ok", helped him down, and went to turn on the shower. When I turned back, he was standing in the corner of the bathroom peeing on the floor.
He takes off his diaper several times a day, and if I catch him in the act of peeing or pooing, I'll stop him and take him into the bathroom to sit him on the potty, but he won't finish going.
This morning, he took off his diaper and took a poo in the middle of the living room floor.
What on earth can I do to get this boy to go on the potty? He loves to sit on it, but he won't "do his business" there. Anywhere else, fine, but not there.
Help?

I just found the most amazing, helpful website and I wanted to share: www.sittercity.com. I've been struggling to find a competent babysitter for our 5-year-old who has autism and I found this site. There's a fee, but they have a free trial if you want to check it out (and if you just want to browse the listings, there's no charge.) You can enter all kinds of things into the search criteria to find a sitter near you, including age, experience (including for special-needs kids), price, first-aid certification, and background checks. Even when I entered a comprehensive list of criteria, I found over 50 listings, all local. I'll let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, I highly recommend you check it out!

*apologies for cross-posting*

Need help!

little miss trampledamage is starting kindergarten in September (yay!) and it's an all day school, but she'll be coming home for lunch. She'll only have an hour though. This is going to be a change of pace for both of us (and younger brother!) because up until now I've run the day as morning activities, then come home and relax while I figure out something for lunch, then relax some more before doing stuff in the afternoon.

Any suggestions of good things to make for lunch. There are no allergies or dietary requirements to be concerned with. It just needs to be easy (because I am no kind of cook), something I can prepare in advance - the morning before or, even better, the evening before and left in the fridge or something I can freeze and re-heat, also something filling but not too heavy - I don't want her falling asleep at school!

I'm having the usual real life = chaos problems at the moment so I'm not getting any time to get my head round this. So I need help :o)

Thanks all.

 I really enjoy music and it seems to have rubbed off on my 13 year old son. However when I want to take him to a concert with me he seems to shy away from the crowd scene. I asked him why and his response was... "you're kinda crazy and dance all the time." 

When I drop my son off at school and I have the music pumped up in the car my son has a tendency to roll the windows up or turn the stereo down as we approach the school. I asked him why he turned the music down and his response was... "it's kinda loud and I don't want my friends to hear what you are listening to."

My son's first concert was going to see Peter Gabriel (some of you probably don't even know who that is). He was 10 at the time. Most kids see "Barney and friends" as their first concert. 

I think it's funny that it's not HIP to be hip with your mom!

I had plans with a friend of my daughters and her family, to go to six flags on July 6th. We had these plans for months. Probably since March. Everything would have worked out prfect because her mother is pregnant and cant ride anything anyways. My husband doesnt like anything that spins.My son is only 47" tall, most of the good stuff requiring 48" or taller. Amber chickens out on a lot of things, so I thought being with her friend would help cure her fright. There were a million good reasons to go together. Tracy (the mother) mentions she is bringing her brother about 6pm on the 5th. Cool. Fine. Then she calls me at about 9pm..

( long story )

Hello there!

1. How old are you?
37 - 38 in about 19 days

2. How old is/are your child/children? (for the pregnant, use the number of months/weeks left to go)
twin girls - 10; boy - 3; girl - 1
3. Boy/Girl?
:) see above
4. Did you always want children, and were your children planned?
I was not really sure about having kids.

The Twins were not planned, but the other two were both sort of like, "let's see what happens." :)
5. Do you ever wish your experiences of parenthood were different? Why?
Every minute of it has been amazing (and stressful, hard, challenging...). If I could do it all over again, I would not listen more to my own heart/intuition than the words and comments of other so-called experts. After the twins I learned that there is no one perfect parenting style. So, yeah...just wishing I'd listened to myself more in the beginning.
6. What do you think your children will be like as adults/older children?
Well...I hope they will all be happy and healthy. ;)

The twins want to move to New York and design clothing and "do art." I have every confidence in the world that this will happen. They are determined young ladies. My son - not really sure. Maybe he will become a Buddhist monk...or skater dude. ;) The youngest will most like live in the wild woods, wearing long skirts and talking to the trees.

Or they will all live at home until they get a "real job." *giggle*
7. Name three things you wish for your children.
~ Confidence in themselves
~ Health - mental, physical, spiritual
~ The ability to keep hope alive when they feel things are hopeless
8. Which attributes have your children taken from each parent/family member?
Wow - good question.

It is hard for me to say something like, "oh, my son acts just like his father," because the kids have their own personalities. They have been "shaped" by all the people they've encountered in their life. We've tried to teach them about everything they encounter, so it can become part of their life history.
9. Did your experience differ from what you expected? How so?
I never thought being a parent was going to be easy, that's for sure. ;)

When I was pregnant with the twins I had this whole list of things I wasn't going to do as a parent. You know, like saying "I'll get you a candy bar if you stop screaming in the store." Sometimes you have to do what works. While bribery is not a main part of my parenting, there are times when you have to use what is available.

Like I mentioned above, my own inner parent is a good guide. When I stopped listening to her, and started listening to others, it seemed to change my parenting in a very bad way. Just because something looks good on paper (on a website, etc.) doesn't mean it is going to work for your kids...or for you. ;)

What still throws me for a loop is a certain amount of dogma that comes with parenting...and the "we are the abc group who does abc things...and we don't want your xyz group trying to infiltrate our way of thinking...because we are totally right...and you are totally wrong." We are all in this parenting boat together, and even if we don't agree on the "perfect way to parent," I know we all still love our children. ;)
10. Do you want more children?
Yes and no. I'd love to be around more kids, but pregnancy is hard on me. If a baby magically appeared on my doorstep, that would be cool.
---

Nice to be here!

1. How old are you? 21
2. How old is/are your child/children? 5 months
3. Boy/Girl? Boy
4. Did you always want children, and were your children planned? A bit hard to explain. When I was a little girl, I would be carrying around 5 dolls as my children and I would put a basketball under my shirt so that I could be "pregnant". I wanted children for a while. Then in high school, I changed my mind momentarily. I was having too much fun and wanted nothing to do with the idea. Once I graduated, I met an amazing man and he brought back that want for children and longing for a large family. My son, Nathan, was kind of planned. We had an unplanned pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage in 2007 (I had had a previous unplanned pregnancy that ended in miscarriage prior to that in high school, as well.) and we were both really upset about the miscarriage. We decided we'd just let fate take it's course and if it happened again, it happened. 2 weeks short of a year since the miscarriage, I got pregnant again, and had a very healthy and happy pregnancy.
5. Do you ever wish your experiences of parenthood were different? Why? I wish I could have had the vaginal birth that I really wanted. I made it to 8 cm (with no epidural! I am proud of myself for that because I really suck at dealing with pain!) when my son's heartrate dropped dramatically. They couldn't get it to go back up and I had to go in for an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. The cord was wrapped around his neck several times and the lower he went into the birth canal, the tighter the cord got. As for my parenting experiences, absolutely not. I love my son more than I could possibly explain, he has given me so much more than he can ever know and I cherish every single moment with him and would not change anything, no matter what the bargain!
6. What do you think your children will be like as adults/older children? Judging by his current personality, he is going to be very happy and extremely funny.
7. Name three things you wish for your children. First and foremost, I want my son to be himself and be happy and comfortable being himself. I don't ever want him to feel like he has to be a certain way. I want him to be him and that's all. Secondly, I know this is quite cliche, but I want him to dream big and do what he wants to do. Whether it be an Astronaut, Lawyer, Ballerina, Musician -- whatever. I want him to have the confidence to do it and achieve it and know that his parents are behind him 110%. Lastly, I want him to know that no matter what he does and will do in the future, regardless of the circumstances, good or bad, conventional or unconventional, his parents love him more than anything else in all the world.
8. Which attributes have your children taken from each parent/family member? He's an extremely calm baby, he doesn't cry or fuss much at all. He gets that from me. He's also a fantastic sleeper, which he definitely gets from his daddy. He laughs a lot, and he gets that from the both of us. Look-wise, it's really weird. One moment he will be a spitting image of his dad, the next he will be a spitting image of me.
9. Did your experience differ from what you expected? How so? Yes and no. When I was pregnant, I knew I loved my son. But I did not expect to feel this amount of absolutely unconditional, undying love for him. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that this is what being a mom would feel like.
10. Do you want more children? Absolutely. We want a minimum of 4, but if financial circumstances are right we'd really like 6.

( Pictures and an awesome video! )

Current Music: Redneck - Lamb of God

1. How old are you? 24

2. How old is/are your child/children? LB is almost 4 months

3. Boy/Girl? Girl

4. Did you always want children, and were your children planned? She's the best thing I never knew I wanted.

5. Do you ever wish your experiences of parenthood were different? Why? I wish we'd had a better birth experience...I planned a homebirth and ended up having a c-section. It was necessary but it made me a more fearful parent.

6. What do you think your children will be like as adults/older children? She'll be very active, and more socially than materially motivated.

7. Name three things you wish for your children. I want her to have a strong personal relationship with God, I want her to be kind, and I want her to be passionate about learning.

8. Which attributes have your children taken from each parent/family member? She has my hair, Daddy's luscious lips, and Gramma's eyes and face  shape.

9. Did your experience differ from what you expected? How so? Breastfeeding isn't really something that can be described.

10. Do you want more children? Yes, but not for another five years. I want a VBAC, and to lower my risk of another round of pre-eclampsia. I'm also not thrilled with the idea of chasing a toddler while pregnant, so I'm on the Mirena.

I'm moving tomorrow and I'm kinda excited about it. This is partially why:

Today my son disappeared with his toy truck. After a moment of silence I called him. He came running back and found interest in Dragon Tales.

Later that day it occurred to me that he had come back without his truck, so I went looking for it. I found it. In the hallway. Apparently he felt the need to go off roading...in the litter box.

*shiver*

I then sanitized him thoroughly. I don't mind dirt and have even found him with bugs in his mouth, but cat poop...yuck.

Don't get me wrong. Cats are the cutest critters ever, but their finicky and poop in box.

No cats where I'm going. Woot.

Current Mood: bouncy