We love dramarama, right

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:46:58 GMT

Title: Anthology
Pairing: Pete/Carl
Genre: Poetry
Rating: tame tame poetry.
Teaser: And now, once again it shines
A light so bright it burns my eyes
Glowing through the dusty blinds
Knocking away the years of lies
Summary: Poems about Peter&Carlos told from the POV's of Pete, Carl, Gary, John and Stan.

Pete- “Sparrow”

Late at night I hear the call
The empty song the sparrow sings
Telling me that when I jump I will not fall
With my dirty pretty thing.

What we’ve done means nothing now
Who we were has turned to dust
Swept off his hat and took a bow
Crumbling with the remains of trust

A trust which was barely earned
But after it all he stood by me
And through it all I never learned
How cruel our love could truly be

Needles, tears, blood and hate
Swirled together in an empty sink
Never stopped hearing that it was fate
Wouldn’t believe and wouldn’t think

And now, once again it shines
A light so bright it burns my eyes
Glowing through the dusty blinds
Knocking away the years of lies

The secrets we hold when we hold each other
The secrets the winter has of the spring
Holding so tight we can almost smother
The haunting song the sparrow sings.

Carl- “Chocolate”

It was clear he didn’t want to talk a lot
A first in regards to him
His eyes stared a mine, brown as chocolate
With every passing moment they seemed to dim

Why was I here if he hated me so?
Over the phone he’s sounded so scared
I’d do anything to comfort my doe
So to leave him alone I hadn’t dared

Slowly I saw that we had both grew
Farther apart, never closer together
I was the dragon the he once had slew
And he was my everlasting griffins feather

But those days are done
The lines has been crossed
Battles lost and battles won
And into the bin our dreams were tossed

I saw him in a different way
Now a man who didn’t talk a lot
And just as my vision started to stray
His eyes burned through mine like melted chocolate.

Gary- “Library”

I’d seen it through the stages
The love that they share
I’ve read over it’s pages
Taped them when they began to tear

Nothing to do but watch the fights
Stand in the back with my head bowed
Until one was hurt and cried to me at night
To watch them return, just as proud

This sickening circle of love as they say
A never-ending fight for power
Yet they play the guitar and mourn the day
When one of their hearts truly goes sour

When that day will come, nobody knows
With Pete’s harsh words
And Carl inwardly closed
Locked in the flight of birds

Won’t touch the ground
Beating their wings forever
But they will be found and unbound
From an eternity spent together

As I read them over and over
The words distort under my fingers
A book torn from its cover
And the scent of lust forever lingers.

John- “Funeral”

The glass they break cuts us too
Shards splintering on the ground
Through the grubby window their reason fled
And the force echoed all around

Every time I saw him cry
Quick, hot tears gone with the wipe of his sleeve
Part of me seemed to die
But he would never leave

My perfect friend, my beautiful boy
With hair so black and eyes so bright
His heart was only Peter’s toy
And he had it broken every night

We knew what Peter did behind his back
All the other boys he used
But telling Carl would take some tact
And nobody would break the news

So we watched, my fists balled tight
And tried to see how happy they were
Tried not to start a fight
The days passed in a blur

I stood in the corner
And saw them break
Wearing the black of a mourner
And not even attending the wake.

Stan- “Second”

I started as a replacement for the one he craved
Just a stand in man on stage
The real man would never be saved
No matter how pained the rage

The difference is clear
And not surprising at all
Before there was no fear
And now he’s afraid to fall

I can still remember when he first met
Drunk and spent after a show
His face was flushed and his hair was wet
Eyes down and head bent low

I knew their story of course
Saw the sadness etched in his face
My addition was not one of force
I seamlessly slipped into his place

Years of drunken nights have passed
And Carl never lets his wall down
But this Carl will last
And only privately does he ever frown.

Things We Said Today.

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:58:32 GMT

Title: Things We Said Today Part Fourteen or Fifteen.
Pairing: Pete and Carl.
Teaser: Maybe at this point he shouldn’t be too concerned with being a spectacle, but when it came to the Libertines the rules on everything changed.

XIV

Pete was looking forward to the Rhythm Factory. He could tell Carl was too by the nervousness in his eyes. The Rhythm Factory was like home. It was something comfortable and small and personal, not something that seemed like such a spectacle. Maybe at this point he shouldn’t be too concerned with being a spectacle, but when it came to the Libertines the rules on everything changed. Christ, wasn’t that the truth. All of his established values had gone to hell and everything else was reconstructed. He’d taken a peek out at the audience. There wasn’t room for this many people, he swore. Not that a crowd bothered him, in fact one less person and he might turn and run. It was just…what did they expect from him? From Carl? Were they looking for new songs or just the old favourites? Did they take this seriously or did they not believe they could get it together. They’d had it together once, hadn’t they? So why couldn’t they do it again? What was stopping them? He just didn’t want people to think this was another Hackney. Hackney had been amazing but it had been one night. The “reunion” night. He wanted this to be the “resurrection” night. Though they’d never really died had they? The only way the Libertines could die was with all of them, and even so the legacy would live on. No this was just another night in Albion with his band mates venturing into the unknown and hopefully for even a moment, Arcady. He already felt it bubbling inside him. Fear was tantalizing, really.

“Pete” Carl said coming up behind him “please fucking punch me”

“Carl, I’m not going to”

“Eh, wouldn’t be the first time. Not even the first time here! Go on, do it, knock some sense into me” he turned his cheek to Pete.

“Tim, Didz and Stan are here, Carl”

“Oh, alright, but Pete” he said pointing at him “before we go on-”

“Right, punch, got it” he smiled. Gary rushed off to go talk to John and Pete wandered over to Drew, Irina and Lisa. Lisa had Astile hiked up over her hip.

“Astile!” Pete smiled taking him from Lisa “didn’t know you were coming tonight!”

“Couldn’t find anybody to watch them” Lisa blushed “hope you don’t mind”

“Mind?” he smiled “why on earth would I mind?” he smiled putting him on the ground. He was too big to be carried around anyway.

“Got the outfit right I see” Lisa smiled

“Carlos and I coordinated”

“Fabulously” Irina agreed eyeing Pete’s leather jacket and jeans.

“Really what he means is all his suits are dirty so he thought it would be funny to steal Carl’s clothes” Drew added

“These are mine thank you” he said putting his leg out to show the hem skimming his ankle “granted they shrunk a bit in the wash”

“Face it, you’ve never bought the right length jeans” Lisa laughed

“Maybe I’ve just got long legs!” he protested

“Yes, and Astile does too” Drew pointed out

“Right, let’s hope he makes better decisions when it comes to trousers”

“Mummy, can we sit?”

“That’s probably a good idea. Say bye to Daddy” she smiled taking his hand.

“Bye Daddy” he waved as they walked away, grabbing Molly’s hand as they passed her by the door.

“I’m going with them. Break a leg Peter” Irina said kissing his cheek.

“Pete” Mik said approaching him “we’re going to sit, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks for coming” he said pulling Adam and Mik in together for a hug.

“No problem” Mik gasped for air.

“Pete” Drew poked him in the ribs with his elbow. Pete looked back at Carl. Anna had joined Didz and was whispering something apparently distressing to Carl who started towards Pete. “No, Pete, over there” Drew nodded trying to remain nonchalant.

“Pete, Annalisa’s here.” Carl said angrily “Pete…” Carl looked where Pete was looking. Kate was standing, laughing with some friends. She looked up over at Pete, and their gazes locked. Carl stayed quiet.

“She’s beautiful” Pete smiled at her, and she smiled back, widely. “You know, I’ve never felt like we’ve left things better than that” he was still smiling “just…a smile.”

“Go talk to her” Carl suggested quietly

“And ruin a good thing?” Pete put his arm around Carl. Carl breathed a sigh of relief and settled into Pete’s embrace.

“Carl” Didz tapped his shoulder “you know Annalisa’s here with someone, don’t you?”

“Right, of course she is. Why on earth would she come?” his eyes found her across the room. He smiled at her, but she looked down and turned away from him. “There, so much for my beautiful forgiving smile from across the room” he sighed. Anthony wandered over putting his arm around Didz’s shoulder.

“Are you drunk already Stan?” Didz laughed “what am I asking for? I know he is”

“Didn’t plan to be” he laughed “there just happens to be a lot more floating around then I though”

“A lot more floating around” Didz mocked “you do remember the Libertines, don’t you?”

“I’m gonna…sit”

“Right Stan, you go stand over there a moment and I’ll come join you” Anthony seemed not to mind that Didz was obviously about to start conversation related to him. He stood over by the curtain swaying helplessly. “It’s probably good he’s drunk”

“Why?” Pete laughed

“I dunno, must be weird, yeah? Watch you guys?”

“Fucking hell Didz, he’s fine. Stop trying to overanalyse people. Stan’s…Stan” Carl said wrapping both his arms around Pete and pulling him even closer. Pete smiled kissing Carl’s hair softly.

“Give him a hug, at least!” Didz urged.

“Aw fuck, Stan, c’mere!” Carl yelled. Anthony ran over tripping over his own legs and landing at Carl’s feet. Carl bent down to hug him and Anthony pulled him into a heap on the floor with him.

“Carl” Gary pulled at his jacket. Anthony looked up from the floor and the four Libertines and Didz standing around him. He blushed a deep red. They were the only 6 left back here who weren’t crew.

“C’mon Stan, let’s let them have their little ritual…or what have you” he picked Anthony up and started walking. Pete saw Anthony look over his shoulder at them, almost like he wanted a glimpse of them to compare his own short Libertines experience with. Didz seemed fine about the whole thing, but who really knew? Carl was shaking a little in his hands, though Pete wasn’t sure why. The whole thing was scary but knowing he and Carl, John and Gary were doing this on good terms was incredible. The only reason they couldn’t reunite before was the hostility. Too many things left unsaid, and too many fears. They weren’t in this for any other reason then The Libertines. If it were about anything else it wouldn’t be true to them, and they knew that. Many bands had done the reformation and tour but how many had really meant it? Pete wondered to himself as everyone around him huddled in, singing, laughing. How many people could fall back into something so comfortable? How many bands did reunite and now didn’t even speak before or after the show. From dressing rooms to stage. Old songs and no presence. That wasn’t what any of this was about. This was about the feeling he got the first time, and the last time, and all the moments he shared with these people. It was about the words and the meanings they’d held when they’d written them, he and Carl, and the meanings they held now. Some the same but some forever taking on new contexts. This was about the places they’d been together, and since. This was about liberation and melody and fuck – this was about The Libertines, it couldn’t be simpler.

Suddenly a weird silence rushed them. No scream, or chatter, or even the man walking to the microphone to say quietly

“I think we’ve got some little British band here tonight..." which was replied to with laughter "seriously though, I think someone might be taking the piss because I’d been told it would never happen. Ladies and Gentlemen, The fucking Libertines!” suddenly Pete’s ears started ringing and then exploded with cheers. He remembered the first time stepping out on this stage. He remembered the blur of faces and the blinding lights. Carl’s microphone too far from his own and his nerves bubbling in his stomach but his charisma winning out for the most part. It wasn’t like that now, it was different. Of course it was going to be. They were older, and everyone knew their story this time ‘round. They could see fans stuck breast to back trying to fit people where they shouldn't be so they could get a good look. Yes, it was different, but it was no less magical. Carl adjusted his guitar and looked in front of him. There was no microphone. He walked slowly to mid stage where Pete was stationed smiling widely.

“Must be fucking skint” Pete said ruffling his hair “could only afford the one microphone” the audience laughed and John and Gary, without warning crashed into ‘The Man Who Would Be King’. Carl bit his lip, laughing and leaning towards the mic as he caught the riff on his guitar. He looked up into Pete’s eyes

“Got another secret for you…”

Things We Said Today.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 02:41:17 GMT

Title: Things We Said Today Part Thirteen of Fifteen.
Pairing: Peter & Carlos.
Teaser: Pete ran at him wrapping his legs around him and kissing him.

XIII

Pete sat very still. Adam was staring at him sideways.

“You alright, mate?” he asked as the bus rocked on the uneven road.

“Pete!” Drew said reaching across and slapping him

“The fuck Drew?”

“Adam asked you a question”

“Sorry” he sighed “been a bit out of it”

“Or a lot”

“I’m dead tired” he yawned “haven’t been to sleep yet”

“At all?” Drew asked widening his eyes

“Drew’s reaction is correct!” Adam joked “seriously though, we’ve got a gig in a few hours, maybe you should try to sleep”

“I have tried” he groaned

“Ask Mik for some pointers” Drew said gesturing to Mik who was fast asleep, snoring in the seat next to him. Pete laughed but settled back looking out the window.

“Whatever it is mate, it’ll resolve itself, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks Ad” his mobile rang then “hullo?”

“Pete, I’ve only got a second”

“Carl where are you?”

“I’ve no idea. Didz where are we?”

“Austria”

“We left Austria weeks ago Didz!”

“Oh right, Scotland then”

“You’re all levered then” Pete laughed

“Don’t think Didz finds much a difference in the two just now”

“Oh well they are very similar, much the way I confuse Wales with Germany on a regular basis”

“Didz has been going from drink to drink all night" Carl tried to explain.

“Right”

“I have to go, but I just wanted to tell you I’m… you know”

“Yeah, I am as well”

“Good. Love you”

“Break a leg Biggles” click

“Wales and Germany, Pete?” Drew asked raising an eyebrow “Pete?”

“Pete?” Adam began to shake him. “He and Carl must have made up” he concluded

“Asleep, then?” Adam nodded.

***

“Living the bloody life” Carl concluded looking around his hotel room and climbing up on the bed. It was so large it made him look especially small, perched on his knees, hands down a mile deep in the comforter as he crawled across it.

“Glad you came”

“I was beginning to think you were purposely trying to get away from me, but here we are, same town and all” he said finally forfeiting and laying on his back

“Are you ready to not see me for the next… 4 months?”

“I’ve gone longer” he said stretching out

“Mmm” Pete agreed “so I can go have a drink tonight with my mates then?”

“No you fucking can’t!” Carl said grabbing his wrist. He pinned Pete down under him smiling as wide as he could. It was needless to say he was drunk anymore, Pete always just knew, and really had stopped minding.

“Well then” Pete said folding his arms behind his head “are you going to kiss me?” Carl did. His lips were sloppy but eager. Pete quickly readjusted, rolling on top of Carl and freeing his hands to tangle in his hair.

“Mmm” Carl nipped at Pete’s neck “fuck me, yeah?”

“Yeah” Pete said catching his lips.

“Please” Carl begged pulling at Pete’s shirt “too slow.”

“Carl!” a knock came at the door

“Fucking hell” he said trying to sit up but falling back “go away” he yelled his mouth buried in the mattress. Pete got up and went to the door

“Oh, hey Pete” Anthony looked around him to see Carl in a ball on the bed moaning into the mattress “he alright?” Pete smirked as Carl rolled over to reveal a massive hard-on. He threw a pillow at Anthony

“Fuck off!”

“Oh, sorry” Anthony blushed. Carl rolled off the bed and went to the loo, which emitted more awkward looks from Anthony. “I should go”

“No, it’s fine” Pete said pulling him back in “what did you come for?”

“Nothing”

“Well you must have come for something” Pete walked over to the table and pulled a bottle of Jameson’s off it, offering it to Anthony.

“Uh, I was going to… I thought”

“What is it? You knew we were here didn’t you?” Anthony shook his head “is it a problem?”

“No, it’s just well Lucie’s here”

“Oh” Pete nodded “alright. Well could I come with you then?”

“Yeah, of course’

“Are you still here?” Carl mumbled coming out

“Taken care of, love?” Carl scowled “your sister’s here”

“Which one?”

“Luc”

“You stay away” he said pointing at Pete

“I wasn’t going to-”

“You don’t come near us!” he warned “I haven’t told her”

“Carl calm down” it was Anthony who had said it, and Pete felt thankful

“Do you understand Stan? Of course you fucking don’t” he slammed the door behind him as he left.

“I’m sorry”

“Thanks” Pete mumbled “didn’t expect that” he played with his hands like a small child “I knew not to go up to Lucie and be a twat. Not to touch Carl. Not to be anywhere near them… didn’t know that’d happen”

“Aw, I’m sure he didn’t mean to be an asshole” Stan said reassuringly patting Pete on the back “so do you want to go find Gary and Didz then?”

“Yeah, thanks” Pete stopped for a minute at the mirror, noticing tiny little beads of water caught in his eyelashes. He smiled “don’t take this as me not being resentful because I’ll always be angry about it, but I’m glad…I mean, if it was anyone…and Carl never met you…”

“Yeah, thanks Pete” Anthony smiled “that means a lot.”

“Eh Stan!” Didz exclaimed “come meet Adam!”

“Where’s Carl?” Gary asked

“Lucie’s here” Anthony explained shaking Adam’s hand.

“Where are Mik and Drew?”

“Went for a pint” Adam said as Pete sat down next to him.

“Fabulous, want to go join them?”

“You guys want to come?”

“What about Carl?” Gary asked looking at Didz who’d already grabbed his jacket

“If the boy can’t be arsed to bring his sister down here then-” he stopped short, pulling his sleeves on

“Right” Pete smiled “he doesn’t want her to see me”

“Well why don’t we go then” Anthony said urging Gary up

“Are you sure you want to Pete, we’re leaving first thing in the morning, and you won’t see Carl again…”

“Lucie will probably stay in his room”

“Yeah, fine, let’s go” Pete said heading out the door.

“Pete?” Carl knocked on the door “Pete? I’m sorry, look you know what she’d think! You know what she’d say!”

“It was so long ago Carl” Pete said into his pillow, though not opening the door

“I know” he said leaning his face against the door “open up, please”

“Go to bed”

“What?”

“I’ll see you…in London”

“Please open up Pete, I’m leaving tomorrow. London’s 4 months away!”

“G’night Carlos” he said smothering his hearing with a pillow.

***

“Carl fancy a pint?” Didz poked at him “Carl?” he flipped him over, his eyelids were pulled down over his eyes loosely “Stan, c’mere a moment will you?”

“What?” Anthony asked with a toothbrush poking out of his mouth, toothpaste dribbling down his chin.

“Little help, maybe?”

“I’m going to bed” he said letting another blob of toothpaste loose

“I don’t know what’s wrong with Carl”

“Hold on” when he came back Didz had Carl sitting up, limp as a rag doll. “Maybe he’s just tired?” Carl’s eyes were fluttering now, his lips squished against Didz in almost a kiss. “Shit” he said ruffling his hair “what do you want me to do?”

“We could… I mean… I don’t know”

“Whepeya”

“Pardon, love?” Didz pulled Carl away from him as he began mumbling. He kept going, talking slow and speaking words Didz was sure weren’t English.

“I think he’s saying “where’s Peter”, don’t you?” Anthony said. Didz looked at him as if he were a genius.

“Of course he is! You want to talk to Pete?” he asked turning back to Carl. He nodded, eyelids still fluttering wildly. “Alright, we’ll call Pete, but first you have to tell me what you took. Are you just drunk?” Carl groaned “no, Carl, listen to me!” Didz took his face in his hand squishing his lips into a pucker again. “What did you take” he said each word slowly.

“I dunno” he concluded after a minute thinking

“Shit Carl” Didz yelled at him full on anger “you can’t fuck about like this! What if you’re fucking dying and we don’t know it?” he let go of his face pushing him back. Carl groaned trying to sit up but only managing to half balance on his elbows “I’m going to call Alan”

“Fuck off!” Anthony said pulling Didz away from him “you’re not calling anyone”

“Oh I see, empathetic Anthony. No one knows when you’re fucked over” he pushed his finger into Anthony’s chest hard “I’m not dealing with this now! He’s been perfect all week. Never too drunk, not mentioning Pete once. The last thing we need is an undiagnoisable bought of depression in the midst of the fucking tour!”

“Listen to yourself, its Carl”

“You look after him then”

“Didz” Anthony pleaded “why are you so upset?”

“We all miss our families, and significant others Anthony” they stood a minute in silence, Carl watching them though probably not listening, or at least comprehending “I’ll go get some water and phone Pete” he said quietly, leaving.

“Okay, c’mon Carl!” Anthony bounded on the bed, talking loudly “you alright? Sit up, c’mon” Carl did with Anthony’s help. “Is this because of Pete?”

“Wanna talk to Pete”

“Yeah, I know man, I know”

“It’s not because Pete. Wanna talk to Pete”

“Alright, alright, good” he rubbed Carl’s back “fucking great man because you know what, Didz’s gone to go get Pete”

“He’s here?”

“Well, on the phone”

“I’m sorry Stan. You guys weren’t suppose to come in here” his words still had to be deciphered carefully but Anthony was getting used to them. He was trying to say things very carefully and still talk like himself so Carl was comfortable though he doubted he could be in that fit of broken posture.

“Lucky we did, alright? Do you know what you took?” Carl shook his head

“Pills” was all he said

“Where’d you get those, and why weren’t you offering them around?” Anthony laughed

“You want one?” Carl went for his breast pocket of his jacket, missing it several times before managing his way in.

“Shit, thanks” Anthony laughed taking the pill. Didz would have had a nasty look on his face about that but Anthony figured it might put him in a place closer to where Carl was.

“I got…I got 2 more” he said handing one to Anthony who promptly took that one too.

“Aw, I think you’ve had enough” he said taking the one Carl was balancing on his tongue away before it slipped down his throat.

“I had…6…10” he counted “no 8…defiantly 7” he concluded

“Right well that’s 7 too many… or at least 5…”

“Carl, I got you some water” Didz said balancing his mobile between his head and shoulder, handing Carl the water and Anthony a glass of what he found out was vodka.

“This is what he took” he handed the pill to Didz who looked it over and swallowed it

“Right, I have Pete on the phone Carl. Thanks Pete” he handed the phone to Carl who was now limply holding the phone and his water.

“Why’d you take that pill?” Anthony asked him

“Cause I know you must have already taken one if you had it as evidence”

“Peter?”

“You alright Carl? Didz said you’re-”

“Hey guess what?”

“What?”

“2 weeks”

“2 weeks” he said softly

“Why are you talking like that?” Carl asked looking incredibly confused to Didz and Anthony “what’s wrong?”

“Carl”

“You’re being fucking stoic” he scoffed “fuck you’re high aren’t you?”

“You’re one to talk!”

“Fucking junkie!” Carl yelled

“Carl, Christ!” Didz lunged for the phone “Pete? Pete, no he doesn’t mean it”

“Put that fucker back on the fucking phone right now!” he yelled in Didz’s ear

“He’s fucking high!” Carl said standing up and sweeping the lamp off the table, it hit the wall and smashed before falling to the floor.

“Whoa, Carl, how do you know that?”

“Cause he’s so quiet and emotionless”

“Put that fucking hypocrite on the phone Didz!” Pete was yelling

“Carl, talk to him” Didz urged as Anthony tried to steady Carl from falling which he did anyway (on top of Anthony)

“Fuck, you fucking-”

“I’m not fucking high you son of a bitch!” Carl’s replied yells weren’t words at all, but various masses of mumbles increasing and decreasing in volume. “You maniac”

“Why aren’t you happy to hear from me then” Carl finally got out in a whole sentence

“You’re insane. I’m going Carlos”

“Answer me!” he breathed heavily sitting up realizing finally he was on Anthony.

“I’ve got someone here” Pete said after a million years of silence

“Wolfman?” he slurred “one of your dealer friends?”

“Her name’s Lisa”

“Lisa Moorish?” Carl asked wiping the hair away from his eyes

“No” Pete said simply

“Who is it?!” Carl found himself yelling

“I’m sorry Carl, I have to go”

“Pete!”

“Call me when you’re sober”

“Pete!” but he’d already hung up. Carl ripped the door to the balcony almost off it’s hinges and threw the phone over the railing

“Hey that’s my mobile!” Didz screamed. Anthony went straight to Carl keeping him away from the railing as they were on the 12^th floor.

“What happened?” Anthony asked

“Something good I hope. Now how will Anna get a hold of me?”

“We’re meeting up with her tomorrow Didz calm down” Anthony said sitting Carl down.

“He’s fucking shagging some Lisa bird” Carl said angrily

“Did he say that?”

“It wasn’t Lisa!” Carl said pushing Anthony away from him “even if it were, he’d probably be shagging her too”

“Carl, did he say he was shagging her?”

“Fuck, do you think I’m stupid Stan?”

Carl walked to the venue with a guitar in one hand and sunglasses over his bloodshot eyes. It had been 2 weeks and he remembered distinctly Pete telling him to call but he couldn’t bring himself to. He was still too disgusted with him. The familiar look of London was comforting but still it was sad. Tomorrow he had to meet Pete, no matter what. Pete had been staying at his new flat. In my bed with that fucking slut! He’d have to see him if he wanted to tell him off, or if he wanted to make up which right now he didn’t.

“Carl, “dressing rooms” are that way” Didz pointed as he passed Carl in the hall

“Thanks” he mumbled. He walked in and where the band should have been Pete was. He was smoking a cigarette casually. Carl set his guitar down loudly which made Pete turn to look at him. Carl decided the best approach was act like nothing happened. Nothing including the relationship. He went to the table and took the bottle of Jameson’s off, opening it.

“Sobered up finally then?” he asked

“For the time being” he said taking a drink “I’m on it though”

“I didn’t shag Lisa”

“Right”

“Right” he said matter-of-factly “I’d hope you’d believe me”

“So what was it then? Surprise party?”

“Aw caught me then” he smiled “she was just over having tea”

“Right”

“Right” he said again. They sat in silence for a few moments before Carl spoke.

“So why were you so weird on the phone then?” expecting to have caught him, obviously though Pete had the right answer immediately

“Didz told me on the phone, before he gave it to you, you were breathing weird” he started speaking in a very odd tone. He was obviously uncomfortable “that you couldn’t open your eyes all the way and that you weren’t speaking clearly. I was scared to death that I wasn’t with you, that you might die Carlos. Maybe I’m a fucking junkie” he leaned forward and whispered the words. Carl blushed. “But I thought you were dying over the phone. I didn’t want to talk to you, and Didz said I had to or you wouldn’t say what you’d taken so…”

“So I’m a proper arse” Carl sighed

“Pretty much, yeah”

“Fuck” Carl was laughing though tears were seeping slowly from his eyes “I’ve not seen you for 4 months and that’s the first memory I’ve got of you, shit”

“Go out and come back in”

“What?”

“Remember that day I woke up before you?” Pete asked smiling “let’s do that, only this time you just walk into the room again. But look surprised!” he said shoving Carl out

“Pete”

“Shush, come in.” Carl came in and shut the door and Pete ran at him wrapping his legs around him and kissing him. Carl fell against the door and onto the floor.

“Fuck” he laughed rubbing his back

“Shush” Pete cooed kissing him. Carl let him this time full on letting his anger and sadness melt away. He kissed his way down Pete’s neck; playing with the zip on his trousers “Carl” he moaned “you’ve got a gig”

“Don’t care”

“Yeah, you do” Pete said, though it was the hardest thing to say.

The first Libertines rehearsal ever hadn’t been so smooth really but this time around it was like magic. They’d agreed to meet at the rehearsal space Dirty Pretty Things usually used as following the tour Anthony had gone home to see his family and Didz and the gang had gone to Reading. Pete knew it was going to be magic the moment he walked in. Carl and he had come together, Carl in a particularly good mood, and had found John playing bass sitting atop an amp. It seemed like forever since Pete had seen him play the thing and he was so natural at it. Whatever it was he was playing, it was fantastic.

“Finally!” he said excitedly. Oh and how Pete loved to see John excited rather than standing emotionless. “Gary said he was on his way, he’s just grabbing some beer.”

“Fantastic” Carl smiled opening his guitar case.

“What were you playing John? It’s lovely” Pete smiled taking his jacket off and throwing it over the sofa.

“I was thinking…with your song?”

“Bloody fantastic!” Pete exclaimed grabbing his guitar in a second. John smiled from Pete to Carl with their guitars.

“Yeah, we’ve got it the right way ‘round” John laughed. Carl blushed, Pete dove into the song. Half an hour later Gary showed up. He seemed genuinely excited jumping on the kit before anyone had time to greet him. After the sun had finally gone down they decided on taking a drinking break, which seemed really unnecessary as they had been sipping beers all through the rehearsal. They all sat cross-legged on the floor, Carl still with his guitar picking out random phrases of nothing.

“So where’ll we play first?” Gary asked taking a drink.

“Right” John sighed “so many venues, all with their own memories”

“Of course the best one’s off limits” Pete said like everyone knew just where he meant, and truth was they did; The Albion Rooms.

“Couldn’t get a real show going there, though”

“Would be perfect if we could though”

“Heart breaking more like” Carl said still strumming and looking down.

“Rhythm Factory, Forum, Boogaloo, Brixton, Hackney, i could go on...for hours…”

“Royal Albert Hall” John offered to everyone’s amusement

“We could do it you know” Carl said “but it wouldn’t be like the Libertines. It would be like…”

“Someone trying to put some distance between the stage and the crowd” Pete nodded

“Unless such loyal fans would care to rush the stage” Carl raised an eyebrow

“Fuck off, I didn’t provoke that!”

“Seriously” John laughed “where do we play?”

“Trafalgar square!” Gary nodded “there’s no barrier there, hell people who don’t even know the Libertines get to walk by and hear it”

“In the middle of the fucking night!” Carl agreed

“Yeah, i see no flaw in that plan”

“Right” Gary sighed resting his chin on his palm.

“The roof of-”

“Aw fuck off John” Pete laughed

“I think” Carl said tapping his lip thoughtfully “I think Brixton”

“Really? Even after…I mean Hackney's-”

“Yeah Brixton” suddenly Carl’s mouth turned up at the corners “then we rush over to the Rhythm Factory with those kind enough to stay”

“Fantastic” John said smiling not asking why he’d chosen those venues. Sure the other venues housed some of the more painful memories. Ones that had even been happy at the time but later just hurt. Like the Freedom Gig, for example. Some venues had closed. But every venue had some baggage. They’d fought and laughed everywhere in this fucking town now.

“Right, so can we establish that, then?”

“Pretty central” Pete tapped his chin “everyone who’s been to a gig’ll know where to find us. Sentimental bits of nostalgia. No, I don’t like it”

“Fuck off” Carl laughed as Pete smiled

“Give me that guitar” he said grabbing it and starting to play Death on the Stairs. Everyone sang along.

The rehearsal didn’t end until very early in the morning. The only reason they left was because they’d been kicked out. Carl and Pete decided a nice long walk would do them good so they walked John home before taking a cab back. Gary who had been far more tired than the rest had taken a cab straight home.

“I missed being close to John” Carl sighed “not that I didn’t see him but I mean a band kind of closeness”

“I did too” Pete smiled at Carl who was undressing somehow with excitement, pulling his trousers down before he took his boots off.

“Fuck” he laughed “little help”

“Well alright, but only this once."