ADD A YOUNG AUTHOR

dark knight.


that is all.

Okay, person A in italics, B in bold. thoughts are there, and words are in quotation marks.


“Do we really need a definition?”
“Yes.”
“I really don’t like defining people. It’s a tricky sort of business. You know, I don’t think people are really so definable-”
“Oh would you stop babbling? And plus you love defining. It’s what you do.”
“No it’s not… I mean, well yes, I do enjoy it, but not with people, with things. I like things. I don’t like defining people. It’s… it’s too dangerous. It’s offensive to them mostly. And plus what’s the point? I mean, why should we? We know who we are, and why must everyone know what they are?”
“But we don’t know who we are together.”
“I hadn’t thought—We’re friends. What else would we be? I mean, we’re not not-friends are we?”
“Oh, of course we’re friends.”

You’re simplicity has always aggravated me, if we’re going to be completely honest here. You never feel the need to talk more than necessary and it’s possibly the most infuriating thing about you. How can you manage to get out a more powerful sentiment in five words than I can after studying the dictionary? By the way, it’s the one you got me for Christmas 3 years ago: the really excellent Oxford one.

I’ve never understood your need for so many words. You babble. At a certain point it starts to loose all meaning.

“Then why did you bother to ask? To frustrate me? What about that is so funny to you? I’ve never been able to figure out why you always do it. So is there an explanation?”
“I didn’t ask to make you angry.”

I totally did. I don’t know why I did. I love to aggravate you. I never know why I do it, but I love it. It’s sick and disgusting. I can’t stop. I’m sorry.

Liar. I always know when you’re lying. I always do. I just don’t know why I can never call your bluff.

“Then why did you bother to ask? To kill time? Because that’s what it always feels like anymore. That we are just… just killing time. And I don’t want to be someone to kill time with. I can’t do that anymore.”

My vocal cords will not move. Not a sound will come out. I can think of a million things to say, but damn it! My mouth will not make the sounds.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. I did not mean to say that. I wouldn’t have said something so stupid. It just came out. I want to gobble up all the words I have just said. I don’t want to leave, but now I know I’ll have to if you don’t tell me not to. You have to tell me not to. Tell me to stay! What have I done?
Why aren’t you saying anything? Is this how you feel? Oh why didn’t I just go to that stupid movie you wanted to see? Nothing good has ever come of just waiting and talking until it was an appropriate dinnertime. Oh this was stupid. This was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
This is exactly why I don’t play chess. I can’t seem to foresee anything until it smacks me dead in the face. I have very good hindsight. Too bad that is the least helpful quality in the world. I’ve just set fire to the bridge haven’t I?

“I’m not killing time!”

I didn’t mean to shout. I was over zealous. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I really did want to spend time with you.

“I just want to understand we’re walking in the same direction. That was lame. That’s why I asked about defining us though. I just don’t want to get too attached. There’s a quote; ‘To become attached to-‘“
“Whoa! The quoting, that’s my territory. And even if you are quoting Guatama Buddha, it doesn’t… I don’t know. I’m…”

The fact that I have nothing to say waltzes though my mind. It’s a perfectly annoying thought. I have the greatest desire to sit down and not say anything. I think you would take that wrong though. I know you would. I know you like that.
I actually want to cry. I’ve never wanted to cry this badly in front of you. I won’t though. I won’t do it. I can’t do it.

“Finished. I am finished.”

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

“I… I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m sorry. I’ll go if you want me to. I… this is so messed up. I don’t even know. I’m. AHHHH!”

I didn’t mean to scare you with the screaming. I’m just so frustrated.

“If you want to leave, you should.”
“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I just don’t know how to do this anymore. It’s awkward and it never used to be. And I have no idea what to do about it. I know how to fix things. I like fixing things.”
“I know.”
“You know everything about me. I love that. I love the way your skin feels. It isn’t like anyone else’s. I don’t know how, but it is.”

I couldn’t resist touching the goose bumps that had formed on your arms. My cold fingers only made you shiver though. That’s how I knew it was time for me to leave.

“I don’t want to be your burden anymore.”
“Oh would you stop that?”
“What? I’m just saying how I feel. Do you want me to stop that too?”
“No, what I want is for you to stop being so damn passive aggressive! Yell at me. Stop acting like everything that happens to us is my fault. Sometimes, I feel like you don’t give a damn about me. You just are comfortable with this. You my constant attention, but you don’t give me the time of day when you have something better to do.”
“Fix me then. You make me who you want me to be.”

I shouldn’t have slapped you. I’m very, very sorry. You were being a jackass, though. You deserved it.
You know what? I’m tired of apologizing for things I don’t want to. You should have been slapped for what you said.

“I don’t want to change you! Why don’t you just think about me for one second? You leave me for other people and you always expect me to be there for you. Do I not even cross your mind when you’re with them? I’m tired of waiting for you when you’re not here.”
“You’re the one who left in the first place.”

I couldn’t say anything. How dare you throw that back in my face? How could you have said that? Do you think I didn’t miss you? I would not let those tears rise above the surface. No. They’re not for you. That comment does not deserve my tears.

“If I always do the leaving, then you know what? I’m going to leave. This was a dumb idea. I should have known we couldn’t do this anymore. We’re not who we used to be.”
“No I am. You’re the one who’s changed.”
“That is absolute bullshit. You’ve changed too. And I don’t know why you’re so bitter. I don’t get it. Why you’ve become so callous and cruel I couldn’t guess. I have only one question though. Is it all directed at me? Am I the only target of you malice?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do.”
“Look, let’s just drop it. We can go to that arty movie about the kites if you want. I’ll buy.”
“No. I want to know what the issue is so we don’t have to do this again.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“I think it is. You’ve just accused me of causing our friendship to fail about five times in the last ten minutes. So I’d really like to know, unless you just hate me.”

Honestly, where do you get off? This just wasn’t something that worked anymore. It had gone to far to be fixed. I never mind silence, but the awkward pauses that used to be filled up with your laughter broke my heart every time they pressed up against my ears with a pressure enough to make my head explode.

“Just go.”
“Fine. You were a great friend for a little while. Hope everything goes well. Don’t call.”

Then you walked away. And you changed your numbers. Eventually I think you moved away. I wish I could swallow my pride and look for you, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I sincerely hope you all the best now, wherever you are. I always knew that friendships ended, I just never thought ours would.

my aunt from the military is here, and she brought her 3 cats. they're so cute. she rescued all of them

Uh, yeah. Reeks of "hidden catch". Now, if Yahoo only had a "report mail" thing...

Let's talk about my day.

I'm petitioning against building cities in the state of Colorado.

There is going to be a new law that all lights should be out by eleven at night: especially if the moon is full.

And. If you have a view of the mountains fucking - fucking take care of them, okay?



I'm at my shitty uncle Paul's house but I must say, the view from his window is beautiful. I'm in the living room at the moment and just sitting on his futon, waiting for my girlfriend to fall asleep because I stole the house phone without his permission to call her (no cell service, plus I'm a dumbass and forgot my cell charger). It's so gorgeous out here. I can see the mountains behind a veil of fog and it's just...breathtaking.
How could anyone want to build homes that destroy the view?

I understand wanting to see it but. With the way people are building nowadays, soon enough there are going to be houses on every inch of those mountains. I...I don't want to see that. It's going to make me really sad.

Mountains are beautiful.

I wish we'd take better care of them.




Oh, yes, and just so we're all aware~
I deserve a "best girlfriend EVUR" award. I could get kicked out of my uncle's house for talking on his phone. He hates kids, and more specifically, he hates me. He said I could use the phone as long as I used it, well, responsibly. I asked my dad what that meant and he said, "when ever he doesn't know about it." So I took that as my dad's kay-oh to call missxretro and chat before we fell asleep, or more specifically, she fell asleep. So I'm talking really low, trying to make sure he won't find out and then all of the sudden I hear a crack. Of course I immediately think it's his door opening so I freak and check and sure enough, his door is cracked (mind you I have no idea if it was before). So I run outside, facing coyotes and a pissed off cat. Then I slowly edge inside and have been kind of sitting stationary, waiting for her to drift off to sleep.
But you know what makes it all worth it?
Hearing her sleep drenched voice say she loves me.
It's really the fucking cutest thing in the world, okay?



Okay, I'm done.
And LJ cuts are so last year. I'm only gonna use them for really long journals, like if I'm totally rambling, or writing pieces.
K BAI NAO~~

    Good day, bad night.

    I got a call from the owner of Godfather's, a place I had applied to, asking me to come in tomorrow at 5 to fill out paperwork.  Which I'm assuming is me getting a job?  I mean, wtf else would that mean?  So that's probably the highlight of my day, pretty pathetic huh?
    I went over to Danielle's to celebrate.. which meant driving to Arby's and getting a meal for the both of us.  Oh yeah, we enjoyed that.  I love Danielle, she's a really good friend to have around.
    I then went over to Nick.. my ex boyfriends.. to pick up his now girlfriend Alex, who is one of my good friends.  It's a crazy background story that I don't feel like re-telling when I already have it in a journal.  Anyways, I let her drive for a while since she doesn't have a car and she likes to drive.  We went to see Lexa, then went to see how late La'James Hair College stayed open, then got gas, then went to her Gramma's, then went to get food.  We basically talked about sex all day.

    At around 9:30 I started to drive home from Alex's grammas, and it started pouring rain.. I mean POURING.  I could not see the road at all, and by the time I decided it was time for me to pull over and stop driving I was already near Nile's house so I just pulled into his neighborhood and parked by his house to wait for him to get home. 
    When he got there, he ran out of his car and into his garage to grab trash bags and some duct-tape, because his back left window is only half way up.. the motor had died out.  So I got out of my car, and was literally already drenched in about 15 seconds.  I stood there for a bit, watching what he was doing, then got into his driver seat of his car and sat there.  He didn't really acknowledge me.. he was just working on his window frantically.  Which I understand, I mean.. it was a fucking monsoon, I wouldn't want my car to flood either.  I asked if I could help and he sharply replied "no".
    After about 2 minutes of trying to tape the bag on there he gave up because everything was too wet.  He decided to go to a parking garage so he could have a dry place to fix his window.  I asked if he'd want me to come along or not and he said, "I don't really care.  Do what you want."  God.. Nile, I know you're frustrated but could you care just a teensy bit?  I decided to go despite his mood, because I know that me having a cell phone might be handy, since he didn't have one.
    While we were driving there we had driven through some pretty nasty puddles that came up to the half of his tires, and when we got to the mall parking lot he tried to drive through one that went over the hood of his car.  By doing that, he flooded his entire engine, and it started to steam.  We pulled into  a covered area and stopped the car, and he began to repair his window.
    Before getting out, he had asked if I wanted a cigarette... I kind of glowered at him and said no, basically in a whisper.  He asked what was wrong, I said nothing.  He asked again, I said nothing, please don't ask me right now, please fix your window.  He continued to do so, and when he finished he got back in his seat and we sat there in silence.  He pulled out a cigarette for himself and this time, I took one.  Things started to get better.. we talked, about nothing in particular.  I got better, because even though he can be a dick.. he still makes me feel good.  But I had mentioned something like, "lets go back to your place, take off our clothes, put them in the dryer, and cuddle under the covers" and he had told me that he couldn't do that, because he had to go to bed to get up for work tomorrow.  And even though that's a reasonable.. reason.. I still felt a twinge of pain in my body.  I hate being away from him, I hate being rejected.  I should really stop bringing that on myself.  I really should stop asking for anything, because I usually get turned down.
    Anyways.. his car wouldn't start, so we sat there in long silences broken by stupid sentences and then continued with long silences again for about 50 minutes before his friend came to help us out.  Right when his friend got there, Nile's car started.  So he drove me back to my car.. we said our goodbyes, did our kisses, did our iloveyou's and I left.  He knew I was mad/upset when I left, he told me not to be.. I just nodded.

    I can't keeping letting bad things happen, I have to start being happy.  I want this relationship to last.
 

 So yesterday was fun.  I worked at camp, which went like usual, so whatev.  Then I got home and was ready to go work at the daycare, so I was just hanging out watching tv when my phone rings.  It's my aunt (the one who also works at the daycare) and she's like, "do you wanna not come in today?"  I was like... hell yeah?!  So I didn't have to work!  I sat on my couch and watched A Haunting at 2, fell asleep halfway, then slept 'til 7:30.  Greatest nap ever.  I had to go to the doctor at 8, so I had to wake up, but eh.  Sleeping was so fun.  I don't do it enough.

Today at camp it was water day.  What great fun, naht.  Mum and I had to do Water Balloon Toss, which wasn't too bad, but the volunteers lost half of the balloons when the bucket they were carrying to us broke, so we had to scale down the balloon activities because we barely had enough.  But it wasn't too bad, the kids had fun.  And again, I was outside in the hot sun for three hours and got NO color!!  What the hell I'm doomed to be pale as hell my whole life!  Not that I mind, because I don't think I look bad, but it's pretty ridiculous that no matter how much I go outside I never get even a little tan.  Not cool.

I came home and went to the orthodontist.  Then we all went to Kohls to look for clothes and stuff, then Papa Gino's.  There is the cutest boy ever working at Papa Gino's and I plan to bang him, just so you all know...  Then we went to KMart and I found these kick ass blue raspberry Twizzlers.

Now I'm here.  Mmhmm.

 I have sosososo many, but I think my absolute all time favorite is maybe Johnny Cade from The Outsiders.  I have no idea why, but I love him more than like, anything in the world.  The poor kid went through so much and had such a sucky life that ended too soon and I just wanna hug him and make everything better.

And Dodger from Oliver Twist.  Just 'cause he's the COOLEST.

Dumbledore probably tops off my least favorite list, because he is an ass.

It all just blew up in my face.
And I didn't even do anything fucking wrong.

[Edit 6:13 p.m.]
Breathe. Just gotta breathe.
I freaked out prematurely.
But really? It was just his snake words clouding my better judgment, and I momentarily stumbled under his manipulative, vindictive charms.It's okay...because I'm not coming out of this alone.

Not one bit.

Okay, so, taste of edmonton starts the 18th. Which is tomorrow. And Capital Ex started today. So, yeah, they're on at the same time. So, if we went to Churchhill square or whatever, in the morning, or like, around 11. We could have lunch there, and then take ETS or LRT to Kdays, at like noon. And stay till what, 6 or 7? And then go to someones house after. That'd be fun.  
Okay, so, if we're at churchhill square. We go to the "Churchhill Station". Stop #1691. We take the Clareview and then get off in like 7 minutes, at the colesium station #1742. And then, to get home, we go back to church hill square, and then take the 1 right to forest heights. If we go on the 25th, it says that you're supposed to wear red. And if we do we get into kdays early and a helicopter flies over to take a picture of all the red people. I kinda wanna go on a weekday, cause weekends will be crazy busy, and i won't be in town anyway.
With someones parents, we could go to the fireworks one night. 






i haven't seen melissa in like, 3 weeks.
 

 OK, so here's chapter two from Benji's POV. I must say, I like writing Benji more than Eve. He's rude, which is fun to write because I wouldn't dream of being that mean. Well, he's not completely mean, just meaner than me. But anyway, I have this chapter, and I have a preview of a rather long one-shot I'm writing. I'm thinking it's going to be between 15 and 20 pages. Hopefully I can cut it down. I'm on page 8 and it's only 1/3 of the way through. So let's see how this goes. Here is chapter two:


And here I have a preview of my one-shot, tentatively titled either Double the Trouble or Double D's. I don't really like either title, but whatev. Here:

"No offense, dude," I say, "but you're a dude."
He blinks. "And why would that be a problem?"
"That means you've got as much fashion sense as a gorilla."
He barks out a laugh. "And you're better?"
"Touché ."

It's not much. Just a little random excerpt. But it's fun to write, and hopefully I'll finish soon, and then I can get back to RaRC. Until next time.

Cheers,
Raven

maybe  i'm jsut PMSing, but if it ends with me and michael i don't think I'd be very upset. I think i want him to end it, cause i promised i wouldn't this time. If he does, I'll just be really awesome for grade 9 and things will be fine,

Seriously.
I love sex.

Meki walked into the FB lounge and laid splayed out on the sofa. "I'm beat."
( read more. )

4,091 / 5,000 (81.8%)

I didn't really write much today. I was going to try to get to 5k, which I did want to get to, but whatever. I'll get there some day.

edit: also updated this list which will honestly probably never ever be updated to be exactly ever right. I buy too many damned book.

( warning: very long list of blogthings )

The game is set.
The dominoes are all lined up
in a nice pretty row.
All out in the open.
All out on the table.

Motion.
Movement.
Down goes the first.

And let the pieces fall where they may.
The battle's only begun.

It's been hell of a long time since I last posted ): I've been gaming the whole time, really. Ever since the PNE interview which was on... the fourth. I'm back now! You see? And I'd like to apologize for not being active for so long without any notice of what I was up to.
What games have I been playing? Harvest Moon DS Cute, Touch Detective, The World Ends With You, and Imagine: Master Chef. My favorites are HMDS cute and TWEWY.

I'll make-up all the missed summer prompts with the second part of Let Me Tell You and a life.style drabble.

I got an email from the PNE the other day --on the fourteenth-- about an interview for the Handstamper position. If I get the job I'll have to stand in the sun for hours and happily stamp hands, a smile on my face and beads of sweat coming down my face. I might not have enough stamina for that, but I'll do my best and push myself! (Pushing myself seems to work well)

Nothing else has happened, really. My bookworm summer is turning into a gamer's summer and I kind of like it... Phantom of the Opera all the way, though! I must finish that book o_o; (the last time I read it was June)

Now, I'm off! I have to shove Mama off the phone so I can call the interview woman about my interview.

I'm going off to Singapore tomorrow, which means no internet till Saturday! :0 Oh well, I need a break too, from everything.
Click below only if you wish to read a disturbing post about my life. LOL, it's not that serious or anything, I just wonder how my mind works sometimes... 

 
And I read the spoilers for Season Nine of CSI. A rush of emotions - the OMGWTF?! stage, the YOUCAN'TBESERIOUS! stage and then finally the *Sigh* stage. (Shock, denial and acceptance) Not happy at all. More than unhappy, more like... devastated? Yes, devastated is the word, LOL.