x-posted to
samurai_ko's LJ...
I tripped over today's prompt from the
31_days community and this just came out:
Prompt = Blood and bone and a little bit of night music
"Holding Her Together"
She does not speak as she prowls the corridors of the Vatican. On the surface, she seems serene, but her movements betray her, be it her reflexively clenching hands, the slightly-too-abrupt movement of her head as she glances around her, or the barely perceptible swaying of her body as though moving to some rhythm only she can hear. As Sister Johanna steps outside into the gardens of the Vatican, she does not pause as per her usual habit. Instead, she runs her fingers through her long hair as the wind tosses it around her face, blowing it across her eyes, momentarily obscuring her face.
For the last hour, she has resisted the impulses building inside of her, the almost compusive need to move, to run, to escape, but the emptiness inside of her at last has driven her outside, away from the quiet refuge of her room.
Then a hand comes to rest on her shoulder and she whirls around, nearly giving in to the urge to shriek. But then she registers the presence of Father Leon, his dark eyes concerned and his face somber.
He does not remove his hand, even though he can clearly see that she wants to be away from where she is. She is trembling, but he does not know why.
"What's wrong?" It takes an effort to keep his voice low and gentle, instead of his usual boisterous tone.
"I... I...." She shakes her head, her hair rippling around her shoulders as she does so. Then she lets out a frustrated sigh, and clenches her hands again. "I... need a favor."
"You?" He's surprised - it's not in Johanna's nature to admit she needs help, although he's not been able to decide if it's because of pride, or because of a fear of rejection.
She nods once, but doesn't meet his eyes directly, and Leon senses that this is hard for her, whatever it is.
"Well... what do you need?"
For a moment, she remains motionless, her body radiating tension, her eyes gauging him and his reaction. Then she seems satisfied with what she sees, because she abruptly steps forward, wraps her arms around his waist, and tightly embraces him as she hides her face against his shoulder. She feels his startled response as he almost steps away from her, but she holds tightly to him, feeling hard muscle and rough skin under her hands and her cheek. All at once, the effort of holding back the tremors becomes too much, and her entire body begins to shake as the first sobs finally work their way up from her chest.
"Please..." she whispers, her voice cracking as the tears start to flow. "I..."
Thankfully, he understands, and she feels two strong arms wrap around her, holding her close. He becomes her anchor, and she willingly draws on the strength that he offers as she lets the facade of control shatter. She clings to him, the only reality for her being the solid warmth of him. His heartbeat is strong against her cheek, and the scent of him fills her lungs as she inhales with each gulping, sobbing breath.
She does not dare to unclench her fists where they rest against his shoulderblades, because she fears that if she does, she will dig them into him in a misguided, desperate attempt to hold him even closer. So she keeps them tightly closed, instead holding on with her arms until they tremble.
She squeezes her eyes more tightly closed, and wills herself to remember how it felt to hold her husband like this, how it felt for him to hold her when it seemed the world was going to break her. But that memory fades a little more each day, until finally she realizes that she has almost forgotten how it feels to be held... to be protected against the world. But something has drawn her to the only other person who would understand.
And so Leon holds Johanna, holding her in his arms as though holding her together as she sobs out the loneliness she can no longer deny to herself
Michelle
aka
Samurai_ko