party like a rockstar

a7x_slashness @ 2008-07-26T17:27:00

2008-07-26T22:42:43Z

Title: Hell In A Handbasket
Author: Hybryd
Fandom: A7X/Slipknot...with some Linkin Park
Pairing: Zacky/Syn, Zacky/Syn/Chris
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Mick and Chris's friendship has been falling a part for years, causing tension within the band, and events on the new tour aren't helping things

#0 Sid Wilson-DJ
#1 Joey Jordison-Drummer
#2 Paul Gray-Bassist
#3 Chris Fehn-Percussionist
#4 James (Jim) Root-Rhythm guitarist
#5 Craig Jones-Sampler
#6 Shawn Crahan-Percussionist
#7 Mick Thomson-Lead guitarist
#8 Corey Taylor-Singer

I was going to find unmasked pictures for those who don't know what they look like...but couldn't find any satisfactory ones.

Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen

It's been a few weeks since Chris was ambushed by Mick in the hall and he hasn't seen Syn or Zacky in more than just fleeting glances. Or that one time he actually went to watch them again, but was glared away by Shadows. Chris hasn't gone back to watch them since then.

Sid and Jim are trying to get him to cheer up, but Chris just isn't in the mood to be cheered up by anyone. Sure, he knows in his heart that what he had going with Syn and Zacky was only fooling around and that it would never be anything more than a few fucks, but it's made him realize just how alone he is. And he is very alone, despite having eight bandmates.

It's also making him come to terms with something he's yet to face since it first reared its ugly head. His feelings for Sid. He's tried to ignore them and shove them away, but seeing Syn and Zacky so happy together has made him wish he could find someone to have that with. And the someone he wants that with is so frustratingly straight that he just wants to beat himself over the head with a big stick for ever getting those feelings for the younger man.

Sid will never look at him as anything but a friend. And that hurts.

A lot.

Chris is smart enough to know that he has no chance there. That saying anything would just be more pain for himself, so he's never even thought of revealing his feelings to his friend. Because, well, Sid has been so supportive of him so far that Chris is terrified of losing that. Not to mention having a gay best friend is a lot different than having a gay best friend who wants to fuck you and Chris isn't so sure Sid would be so accepting of that.

The worst thing is that Mick, dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks Mick, knows about it. How Mick figured it out is beyond Chris, because he's sure he's been pretty subtle about the whole loving his best friend thing. Apparently not subtle enough though, because the guitarist has been using it against him for a long while.

And now that he doesn't have Syn and Zacky to take his mind off of it, it's eating him up inside. The loneliness, the need, the want so deep he can barely stand it. It's all bearing down on him now, especially with the way Sid has been trying to take care of him like he needs someone to put him back together after a brawl with Mick.

Except getting his ass handed to him wasn't exactly a brawl. And there's no doubt that Mick handed him his ass on a silver platter in that fight. Chris is actually pretty sure he didn't even land one hit that time, which is kind of embarrassing truth be told. Of course, he was horribly drunk when Mick ambushed him, so he has that excuse to use.

And he's so fucking pissed that Mick even dared to hit guys from another band. Shawn had to practically threaten to kick Chris out of the band to keep him from going after Mick. He still wishes he could beat the guitarist's head in with a lead pipe. He'd feel better.

But that wouldn't take away the loneliness he feels.

Chris is making his way slowly down a hall in the backstage area. The building is big enough to get lost in, which wasn't his intention when his walk started, but he's been caught up in his misery and hasn't exactly been keeping track of how many turns he's taken. In fact, he doesn't even notice anything around him until a hand grabs his and he's jerked to the side. For a moment he's got a feeling of deja vu from Mick grabbing him. However, before he starts throwing punches he realizes the hand that just grabbed him is smaller than his own and the body that suddenly presses against him is also smaller.

“What-?” Chris starts to ask, but he's silenced by a deep kiss. And he feels familiar twin piercings, warm and comforting against his lips.

At least he knows who just jumped him. His tense muscles relax immediately and he kisses Zacky back, tongues tangling and stroking and a mock battle for dominance. They don't break the kiss until Chris starts feeling a little light headed from lack of oxygen. Zacky licks and nips down his jaw to his neck, breath hot and moist against his skin as the guitarist speaks for the first time.

“Syn and I have been talking about you, Chris.”

Chris tilts his head back and to the side to give Zacky more flesh to attack. “I would ask if that's good or bad, but I'm thinking this should be a clue.”

“We want you to know that anytime you need anything, a shoulder to cry on or a bed to sleep in, you can come to us,” Zacky continues as if Chris never spoke, “me or him or both of us.”

This brings Chris out of the little cloud of lust and pleasure that had started to descend on him. He lifts his hands and pushes Zacky back enough to look into the younger man's green eyes. They stare back at him, warm and understanding.

“Is that like...how does that work? Won't that effect your relationship? I mean...what does that make me to you?”

“It works like it's been working, only you don't have to wait for us to come to you. There's very little that can affect our relationship and this is something we both agree on. Friend with benefits, lover, whatever you want to call it Chris,” Zacky answers each question, amused yet serious. “I won't say we're in love with you, but we've come to care about you and want you to be happy. And your bandmates said you've been happy since we started sleeping together.”

“That's...are you...really? I mean, aren't you scared of Mick?”

“Scared for you maybe, but I'm not afraid to stand up to that fucker even if he beats the shit out of me,” Zacky replies. “You being happy is more important.”

Chris feels a swell of affection for the young guitarist in front of him and decides to show it the best way he knows how. He grabs Zacky by the back of the neck and pulls the younger man into another deep, passionate kiss. This time he puts all his gratitude and appreciation into it, dominating the kiss with his emotions.

Chris is slightly surprised to feel Zacky's hands under his shirt, stroking his skin. He shivers and lets the smaller man push him back against the wall, sucking on one piercing as he does. He moans softly as Zacky thumbs his nipples, jolts of pleasure shooting straight down to his quickly growing erection. His moan breaks off into a gasp as the younger man grinds their hard-ons together. Zacky breaks the kiss to push Chris's shirt off and throws it somewhere to the side.

Things progress quickly from there. Within minutes both their pants are pooled on the floor. Chris has maneuvered them so that Zacky is face first against the wall and he's plastered to the guitarist's back. It's lucky that Zacky came prepared, because Chris doesn't generally run around with lube or condoms in his pocket...well maybe condoms, but he's out of the little packets of lube.

“Do you always have lube and condoms in your pockets,” Chris asks as he licks and nips at the Angel's tattoo on Zacky's neck.

Zacky's responds with a half laugh-half moan, “I'm a horny guy.”

“So I've noticed,” Chris returns as he gently begins to work one lubed finger into the man he could now call his lover.

“You're no better,” Zacky accuses although there's no real heat in his voice.

Chris doesn't even try to deny it. He just continues with what he's doing, getting harder at the feeling of Zacky's tightness around his fingers. He knows it's going to feel fucking amazing. He leans forward and licks a hot strip up Zacky's back, getting a tongue full of the sweat that's broken out over the guitarist's body.

Pulling his fingers free Chris is just positioning himself at Zacky's entrance when the door into the room bangs open. Chris swears and drops down to get Zacky's pants back up, because he's not so ashamed of being seen naked by anyone but he knows Zacky doesn't like it. As Zacky is getting his pants redone, Chris is yanked backwards. Because his feet are still tangled in his pants, Chris ends up falling.

“I can't fucking believe you!”

Chris groans in pure annoyance. Why? Why out of everyone that could have caught them did it have to be Mick?

He struggles to get his pants up his legs and then Zacky is there putting himself between Mick and Chris. Chris wants to object, but he sees his bandmate hesitate and that gives him enough time to get himself decent again. He then pushes to his feet and faces the taller man with a challenging glare.

“Fuck off, Mick. After all the fights we've gotten into do you really think one more is going to change anything?” Chris snarls.

Mick growls, blue eyes narrowing to slits. “I keep thinking that one of these times I might beat some sense into you.”

“Funny, that's the same I think about you,” Chris retorts.

“Look man, if you start a fight here I'm gonna get involved and I think you remember what happened last time you touched me,” Zacky butts in.

Chris winces as the smaller guitarist gains the attention of the much bigger guitarist, but he sees that it is a look of contemplation on his bandmate's face. Mick is contemplating whether giving Chris another beating is worth getting one in return. After a moment, to Chris's utter shock, Mick backs down. But there's a look of malevolence still on the bigger man's face and pure hatred in his icy blue eyes.

“You've got a point, apparently different tactics are required,” Mick says coldly.

Chris watches as his bandmate turns and stalks back out of the room. He can't help but think that a beating may have been the better choice.

Stand by me

2008-07-26T22:00:39Z

Title: Stand by me
Author: Kitekat1
Pairing: Matt Sanders/Brian Haner
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This story is fiction and never happened. I don't own any of the characters.

Summary: Set months after the release of 'City of Evil', the lives of the Avenged members drastically change when one of their own has to deal with the consequences of a harsh stroke of fate. Nothing is the way it was before. Will things fall apart, or can something good come out of the new situation when unforeseen feelings evolve?

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 |

Chapter 23

The high temperatures would not break off, and Brian and Matt decided to battle the heat together at the beach with their three best friends.

They brought everything needed: snacks, cooled drinks, sun block and towels – things made for a quiet day near Huntington Beach’s promenade.

They had stayed close to the paved ways, since Brian’s wheelchair could not drive in the sand, and Matt had carried him down the short distance and set him down on one of the bath towels they had brought along.

The wheelchair folded together at the side, resting next to the cooler bag underneath a sunshade – closely guarded by Zacky’s dog Ichabod -, the men lazed on towels or the sand and talked, Jimmy only having one specific topic in mind.

“Do you think she’ll come? She looked like she gets her tan from the sun, and this is near where I saw her that one time.”

Zacky groaned, “That one time? Don’t make it seem like you’ve seen her multiple times. You saw her once, Jim, once.”

“You’re only jealous cause I saw someone I like and you’re still single and haven’t cast an eye on anyone,” Jimmy grunted, and flipped over so he was lying on his stomach, flat, but still able to watch the people that passed them by.

One towel away, Matt tried to persuade Brian to undress his pants.

“I don’t want to take them off,” Brian huffed, being aware that his behavior was somewhat that of a child.

“Don’t be like this now,” the singer tried to reason. “It’s the season to wear shorts. Everyone is wearing short pants today. Look, no one will look at you weird. I bet most of the people here won’t even notice we’re here, and if they do, they won’t care.”

“Yeah, and we’re your friends. You shouldn’t have to feel nervous or upset cause you’re around us in shorts,” Jimmy chimed in, meaning well. “And you’ve always had rather thin legs. Why worry about it now?”

“You’re not helping,” Matt grumbled and turned back to Brian, who had his arms crossed over his chest and glared. “Honestly, it’s way too hot to be in jeans. You’ll overheat and get heat stroke or something. If you’re wearing underwear it’s not a problem to simply take them off. You are wearing underwear, right?”

“I’m wearing swimming trunks underneath,” Brian admitted.

“Jesus Christ, get out of those jeans now,” Zacky said and craned his head to look at the other guitarist.

“Fine…” Brian grumbled and opened the button, undoing the zipper too, and after making sure there wasn’t anyone watching, his wrestled his pants over his hips and pushed them down, pulling them off. He was left in black swimming trunks and the purple t-shirt he had put on at home. Deciding that he looked even more stupid like this, and thanks to Matt’s continuous devotion in bed not having a problem with his torso anymore, he stripped the shirt over his head quickly and threw it to the side.

Matt nodded, “Thank you. Don’t you feel better now?”

Brian chose to ignore that question and looked out over the wide sea, his eyes scanning the beach, and he patted Ichabod’s fur instead.

“Now do me a favor and stop bickering,” Jimmy complained, looking at the couple worriedly. “We need to concentrate on the important things here. My girl could be here and no one sees that because of you.”

“I don’t even know what she looks like,” Matt shrugged, not really interested in watching out for Jimmy’s beautiful stranger. He had come out to spend a relaxed few hours, and not to look out for girls – especially not when he had the lover he wanted next to him.

“She has brown curly hair, she’s rather tiny, had a really sexy bikini on last time, and she has the most beautiful smile ever…” The drummer began daydreaming.

“Tattoo on one arm, highlights in her hair and pink sunglasses?” Brian interrupted, causing Jimmy’s mouth to drop open.

“Yes! How do you know?”

“She’s walking up to us right now, look over there,” he smiled and pointed with his index finger to his left.

“Oh my God… Oh my God!”

And there she was, a petit woman, about the same age as them, maybe a little younger, with a few female friends in tow and volleyball in a basket.

“Hey guys,” she said, making sure to wink at Jimmy and throw her hair back lasciviously. “Do you want to play some ball?”

Jimmy nodded quickly, excitement showing, as he grabbed Johnny’s arm and hauled Zacky up with him. In his rush and eagerness to get closer to the girl he nearly forgot an important thing – again – something Brian decided to take into his own hands now.

“Beach volleyball does not belong to my capabilities at the moment,” he explained, “But I’ll watch from here. I’m Brian… This here is Matt, that’s my friend Jimmy, Zacky, and that midget there is Johnny. What’s your name again?”

“I’m Leana,” she introduced herself, before walking a few feet to the side where her friends had already set up everything they’d need.

Matt and Brian watched how Jimmy stumbled after her, as if he had lost all his senses and was only focused on the girl he had cast an eye on. Zacky and Johnny followed him at a slightly slower pace, laughing at his eagerness.

The couple stayed back, getting comfortable on their towel and sharing a few cuddles and kisses, with Brian bracing himself with his elbow on Matt’s chest, his head right over Matt’s.

Matt’s hands roamed over Brian’s back and stroked him gently, as Brian caressed the singer’s face. They were intimate gestures, but not offensive to anyone that was on the beach as well.

“Eh, guys…?”

No response.

“Guys come on…”

Brian released Matt’s lip from his mouth and turned his head, looking at Jimmy expectantly.

“We’re lacking one player or it’ll be really stupid to play. Matt, can you please come and join us?”

Matt pretended to think about it, and then shook his head. “No. If I got the choice between jumping after a ball and face-planting the sand, and smooching with my boyfriend, I’ll definitely go for my boyfriend.”

“Please!” Jimmy actually started begging, “Matt please, I already told the girls you’d come, since you’re my band mate and you like helping out and stuff… Please, don’t ruin this for me. I really like her; I want this to be perfect. She seems to like volleyball or whatever, so I want it to be perfect for her. Matt please, come on…”

Matt grumbled, preferring to stay with Brian, but knowing it would be harsh to turn Jimmy down. He sat up, causing his drummer to yelp and excitedly hopping back to the others; and Brian to give a small smile.

“You’re too good to people sometimes,” the guitarist said and turned around, so he sat on his behind.

“I’ll try and make it short. And then we can go back to where we left it off,” Matt announced, and placed a kiss on Brian’s nose. He laughed when Brian wrinkled his nose and wiped at it with his hand.

“Now go and have fun,” Brian nodded, a soft smile on his lips, and went back to patting Zacky’s dogs when his boyfriend left.

“Icky, wanna play ball too?” He asked the dog and got a tennis ball out of the bag the left-handed guitarist had brought along.

Ichabod barked in excitement and eyed Brian’s hand intently, his tail wigging really fast.

Brian reached back and threw the yellow ball as forcefully as he could, and the black dog started to bark and he ran after it. Sand flew everywhere when he first started moving. Proudly, the dog retrieved the ball Brian had thrown and trotted back to the towel, enjoying how Brian patted and praised him – then the process was repeated when Brian threw the ball again.

Both got tired after a while, and so Ichabod lay down on the sand, resting, but still watching what his master was doing with those strange people he had never seen before.

Brian got comfortable on his towel, stretched out on his stomach, with his head resting on his arms. There was nothing to do, really, so he could as well seize the time to tan while his friends were busy playing.

Like Matt had said, he came back a bit later and plopped down on the warm sand. He rummaged through the cooler bag and got out a bottle of water, nearly guzzling it down in one chug.

Brian watched him for a short moment, smiled, and then closed his eyes again, the heat making him lazy and sleepy.

He yelped half a minute later when something cold dribbled down on his back.

“I can’t have you getting burnt in the sun,” Matt chuckled at his friends’ shocked expression, and rubbed the sunscreen over Brian’s entire back, his shoulders, the back of his arms, and lastly his sun-exposed legs.

He put the rest he still had in his hand on his own body, the area of skin he could reach himself anyway, and then laid down next to Brian. They laid close to each other, arm to arm, their heads turned so they were facing the other – about to nap.

“Aww, could they be any gayer?” Zacky giggled from the distance. Matt and Brian flipped him off at the same time. Apart from a series of cooing noises, from both the females and their band mates, they were left alone and quickly fell asleep.

When Brian woke up again, he first thing he noticed was that he felt really hot. He carefully turned to the side, till he was in reach of the cooler. He got out one of the water bottles, and drank half of it until he wasn’t thirsty anymore. He looked around.

Matt was still out, snoring softly, and his back having a reddish tint to it. It wasn’t sunburn yet, but they’d have to watch out to not let it get any hotter there. Jimmy was nowhere to be seen, Johnny was asleep himself, and Zacky seemed to have gone on a walk with Ichabod – seeing as his bag was still there, but guitarist, dog and leash missing.

Brian got out the tube with sunscreen, put a few droplets of the white milky substance in his hand, and waited until it was warm to his touch. He then rubbed his hand over Matt’s back gently, to not wake him up. When he was done, he looked back out over the sea.

It was a quiet time, and there weren’t many people at the beach. Seeing no one was watching him, he made a decision. Half skidding, half crawling, he got forward a few feet and reached the water.

There, Brian sat down with his legs stretched out in front of him. He watched how the water approached him and engulfed his legs and trunks, going a bit behind him, and then regressing again. He stretched out his hands, and smiled at the touch of the water meeting his skin. He had always enjoyed being at the beach, near the sea, and now sitting there and being close to the water felt great.

He put his arms behind his body, so he was leaning on his elbows, and let the water spill over his abdomen and back, able to feel the sea water on his entire body now.

Sitting like this for many moments, he heard someone come up behind him. For some reason, he instantly knew that it was Matt.

He was right, as he recognized the singer’s shape out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t mind Matt coming after him; in fact, he had hoped his boyfriend would wake up and come eventually, so he could share the special moment with him.

No words were needed, and Matt simply sat down next to Brian, stretched out his legs like Brian had done, and looked out at the wide sea.

Brian took Matt’s hand and interlaced their fingers.

In silence they sat there, holding hands, and after a while Brian’s head leant against Matt’s shoulder.

It was a long time later that their moment was over, when Johnny appeared and stepped in front of them quietly with his cell phone in hand, taking a picture.

“I wanted a recent picture, and that moment seemed like the right opportunity to take one. If you want, I can send it to your phones later,” the bassist offered.

Brian beamed, “That would be really cool, thanks Johnny.”

“Never mind,” he smiled, and continued talking. “So I’m supposed to say bye-bye from Jimmy. He was in a hurry to go God knows where with that Leana chick. Zacky just came back with Ichabod; they went for a walk earlier. We’re planning on eating some of our sandwiches now. If you wanna come… you’ve been here a long time.”

“We’ll be there in a second,” Matt promised and waited until Johnny had gone back to their towels near the promenade.

“Carry me?” Brian asked, his teeth chattering slightly now, “My arms are a little stiff, I’m not sure how long getting back up there will take me.”

Matt got up and lifted Brian up with him, raising an eyebrow at his sheepish face. “You’re ice cold, Bri. You could have said something, you know?”

“Yeah,” he admitted and thanked his boyfriend when they had reached their spot. “I was really comfy, though. I didn’t want to get back up here yet.”

Zacky tossed a dry towel over, and Brian used it to wrap it around his shoulders, savoring the slightest bit of warmth it was giving him.

Matt’s reproachful expression had been replaced by a faint smile on his lips. As Brian grinned at him with pale blue lips, a sandwich in one hand and a bottle with orange lemonade in the other, Matt found himself laughing out loud.

“You’re too cute for your own good sometimes,” he twinkled, “But just so you know, you’re totally taking a hot bath tonight.”

A few hours later, Matt and Brian were in the garden behind their house, both bare-chested and in swimming trunks.

The singer was swimming, doing laps from one side of the pool to the other, diving, or floating on the airbed they had put into the water. Brian was lying on a lounger they had positioned close to the edge of the pool, reading his catalogue again. After a while, he felt observed, and looked up to find that Matt was watching him.

“What?”

“I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go swimming as well. You looked like you wanted to earlier at the beach… I’d hold you up if you wanted to join.”

Brian was hesitantly looking at the man in front of him. The pool was the place where he had tried to take his life, so good memories were not what he found there. Also, swimming was not something he could control. He had been a good swimmer, but he wasn’t sure if swimming with only his arms would work out. It was stupid, he knew that, other people were able to do it too, but he was scared. He wasn’t exactly eager to get into situations he wasn’t sure how to handle. If he would be able to swim and have fun with Matt then perfect, but if he couldn’t then he’d have to reply on Matt to save him once again.

“And you’ll hold me up until I tell you I want to try swimming on my own?” Brian asked while his gaze was fixed on Matt.

“I will.” Those trustful eyes never lied, and if he couldn’t trust Matt, he couldn’t trust anyone.

“I swear, if you’re dropping me…” Brian threatened, the threat being something to calm himself, as he put his catalogue aside and got onto the grass.

He scooted forward until he reached the edge of the pool, and maneuvered his limbs inside. Matt swam to where he was, and gently pried his legs apart, getting in between them when they were open.

The singer put his arms around Brian and gave soft tugs, causing Brian to slowly slip forward into Matt’s strong arms.

Brian quickly held onto Matt’s shoulders, tightly, but making sure his fingernails were not digging into his skin.

With his hands underneath Brian’s thighs, placed in the very middle, Matt was able to hold him right, as his legs were on either side of him. The singer lowered Brian further into the water, so it would meet the part of skin that was not numb, and slowly so the coldness of it wouldn’t come as shock to him.

“Are you still up to this?” Matt inquired and placed a chaste kiss on Brian’s cheek.

A small nod was his response.

Matt sighed, but walked backwards, signaling Brian that they were going away from the edge, and that he really was in Matt’s strong hold now.

Brian put his arms around Matt’s neck and slowly relaxed. He stretched out his arms, so he was holding onto his boyfriend, but still able to look at Matt.

It was a rather sensual moment: Matt, dripping wet from diving, holding Brian pressed to his body, with water lapping at their chest, and tiny droplets of water dripping down Matt’s hair onto his shoulders, rolling down and mingling with the liquid in the pool.

Feeling secure enough to let go one arm, Brian stroked through Matt’s hair lovingly, receiving a smile in return.

“You’re amazing,” Matt whispered huskily.

Brian just smiled. There weren’t any words needed, and he closed his eyes and gently placed his forehead against Matt’s.

Like that, they waded through the water.

At one point, Matt loosened his grip, and Brian slowly slid from his grasp. Instead of holding his thighs, his hands went to Brian’s buttocks, lightly stroked over it and further up, holding Brian around the back so he wouldn’t sink or float away.

When Brian felt hands on his back, he looked at Matt in astonishment; coming to realize that he had to be floating if Matt’s hands weren’t there to hold his legs anymore.

He looked down in between their bodies and saw that his feet were on top of Matt’s, and that he was actually standing. Assisted by Matt, and by no means steady, seeing his legs were already pulled behind him by the moving water, but he had been standing.

The singer drew Brian closer again and pressed his body down slightly, and Brian knew that his boyfriend had just adjusted their positions, he that he was standing again.

Without further warning, Brian’s head suddenly shot forward and he crushed his mouth onto Matt’s, both of them moaning, as he tangled his fingers into Matt’s hair.

Matt wrapped his arms around Brian’s back and quickly brought them over to the edge of the pool, pressing Brian against the wall and kissing his face, then moving down lower over his neck until he reached his chest.

Brian braced himself by putting his arms down onto the tiles, and when Matt took Brian’s right nipple into his mouth and sucked at it, he tilted his head back and groaned.

The singer gave his best to please his boyfriend, though it was a hard task because with Brian’s body twitching, and his own being slippery wet himself, he had to adjust Brian’s position every other moment to avoid him doing his performance underwater.

“Oh fuck, yes,” Brian groaned, and Matt couldn’t suppress a grin as he lightly scraped his teeth over the hardened flesh.

Licking over his chest and then moving to Brian’s neck, Matt let Brian slip down slightly, knowing he wouldn’t sink any further, as Brian was squished in between him and the wall.

Brian’s eyes fluttered shut at the sensation of his neck being caressed, and when he opened them again, Matt recognized a strong determination in his lust-darkened orbs.

The guitarist’s hand went down between their bodies and sought Matt’s swimming trunks. Thin talented fingers disappeared beneath the hem of the pants, and grasped the singer’s throbbing erection.

Just the light touch of his hand made Matt pant, and he thought he was in heaven when Brian’s fingertips brushed over his tip. Soon, Brian’s hand was wrapped around his penis and stroked up and down.

If he had been standing on the ground, his legs would have buckled. It was what he had dreamed about ever since they had become a couple. Of course, a hand job was not his ultimate goal, and he had been glad to willingly wait until Brian was ready for more, but he had tried to imagine what that situation would be like.

Matt moaned with pleasure at what his boyfriend was doing there, and hissed between his teeth when Brian expanded his activity, and rolled his testicles in his hand.

He hadn’t had that form of sexual contact in months, so Brian’s touch almost came as blessing.

“Is that good?” Brian asked cheekily, very well knowing what his actions were doing to the singer.

Matt was unable to reply verbally, so he only nodded and emitted another loud groan when Brian went back to stroking his member, pumping at a fast rate, as fast as it would go underwater where all motions were slowed.

Matt’s breathing came out in shallow gasps, and a few moments later, he felt his thighs trembling.

“C-close,” the singer managed to get out, and nearly whimpered when Brian put his hands to his testicles again, to squeeze and knead them lightly.

It was like something exploded inside of him. It felt like he was about to pass out, a blinding bright light behind his eyes and a shiver of high intensity going through his body that left him dazed for a moment. At the same time, his testicles twitched and Brian’s hand went back to his shaft, jerking him off until every drop of cum had left his penis and mixed with both the water and the swimming trunks.

He barely heard Brian’s small laugh, and barely felt the kiss his boyfriend was giving him, still in awe over what had happened just now.

“I can’t believe I did that,” Brian shrugged, wearing a radiating smile on his face.

With glazed eyes, Matt looked at Brian, hugged him and expelled a shaky breath, causing Brian to laugh again.

“Are you okay there? You looked a little pale after you came…”

“Is it possible I got my cocky Synyster Gates back?” Matt asked playfully when he moved back, holding Brian up at his waist.

“No,” the guitarist shook his head, “But you’ve got Brian fucking Haner.”

“I’m glad about that too,” Matt nodded and brushed his index finger over Brian’s cheek.

“You should be,” Brian’s eyes sparkled, as if the sexual moment had given him new confidence and new strength, and he lightly pushed Matt away.

Brian let go of the edge of the pool and used his arms to keep himself up, making quick swimming movements to not sink. It looked clumsy at first, and Brian’s mouth sank underwater a couple of times, but then his strokes became more calm and steady, and he swam forward.

Matt, having slowly come down from his height, watched his boyfriend with pride in his eyes.

“Are you gonna swim or just look at me?” Brian asked, making his way to the other side of the pool, calling out for Matt to join him.

The singer shook his head in amusement and swam after the other man, quickly catching up with him and then turning on his back, regarding him and holding eye contact.

“Show-off,” Brian panted, but kept the happy expression on his face.

“Me?” Matt winked, “Never…”

When they reached the end of the pool, they held onto the edge there, both slightly breathless.

“Thanks Matt,” Brian nodded. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have done this. You help me so much…”

“I didn’t do anything. It was your doing. You don’t really need me in that way. You’re so much stronger than you think,” Matt said, meaning it.

Brian beamed at the bigger man; probably the happiest he had been in a while. “How about we do one last lap back to the other side, and then take the hot bath you talked about earlier? Keep on your swimming trunks, and you can get in with me.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Matt said, going to say something else, but stopped by Brian. “What are you –?”

With a mischievous facial expression, Brian grasped Matt’s shoulders and pushed him underwater, starting to swim quickly and calling over his shoulder, when he heard the man come up again spluttering, “Last one to reach the other side has to clean the tub afterwards!”

a7x_slashness @ 2008-07-26T13:54:00

2008-07-26T20:55:40Z

Title: Back Against The Wall Part Two
Pairing: James Hart/Matt Sanders
Ancillary Pairings: Brandan Schieppati/Alex Varkatzas, Brian Haner/Zackary Baker, Jimmy Sullivan/Johnny Seward, Jacoby Shaddix/Mick Morris
Summary: After a heart wrenching case that ends in tragedy, can James Hart, lawyer, and Matt Sanders, juvenile, keep the fire that they’d started going with merely words across a piece of paper?
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All stories with relevance to real people are NOT coincidental, and are called fanfiction. I mean no ill will or harm toward the people involved in such stories and only end up using them as stencils for my creative outbursts. I mean no disrespect, and it's all in fun.
A/N: Second part of Back Against The Wall. ~~avengedbeckfold~~ soulmates_never and kisskisskiss3 as always. ♥

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Upload / Download

2008-07-26T20:25:51Z

Title: Upload / Download.
Pairing: Matt/Brian [A7X].
Rating: PG.
Summary: The next morning neither of them get why he starts calling me Shadows.
Prompt: July 24 08
Warning: Block-breaking babbling.

( Making friends with shadows on my walls. )

Damage Last Chapter

2008-07-26T16:44:32Z

And the DAMAGE Done

Pairing: Brian/Matt
Rating: NC/17
Warnings: Hardcore sex and drug use

Disclaimer: This is fiction, it never happened.

Summary: They both lost control but only one will live up to it.

Chapter One
Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter four

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX
Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten

Damage Last Chapter

"How's your head?" Brian asked as he woke up. "How was it getting some real sleep?"

It was early, around ten in the morning but as he awoke he saw Matt's eyes already open, the singer on his back beside him, staring up at the ceiling and thinking thoughts Brian could only guess about.

"Fine. Better. The pain is just like a regular headache now." Matt stretched and turned over on his side, away from Brian's questions.

"I can tell you're better, you're back to giving me the silent treatment."

"Whatever."

"I rest my case. Good to have my Matty back." Brian leaned in and kissed his cheek and Matt glanced at him out of the corner of his eye like he was half mad. Brian sighed and scooted over. "I guess I'll be on the couch if you need me." He started to go but Matt grabbed his wrist.

"Don't. Go turn up the air conditioning like you like to and come back here, I want to tell you something."

"How do you know about me and a/c?" Brian asked, smiling lopsidedly.

"Just come back to bed, okay?"

Brian turned the air up on high and climbed back in the covers with Matt whom he stared at expectantly.

"You didn't have to tell me what you'd told Zack---about us--but you did." Matt began.

"Of course I did. I don't want to lie to you or keep things from you." Brian took his hand under the covers.

"The night that I walked out on you, when you wanted me to stay? I came back the next morning."

"You did?"

"Johnny was up and let me in but you were asleep and I just stood there in your room, trying to think of something to say. I wanted to apologize, but didn't really want to wake you---I knew you needed your sleep. Then Zack showed up and when he did....I didn't want you to know I was there. I didn't want to be in the way so I went and hid." Matt took a breath, terribly embarrassed to be admitting he hid from anyone. "And I saw Zack come in and I saw how he was with you, how he took care of you. And I heard you tell him "I love you" and I heard him say it back and I knew you both meant it and then you two curled up and went to sleep and I was so jealous that it wasn't me. Of course it was my own fault that it wasn't me...." Matt sighed heavily. "I just thought: 'What the hell does he need me for if he's got Zack to take care of him?'."

"Matt." Brian sat up. "Of course I need you." He leaned up on one arm and slowly began to drape his body over Matt's.

"Yes, Zack is my friend. Yes, I trust him and he was there for me when I felt very alone and yes I do love Zack, as a friend." Slowly his weight sank into Matt's body, his legs slid around and straddled the side of Matt's thigh and one hand came up to rest on Matt's chest while the other lingered near his knee. "But I don't desire Zack, I don't want Zack, I don't dream of touching Zack, I don't touch myself when I think of Zack."

Brian's face now hovered near Matt's and Matt's eyes watched him intently.

"I want you Matt. I want it to be more than it was that night. I want to remember exactly the way your body felt wrapped around mine. I want to remember exactly how your mouth tasted....how all of you tasted. I want to show you, I don't want you to be scared, I want you to feel safe to do whatever you want and tell me whatever you want me to do to you and no one will ever know about this, about what we do when we're together. I love you, Matt." Without waiting for an answer, very careful of maneuvering around Matt's broken nose, Brian's mouth descended on Matt's fiercely.

Both of Matt's arms wrapped around Brian's waist, crushing him near. Zack's advice echoed in Brian's head: not to stop, not to show hesitation, or do anything to give Matt a chance to doubt or question what was taking place. Matt's mouth responded and opened for his exploration as Brian's hips pushed up and he rubbed himself against Matt's thigh.

"I'll show you....let me show you, Matt..." He whispered between kisses. "Don't nod, you'll hurt your head. Just tell me yes or no....Do you want me, too? Do you want to feel me again?"

"Yes, Bri, yes...I just....I don't know...how much I...I mean..." Matt wanted to say he knew he wasn't well enough to be on top and and at the same time couldn't admit, even to himself, that he really wouldn't mind being on bottom. "I don't have my balance back -- I WANT to, I'm not making excuses...."

"Shhhhh...." Brian put a finger to his lips and gave him a meaningful look. "I have everything in hand if you trust me." Brian's hand began to stroke the inside of Matt's leg. "Do you trust me?"

"With everything."

"Leave your shirt on. Don't want it to snag or your bandage or your nose....leave the rest to me."

Brian threw the covers up over them, pressing into Matt once more, kissing not just his mouth but down his neck and up his jaw and back to his lips again as his hands worked down the shorts Matt was wearing.

Matt moved his legs and kicked until he was free of them and then his hands were on Brian once more, sinking into his hair, pulling on the strands, turning Brian's head so he could nip at his ears. Brian freed himself only long enough to take off what he was wearing, anxious for the feel of their skin to press together and feed off each other's warmth. They could feel each other, growing harder, pressing against each other's stomachs. Each knew the other was feeling the same thing so for a while there was no need for words.

Brian took Matt's hand and pressed it to his stomach.

"Touch me?" He whispered in Matt's ear, careful not to make it a command but hoping the tone conveyed how bad he wanted Matt's strong, uncalloused hand wrapped around his hardening member.

Matt nodded, pushing his hand down between Brian's legs as Brian gave up his quest for dominance long enough to melt into Matt's arms, whining pleasurably against his neck. Matt's wide, smooth hands stroked him up and down as Brian bit at Matt's neck and his chest through his shirt to show his approval.

"Yes....Matt..." Brian whispered, his eyes closed.

Brian squirmed in his arms for a bit before pushing Matt back down into the bed, sliding up Matt's shirt and sliding his tongue down the chiseled chest, past his stomach and past his navel.

"Your hair....feels nice...." Matt's voice was low, as if afraid someone would hear. "Is it okay to pull on it?"

"Only if you want me to suck harder." Brian grinned mischievously before swirling his tongue all around Matt's cock like it was a Popsicle. He felt all of Matt's muscles clench then and the hand that was sunk into his hair pulled the strands tight at the same time that his forced Brian's head closer seeking to have himself engulfed fully in the warmth of his welcoming mouth. For a while then Brian simply fed on him, Matt's hands on his head large enough to cut off any sound and yet Brian knew the rhythm of the other other man's breathing, the tightening of his muscles, the way his hips pushed up and then withdrew. When he sensed a different taste trickling on to his tongue, a hint of things beneath the surface aching to come out, he began to extract Matt's fingers from his hair.

"Tell me what you want, Matt. I can keep going like this, I know you're close or we can go the rest of the way." Matt glanced down and back at Brian: blinking, thinking, but not answering. "Or just play it by ear and go part of the way...?"

By way of response, Matt took Brian's hand and brought it back between his legs but did not stop, pushing them past his cock down to the cleft of his ass.

"I can do that." Brian assured him, pressing his lips to Matt's panting mouth. He stroked Matt's chin as he kissed him, the only part of his face he knew wasn't hurt. He pulled back and wagged a finger near Matt's mouth. "Would you like to lick or shall I?"

"Two." was the only reply Matt made, his hand clinging to Brian's shoulder hard enough to be a tell tale sign of how nervous he still was.

"Anything you want. Anything. Open your mouth for me."

An anxious smile tugged at the corners of Matt's mouth before he parted his lips enough to let Brian slip his first two fingers inside. They watched each other as Matt sucked on his fingers, Brian thinking about those lips wrapped around another part of him. His own lips parted as he watched Matt, enthralled with the rhythm of his tongue around the battered tips of his fingers.

"Ready?"

At the sound of his voice Matt's jaw released and Brian slid the fingers from his mouth. Matt pressed himself back into the mattress, bending one knee and opening his legs. Brian leaned in, resting his body against Matt's, not wanting to lose contact even for a second, as his hand grazed down the reclining form, eventually, lazily finding it's destination.

"Will you touch me while I finger you?"

For a second, just at the sound of the words, Matt felt he couldn't breathe. It was really happening: they were both sober. They loved and respected each other, they were alone and his being scared was okay. Matt swallowed hard, his face flushing, but he did not hesitate to reach for Brian's cock again.

They locked eyes and very slowly Brian began working his fingers into the warmth of Matt's waiting body. Matt didn't look away. Brian was able to watch his expression turn from surprise to discomfort to soften as he relaxed, to widen as his breath began to come faster. The strokes of his hand matched the probing of Brian's fingers and Brian edged closer until their lips were a breath away. He reached his tongue out first and it was met with Matt's. An unseen current flowed between them as they continued with the leisure exploration of their hands.

"You feel good....you feel warm...I like the way you give way inside for me" Brian whispered, nuzzling against the side of Matt's face "..do you like what I'm doing?"

"mmmm....yes..."

"Want more than my fingers?"

Matt's free hand moved to Brian's face, tilting it until their eyes met again.

"I want you....inside me....all of you....all you can give me...don't hold back, don't go slow. Now, Brian! I've waited my life for this, I can't hold back any longer."

Brian nodded, kissing Matt again.

"You know I'm ready. We'll need a few things. Where do you keep----those things."

"I...um...drawer....I'm not sure.....my girls usually bring their own....stuff."

"How very feminist of you!" Brian smirked. Indeed in the drawer were condoms but little else. "Hang on. Let's see what's in the bathroom."

As Brian slipped from the bed Matt tried to calm his racing heart and tell himself one more time that it wasn't wrong, that it was okay to give in and let everything happen, to give form to his dreams.

"We have hair gel, shower gel, foot powder, after shave.....ah ha! Baby oil! Baby oil it is!" Brian hurried back to the bed and Matt wondered if he ever in a million years actually expected to have a naked man traipsing through his bedroom with a bottle of baby oil. It was almost like watching a foreign art flick.

"What are you using baby oil for?" Brian smirked.

"It's the least faggy of the moisturizers."

"Yeah, says the guy who's about to---!"

"I get it!" Matt interrupted. "Trust me, I get it."

"Not yet, but you're about to!"

"Oh really?!" Matt laughed, grabbing Brian around the waist and pulling him into his arms. "Do you really think this is a moment to be making jokes?"

"This is the perfect time, when I'm mounting you, THAT'S a little too late."

"God I wish I was up to wrestling you again, I'd make you work to mount me." Matt said before taking the bottom of Brian's ear between his teeth.

"Oh I think you're up to more than you realize." Brian moaned, dropping the bottle momentarily next to the bed. "Seriously though, move down in the bed a little. I don't think you want to explain to the doctor you re injured yourself when your head was slammed against the headboard of the bed."

"Uh yeah...let's avoid that conversation."

Matt slid down so his head was nowhere near the wall or the metal frame of the bed as Brian nestled back into his arms.

"You are crazy with that a/c. It's like the arctic circle." Matt pulled at the blankets.

"Then I guess you'll have to warm me back up."

"That I can do." Matt's hand began to pump Brian's erection again as he sank his other hand down into Brian's long dark hair. His lips connected wetly with the side of Brian's face and he kissed his way to his ear.

"I love you Brian." He whispered. "I swear I love you."

"I love you too." Brian moved to secure his place on top and reached over for a condom. "Normally I wouldn't bother with this but I do seem to have quite the checkered past."

"Danger turns me on."

"Heh." Brian reached for the baby oil and he could already feel Matt's intake of breath beneath him. "Give me your hands, we're going to get very messy."

"Uh-huh, easy for you say when it's not your bed." Matt managed a smile as Brian poured some baby oil into his palms and curled Matt's fingers around his cock once more.

"Crisco and baby oil, we are either really inventive or really cheap."

"Hey, you wanna be seen in public buying sour cherry Snapple flavored KY, you go right ahead, I'd rather keep things on the---." Matt took a breath as Brian's fingers entered him again. Before he could speak again Brian's mouth covered his as the fingers pressed harder inside him, opening and pressing outwards in all directions in preparation of things to come. Matt moaned and arched his back, closing his eyes as his lower body seemed to spring to life of it's own accord, pressing against Brian's hand.

Without another word Brian spread Matt's legs and began to work his way inside his body at a snail's pace. Matt's head was thrown back, his eyes closed and his lips parted as Brian entered him. Without the eye contact Brian could not guage Matt's comfort or pain level.

"Baby...are you okay?" He whispered, nibbling on Matt's ear as he did.

Matt's eyes opened, his hand found the back of Brian's neck, holding on tightly.

"Keep going, I can take it."

"Mmmm...I know you can baby. You look so sexy taking my cock."

Matt gasped and Brian slid the rest of the way inside him. Something between a purr and a growl escaped his lips in a pant. Brian smiled, just taking in the sight of him, enveloped in his heat, their bodies tangled around each other like locked thorny vines stuck into each other. Brian didn't move and Matt didn't ask him to, they stayed locked together, breathing each other's breath for several long minutes.

"That night, in the kitchen, was that the first time you...?" Brian purposefully didn't finish.

"Yeah." When Matt answered Brian could feel the warm breath on his face and it made him shiver.

"I'm glad it was me. I want it to always be me."

"I love you. It will be." Matt promised.

On that assurance, Brian leaned his hand next to Matt's shoulder and shifted his weight to that arm before pulling back to begin thrusting inside him. Matt's mouth formed words both holy and blasphemous but no sound escaped other than his ragged breathing. At intervals Brian would lean in and Matt's mouth would connect sloppily with his lips or his chin. He then quickened his pace and Matt could only moan and hold tight to his forearms, his brain so short circuited by the pleasure coursing through him, he could do little else.

It took Brian guiding Matt's hand down to his own erection that was being pressed between them before Matt began to work on himself, synching again his motions to Brian's.

"You know what's going to be the hottest thing in the world? You know what I've been thinking about every time I close my eyes?" Brian teased, staring down at him. Matt barely shook his head. "Me watching you come. Me watching you come and being inside you at the same time."

"God...Brian...keep talking...."

"Talking about what?" He asked innocently, drawing circles around Matt's nipples through the cotton of his shirt. "Talk about my fucking you, about how beautiful you look taking my cock, with you mouth open and your breath quivering and you tensing inside to take me deeper? Want me to talk about how I want you to hold me down and dominate me and pin my wrists above my head as you're shoving that big cock of yours straight up me, hitting that spot inside that makes me scream? Want me to make you scream, Matt?"

At this Brian began to drive himself into Matt's body without mercy, in such a frenzy that the form below him was just a fleshly blur.

"Oh god...Oh god!!"

Matt's body tensed around Brian's cock and Brian pushed Matt's hand away and finished him himself, pumping him relentlessly until Matt did scream out to the heavens, exploding over Brian's fingers and his own t-shirt. Only then did Brian slow his pace enough to watch and in taking in the vision of Matt's contorted yet angelic face, the tensed muscles, the sound of his voice, did he allow himself to let go and come inside him as he continued to ride him hard until he was spent as well.

He lowered himself into Matt's arms as he slipped out of him. No one spoke as Brian gently kissed Matt up and down the side of his face, relishing the tremors of the other man's body against him. Finally he had to get up to strip off the condom and when he returned Matt had removed his shirt and they both settled down into the covers, into each other's arms.

"How's the headache?"

"What headache?"

"Excellent." Brian lowered his voice as he leaned in to kiss Matt again. "You were amazing and that was perfect."

"I don't think I did anything."

"You did, you were beautiful."

Matt blushed and looked away.

"Brian....did you tell Zack...that I came with you on top?"

"What?! No!!" Brian sputtered and started to laugh until he saw the pensive, wistful look on Matt's face. "No. Matt, that is just between us. What little I told Zack, and I'm sorry for telling him as much as I did...it was not that in depth. Whatever happens between us stays between you and me. That's for us only, no one else. Okay?"

Matt nodded, relaxing visibly as Brian pulled the covers up around them.

"Cold?"

"Getting that way."

"Well if you pull the covers up to your ears and lay very close to me, our breath will keep us warm. Let me show you."

=+=

When Matt woke up again the sun had sank visibly lower outside the bedroom window and Brian was no longer in bed next to him. Despite the absence of his partner, the bed was warm, the air conditioning had been relaxed to a normal level and Matt sighed happily about to fall back to sleep. However within seconds the scent of something sugary and warm wafted from the kitchen and teased at his senses until he carefully got up, washed up, put on some clothes. His balance was back and while his head still held the general soreness of the bump and the stitches, he was in no way in near the pain he had been before. He walked slow, following the smell of baking to the kitchen. There he found Brian, pulling out a pan of chocolate chip cookies from the oven.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Well for the longest time I've been craving cookies and you just had all the ingredients." Brian gestured around to the mess of the kitchen with bowls and mixes and spoons out everywhere and immediately Matt's eyes lit on the can of Crisco. "They're chocolate chip. Here, try one."

Matt continued to stare at the can and made a face.

"Um, do you remember exactly what else we used that for?" He motioned to the Crisco.

"Yeah. Uh, Matt? I've had needles in my arm, I've taken that wonderful cock of yours in my mouth and we have swapped enough saliva to fill a pool. Do you really think I'm afraid . . . . . ." Brian paused dramatically. " . . . of a cookie?!" He carefully lifted one from the pan, tossing it from hand to hand because it was so hot. "A cookie made with what we used for lube two months ago?" He took a bite. "mmmm. Try." He put the rest of the cookie in his mouth and held it between his lips, cocking his head to motion Matt to come closer.

"We're Lady and the Tramp now? Well who's who?"

"Trmmmp um tha Trmmmp." Brian managed with his mouth full until Matt came up and used his mouth to take the rest of the cookie from Brian.

Twenty minutes later they were curled up on the couch together watching tv with a huge plate of cookies sitting on the coffee table in front of them when the front door opened and Zack walked in then stopped in his tracks.

"Well hell Zack, just walk in my house like you own the damn place! Don't even bother to knock!" Matt sputtered immediately.

"I, uh, thought you were still in bed...I didn't know. I'm sorry." Zack turned in a hurry to go.

"Zack, it's all right."

Zack whirled around, stunned that the directive had come from Matt, not Brian.

"It's okay, come on in. Have some cookies. Brian made them."

Zack glanced from the couple on the couch to the plate of cookies and back again with no small degree of uncertainty.

"Seriously, it's okay. We're not doing anything." Matt scooted down, pulling Brian with him to make room for Zack to sit next to Brian. Brian smiled at him. "Come on, sit down, have a cookie."

"Yeah, I'll be hurt if you don't. They won't poison you, I promise." Brian added. "Matt's already had three and he's not turning green yet."

"Okay." Zack relented and sat down, taking a cookie but still eyeing Matt suspiciously. "Matt, you feeling better?"

"Well I'm not singing about badgers anymore if that's what you mean." Matt chuckled. "Yeah, I'm okay. Okay enough to say I'm sorry for starting shit with you. Brian swears you'll be descreet about things and if Brian believes in you, that's good enough for me. Truce?"

"Um, yeah. Sure. Truce."

Matt offered his hand, stretching over Brian to reach Zack and Zack took it. After that he leaned back, letting Zack and Brian talk. After a while their voices began to mix with the sound of the television. For once he was not straining to hear every word, wondering if they were talking about him and what they were saying, and before Matt knew it, he had fallen asleep again.

When Matt opened his eyes, the house was quiet, it was just he and Brian. It was exactly what each had wanted, though only one had just realized it. Together they were happy.

THE END

[Thanks for sticking with me. Don't know when the next fic will come. Stay tuned true believers! And in case you're wondering, yes the Badger Song is a real song by the Dead Milkmen, and I must give them mad props for it! Thanks for reading this, I'd had it in my head for a very long time. Now I am fic-less and sad but hopefully the muses will come back from their vacation with lots of presents for me!]

Is this resolution or is it just the end?

2008-07-26T16:39:57Z

Title: Now. and Then. and Always. (Part II)
Pairing: matt/brian
Rating: R for intense situations? Lol isn't that what movies say today? If we're going by THAT...Bambi would be pretty much R now wouldn't it?
Disclaimer: I don't own A7X. If I did, they'd most likely be standing behind me, gawking at the story and going "Ewww." And making fun of Matt, who unfortunately gets knocked up in this story.
Description: Matt Sanders has met his match; it isn't pretty. Brian needs him to tough it out...but is it too late? MPREG.
Warnings: MPREG that's right, crazy omfg. MPREG lol Don't like don't read, people. Can't warn you enough. There's also some very dark themes, kiddies.

A/n: It skips between past and present, I apologize in advance for any tense dischordance. I'm quite sure I ended up making up my own tenses towards the end.

This is the final part.

XX Now.

The vocalist’s head lolls against his chest, eyes still blank and glazed over. While Brian kicks open the bedroom at the end of the bus, the one that Matt and Brian share, Matt is silent and doesn’t move, but brian swears he feels matt nuzzle his collar bone with his nose and lips.

“Matt, fucking stop it,” Brian hisses, jarring him slightly in his arms, and immediately, he stops. “H-how could you do that? You stupid, s-selfish son of a bitch! How the fuck could do that to your own baby…to my baby?!” He shoves Matt onto the bed, trying to still be somewhat gentle, but the adrenaline in his veins is intoxicating. For the first time in close to a year, tears are stinging in his eyes.

Matt, unsettled by all the movement, weakly tries to interject; “Bri—”

“Shut the fuck up.” He sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out to palm Matt’s stomach in an attempt to feel for movement. There’s a tightness in his throat when he doesn’t feel anything.

The vocalist vainly tries slap his hand away and Brian snarls, forcefully pinning down his hands at his sides, and continues to press and prod his frontman’s abdomen.

Predictably, Matt stiffens under his touch, swallowing nervously. Brian knows Matt can’t stand people touching his stomach—especially not this obsessively—because he knows he’s the only other person that’s ever felt the baby. The frightened vulnerability in Matt’s eyes doesn’t fit right with the muscles and tattoos. But Brian doesn’t care if he’s being a jerk right now; he can’t care. In a second he gives up, bringing a hand to cover his mouth before he leans his elbows on his knees and rips at his hair.

“H-how much did you take?” he chokes.

Matt stutters something through shaky breaths, and reaches out tentatively to try and touch Brian’s back. But the guitarist flinches and turns on him, livid.

“ANSWER ME!”

“I said I didn’t do it, Brian,” Matt wheezes through a raw throat, voice weak and half muffled by the sheets. “I couldn’t.”

Brian blinks, staring at him.

Matt blankly returns the shocked look with tired green eyes, before dropping his gaze and collapsing back against the pillows again.

“What?”

Matt doesn’t look up but his hand slowly comes to rest on the curve of his stomach. “You heard me.” With quivering fingertips, he touches the stretch of skin between his bellybutton and the edge of his basketball shorts. “She’s fine—she’s just asleep.” His voice is barely audible.

Brian stares at his hand, skeptical, and then glances back at Matt’s face. The vocalist is shutting his eyes now and numbly turning his face in toward the bed.

“But the lines?” he whispers, hands practically shaking. “The razor blade and the countertop, I heard it. I saw it.”

Matt shrugs, taking one of those wavering deep breaths that one can only truly accomplish when you’re trying not to sob.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes, shoulders falling visibly. “Don’t ever put me through that again.” Sighing, he tries to calm down, and looks over at the exhausted man. He should be relieved, but the broken expression in Matt’s eyes makes him frown. He realizes that this problem probably runs a lot deeper than nearly giving into a craving.

Luckily, in the four months that Matt had been unknowingly carrying his little stowaway, the morning sickness had lead him away from alcohol and drugs because he’d been feeling like shit and puking nearly every day without having excruciating hangovers on top of it.

So even though he’d never really been into that stuff much before, Matt had gone cold turkey as soon as he’d found out; if Brian had taken time to think…he would’ve realized that even withdrawals, no matter how strong, wouldn’t have made matt do it against his will and better judgment.

So it had to have been a conscious decision.

Something turns to ice in Brian’s chest. “Matt, did you…” he can’t finish. He wants to stop breathing, standing there by the bed with his arms crossed as he stares down at him. “Did you want to try to kill yourself?” he asks, voice barely above a tentative whisper.

At this Matt almost does lose it, and chokes back a sob, trying to will it away by biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. He shakes his head furiously, and his fingertips curl away from his stomach, clenching into fists at his sides. “N-no. Not myself. Just…” He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence, because Brian unfortunately understands.

“…the b-baby?”

Matt doesn’t reply, and the silence serves as both his acknowledgement and concurrence. Brian blinks slowly, willing away the emotion in his eyes as he glances down at his hands. He wants to vomit.

“Why would you want to do that?” he asks with a voice quiet not out of trepidation but instead the result of trying to force himself to remain calm.

Fury, heartbreak, betrayal.

They’re all hidden in that soft, timid voice, and somehow, Matt knows it because he answers in the tone of a man dying inside.

“You can’t blame me for not being prepared to deal with this,” he says reluctantly. “I have no one to talk to about this—not even my own fucking mother. Isn’t that what women do? Ask their moms shit? Well, I don’t have that. I don’t have an ‘Idiot’s Guide’ to this fiasco.”

Brian nods, recognizing it as a valid point but not approving by any means.

As Matt pauses to chew on his lip ring for a moment, Brian realizes that that’s the only thing about Matt’s body besides his gauges that hasn’t changed lately.

Even his hair now, after the doctor had deemed black hair dye unsafe during pregnancy, is back to its original sandy brown. He hasn’t seen it that color since they were kids. His skin now is flushed rosy gold usually, and his lips are fuller, almost to a pout. His feet are swollen, and only one of his rings still fits. His eyes have somehow gotten brighter, more brilliant, and even more piercing than before.

But, most significantly, there’s a nearly soccer-ball sized bulge just above the waistband of his shorts. Tabloids have been having a field day pointing out his ballooning figure, but luckily no one suspects what it truly is because Val has agreed to save Matt the risk of stress and pretend they’re still dating. That’s probably the bigger of the two lies.

Val hasn’t spoken to Matt in weeks.

“And everyone’s fucking protecting me and shit, where ever I go. Like I need that or something suddenly just because of this,” he sighs exasperatedly, glancing down his torso. “They tell me not to do this, and not to do that and to make sure I do certain stuff …but no one’s helping. They just make it worse.” He nervously pulls at a thread on his fraying wife beater. “No one said any shit about feeling too nauseated to breathe, not being able to sleep for days, and having something wedge its head under your ribs when you fucking try to perform.”

Brian rolls his eyes. “Well I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable,” he mutters bitterly, “I guess that justifies everything.”

“Fuck you, Brian!” Matt shoves him on the side of his chest with the heel of his palm. “You can’t begin to understand what this is like!”

“I could say the same to you, Matt,” he hisses, narrowing his eyes.

Matt’s about to scream something in retaliation when he feels a swift kick to one of his kidneys. He grimaces in annoyance, nursing the spot, and looks up just in time to see the suddenly concerned look on Brian’s face before he masks it. The baby hates when he raises his voice and it never fails to protest. Lowering his voice, he tries to explain.

“Look, I know you want this baby,” he begins, “So I’m sorry for scaring you like that.” Glancing down at his hand, he uses his fingernail to scratch at his thumb; “I guess I… I don’t know; I just—I just wanted things to be normal again.”

Brian’s brows raise, “We haven’t been normal since we went platinum, Matt. Things will never be normal again.”

“Then I at least wanted life to be more normal than this! More normal than having some creature shoving around in me!” he hisses in a hoarse whisper. “You have to see where I was coming from with this…”

Brian clenches his jaw. Matt certainly hadn’t been calling their daughter a creature when Brian caught him taping iPod headphones to his stomach. So what the hell had gone wrong?

Matt looks up at the ceiling. “I needed you, and you left me,” he whispers, “it wasn’t just a mood swing— Brian, I was scared, and I'm still scared.” Now, his eyes are panicked, searching Brian’s for sympathy, understanding, or at least, anything but hate. “I didn’t say anything before…and look where it got me. So now, I’m telling you. I need you; not just to protect me, but to tell me I don’t look as huge as I feel, listen to me when I have to vent, and tell me it’s going to be alright even if you know it’s not! Because I need that right now, Brian. I fucking need you to be there for me.”

There’s a long silence between them, in which Brian’s eyes soften and he finally takes a good look at Matt Sanders. And what he sees makes his chest painfully tight.

All this time, Brian’s gone on treating him like M shadows—the invincible, cocky, rock star—when obviously, Matt has only been Matt Sanders—vulnerable, suddenly unsure of himself, and alone. Why hadn’t he seen it before now?

Brian waits a while before he finally replies, unsure how deep of a commitment Matt will allow him. “Just until the time comes?”

Matt doesn’t answer, knowing exactly what he’s referring to because it’s been on his mind every day since that fucking plus sign appeared on that white plastic stick. Brian sighs. He could’ve guessed it would turn out like this. Matt probably wanted to attempt to reconcile with his ex fiancée after the kid was out and try to forget this shit ever happened to him—forget their daughter, and Brian, too. His shoulders fell.

“What about after the time comes?” he asks tentatively, lowering his eyes to the filthy bus floor

Matt takes a deep, wavering breath. “Then we’ll both need you.” He looks to see Brian’s head snap up.

“You mean you want to…” he trails off, breathless.

“It took me almost two hours in that God damned tiny bathroom to realize,” Matt begins, sitting down on the bed, “that even though it would possibly be the worst career move I could ever make, and that the managers would find a way to sue me, and that this has been by far the most humiliating, degrading thing that’s ever happened to me…if I actually had the choice of getting rid of this irritating parasite,” he pauses, “I wouldn’t.” He raises his eyebrows and shrugs. “So I didn’t, and I never will. God knows why, but I guess…” he lowers his voice slightly; “I love the little brat.”

Brian stares at him incredulously, having never thought he would come around.

Matt continues, letting Brian sit beside him, but can’t bring himself to look the guitarist in the eye as he breaches a touchy subject. “And I know you love her. Only because she can’t ruin your life like she has mine, but still. You love her enough to maul a fan with a guitar.”

He nods sheepishly. “Of course.”

“But,” Matt hesitates, “I don’t think you know….that, because of that, I love you.”

Brian’s mouth, open in shock for a moment or two, slowly curls into a crooked grin and only then does Matt look up; his eyes are nervous and unsure, anxious after he’s admitted something like that. Knowing it’s the truth, Brian surprises him by practically attacking him with a kiss.

Slightly startled, Matt lets out a muffled exclamation against his lips, laughing, but eventually shuts his eyes and starts returning the action. He brings a hand up to cradle the back of Brian’s head, running long fingers through his thick black hair.

“I hope she gets this hair,” he whispers, kissing his ear, and Brian laughs softly, grinning so wide it makes his cheeks hurt. He lay back contentedly against the small bed.

“I hope she gets your eyes,” Brian smiles faintly, lying back also. “Of course…then I’d never be able to tell her no.” He leans down until his face is hovering just above the infamous distorted deathbat, and hesitates, as if waiting for permission.

Matt nods, watching him curiously. “What the hell are you doing?”

Brian grins mischievously, “Something I’ve been waiting to do for two months. Don’t hurt me.” Matt’s weary at that answer, not knowing what to expect, but Brian simply casts him a reassuring look with chocolate brown eyes; then, he gently presses his lips against the top of Matt’s warm, smooth stomach, caressing the side with his knuckles.

Feeling a lump in his throat, Matt bites down on his lower lip. He convinces himself it’s only to keep from laughing.

“Christ, Bri. I feel like I’m in a fuckin’ Lifetime movie,” he scoffs, trying to play it off, but his voice cracked. “That’s what you waited two months to do?”

Brian leaned up on his elbows, still keeping one hand on him, and winced. “Actually I didn’t wait,” he admitted. “I do that all the time, you’re just always asleep.”

With an enigmatic faint smile, Matt raises a brow. “You sure about that?” His green eyes are half shut and softly focused on him. “You never noticed me smiling when you did it?”

Brian’s cheeks redden slightly under his gaze but he only laughs in reply, shaking his head. After a moment, Matt glances down at his stomach, feeling the baby nudging him, and rubs the area. Then he groans, pulling a face. “We never told the guys that everything’s okay.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Brian mutters, pursing his lips. He pauses a beat. “Guys?” he yells hesitantly, not wanting to move from his position.

Instantly the door bursts open to reveal Jimmy, Johnny, and Zacky. “We already know everything, we were eavesdropping,” Zacky says smugly.

“Good. Well…The creature’s fine,” Matt states impatiently, tugging down his shirt. “Now get the Hell out.” With that he looks back to Brian, an unmistakable glint in his green eyes.

Jimmy sighs, grimacing as the other two shudder and leave. “Sweet Jesus that is…that’s kind of disturbing. And it hasn’t even really started yet, oh mother fucker. Nightmares.” He quickly slams the door.

Brian smirks and presses his lips against Matt’s mouth, tasting his petal soft skin and tongue. Unfortunately, having sex isn’t easy in a way-too-fucking-small tour bus bedroom.

But they’ll manage.

XX Always.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That was my first Lj story post ever y'all.