Matt was determined not to call Brian first, to make the guitarist come to him, so when his phone rang he fell all over himself to get it.  Unfortunately it was Zack.

“Do you have the key to Brian’s?” Zack asked.

 

“No…I thought you did.  Why didn’t you get it the last time you were there?”

 

“I don’t know…….I didn’t think about it I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess you had more pressing business on your mind.”  Matt sniffed. Zack didn’t seem to take the bait.  “Call him and ask for the key. How hard is that?”

“Brian’s not answering his phone or his door. Again.  I thought maybe he was just taking a nap so I let it slide for a while but it’s been a day and a half. Now I’m worried.”

“So?”

“So come kick the door in!”

*You’re his boyfriend. YOU go kick his door in!*

“You got two good legs, Baker.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.  You just don’t care.”  Zack hung up.

Matt cursed and slammed down the phone, heading for the door.  He ended up meeting Zack right outside of Brian’s house.

“I just paid to have that damn lock changed and now we’re breaking it.  Just great!”  Matt grumbled.

“I’ll pay for it this time, just kick the damn door in already!”  Zack snapped, glowering at Matt.

“You know, if I go to all this trouble and he’s legitimately asleep, I’m gonna slap you.”

“You’d better hope he’s just asleep!”  Zack countered.

 

“Stop yelling and come on around to the back before someone calls the cops.”

“The cops?!  He had drug dealers making house calls and no one called the cops!”  Zack protested, following Matt around to the back yard.

 

“At least I can’t break the glass on this one,“  Matt reasoned, trying the knob before one well placed kick broke the bolt free as the wood around it buckled.

“Well, your work is done, grab a beer or something.  I’ll call you if there’s funeral arrangements to be made.”  Zack pushed past Matt and hurried inside.

“Fucking asshole.”  Matt mumbled, but then found himself at the fridge, looking for a beer anyway.

“Brian?!  Brian!  You okay?”  Zack yelled, throwing open Brian’s bedroom door.

Brian was wrapped, cocoon like, in the sheets and greeted Zack with a wide, eyes closed smile.

“Hey…..how’d you get in?”

“Brian?”  Zack began trying to pull Brian’s arms from the covers to check them, but it was like trying to unroll a mummy.

“My arms are fine.  But please feel free to frisk me, officer Zacky.”

”What is going on? Why are you back on drugs?!”

“But It’s not the hard stuff…”

“What are you taking?!”  Zack demanded, shaking him.

“mm….Halcion….and…..Ecstacy….and…OxyContin.  I feel really good!”  He laughed, rolling around in the bedding, grinning from ear to ear.  “Oh, do not tell Matt you’re here, you’re gonna get me in trou-ble with a capital---!”

“How many did you take?!” Zack interrupted.

“Just one.   Of each.  Today.”

Zack sighed and shook his head but still Brian only smiled. 

“What about Matt?”

“Don’t tell him you’re here.”  Brian freed a hand and motioned Zack closer like he had a secret to tell.  “Matt thinks we’re having…”  He looked both ways and whispered. “SEX!!”

“He what??  Why?”  Zack looked down.  “Aw, Jeez, Bri—is that why you’re doing this?!”

“He called me and wanted to come over but I said NO! He had his chance!  And then he said that you’re in love with me….er….I’m in love with you and I’m using you…I mean…I’m using him to score points with you.    That’s it.  He said “Admit it! You’re just using me to get to Zack!”, and I’m just making up how bad I am to get you to feel sorry for me so you’ll come around more often and…..so you’d fuck me, I guess.”  Brian shrugged in his shroud of bedding.  "But I’ve got a secret about HIM, wanna know my secret about Matt, Zack?  It’s a good one!!”

“Matt told you that?  He thinks I’m having sex with you?!”

“I’m sorry Zack.”  Brian ducked his head, his former cheerfulness gone.  “I didn’t mean for him to know you liked guys.  I told him it wasn’t like that but he just cut me off.  I don’t know what I did to make him think that.  I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to out you or anything.  Come on, wanna hear my secret about Matt?”

”How many pills do you have left, Brian?”

”Two or three.  But I’m not saying this because of the pills, he did say I was in love with you and it hurt!  He said I was using him and it’s the other way around,  Zack, I swear!  You don’t know what happened the night of the football game!”

“What football game, where’s your phone?!”

Zack located the phone on the dresser while Brian pouted.

“You’re not making another call to a deal again.”  Zack took the phone and dropped it in the toilet before storming out of the room.  He found Matt at the kitchen table drinking a beer.

“He’s back on drugs, thanks to you, asshole!! This is all your fault!!”  Before Matt could even look up, Zack charged him, bringing a small fist down just above his ear.

“Hey, Ow!”

“I am NOT fucking Brian you son of a bitch!  You know what we are?!  Something you don’t know anything about!  We’re friends!  I know you don’t understand that concept so let me lay it out for you! Friends don’t fuck each other!!”

Matt caught Zack’s other hand inches from his face so Zack merely reared back and kicked him hard in the shin.

“Motherfucker!  Christ, is he okay?”  Matt doubled over to grab at his leg and Zack slapped at what little of his face that was exposed.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!  He’s on pills now!  Because of YOU!  He tried to kill himself BECAUSE OF YOU!  He wanted to die BECAUSE OF YOU!  What does this tell you Matt?!  It means you’re a miserable excuse for a human being and if you had any decency at all, you’d leave him alone!!  Find someone else’s life to ruin! STAY AWAY FROM BRIAN!!”

Just as Matt was starting to get up, Zack ran to the fridge, grabbed some water and then started to go before he turned around.  He began to hand one of the bottles to Matt and Matt reached for it, Zack kicked him in the leg again and ran to Brian’s room, locking the door behind him.

“Here, drink some water or you’ll dehydrate.  I’ll stay here until you’ve taken the last pill and it wears off and then you are NOT getting any more.”

Brian took the water and drank a little, suddenly not appearing quite so jovial.

“….you hate me too, then?”  He sighed.

 

“No, Brian, I don’t hate you.”  Zack exhaled a tired breath even though the day had barely begun.  “You just scare the shit out of me. Why did you do this? Again?”

“Well I was feeling pretty good until you showed up.”  Brain glared as he spoke.  “Sorry Matt thinks we’re together.  I guess he knows you like guys now and I’m sorry.  I guess I should have pushed you away but you were the only one who acted like you cared.   I was selfish and it got you in trouble.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Bri. You just need to lay off the drugs, THAT’S what I’m mad about.”

“Yeah, fine!”  Brian lay back down turning away from Zack.  “Stay here and tell me what an idiot I am.  That just takes care of everything.  That really makes me want to be a better person.”

“Brian, I’m not mad at you, but you have to stay clean right now.  You’ve got to stop doing this.  I know Matt is being a jerk to you.  I don’t even think he believes we’re together, he’s saying it to hurt you because you wouldn’t let him come over and that is stupid and petty and junior high bullshit but that’s how it is.  And you know what?  You popping pills to deal with it is just as stupid and petty and junior high!  It is no reason to keep hurting yourself!”

“I’m not hurting myself, I’m not overdosing.  I was fine until YOU got here!  How’d you get in anyway??”

“Well Matt kicked in your kitchen door and---.” Zack stopped himself a little too late.

“Matt’s HERE?!  He knows you came to see me?!”

“I…I needed him to open the door.  I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to bring him along.”

“I just wanted to be alone!”  Brian whined, sitting up with his hands still folded over his chest.

“Alone to OD?”

“I got six pills and I haven’t OD’ed yet!  I just wanted to feel better and forget about it!  I wanted to forget that Matt hates me and you just made him hate me more!  So thanks!  Now he really must thinking I’m fucking you!”

“Right now, Brian?  You can’t forget it---not like that.  You need to stay clean, you need to deal with things sober.  Everyday something is going to piss you off and you can’t go getting fucked up over every little thing or you’ll be in the same boat you were before.”

“Easy to say when you lead a charmed life.”  Brian sniffed in indignation.

Zack sighed, wondering if there was anything he could say that wouldn’t be taken so harshly.

“I’m not here to argue with you, Bri.  I just wanted to see if you were okay.  I was worried.”

“Am I ODing? No.  Am I back on the needle? No.”

“But you locked me out and you wouldn’t answer your phone! Do you blame me?”

“Well I can’t answer it anymore now, can I?”  Brian countered, looking toward the bathroom.

“Brian you need help!  You’re lucky Matt didn’t drag your ass to rehab and leave you there!! You have got to stay clean and you can’t do it on your own.  I’ll help you if you’ll let me.”  Zack stood up and put his hands on his hips.  “I’m gonna go see if I ran off Matt and if I did…well damn it, I’m hungry!  I’m gonna fix us some lunch, eat if you want.”

“You ran Matt off?”

“I hope I did….asshole!  I told him he needed to leave you the hell alone.”

“What did he say?”

“I didn’t give a chance to say anything, I just kicked him in the knee and then he started cussing at me so I hit him in the head.”

“You’re kidding me.”  Brian felt sober all at once.

“Nope and I told him we were not having sex but of course he wouldn’t understand that since he has no idea what friendship really is.  I think that sent the message.”

”Uh, what message?”

“Stop making your life miserable and making you hurt yourself.”

Brian smiled and ducked his head.

“Thanks.  I won’t get any more pills.”

“I’ll hold you to that.  Okay, what did you want to tell me about Matt and the night of the football game.  What football game?”

“I don’t know if I should now.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me anything.  You really wanted to tell me before.”

“Yeah, I was a lot happier then.  Now I’m sobering up and I don’t feel nearly as chatty.”

“Well, hell.  Don’t think I should say this but take a pill-------ONE pill------and not the Ecstacy---and I’ll fix dinner and then we’ll talk.”

“Have I told you I loved you Zack?”

“Not in the last twenty four hours.  Wanna burger?”

 

=+=

“Okay, so this happened the night we went over to watch the football game?”
Zack had coaxed Brian out to the kitchen table, Matt was long gone, and they were eating burgers and watching the sun set outside the window over the sink.

“Do you remember anything strange about me that night?”

“No, what do you remember?”

”That’s just it, I don’t.  I was sick the night before so I scored some coke to stay up and---.”

“Aw geez Bri!”

“Forget it.”  Brian turned his attention back to his food. 

“No, I’m sorry, go on. Please.”

“I don’t know what I got, but it wasn’t….I don’t know what it was.  I don’t remember the football game.  I blacked out.”  Brian took a deep breath.  “And when I woke up Matt and I were having sex in the middle of his kitchen floor.”

Zack’s fork hit the ground and he made not move to retrieve it.

“What?”

“At first I thought I was dreaming or something but it was real and it was incredible and we were….”  Brian looked around then laced his fingers together. “right in the thick of it.  It was really happening.  Matt was into it and we were…in the middle of everything.  So I just went along, half the time thinking I had lost my mind.  Well I guess Matt thought that too, that I was just out of it.  Because after it was over and we’re laying there and I’m thinking “Oh god, we’re on his FLOOR!” and it was kinda dirty…..I mean the floor and what we had done, and I think I remember being on the living room floor too!!  But anyway, we’re laying there and I said “Matt, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”  And he jumped up and yelled “You’re sober?!” and then he just started cussing me out and he went into his room and broke his mirror and I told him I loved him and he told me to get out of his house and never come back.  But I didn’t dream the sex part, Zack.  He let me do everything…..he did things to me, and it wasn’t until he realized I wasn’t just going to forget and let it slide that he decided he hated me.”   Brian took a large breath, for the first time since he’d started talking.  “THAT’S how he found out I was gay.”

“Holy shit.  I’m about ready to ask you for a pill myself.”

“I’m so stupid, I don’t know what I was thinking.  I had no idea it was going to turn out like this. I had no idea he was going to hate me.”

“I don’t think he hates you, I think he hates himself.”  Zack picked up his fork and tossed it across the room to the sink.  “Matt…who’d have thought?”  He shook his head.  “What a weirdo!”

“I’d give anything to live that night over.  If I couldn’t change us getting together, I’d know enough to at least play stupid about it.”

“See, that was it!  He panicked because YOU panicked.  You showed weakness and the facade broke and he suddenly realized he wasn’t getting away with what he thought he was so to cover all that fear he had no choice to lash out at you and blame you instead.  It’s like if you caught your girlfriend cheating, caught her red handed and she turns it all around to make it your fault somehow.”  Zack continued shaking his head.  “Matt…that snake in the grass!”

“Well that’s the story.”

“That’s how all this started?”

Brian nodded, taking another bite.

“Dude, let Matt freak out by himself.  Don’t let him get you down.  My god, you KNOW he has to feel something for you if he just let you DO that.  You know he wouldn’t let just anyone do….THAT!!”  Zack began to chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Listen to me.  Let him have his tantrums, give him some space and when he comes back, let him talk.  I know you want to tell him off, but…….let me do that!”  Zack smiled.  “You be your nice, charming---SOBER—self and see how that works.”

“But …. You told him to stay away from me.”

“Humph!”  Zack snorted.  “He loves you, he is NOT going to stay away, not by a long shot.  Mark my words.”

(end chapter)