Please dont tell me this doesnt pertain to the community, I am really getting sick of hearing that, my entries always have to do somehow with me and my boyfriend doing something together so just let me post, be friendly and considerate of the things I want to post I have a right too,
Well, it's over. The mess. The traffic. The crowds. Gone. For another year anyway. I love the winter months more than just about anything, but it didn't feel like Christmas ever really came around this time. Or rather, it came, but with an exhausted poof of loneliness and chilly air. Like a distant relative that shows up at your house and eats all of your food, makes snide remarks about what you've chosen to do with your life, then leaves without saying goodbye. Sort of snuck up on me, I suppose. Whole lot of reasons for that, though, and I won't even begin to go into any of it.
I guess it's sort of been a *transitional* year, in a way. From a creative standpoint, it was actually very productive, so I'm not complaining. It wasn't like anything bad happened, it was just more like... I plateaued as a person. Does that make any sense? I suppose what I mean is I spent most of this year away from a lot of the people and places that really inspire me. Distanced by chance, really. I guess I'm saying I wasn't challenged by anyone but myself, and I'm my own worst enemy.
Lastnight I cried for the first time in a week, since all thats happened lately and what people have said to me, I havnt been able to cry, I was so numb, but suddenly, everything came into place and I jusy bawled my eyes out. What a great way to end Christmas night huh? I just really want to change myself, I am sick of people thinking the way they think of me, and dont say some people dont hate me because they do, they told me theirselves, it makes me feel so good to know people can say I hate you , so close to Christmas. So I dont know what I am gonna do but I am going to change myself I promise.
I am so lucky to have this man in my life, without Brent, I prolly would be alone alot, I know I have other people in my life but they cant help me 24/7 so when they cant help me Brent is here to help as well. He just knows what to say to make me smile. I havnt forgotten that my other friends know how to make me smile but Brent does as well. People just dont understand my love for him, its at a catostrophic level.
The love we have for eachother will never fade
so many kisses
monkey on his head
The last time these socks will match
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