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we love william. nuff said.
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[12 Oct 2008|12:39am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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rise against // hero of war |
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Last night I fell asleep at 5am. Woke up at 1pm. This has to stop. I feel like my brain is not functioning properly. Like when you get water in your ear in the shower, and you can't hear right. Well that's my brain. I feel less than human. I can almost feel functional, I can remember what it feels like, but I can't actually just function. It's frightening. It's not even emotional, I mean, I'm sure on some level, it is, but it's physical too. I wish I could explain this better. I wish I had some sleeping pills. I would even settle for some Ny-Quil. Anything to put me to sleep. But I have no money to buy any. I don't even have money for food. I am actually hungry, but there's no money to even buy anything to eat, so I just won't. I talked to Lauren for an hour tonight. I normally am terrified of talking on the phone, but for some reason I felt compelled to send her a text and ask her to call me. She's just been on my mind a lot. What a wonderful conversation. To talk to someone who understands my insanity is really something I needed. I am incredibly glad I called. She has osteoporosis and said I should really consider getting a bone density scan considering my uh, history. So many people have told me this, and I the chances of me not having it are pretty slim. But I don't really want to know for SURE that I have osteoporosis at the ripe old age of 19 so I just won't. In exchange for Ambien I would though actually. Goodness, I would do almost anything for some Ambien right now. I have ONE xanax. But I'm not really anxious. Last night I almost had an anxiety attack. I could NOT sleep and at 3am I just hopped out of bed and started walking around my suite like I had lost my mind, then I'd just stop walking and stand there, hoping that standing somewhere new would fix everything. Then I opened the window in my room because it was freezing outside and I wanted to be cold. I figured if I made myself incredibly uncomfortable I could comfort myself by burying myself under blankets and feeling like I was taking care of myself. I know that makes no sense. Then I stared out the window for a while and fell on the couch and then hopped into bed and at 5 I fell asleep. Then today I had crazy mood swings and tonight I did some yoga in my room which was pretty nice. I actually was able to do a headstand, but it took a few tries and I fell over a few times. Maxine lives below me and if she was home she was probably really confused as to what I was doing. I downloaded Rise Against's new album today. Hero of War is a really intense song. It's almost hard to listen to, but it's fabulous. How does someone even write a song like that? It will make you uncomfortable (it should anyway) but I really reccomend it. I'm going to try and go to sleep now. That basically means I am going to lie in bed wish I could fall asleep.
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[12 Oct 2008|01:15am] |
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I spent the whole day baby sitting my Mila.We had a backyardagains marathon lol.She seems to really like the theme song to it.It was my sister's birthday and her boyfriend and her went to Austin for the day.She came back with a pocket Jesus for me lol.its cute adn I had been wanting for since I saw it online a couple days ago.it made me smile that she thought of me on her birthday.lol I'm a dork.
I need a new phone cause mine is all old and I just want a new one lol.but its hard finding a good one that doesn't cost a lot of money.I also want a radio for my room.ughh there are a lot of things I want but don't need.
so my sister and brother were telling her bf about the train tracks and the little ghost kids who push your car outta the way and he was getting all scared cause he has never been.We started telling stories and I just randomally remembered my dad use to take me and my other brother for late night rides when he couldn't sleep and he would take us there or to the "migdet mansion" lol and other scary places.
I miss my dad.
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| 10/11/08 |
[12 Oct 2008|12:27am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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saturday.
texed messages are annoying in the morning. all they do is wake me up before im ready to wake up. but im glad i got them. turns out my friend Gloeli came down from austin. so the old crew gathered to have lunch. it was me Ruby, her baby, roxy, and glo. we were missing Minette and Cassie. :( after lunch we went to the ice sceme place. i got a gatorade G2. mmmm. everyone els got ice cream. today i wore my "i know what girls like" t-shirt... just a btw. the TVs in there were playing the UT game. so were saw the last like... 20 minutes of the last quarter. the yelling and curing ensued. for me atleast. they ended up winning so Glo and i were happy.
glo and i were riding with roxy so roxy left us at glos house and glo wanted to go buy cheep stuff. she also wanted me to tag along with her, so i did. she had ALSO invited me to pre pig skin. i accepted... i couldnt help but tell her, "its nice to see me, isnt it?" ha so on the way to pig skin she talked on and on about her guy crush. we got to the field and saw a couple of bands before rio band got to march. i had told her they were al lot better, but she said i always say that. which isnt true. anyway, while seing their show she was really caught off guard by how much better they are this year... man, i so told her so! anyway we went to go eat a PF changs and talked about her crush some more. okay, that was pretty much all we talked about. but it wasnt bad. but since i was wearing my shirt she kep saying, man, people are going to think we're on a date hahah" that was kinda funny. after that we kept calling it a date. just joking around about it. after pf changs we went to Barns and Nobles. i went straight to the wicked section and was SO HAPPY because they had a lot of the online merch there for like a way cheeper price. i REALLY want the calander. but im kinda upset with it because i want for all the pics to be of the original cast, and with ots of Idina and Kristin, but instead it has pics of people who have been in the play up todate. and they Elphaba on the cover is not IDINA! WTF?? how are they goin gto sell any copies if Idina isnt on the cover?? *sigh* it should just all be of her and Kristin. lol but yes, i hoping to go back soon and get the calander and some other wicked stuff. Glo had walked off somewhere and the place was closing. she found me at the wicked section and was like, "dude, whats with all the wicked and twilight craze?" so i said, pshhh, twilight is SHIT compared to Wicked. twilight is all lovey dovey. a girl who is so dependent and inlove with a controlling vampire. wicked is SO much more than that. theo two dont even compare. Wicked is the "shiz" hands down" and she looked at me and said, "...wow, you're really obsesed." and i said "HEC YES man!, im not done reading the book, but ive seen the play online and Idina and Kristen are absolutly breath taking and utterly amazing. there is nothing like them" and again she said, "you're REALLY obsessed haha"... i thought to myself, im not obsessed, i just have a strong enthusiastic liking for the play and the 2 leads.both as the chacater and as themselves." we left B&N and drove on home. yes, we talked about her crush more and how she's a freak about everything because she over thinks stuff. and then she called her friend and told her about how i made her text her crush the following, "hey cutie, whats up?" and i totally didnt. i suggested it, but i was just kidding around. she freaked at the thought of his reaction because they "dont have that kind of friendship" and texted him anyway. he texed back thinking it was someone els messing with her phone. funny. but yeah her friend talked to her about studying. eventuall we got into town so she took me home. it was nice seeing her again. it had been a while. i got inside and let the dog out. came to my room and started seeing wicked and these FUCKEN AWESOME clips of Idina and a show she did a few months ago in tennesee. it was great. god, her smile makes me light up. yay! and her voice makes me want to cry. its so beautiful. *sigh* im gonna go catch up on my lesbian world and see a little bit of tv.
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| I have hair dye running down my face... |
[11 Oct 2008|08:50pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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And I'm missing Cobra Starship playing 7 miles away from my house.
Nice.
Happy Birthday, Gabe!
xo-olivia
ps - I had a great day today. I'll update tomorrow. I love life. <3
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| STARZ has a new series based on the movie "CRASH" |
[11 Oct 2008|11:49am] |
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I just watched the first episode on (free) on demand. It was adequate, with a quirky performance by Dennis Hopper - unfortunately, playing rather close to what he has become - and one of the leads is none other than Ross McCall, playing the sort of homespun, likeable bur redneck cop that we saw in Hill Street Blues. It's a good part for him, if not terribly original.
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| i don't like the twilight series. |
[11 Oct 2008|11:08am] |
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music |
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Halifax - A Writer's Reference. |
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Maybe if I see Twilight in theaters, I won't hate the books as much. The movie looks almost decent.
And now
Enjoy yourself a lover
All I know is I love to hate
And how good it feels to love to hate you
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| guitar hero and dirty old rugs |
[11 Oct 2008|07:39am] |
Oh I miss my little guitar hero and those dirty ugly old rugs, but mostly the baby.
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| 10/10/08 |
[11 Oct 2008|02:18am] |
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mood |
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friday.
after wakin gup i layed in bed for a while. i remember waking up before this and hearing a car leave. for some reasons i thought it was m dearest mumsy and popicle leaving to houston already. and with out saying good bye to their daughter?! gasp, i fell back alseep either way. i fell aleep to the thought of hoping not to regret it... cause you never know. i get like this everytime i reminded that people DO die. Roland didnt make it. he was a inosent victim of a high speed chase. even though i always have stuff like that in the back of my mind, i tend to become more aware of the fact thats its there. so yeah, i think that was at 10. and thats when i fell back to sleep and woke up again for good. ha at 11. i felt alone. so, as i mentioned a while ago, i just layed there for a while. thinking. and hearinf wicked tunes in my head. then i called me mom. urns out she was at work. she sounded busy and reminded me that she had told me they werent leaving untill 12 or 1. i could hear a bit of frustration in her voice. she hung up fast. but i felt better. i hadnt lost my chance to say goodbye. after an episode of dexter and some reading i heard a car outside. it was my car. momsy took it to work. at the same time, popsicle's truck was turning off in its usual parking space. they got here at the same time. i found them distracting and couldnt read and more.
eventuall they left. i didnt get to say bye to pops but i didnt get to say bye to moms. not the good bye i wanted, but oh well. we spoke a little lounder than an inside voice. not louder than a yell. and no i love you's. we've never been one of those mom/daughter couples thats affectionate and have deep conversations. but we are very close. she's a best friend. nd if i wanted to have a deep conversation with her i could. and visa versa. as the day progressed i dint do much. read a little bit of wicked. read some more of that PI stuff. caught up with lesbo land. showered. went to see what jen and ic were doing.
i walk into jen's room looking for the neph, but he's not there. though i could hear his laughing. i knew where he was. the kitchen. his favorite destination. i think he might be a chef. the kid eats as if he's never full and he's not even a chubby baby! lol we went to the ice cream place. jen wanted to ride on the motorbike with Leo so i took their car along with icarus. that was the first time i had ever driven that car. those fucked breaks are too gad damn sensative. i drove well however. i adjust to cars pretty quickly. i think. so me and the neph met up with his parentals there. i got a rocky road waffle cone that had been dipped into chocolate and rainbow sprinkles... for about 2 inches. it was yummy. i fed icarus his cup of fruit. he got tired of the mellon, but not the watermellon. just like me. i dont like mellon at all. after that we came home and i went to my house....*no good deed goes unpunished, no act of charity goes unresented!* yes, im singing...
after being at the house for a bit, jenny came over with her 1000 piece puzzle. its this odd painting of the sandiago zoo. we began working on it imediatly. i wanted music though, so i busted out the laptop and played the wicked soundtrack and gushed over every song that idina and kristn are in. as usual. some things never change... i like it that way. she was here for a while... a few hours. leo ended up coming over too as did icky. he made a mess with the dog water. and he drank it. ew. he was all over the place. opening all the doors getting things out of places leaving crap on the floor. not even two yet and already a hand full. jesus. kid's got chutzpah. after they left i saw tv. including the new season of degrassi, wich im on the fence about becaues its all... different. different music, some of the old cast is gone and i liked them! and the new members are not my cup of... wine. blurg. along with degrassi was South of Nowhere. YAY! ha im sure deama shall ensue very soon. do i think spashly will last? no! its fucken highschool. nothing lasts. especially relationships where the teo girls are "so in love" with each other. but im looking foward to the final episodes.
that was my day. i had a visit from the time dragon. he told me to go to sleep.
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| Shhhh...I really shouldn't be here |
[10 Oct 2008|07:54pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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"Hot n' Cold" - Katy Perry |
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yeah so I have a tremendous amount of homework.
1. I have to work on this photo project for fundamentals...it involves tracing over a picture (a very detailed picture that I took) and then finding other parts of the picture to blow up and draw larger...I know it makes no sense...
2. I have to start working on a still life. My life drawing teacher just kind of sprung it on us a couple days ago. We have a still life to draw and we have to have it completed by midterm...midterm is in two weeks. Ooh yay. Did I mention I have to set up the still life myself?
3. I have to draw 6 more ears, 10 hands, 10 feet, and 10 pairs of eyes in my sketchbook. Each hand and each foot should take about an hour (according to the teacher), each eye should take 30 minutes. Um...carpal tunnel anyone?
4. I have to finish reading a book by next tuesday. It's 31 chapters long. I'm on chapter 6. Yeah, it's just that exciting.
so I really shouldn't be online watching the new Twilight trailer and squeeing endlessly over it, and then stumbling upon new Twilight promo pics and squeeing even more over them...then in turn, getting a new default icon because my heart literally stopped when I saw the picture.
Don't anyone DARE mention photoshop...I'll do it!
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| Blahhhh. |
[10 Oct 2008|08:41pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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music |
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"Decode" Paramore. |
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So I used this stuff on my hair called "Color Oops" and it worked pretty well getting the dye out. So the front of my hair is back to orange [the color it was originally bleached to] and a medium brown in the back. I'm gonna dye it a deep auburn on Monday. But my hair SMELLS. This crap smells horrific. I've washed it three times already and the smell is not going away. Blahhhh.
So basically, I look like a Fayley again. Orange hair. Oh well... I'll only have it for a few days. Then I'll be completely red. Hopefully it'll work out.
Our progress reports have been sent out. I'm way nervous. It's gonna say "Near failing due to test scores" on Math. My teacher said he just did that to save his out butt if I do fail. I'm not really failing anyway... So I have a month to fix this. And I will.
I have a three day weekend. Which is awesome. Then I go in on Tuesday, and I have no school on Wednesday. So I have three days of school next week.
Win.
I have homework to do. I guess I'll do it Sunday morning. Get it over with. Ya know?
xo-olivia
PS - Who else cannot stop listening to "Decode" by Paramore? Isn't it amazing? Hayley's voice is better than ever. They never fail to amaze me.
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| Well, that's a relief |
[10 Oct 2008|03:36pm] |
Gwendal Peizerat (enough said, to those of you who know me...) was hinting that he was about to follow in Marina's footsteps. Given that she recently got married and is now pregnant, I didn't know whether to panic or boggle...
Turns out that he has replaced Steven Cousins in the Russian equivalent of Skating with the Stars, which Marina had appeared on in a previous incarnation.
Whew. G is SUCH a tease. (which is why I used the Maxim icon...)
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| O RLY? |
[10 Oct 2008|01:34pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Hope- The Apocolyptica |
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| Happy Birthday, Midge |
[10 Oct 2008|11:42am] |
Come back to the US, please! Once every 20 years just doesn't do it.
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| From today's Popbitch |
[10 Oct 2008|11:15am] |
BLIND ITEM:
One Mayfair hotel nicknamed which Hollywood superstar "Mr Revolving Door", after the number of girls he was inviting to his room every night? Maybe he's not gay after all.
George Clooney? I'm clueless here; help me out.
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| Death Hit Home and The Bricks Won't Keep Us Up |
[10 Oct 2008|11:50pm] |
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Rest in Peace, Susan.
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| 10/9/08 |
[10 Oct 2008|02:04am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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thursday.
i wake up with a song in my head. as usual, its from wicked. and again as usual, i fall asleep with songs from wicked playing in my head as well. all day its the same. "for the first time... i feel... wicked." *drool* i LOVE when Idina says that in the play. and song. its her voice. like not just her singing voice, but her speaking voice as well. her voice in general is... i love it. and i could hear it forever. Kristin's too. but more Idina. change of subject.
the teacher showed up to class today. he merged ch. 4 and 5 into one powerpoint. it was kinda boring. i have more fun in philosophy, but its also more scary. its too smart for me. i get what alavi says, thouhg, and i end up leaving the class feeling... less. and filled with questions that can never be answerd. i though sociology would be more exciting. i think its the teacher. he's very formulaic and goes by the material he was given. its not him. but the one good thins that comes out of it is the fact that its easy. after that class i came home.
at 6 i went to math. we were in the class room for about an hour. yes, i was kinda confused for that hour, then she tok the class to the comp lab, and thats the part where i left home. i have a comp at home. dont need the lab. plus, i wanted to see Ugly Betty. ha so i caught up on tv stuff and lesbian stuff then procrastinated on reading for the PP i have to do on personal identity. i think im avoiding it because im scared i wont understand. i decided not to go to houston with my parents so tha ti could focus on that and do math homework.
speaking of the parents, my mom came into my room some time before 10 and told me about Roland. we used to play when we were kids... i have the oddest memories of him. it came a a shock. so... out of the blue. but thats how those things are. weather he made it or not has yet to be confirmed. either way, my thoughts and condolances go out to his family tonight. i mentioned his sister the other day... on one of these entries. she's beautiful. i sent roland a friend request at the same time i sent his sister one. he never accepted it. Vinnie is friends with him. she was getting calls from her friends and the boy's gf. my aunt said she was crying and that vinnie's friends are all crying and that they didnt think he made it. its so sad. i dont know the details, but i know its devestating. prayers and best wishes to the family and him.
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| Tweets for Today |
[09 Oct 2008|10:11pm] |
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Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
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| Tomorrow is Friday! |
[09 Oct 2008|07:32pm] |
Ugh. This week seemed so long, yet it was a day shorter.
I have a three day weekend coming up. Then, I go to school on Tuesday, and stay home on Wednesday. Odd.
I may or may not bleach my hair this weekend. Time will tell...
Actually, only the buses will tell. If I get a bus home tomorrow that will take me to a CVS and I could get a hi-light kit, then I'll bleach my hair. Hazah.
So I may be a red-head by this Monday. Stay tuned.
I found two pictures from the Leathermouth show I went to back in September.
And I can see my random body parts. Hahaha.
^^ You could see my arm and my face [kinda] in this one. I'm the one with the multi-colored bracelets and the camera. Haha.
The other one I don't wanna post. Since I look like an old lady. I was probably singing and my face looks horrific.
Win.
So tomorrow should be an easy day to get through. It's Friday. That's always a good thing.
This morning was horrific, though. I have a really bad cold [what a surprise] and I woke up coughing really bad. Not shocking. So I keep coughing. And I gag and puke. Gross.
xo-olivia
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_williambeckett
nostalgic