urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar ...join me in my stale air. In the Bell Jar 2008-01-31T21:33:31Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:4875 2008-01-31T21:33:31Z 2008-01-31T21:33:31Z I feel like i totally abandoned this group!<br /><br />and i can't believe how long&nbsp;i have had it.<br /><br />I think i should put it to good use! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:4780 2006-12-17T02:06:30Z 2006-12-17T02:06:30Z Fuck.<br /><br />I have fallen in love with my friends boyfriend... And we have had sex.... And he has seen my fat... And i want to kiss him in front of everyone and say what we did cos it was special and i know i can't.&nbsp; We have a deep connection and i want to fuck him again and i am gonna cry cos i live somewhere else now and i hate it and i want to be home and fabulous!&nbsp; And i hate i can only talk about him here and it breaks my heart it really does.<br /><br />I don't want to eat through shear depresion..... i love him i think.<br /><br />Life is shit urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:4164 2006-11-19T00:02:45Z 2006-11-19T00:02:45Z So last nite i had a drunken brawl with some nasty little girls who called me fat and it really hurt, more than any hit they landed.&nbsp; I also realised i am weak, physically, they pushed me down and luckily i had a hand near my mouth cos i bit down HARD till i tasted blood and heard crunching of skin.&nbsp; I do need some upper body strength.&nbsp; They left me alone after that but still shouted.&nbsp; Then my ex-boyfriend who was there had to comfort me and he knows what i am like with my eating and i just stood there crying and he had to hug me which was bad cos i hate him, but at least someone was there!&nbsp; What a fiasco!<br /><br />anyway, i moved 2months ago and havn't stooped eating, i am now at my heaviest weight....196lbs. i am so traumatised by this.&nbsp; Must loose weight, it shud b easy cos i live with just my boyfriend, no family and most of my days are busy!&nbsp; Too busy for exercise.... but i walk alot more!&nbsp; I want to be 100lbs......96 to go.<br /><br />i promise i will post more to this site, but i do blog on myspace more to stay in touch with my friends from where i used to live.&nbsp; If u want just add me on mn <a href="mailto:xsuzifluzix@hotmail.com">xsuzifluzix@hotmail.com</a> i am always online!&nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><br />air kisses<br /><br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:4056 2006-07-11T20:51:28Z 2006-07-11T20:51:28Z So any of u gals from england must be fully aware of the beautiful nikki from big brother!&nbsp;&nbsp; I absolutely love her! And her storey is so sad all about her anorexic past and stuff.... apeals to us all really!&nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><br />N.e.way, i am dieting hardcore 2moro, and exercising all day.&nbsp; Plus as well as posting EVERYTHING i eat on fit day, everyday i will post on here!<br /><br />GOOD LUCK TO ME! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:3663 2006-06-13T00:33:14Z 2006-06-13T00:33:14Z <p><img width="250" alt="" src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e366/PinkSooze/christina070.jpg" /><br /><br />I love xtina..... so tiny, wot stats/measurement do u think she has?&nbsp; anyone know?</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:3382 2006-06-11T22:29:00Z 2006-06-11T22:29:00Z <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>So i am going to have a fabulous day tomorrow.... No food and plenty of amusements for me, my mums taking me clothes shopping!&nbsp;&nbsp; yeah!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; well, not yah as i have no money!&nbsp;&nbsp; Ahh!&nbsp; And it'll all be cheap clothes, but i havn't got anything for summer!&nbsp; its all packed away with my moving stuff!&nbsp; Doh!<br /><br />Found these fabulous instant cappachino things.... they're are saving me so many cals!<br /></p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:3303 2006-06-10T03:49:19Z 2006-06-10T03:49:19Z so feeling the fat today, its sudenly dawned on me my life is shit, i hav sat here till 5 in the morn cos my insomnia is really bad at the mo, and i think i have a fear of the dark as i can only sleep in daylight!&nbsp;&nbsp; luckily it has started getting brighter earlier so i lay awak for a couple less hours staring at the ceiling!&nbsp;&nbsp; I have no life, i feel really bummed i'm 21 and my life is shit, i'm just a big fat waste of space.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:2927 2006-04-07T21:00:48Z 2006-04-07T21:00:48Z Well hello, i have had nothing but water and air.... i am not weighing myself either! I don't want to know! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:2782 lick my legs, i'm on fire 2006-01-08T00:12:44Z 2006-01-08T00:12:44Z <center><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/bathroomtile"><img src="http://www.geocities.com/thebathroomtile/promo-nicole02.txt" border="1" alt="join this community."></a></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:2542 2006-01-07T20:25:59Z 2006-01-07T20:25:59Z I am suffering a deep depression its so hard to get out of. At least i'm not eating... nibbling here and there and vomitting afterwards. I'm in a dark lonely place at the moment and i am very scared. For the past 3 days i've stayed round my rents... i think i mite have outstayed my welcome but i can't go home... i'm so scared of wot is wrong with me. <br /><br />Lost 4 lbs in one day... no scales at my parents... Damm!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:2254 2006-01-04T19:08:39Z 2006-01-04T19:08:39Z So... we must hav all over indulged at Xmas? <br /><br />I've not really been watching my weight as i have been back and fourth to the docs, apparently i hav anxiety and mild depression... i keep having panic attacks and basically freaking out. Its pretty scarey shit, so i have been dipping in and out of not eating Hence my weight<br /><br />I'll try and keep up with the journal not having much luck though! <br /><br />Hiya to all u new guys!!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:1952 rainydaymary 2005-10-28T12:16:19Z 2005-10-28T12:16:19Z i see this community has just gotten started up again ... yay! ... ever since i first read sylvia plath, i knew where i was living: in The Bell Jar! ... now i have a community by that name to go to ... i will try to post often ... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:1570 2005-10-27T20:43:46Z 2005-10-27T20:43:46Z <p>Massive apologies to everyone on this comunity, i am sure ur other communities are filling up ur friends pages!!!&nbsp;&nbsp; I am just so disorganised and plus i've been on holiday for the past week with the Family, so they have feed me!&nbsp; </p> <p>I will be completely honest with u guys, i had to go cos my boyfriend was on holiday so i moved back home with the rents so they could keep an eye on me, so i didn't fly totally of the rails.&nbsp; Hes back soon so i can get back home and get sorted.&nbsp; I need to get this fat sorted i can feel it now its horrible!</p> <p>Well i have 2 get back to my life</p> <p>C ya soon!!!</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:1310 2005-10-22T22:27:48Z 2005-10-22T22:27:48Z <p>Again, i am back here... i hate it.&nbsp; But this time it is different, i've had some revalation or summink... I was out&nbsp;on tuesday&nbsp;nite, got really drunk, could barely stand, had a row with this bloke i fancy, and woke up the next day to pure white bedcover saturated in blood.&nbsp; So, i've cut myself again, oops!&nbsp; All on my fore arms, my shoulders and my stomach and thighs... i hav 2 do something about my weight, this is it, no more!&nbsp; I've spent most my best years as a fat blob, and i've only got bigger.&nbsp; But now i'm really feeling the fat... i have these two 'love handles' i've never had before!&nbsp; Yuck!&nbsp;</p> <p>So ladies... i know hav the best part of a week off work... thats Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday... i will do nothing but jog.&nbsp;</p> <p>It should be so easy now i don't live at home...Mwah! (despite moving back in cos i am scared of the grudge in my cupboard!&nbsp; Just while my boyfriend is away!!!)</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:1151 2005-08-07T11:13:46Z 2005-08-07T11:13:46Z I am so sorry i have pracitcally abandoned you guys on this comunity, mainly cos i've moved out of the parents home and no longer have a computer whwnever i want it! But also i've cum crawling back to this comunity as usual because i have put on shit loadsa weight and need to shift it fast, I'm now up to 173lbs and still rising cos i can't stop eating!!!!! <br /><br />Anyway enough about me, how are you lot? <br /><br />Also if u have msn i'll be more than happy to add u guys!!!!<br /><br />love Always Esther urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:1020 2005-02-06T21:54:45Z 2005-02-06T21:54:45Z So lost 5.5 lbs, then put on 2 lb, then lost another 5.5lbs. Had a scary exsperience out jogging when i blacked out... well i didn't even black out i just remember jogging then seeing the sky, no concious transaction inbetween! Also been taking Laxatives, god! they make me feel so empty! Don't think i'm doing too well this week as i binged today. But i have 4 days b4 i weigh in so i won't eat nothing! <br /><br />Oh, if u don't eva want to eat mcdonalds again... watch supersize me! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:709 2005-01-20T19:53:25Z 2005-01-20T19:53:25Z well, hello all! Sorry i havn't typed anything for like FORVER, but i am a little disheartend because alot of people do post some bitchy things when i mention my group to them. But i am here for those who joined and the ones that are patient enough to stick with this community in its early days... Nuff said, in the last two weeks i've managed to lose 7lb... and thats without exercising (which i need to do...) I do admit that i've been taking slimming pills and Vitamin E. But this week i'm gonna go for it, exercise and all! I bought some really good trainers this week so that should help! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_the_bell_jar:286 2004-12-19T22:48:15Z 2004-12-19T22:48:15Z Welcome to my first community that i've ever made! Ahh! Its quite exciting.... I won't post for a while until another member does! I'm so excited!